Original subtitles

Ah!

Don't cry.

It's okay.

Everything is going to be okay.

I'm so sorry it has to be this way.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

Someone will find you.

You made me do this. It's your fault.

No, I'm not telling you where she is.

How could you do this? Do you think that's okay?

This was never okay.

I can't believe you made me do this.

After everything.

No.

I can't do this anymore.

I hate you.

You're never going to hear it from me again.

You understand?

Honey, that mystery creature came back.

Our trash is everywhere again.

No, I saw it clear this time.

It looked at me like a child, or a drug -fueled teenage girl, rather, staring at

me like I was some sort of mother figure.

Could they be part of the in -house?

Could they be moving all the way out here? We got this place to get away from

the madness.

No, I'd rather not deal with the police.

No, I don't want the forest rangers out here either. Our birdbath, as you very

well know, is not in compliance.

Okay. I'll call animal control.

No, it's not a coyote.

It moved like a link.

It's hard to describe. It definitely had wild cat -like eyes.

With the body of a young hairless baboon.

No, it wasn't human, really. It wasn't... No, no, it wasn't animal

Okay, yes, it could be the same cougar responsible for all those poor poodles.

Yes, it's definitely a job for a specialist. Send him. This could be big.

A new creature.

They discover a new one each day, don't they?

Maybe they'll let me name it.

If it's my discovery.

G'day, g'day, g'day!

I'm Norge B. Shearing, the lovely dapper trapper.

Well, famous worth hunter extraordinaire. And today we've been

special assignment of tracking down the potential new creature never recorded by

man. And I'm here to find out, is it fact or farce?

I

can't

believe it.

You're unreal.

You look like a cherub, a daisy, a will -o' -the -wisp.

They forget that you're not like us, completely separated from mankind.

Even if you could understand, you wouldn't believe me. No one else

We look nothing alike, but you're my sister.

I bet you're a liberal like me.

Whoa, she's definitely wild, but...

Something tells me she's starting to become woke already.

Her fury is exquisite.

She's really something.

You're like my hairy little Helen Keller.

You're free, like an animal. Not a person. No hang -ups. No rat race.

Wild and free.

Joanna!

Joanna!

Well, I'm here about the animal -like girl.

Well, I hate to be a sticky beak, but I think I'll have a look around.

Yeah, looks like some big game turn this rubbish over here.

Oh, look there.

Oh, some well -made traps.

Beautiful. In my early career, I'd make a catch of this, but now since I'm an

expert, I can tell right away it's a size 7.

Well, looks like the homeowner's just there. Well, she's not alive to speak

us. I'm not going to show the body. I don't want to be part of some snuff

Forensics will be by. Make a full -page rap on it.

The only analysis I need is my own.

That a boy, Runty.

Looks like he's picked up a cent.

No time to chat now.

Better get after it, shall we?

I know is true When winds are

tired of blowing

When droughts are

tired of crowing

Then I'll be tired of you

Boppy!

Get away from the window.

Bartholomew, what's out there?

What's out there?

I'm often asked why I'm at the forefront of my game. Award winning twice now. In

07, 09.

Yes, I'm the one who tagged the famous boomer, P -22, and now I'm the sixth

contender for bagging the new one. P -122, as they call it. It's bloodline

We have this net.

It's strictly silicone -based, and it stretches for any roughhouse rigmarole,

you can see.

This is what I'll travel with, on paper.

Really, I just need photo evidence of setting it out, so the force service

know I'm not on my ass but working.

And hopefully they'll sell me my money in time for dinner.

Now where's my bait case?

Whoops, not this one. That one contains the disease that has no cure.

All I've got to nourish me right now is this. Had a chance to buy 11 parrots on

eBay after they phased them out, so I naturally jumped at the opportunity.

The raven's hover at 2 .30.

There must be warning calls.

My intuition says she's still in the area.

No time to check myself now. Maybe we can track her down.

What's the matter now, Runty?

Must have ran you too hard again.

Well, sorry, mate.

They say if it's too hot to touch, she's overheated.

Ow! Ow!

Ah!

Ah! Ah!

Can't hold you much longer, boy.

Ah!

Quick, Runty!

