Original subtitles

[Music]

yeah thanks

[Music]

Phil Sir

Johnny Johnny you budy star Jimmy sir a

mind reader you are perfect chill to

perfe is there anything else there no

it's top what is it tonight reception

for the relief workers in honor of their

great work during the Great floods

great look um why don't you

um

here have this it's um just it's just

some present from some shake or sulan or

thingy and I got plenty of them and uh

you know you're a good Chap and uh I

mean we get on don't we Johnny yes sir

thank you very much yeah

yeah you haven't um I don't suppose you

know how the king is do you I haven't

seen him today sir but I can find out

for you you I'll see him soon enough

anyway right well thank you

[Music]

sir how's his majesty tonight sulking M

oh dear nothing to do with me I

[Music]

hope so so uh what are you going to do

me well you are the page of the

backstairs aren't you oh stuff you Neil

you're his Majesty's valot you want to

change his CS you get in there what and

get my skin torn off no

[Music]

[Applause]

thanks

have to me giv up a young I'm just

wondering uh what's that V yes I do

happen to know what the time is actually

uh let me just check on my uh brand new

Rolex fake real Prince George gave it to

me cuz we're like this oh yeah you and

the prin T separated it talk to the

watch Ruby hey Jeremy check it out it's

rightfully vulgar to beg trinkets from

un Masters oh I suppose you can't fit

into any of Queen charlott's frogs can

you oh oh oh I've done the shoes hope

they're up to the king

standards

K get Jeremy yeah Neil was busy and

Jeremy thought it would be a good chance

for me to show my value work my way up

you

know

um those aren't the king's

shoes the

jeremis darling

boy what never made you think they

weren't mine what a

model congratulations Jimmy you've moved

up the ladder mate you're now a queen

[Music]

valet

[Music]

can't keep

away official business something we

simply get off your high

horse johy I'm Miranda M pic can I grab

you yeah please take him away come on my

best to Tom and

Jess may I ask m- nope okay uh who's Tom

Jess

[Music]

nope

[Music]

very good I wish we could speed that

thing up don't

[Applause]

you good evening sir I got to win you

over to the yes in a

minute I'm sure you thought you would

protecting me somehow by not telling me

about my brother but if you ever ever

keep a secret from me again then you're

gone have I made myself understood yes

sir

right I'll go and see the bishop of

North umberland I could no I can manage

couldn't help it worm right into the

middle could you darling I'm

sorry advising Richard just like you

advised your father I'm just trying to

stop George from going to jail we on my

darling have another gin

mommy prime minister Mrs Hill your

highness ma'am may I say you look

absolutely stunning tonight you may how

nice to see you all Mr shaww Mrs

your majesty I'm sorry sir but I did

promise Mr rier head of Forex of fire

service you'd give him a I'd hate to

hold up your official duties well maybe

I'll find time for you later Mr Shaw I

can't

wait sir I'm very sorry I should have

you yeah all right I was coming out of

car look I want to wipe that smirk of

the PM's face who should I be talking

to um by the fireplace attractive woman

in the red and black

got she's F Martin yeah she's the shadow

home office Minister yes sir tip to be

the next leader of the opposition she is

younger than him prettier than him the

next threat really so if I if you helped

her make it to tomorrow's front pages

which would make her the talk of

Westminster which would then give her TV

which would raise her profile and funds

for a leadership challenge exactly

you're completely forgiven in fact I'm

renaming Lancashire after you it will

henceforth be known as Abby Shire yes

sir um Mr rou is just here oh come on

that was a bit funny wasn't

[Music]

it a pleasure to meet

[Music]

you hell Arthur

you next for your dedication is Carl

Anderson he represents the yeah uh I

need a

pee yes

sir Miss Thomas major Brooks how many

bedrooms are there in the palace 52 52

yeah you knew that right yeah well it

just makes you think think what one a

week hey your majesty I just wanted to

know how it felt when you saw that MP

attack me on TV just as you told him to

feel good humiliating the monarchy

rehearse that speech if you a little

standing better in my

head you hurt me I had to and when the

PM laughs at me behind my back do you

join in make more jokes yeah only mine

are much better look jonty knows about

us this is getting too dangerous it's

always been

dangerous I'll talk to him it's fine no

it's not Mar look these last few days

with the PM and everything else I think

that you and I with all the pressure

that's around and I think that we should

end this no no what do you mean no I

have a life beyond you that doesn't need

trashing oh thanks it's not like I'm the

only thing in your life is

it but we don't need to split up we just

we just need to cool it for a bit stop

denying who you are why can't we just

cool because he will smash you up okay

he hasn't even started with you yet he

will make me hurt

you I have to go do you love me for

God's

sake goodbye sir

[Music]

