Original subtitles

your Royal Highness m is that you

m

cute and how old are you there three you

were knock out even

then and who's the gentleman this lord

maybridge Uncle Edward pretty much the

last time I saw him and where is your

father the king

that's just what I'm wondering

[Music]

so the lunch land at 1:30 after that

you've got half an hour with the

University's Vice Chancellor at 2:00 the

oh come on I've only got 2 minutes with

you and then I'm on way all day let me

just brief you on this stop being boring

yes sir after the after this stop

talking not here

[Music]

please then name me a run boat after you

your majesty

thank goodness I nearly forgot your

spare ties oh miss Thomas um now this is

your old school tie yeah then slip this

one on for the Royal hassar and uh then

finally this one for the athum this

evening sorry do you mind uh no not at

all actually I should come with you to

the car uh great very busy day

right morning am ma justy busy day sir

yeah I guess I'll see you one day if

you're busy Dar can fit me in oh well

I'll get my people to call your

people his Majesty's ties for the

day nice to see you both so happy the

princess would like to see you later

I'll be in

touch I mean I can speak to you in

absolute confidence can't I of course I

am your priest

yes sorry

I've discovered that my mother the

queen may have conducted a friendship

with another man not my father I

see

friendship well don't expect me to go

into detail do you no Mom of course not

well I can only imagine this happened a

long time in the past yes 25 years ago

well they were I know she loved the king

I know she loves you you and King

Richard

and 25 years isn't the king nearly 25

yes it all happened shortly before he

was

born shortly well 9 or 10 months

before Oh John that's not important my

brother whether or not he's legitimate

yes I don't care about that I'm just so

angry with my mother and I hate myself

for it

yes yes M we could talk about that at

some length soon but I just the king

might not be the king even if he's not

well one of us he he's still the king

you're about to crown him on you mom if

he's not truly chosen by God to lead his

people then

I I don't know

we can't cancel the coronation because

of some silly

rumor can

we have you come to tell me the ab is

burn down

it I've just heard that the young man I

am about to Crown may be

illegitimate who told you this

John I can't tell

you a very reliable source

indeed

so your majesty good afternoon

Ian good afternoon

ma'am something

urgent well it's something ma'am

are you well I'm not saying I believe it

or anything but she's got that twinkle

in her eye you know there's this

um the thing I've got word of it's

absolute nonsense of course think of the

best piece of Gossip you've ever ever

ever ever ever heard I I don't believe a

word of it myself but of course it would

be remiss of me not to discuss it with

you double

it double it

again so well here it is apparently

Queen Charlotte goes like a train it's

rumored that you had a relationship with

someone other than your late

husband of course it's absolute nonsense

but if it were

true it could affect constitutionally

the fitness of your son to be

cryed oh Ian well will they think of

next yes it's ridiculous of course you

don't need to worry about it for another

second yes

m'am and I apologize I'm sure we have no

need to mention this again

good who else several footmen the king's

Val chambermaids two ppos NE I have to

tell him none of them

understand what it was like back then

what you were going through they all

think hush

no I need to see the

king how the hell did this one get out

well I don't think that matters not now

you wanted to see me for something oh

just there's a rehearsal run from the

palace to the ABY on Saturday morning at

5:00 I thought you might want the

details for a press release but it

doesn't really seem that important now

we've persuaded Nella to do a special

coronation recipe using British lamb the

government is Happy the farmers are

happy

balls

okay a little something you don't need

to worry about it it's all smoothed over

what's the

news you've heard it too haven't you

it's nonsense

right

absolutely I'm going to have to tell the

King on

[Applause]

there a welcoming

reception and no Brass Band even

better what have I done this time

nothing at

all 25 years ago I made a terrible

[Music]

mistake I became infatuated with

someone it it it lasted about 3 weeks

this

Daddy was away on tour in the Far East

and and I was lonely stupid and

horrible and now everyone

knows what any minute now you're going

to have Ian and Abigail up here telling

you stories about me

I just wanted you to know that they're

true but they don't tell you what you

need to

know which is that you are your father's

son they're saying I'm not

King but it's rubbish Richard I promise

you how how exactly do you promise me

that you know because I'd imagine you'd

have to have some tests done right no a

mother knows oh please and it's all

around the palace is that why you're

here now there's no way of hiding it oh

go W well that explains a lot doesn't it

oh darling you must listen to me you are

the king you are your father's

son they'll kill us for this I'm

[Music]

