Original subtitles

hang on check this

out remember

no you miserable cow it's the song they

were playing at the reception when we

you know the one at the suroy the one

where We snuck off you're doing this

on when the revolution comes you are so

going to be the first up against the war

oh class war Rock and Roll Baby shut up

hey shut up Sir shut your go make

me come on Miranda make me

come on miss me

[Music]

morning Mrs

Hill lovely morning Peter yes sir happy

birthday call you later

[Music]

lovely day for trooping the color sir

[Music]

[Music]

morning thought you might want to see

the Press

Cuts there's um a nice piece about

Princess Elena looking radiant and um

quite a lot about you yeah no one here

believes a word of it I told Arabella in

fan mail you wouldn't sleep with the

King even if he begged you like that's

going to

happen

B it'll be worse if his majesty hadn't

turned up this morning for trooping the

color wouldn't it yeah that really

would oh no oh yes he's late how can he

be late I just got a message from

superintendent B Feld saying they're

stuck in a traffic jam on the M3 he's

got a motor K to move traffic apparently

it was just Mr Bayfield and the King all

very low key well what about

backups I'm sure he'll be here any

moment do you know how to delay 1400

troops 200 horses and 10 military

bands Luc see I'll just um find out who

he was visiting last

night Tom and Jessica Howard of course

Ian yeah I need to um

uh he just showed up I didn't invite him

I didn't know anything about it until he

was there why did he come to your place

I have no

[Music]

idea right we haven't been blown up but

we're not that late so cheer up cheering

right up sir Danel good morning your

majesty now we are a little tight on

time but we should manage a quick bath

before I tal you down and squeeze you

into your uniform yeah uh there's

something I trooping the cola does like

to start on time yes yes just I'll be a

[Music]

minute sir your majesty ma your majesty

your

majesty happy birthday sir Miss

Bedford how on Earth did you remember

I've got you a

card well not just me um Arabella and

Tula from F section Georgina from H Emma

from from fan mail we've all um mine's

handmade I was going to ask Abigail yeah

Abigail where is she oh uh she's just

popped off to see serin shall I shall I

call her back no I'll uh I'm fine I I'll

I'll get her to give you don't bother

her what did you two have to talk about

so late at night what you're implying

nothing more than the national press is

this the king's lover hang on where is

it the mirror is unusually colorful

thanks Ian I'm not sleeping with him you

know that so what were you talking

[Music]

about I don't want to betray his

confidence

you work for me not

him well can't we at least issue a

denial we don't comment on title tattle

Ian the Press are all over me they've

gone through my bins they've rung my

family friends they've even rented a

flat opposite so they can get more shots

ride it out well then I'll need to sleep

here someone will have to come and bring

me clothes

and why are you being such a prick about

this

what did you and His Majesty discuss

last

[Music]

night then let me keep

him what about me do you think you'd

notice if I signed it love and kisses

Ellie kiss

kiss oh finny good morning good morning

rinus tell me it's not true man that you

tried to woo my beautiful Ruby with a

Prince George Memorial mug I mean what

were you thinking I thought he was

ironic oh men we just want to be swept

off our feet isn't that right Ruby well

I don't think you could lift me

that I think I shall have to punish you

should I send him to the Tower or Worse

Australia

balum Vinnie you have been extremely

naughty but you can redeem yourself with

a teeny weeny piece of Gossip oh well

I actually I did just come from San's

office he was giving Abigail the third

degree oh no the poor thing well seran

was really crossed with her for keeping

something from him oh Secrets how

delicious yes ma'am and Sir Ian can be

terrifying can't he yes ma'am the way he

was going on at her you'd think she

really was having an affair with your

brother

my

brother do you mean his majesty the king

yeah yeah yes ma'am the the king man

well he would never stoop so low do you

understand

me I think that's enough play

time oh look his majesty is too busy for

Queen Charlotte get over it you are the

page of the back stairs aren't you oh

the last time I looked yes my dear boy

it's not enough to be his gatekeeper you

have to know his secrets too if you're

going to protect him properly good

morning your

[Music]

majesty your majesty David such a shame

about this morning uh yes I must try no

need to explain I'm just minor royalty

these days on the contrary mom we were

just saying everything's so damn tight

your

majesty oh Mommy

hello you look just like

him your

majesty are

you look come Neil we're all right for

10 minutes aren't we no sir we

have you have trooping the color I'm a

bother silly of me excuse me

[Music]

sir we really need to be on our

[Music]

way look at him all dressed up I mean

how much action can you actually see

guarding the knight's Bridge

[Music]

