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sign it

you the receipt sign it what just like

that without so much as a cursory

perusal once to peruse these are my

possessions here mr. Kirby will come in

with it may very well be that during the

intervening years well well well I'm

just saying you're saying you know

that's it are you implying that there

are people in this prison who might

resort to stealing yeah rubbish these

are my possessions go check them off if

anything's missing take it up with

Lloyds yes one belt brown yes once South

African shilling hey oh yeah one tin

corn plasters yeah one hang on hang on

old yours is old yours is one teen corn

plasters containing one two three forces

one of these missing look can we get on

you don't get bad feet do you where's my

billion chalk here is a someone's use

that and always got old in look one

billiard chalk used one keyring

Tottenham Hotspur two key yeah one

receipt Shoe Repairs oh that's what it

is yeah look at that Brown broke solder

kneeled I wonderfully ready a pocket

diary for 1974 yeah that's right hang on

I am since there was shifty a look see

over here look at that see no entry

after September the 11th that fateful

day I've written look a tragic

misdirection of a jury by a biased judge

pound each way laughing boy am I wrong

yeah it's belt laughing boy wrong in or

should have been red rum

a fond farewell to wife and family

remind our ingrid to collect my shoe

repairs we get on

not much of a sentimentalist oh you know

do you know mr. Kirby in all the time

I've been staying at this hotel I don't

think I've ever seen you smile Fletcher

you haven't been out for three and a

half years I've been three years eight

months four days oh well let me promise

you something that's precious little to

smile about out there to you maybe not

know but what you take for granted will

be objects of unsurpassable joy to me in

it now get me not ordered of Shaving

cleaning sheets the right to sit on your

own laboratory for as long as it takes

to read the Sun privacy Worf no smell of

disinfectant or waterlogged cabbage the

right to sit by the flickering flames of

your own artificial log guess fire gas

bills up water bills all sorts of bills

bigger fills and when you come in prep a

seat warm

you know dole cute I'll be alright if

the worst comes to the worst you can

always send this lot up to Sotheby's for

auction good luck sir Jeremy how Kuno so

jammy Anna who are you calling a jamming

out of look at you now oh not before

time is a I've done my porridge

alright yeah you're coming all don't

worry I'm the last of our little crody

yes a little sewing circle yes then he's

gone warden lukewarm yeah the ball

embarked and the fish starts in way well

some wall pressure knows I don't let

from lukewarm hey how's it good not too

good as case comes up Wednesday

he's only been out three months I know

it's a bit difficult for him being a bit

like you know I mean who cares these

days everybody's tolerant about things

like that not in middlesboro job manner

you see very difficult being Lila in

Middlesbrough for the hard inflexible

breed of man in Middleton as he's

demonstrated by their football team

Jarrah Marmite would you like that use

that for suntan lotion

what'd they do put anyway steel in a

lady's handbag

yes of course he swears it was a mistake

he said he reckoned it was his own we

know that we've both been in and out off

you know yes well this is it for me I've

said it all before

yeah I know but now at my age I've

decided it's time I started to act my

age do you know it's very few people in

any prisons over certainly five did you

know that surprising it well it's time

for me not Oliv what it is good boy

right I'm 45 minutes 45 years of age and

I've worked out that I've spent about

seven days on average seven days out of

every 30 and some Nick or another that's

a whip in every month in it shocking

waster

I'm doing worse than you and I know

since I was 14 and before that there was

the orphanage which was another kind of

present yeah what is more difficult for

your lining because there is a lot of

prejudice against your liking them

yeah it's not easy being half black I'm

not talking about being off back I'm

talking about being our Scotch people

are not prejudiced against this Scots I

am that's cause my cars are scored it's

my car you ain't really oh you've

noticed I mean you know you're lucky

he's not by then you wouldn't be allowed

to hit and would you that is true it's

very true yeah yeah

oh I shall miss taking him there do you

know if there was two things I could

take away from this prison as souvenirs

do you know what it'd be what I'll give

you a clue they both belong to mr. McCoy

well hope you go then just a minute just

a minute let something be a line of you

yeah three and a half years and we live

all right off you go

I wonder where this door shut behind me

first I'm supposed to see you off the

premises

oh you think I'm gonna try and get back

in do you some would like to they can't

face it outside listen mate you're never

gonna see me am ring on this door crying

let me you know tell you right then we

want to be charged all about

[Laughter]