Fetch me a safe and safe ratchet and a screwdriver.

No, Yuga class, it's different, you know?

And I like this spot.

It's quiet.

No problem.

Talk to you later.

Oh, hi there, girlie. You wouldn't happen to have a tool kit, would you?

Hi. Um, no.

Sorry. You haven't happened to see or hear any signs of a mangy, wild sea

of nature running around here, have you?

Um, no.

Moves like a leopard, this one, with DNA split right down the middle. Part

valley girl, part Neanderthal preemie.

Um, you're the only person I've seen out here today.

You sure? She looks like a homecoming cheerleader, tossed around and dragged

through the mud a bit.

Um, sorry.

Can't help you.

Your name Kathy?

No, it's not.

Huh. Of course it isn't.

Sorry? You look like a gal I used to know.

My ex -wife, actually.

Yeah, not a ten.

Mind if I call you Cathy?

Uh... Nice to be shearing out your service, madame.

Cryptos are all just in big game hunter extraordinaire.

You're what now? No time to explain.

I'm on a set and it's fading fast.

Bye, Cathy.

Sorry there's no time to serenade you with my didgeridoo.

Well, she should be good to go now.

Who doesn't love my heavily customized ride?

Touch sensitive screens are waterproof and tiny microphone here allows me to

verbally communicate with whoever.

Guess there's no better time than now to show you what she's made of. Got the

latest and greatest gadgets and gizmos here to go over. Here we have seven

radars, not to be toyed with.

Got my first aid kit here with me, filled with my favorite tailor fit

in case I get lucky.

I carry no camera these days.

Because the way I see it is, if I can snap her, I can tag her. And if I can

her, I can have her.

This is my hydrogen condensed lithium laser tranquilizer from IBM.

Spend in all 30 states.

That's why it guides with a cheese grater.

Shoots the real laser.

Two shots can detriment the impulse for less than a minute. Three shots can

promote hysteria and other complications with bad bathroom time.

And here's my field note.

Doubles as my diary with plenty of poetry dedicated to my love, Kathy.

It also has a few tidbits about the elusive wild girl.

Here's a nice entry brimming with prose.

She's not wired like a hog. She's stealth like a snake with fangs of a

and can also turn transparent in the moment of danger.

We're getting a call.

Nigel, your parcel arrived.

Finally. I've been anxious to get your thoughts on my latest finds.

You mean my latest finds.

I'm just looking at them now. I trust you were successful this time.

I got what I could for now.

And it wasn't a joy.

A rodent?

A badger?

It's up to you for now. Look at this little guy.

Surely.

Come on now. Have I ever prevented you of species that wasn't genuine?

And that is mostly due to my trust.

I rarely oversee the most profound authentications before accepting a novel

lineage from you.

Well, I assure you that new discoveries never cataloged.

Another insect.

What can I do with this?

More muck.

That there is a color -changing rarity.

You really have to see this natural habitat to appreciate this one.

Vibrant hues that really twinkle at twilight.

Surely this one's an honest find.

It's a marsh deer.

It's a poison fungi, actually. A carnivore. That's infecting the deer's

That's the real winner.

Am I supposed to be impressed?

Well, I assume you find delight in this last one. It's a rather enticing

reptilian charmer from the black mamba variety.

You insult my taste by claiming this grisly mutant a charmer. What now? I

couldn't forcibly dream of a more innovative creature.

You don't know this is Nick?

It's so puffed out.

Truly an unordinary and almost mythical find.

Ain't that what you're after?

You have frustrated me, Nigel.

We'll have to discuss the peculiars of our new contract moving forward.

Can I charge you for this video, Cole?

He hung up on me.

Can you believe that, Ranty?

Hope he doesn't let me go after all this time.

It's hard to find a good side hustle like him.

Alright, I'm very excited because we just received a hot tip that there's

sighting of the wild girl right here across this bridge in that there cabin.

Rumour had it that this is where the pretty pup's mother once resided before

fled social services and went into exile.

Some ancient old bric -a -brac this is.

It's like a snapshot in time

of what all that bush baby could have had and grown up with.

An obliterated family reminds us that a house is not a home.

