Original subtitles

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C

thank you

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good good morning your

majesty get a gun shoot that Bloody pipe

with you right away sir

your juice Mrs

Hill thank you

Neil major Tim Stone's body was blown

back home today Stone a GP by profession

had been called into active Service as a

member of the territorial Army he died

your mobile phones for today sir pay as

you go the blue one is for Mrs Hill

you're a star

I'll be ready to leave in 15 Neil early

start this morning my boss is having a

meeting at the palace indeed ma' don't

you love your weekly meeting with the

pmy I think this woman wrote to

me yeah about defense Cuts God when you

actually see it they coffing the

kids what it's not your problem Rich who

says your subject say it's not your

problem it's my bosses problem oh she

asked for my help and

and and I don't

know exactly you don't

know so don't tax that tiny little

inbred brain of yours just be a good

King and lie

back and forget about politics

it's not too late sir we can still go

back just drive Ray

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so we go next door yeah and uh Rob's

still out of it yeah still on the floor

that guy's insane except we can't tell

why he looks so odd and then we get it

Jimmy P shaved his bloody eyebrows off

no way both of them I mean he looks like

something out of Star Trek and then this

is the classic yeah turns out it's his

passing out parade Saturday and he's got

to have eyebrow wigs

made I serious eyebrow witchs your

majesty oh rich I wish you'd been there

you would have pissed yourself I swear

it's awesome I have your

poster thanks abig girl look I've got to

do this I'm gone uh what do you got

today uh pissed lunch with sexy Birds

Furious visit to silveron and then back

to London for clubbing til three do you

ever do any work I'm a Playboy Prince

that is work you oh you know the usual

waving and smiling waving and smiling

lases

yeah the only people who know who the

woman is are his valet and his poo

neither are going to betray that

confidence to us no you're right of

course Abigail might pick up on stuff

but I mean why would you tell me she's

not stupid no she's great isn't she m'am

she's great I've seen you two laughing

and joking you make a wonderful

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couple M are you suggesting

it do you want me to get up again into

bed did I say that I didn't say that you

do find her attractive though major

Brooks well yes yes personally I detest

inter staff relationship there's always

a danger one might say something to a

lover one shouldn't but I suppose

sometimes sometimes one just can't help

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oneself this way Mrs Hill the Widow of

an officer and he died in

I've written your letter of condolence

to Mrs Stone you asked for sir uh yeah

just stick it on

there and the PM is on his way up yeah

great can't wait me and Teddy cracking

jokes all morning hilarious I imagine

him to be a very funny man yeah beneath

the ice cold facade he's a comedy genius

go on bugger off spering right Officer

aren't you going to do anything sir

what's there to do just it'll all blow

over Ray I promise you just trust me on

this

one my leaving do sir I'm afraid I

wouldn't be happy going ahead with it

under the circumstances what I'm sorry

sir oh come on JY you're the palace

press secretary you must have some idea

who she is Miranda if you knew how much

he puts it about you'd know why I'm not

interested it'll be on the next one

tomorrow all right no it's just I kind

of got the sense that this one was a bit

more serious well I'm sure she thinks

she is they all

do you're going to love this there was

this one

bird your majesty the prime minister

prime minister your majesty do come on

through have a

seat all right all right

ra stop going

on Peter um I mean

superintendent have you got five

please of course sir

uh so uh the point of these meetings

obviously is for me to

uh well I'm meant to listen advise and

counsel well I find them invaluable well

I received a letter from the Widow of a

of an officer major Tim Stone who died

in active service and

basically well he died well he died in

agony because he given the last of his

morphine to another

officer it took him 10 hours to die with

no pain relief anyway I was just

wondering in my role advice and counsel

and uh all that I wondered if we could

just have a quick chat about the defense

Cuts yes well that's pretty

complicated let me try and

explain the

time of course after the baroness was

the dot girl whose dad set up um oh

what's it anyway she was at least 20

stone and I heard him tell George that

apparently she was like a bouncy

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castle I think I might have killed