Barracks I wish I smoked it's just the

sort of time I should be sucking down 40

tipes of cancer

why don't you just tell seran what you

and the King were doing because come on

Simon you must have secrets about

Princess Elena that you won't

share if the king thinks that he can't

trust me then I should quit right

now come you don't you don't think oh

well thanks AB bundled oh no no no no no

no [ __ ] no what you and him and you've

got me with all my palaces and family

big dope this is how it works around

here always has loyal servants falling

on their sword to protect the Monarch

you know that well I never felt like a

servant well then you're

stupid I hope she's worth it I really do

I hope she's going to end up as Queen

and you're not just covering up

something that's going to end anyway

well she won't be Queen she's married

stupid they've got no chance they've

got no bloody

chance I don't know why

they it's Miranda

Hill yeah so I'm hardly protecting the

future of the British Monarchy am I you

know if if Anna just asked me like I was

a human being not

some porn in his Royal chess game then I

might have told him

look they're going to be off the balcony

in a second a b yeah

thanks

H it's Miranda Hill

M I'm disappointed M why the table's set

for three

I always preferred our more private

sarees well darling you're editor of the

news of the world filthy Journal like

you don't say sare I'm just trying to

push myself up a bit so you

are your Royal Highness one over

here shall

we George doesn't like to dine With the

Enemy oh not that bad of course you're

not which is why you're not going to

print any more articles about his

majesty and his assistant private

secretary I'm not well it's silly says

who says me you're not the only bully

around here my darling no M and I mean

if there was a lover she wouldn't be an

APS she'd be a woman of substance you

know who she is of course not like she'd

tell

you no I'm sure you wouldn't so what is

his Tian what isn't hang on you um relax

Geordie no one's going to print anything

will knows how this works the king does

it it all the time does he of course PR

meetings leaks to favorite journalists

evenings with Downing Street's press

machine well Miranda

Hill those ones go on and on Jesus

Christ I can't stand Miranda Hill I mean

who ever heard of a socialist called

Miranda especially one who wears Prada

Ian Ian you're coming with me to see the

King right now what right

[Music]

