Original subtitles

[Music]

I'm going straight I am straight as an

eror i PID the price and

time I'm going straight I am along the

straight and narrow and I don't think

straight back to

[Music]

[Applause]

Crime how you do Mr mcon

vure come through would

you real LLY yes well son Raymond had a

few friends around you know sort of

party like oh that's nice well not

really six form Punk Society it was I

thought being as hour I was on Parole it

wasn't the sort of company I should mix

with I'm not one to complain means I can

hand over the Reigns that much earlier

etc etc might pop around to the anchor

for a quick one oh I wouldn't advis that

not tonight son oh why well there's a

load of Scotsman in there tonight

they're down for some Union confab or

something they causing trouble no no no

no no they're uh they're very merried as

a matter of fact the moment but you know

you're Scotsman he can turn ugly in the

twinkling of a spon can't he and it's at

times like that they are seized with an

insatiable desire to Pummel someone's

head I'm Scott fer oh dear

I at least my four bears were oh you had

four did you one more than

Goldilocks

iig Goldilocks she had three bears you

had four Bears

yeah a joke never mind never

mind yes I

see well fetcher tonight marks your

first week here yes sir I'd like to tell

you I'm well pleased and I'd like to

give you this oh that's very nice so

what's it a pay packet oh have you never

seen one before no my money usually goes

straight into your bank or straight out

of it you know what mean what does all

this mean then oh the uh the top figure

is gross and the bottom figure's net

well what's happened in between

then deductions National Insurance P ye

etc etc I see that explains why most of

the grosses slip through the net does it

that's Ware State isn't it now you're on

the right side of the law that's one of

the things you'll have to get used to

yeah among all the others

Yeah question of adjustment pled I know

what you're going through because I had

to adapt myself when I came back from

nasand did I mention that oh yes yes

Malawi as it now is so yes Africa that's

right that's right of course we uh we

lived a very different lifestyle out

there I was a farm manager in Africa

enormous spread as far as the eye could

see we grew tobacco and some coffee and

a local crop called Boke the natives

used the fiber to make rope or soup

depending on their needs of the time

very adaptable people yeah they must

have been yeah couldn't do that with mik

Tony could you Hil possibly yeah talking

of adaptability sir I uh I court number

23 sneaking out this morning oh yes he

was checking out with two dozen wi coat

hangers he'd bent them Square to fit his

Rock

sack that's the ticket you keep your

eyes open I think I'll give your parole

officer a tinkle and tell her I'm well

pleased etc etc thank you sir oh I say

you shouldn't leave this open really

should you sir oh no of course not thank

you feter incidentally I think you

buying a better safe you know but

they're not cheap yeah well better safe

than

sorry oh that's very witty fler oh thank

you sir I prefer the one about

Goldilocks myself

really still we've got to do our best

haven't we son not much to laugh at

these days as a not since Mastermind

finished

[Applause]

ohy

Fletcher in

it

Fletcher Norman Stanley Crowther Thomas

Clifford West End Central flying Squad

now oh yes I heard the Sweeny was a bit

pushed for

personnel you won this nty lot of

lit when did you come out two months ago

where you been work work pull the other

one I heard you hav't got another

one what' you got in the bag now listen

you got no cause to do that no cause

what are you doing at 7:00 in the

morning far from your own turf I told

you I got a job around the hotel in sis

Gardens yeah look here nothing in here

Tom except half a tongue

sandwich despicable this is they don't

overpay you do they I have to accept all

that don't I just as I have to accept

all

this oh we expect this is a hard crime

right now is it must require a very

sharp eye and constant vigilance in it

it does now what do you attribute

personally to your Rising crime to I

mean is it uh is it unemployment the

dissatisfaction of Youth frustrated by

blocked

opportunities or is it part of a deeper

sickness one which permeates the entire

Society look I haven't got time to stay

here talking here or is it simply that

you can't turn your back for a minute

[Music]