We have to stay calm and clever and keep our mask on.

Animals can only recognize you by the shape of your mouth.

Oh, I can feel their megamites nibbling at my own family jewels already.

We better vacate now.

This target area is infested with not only vermin, but with the dark, dank

vengeance of this feline, sinister soul.

I can't believe it. It's her.

It's really you. You're alive.

Mother will never believe it.

What is it, Sasha?

Mother, I found her.

I snapped a photo. It's blurry, but it's definitely her.

What do you care? How many more posters are around town?

What you did to our family was despicable.

Stop doing that! Heinous!

I want nothing to do with this girl. I hate being an only child.

You know, maybe I abandoned the wrong daughter.

And there she is.

Gazing at me lovingly.

I've moved on. I'm a different person.

You need to stop.

Behind the Dale.

What are you trying to accomplish with this?

Through the tweaks.

Quit it.

I'm done.

It's not the juniper berries on that branch she craves. It's me.

You're done.

Her big Tasha.

It's the worst day of my life when I've forgotten about it and I've moved on,

and you should too.

It's over, Mother. They're going to put you away.

They can't prove DNA unless they take a swath from me, and I'm not going to let

that happen.

I just want my sister.

I know you're just doing this for the fame and fortune.

I want the bond we never had.

She's dead to me. Never to know if she would be gay or straight or non -binary.

Oh, really?

Don't these things keep you up at night, Mother, like they do me? That chapter

of my life is done.

You're a bitch, Mother.

I love you.

You don't know me.

I've read your diaries.

I am not the same person I was 17 years ago.

You're screwed, Mother.

You should have been raped by a wolf.

And I'm going to tell everyone what really happened.

I will disown you forever.

Well, my ship is coming.

I think it's safe to say so anyway.

Do you know what this is?

That's right 5 ,000 tonnes of Aquafina Yeah boy

I'm going to use the potty right now and I'm going to need a little something

called hydration You can see here I've made a very impressive dent

on it Should just be another six or seven hours now before I get a six inch

in diameter The water will be gushing out but not too heavy I can bathe in it,

can wash my tush, and most of all, I can get a sip of that H2O that I don't

crave. Actually, haven't had it in about 12 years since I was a lad.

That's right, I've been faithful.

My favourite brand, MediElli. If only they made it in diet, I could slim down,

lose my pooch.

There's a lot of steps to it, okay?

Yeah. Right?

Yeah. You know what? You know what? I don't even want to do this. Can we just

stop? Rhea, come on. It's not that hard.

Why are we doing this again? We always have a bad attitude whenever we do

something I want to do. We always do what you want to do. Seriously?

Just the other day, we went to a movie I didn't even want to see.

Are you serious? Look, I'm tired of you always just taking all my energy away

from me. I have no time to do what I want to do. No time to spend time with

people that I want to spend time with. I'm just...

You know what? You know what? Do you, I'ma do me, okay? You're gonna leave?

Oh, fine.

I'll do it myself.

Hey, do you want to be in my dance video?

It's going to be so lame if I'm by myself.

Hi, I'm Brianna.

Oh, my God, my finger. Why would you do that?

Oh, my God. Oh, my finger.

Hey,

leave it. What are you doing?

Stop. Get away. Leave it. Get out of here.

My finger.

Yeah, you better run.

You better hope they can sew this back on.

Oh, my God.

Oh, crap.

The rangers be calling me.

Yes? I don't understand.

Anathondra called you?

He was a one -time employer.

His opinion of me shouldn't matter.

He's an exotic animal enthusiast, all right? I'll level with you. He horrors

to discover new species from the force of Bolivia.

The filthy rat just thinks I fooled him about some fungi.

It's got nothing to do with this here assignment.

I'm your man, remember?

I'm the only one that has that invincible sense for finding creatures

unknown. This assignment is personal and very important to me. I speak fluently

with most members of our Animal Kingdom community.

And I appreciate this opportunity to deliver.

We're just days away now.

Ronji's excited.

He's firing on all cylinders.

At any moment, he could just break down.

I need more funding for fuel.

In my teen moon sheen hole.

I got stuff in the cart.

Just waiting for me to check out.