get

jonty good evening sir AB a girl give us

a minute would

you I want you to arrange some press me

and a guest just the two of us somewhere

decorative in about 15 minutes okay

who's the guest that thing you know

about me it's finished so you can forget

about it yes yes sir I never really

wanted to know about it in the first

place who's the

guest that woman there what's her name

that's Fiona Martin She's the she's my

guest hi Fiona your Ma I've been meaning

to chat to you all night perhaps we can

go somewhere a little quieter of course

I hear you're making some real waves in

the shadow I

flattered I read the

papers

oh the times the mirror the guardian the

telegraph they all have them on the

front page but he didn't actually say

anything political she's the shadow

bloody homeair Minister he just says

they share a mutual interest

really so she's coming back to his place

to listen to his latest Arctic Monkeys

LP is she yeah you were doing really

well till you said LP look I it's not

actually so bad not compared to the

mess's brothers in has he spoken to

either of you about Prince George uh no

he seemed pretty fed up with everything

last night bit like you

jonty moving on then

yes Ray hello hello sir I

wondered how do I get to speak to the

king please morning

Maria darling I was wondering I seem to

be less busy than I could be and I

thought you might need some help you're

bored I just thought you might like my

eye on certain matters why you don't

think I'm on top of things you will be

but there does seem to have been a lot

of fuss fuss thanks

mommy excuse

me excuse me Your Majesty your

majesty your majesty your majesty Mr Ray

M would like to see you okay now I'll

come no Richard

no I'll see him

now

I loved working with your father so job

of a lifetime and of course it's been an

honor working with Prince George but

this business with the car to hit a man

and then drive off not to help

him I want to go to the police and tell

them that it was me driving Ray you

can't that I could never ask you to do

that I know sir you could go to jail

what the prince did was wrong but I

assisted him

so I'm guilty too but there's no way he

can be involved that's not possible I

feel it's the only answer sir just leave

it with us for a while would

you yes of course sir thank you thank

you

Ray

he's willing he go to bloody prison yes

sir Peter Bayfield called from the

hospital the victim can't remember

anymore of the number plate and the

police don't have any other leads oh so

we got away with

it right anything else I've had Miranda

Hill on the phone busting a gut about

today's front pages she's screaming

political bias I think you made quite a

statement last night

Sir

right I'll go and give Prince George the

good news

no no [ __ ] if Ray

can George is going to have to own up to

what he did and he's going to take the

consequences

David go and get George oh Ray M what a

guy you know

um I remember another po I think his

name was Rob did the same thing for my

uncle ended up head of customs in

Bermuda I think we could do something

like that for old Ray maybe once he's

finished his prison term sir oh don't be

like that good word here good word there

we'll sort old Ray out yes sir Johnny

Boy good to see you it's all right abig

girl thank you thank you very

much your post sir anything else yes I

think there is go get a suit from

wherever they're kept any suit it's

yours you've earned it thank sir no

Johnny thank

you David God I'm popular today you're

all right so I think I think the thing

to do is

that you're going to pay a visit to the

hospital a surprise visit so we don't

have to do it with the press or any of

that [ __ ] but you're going to talk to

the man you here tell him it was you and

then you're going to ask for his

forgiveness and if he doesn't want to

give it if if he wants to go to the

police well then that's how it goes but

that's not going to happen and I'm right

here giving you all the support I can

and you know that but this way we're

we're doing it

right is that it yes that's

it there is no way on God's Earth that

I'm doing what you just said George

George

George George

George that went well

then yeah this place not all Garden

parties is

it

yeah oh hey have you ever heard of Tom

and Jess I don't know the surname Tom

and Jess Tom and oh there's the Howards

of course who are they just friends of

his majesty he visits them quite a lot

somewhere up north I think Neil might

know right thanks

[Music]