someone I mean I absolutely wasn't

pissed or anything and I don't know

maybe I I I I took the bend um a bit too

quickly and as I straightened

up well there was something by the side

of the road and um

well I hit it I mean not full on or

anything I I I just um uh clipped it a

bit

but I I I definitely hit something

something the thing is Pete it was D

dark it was raining it it was really

difficult to see hang on hang on what

did you find sir when you got out and

looked what did you find um you see um

Ry was convinced that it was a deer I

mean I wanted to to get out I I I I I

wanted to get out and look but but Ray

said that there was really no need but

now

okay sir I'm going to see what I can

find out see if I can confirm what you

may or may not have hit last night until

I do you will talk to no one about this

not your sisters not Queen Charlotte and

most certainly not the king is that

clear

sir it's

Crystal

good so one can't really call them

defense Cuts because the ramc have

actually benefited by an increased

funding of of of over 3% as a direct

result of our reallocations right but as

I say it's all in the white paper report

and uh I know it's only a th000 Pages or

so but you do still get a sense of the

detail of what we're trying to do so

read that and then uh next week maybe we

could have a proper

discussion yeah I'm sure the detail is

very important of course

it's just a man died Teddy a good man

because he gave another man the last of

his medical supplies and I suppose

that's the human cost isn't

it indeed

sir so you looking forward to the raw

variety show next

Thursday well he's got balls I'll give

him that but I think he got the message

did he have anything interesting to say

is okay

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next Dear Mrs Stone I'm very sorry

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ently oh God

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[Applause]

so I've heard his story now I want to

hear

yours OD

very

dig ma'am

I'll be honest with you Boss I had my

eyes closed I wasn't asleep so I heard

it but I didn't see

it he pulled up I looked at him asked

him what it was it was as white as a

sheet was babbling not making much

sense so I went to open the door and he

just lost it started screaming at me to

stay put and for a second I'll admit it

I did

hesitate then he just suddenly put his

foot down I was shouting at him to stop

but he wouldn't pee he just wouldn't I

short of grabbing the wheel and then we

were 5 miles down the road then

10 then he asked me to drive I'll need

your exact

route you told anyone about this no one

keep it that way

coming

sir Neil I want this hand delivered

please so me and Vinnie are on the

lookout for anything we can find oh you

m that is gross it's genius so what have

you got so far some of Isabelle's

hair a plaster with George's blood on it

and some used cotton buds of Alon

and do you seriously think people will

offer you money for them people are

weird in the Middle Ages people used to

think a touch of the mono's hand cook

your scru you yeah that would be because

they were very very stupid well you

think we're only smarter now we still

have our little Gods I don't but there

are plenty that do they still stand out

there waiting to shake Little Dicky hand

Touch the Hem of His Garment I want a

bit of the magic to rub off so to have

their own little bit of them or five of

them reic Goldust

babes you're vile the pair of

you you seen your Ro here yeah I got

Queen Charlotte tomorrow

yeah Simon don't get tricky if you guys

don't want to do it then we'll do it on

our own elen has done the service of

remembrance for The Last 5 Years yeah

that was then this is now seriously if

the king talks to the BL soprano then

Elena has to do the jury Colonel oh but

he has such bad breath and spits and he

talks fine then okay okay fine fine

fine God I love a dominant woman I have

never been so insulted in all my life so

does he by all accounts the king she was

on top so I heard our mystery woman so

craps some you love it

all right

Ray hell love happy just a few more days

to go and then you're free Man Lies

every day gol whenever you want you

lucky beggar yes aren't I see you bye

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Ruby

all done in there what do you look

like how is Mr dos are your relatives um

DC I Pete Bayfield is he going to be

okay I don't know maybe has he said

anything he mentioned something about U

number

plate

officer Amanda dobs his

granddaughter just wondered if you'd

made any progress um no nothing as yet

broken pelvis three fractured ribs

wouldn't treat a dog like that would you

no

no it's it's pretty despicable can I get

your number someone to talk to Mom's

going spare uh just ring the main switch

board they'll put you through we need

information I'm

sorry Newton green police station

please no just put me straight through

I've got

it I

see the Mon's

twail right hang

on Richard's

toenail Isabelle's hair Ellen's ear wax

charge's blood four down one to go

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How likely is it that Mr dobs will be

