Original subtitles

Oh, bugger it!

Arthur!

Arthur!

Arthur!

(SIGHS)

(SMOKE DETECTOR BEEPS)

What happened? Where's the fire? Are you OK?

She's broken, Arthur.

Snapped like KitKat fingers.

Oh, what the hell, Mum?

(SIGHS) You ruined a perfectly good take.

Where'd you even get a cigarette from?

You remember when I caught you and your sister

smoking behind the laundry.

Well, you're not the only one with hiding places.

Come on, give me that.

Ooh!

Your father had a moustache when we first met.

Brave choice.

I'm just glad to see you're finally grieving.

I'm not grieving, Mum,

I was reviewing seven types of razors,

I only got up to number five.

Oh, yes, God forbid you'd take after your father with anything.

Facial hair.

Marriage.

Running the restaurant that he left for you.

I don't have time for restaurant-guilt right now, OK?

I'm soft-launching my website.

I'm seeing Dee for the first time since...

..you know.

It's a big day for both of us.

Yes, that's right. The old people's home.

Well, let me tell you, Arthur,

I do not have the capacity.

Your sister's coming over. I've got cooking to do.

God's waiting room will have to wait.

It's an assisted-living village, Mum, and it's just a tour.

And I knew young men who did a tour of Vietnam, Arthur.

They never returned.

This place has happy hour.

Yeah, and I bet the other 23 are just miserable.

Come on, get dressed.

We need to go now.

You're not kicking me out of my own home, Arthur.

If anything, I should be kicking you out.

Hm. Is that a promise?

(GASPS) Arthur, boy, how dare you.

Come on, Mum.

We talked about this.

I was only ever gonna stay here until we found you a new...

..arrangement. This one ticks all the boxes.

It's time. Hmph!

Over my dead body.

Well, that's a cry for help.

New mo, who dis?

You two need to get out.

I have a potential buyer coming in ten minutes.

Um, sorry. Are you crazy?

Mum's only just wrapped her head around the idea of moving.

Gosh, I wish you weren't so allergic to money, Arthur.

Just get her out.

Is that my darling Robbie? Oh!

Christ! Looking great, Mum.

Mum, put some clothes on. Have you lost weight?

Well, yes.

You know the old people's home at West Hillcott?

They found maggots in their mouths, Robbie.

I must look good for the maggots.

Yeah.

Good luck with that. Just...

..get her dressed and scram before our potential buyer comes.

Oh, and before I forget.

(PARTY HORN HONKS)

# Happy birthday... # Shhh!

(WHISPERS) Don't tell Mum it's my birthday.

She forgot.

You shouldn't test her, Arthur.

She'll feel like we're ganging up... I'm not testing her. I just...

I want to know.

For me, OK?

There's no glue here!

You didn't ask for glue.

Yes, I did. I sent you a message.

Oh! (CHUCKLES) OK.

Now it's sent. (DING!)

Mum, you just sent that to me.

Remember to get some glue.

Also warning - Arthur acting strange.

Mum, what the hell?

Oh, well, you needed to hear it.

He's seeing Dee today.

A...a business meeting, Mum.

Oh, baby bro, if you're crawling back to Dee,

I wouldn't do it with that dead animal across your lip.

Looks like a hairy reduced-to-clear sticker.

Oh, hey, come on, that's face-ism!

You're both being face-ist.

Now, please, let's go, alright, we're...

(KNOCKING ON DOOR) Shit. She's early.

Who's early?

If this is another one of those nosy home nurses,

I will send her straight back like the last one.

Mmm.

A pest inspector.

Mum, they're spraying deadly chemicals. You gotta get out.

Oh, please.

Your father and I were tear-gassed in Ghana,

I think I can handle a bit of repellent.

Come on.

Make sure they stay inside.

I don't want them anywhere near your father's last rooster.

Go. Come on.

In...in you get, in you get, in you get.