what I up your grease like with your

Bridge that's the trouble with your job

you spend all your time in transport

cast picking up maners like that I've

always had maners like that well I don't

like it and I don't like the way you eat

with your elbow on the table and

everything I cook for you put into a

sandwich you season on the Run well it's

not nice soone got out of bed the wrong

side this morning well I have a lot to

do over the morning I have to get you

off and then I have to my B something

wheny comes in and then I have to get

myself off to work and Raymond's no help

Raymond get out that

bathroom but we're married beloved

you'll only have me to worry about well

you won't come down to breakfast in your

vest when we are married it was s of

thed in that respect i' got a lot in

common with your dad is I unfortunately

yes I thought was going to embarrass me

that is I mean when we live somewhere

nice people are going to ask me how I

met my husband and I'm going to have to

say shared a sell with my

F Well must be in the incidentally well

on the subject have you mentioned it yet

what why you know to di our

intentions uh no I have had chance

you've been putting it off since you

come out of prison no I haven't I'm on

the road all the time and he's working

nights you're just PR barting no I'm not

what do you want me to do go down on one

day and ask for his daughter's hand in

marriage even if he refuses to make

natur whole difference well I do think

you ought to make our intentions

formally clear I will I will give us a

kiss just like dve put off put off put

off

yeah oh I don't believe it how morning

flet morning I like B it you was set

yeah

neck in first thing in the morning all

the breakfast things are cleared away I

couldn't be like that you know how many

sausages who here angry got something to

show you well I haven't got time ingred

this is a matter of some port to me

please look what do you think of

that oh Dad it's your first ever pay

packet well yeah congratulations Fletch

yeah

well can I have that six squid me then

what six quid from the pub last week oh

that's six quid all right yeah give me

that what are you doing well you owe me

a FIV from the previous week and I the

insurance man I can pay him now cuz

we're a month behind what insurance what

your life insurance died cost a bit but

it's worth it cuz if anything happened

to you we'd be

quiding is your six L listen why doesn't

he pay board and lodgings he gets an

allowance you know they all do well he

gives me that allow

oh well let's have it let's share it out

no now ingred puts that into our Fund in

uh into into our fund like what

fund uh must be off what's he talking

about what time is it time I was off

don't do that to

me morning son see morning F Bo what do

you want to do listen to your rice

crispy look what your dad's brought home

Raymond

oh good cuz you ow me money what po you

brought the stylus on my stereo said

you'd replace it it cost 350 oh you like

vultures a lot of you a you give me that

packet here what you left me with look

at

that 5 P oh good we need that for the

gas

[Music]

meter hangs up

good Mar please uh 20 uh 26 26 that's

cly check in today did you sir yes right

it's afternoon i' been Ling for a bit

and I've changed oh yes lot of changes

sir I know ex that when I come out uh

when I come back sir when I come back

out you know when I when I come when I

come back to live out here

like Arabs Arabs yes all over the place

yes Oxford streets like a casbar house

can't get down it for flying carpet

so they're the ones with the money

though oh indisputably sir and this

country needs it yeah I wish a few would

stay here instead of the doorchester

though oh what you mean because of the

uh I tell you a funny thing sir I got a

friend he he lives in St John's Wood

he's a window clean you see and he was

cleaning this out of bladies window and

uh and uh she said to him how much and

he said 250 love so she gave him 250

nier NE yeah straight up what' you give

it to her back No but he left her the

ladder you know what I

mean you know where in the wrong game

yes we are excuse me sir but uh are you

originally from North London sir mwell

Hill that way no oh and you seem

familiar now that's all oh well nice

talking de thank you sir thank

you stirring Bean

[Music]

