Original subtitles

# Dressed to the nines With hair to match

# Shiny jewels, casino cash

# Tapping feet Wanna take the lead

# A trip back in time is all I need

# Oh! Sing it out loud Gonna get back, honey

# Sing it out loud Get away with me

# Sing it our loud On a trip back, honey

# Sing it out loud and let yourself... #

(MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY, BIRD FLIES AWAY)

Oh!

Arthur?

Yeah. Mum, it's...

(BOTH LAUGH)

What happened? Explosion in the craft aisle at Spotlight?

And why are you stealing a teenage boy's clothing?

Hey, this is my new Bondi fit. Bondi?

Yeah, I was in Bondi, remember?

I went on a date last night with a girl called Jayde.

Jayde with a Y.

Anyways, I'm sorry I didn't text about staying the night.

My battery died. Oh, so did mine.

Very disappointing.

Jayde took me clothes shopping.

I could feel everyone's eyes just on me.

Maybe they wanted to tell you to do your buttons up.

No, I'm telling you, Mum, your boy got glowed up.

I feel like I'm hitting my new Bondi era,

like, breezy, laid-back, even more tanned.

It's like magic, man. It's not magic, Arthur.

It's just a new hat.

Also, when they get that new Bondi light rail happening

I won't have to catch three buses and a train to get there.

I'm very happy for you, Arthur.

And if you do get back on the bus to go see Julie...

Jayde. ..that'll be fine with us.

Thanks, Mum.

Wait, "Us"? Mmm.

Oh, no. Green fingernails, loud top, excessive bling.

Oh, Heather's coming to stay.

Yes, she called this morning. I'm so excited, Arthur.

It's just been so quiet around here since she moved out from next door.

Yeah, Mum, quiet is good.

Please tell me you don't have anything crazy planned.

Define "crazy". I'm happy for you, Mum. Honestly.

But when you and Heather get together, you create crazy,

and crazy dries up my drip.

So, nothing crazy. Promise?

OK, I promise.

After Chong kicked me out, I just kept driving north to Nimbin

for the Mardi Gras festival.

And that's where I met Rodney. Oh, Rodney?

Hmm, my holistic healer, fire-twirler,

and 37-year-old lover. 37!

Go, Heather!

I had to ditch him in Brunswick heads

when I caught him going through my purse.

But I tell you what,

that man knew his way around an inflatable mattress.

(LAUGHS)

Oh, things have been really exciting around here too.

The council have changed the colours of the bins.

How have you really been, Maggie?

Oh, honestly, there's no fire in my belly.

Apart from the occasional bout of irritable bowel syndrome.

That is because society has beat it out of you, Maggie.

Women like us, we're not meant to be heard.

They want to mute us.

Well, I'll tell you what, we will not be muted.

Maggie?

Maggie, what's wrong?

The figs, they want to chop them down.

See! They even want to mute our trees.

But why?

It looks like they're making way for some sort of new development.

Over my dead body.

What are you suggesting we do, Maggie?

Something crazy.

What are you doing here? Huge storm coming, Arthur.

Last time this happened, hailstones the size of grapefruit

smashed every skylight in the eastern suburbs.

People were paying anything for some tarps like these.

So I'm just picking up some spending money.

Such a generous soul, Robbie.

What are you supposed to be, the rejected member of OutKast?

You are looking at Bondi Arthur.

(LAUGHS)

Oh, yeah, laugh all you want, Robbie.

You know who wasn't laughing? Who?

Jayde with a Y who I spent the night with in Bondi.

You did not. Show me. Hmm.

Hmm. Does she need a visa or something?

No, that's the crazy thing, Robbie, she apparently likes me for me.

Not possible. I know.

I mean, my whole life,

I've just been limiting myself to dating in the western suburbs.

But Jayde with a Y has shown me that, well...

I think I'm Bondi hot. Careful.

I've lost friends to Bondi.

You step into that bubble and you won't see Mum again.

Not once they build that light rail.

Then my two worlds shall be connected

and I will become the self-actualised version of my enlightened self.

Jayde with a Y will tag you like livestock.

(PHONE RINGS) And you will never leave her herd.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

my stockman Jayde is calling, from Bondi.