Well, we lost power now.

No problem.

We'll just have to sit here for 11 or 12 hours and wait for the solar batteries

to charge us up.

It sure is beautiful out here. Not as nice as the outback, but nice in its own

way. Guess I'll take this time to answer some questions now. Some of you have

asked me why I like to rotate between the boots and the flip -flops. Well, the

boots keep me insulated from the extreme heat out here. And the flip -flops,

well, besides being much easier to run in, they double as a flotation device,

which has served me well a couple of times in the Amazonian River.

Everyone always seems perplexed why I wear this amazing silver jumpsuit. I cut

the knees and arms off because it's no longer winter. But the reason I wear it

is simple.

Everyone knows animals can't see silver. I'm basically invisible to them. And it

makes it a whole lot easier when I'm sneaking up on them.

Some of you wonder why I rave so hard.

And it's because studies show that it's the only music that actually soothes our

booey friends.

I'm surprised none of you have asked me why I don't have an accent.

I was born in Andrew McCaddy in Melbourne.

Then spent some time with the Aborigines.

Before they tried to castrate me and cast me out.

So I hopped across the pond to the UK to finish my veterinary conservatorship

amongst all the shires. Bedford Shire, Berkshire, Cheshire, Derbyshire, and

Carnaul. Before getting plopped on a steamliner to different subtropics like

Bolivia.

Nigel, my archaeologists need their leader.

You are all we've got.

The only cryptozoologist I know.

Although lately, I have been increasingly disappointed.

With your ongoing clutter of bootlickers, I will give you anything

long as you bring this new rare breed home.

Yeah, hon, what is it?

I'm working on this daggone house.

Damn you, Mabel. Why, that's a pain in my ass.

Why you make such weak coffee?

Tastes like ass water.

I'm sick of this crap you put me through. Out here day and night, working

our mortgage.

Why don't you go get on down to Home Depot and get the discount paint for the

kitchen? I don't give a rat's ass what color the cabinets are as long as I keep

the food dry.

What the hell is this now?

Hon, I'm going to have to call you back. It looks like one of the neighborhood

children has gotten loose.

What? You don't scare me?

Yeah, it's the working man right here.

Take a good look.

I don't know what you are.

Oh, you's a female.

Hey, you're actually kind of good looking. What you doing now?

You crazy? No. Go back in your yard. No.

What you doing?

Get out of the way.

Shoot you.

Shoot. Get out of there. Shoot you away.

Looks like she's been here.

The skin of an unknown slithering snake. I wonder what kind it is. No way to

tell without its body.

She must have regurgitated it.

Not sure why, but this is the best part.

Packed with nutrients like vitamin D and A.

This is why I always carry this container.

To collect the sample.

This is the kind of thing that really pushes my buttons, but in a good way.

I think it's time to hunker down and set up camp here.

Hanging on Cassie's ground.

By this time tomorrow, I'll be world famous. I can hear it now. The whole

singing harmoniously.

Nigel B.

Shearing, he's a hero, yes he is.

Nigel B.

Shearing, I hope my boy grows up to be like him.

I don't need you.

You don't control me.

You don't sustain me. You don't mean anything to me.

Burn.

Burn.

What the hell are you doing?

Covered in all that crud. Lord knows what.

You lost or something?

Ugh.

Girl, what the hell? And you're naked?

Nasty. Can I help you with something?

What do you want?

Well, you know what?

Here. Andrea will get you cleaned up.

Let's see.

So, don't your mama ever wonder where you at?

You know, you're a real hot girl underneath all this mess.

Just tell me.

Why the birthday suit?

You know what?

Things should not explain it, actually. You know...

I used to be into some kinky role -playing. You look like the kind of girl

yourself. And, you know, I was one of those treat -me -like -an -animal kind

girls. You know what I mean? I can get down with that.

Yeah, you're a real hot chick, right?

Wait a minute.

You might look really good in this. You know, I've been saving this for a real

hot girl like yourself.

Real special occasion, you know?

You know, maybe later we can go to a rave and you can wear this, you know?

Come here.

Don't be scared now.

You're a pretty girl underneath all that.

You're looking hot, girl.