OK, now, uh, get dressed

and I'll let you know when the house is free from toxins.

I'm coming.

OK.

Simone! (CHUCKLES)

Simone, this is my brother Arthur.

Arthur, this is Simone.

She's one of my regulars.

I crafted those beautiful, sensual, naturally-full lips.

Arthur, be honest. They're too big, aren't they?

Yes.

No.

Big compared to what, is what I would say.

(CHUCKLES) Just a bit of swelling.

Nothing that ice won't fix.

Now take a look around.

Soak it all in. (ARTHUR AND ROBBIE CHUCKLE)

This doesn't feel right.

Listen to me, Artie.

Do you think Dad moved all the way from Ghana,

built a life from the ground up,

slaved his arse off in that sweaty little restaurant

seven nights a week just so we can die poor?

Get with the program, bro.

Beside, Simone is just looking.

I'll take it! BOTH: What?!

You want to buy our family home?

Yeah, I mean, this will all go,

but, yeah, the energy is quite...

..it's quite nice.

And I don't mess with energy.

We have a few more interested parties coming through today.

Mm-hm. One point four.

Alright, one point five.

I'll just talk to the other vendor. Hm.

(WHISPERS) Keep...keep going.

What the hell is Mum going to say?

This is an offer, Arthur.

Do you see any signatures?

Jesus Christ, what's half of $1.5 million?

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold your horses, baby bro.

We gotta pay for the aged-care fees first.

And that's after I take my three percent agent commission.

Wha...! Which is only fair.

(GASPS) Argh!

Oh, it's limoncello.

Couldn't leave it in the house.

Arthur used to steal it when he was a teenager.

Oh, dear!

Don't panic.

I've got just the thing.

My kids used to get wasp bites all the time.

I'm sorry. It's just that in my day, tradespeople didn't get lip fillers.

I guess that's a win for feminism, right?

Mum, what did you do?

It's fine. I appreciate the honesty.

(GASPS) Oh!

You're standing on him!

Excuse me?! Oh...

You're not standing on anything. Mum!

That's where he died!

Argh! Oh, Christ, Mum, please stop.

He was putting on his shoes.

It was an aneurysm.

And now I wonder if he was the lucky one,

considering where these awful children are sending me!

Mum! Mum!

I'm so sorry. (SOBS)

It's fine. It's fine. She's getting on.

You've got a lovely home and... family.

I'll get an offer to you in writing today.

Bye, Simone. I'm so...sorry, yeah.

(SOBS)

The next time there is a surprise inspection,

I shall be on that couch

doing my own bikini line.

Well, are you coming?

Welcome to a land of comfort,

independence

and Zumba every Friday morning.

(CHUCKLES) Oh, Mum, what do we reckon?

(CHUCKLES)

Just as I thought.

It's fucking awful.

Properly, Mum. Please. (CHUCKLES)

(WHISPERS) Sorry.

Ta-da!

Home sweet home!

Northerly aspect to die for.

Dining room up the hall.

Yoga and Pilates every morning to get that chakra singing.

Oh, Mum!

What? She obviously loves birds.

I thought I'd flip her one.

Sorry.

So, any questions?

Ah, yes, I do have one.

How many people have died in here?

Oh, honey.

People are dying to get in here, I'm telling you.

It's a nice modern kitchen,

view of the gardens and...

(ALARM BLARES)

And you found one of the four emergency-response alarms.

(ALARM STOPS)

Good on you.

Bit easier than cigarettes.

Seriously, Mum.

A bathroom over here,

a cupboard slash laundry behind.

And to my right,

that's where the magic happens.

Can we have a word?

I just want to talk to him about his workout regime.

Look, I know that you're a worried son or...

..partner,

but she needs some space, yeah?

Oh, you don't know what she's capable of.

Listen, there's always resistance at first, but she'll come around.

She's strong, fit, smart.

She's got this.

(GASPS) Oh, my God.

Wait.