Mmm.

(CLEARS THROAT) Oh, wassup?

Hey. Last night was so play

I had to do so much breathwork this morning.

Oh, yeah, I mean, me too.

Oh, and, uh, you left your old clothes here.

Yeah. I, uh, I totally didn't do that on purpose.

Oh, yeah. I totally don't believe you.

Well, I guess I'll have to come back out there and grab them.

I guess you will.

Uh, well, it's, uh...12:00 now so I'll be out there about 3:00.

Oh...

OK. Uh, yeah, I guess that gives me time for sound healing.

Does it really take that long to get here?

Not once they build that new light rail.

Then I'll be out there in a cool 20. "A cool 20"?

Where do you come up with this stuff?

You're such a dork. I love it. Alright, laters.

Byeee.

My dream is to one day live cringe-free

despite hearing that entire conversation.

Yeah, you're just jealous that I'm getting a life upgrade in Bondi

with a straight-up ten.

And I'm happy for you.

Just remember the Bondi life is no part-time hobby.

It's a full-time commitment.

Oh, you can thank me for that light rail, by the way.

I helped Councillor Sharma win a bunch of holdout council votes

with some free Botox sessions.

Oh, yeah. And why'd you do that, Robbie, goodness of your heart?

Well, maybe Sharma promised me

a new clinic space with the new development.

Speaking of which, one of my spies has seen some old women

chaining themselves to a fig tree out in the park.

Ha! Glad that ain't my problem.

Wait, have you seen Mum and Heather?

(CAR HORN TOOTS) (MAGGIE AND HEATHER CHEER AND LAUGH)

Give trees a chance. Fig leaves matter.

Oh! Whoo! Cheers.

Cheers.

Oh, remember when we occupied the nursing college admin building?

They gave up trying to drag you out of there.

I'd do anything to stop the man hauling me away -

hit the deck, go floppy...

I sprayed perfume in their faces and they cried like babies.

"Oh! My eyes."

You know what I miss most about those days?

BOTH: The skin.

Oh! Oh, the skin.

Young people just don't appreciate young skin when they've got it.

Oh, you know, I don't recognise mine sometimes.

I catch a reflection in the teaspoon

and get such a fright, I gasp in horror.

Mum!

Mum! Oh, here we go.

I thought we agreed you wouldn't do anything crazy.

That was before I decided to do something crazy.

Robbie. Artie. BOTH: Hello, Heather.

Mum, what are you doing?

I'm sitting down for what I believe in.

I'm supposed to be on my way to Bondi right now.

Don't be silly, Arthur.

It'll be years before they build that light rail.

And they'll have to go through us first.

Tone it down a notch, Heather. Yeah?

You're the reason why this is happening in the first place.

Yes, I am. Mum, I can't leave you out here.

There's a massive storm forecast for tonight.

Do you wanna get struck by lightning?

Oh, do we want to be struck by lightning?

I'll try anything once. Mum, please.

It's really important for me

you unchain yourself from this tree.

Not happening.

If you want to be part of this picket,

why don't you go and get us some ice, Arthur?

You don't want us getting dehydrated, do you?

No.

No, I certainly don't.

ROBBIE: I don't understand.

Why are we getting supplies for Mum and Heather's protest?

It's all part of my plan, Robbie.

Now, get a move on. Oh, I need some of this ice.

It feels like I'm in the devil's Bikram studio.

How are you not dead in this heat?

Because I'm too busy focusing, Robbie.

I've gotta get to my date in Bondi before sundown

otherwise the spell's gonna be broken,

and I'm gonna turn back into a little Westie toad.

If Sharma finds out my mother's making waves for the development,

I can kiss that new clinic goodbye.

And you know who'll get this space?

Vape shop? TAB?

Pawnbrokers! Vibe Injectables.

I knew it was something good for the community.

(PHONE RINGS) They're killing us

in the tear trough fillers,

and if they beat us to this location too, we're dead in the water.

Are you even listening?

No, because those are Westie problems.

Meanwhile, my new life is calling from Bondi.

Oh, hey, wassup?

OK, so I just booked us a booth at Gelders Nobo.

So, it's a sunset degus with matching for 1100.

