Original subtitles

[Music]

Good morning, Natalie. Finishing late or

starting early? Starting early. God, I

had to think about that for a second. I

should have put these out last night.

The princess does yoga first thing on a

Friday, but then her lunch with Lady

Franklin got changed from Dizzy. So, I

thought today was tomorrow and then I

had to try. Yeah, I'm bored now.

Are you

cold? Oh, you're shaking.

I'm beautiful.

I love you.

I check your diary in the paper every

morning. That is where you'll

be. We've shaken hands 16 times. Did you

know

that touched?

When you see me think not again.

Can I touch you

again now?

Get home, mom. Get out now. Help. Help

me. Help.

[Music]

Hi.

You want to see? If you need me, start

walking. Have you heard? Yes, sir. In

her bedroom. Her bloody bedroom. I'm

relieved the princess is unharmed. I

mean, if he got any closer, can you

imagine? He might have touched her. Sir,

yeah. Poor bastard would have been

frozen to a block of ice. He's back. Oh,

yeah. Sir, I can imagine a 20 footman

all chiseling away with ice picks. Sir,

last night, sir, what I did was

inexcusable. I don't know what came over

me. I think I was rather tired and

emotional. Um but to have crossed the

line like that sir to have kissed me

kissed you.

Yes sir. Well obviously now my position

is untenable. I can't serve you properly

when I'm offering you my resignation

sir.

No. Don't be ridiculous. So it's not

negotiable. All right. Stop.

Look. It's just a kiss. It meant nothing

to me. It was, you know, just a weird

out there moment. If I had any feelings

for you which affected you serving me,

then you know what? Fine, right? We

should discuss it. But I look at you and

I just

see a member of my staff.

Thank you, sir.

Right. So, that's it. Yeah.

Yeah.

Good. Yeah. And uh look, let's not

discuss this again cuz it's Well, it's

really weird. You're a lousy kisser, by

the way. Thank you, sir. Here we go,

sir. Oh, I'm moving my sister from

Clarence's house into the palace until

she feels safe.

Good morning, Ellie. I can't believe it.

Rich. Rich, stop it. No, honestly, I'm

fine. And this is Linen. Hello, Ellie.

Great to see you finally get a man into

your bed. Oh, and uh that moment of

physical contact, it's called a kiss.

There's no need to call the police. Yes,

and it makes a change from getting your

PPOs to force girls into your bedroom,

doesn't it, George? H nice one. Are you

all right? Oh, what are you talking

about, Simon? Look after her and make

yourselves at home. Stay as long as you

want.

We will.

Well, I think Alice is simply divine. A

breath of fresh air. And she's gorgeous,

isn't she?

Even I'm rather smitten. So,

here it comes. Well, it might not be the

worst idea in the world if you two were

to be seen out together regularly. You

want me to pretend Alice is my

girlfriend? You wouldn't have to

pretend, sir. The press can come to

their own conclusions. It would be nice

to enjoy some good publicity for a

change. Is Alice okay with this? She's

thrilled to bid. If I go out with him,

then the press are going to think we're

a couple. Alice, it's front page heaven.

It's 14 covers of a low magazine and you

look good together. Play it right and

you could be set up for life. Play it

right. Don't kiss and tell. I didn't

know there would be any kissing. Well,

I'm just an old romantic. And there was

me thinking this is just the palace

desperately trying to improve the king's

PR.

Is Richard okay with this? He's thrilled

a bit.

said that by bike.

No, no, no. He said you'd be happy. Said

it was all sorted. Who said what? Major

Brooks. He and the princess have moved

into the palace

after

the So, he's hot desking. Needs an

office desperately. Hold on. You're

moving Simon into my office? He said

you'd be thrilled.

Hello.

We have a problem. H I don't know what

to do with all these flowers. The public

adore you more than ever.

A I'm just their humble servant.

There are calls to increase your

personal security. I refuse. Should play

well. They'll increase them anyway.

Good. They bloody well should. I'll

organize some interviews. Show everybody

how brave you were. Yeah. The heroic

princess single-handedly fought off

these. Well, my dresser was there. Sure.