able to identify the car it's a

distinctive plate the one the king

bought him for his 21st g21 0487 oh

great what else um the granddaughter

Amanda dobs she overheard me tell the

nurse my name well she must have Googled

me or something because she rang the

palace switchboard no no no wanted to

know what the king's people was doing

asking questions about her

grandfather

right Peter stick with the victim

anything changes the local police

situation develops let me know

ASAP I'm assuming that Ray is still on S

side absolutely we need to come up with

something to explain your presence at

the hospital something innocuous to put

her off the

scent Abby um yeah fine but can I just

be sure we're all clear here this is a

hit and run a man could die and

well we're happy to cover that up

consider the alterate we don't have a

choice so sure just completely takes the

piss out of it P an ass patronizing

condescending he's a politician that's

part of the job description maybe or

maybe he suspects the King has a point

the king what happened to tricky Dicky

enough about Dicky I've just come from

crisis meeting about

George oh another great chapter for our

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book King Richard a tax

PM well I had no idea Mary Stone had

friends at the paper as far as I was

concerned it was a private communication

may I ask why you decided to change the

letter of condolence I just uh I thought

she deserved more than the bog standard

response no offense Abigail you see you

have insulted the Prime Minister oh

that's your opinion that's the front

page

it's excuse me one

second hi hey just a quick heads up I'd

back off this merry Stone business if I

were you oh great thanks for the advice

yeah Teddy's pretty mad about it and I

don't need to tell you this is not not

territory you should be in do you think

I have a point then so what you're the

king out of Interest though look I've

got to go I've got a meeting with the

Prime Minister the man I work for I'll

call you later

Miranda sorry sorry carry on sir I'm

sure it wasn't your intention to insult

the PM but the way they've spun it

you're attacking his defense cuts and

suggesting that he's not taking the

problems they're causing seriously well

I've stated facts Mary Stone has lost

her husband her kids have lost her

father now she needed my support and

I've given it I understand that and

that's very admirable please don't

patronize me but what we're going to do

now is to call the PM and explain how

this was just a oneoff and reassure him

that we have no intention of interfering

interfering in

politics ever again sir

no shall I tell you what we're going to

do now we're going to invite her in

invite who in Mary Stone get her over fa

teue sir that will be seen as extremely

provocative I'm off for a

swim I'm sensing that the more we tell

him not to

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well it's still standing then welcome

back your

majesty how was sandre lovely thank

you tell me Cinda how are they all still

talking to one another just about

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ma'am hello Jeremy good break in noruk

please pleased to be back

then God I need a stiff one or at the

very least a drink that drive has done

me

in cases

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am I being a total idiot here this whole

business be honest an idiot a liability

a pain in the back side uh not that

honest if I were you I think I might be

behaving in exactly the same

way

thanks Mrs Stone how nice to meet you

nice to meet you thanks for coming do go

on

through I hope you didn't have too long

a journey uh please do sit down I really

was so

T I can't thank you for w his majesty

expressed his condolences he is very

kind he is a great listener that's not

so bad he also is very concerned about

the level of government funding oh no he

believes our troops should be treated

with the same level of loyalty and

respect Minister we demand from them

protect our nation and fight peace and

stability we're delighted his majesty is

taking an interest in these matters but

there's now a danger that he's abusing

his Constitutional Powers I can assure

you his mag and if that happens if

things start to get out of shape

then well then it all ends up very

messy he really does need to keep quiet

now

Ian for the sake of the nation for the

sake of the nation I

see all right bottom linean can you shut

him

up Mrs Hill his majesty the king does

not shut

up

okay well I won't be quiet I won't shut

up so I'm not going to just roll over in

fact she's invited me to her husband's

old Barracks next month and I'm

seriously thinking of going that's a

really bad idea sir oh is it they would

see that as you deliberately picking a

fight sir well fine let them what are

they going to do do we really want to go

down that route sir open confrontation I

have a chance to change Stu here please

let me finish to genuinely make a

difference instead of just waving and

smiling waving and

smiling we could all change

stuff well obviously knows he can't do

this so what the hell has got into

him

Neil this Mary still business why is he

doing it why is he taking it so far

what's winding him up you don't want to

know I need to know for his sake he

could get himself into a lot of

trouble I do this once then we quits

deal

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the girlfriend what he still saying her