lady ever so lovely and

clean no

chest wonder

what good evening sir

Madam

even the thing is I don't suppose you

have any rooms don't you

sir I said they probably wouldn't have

darling I might have

some I mean I'm I'm willing to take a

chance you know as long as it's a 5 to

one chance you know what I mean you see

we've uh we've got this room we keep

specially for this Arab potentate but uh

I mean if he wants to fly in the middle

of night in his private Concord well

that is his hard luck isn't it

thank you sir it's awfully decent of you

not at all we're in luck after all

darling would you like someone to help

with a luggage sir uh there is no

luggage oh oh that's just as well cuz we

got no one to help you with

it's I'm afraid it's cash in advance

this time of night oh yes of course yeah

that'll be £12 sir for the double

excluding this little bit of

V8 no you see the thing is my uh wife

and I were been to an office due and uh

we were driving back to reading Red Hill

and the car broke down oh yeah just

around the corner I think it's the big

end oh I hope so so

yeah and I said to you didn't I darling

I said why don't we stop over in town

for the night and let the AA deal with

it in the morning yes yes well that's

the best thing is it well thank you very

much Mr uh Smith thank

you well uh I'll say good night then

yeah good night oh would you like a call

in the morning or shall we let nature

take his course I think we'll just let

it it won't be darling I'm sorry sir the

lift is out of all I'm awfully sorry but

it's only five flights

up I to take the wind out of your

sales

[Music]