You were the one who took the lead. You

saved her. Yes. What?

I mean, yes. Basically, yes. What? Your

Majesty. Elellanena. Mommy. Major

Brooks. You both seem

very at home. Can I help you with

anything? No. No, just wanted to check

in, let you know I'm here.

Now, tell me about this secret book.

Well, I'm

working and now that I'm actually here

in the palace, I'll be able to have a

proper snoop. I must say, all this has

worked out rather well for us. I know.

Shame I can't have an intruder break in

every week, isn't it?

Thank you, Zammon.

[Music]

[Applause]

I heard you had him on the floor. I

heard he was huge.

Was he huge? I

remember. Pretty huge. I bet she gives

you something. Something. Matt's going

to be dripping in diamonds. The

princess. Well, you saved a life. Look,

there's an official statement coming out

soon. Until then, we're not really

saying anything, are they? Stop.

Stop it. Come on, Neil. When's the stag?

Oh, is your one the hen? Aha. There is

no stag. It's just going to be a quiet

wedding for me and Rob. I haven't got

time for all the fuss. Yeah. Well, the

king's going to be dead jealous. You

having another

fella? Eddie.

Yeah, that's right. We're in Buckingham

Palace, but he can't find a spare

office. Well, Abigail, uh, can you have

a moment? No. Ian, please just carry on

as if I wasn't here. Really?

Fine. Abigail, bump Princess Eleanor

from the King James Memorial Hospital

opening, would you please? Yes, Ian.

Who's replacing her? Alice Templeton.

His majesty is keen to be seen out with

her. They make a wonderful couple, don't

you think? Yeah, wonderful. We'll help

her to settle in, get her anything she

needs. I have a good feeling about them.

Nice to see you, Simon.

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Music]

Right. Right. What's next? Hey, you were

great out there. Really good. Sorry,

sir. We have to wait here for a moment.

Bit of a cockup. Abigail, not again.

Yes. Thank you, sir. It's their mess.

The chairman was virtually suicidal on

the phone. He's rushing across as we

speak. So, you've done nothing wrong.

His name is David Finn. Not the tiniest

little. And you met him at the export

awards ceremony in July last year. Yeah.

Yeah. Come on. Can't I just blame you

anyway?

Well, sir, I do love to hear you mule.

Mu? Yes, sir. It means Yeah, I know what

it means. You Mr. Fisk.

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

Foil Highness.

Just going to lay out the clothes for

your afternoon

engagement. The Stella McCartney launch.

Ma'am,

I have a cold.

Right. It's nothing. Come on, Natalie.

Let's Let's have a natter. Mom,

sit. Oh, please relax. I thought we

could just kick our shoes off. You'd

like me to take your shoes off? No, no,

I don't mean that. Um, how are you?

Yeah. Okay, you know. Yeah, it was quite

an ordeal. Yeah, it was mad.

Are you okay now, ma'am? No. Well, you

know, at the time you were Well, he was

crazy. I mean, I'd have been the same.

Terrified.

I'm fine, thank you. Now, Natalie, Mr.

Bayfield visited me. He thought the

public would be so reassured if we said

we fought off the intruder between us.

We didn't.

You were too scared to move. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. And you and I know that. But

he wants it to be our secret. So we

would tell the world we worked as a

team.

Te a team. You and I. What' you say?

Yeah. Yeah. I like that. You and me. The

18. Exactly.

The 18. Very good.

[Laughter]

I was given flowers, five teddy bears, a

bottle of perfume, and a bra. A bra?

Hey, I bet you keep it. You keep it, you

little p. It's your majesty the perve,

if you don't mind. What do you ask now?

Uh, we've got the Archbishop of

Canterbury, sir. Oh, great. Well, I

could hang about. Oh, he can go on for

ages, can't he, sir? Is he here now?

Yep. On his way up.

Yeah. All right. Okay. I'm sorry, Miss

Templeton. Should I try and arrange

another appointment with his majesty?

I'll call you. Yeah.

Hey, it was fun today. Well, I was

great. You stiff as an old board. You

cheeky cow. See you later. All right,

wheel him in. Wheeling all the way, sir.