sorry no no no no no no no I can't just

change the list of Coronation guests

yes of course I've heard of Madonna and

and I'm a big fan but

I no no it's not just a question of

money

I yeah Abby I need to talk to

you hi your majesty

sir you're discussing me yes yes sir

right so we what we deny it we could may

I ask Ian it's true she

uh yeah I might not be

king the Press are going to take it to

Pieces aren't

they they'll want to judge public

opinion first

then they'll ramp it up a bit and then

what then they'll go for you sir you've

no right to reain that'll be the

headline no it's not the headline

because you're a king let's prove that

and get back to the coronation yeah how

take a DNA test sir prove yourself king

and the store is dead yeah but what if

what if I'm not you

are and if

not well we'll cross that bridge when we

get there I I don't know maybe we should

just laugh this one off no sir what

you're ordering me to take the test I

say these rumors cut to the very heart

of who you are if they continue it would

be my constitutional duty to discuss

them with the Prime Minister I imagine

the Archbishop of Canterbury will be

unwilling to Crown you until it's

resolved we can't laugh at it and we

can't ignore it I what do you think the

Press will do if they find out that the

king is having a DNA test well why don't

we test the whole family that way if it

gets out we can claim that we were

screening for a rare blood disorder or

something yes it will test you

all okay yeah good thank you

sir oh

uh I guess we'll have to get Izzy back

here then it's not a problem sir and

I'll talk to your brother and sister oh

well I can talk to princess Elena if

you'd

like

okay uh will you come and find me once

you've spoken to ELA yes

sir yeah and uh don't don't be too long

hey so the Kings agreed to take a DNA

test it's very brave of him actually Ian

would like all of you to take the test

Ma'am why

me no stone left unturned I

suppose are you suggesting that I'm the

one I see very clever who thought of

that I wonder ma'am please tell the king

I will do whatever I can to help

him I'm just worried this will push him

over the edge find out how he feels

would you and then tell major Brooks

here all about

it Ma

oh uh they're on your desk just waiting

for your signature I was just yes you

were now then these ridiculous rumors

about his majesty aren't they I was just

telling Harry yes now who told

you what I I I don't like to say I do

I bet

she oh yes Mom I'd be very

grateful I can't hear you I can't hear

you hi guys hi quick

chat yep

[Applause]

[Music]

your Royal Highness it's great to see

you back the King was most anxious to

see you as soon as you returned are you

well Mom yes David better than ever see

you later so who told you Jimmy RS but

it was already all over the palace yeah

but actually they all lead back to one

person I talked to Margaret in F

division she got it from Victorian fan

mail who got it from philipper and

accounts who've been chatting to you I

talked to Paul the PO who got it from

Carl at the main gate who got it from

Sophie the chambermaid got it from

you Ruby I

never so who told you I

can't

Ruby the Queen's reputation could be in

shreds because of your fat mouth

who well you told me not to tell anyone

especially not

you especially not me who I don't get it

what the hell are we talking

about

hello so what have you got for

me you piece of [ __ ] no I already know

that you started the rumor about Queen

Charlotte they're not rumors yeah but

they were buried until you stoked it all

up and now the king has to deal with

them feel good did Princess Ela get you

to do it look at you suddenly all loyal

she

did you want me to spy on the king and

she spreads this story about her own

mother and he ends up having to take a

DNA test is

she the princess wants to be

Queen Dr Hooper here will take swap

samples from the inside of your mouth

the results will be ready as soon as

possible now who would like to it first

question this is all secure right cuz I

don't want you um cloning any of us I

mean you know I don't want to see

hundreds of mini mes prancing down the M

keep the gags coming fat boy oh hello

Nutter didn't recognize you without your

straight jacket all right all right come

on yes come on this is for Rich I will

go first why does she want him to do

this if the test proves him illegitimate

then George becomes king surely

Ian will have to go to the Prime

Minister and the PM isn't going to

ratify Prince George he'll want someone

more dependable in the time of Crisis

they'll want someone who can restore

faith in the monarchy and that's

princess

Elena thank you

ma'am who's next me please lovely Dr

Hooper is he oh come on Rich I'm fine

now I mean apart from these

uncontrollable urges I get to scream my

own family put me

away perfectly fine

oh come on guys I'm just

kidding all right come on doctor I'm

hardly going to bite your fingers off

say the test come back as negative but

he still wants to stay on have you

thought about that illegitimacy has

hardly recognized these days so many

couples have their children out of

wedlock etc etc he's still fit to rain

what' you do then well Ian will still

have to take this news to the PM see

that's the problem with an Unwritten

Constitution he'd want to make sure the

public still wanted the king to Reign

which

means a referendum on the monarchy

come on then

doctor not one Filling Good eh yes sir

very impressive a referendum are you

kidding he would never put his family up

for public debate can you imagine the

only person to survive that sort of

scrutiny would be princess

Elena if he wants to stay or if he goes

either way she wins and if the tests

prove him King then we just go on

playing happy families you know you'd

almost think we'd thought this through

thank you

sir so that just leaves it's not up to

it when she's Queen everything will be

easier for everyone how long have you

both

been did you get me into bed was that

all part I tell you what let's not go

into what I do or do not feel for you

I'm going to the king no you're

not because you're in love with

him and if you do anything against the

princess she reveal the book and you'll

never see him again or have I miss

something

you know if it makes you feel any better

you broke my

heart just like the king's going to

break

yours thank you your

majesty well

then fingers crossed

[Music]

hi I need to see the king

[Music]