now tell you what princess Elena was

right you do deserve something Vin the

Palace gift shops really not my thing no

no no no something big sweep you right

off your feet something romantic yeah

yeah you wait

it's going to blow you

away sir I think we have to tell seran

about

um you

know

about the news of the world have been

tipped off they're going to press on

Sunday please look am I um missing

something

the woman at the center of the innuendos

concerning his

majesty the story is about his person my

lover yes sir thank you sir it's Miranda

Hill how do they

know Miranda Hill a married woman a

politician you're risking it all on her

we're working away and you I think we

should just Abigail know as well mhm so

I'm the only fool not have been

told his majesty made a promise on TV

now he may be exposed as a

liar what if I say I don't care I'm

staying with her stuff what anyone

thinks the public won't stand for it

what does that mean it means it means

it's

over so that thing you said before about

knowing his secrets well I've been

making sure I've hung around a bit more

listened in when normally I'd mind my

own business and you know what I kind of

wish I hadn't heard any of it oh I'm

sorry the burdens of our masters weigh

heavily upon us yes it's a

pisser maybe maybe I might share some of

the

burden hey

Ruby how come you're up here Vinnie told

me to come up here and look

out oh Vinnie

I need to tell you

something

um the woman

um the woman that the Press are after

The King's

lover it's

me I haven't told my husband yet I I

wanted to tell you first

because well I can imagine what you must

thinking I have always been 100% loyal

to

you however compromised I've been

compromised is that the

word you'll have my resignation within

the

hour

here sit down

it's a report from five they've been

intercepting phone calls between you two

for uh o 18 months now I know you've

both been very careful new phones and

the like but uh believe me when these

boys want to find something out they

generally

do they brought it to my attention uh

last

June I knew you'd probably let me know

when you felt the time was

right like when the king decided he

wanted to pick a fight you could have

put him straight I did try you know I

always had you down as a republican you

know I

don't I don't have to explain myself

please spare me the grizzly

details you're not resigning you're not

even splitting up with

him do you really think I'd let go an

opportunity like

this come on you must have known you

think I'd have let it carry on if I did

I mean of all people he does pick them

but the Press on this one a married

woman a connection to you I think I can

control the Press few promises on the

Never Never and uh we should be all

right all right Ian I don't think they

should split up he needs her she's a

good

influence listen King's young of course

he's going to find it a little rocky to

start with but Miranda guide him and in

a few years

time he'll be trained she told you and

you've asked her surely she's not going

to carry on now that she knows you want

her to Miranda has a reputation a

husband and a career to protect she's

going to be fine fine she's anything but

fine the Press are after a lover do you

think they're going to stop till they

found her

s let's give him one who do we give you

well I was think thinking of Abigail

[Music]

Thomas you look tired H it's been busy

you must be too having to come here

working so late Abby I think we both

know I'm not here on state

business Mrs Hill he's waiting for

[Music]

you when I heard them Play That Tune at

the trooping of the

color I didn't know where to look I

thought you'd tell me it was tacky

well finally she's

impressed I love

you you know about this

deal yeah yeah I get to tell the world I

was screwing Abigail Thomas and I have

to make her say it's true Ian says the

will get bored with her in time is he

right in time but before then what am I

asking her to do you're asking her to

protect

you and

me yeah the Press will kick me to pieces

you know that does the PM know about

this no of course

not I knew about the risks when we

started but I didn't know that you would

be

so you oh I love hearing you talk I

could listen to you for hours the way

you use words well some somebody has to

educate the idiot ruling classes oh I'm

not

worthy but Mary it can't

work yes it can you're the king you can

do anything yeah since when don't you

want to help me yes but we have to be

honest with each other honest fine kick

me out then go ony no look no I'm not

like you I don't live in a bulletproof

Palace I'm scared okay okay can't you

see that is this honest enough for you

now you Begg me to come

back and I love you so I

did I love you and you love

me it's

simple please

rich don't throw me out to them please

don't please God I won't I won't

I

promise how little do you think of me on

the contrary you want to shove me all

over the front pages just so he can

continue I want you to make a sacrifice

for his majesty yes would he do the same

for me he does every day they'll print

stuff about me I'll be the king's [ __ ]

oh don't be some M dramatic why don't

you take the fall somehow I don't think

they' buy the idea of me and His Majesty

come on look it's an attractive offer

it's a beautiful property yours for life

and there be other favors we we we don't

forget you will be secure for life no

Abigail no and if you kick me out if you

get jonty to release that [ __ ] story

then I'll go to the press and I'll tell

them the truth no you

won't forget the author I want you to do

it for him I want you to do your job as

APS and protect him does he know about

this of course and what did he say when

you suggested this well he was very

angry and

upset I told him it was your

idea well I want to see

him take

it Abigail we all adore you but we live

in a world where people want their kings

to be

Gods things get broken

[Music]

hey Abby

hi what's happened someone sleeped a

name what the Press know about me around

the hill

[ __ ] okay that's good

right what Abby I swear on my mother's

life I did not leak Miranda Hill's name

to the press okay okay I need to see the

king Abby who oh talk to me Simon

they're going to print the story what

story the one that says I'm the king's

lover you're not no but they need me

[Music]

to you know I am just a servant after

[Music]

all Miss Thomas Fus sir

um I have the boxes for you sir okay uh

just over here please yes

sir is there anything else

no sir that's everything I'll be heading

home

right uh well good night then good night

your

[Music]