Might as well start piling the dirt on top of me now, Arthur.

We're going to need a minute.

This is payback, isn't it?

For me wearing my Madonna bra at your sweet 16th.

(SIGHS)

(CHUCKLES) Mum, if anything, this is payback

for you and Dad making me be the restaurant's human sandwich-board

at the front of the girls' college every day after school.

I mean, that's a special type of cruel.

Oh.

I can touch the walls here, Arthur.

Where is all my stuff going to go?

(SIGHS)

We're not selling the house, Mum.

Robbie was just... Oh!

Do not throw your poor sister under the bus.

I mean, she's got a family to worry about.

A career.

You don't think I want all those things as well?

No, I do not!

Because if you did, it'd be you and me in your father's restaurant

instead of that dusty old for-lease sign.

(SIGHS)

Why do you think I'm using the money that Dad left me to build a website?

OK, why do you think I'm trying to patch things up with Dee?

I am trying to get my shit together!

(SIGHS)

Come on.

(GRUNTS)

Please, Mum, what's it going to take for you to take this seriously?

Fix her, Arthur.

Fine.

OK, I'll fix the chess piece,

but, please, can we move quickly?

We're already running late. Dee's going to kill me.

Ooh, she doesn't deserve you.

..and then she got into a fight with the chef

cos he didn't know the difference between Ga kenkey and Fanti kenkey.

It's like...

..you don't even like kenkey, Mum!

OK.

So, uh...

Option A is the concept I would personally choose

cos it's clean and elegant and speaks to men's lifestyle

without isolating a female and non-binary audience.

Mm. Yeah? OK.

And then option B is just some garbage I threw together

cos I know what you like and I think you'll choose this one.

Yeah, you're right. I'll go with B.

Mmm, yeah. OK.

I'll send the assets over this arvo.

(SIGHS) Alright!

Well, it was lovely chatting about you.

Wa...hey.

We haven't talked about us yet.

Well, there's nothing to talk about.

You haven't even mentioned my new mo.

It's hideous.

Well, at least send me an invoice. Dad's paying.

Consider it a birthday present, hey?

Mum forgot.

That sucks.

OK.

Oh, that's too much.

Well, you could have done it yourself, so...

Now, clamp. Alright.

Now, should only take...

..ten seconds.

Let's imagine... Oh, can we not, Arthur?

Let's imagine that we gave it another shot as a couple.

We want different things, Arthur.

You want kids and suburbia

and Friday night takeaway, and...and...and I want...

You want more sex, I get it. Oh, my God, Arthur.

I want connection.

I know six months is a long time to not have sex,

but just cos I didn't touch you with this part in that part

doesn't mean that we weren't connected.

OK, I think I am gonna invoice you.

I was grieving, Dee!

I mean, I'm ready now.

Let's touch parts.

You wanna do it at your place?

Or we can touch parts in that bush over there, like...

I've never been more ready!

I got a job, Arthur.

As an in-house designer at the Ngunnawal Gallery.

Yeah, look, sorry, I'll be the first to admit

that I haven't committed all of the Indigenous nations

to memory. Canberra.

Canberra. Yeah.

Yeah, I can live and work in Canberra.

I mean, I just need the internet. Does Canberra have the internet?

I'm going to go alone.

Arthur, I'm...I'm sorry.

I'm rebuilding my life, Dee.

I thought that's what you wanted.

I want you to not care about what I want.

And despite that thing growing on your lip,

you seem to be doing pretty well.

I think you should be thanking your mum

instead of trying to kick her out.

Stop that fruit!

Oh. Ooh!

(CHUCKLES) Oh! (CHUCKLES) Sorry.

Um, a toddler mistook it for a bowling ball.

Oh, that's OK.

I mean, I played D-grade soccer all through school,

so I came pretty prepared. (LAUGHS)

Anyway, sorry for interrupting your date.

Oh, no.

This is not a date.