You look good. You look good. I've never seen anyone look so good in the color

chartreuse before.

I love it. You look hot.

Where are you going?

Hey, wait. I like you. Come back.

Stop. Come back.

I liked her.

She made me feel less insane.

All right special announcement turns out I didn't hack my way through the woods

for the better part of the day in vain Because I found a very special discovery

The mightiest pinecone of the wood What most people don't know is you can make a

pretty decent meal out of this It's thinner than oatmeal thicker than grits.

just gotta boil it for 16 hours overnight and it'll keep them all the

over Just gonna sanitize it now with a melly yelly and put it in the pot over

the fire, and by morning, I'll have a mighty fine, genuine, knowledgeable -be

-sharing puree.

All I've got to do is season it with a bit of my forehead sea salt sweat, and

I'm off to the races. Yum, yum, yum. In my tum.

Calories for the day.

No, I just don't think it's going too well.

I think maybe I'll break up with her.

If you only knew.

I really wish, you know.

In another life, maybe.

I found a bit of brekkie in my swimming cozy.

A bit melted because it's been the warm car.

Don't know how to oka doka.

So putting down one of my favourite little treats, a chicky becky.

Double layered with crispy rice kernels and fudge.

That's right, I'm going to be filled with fudge before the day's out.

And it's going to put wind in my sails and float me through this miserable day.

I'll just have to climb this hill, 11 kilometres, and go over it. Reckon it'll

take about eight hours. By the time I get down, I hear there's a town and

possibly a cafe.

Wouldn't that be nice?

So let's go find out.

Cheryl. Here, girl.

Come on.

I don't even know how you got out.

I keep those doors locked all the time.

You go out through the screen.

Come on.

Here, girl.

Girl, get over here.

Cheryl.

Cheryl, get over here and stop acting like a dang fool.

Right now, what'd I say to you?

You have me out here looking all over the place for you?

You're a good dog, but this is dang foolish.

Come on.

Let me get this onion here real quick, girl.

All right. Now come on, get.

Let's go.

No pork chop for you tonight.

Hello there Gravo mate.

What a day it has been already.

When it comes to trapping there's a wrong way and a sure way.

What I'm doing now is the classic hollow out a six footer, lay some hosanna over

it and walk away.

Come back here early in the morning and boom there she'll be six feet under but

alive. A body found.

I'll get twice the reward money if she's still breathing.

However that is a bit tougher than the ground back home.

Not sure if I feel like digging it.

So, since that's not going to fly, I've got my variation on the classic

springback trapper right down here.

Like the old springling, she sniffs the snail bait down here, and whammo!

Snags around the limbs, she flips, lats her up, and before you know it, she's

swinging from her ankles, right where I want her. Easy pickings for the wish -I

-was American Boy Scout with a badge boy wonder. It has to be me to cash in on

her, rightfully so.

Been steadfast on her for days now.

Closing in fast on her. I reckon she's in a 30 mile radius.

And if all those traps found me, I've still got one final method here.

Some may find it rather opaque and cruel, but I find it's quite effective.

I don't believe it. I got a notification.

My credit card's been declined.

Well, at least I finally got a bit of service out here.

Got a new email here from a Debbie who claims she's harboring the fugitive. So

she got mixed up for her own doggie.

Dear Mr.

Nigel Weird Looking Man, I have found what I think you are looking for.

She's my dog. Her name's Cheryl.

And people keep saying you be looking for her. I found her on the side of the

road. If you can kindly find me in my home area, I would greatly appreciate it

if there's only a cash reward.

If you got nothing on you, please don't show up.

Sincerely, Debbie Dinglebeller.

It sure looks like that dangerous girl on the telly. I'll have to pop on over

and have a look -see. This is incredible.

Two whole bars.

I can finally post a status update and see who likes it. Woo -hoo!

I'm going to have to take a moment and pull my leg off.

Won't be long now.

It's too painful.

I'm just going to have to lean into all this sudden adrenaline and muscle the

teeth open.

Told you it works the way it's supposed to. Well, good news is I don't

suspect the leg is fractured. Bad news is the gashes are. around the deep and

have already run out of my mother's medicated ointment. But I'm in luck.

stuff here, the stinging nettle, acts like a disinfectant. It's like poison

but its tiny needle -like fibers stick around much longer. No pun intended.