thaning what are you doing here I just

Dro by you know get a around with inry

of you I just dropped by you in trouble

are you you always think the worst you

do Fletch no I don't no just don't see

much of you these days get a chance to

talk to you and uh what were you working

nights and me days and well you AR me

mate and I value that and I couldn't

sleep tonight and I thought why not come

down and while away a few hours with me

old mate

Fletch ingri pregnant is

she no she's not yes she is I've told

her about this I've tried to warn it she

won't listen to me you shut up a minute

flet she's not pregnant you think we're

da or something well you come here for

something you haven't just stopped by

have you well I have come around here

about ingred actually she wanted me to

tell you something that I should have

told you way back

yes well um to come straight to the

point yeah good evening oh good evening

Madam I haven't had the pleasure before

have I oh haven't you madam oh never

mind my name is uh Fletcher and you

would be Mrs applebe room two room two

Madam sir I wonder could you undo this

for me young

man thank you I'm going to have to give

these to you oh are you madam why is

that to put in your safe oh see oh yes

yes thank you it's my custom I rest

easier in my mind oh certainly man I'll

just get you a receipt shall be a

moment do you work here no mom I've got

a son your age he he's in the theater oh

that's nice he's an actor very good too

only they don't seem to give him very

big

Parts oh well one day perhaps who knows

here we are Madam one receipt coming up

I should like some tea in the morning at

9:30 and a Daily Telegraph certainly

I'll just make a note of that there's

your receipt for your jewelry 9:30 Daily

Telegraph thank you madam good night

then good night Madam thank you

what a nice old

soul now where was I oh yeah yeah ingred

thought it was about time I told you

that got it what I've just Tweed can I

oh well I'll be off then flet no no no

no no nice old soul you say butter

wouldn't

melt she is a bleeding con artist who

the old dear yeah oh come on fet that's

typically you you always think the worst

of people no no no it's all falling into

place now just before you came in here a

bloke came in he's in room 6 I thought I

knew his face it's all falling into

place now Wellings his name is Wellings

AKA Foster AKA Stansfield AA AKA AKA

also known as I was in I was in MA to

knit with him yeah for a long time

that's worm Wellings that's his name I

don't see the connection between him and

the nice old lady all right I'll tell

you now i' much rather talk about ingred

listen never mind ingred but I'm come

around

here well used to work this Con you see

with a lady who some said was his old

mother they used to work used to work

around the South Coast Bournemouth T

that sort of thing always a small hotel

always with a safe like this one an easy

one see what was the com well the com

was they they would ensure some jewelry

they declare a value of say uh £10,000

right and they would book into this

hotel separately no connection

whatsoever different days sometimes you

see then the old lady would put her Tom

FY in the night safe see her jewelry see

what I mean then she'd try and get the

porter upstairs by phoning down saying

she got headache and would I take some

aspirin up that's sort of thing you see

if it was me right now meanwhile oh

beggar legs Wellings he'd come down and

do the saf as he oh I see then they

claim the insurance L and also of course

they might get a backhander from the

hotel for keep your stum and all of

course the jewel is fake always fake

come and have a

look well even if it's fake they've got

to pay a very high premium but only till

they've done the job a they that's not

long is it it's a new name is it new

name New Town new insurance policy right

yeah look at it it's rubbish isn't it

it's ay well well worm Wellings a h

looks real enough to me well of course

it does to you cuz you know na all about

it do you that is past

me hey Fletch what this is not good you

and me excon open

safe no you're not wrong then put it in

there put it in

there hello reception

yes oh oh certainly Mrs

applebe yes nice glass of hot milk

certainly certainly yes in a Jeffy Madam

yes thank you what did I tell you what

did I tell you hey Fletch this is a

golden opportunity for you how call the

law right they come in here Hide you

take up the op milk Wellings comes down

does the safe they color him who's the

hero you are think how that will go down

with your parole board not to mention

the owner of the hotel it's a flaming

golden opportunity

that's despicable

that P and you're the man who's taken up

with my daughter

ingred I don't follow listen Sunny Jim

you and I have had the strength to go

straight right but this guy obviously

hasn't as he so are you going to be the

one who puts him behind bars again eh

are you and what is more are you going

to live with that on your conscience for

the rest of your life that you would a

party do it oh no no I wouldn't wish

that on anybody of course you wouldn't

call the Lord I'm sorry Fletch I didn't

think it through no you never do do you

so you can't have anything on toward

happening on your own

doorstep no that's true that's very true

you're not in your

position

no so what you going to

do what's going on I'm sorry to disturb

you sir but I have no choice this is

Sergeant gobber of the

yard the

yard fraud

squad for

Squad look we know your game chummy we

know what number you've been running um

could you keep your voice down a bit

sent we don't want to get the hotel a

bad name you know what I mean I don't

know what you're on about do you deny

that you're worm Wellings otherwise

known as Stansfield otherwise known as

Foster they never let you forget do they

that was years ago yeah got away with it

on the south coast but we're a bit more

alert up here Sunny Jim excuse me

sergeant if there is going to be an

arrest could it be sarup teachers like I

mean like down the far escape with a big

bag over his head you know what I mean

I'm going straight for God's sake you

are from now on Sunny Jim if you got any

sense but don't remember me do you

Fletcher we was in maon together many

moons ago did you shop me then only to

him well what do you mean he's only the

yard he is a truck

driver the only yard he knows is the one

he backs his Lor

into is this this is all a joke then no

no it's a warning if you've got anything