Well, let's hope that our little friend

doesn't go for a spare. (CHUCKLES)

Bye.

Is it a date?

How long until you're not grieving with the cute fruit-shop girl?

I'll see you when I see you, Artie.

Feck.

(DOOR CLOSES)

(SIGHS)

Mum, what are you doing?

Oh, just seeing what I can fit in my new glorified coffin.

And you're just letting her do this?

It ain't my house.

You're gonna have to get out of the way

because I wanna fit this chiffonier in.

Oh, no, Mum, stop, please. OK? (MAN COUGHS THROUGH WALL)

Shh. Everyone be quiet.

(COUGHING)

Poor Chong from next door is really barking up a storm.

Arthur, look.

I'm shrinking.

My whole world is shrinking.

I'm like a little mouse in a shoe box

begging for gulps of water from an eyedropper.

Mum, come here.

You always said your happiest times

were when you were travelling through Ghana.

You didn't have any of these useless possessions in these photos.

But you know what you did have?

Oh! I had malaria in that one.

I just didn't know it yet.

You had Dad.

And maybe Dad's all you need right now.

Oh, Mum.

Of course.

You miss Dad.

And I miss him, too, more than I even realised.

We all miss him.

You'll never separate me from my Leo, will you?

Oh, Mum.

Wherever you go...

..Dad goes.

That's a promise.

Well...

..in that case.

Arthur, where is she going?

Mum!

(SHOUTS) Mum!

Wait! Stop!

Mum!

Mum, Mum.

Stop! He would rather have been flushed

than go to that prison!

Stop! Stop!

No, please don't!

Don't. Stop.

Argh!

Pfft! Argh!

He's in my mouth!

Oh! Oh!

My eyes!

My eyes! It's worse than a tear gas.

Oh! Oh!

He can go to the rooster!

Feast, Akroma, feast! No!

Stop! Stop!

The chess piece, the cigarettes, the ashes!

It's not normal, Mum! Oh!

And what's normal, Arthur?

It wasn't normal for your father and me to be together

in 1970s Australia.

But there we are.

We are not talking about 1970s Maggie,

we are talking about today Maggie.

Yeah! And today Maggie does not need an ungrateful son

trying to kick her out of her home

and turn his back on the family business.

Today Maggie almost burnt her own house down

with her grandkids inside!

Thank you for fixing my chess piece.

Now I've gotta go and do some cooking.

And if you wouldn't mind,

could you please turn the stove on for me?

Thank you.

There's a time and a place for those sort of conversations, Artie.

You better find a way to say sorry.

(SIGHS)

No, don't trouble yourself. I'll do this.

Kids! Can you stay in here, please, where I can see you?

(MAN COUGHS THROUGH WALL)

He's dying, you know.

Who's dying?

Yeah, who's dying? Nah-ah-ah.

Cover your ears.

Chong from next door.

I know a death rattle when I hear one.

I'll be damned if he isn't playing chess

with the Grim Reaper as we speak.

I am the Grim Reaper!

Die! Die! Die!

Darlings, why don't you go and explore Mama's old room?

See if you can find a photo of her in her goth stage.

KIDS: Yeah!

What's a goth?

And he was old when we were kids, Artie.

He must be 90 percent dust by now.

No kids, no competition.

If he goes, we swoop with both those properties.

We'll have developers licking their greedy little lips.

Oh, is that the secret to Simone's naturally full lips?

Greed?

Why are you googling the drive time to Canberra?

What's happening in Canberra?

N...nothing.

An art gallery.

That Dee might be working at. Oh, no.

Oh!

Don't even think about it.

Uh, I was writing an article!

Listen to me, Artie. No good road leads to Canberra.

Dee's moving on. You should too.

Thanks, Mum. Oh, hey, Mum. I can do that.

Don't worry... I can handle plates, Arthur.

And if anyone's looking for me...

..I'll be in the kitchen...

..practising how to die alone.