Ah, really starting to sting now.

That means it's working.

Okay, so I've heard this crazy idea.

You know how I hate reading, and you really like reading and writing. So I

thinking, maybe you should do the book report for me.

I mean, you could just copy yours, and then... But just, like, change up the

words a little bit.

I think it would work. And then we could hang out all week, because I wouldn't

have something to do on Wednesday.

Ah, you're the best!

Thank you!

Get out! Well, mate, you must be the one they call Debbie. I got your email.

Oh, well, it depends who's asking. Are you that little Nigel weird -looking

funny man?

Sir, sharing to you.

Okay, well, what can I do for you today, sir?

Uh, looks like you have something that belongs to me.

Are you talking about my dog, Cheryl?

Oh, I suppose so. I've seen the picture.

Well, she belongs to me. She's my dog, Cheryl. She don't say much, but she's a

good dog.

And I'm not giving her without no payment.

You got something for me, big boy?

Well, I only have four USD, but I do have a nearly full pack of marbles.

And if that's not good enough, I got a 24 -karat gold Rolex.

Hey!

Ah!

What are you doing?

That ain't real. That's a fake Rolex. I already did see one myself.

Hey! You come up in here with a fake watch again, you'll see what happens.

You're crazy, mate.

You poor val, I'm sick of your kind.

Now you better deliver.

Don't make me wait.

Here she comes.

She's gone.

She's gone?

I don't know. She must have got hungry.

Maybe went out looking for some pork chops.

This is a very important subject.

You have no idea.

You're alone, you is.

I'm a loon. You're the loon pulling up here with your fake -ass watch.

Oh, I'm sick of this. Damn worse off than when I came here. Crack Rolex.

No, Snoop. I'm off the magazine. Get myself a whopper.

Okay, you do what you want. I still can't understand a word you're saying,

goodbye, sir.

All right. Well, try to be a decent person and quit doing your crazy scam.

I don't know what that is.

No, you just told me you could do the book report.

Are you serious?

I don't even remember which chapter I was reading.

Ugh, you're horrible!

Behaving like an animal?

It's addicts like you that give LA a bad name.

Stay away from me!

The infamous bridge of destruction.

Used to have 500 cars a day.

Now, they're down to zero.

Nil. And you know why?

Because that beast destroyed it.

Ravaged it.

Chewed on it with all the grizzle, all the might she could muster. And all for

what purpose?

To shrink their fangs of canines. That's what they do.

Not that there's been many accounts of these wild little creatures.

Very few have been documented, but what we do know is they spite humanity.

So they destroy all that we create. If they have a chance, and most

the time.

Look what she did here.

Made a meal out of this asphalt, and people could just lop off inside of it

plunge to their death eight feet down.

Mom, I need you to come pick me up.

I just need to come out.

I need you to pick me up.

You

don't know

the first thing about dating, honey. You're going to get your heart broken.

just trying to be your mother as you say that I'm not.

Isn't this what mothers do?

You're just so negative.

Then don't ask for my advice because I'm not going to be here to support you

when you get your heart broken time and time again.

What was the point of coming here if you were just going to be on your phone the

whole time? I'm trying to work, too.

You said we would be having quality time. This is quality time. We're

marshmallows, sweetheart.

Here, I'll put it down, okay?

You're burning her.

I like it like that.

Of course you do.

What was that?

What?

It sounded like a mountain lion.

Sweetheart, please.

You don't hear that? Hear what? You're so neurotic, honey. Did you take your

meds? Something's out there.

Okay, honey.

Oh, crikey, mate. What have we here?

Oh, no.

Look at the destruction of this once pregnant female child.

This is why you never do the latest TikTok challenge.

Bush birth.

As you can see, the newborn's been snatched away. Who knows where?

But what's worse, the sharks can smell the blood of my out.

But not to worry, because I always carry a spare Band -Aid with me in my silver

slipper. Couldn't quite possibly use two or three more of these, but this will

really help out.