David yeah your majesty Mrs Hill from

darning Street sir

I'm afraid I'm

[Music]

busy Lucy can you find an address for me

please Tom and Jessica Howard friends of

his majesty yet I can't find them on the

[Music]

database look guys I don't know oh

grower backbone will you yeah but it's

just it's part of the tradition he will

have done this to other footmen when he

was younger back in the

1860s looks like Jeremy likes a queen on

top at night E look all this stuff must

be holding all these years he'll be back

in half an hour come on will you go go

go

go he's told George to

confess he won't let Ian Buri it

disappointing

easy Rich you'll kill one of them one

day oh God have you won yet Ellie if

you're not going to try it's not worth

all right fine go on you boys can relax

yeah I know we just have to be seen to

do the right thing rather than actually

do it but I am right about George aren't

I I think I think you've made a very

brave decision yeah thanks and this

fight with the PM nice front page photos

Rich you smuggle bastard I hear he's

fuming so what's next oh I don't

know I feel like I've made my point

really are you king or not if you can

send your brother to prison then you no

I'm absolutely 100% behind you I just

think if you're willing to do that you

have to make sure that old man shore

stays down and don't let your office

bully you if Fe and the others don't

share your vision then get some new

faces

in yeah I guess there are hundreds of

ways to exert your influence if you

really need

to come on one more set and then I'll

tell you how we can really really upset

the

[Music]

PM

hello

[Music]

look I know this and you know this this

is not just about the king it's about

the institution and its future so while

we might all knob while we're in there

the fact is that Prince George Will

Never visit that hospital and the sooner

the king stops wasting his time fighting

the Prime

Minister the

better

yes

good

your majesty hi oh hi come in come in

your majesty how is everyone very well

sir

good so seran your majesty shall we

start with a weekly diary Abigail has a

detailed agenda for us all actually I've

had an invitation sorry uh do you mind

there's a school for disabled children

under threat of closure I was rather

disappointed when I read about it I

thought I might put in a visit this

didn't come through the office well

Ellena always seen to do this kind of

thing and just because I'm King doesn't

mean I should only be doing the

Glamorous stuff what' you say Abigail

sounds very admirable sir yeah doesn't

it uh here we go ambl down School in

Broms grve oh well that's easy to get to

isn't brms grve yeah the prime

minister's

constituency is it go uh oh well maybe

we could do a joint visit in what do you

think he'd

say I'll ask him great have we go thank

you

sir anything

else good thank

you

sir I know your intentions are admirable

but please stop I think you're making a

terrible mistake with your brother and

fighting the Prime Minister I'm not

fighting the PM so everything you now do

look I don't want to talk about it

George is being George I need you to fix

him make sure he goes to the hospital

sir I don't want him to go I don't want

you to risk humiliating him I want you

to understand I don't care what you want

do

it

Ian do it

yes the president of the United States

of America slept in this bed so as joal

Al are we lowering the tone on the

contrary they're all at it

come tell me tell me who is the King's

lover tell me tell me I don't know you

won't tell if I knew I wouldn't

tell that's good that's good you

shouldn't tell no unless you really

really wanted

to does the princess keep secrets from

you of course she does Abby it's them

and US won way traffic you know that so

why put up with it because of

her I mean like you you'd uh pretty much

do anything for him wouldn't

you

[Music]

yeah Jeremy thought you're off tonight I

am we dining out with the mount chice

well why aren't you downstairs then

you're not still mad at us are you it

was a joke my dear boy that's nothing

I've had my underwear flying from Sand

Ram's FL P so I've lost her

diary when you played that tired old

room prank and all my stuff came back

the diary was

missing I always take it to bed with me

for

safekeeping now it's gone and soon she's

going to want to write in it whoa whoa

you've lost the Queen's diary I didn't

lose it you imbecil easy now she's going

to kill

H do you know what that diary contains

it's history it's a record of this

country's greatest

events scandalous some of

it well the thing she's been up to you

wouldn't believe unless you'd read it

with your own two eyes you don't have it

really oh so I wouldn't know about her

secret meetings with the Earl of

rore give it to me no

give it to me no unless you want the

palace to know all about mummy's little

habits are you blackmailing

me yes I am now my shoes my tea and the

Daily

Mail get

[Music]

up

[Music]