(SIGHS) You better go say sorry, kid.

Ooh, Arthur, Arthur.

Can you just... just check that the stove's off?

Yep.

Peanut soup was great, Mum.

The, um, guy at the assisted-living village was nice.

Maybe you could teach him how to play owari.

(LIGHTER FLICKS)

Mum, is that a cigarette lighter?

Oh, Jesus Christ, Mum!

You can't be starting f...

Stop.

Do not take another step.

You really give me the shits, Arthur. You know that?

You never would have lumped your father in

with those boring old white people at the home.

Oh, but you were happy enough to do it with me.

And I don't know whether that's racism or sexism or both.

We're just trying to keep you safe, Mum.

You know, the night you were born

was the first time your father told me he wanted to start a restaurant.

A legacy to build for our family.

Mm.

He was so excited.

And you must have been, too,

because you didn't sleep for two friggin' years. (CHUCKLES)

But you know what?

In that moment,

I remember thinking I had everything I needed.

Us four,

this house

and a chop-bar dream.

I'll never forget that day.

I just wanted to make it special for you, Arthur.

ALL: Happy birthday, Arthur!

You get 36 birthday punches.

One, two... No, no, no. No, no, no.

(CHUCKLES)

Look, see, there's the house,

and the laundry,

and the cigarette I caught you smoking,

and the tissues I find under your bed.

Oh, no.

Oh, and look at that, Arthur.

The queen's not broken.

I mean, that queen is definitely a little wonky, but, um...

You're right.

She's not broken.

I'll give you a hand, Maggie. Thank you.

You ready for some cake? Ready for some cake?

Hey.

Did you...?

She remembered, not me.

I thought it was next week.

Here you go.

Here we go.

And for you, my darling. Thank you.

OK, dig in!

Oh, lovely. Yeah.

Mm.

That's really...interesting, Maggie. That's...

Was that a Ghanaian recipe?

Mum.

This is disgusting.

Is there any sugar in this?

Oh! So much!

I used half the container.

Hmm. Um. OK.

Oh, Mum, this is salt.

Oh, I thought the batter tasted a little bit tangy.

KIDS: Can we have some cake?

No! No!

No. Absolutely not. No, no, no. (LAUGHS)

I think Mummy might have some chickpea bliss balls in her bag.

No, Mum, no more bliss balls.

Well, bliss balls now, or you can have kale chips when we get home.

Thanks, Mum.

Thank you.

Don't worry, it's just me.

(COUGHS)

Do you know, there was a little bud in the bottom

of the ciggie packet that mum found? (LAUGHS)

This is 2002 weed.

Ooh, vintage. Yeah.

You're going live. Uh-huh.

What you leading with?

First birthday without Dad. Mm.

Bit of a sob piece, but...

You gotta write what you know.

OK.

Here we go.

And now it's out there for the world to see. (EXHALES)

Congrats, baby bro.

I mean, you're a big old dork,

but you're a dork that Dad would be super proud of.

Anyway...

..we're off.

You don't wanna stay?

The kids can stay in my bed. I can sleep on the couch.

I think it's still raw for Liz.

Ow! (CHORTLES)

Some things never change.

I'm off to get your father.

Apparently, ashes aren't good for the soil.

Plus, it'd be nice to have some company in my new place.

Simone sent through the contract.

And?

I think we'll wait till old mate next door carks it.

If you and I get both these blocks together,

be squillionaires.

What do we do till then?

Well...

That's up to you.

Hey, Mum.

Would you mind if I...

..lived here with you for a bit longer?

I suppose we could make that work.

No more fires though, OK?

No more fires.

Now go put Dad back in the garden. I can see worms in that thing.

Every now and then you make a good decision, baby bro.

Mm, proud of you.

Your father would be happy.

He loved being outdoors.

Like I'm...

..shaving with a samurai sword.

Good as new.

Captions by Red Bee Media

Copyright Australian Broadcasting Corporation