Miss Thomas thanks David hi

yeah I was wondering where you got

to hey what's that it's a insiders

report on life in the

palace a whats Andor exposing on

you your family and staff no way where

do you find it who's written

it

me when they came to me when

they offered me a deal to write it you

were still the Prince of Wales you were

so

different my mother had just died and

you

didn't you didn't even

I just got you

out some girl's plan helped bundle you

to the back of a car and I almost missed

my own mother's funeral and you didn't

even

notice I was so angry and it was so much

money I just

thought I

not and you're nothing like that now but

I've signed a contract and they won't

let me out and I've I've tried and I've

tried but I'm

trapped sir I believe that your sister

princess Ellena is responsible for this

rumor about your mother I believe that

she wants to steal the crown from you

she knows about this book she's been

blackmailing me and and

so you

mustn't trust her but I should trust you

we've got nothing left to

hide please leave me about your sister

major Brooks more or less confessed to

me they've been

[Music]

oh [ __ ] the whole Palace has fallen

apart no no she's probably a bit upset

about something else you know flow

Arrangements s meit

something My5 in the

med I'll get back to

you your Royal Highness now this

business it's um

silly eh yes I just um uh there's a

chance isn't there that I might

well suddenly be it so um I thought that

maybe uh you and I we could have a uh um

a little chat I mean I'm I'm across most

of it you know um these are the the um

religion thing Supreme governor of the

Church of England right yes I well I

know and um then there's uh the AR Army

um admiral of the fleet uh audiences

with the PM they don't go on too long do

they not too long no good and uh there's

probably some charitable stuff I'd need

to brush up on and then there's uh the

Commonwealth my gcsc geography wasn't

really much of a

Triumph so

any

pointers what will they give us two

weeks 2 days notice before we're out on

our ear when King James died there had

his page out within 24 hours heartless

bastards it might be all right you know

they probably want Jimmy to be the new

page of the back stairs no doubt I won't

put it past them no they'd never not

me really

get princess Elena here

now the story will never reach the

comics and even if it does they'll never

publish and even if they did

publish the public would never believe a

word they adore you

ma' what's this don't just

don't I just can't believe it of you I'm

lost no don't do that Ellie

don't I

why why what come on I've just kicked

Abby out of my life I've read some of it

she's told me about you about major

Brooks what do you want to know well I

want to know why you've been such a

complete and utter

[ __ ] I'm trying to help you you I

am um I wouldn't go in there if I were

you it's all kicking off how many more

front page headlines are you going to

drag us all through rich and you do

better yes I would it's natural to me

why is it so hard for you

rich I don't know maybe you are going to

fail that DNA test tomorrow maybe you're

not one of us after all we're meant to

be

mythical we're meant to hold the nation

together other

separate Divine and you act like a bloke

in a bar he come on you're killing mommy

with this I don't understand God it's

nothing to do with her or you you're not

up to it our nation deserves better you

stupid arrogant

maybe but daddy always wanted me to be

Queen and I'm not letting him

down unlike you

[Music]

you better pray those DNA results come

out in your

[Music]

favor goodbye your

[Music]

majesty I think there might be in my

office can I call you back so hi jonty

my man so um there's been a bit of stuff

about about me in the comics before

which um well it wouldn't look very good

if I was you

know

King don't know why I just did that

anyway um I think my image needs a bit

of an airbrush don't

you well maybe if we saw you in church

once or twice oh God no I was thinking

of something a bit more glitzy how about

a new name what do you say

well it's not uncommon for the Prince of

Wales to change his name when crowned

yes sir yes jonty I am going to Rebrand

myself wait for it here you

go King Henry V

9th genius eh

[Music]

can you imagine if your dad had found

out he'd have like chopped her bloody

head

off yeah that's far too quick and

painless for me God is you're

crazy we're not literally crazy just

like a bit mad like oh you're so crazy

dog you badass mof okay it's fine I get

it the point is she helped and put me

away they all

did I'm going to be little miss perfect

princess all smiles and perfect Behavior

do nothing wrong and

then when he least expects it

[Music]