yeah what she's encouraging him to do

this no the opposite I

think I'm lost the

girlfriend it's Miranda

Hill no yeah Miranda Hill Miranda Hill

Miranda Hill oh Jesus

what the bloody hell did you tell me

that

for that's mommy's you are it's her

favorite use

another nice area sh great B War nice B

nice area good bowling

M getting a bit Rusty there mate like

works all over the place practice when

was the last time I played Ry

21st no was it when else it's over a

year ago yep hey remember what's the

name of that girl at Rod's oo Gerty yeah

flirty Girty yeah she snug like a

g just sort of clamped her mouth on and

stayed there in one of your ppos after a

move yeah it took three of them in the

end how is all already you there the

other night yeah he's good yeah we

should meet up

what nothing what I just I don't know

why you even bother saying it saying

what that we should meet up I mean you

always say it and it never happen so you

know just don't even bother saying it

well things are busy manate yeah I know

I

know sorry

I'm I'm

Aur heavy day yeah tell me about

it yeah fair

enough listen I'm going to

crash all

right but uh that was a laugh we should

do it again sometime we

will night night

George

George are you okay are we you know

okay never better

bro never

better

night

yeah even on informal visits Miss dos

our personal protection officers will

still do a security sweep for obvious

reasons we don't publicize the fact but

also because it would spoil the surprise

for the patients um but listen thank you

so much for your call and if the visit

does go ahead maybe you and your

grandfather would like to meet the king

joking well well it's not confirmed yet

and as I say if it does go ahead you'll

be the first person I

call okay bye

now

hi hi thank

you m tough day you don't want to know

oh come on Spill the Beans maybe I can

help yeah really

so listen have you heard about George

George no what's up apparently him and

Ray have had some kind of Ruck major

Tantrums all around first he's leaving

do his on and then it's off

and It's On

Again Ray's been a real dick by all

accounts which is a shame because he's

asked me to be one of his references and

um Simon Ry is a saint trust me what put

up with

George you know just just

once just once it would be nice to think

you were here because you enjoyed my

company what I'll see you

around Abby come on Abby what are you

talking about

Abby raise the wrong party raise that

way

in so I was in there way too long and

Jeremy was looking over it me but then I

realized I already had it

what the Queen's

lips

Vinnie you are a genius yeah I know

I'm watching you

Cinder naughty

boy I wouldn't trust you as far as I

could throw you oh please the only thing

she's ever thrown is a hissy

[Laughter]

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fit did you say something

H NADA

Jeremy n

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evening Jens oh stop it it's only me oh