Jesus Ian get out we need to have a

conversation sir no please sir please do

you remember your uncle Prince stage

lives in a little cottage these days

miles from anywhere uh of course he lost

a lot in the divorce but at that stage

he still had the estate then that went

to the Bays after the business failed he

never was much of a businessman but it's

hard to be with a drink and a drug

problem would you say you're much of a

businessman

sir I suppose losing all that was what

brought on the brick down and all

because of a silly joke at King James

expense then that's what happens when

you incur the Wrath of the

Monarch I saw Uncle David

once stood behind the ratings for the

rest of the

crowd like a

ghost can't believe my brother sent you

I promise we will do everything we can

to protect you

sir no I'll do his but Ruby did I ever

tell you about the Queen's visit to

Ascot last year and her mysterious food

[Music]

poisoning

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

la

what's

that I've come to offer you my

resignation

sir well I I feel I've lost your

confidence maybe I'm too oldfashioned

maybe I'm just too old to serve you as

you would wish but I have failed

you I should have stopped you being

dragged in I wasn't dragged but I should

have stopped it well you couldn't it was

my duty

nonetheless I care more about you and

your family than my feeble brain can

Express and I'm sorry that I've let you

down you haven't it has been an honor to

serve you sir no shut up I don't accept

it bloody Helen you annoy the [ __ ] out

of me sometimes I don't go and bloody

sack you I think you need someone

younger sir I need you I'm not having

you abandoning me not now and I'm not

letting up on Teddy sha either I've

known you since you were born but I

don't understand you anymore I try I

try sir sorry Her Majesty's on her way

and I can't seem to stop her Richard I'm

busy I can live you can stay and

you Richard he put a man in hospital he

could have killed him your brother I had

to do what was right no will you listen

to me you can't hit someone and then

drive off and think you can get away

with the consequences your brother your

brother I

know and you send him to prison on a on

a

principle this

family we only have all this because

they let us you'd risk all of us some

badly thought

out you

child he'll be be

okay

uh he'll be okay you must excuse me

Ian your

[Music]

majesty look I'll uh I'll try and sort

that stuff out with Teddy Shaw can you I

need can you get that girl of his in um

Miranda Hill get her in I'll sort it out

through her thank you

sir okay he's in the corner you're just

here on a flash visit that's the

official line so say hello to a couple

of the others first

okay going to be

[Music]

fine your majesty M Miranda Hill

Mrs Hill your

majesty I tried to ring only to tell me

to stop beating up your boss I bet well

it is my

job look well done you've proved

your well you've proved a lot we've

dropped three share points in the

opinion poll

so but this is

ridiculous you can't try and bring down

a government just because your

girlfriend's dumped you the ego on hook

it's not all about you you

know really I wanted to do something

good I saw a woman with no voice and I

wanted to help and now you're planning

to exploit some disabled children yeah

and you know what next week I'll be

exploiting 300 nurses and then some

Factory workers and then the teachers

and I think they'll all be pretty

grateful and then what h i mean what

happens if you actually succeed in

bringing down the Prime Minister what do

you think you will have achieved I don't

know I'm just starting I'd have proved

proved what that at least

what now come on I want to hear the

master plan I'd have shown I don't know

all I ever think about is you and all I

ever fight about

is and I can't stop you know not with

not without a fight not ever I love

you do you do you understand that I love

you

and how long do you think it can

last before we both get crushed by

this I don't really

care it won't work yeah you

[Music]

can't we're

[Music]

stupid

this is totally wrong and

stupid I like

[Music]

you

[Music]

so this little nurse she says well you

are brave Mr

dods I say

Brave I say what it be scared of when

you've been dropped from 10,000 ft into

enemy territory and the Jerry Gunners

are trying to put a bullet in your

bollocks well love that is brown trous a

time it was me what that it was me I was

um the one driving the car that hit you

and um I I I I came here tonight to tell

you how sorry I am for what I did uh

obviously but mostly um uh

mostly for not stopping it's

unforgivable and

um if you want to take this

forward I mean you know

uh whatever you want to

[Music]