Bye. Oh, fatty. Hello, your royal

highness. I hear you had quite a scare.

Who said that? No, I It looked

terrifying from what I read in the

papers. Oh, well, we all know how silly

the comics can be. I mean, they think

you and the king are an item. Yeah,

crazy. Still, I'm sure you're being

frightfully useful till the next stunner

wanders into his life. You don't mind,

do you? Don't worry about me, Ellie.

I'll be fine. And I'm really looking

forward to accompanying Rich to the

opening of that memorial

hospital. Take care of yourself, okay?

You look a little bit peaky.

The dean of Westminster will take the

ampula and spoon from the altar.

Interesting aside, your majesty, the

ampula dates, in all probability from

the time of Henry IV. And we suspect

that the ancient anointing spoon was

made for the coronation of King John in

1199. Whereas now you you know you buy

stuff and you're lucky if it'll last a

couple of years, aren't you?

The dean will pour some oil into the

spoon and with it I shall anoint you in

the form of the cross. I shall start

with the palms of your hands. I shall

say why

we begin with the hands. No, I mean why

do all this?

It is the demonstration of God's choice

of you as king.

Yeah, that's the bit where it all gets a

bit supernatural, isn't it?

Forgive me, your majesty. Supernatural.

I'm just saying, you know, other

countries separate state and religion.

And I sort of wonder whether the only

separation we achieve by this constant

deification of the role is between me

and the people. With respect, it is not

the coronation that separates you from

the

people. God did that.

Neil, is it time to get ready? Oh, your

majesty, your grace. Uh, no, sir.

There's no rush.

Oh,

good. How are the wedding plans going?

Yes. Very well. Thank you, sir. Neil's

getting married this weekend.

Congratulations. Who's the lucky lady?

Uh, well, actually, this is just a

little I mean, it's only really a small,

not even small, minuscule, I'd say. His

name's Robert. It's a gay wedding.

It should be great. I'm looking forward

to it.

Sir, your majesty. Well, ne Neil's

practically

family. Well, you're not saying now that

I'm king, I can't go to a gay wedding.

Well, I do think

fantastic. It'll be great, won't it,

Neil?

Yes, sir. The king coming to my wedding.

Unbelievable.

[Music]

I see commemorative mugs matching tea.

Wedding dress by Alexander McQueen. Am I

the only one just a little bit wary of

buying a hat before the king actually

shows any interest in this arranged

marriage of yours? Abigail, the

Honorable Miss Alice Templeton is

pulling us out of the me. Just enjoy it.

Yeah. Excuse me. Hello. Oh, Mr. Kunk,

thank you for getting back to me so

soon. You're the man who prints the

balloons, am I right? Yeah. I need about

300. Uh, certainly the names are Rob and

Neil. Oh, sorry. I'll repeat that. It's

Rob and Neil. I tell you, it's amazing.

It's like we know what each other's

thinking. We finish off each other's

sentences, stuff like that. How do you,

Ruby? We're a team.

Don't you ever do any work in here? When

I get the chance. So, how's your day?

I'm living in a wonderland. How's yours?

Well, the princess isn't firing all

cylinders today. Less. I did find out

something interesting, though. Really?

our uh mole in the palace. You know the

one right in the book? It's not a Lady

Clark and it's not a footman. It's uh

higher up. So I've heard.

What else have you heard? Oh, not much.

But where did you hear it from? I've

just got this little inside man.

I've got the name of the publisher, Wit

House Lang. Shouldn't be too difficult

to find the editor. And now that I'm

here in the palace, I'm going to get

him. What' you think?

Yeah. Of course you will.

It was like Charlie's Angels. Us against

him. She's Cameron Diaz. I'm Drew

Balammore.

Shh. They're doing the big statement

right now.

Princess Eleanor awoke to find the

intruder, who has since been named as

Thomas Armstrong of no fixed abode,

standing at the end of her bed. There

was a struggle during which Princess

Eleanor managed to subdue Mr. Armstrong

long enough for her personal security to

arrive and arrest him. The palace were

keen to stress that Princess Eleanor was

shaken but otherwise unharmed and

anxious to get back to her royal duty.