[Applause]

beer please for so high that manage AC

no wonder

one cheese no more these haven't gone e

oh well amble do them

there's no Sam we just have no chance to

make them up yet what do you got him

Scott checks

I'm not eating Scotch eggs I'm not

eating anything Scott you've got a Welsh

into me I'll tell you what I'll have a

sausage roll pardonnez English just on

the last one poor pie sorry alright it's

target Chile hey I am famished

what can you offer me KitKat just a beer

here what's this - op Tempe on another

16 26 pay for a beer courses where you

be prison the grievous bodily armed

Posse you accept South Africans do you

yeah well all all my got the sandwich

straight away cheese and small on it

you tune start on the Johnny Walker on

the side boy I said I'm a few minute

idea take that away over there we

believe this is yours

thank you mr. McCoy good god now don't

pretend you're surprised you must have

known I was coming down this train where

is this surveillance sniff my mind

entirely otherwise it'll cut the earlier

train the feeling is mutual

boy Oh give me in a manner of speaking

yes we are well from the same

establishment oh I see

sorry sir the beer and whiskey all right

no rush you might want some more

so so what first taste of freedom is it

expensive tastes

cost of living well sit down then you

make the place look untidy ironical

twister fighters in Hank because it was

you first brought me up here one day

you're no mister bear a couple him years

ago going down with some other poor on

and I you know no personal reason oh

yeah must be going to the smoke guy oh

oh why none of your business

Oh first noise yeah hey what's her name

none of your lip fact lawyer you can't

talk to me like that you know now I

don't know you mustn't point your little

miniature at me now

I'm afraid man now you am a equal right

never never flex I'm not in a moving

earth

Oh funeral is it what go for it for you

wrote down to the great metropolis I've

no wish to discuss my private affairs

with the likes of you well now let's see

if it's not a woman and come to think of

it it couldn't be not in the Hat you're

not going down for a course are you

because you went to God woman last year

for London yeah you're not you're not

going on leave because you had two weeks

and each didn't you remember when do

Abedini P don't you remember that you're

not going up for a promotional board

because they passed you over last

November thanks I'd you in all this

trust nothing is hidden in a Nick mr.

McCoy of course your birthday's coming

up soon minute hey April 23rd Taurus the

Bull

very appropriate now what is my person

to do with anything Ike nothing unless

you're coming up to compulsory

retirement oh yeah that's easy hey 55

yes thanks very much goodbye time money

what are gonna give you a golden

truncheon

a digital clock count dear yeah it's two

whiskey's doubles yes sir

cool came for a job in oh that's

your interview sooo in it none of your

business

you owe me both that's our Oh Nicolo

know anything we both led very different

lives over the past 25 years that way

now here we are in the same boat jobless

I bet your pardon

flat should at least do me the courtesy

of not putting me on the same footing as

you

that's right now yeah we're both

shuffling along the same dopey ought me

oh really have you got the

qualifications and leapfrog this

country's men in the quarter unemployed

in amateur they must still be room in

this country for an honest diligent

industrious man willing to do a hard

day's work for a fair day's pay well I'm

not sure about it

industrious diligent honest that make

you a unique case win it they were not

to do you

this is down the drain now approaching

platform corner is the 118 from Carlisle

tolling is

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that's the job you can do unit huh no