God I love this one this is the this is

the sequel isn't it classic um Ray could

I borrow you for 10

seconds thank you

Ray I wanted to say goodbye really oh

man it's nothing fancy thank you so much

well open it go

on to Ray a true friend with love Ellena

very important to me that you realize

how much we appreciate the years of

service you've given us I do Mom good

and because I keep my ear to the the

ground I hear

things I would hate for there to be any

unfinished business for you here

Ray so what I'm saying is is that I am

here if you need me to just to talk to

you

really where is Mr Hill tonight another

conference this time it's

Brussels so apparently you asked Ian if

you could make me shut up yeah

technically that was Teddy's line I just

said it so you listen to him

then well he pays my salary yeah me

you're just sleeping with Grow Up This

Is Me growing up this is me caring about

the Army about about

people

look we all care Rich

okay we all care

yeah so I suppose the shag's out of the

question well I think we can safely say

that George is screwed up George so now

we're patient we wait until the king is

most vulnerable and only then do you

tell him about the accident he'll be

needing my support well you encourage

him to do the only sensible thing he can

cover this up for the sake of the

monarchy I love this it's like one of

your military

operations and when he's done done that

when he's got his hands dirty when we've

got them both that's when we leak how

naughty those Brothers have been who

knows with a fair wind and a bit of

luck Jey wats it trouble in Parliament

today for King Richard following the

publication of a set of photographs

taken whilst at Sandhurst Terry cheel MP

for suham West suggests that King

Richard showed a great contempt for the

military with his disrespectful

Behavior well that was taken a year

before I joined sanur yes sir you are

aware that this will have come from

Downing Street sir well this came from

his office yes

sir from his press office yeah

Miranda or one of our team they would

have soured the photo leaked it smart

move given the position they found

themselves in the MP that thing he said

about me not caring about the Army they'

have briefed him to say

that this would die very quickly if I

call Downing Street and let no no we

won't be making any more

statements yeah do whatever you

can yes

sir from

Buckingham it's time

hi it's Miranda sorry I can't take your

call please leave a message nice work

really we all care Rich we all care yeah

right you sleep well tonight

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Miranda hey

if it's any consolation I think people

know the Press are bastards they won't

believe a word of

it really yeah they know you're doing

your

best

thanks Rich yeah I'm aware you need more

hassle right now like you need a hole in

the head but there's something you

should know

about

George hi Hey listen Abby I just wanted

to say um what well that I'm sorry about

yesterday oh don't worry about it you

were just doing your job weedling

conniving cajoling it's just business

hang on hang on hang on no it's more

than that AB be

I like you do you yes I

do I mean I

really

really like

you what the hell do you think you're

doing no I said what do you think you

are

doing up nothing I'm sorry if I got it

wrong yeah you did get it wrong mate

very how how dare you assault me ass

assault you I me I I I

I there see how do you like make

it a lot a lot and I would so be

interested in a swap I've got a huge

collection of Madonna memorabilia

boring I love your Royal collection

fancy swapping them for signed piics of

Rudolf Norv and Margaret Fontaine who um

Sinatra no England World Cup team no

hi freaks how about sopping with me I've

got a large collection of Manic Street

Preacher memorabilia and I could do you

two cigarette buts authenticated as

having been taken from the car of Richie

Edwards what the Richie Edwards from the

car of Richie Edwards that was left at

the Seven Bridge car park prior to his

suicide his actual butts the actual ones

that were actually in his mouth and all

they want are some old toe

clippings oh my

God what a bunch of Lo

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what the hell have you done

Miranda I know you know

jonty Neil rang me so what did you want

can you get me into to see him no and

you're taking a real risk by coming here

unannounced my advice go home I need to

speak to him well I don't imagine he's

too Keen to speak to you I was just

doing my job right oh come on jonty

Miranda what is this to you I mean Jesus

I'm not sure that Messi does

it go home to your husband do yourself a

favor and forget about the

king I mean we had a beer for Christ's

sakes we had a beer and I actually asked

you if everything was okay oh yeah Rich

no never better me never better and you

told Pete Bayfield you can tell Pete

Bayfield and not me how in the hell does

that work bloody hell Rich what are you

more pissed off about what I did or that

I didn't tell

you what you did of course for which I'm

truly

sorry what I did was stupid

and crap and I

panicked yeah and I don't know what to

do about it and

yes I should have told you but I just

felt I don't

know I just felt I couldn't why couldn't

you what do you mean you couldn't you're

my brother and you're the king things

have changed Rich you're like it or not

they've changed well they haven't

changed that much haven't they so who

decides what happens

now who decides what happens to me

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that's why I didn't tell

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you cuz I didn't want to put you in that

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position I don't see why it's such a big

deal well it was an accident George

hasn't killed anyone not yet what you

would never do anything to hurt him

would you so George can stop worrying

Rich will protect you w you

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