She didn't even mention me. Internal

investigation has now begun. That's not

what happened. You

idiot. However, wasn't like

that. Questions will be asked.

So, hi. Do you want a coffee? They do

all sorts of things. You rang in a

panic. Are you okay?

They're on to me. The palace? Yeah, they

know about the deal. You're fine. I

don't feel fine. I'm stopping.

I can't. What's this? A check for the

advance. I'm paying you back.

Sweet. You forget about money. Tell me

what's happened. When you came to me,

things were very different. I was angry

with him. And I thought that if I wrote

the truth, then I'd show them, teach

them a lesson about the way they think,

stop them being so

arrogant. But now he's king.

He's It'll just hurt him and I can't see

the point. Well, I suppose the point is

the taxpayer wants to know. The ones

that keep them in silk and linen. I

don't think. And I suppose the other

point is that I've syndicated the rise

across the world. I've got TV spin-offs,

newspaper serializations, film offers.

So the point is that little old Anne

here wants the

book, and I'll sue you for every penny

you ever earn for the rest of your life

if you try to back

up. Now, you haven't actually sent me a

single word yet, and that's starting to

piss me off. So 5,000 words, email them

over tonight.

You won't make me chase you all around

the palace tomorrow, will you?

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

Hello, darling. You heading out? Just

going to raid the kitchen. Why aren't

you having something sent up? Don't

know. Just fancy stretching my legs.

Yes, you are a bit cooped up here,

aren't you, darling? I'm sure you'd be

happier back at Clarence's

house. Did you see Richard and Alice at

the film premiere tonight? What a couple

they make. Well, I mustn't keep you from

your binges. See you soon, darling.

[Music]

Hey, how's the premier?

Fine.

The film sucked. Uh, no, I I love the

film.

What? What does the king think of me? He

thinks you're great. You talk to him

about me? Hardly. Oh, come on. You're

mates. I've seen you always laughing

together. Well, I'm just a member of his

staff.

When we're in the middle of a crowd and

everyone's screaming and he's laughing,

he looks at me as if I really

am. As if he really

does. Listen, can you arrange some time

for me when there isn't a bloody

photographer there? Give me a chance to,

you know what? Nothing. I'll see what I

can arrange. Because I was told you'd

help. I will, of course. So, what's the

problem? Nothing. You think I'm not

right for him? Sorry. My mind was on

other things. Yeah, you do. You're

looking at me like I'm really not. Yeah,

you're looking at me like I have to get

through you to get to him. What's that

about,

ladies?

Okay, so we've got a visit to Regent

Park Moss coming up, which obviously has

some religious and political

sensitivities to it.

Alice, come on.

Alice,

you can't help me with this. Of course I

can. It's my job. No, there's something.

You know something or he's told you

something about me. There's nothing.

Abigail. Hi. Sorry. I've got someone.

Not now. She says Lucy, please take a

message, will you? Okay, look. Tomorrow

the king's valet is getting married.

There's a press embargo on the event.

So, it is public, but it's not for the

cameras. You can be his plus one.

It's hardly alone, is it? You'll get to

spend the whole afternoon with him. I'll

suggest to him that it'll be good for

the gossip columnists and you can spend

time together without him waving and

smiling for everyone else. How's that

sound? Meeting. Can I take a message?

Okay. Thanks. Your name is Great. And

Featherstone

from Wit House Lang Publishers.

Anything for me? Find your own, Lady

Clark.

You

ready? Okay. Now, they all think this

limo is the coolest thing ever and that

you're completely bloody delighted. So,

uh, let's see the smile.

Come on.

You guys. You

guys. Heat. Heat.

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

If I ever get married? I'd like you to

be just like this.

Yeah, good luck with that.

Yeah,

sir. There's a moment in the coronation

service when the uh it's the archbishop.

He anoints me with oil and he says, "Be

thou anointed, blessed and consecrated

king over the peoples whom the Lord thy

God hath given thee to rule and govern.

chosen by God. Am I really that

different? Well, you're not exactly

normal. Yeah, thanks. No, it's just it's

just that God bit. I mean, really.