up here Sunny Jim you'll take eat of

this morning here you are here is your

Christmas cracker jewelry now you take

that and you take your old lady friend

and you leave this hotel first thing in

the morning don't come back

right here I've done time and all you

know and I'm going straight me and him

both now it takes a lot of courage and a

lot of bottle come on Billy Gray I'm out

of it

my word your early risers oh yeah you

see the thing is I contacted the AA and

they said they'd fixed the car already

oh that's funny cuz you haven't got a

phone in your room have

you what' you do send a pigeon that's

quite but come along let's be off barel

cheral morning Petra oh good morning Mr

MC late arrivals were they they were so

yes but don't worry cash an advance up

FR that's the

ticket ah oh yes so now I see that you

put Mrs Apple's jewelry in the safe uh

yes yes sir that's uh that's quite safe

in there sir yes sir delightful old s

been coming here for years

come in here for Years sir yes last

Friday every month board meeting in the

afternoon theater in the evening etc etc

regular as clock work always stays here

even though she could afford clares

always leaves her jewelry in the same

worth a bit is it sir uh about 12,000 a

gall her husband her late husband was

appleb

tof what's the matter Fletch are you're

looking ill yes I feel I feel a bit

dizzy so I feel a bit just a bit queasy

I think I'll go look at the first a box

see if there's anything there can uh can

help me course I'll

just my

God would a cup of tea out Dad no no no

I might as well just pack me a little

bag get on the train go straight back to

Slade prison save the taxpayer the

expense of an arrest they might believe

you di don't be Dar ing I'm an excon and

I well you never know I mean the story

is so ludicrous it does have a ring of

authenticity about it yeah and you was a

witness ly hey leave me out of it I'm an

EXC that's nice is it well there's no

point in both of us being falsely

arrested why

not now dad you got to 11: tonight

correction correction I've got till Mrs

applebe leaves for the theater tonight

7:00 you got a lot of contacts I mean

you know all the bent people

around put the word about maybe one of

them will nail worm Wellings for you you

know and get the stuff back the stuff by

now will be in small pieces in Amsterdam

or whatever the fences disposal the

stuff yeah I always knew it was genuine

I could tell at a glance it weren't

paced oh you knew it wasn't paste did

you you knew it wasn't fish paste that's

about all you

knew well it's not surprising it was was

genuine though not if you say her

husband was Apple Beast toffee I mean

that's the famous brand that yeah I I

think I used to be very fond of their

weekend assortment and all that's put me

right off Toof his for Life letters all

I'm praying is that I don't get sent to

the same Nick that's all cuz the sight

of Mr makai's face when I walk through

that door there more than I can

stand did you tell him last

night what about you and me

no put off put off put off I could have

tell him with all that going on well you

better tell him now can't now before

it's too late before what's too

late oh

um uh ingr thought I uh I probably ought

to tell you um this uh I know it's the

wrong time cuz you got a lot on your

mind but she thought i' better tell you

that we're probably uh thinking of

getting

married oh congrat ulations I hope

you'll both be very happy sorry I Shan

be there to see

it there's no need to take it like

that hello Fletcher what are you doing

here this time of the evening can I have

a word of you sir has Mrs applebe left

for the theater yet sir no she should be

down in minute now well could I have a

word of you before she does it's

essentially I talk to you sir I can't

wait just to take piure I'm right in the

middle of something I've got a plumber

in 14 all right all right now worry

I got all the time in the world I have

two years

minimum

let

Wellings I hoped You' be

here I brought you

this oh

God and the money for my

room and my

key oh well I have to ask you worm

why well I really have been going

straight you see six

years I didn't know what the hell was

going on last night but suddenly you

anded me

Temptation and all my intentions all my

promises to myself and to my

family went out the window yeah much as

you did down the farest

great yeah it hasn't been easy straight

and narrow making do getting by just you

don't have to tell me son well I got a

fairly decent job now I sell bathroom TI

car goes with it

expenses not much but it's

honest and you sleep at

night good evening oh good evening mrby

I've been eing my jewelry yes I've got

it right here for you madam wasn't it

locked up oh yes yes yes it was locked

up yes but uh I knew it was coming down

in a minute you see so I I got it out

for you especially there we are thank

you could you help me with this young

man

thank you so where is it tonight in

Madam I'm going to see a new play I'm

told it's rather sorted and sexually

explicit oh dear I do hope so it's 350 a

ticket now we you a cab Madam I know Mr

mcan's already seen to that thank you

all right oh by the way Fletcher last

night I didn't get my hot milk no I'm

sorry about that Madam an emergency came

up it uh it won't happen again good

night good

oh I get it you thought ER and me was

working the old game together oh yes you

see my point of view don't you you see

the trouble with people like us is we

think the worst in others don't we well

you weren't far wrong 10:00 this morning

I was around at the

fences what oh yes well listen which one

I've been around them all today I walk

me legs or I'm going a wink asleep Ernie

fish don't you know him Ernie fish is he

still alive I thought he snuffed it

years ago oh no he's still there off the

Caledonian road so was I with the

gear it scares me though how easy I

succumbed I thought I'd kick the Abbot

but I was like an ex-alcoholic had

suddenly found a case of scotch dumped

on his bed now listen son don't sell

yourself short sure you was tempted but

you licked it didn't you as your

presence here indicated you brought the

stuff back didn't you hey you'll be all

right don't worry you're an example to

us all you are am I though what worries

me is would I brought it back if Ernie

fish had said it was

[Applause]

[Music]

genuine I'm going straight I am straight

as an

ER I paid the price and done

time I'm going right I am this right and

narrow and I don't stri back to

[Music]

[Applause]