majesty so to my wonderful amazing

private secretary to you no I just um to

a man who has gone beyond Duty and don't

be embarrassed I bet you gave that ABY

girl the time of her

life I should be

jealous tell me what she said again she

said she'd take the money and the

property and then sell Miranda no no no

not that bit the bit about Richard being

beneath

her

pricess that is

iceless ma'am is there any way that we

can stop Abigail from taking the fall

from the

king I think what he's doing is

disgusting you'd never do such a thing

to

me I I think we should find some way of

protecting

her then I might not

win you do want me to win don't you yes

of course

ma'am so what were you saying

nothing nothing

ma'am stop

fidgeting well hurry up

then what is all that anyway this is a

new forward for a wi cookbook that I

have to

approve and these are me looking Gastly

in my Royal voluntary service uniform

let's see no you don't no go open why

you horrible

child what you want

anyway I think it's time I came

clean with

you with me with the

public

mommy I'm gay as it come to this my

valuable time taken being teased by the

spare I used to be Queen I used to be

adored by millions you still are Mommy

how is the

king we're not

talking so he has to do it on his own

Ellen is

there he doesn't want me no darling he

doesn't want me our King only has time

for Miranda Hill nowadays and smart

though she

is other

people

he he's seeing Miranda Hill oh darling I

do wish you'd dropped this aen new

routine it's nearly as awful as the gay

one

yeah your majesty your brother Prince

George you busy not for you mate fancy

20 points in a game of

cricket Freddy's on

98 Freddy looking for his 100 and in

comes curtly

Ambrose sorry sorry slip from my hand

yeah

yeah so with the rest of the batting

lineup in all sorts of trouble after a

dodgy Curry it's left to the big

Freddy ah God what is your problem you

hypocrite what we have to do the right

thing

mate yeah I have to you get to Shag

around as much as you you would have

sent me to jail it's different why cuz

you're the king and I'm just the spare

no it's selfish

bastard I love her well someone get out

the violins if I stop now it'll make no

difference I'll just be even lonelier

you don't talk to me anymore yeah well

and Mommy's mad as ever Ellena just

freaks me out with her perfect

Bloody everything

yeah I stop and

I'll I can't stop you don't want me to

pull my heart out to you do you God

no bet she's rubbish at Cricket wellow

she's got a nice reverse

sweep you tit yeah King tit his majesty

King tit i

f just be the man cut her loose stop

embarrassing us all what if I can't then

piss off together to the bloody

Caribbean live happily ever after it's

bloody

obvious Jesus Christ I could be king if

it's this Bloody easy

[Music]