do I wouldn't blame you you probably

gave it to you didn't

he sorry for your

21st the number plate g21

0487 yeah yeah yeah it came to me when

they said you were coming

by I remember reading about it in the

newspapers last

year we all make mistakes yes

sir I'm I wake up at night because of it

I'm so sorry you drove off and left me

lying there didn't

you that is a terrible thing to do yes

sir well at least you're man enough to

admit it I'm glad you're not in the

bloody

Army you in charge of a tank gold help

us

all C old so fell for

it

[Music]

all right ladies calm

down

[Music]

your

majesty I need to talk to

you Ma'am

I'll leave immediately

no I miss my

husband

I will never let you be

alone

never where the hell is my bloody drink

stop moaning you miserable old

bag I'll get it

immediately

well well done

everyone especially

me

joke right I'm off maybe uh try to find

some mates Tom

Jessa you what Tom Jess house sir

Friends of the king never heard of him

well Vis I think I know my brother's

mates

yes

sir when do you finish next week sir

right we'll miss you thank you

sir that's about as close as they get to

apologizing isn't

it yeah well chosen by God and all that

you believe

that I have to admit I miss all this

though I still can't believe you'd have

gone to the jail for him a lot of us

would you'll be like that one day

yeah take care I take care of them

too

[Music]

[Laughter]

shut the door oh finally going to go l

tell me you'll be gentle with me you and

Miranda not getting on well forget about

it how often does she come to the Palace

Tom and Jess Tom and Jessica Howard

right friends of his majesties who don't

appear on any itinerary database invite

list even Prince George hasn't heard of

them you know it was so bloody loaded

when you said it a nice little in joke

for the two of you why are you snooping

around this piss off you around a hill

playing this whole we know something you

don't line what you think I wouldn't

want to know or you think I'm just too

stupid to work it out and what is it

you've worked out Miranda Hill is the

mystery woman Tom and Jessica Howard

that's the names they use when they're

off screwing that's why we have no

records of them Miranda Hill is the

King's lover the PM's bloody

communications director oh he's dabbling

in politics he's screwing her and he's

screwing us great well

done now forget you know what do you

want Downing Street and the palace

coming after you well doesn't Ian know

of course not you want to be the one

that betrayed the king confidence it's

betraying us isn't he it's a one-way

Street Abigail calm down no you're in on

the

joke it's not

a

joke George Georgie Georgie I've been

sweating like a pig hello mate thank God

eh hey well it's done hey you did good

yeah come on let's crack open some

tinnies get mull celebrate what' you say

eh I'm a bit

knackered

right uh okay come on George let's get

you fixed

up Hey sir I have the boxes for

you great no you know what I can't be

asked tonight give them to me tomorrow

yes sir bad day I've had better I'm

sorry I would have thought Mrs Hill's

visit would have cheered you

up is there anything else

sir well then I'll be heading home good

night your

[Music]

[Music]

majesty I nearly pooed in my pants when

I realized he'd gone to see her

mommy and I would never fall out not

even over something as important as this

you haven't read it have you we Have No

Secrets yeah but the diary

it's it's the most boring piece of Dil

ever it's all three glasses of gin

initials instead of names weird spelling

and a load of rasing tips there isn't an

ounce of Gossip in

it

important it ain't

you haven't even opened the cover have

you my darling

fire I wouldn't dream of such a

thing

I did ring and try and warn you but you

didn't pick

up Sir um can I get you something uh

coffee or um vka actually I don't think

I've got any tonic but

um what is it you think you

know nothing sir it's none of my

business oh so why are you digging

because I'm a nosy cow and I don't know

any better it's why I'm a good

APS you got a beer

yeah

all the glasses are filthy I could wash

you one after

just you live alone yeah it's nice it's

a dive but um I'm hardly ever here so

you got a

boyfriend oh I should mind my own

business no

I no one serious you keep it to yourself

the rules are different for

me she laughs at you she mocks you when

you're not around I know she tells me

the joke's on you she works for the PM

she's

married why because it's not allowed and

we do it anyway and and it's

fun you won't tell

anyone no

sir no

okay

thanks

you're right it's a [ __ ]

tip [ __ ] sir get in the car

[Music]

there