Are you telling me that you don't

believe in God?

Okay. Why are you looking at me like

that? What? I kind of have doubts.

What's wrong with that? You don't

believe in God? It's fine. You're

supreme Governor of the Church of

England.

Just

Yeah. Okay. It's a bit Is this where

you've hidden him away? Oh, no. Not

hidden. Just we were Are you enjoying

it? Loving it. Yeah. Miss Templeton,

would you like a drink? Oh, no. You go

on. Have some time with your mates.

When I get back there, I'm going to sort

her out. Yeah. Yeah. Sure you are. Oh

god.

I don't know why the statement said

that. Princess thanked me. Why would you

do that? Maybe she thought you were

upset cuz you just stood there and

watched her. Oh, she was the one. When I

got in there, she was frozen.

It's really cool you came. I feel like

all I ever see of you these days is the

back of your very nicely tailored

jacket. Well, they are very fine

jackets, aren't they? I like the whole

package. Yeah, it's all carefully put

together, perfectly manufactured,

rich,

sometimes you just want to stop

pretending, you know, say what you think

and screw the consequences.

[Music]

Right.

I I thought you wanted me to stop

pretending.

[Music]

I'm sorry to bother you, Mom, but I need

to talk to you about that news report. I

mean, it it said that you did it on your

own, and now everybody's laughing at me.

And we agreed. You

said, "Mom, he's dead."

Mr. Armstrong, the man that was at the

end of my bed, he killed himself in his

cell. Bloody

hell. He said he loved

me. I'm such a freak. I'm work. I work

to make it all look perfect. And then

they come after me and they cut their

wrists to

[Music]

pieces. Stupid word.

Princess. Because it makes people think

you're a fairy

tale. I'm

not. I'm so exhausted. I can't do it

anymore.

You know that we all love you, but I'm

totally

alone and I and I'm a mess and I want to

be queen and it would be a thousand

times worse if I was. He was just mad

and you don't have to be alone and you

don't have to be perfect.

I

do. Yes, I do.

You must be a Major Brooks. Ah, how did

you guess? Well, you're in the

background of all of Princess

Elellanena's photos looking serious

pouting. I pout.

What can I do for you? Well, an I have

this idea for a book. Her Royal Highness

looking sensational in the palace

Balmoral Sandreham. Prophet's going to

one of her charitable trusts. What do

you think? We'd be delighted, but you've

got the wrong girl. I'm more words than

pictures. But I can put you in touch

with someone. Oh, it's it's just that uh

Abigail knows you. Abigail Thomas, the

king's assistant private secretary. Have

I? Uh, don't

think. What was her name again?

It's um, it's Abigail

Thomas. You'd know her if you met her.

Well, not

me. Never heard of her.

[Music]

Hi.

You okay? Never better. Lucy. Yep. I

need to brief Miss Templeton about an

issue with an oncologist and the NHS

cuts. Can you drag her in, please? Right

away.

What? Nothing.

Sorry. I found out who the editor is, by

the way. Some woman called Anne

Featherston. Right.

Do you know her? Me? No. Why? Oh, you

know. You know everyone. Oh, yeah. I

move and shake. Lucy,

you ran tonight. Sorry. It's the

hospital opening and I really need to be

here until he returns. Lucy. Yeah, sure.

Lucy, sorry. I've got to go. It's cool.

It's fine.

[Music]

I have to

[Music]

get the real news, of course, is not

that his majesty was at a film premiere

last night, but who he was

with. The Honorable Miss Alice Templeton

has now been seen on his arm on two

separate public engagements. And I have

heard, have you seen the papers present

at the opening of the King James

Memorial Hospital? Laughable. I question

you. I I thought I might at the

papers. They all think it's bloody

hilarious. And I'm trying very, very

hard to keep it all together. And you

just you're just What are you doing? Why

are you here? What's your latest genius

master plan, Major Brooks?

Nothing, ma'am. I'm very sorry to have

disturbed you.

My dresser,

Natalie, she won't do.