I'm gonna train shoot you that uniform

man if you can exchange a transom for a

flag on whistling Bradshaw intend to

secure position but a little more

dignity than the rail we go traffic

warden do you assume that I need the

uniform because you've always have one

up yet

you've always hidden behind that mantle

of security immune hey when you're a boy

he left school and schoolboy uniform

straight into the Army weren't you boy

soldier right the way our sergeant major

yes it's all in your phone I'm ready I

became a boy Souter Fletch our own of

expedience too many modes in our family

to treat lonex are cold field

unemployment hard time I grant you the

army became a kind of a hope but one

that I was grateful and proud sir yeah

then you went straight into Prison

Service you see you've never been out in

the cold area no you're wrong absolutely

wrong but let me tell you between 1951

and 1953 Mauri

my wife and I ran a boarding house in

Peebles the stuff quite ah well that

would have been cold yes right but that

didn't last five minutes did it how do

you know that so that was never in my

Y stands to reason that I with

sergeant major McCoy's our landlady hey

lets out ten o'clock stand by your beds

oh yes you can laugh right so you can

laugh start I took most of my savings

but most of my demo tape tried to

re-enlist join the Prison Service and

step twenty-five years later

Oh to Pastor like some type to plummet

yes you see but you you uniformed men

all make the same mistake you see you

don't do screws cop soldiers you all

think that that your loyalty is

eternally appreciated by them your

servant Hey

the force the regiment they look after

us yeah you seem to think there's some

sort of follow the figure up there who

looks off reason but there's no

it's not there's just a computer that's

all a big computer decides when your

time's up and gives you the job or in

your case the clock is that's why I know

so much about it

listen you are in a very precarious

position do you know that I've seen it

all that I've seen Britain this leads to

resentment you think the world owes your

living

you'll probably finish up in the doc you

know the doctor on some pathetic little

charge stealing the tiller duro get out

at Tesco so you can polish up your

medals take around the pool and shop

listen if I was you that so I'd feel

little dose it to my future and a bit

more children you're not exactly a pro

prospects are you no no no but I have no

illusions to see I've got no losses I

expect a fall from society so the

chances are I'll be disappointed you'll

be back let me tell you that so the

straight and narrow

no the strengthener is not as easy as

you think you you've been back in crime

in five minutes you've been back inside

and five months in your uniform there no

no I'm going straight I know you're

burning forth and that's because I've

said it all before but the point is when

I said it before didn't mean I used to

just say for the parole board this time

I'm legit what do the same as your Spurs

I'll just pray that somebody gives us a

break

have I offended you no just gonna clear

the bottle milk Oh everyone for me will

never say we get up yeah do you mind if

I tell you this lap I do wish you would

would you like to say that Matt no he's

got all my money

it's just fetching it possibly Otzi

remember poke see we did time together

mates - yeah yeah well you were right

and enjoy how long you been out go away

just name back three hours

well what plan G got my plans amount are

very fluid I'll have a scotch I thought

you must be a bit short just at the

moment hey no exactly flush won't be a

moment

yeah you seem to know a lot of people on

this train so not planning to knock it

off I not doing drunk all of it mister

why are you watching that back in the

bag

that's just it look mister I've just met

someone someone hit someone who could

maybe take the bag off for us

Oh mate your mind just came out a slave

prison leaves a penny or two now look if

Lily Lord Rama does they'll be waiting

right so I'm eight you can take you know

for this thing he's very reliable I mean

you know he's solid

how solid Wow he's one of us always has

been look he's in the buffet on his own

you could judge for yourself come on

I'll introduce ya you get back keep your

eye on that bag

feel better for that deal shouldn't

we've got another couple in arrest good

idea yeah yeah while you're doing that

I'm gonna let a couple of bigger pond

I'm going to have my first civilians

left

morning

moaning you someone just mentioned to me

that you were on your way from state

prison Oh who might that be her friend

mine the chances are if you recognize me

he's no friend of mine on the conjuring

he spoke very highly of you

he didn't and I said you were a man of