Jesus I wish you had been screwing him

then at least you'd have something to

write about I've got enough to write

about well we're fine then you've

doubled your money shed load from us

shed load from

them

yeah so I just wanted to leave on my own

terms I don't want my book to be written

by bitter ex employee oh don't worry

about that that'll all add to the Des

spice of the sales pitch everyone loves

a bit of

Venom it's funny I can never read you

half me thinks you're pissed off cuz

he's dumping you I mean you're hardly

his girl are

you Queen Abigail I don't know it's got

a certain R to it I

guess I can do Jin and sin Jin and

French Jin and it Jin and Sherry

in recognize the theme you covered my

room in rose petals last

night BL it's really doing my Ed in it's

just Vinnie oh he's sweet I don't want

sweet um talking doesn't stop you

pouring

bibs I want a um I want a man who not go

for guys are a bit nasty in they rough a

bit scary even is a turn on

Vinnie's bless him is lovely but Jesus

it's like I'm shagging my

brother ew yeah

she's going to dump me isn't she no I

don't think so well I've been given her

the full V treatment man yeah I think

that's the problem what I think what she

said was she'd prefer things a bit

nastier nastier what she used that word

nasty yeah what like nasty sex I don't

know Ruby's mad mate just she I was a

few Janss down

she said nastier

rougher yeah I think she did mean

sex your majesty uh should we go

somewhere what do you think of this

business with

Abigail not a lot come on say it well

all she did was open her front door to

you she doesn't deserve it Mar you think

Miranda deserves it

I think we'll lose either

way your

majesty good morning perhaps we can

continue any conversation out of public

ey what will actually happen if they

find out about Miranda and me they'll

come after you sir we might reach

Tipping Point no recovery jonty oh well

I'll certainly be busy yeah and Miranda

it could get very bloody for her we

don't half love taking one of our own to

Pieces P Abigail understands she's happy

with the offer you no need to be her I

want to know what deals you've done with

the

PM you have to be

protected you and the family think of

the pain this would cause your mother

think of the damage you could be doing

to everything you were born to

protect please uh please do your duty on

this

jonty talk to the editor of the news of

the world tell

him tell him about Miranda and me and

make sure nothing is ever written about

Abigail sir and make sure he knows he's

getting an exclusive they owe us yes

sir I'm sorry this is so painful for

[Music]

you it's just got to be done

go

[Music]

on

[Music]

johy get Miranda back in she can come in

the front door this time yes

[Music]

sir s my intentions throughout the whole

of this is not only

to they want me to open a Recreational

Sports

facility in toting

please ma'am well it is London I

suppose just ma'am the king is busy

Jeremy ma'am he needs

[Music]

you you can start unpacking deal's off

and the offer you got I want the paper

back come my desk in 10

minutes if I find out you begged him to

do this have you said anything to him

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

drink no

I made you a

promise I'm

sorry I always knew I shouldn't have got

involved with you a

lot bloody TOs

Miranda I don't know what I was thinking

I like you I'm sorry

take care of

him your majesty your

majesty your majesty Her Majesty your

majesty your mother would like to see

you no sir she's come to the door I

don't think I can turn her away why not

why can't

you darling yeah oh I know you're far

too busy to see me you okay yeah I need

a drink want one it's a little early for

me Richard I'm worried about you oh

finally here comes the calry just in

time I've tried leaving you

alone but you have a lot to learn from

you let's do some joint events just as

your father would sometimes do with

Ellen what's wrong with the duties

you've already got well I don't do

sports centers but anyway that's the

duties asked of you

David bear mate thanks

I have never shered my duties not once

what's this

then I'd like to be more involved in

your life to show me how to do it you

don't go outside the palace do you

actually know what's out there yes

Richard it's full of nasty mean selfish

people who want to hurt you not a

clue I know about your lover I know

about the deals she did with the p.m and

I know she would have betrayed you they

all will now you're King go that's why

I'm Richard you don't know her I am

trying I don't know what kind of Mind

Games you're trying to play no I am not

never you don't get to talk about her

your mother yes so I heard

The Lodge at

Windsor has been fitted out to

your exacting

demands it's ready for you now for some

reason you refuse to leave the

palace well you may go there now

[Laughter]

oh this will run for weeks this front

page of all the red tops air to the Bone

the sin King King King

dingy they're getting more confident

nastier oh it's very coarse isn't it I

need to get you out there the

alternative the beautiful graceful

Serene a children's hospice maybe I

leave it all to you my Maestro I am

sorry by the way sorry ma'am about

Abigail I thought she'd be gone is she

hanging off you in desperate need for

Comfort she is no bother well she seems

a bit of a bother ditch her she's useful

loyal and never

complaining

mon

[Music]

m'am you girl [ __ ] get in

here did you just call me a [ __ ] yeah

and shut up you like this right yeah now

you're going to come over here and get

what you deserve cuz I'm going to [ __ ]

slap you till you beg me for Mercy you

woman

thing and if you argue back you're going

to feel the back of

my look I'm not actually going to

but you be careful though cuz I'm bad

now you take your bloody clothes off and

get ready for a right scene

to oh

[Music]

Vinnie I have the boxes for you sir uh

just take them inside and I'll uh I'll

look through them later

[Music]

honestly I'm not shering yes

sir thank

you do you need anything else no sir if

that's all I'll be heading

home good night your majesty night

Abigail

[Music]

King tit the

F yeah that's me

[Music]