Wait, 11am? (LAUGHS) No, silly. Dollars.

Score, right? Bargain.

So, um, how far off are you?

Slight delay on that. Um, I haven't left yet.

Oh, um, sorry, I think I may have misread things.

Like, if you want a raincheck, that's...

No, no, no, no, I don't want a raincheck.

I want the rain, I love rain.

I want the Bobo Gelders disgusting sunset booth.

I wanna see you.

I've just been held up by a little protest, that's all.

I'm sorry, you're protesting?

Well, actually... Such a green flag!

What, what are you protesting?

Oh, um...

the council,

they want to get rid of some of the trees in Riley Park.

Stop! Oh my, god, stop!

Could you get any hotter?

Yeah, well...

I know it sounds corny, but I like to speak up for the voiceless.

And as we all know, trees can't speak.

Arthur, honestly, political activism is fire.

Like, no one here in the east has anything worth protesting about.

Wow. Must be nice. Hold on to that, Jayde.

Because out here in the west, we don't have a choice.

It's powerful stuff. I'll show you one day.

Today. Huh?

I want to see it today, so dinner can wait.

If it is important to you, it's important to me.

So I'm coming out there.

No! No, no, no.

Uh, you can't come out to the west. It's too dangerous.

There's a drill rapper on every corner.

God, you probably have so much trauma

that we can just dig through.

That's what I really like about you. You're...you're real.

Yeah, real..ly looking forward to seeing the sunset with you in Bondi,

which is why I'm gonna protest extra, extra hard right now

and get this wrapped up ASAP.

See you in Bondi. Bye.

(LAUGHS)

You're doomed, brother. Doomed.

We gotta get them off that tree.

I'm just glad you've stopped telling us what to do, Arthur.

Oh, Mum, I know how your neuropathy's been lately.

I want you to be comfortable. Now, refills?

Mm.

Now, as I was saying, this kind of peace camp is nothing new to us.

Tell them about '72, Maggie. Oh, yes.

We put a pig in the lecture theatre to protest bombings.

Or did we take a bomb into the lecture theatre

to protest about pigs?

Wow, courageous. Now, um, drink up.

And, uh, how about some tunes?

Yeah. Let's listen to some tunes, shall we?

(SOUNDS OF RUNNING WATER)

Arthur, what's going on?

He's trying to make us urinate. Stop drinking, Heather.

The man has just declared war on our 70-year-old bladders.

You monster! Stay strong, Heather.

(INCREASES VOLUME)

I'm just getting a little bit of that salt off the rim.

Don't do it, Heather.

Oh. Who am I kidding?

Unchain me, Maggie. I'm going back to the house.

Too easy. Don't worry.

If we tag team, as long as one of us stays on the tree,

the spirit of '72 lives on.

Solidarity, sister. Solidarity.

Come on. Come quickly, Robbie!

We're about to flood the low-lying region.

Right this way, Heather.

Hello? You OK in there?

The handle didn't come off, did it?

It did, actually. It does that sometimes.

I'll have to get some tools to sort it out.

Hang in there.

They've just put out

a severe thunderstorm warning for tonight, Mum.

Can I please just take you home? How are you even doing this?

There's no way you don't need to wee right now.

Oh, Arthur!

A woman my age with my ailments never dares leave the house

without a continence pad the size of a phone book.

Just give up. It's obvious Heather is not coming back.

It is time to go.

Oh, well, I suppose the spirit of '72 had to die somewhere.

Stop her! Quick, Maggie!

No, no, no.

Not the first time I've had to climb out of a bathroom window.

Won't be the last either. I can't take this.

Not in this heat.

Not with Vibe Injectables breathing down my neck.

You are coming off of this tree.

That woman is sweating harder than a hippie at a roadside drug test.

Wait a second. Where's my Bondi Arthur hat?

Oh, I put it behind my back.

These chairs don't offer much in the way of lumbar support.

No, Mum, I need that hat. No, no, no, no, Arthur.

Don't come near this tree.

Not unless you've doused yourself in DEET like we have.

Otherwise, you'll have a tragic case of tree lice.

If you want to take my lumbar support,

you are going to have to give me a foot rub.