Just going to stick this here, and I'll help hold it all together.

oh yeah what lovely blood sausage this will make later and don't worry love

these will grow back

help help

help you'll be fine just going to try to tuck

these back in and you can be very thankful because these organs are just

explaining some other bits things They aren't vital. They aren't mandatory to

human survival.

Nothing essential here.

And don't worry, I'll bill you for the band -aid sometime next week.

Well, I've done my good deed for the day. Knowledge will be sharing.

Signing out.

No.

I'm sorry, I just... It's too much for me. All this going on and your finger, I

just...

One thing after another.

My finger can be fine.

They reattached it.

It's going to heal.

Really? It looks like you went to a backdoor doctor.

It's supposed to look bad at first. It's going to heal fine.

No, it's not.

See, this is your dissolution. This is how you live life.

Maybe this wouldn't have happened if you were with me. I had to take an Uber to

the hospital because you were nowhere to be found. And they luckily did a great

job putting my finger back on. But, like, where were you?

I had someone better to be.

And I'm sorry that happened to you, but, like, it wasn't my fault. Maybe you

shouldn't have been dancing. Oh, my God. Are you kidding me? Look at this.

Like, you know what? Stop.

Every time. Every time something bad happens to you, I'm forced to say,

or another, I can't do this anymore. God, you don't care at all, Ray. I do. I

do, but just not that much.

Are you seriously dumping me right now while I have this?

Yeah. I'm, yeah.

This is a final straw, and I can't do this anymore.

Oh, my God. Good Lord, Rhea, you're heartless.

It's all about you. All the time. All right, and I'm done with it. I'm done

you. Are you seriously leaving?

It's going to be fine.

Well, what a tasty little snack I made out of her.

All I always say to him is make the best jerky.

What a prejudice this is, and it ain't even crispy.

Well, better get back to old Runty McGunty. Oh, I'm worried about the

because she ain't got no register.

I think he likes me.

He's only with you to get to me, sweet pea.

Why do you always do this? Do what?

You'll date anybody I date.

Oh, please.

It's not my fault they like me. What do you want me to do about it? I can't help

what God gave me.

You try to flirt with them.

You wear provocative outfits.

Oh, come on. I don't try. Just stop trying to act like my sister.

You literally tell everybody that you're my sister. Well...

We do kind of look like sisters.

You don't act like a mom. Well, isn't it fun to have a sister?

I have a sister.

What is mom like to you?

Someone who takes care of me. I feed you. I give you clothing. What else do

want from me? You're always complaining.

Speaking of which, I think it's time for a girls' trip.

Casino?

Mom, come on. You promised we would do shadow puppets.

Sweetheart, you're neurotic. Remember?

Take another dose of whatever they have you on now.

Pretty, please.

Jenny, I have to go. You know how these little twerps are.

Never get a minute to myself.

Let's do one of those challenges together.

The smoothie challenges?

All right. Ciao.

Here, take a melatonin gummy.

Mom, why are we camping so close to the stream?

Because it's relaxing.

It'll help me zonk out.

But in Girl Scouts, I learned you should never pitch a tent near a body of water

in case of flooding.

Tom's washed. Go to sleep.

Lay down.

Mommy?

There's a monster over there.

Oh, for God's sake, what horror film is your father having you watch?

Please go look.

Fine, as long as you promise to lay down and shut up.

There's nothing here.

Such a little scared baby.

Mom, stop trying to scare me. You always do this.

So embarrassing.

I'm not a little kid anymore.

Mom, you're so dramatic.

You're not fooling anybody.

Where are you? Quit throwing a pity party for yourself.

I'm going to call dad.

I wish I was with you. Mom is being so difficult.

You know how she is.

i know i'm never gonna come here again with her

okay

love you bye

I'll ask my dad if he can sleep over this weekend.

I did happen to find this granola bar.

It's seven years old, expired, but I'm quite famished, so I'm going to have to

go for it, even though it's not keto -friendly.

Nigel. Why do you go and have to call the rangers on me? I need you to board a

red -eye tonight.

Oh, come on, eh?

I'm on a restricted time frame.

You have six days to finish your folly there.

So you say I'm the best, then you say I'm no good anymore.

Control yourself.

My attempts have been nearly fatal.