She gets the clothes so wrong. Her own

sense of style is

non-existent. She doesn't get me at

[Music]

all. Get rid of her.

Yes, ma'am.

[Music]

I'm running out of clothes. No problem.

Go to Harvey next. go crazy and bring me

the receipts. I'll pass them on to the

keeper of the privy purse. Okay,

thanks. Abby, how did you know that he

didn't really like

me? I didn't. What's happened? What

hasn't he told you yet? I thought you

two would have

been I don't understand. I'm so right

for him. I mean, the his mother thinks

so, the press thinks so. The public

bloody love me, and he's just

Impossible. Yes. I mean, why is it that

he can laugh and flirt and joke and then

Doesn't that kill you? He doesn't really

do that stuff with me. Yes, he does.

Oh, of

course. Of course.

Do you feel the same? You've lost me.

Yeah.

Your Majesty, the Honorable Miss Alice

Templeton. Hi. His majesty won't be a

minute.

Yeah. Every inch the king,

sir. Miss Templeton,

what do you think?

All the girls will scream.

And all the boys are going to go wild

over you. You look stunning.

Thank you.

Uh, do you want a beer? Uh, yeah. Okay.

Saw the papers. Yeah.

Neil's mortified. Well, so am I.

Buggered up his big day. Such silly

nonsense.

Yeah, but I did kiss you

while they're doing the conga

downstairs. I've never been so popular.

I try my best. You should kiss me more

often.

Are you ready for tonight?

Yeah, why

not? It's just a game, isn't it?

Yeah, it's all a game. Are you enjoying

it?

Not much.

Because I mean, I can I can carry on if

you want, unless it's too awkward for

you. No, I I like having you around. But

you need someone else. Oh, yeah. Because

these days I can just what I'll just pop

around the corner to the pub, go on the

pool, shall I? At least you you know you

know me. You you get all this bollocks a

sherard someone else. Who in the hell

would that be?

I don't really fancy waiting around to

watch you work that one

out. Yeah. Okay.

Okay,

look, we'll we'll do tonight and then

I'll

um I'll do something insensitive and you

can be the heroic wronged fiance.

Rich, I'm not coming tonight. You can

make up whatever story you want. Ally, I

just I don't even know why you're

bothering with stories when it's so

obvious.

What is

you

[Music]

idiot? It's Abby.

[Music]

Hello. You off? H I'm a late replacement

for Fatty Templeton. She blew it. She

got fed up with it all. She walked out.

Well, good for her. Now, who needs it?

Don't you ever

What? Well, don't you ever want want to

be king?

Me? Yeah.

Look at Rich. I absolutely don't want a

piece of that. But if you had to, if he

died.

Uh, well then, my darling sister, it's

all

yours. I know my limits. I'll see you.

[Music]

My daddy will be pleased. At least you

and I. You'd like that? Do you losers

who can't find a date? Yeah.

You'll find someone.

You will. You'll find someone who cares

about you as you really need them to.

[Music]

Stop the car. I'm getting out. Ellie,

I'm sorry. Can you do it without me? I'm

just Just be radiant for me, will you?

What? What are you doing?

Get me back to the palace.

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

And we've just heard that his majesty

will be unable to attend tonight's

opening due to a sudden illness. His

sister, Princess Elellanena, will be

replacing him. Here comes her car now.

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

You kiss me.

I'm sorry. I thought we talked about

this and you Yeah, because if if you

felt something and I felt something

back, it would be a lot of trouble.

Yes, sir.

Because a

king and a member of his household,

it's, you know, it's not allowed. Yes,

sir. And I'm and it breaks all the rules

that this family has carefully set up

over a thousand years. And we only stay

here up here above you lot because it

doesn't allow such things. Never never

risk damaging the fantasy. We're

untouchable. We can't show that we're

normal human. Destroys the myth. You

see, chosen by God.

a king and his

APS. It's

[Music]

laughable. And I'm not They won't They

won't let me be normal.

It's how we're

[Music]

bred. I'm right. Yeah, it's impossible.

[Music]

Guess

so. It's impossible.

[Music]

Right. Right.

Then

[Music]

I Okay. Right.

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]