Like the doctor said, remember? Oh, yes.

Always remembers what the doctor says about foot rubs,

never about the safe amount of alcoholic drinks in a day.

If you're handing out rubs, Artie, you know,

my shoulder could do with a bit of work too.

Yeah. Yes. Everyone gets their little rubs.

Arthur?

Hi.

(GROANS)

Oh, well, I just figured that why wait in boring old Bondi

when I can be the change that I want to see out here in the west?

It's a shame that you arrived just as everything was wrapping up.

I mean, things got pretty hairy for a while there,

and that's just Mum's toes.

Oh, well, I think it's so cool

that your Mum has chained herself to a tree.

Like, political activism runs in your family.

Is she just gonna stay out there?

Well, I mean, if there's one thing you need to know about Mum,

it's that she does not know when to give up.

Oh. Can I just say,

this house is adorable, and I'm actually loving it out here.

You know, the sights, the sounds,

even, you know, the smells, good and bad.

And it is literally, fun fact,

five degrees hotter this far from the coast.

(LOUD ROAR)

Oh, my god. The planes are so close here.

How do you even deal with that?

Anti-anxiety meds in the drinking water.

Really? No, that was...that was a joke.

Oh. Yeah, it's...

It's fine. Like, you must be just really tired,

you know, after protesting all day.

Maybe you need to lie down.

Yeah, I mean, it's amazing how quickly

my eyes have adapted to pepper spray.

Maybe we could just do something different tonight.

Like...?

Well, my roommate just left something lying around,

and I thought that we could have some fun with it.

Yeah. I mean, we can literally do whatever you want.

Like, yeah... Bam!

What is that? It's a piercing gun.

Oh.

What for? For your ear.

I want to give you some sparkle.

Oh, my ear, right now?

Oh, I mean, sorry, like, if you don't want to, that's totally...

No, I do want to. No. Yeah, no, I am... (LAUGHS)

I'm so keen. Defs keen. OK, cool.

I mean, like, bling me up.

(LAUGHS) Bling. Where do you come up with this stuff?

I don't know. I don't know. That's OK.

Wait here and I'll get some ice. Yeah.

Arthur, there is a woman with a chainsaw in your backyard.

(CHAINSAW ROARS)

I warned you! I warned both of you!

If you two don't unchain yourself from that tree right now,

I will cut it down myself.

Arthur, do something! Robbie, put the chainsaw down.

I'm gonna give both of you three seconds.

One...

Oh, gosh, you look like your dad when you get sweaty.

Two... Mum, get off the tree now!

Three...

Does anyone have any more tequila?

Alright, it's coming down.

Argh!

Stop, stop, stop, stop.

Babes, just breathe, OK.

Just think about the karma. Jayde, what are you doing?

Like you said, I'm speaking up for the voiceless.

Arthur, tell your new sea-moss-gel-drinking yogi wannabe

to get out of my way.

I've given out too many dermal fillers

to let Mum and Heather stop this development.

We need that new clinic.

And it's so hot.

Is that a cooling towel? Yeah, but it's from Byron.

And it's... Oh!

I bet you've got some, um, mist in that bag of yours too, huh?

I do. It's flown in from Korea.

And you really only just need a demure amount.

Oh.

That's...that's plenty.

Thank you. Thank you. I'm so sorry.

(LAUGHS) I don't know what came over me.

Oh my god, Jayde, are you OK?

That was amazing.

I mean, you said the west was dangerous,

but I really just didn't think it was, you know, this dangerous.

Well, I mean, it's not always like a horror movie around here.

(DRAMATIC MUSICAL STING)

What? Skin!

Look at that skin.

(DISTORTED VOICE) It's gorgeous.

I want to eat it.

Get off! Those are Bondi hands!

And that's my Bondi hat.

Hey.

We saved your tree. Oh.

His tree? He hates this tree. Yeah, that's the truth.

We're the ones protesting. He's been trying to stop us all day.

I don't know what stories he's been telling you,

but you best stop buying them.

Sorry. You want the tree gone? Me?

Um... (CLEARS THROAT) I mean...

Would it, would it help if I said I was doing it for us?

Sorry. Wait a minute, um...