integrity and I one can trust

well liked to sing us up blondie yeah

depends how I get sick stop looking for

a job position no perhaps I could help

you there I mean what I have the

competition Oh trust integrity

absolutely I'll what your time our guy

lose Sutherland Highlanders his newest

recognizes you oh yeah sixteen years

mountain boy one God was a class two

would have guessed its argument new

military man use of green Howard's major

so a long time ago I nevertheless we

nose up comrades in arms that sort of

thing it's new

you see it's new quince that this

country has done to the dock since the

evolution of national service Tom hurt

look can't get straight to the point

I need to leave this chain of Watford

it's very important I have something

of that now if you could do that for me

I would be very grateful they would have

cost these suitable recompense up

sinneth it needs to go this dress you

live in Mesa this is your head office

Ed's Clinton body shop my Landrieu dream

is right and we might see later about

something more permanent

I will get the bag too

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Cheers

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yeah

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blade now's the crown jewels

Fletcher what Norman Stanley Fletcher

oh don't be coy Fletch I collared you

once I have Scott you in it

what's in the bag well back there back

its back yeah what is it boy I'm gonna

write to no no you haven't

you got no right carnies trying to

harass me come on Fletch a job has been

done the perpetrators are on this train

and I me too now you don't have to be

Columbo to put two and two together now

come on mr. Scott you give us a fright

will you look I have to mess up your

hypothesis but I've just come out from

Slade prison today this is my first

freaking day of freedom is first oh yes

yes it's easily provable in it he'll

prove it boy Ozzie this is senior prison

officer McCoy disease excuse me

scotch up flying squad this is made

known to you you've been at it already

Fletcher oh come on mr. McCoy just alibi

me out it's not will you are you who he

says he was it and I don't know who he

said I was but I am senior prison

officer on the tribe you know this man

lift Slade prison today yes he did

well there was a journalist done it

Stepford killer we driver lost his nerve

and the others whipped into the station

oh look at the wrong man here you get on

the train with me at Carlisle so did I

if we got a couple of them but they did

never gear on him that's why I'm

assuming it's still on the train he bet

go and look for NJ going on you right in

right well just have a look in his bag

first that's Monday hey short man but we

split you're holding it folded oh I was

minding it I was mine is he as he was

asleep and his locked criminals to use

this line

the scene Euclid May 1 going straight

heard that one before hungry why did you

say it was your bank simply but I knew

it wasn't your - right wasn't my summer

came at Dumpty ear just exactly as I

meant it must be mine fellow King long

left bagged in one week me he must be

yours

little Commission that came my way while

you were having a Jimmy riddle

immediately a military acquaintance of

mine asked me to deliver this back from

in London and then we are going to

discuss something a bit more permanent

would you Adam and Eve what is so

amusing thought oh dear

if he was caught you liver in that bag

mr. McCoy you will be discussing

something very permanent with a judge I

don't follow

listen mister you and I are old

adversary's aren't we I and and believe

me nothing would give me greater

pleasure than to drop you right in the

class but I I can't see this day one of

a new leaf besides you done me a great

favor did you know that even if you

didn't know it Fletcher would you try

and make some sense ever shifty in a

bank

betray your confidence never I think you

should

good God yeah well we've got you girl

I'm too sore to the thought now just

leave it sitting say no no you can't get

the law you'll finish up in court you

will have to admit to being conned into

being their bagman while you hey Rock

Robin Arnie you're gonna look there in

our guy

especially you looking for a job and all

once secure if you're gonna say to that

the interview right well what do you

suggest Fletcher so how bad is it

get me good

let's leave it for the cleaners to find

I mean he's gone look he shows Buffy up

in it hey let's just mosey off to our

individual compartments right but sir

I think that's an excellent idea listen

listen let that be a lesson to you

remember the straight and narrow is not

as easy as what you

that's hot

well Tara

shut them waste on it

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