Helena what you must stop

this

no you'll ruin us

all

maybe this won't make you

happy dadd he told me about

you he didn't say who you did it with

but broke his

heart not that he'd have given you the

pleasure of showing

it I visit his tomb at Windsor twice a

week I've never seen you

there or Rich

ah my

Simon come

in

ma'am so I was just interested to know

when you were banging Abigail's brains

out did you have to tell her everything

about me I'm

sorry no ma'am of course

not then how does the king know

everything

major

Brooks if we fail tomorrow what will you

[Music]

do that's

[Music]

all I'm sorry I was so horrid

you shocked

me I thought I was the only one who fell

in love with the wrong

person oh

well

love that's not for

us h

[Music]

I have the test

results your Royal

Highness highness thank you

so well I'm

good typical one bloody chance of being

normal in no

way yeah I keep laughing till it turns

out you're the bastard

yep no problem

here

nervous

yeah shall we then H let's open them

together shall we no you open yours

first yes sir

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Laughter]

well it looks like you're stuck with

me I'll see you upstairs

well then few oh don't worry lovely

brother you were born to piss your life

away just get on with it yeah you're

funny beer please David oh uh I want to

go back over the details of that meeting

I had with the BMA committee can you get

a minute sent up I'm going to be busy

yes sir of course sir

no you can

stand

so so what's it to be a big public

humiliation resend my hrh well what do

you think you're the

king but I don't think we really need

any more bad stories about us at the

moment especially when we're trying to

bury mommy's

mistake I'm sure I need some sort of

discipline but I just worry you'll end

up hurting yourself I still just can't

believe why you do something like this

you're the good one you're always so

perfect I mean how sick do you have to

get

sick look Dr Hooper thinks it's a

delayed reaction to Daddy's death you

poor

thing he thinks you need 6 months

recuperation there's an island in the

Indian Ocean no paps no duties barely a

telephone no chance of anyone bothering

you there and obviously you'll have to

hand over the patronage of your

Charities to me in the meantime my

Charities you can't do that yeah well

some people might even prefer the king

as their Patron I'm not sick well it's

the only explanation I can come up I'm

not

sick from now on I'm going to now on

I'll see you

coming Ellie just do it and calm down no

my brother and sister we can't fall out

forever can

we you can leave after the

coronation

well well

done it's a shame about abig girl isn't

it who on Earth is going to look after

you

now Ma we've

won and His Majesty has torn the

princess to Pieces which is awful just

awful but we've Jolly well done

it your all

highness how did it

go

mom ma'am Robert

glass of champagne right

away ma'am what

happened is there anything more I can

help you with this evening I think

you've done quite

enough champagne man oh Robert thank

goodness for you what would I do without

you h

[Music]

I've

done

everything you've

[Music]

asked I'll take my future on you

my

reputation that's it

right you're sacking me

[Music]

okay your bad is

here wow yeah all

right you guys aren't going to start

crying are you this is going to be the

greatest day of my life

all set yes sir

sir I don't know what Abigail did but it

has been a week now I'm happy to talk to

him

myself do you want me to dismiss it no I

need to do

[ __ ] can you get her here today well we

do of course I'll arrange it

[Music]

immediately all right then

let going to a crown on my head shall we

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Applause]

the

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

congratulations I saw some of it on the

TV you looked amazing yeah well no one

does this sort of thing like the British

eh

I didn't think I'd ever see you

again

no I read your

book you just wrote the truth like you

said it's very

flattering George will do his nut and

Mommy

but well I read it and I found I was

smiling and you were right about Ellena

you've always has been

right always

there you'll make a lot of money no sir

I gave the advance back and I never

delivered a

page there is no book it's

dead how much oh uh 250

Grand uh yeah I um spent most of it well

actually I spent all of it and um I had

to take out another

mortgage

[Music]

so I love

you you're clever and funny and

gorgeous and whenever I'm

stuck I always look around room for you

you're the person I'm always looking for

I love you

too who else apart from my sister has a

copy of the book I don't know not for

sure it's just a

mistake

yeah but the

Press they'll twist it and screw it

until you're

this self evil [ __ ] who's manipulating

the idiot

King public only want a fairy

tale they want a virgin bride without a

past it's

mad I am

King I

have I have palaces and households and

wealth and land and I can't have the one

woman I love

because of one stupid bloody

mistake I'm

sorry

so this is

[Music]

it you love me and it's over

Forever This is it's it's dumb it's yeah

no I love

you I love you and I don't care what the

public

wants and I I won't walk away so you

just you fight for

me fight them and win

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

con

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

everyone

smile and look delighted or else

[Music]