What, what exactly are you protesting?

These trees are blocking the light rail,

the one that's gonna be connecting us to Bondi.

So, just, all of you just in Bondi, just whenever you want?

Yeah.

Oh, my gosh, I'm so silly. I can't believe this.

I, um, I left my hair straightener plugged in at home

so I just better go check.

But, uh, do you want me to come with you?

Oh, no. No, it's all good. Just a kind of one-person job.

See ya. But sunset booths?

The degus.

Oh, my god, babes, book me in for a chakra rebalancing.

That young girl was from Bondi.

Oh, Arthur, you should have been going there to see her,

not getting her to come all the way here.

Mum, I swear to God, you are coming off this tree right now.

Go, floppy, Maggie! Go floppy! Don't you dare go floppy!

Get up, get up! Come on. Mum!

Stop going...

Ah! Hey! Ah!

I'm all itchy! Big mistake, Arthur.

You should have used DEET. No, no, Mum.

My big mistake was daring to dream.

(LAUGHS) OK, Shakespeare.

All I wanted to do was get to Bondi and be a different person.

But no, you had to stand in the way of my development.

I am like this tree, Mum.

And you are chaining yourself to me all the time so I can't leave.

I can never just fly free.

Well, good luck making this tree fly.

It's completely rooted. (LAUGHS)

That's an old one.

OK, you know what? I'm done with both of you.

Good luck in the storm. Yeah, that's it.

Better run.

(BOTH LAUGH)

Come on.

(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)

That was such good fun. The spirit of '72 lives on, Heather.

Yeah.

Mind you, it's a shame about the public housing project.

What? Yeah, well, on the plan,

apparently, they're going to build 100 new public units.

But someone like you could have had one of those flats.

Oh, and you've been here protesting with me anyway.

Yeah. I'd do anything to have a laugh with you, Maggie.

You know that.

Cheers. Cheers, love.

Yeah, a storm-resistant gazebo, please.

Just for the one night.

Two, if they get their hands on more margarita mix.

I thought I might go to the Elvis Presley festival in Parkes.

Mum? Finally came to your senses.

Because we decided to, not because you told us to.

And now we're going to binge British murder shows

and eat prawn crackers.

Mm-hm. And you can't stop us.

But first I'm going to throw up

after drinking 12 margaritas on a 40-degree day.

Well, I'm glad you're home safe, Mum.

I can't get in the bathroom. There's no handle.

Oh, don't worry, Heather.

I've got an alternative. Wait, what?

So, you're finally saying goodbye to Bondi, Arthur.

That, and I couldn't get the tree lice out of the clothes.

Oh. Same with this one.

Sorry, ozone layer.

Heather's gone? Yeah.

But the magic will live on forever.

Oh, sorry your magic didn't. (SIGHS)

Good call with the outfit. It's way better on fire than on you.

Returning these, Mum.

The worst of the storm completely missed the east.

Blue Mountains got torn up, though.

Oh, maybe you'd like to drive out there and help them.

Those hippies don't have money.

Councillor Sharma ever catch wind of Mum's protest?

Turns out he was out of town.

He's back now, though, and he is majorly peeved

about what's going on down there today.

What's going on down there today? You haven't seen?

What do we want? No light rail to Bondi.

Keep Westies out. Keep Westies out.

What do we want? No light rail to Bondi.

(CHANTING CONTINUES) Keep Westies out!

I guess they found something worth protesting about.

Should we warn them about the tree lice?

Let's not do anything crazy.

(CHANTING CONTINUES)

Keep Westies out!

(CHANTING CONTINUES)

Good idea, Mum.

Good idea.

ARTHUR: World's hottest corn chip. No water.

Can I do it? Let's kick the devil's arse.

MAGGIE: I don't want to do this any more than you do, Arthur.

Let's get to those hard-to-reach places.

Mum! Roof's dripping again, Arthur.

Tradies have become the new playboys.

I've been ghosted by every plumber in town.

Listen up, ladies.

Oh, Arthur, it's for you.

I knit in my sleep.

It's true. I've seen it.

Excellent frontline work.

# Everybody wants someone to stay

# Everybody wants someone to stay

# Everybody wants someone to stay.