Where the heck are you now?

My nocturnal gallery, crooning to my endangered friends.

Oh no, not them night monkeys again. I can't stand them and their big little

eyes, even though I do love old creatures.

I expect my wishes to be fulfilled.

Bring me... the Golden God, and I will sponsor your future expeditions so you

can pay for all your streaming subscriptions.

You want a team now? A large shipping crate with holes will do.

I'm not a poacher. I'm simply doing this for the greater good of humanity.

You're a fine outdoorsman, Nigel, but need to control your anxiety.

How can you expect this of me? Trust your interface that I paid for.

Let your onboard computer... assist you in scaling the dry lagoons and aid in

your daily procedures.

Thanks for the good advice and bye for now.

Yo, lady.

Where you from?

Jersey? I know Jersey trash when I sees it.

Sure looking hot today. Want some malt liquor?

Dang, little sister.

You look like you was dragged under a moving vehicle.

Yeah, I'm a white rapper. Proud of it. You don't know me.

Want a cigarette?

What's your

deal, girl?

What are you doing?

You insane or something?

Yo, yo, yo.

Raised by coyotes, she could eat your cannolis.

What you see is a dirty girl. A dirty naked girl.

But when I look beyond the dirt, what I see is a pearl.

I just want to have a cocktail with you ferocious females.

Yo, yo, yo.

Rockin' and rollin'. Coyote.

Man, she was raised by coyotes.

She could eat your cannolis.

What'd you think of my rap, girly?

You bit my lip, girl.

You bit my lip.

Well, if she be anyplace, she be right here.

This is a post -apocalyptic world where humans used to thrive.

But when the Chlorian bus went, the people went with it. The perfect place

little four -legged creature to roam about and wait for unsuspecting hikers

poodles to rip apart.

This is what will happen when the humans dry out.

The roads and the cities and villages of the town that we live in will be taken

over.

This is a sign of the times.

So I have a controversial suspicion that that little fell girl has been here

digging up the bones of our elders, gnawing on them, making a snack out of

deceased like it's a plaything from Petsmart.

Well, I'm here to put an end to that, whatever I have to do.

Slice, dice, or skewer. And I'm here to make sure that no strange little

undomesticated girl is going to disturb their souls in the afterlife.

The body of a young woman was recovered late Monday in Griffith Park.

Brutally mangled, organs dangling, she was an aspiring yoga instructor, rising

the ranks of OnlyFans, only to be taken too soon.

Some theorize a strong possibility of a dangerous, carnivorous, woman -like

creature. Authorities have assigned the infamous Nigel B. Shearing to the case.

Increase caution in the area and conduct selfies at a reasonable distance.

If you have any information relating to this or any other incident, call Channel

8 News first so that we can have the exclusive story.

Right? I never knew how good life would be momless.

I know.

I guess dreams do come true.

Yeah, her funeral was today. I didn't even go.

But there will be food, so... Yeah, I'll probably go for that.

Okay, sleepover later.

Yeah, it'll be so much more fun now.

Bye.

Hey, you again.

Why are you looking at me like that?

Why are you growling?

mating call with 13 -year -old Puma.

Oh yeah, she heard it all right. She responded.

I heard a twig snap.

That could only mean one thing.

A Canadian goose has laid her eggs. She's being protected.

All that big -eyed little mangy mutters out there watching my every move.

I have to be careful now.

She could strike from behind, tear off a good shank of my bum.

If only I wasn't allergic to every variety of green foliage I would.

Go over there and hide behind that green stuff.

She can smell my fear.

And I can sense her rage.

Come on out here if someone's there.

I hope it's who I think it is.

Come on out.

Show yourself.

Help. You're not looking too good, babe.

Help.

Oh, she got you good.

Help. Oh, I'm sorry. I need help. I need all the help I can get.

You're not the first girl I've seen out here.

I'm just going to borrow your phone really quick.

You know, you're not going to be needed anymore anyway.

In the meantime, you know.

Keep it cute.

Gotta make a few phone calls, so hope you don't mind.

Hang in there.

They call me a hot mess.

We have received more information about the rabid juvenile delinquent.

She is believed to be teenaged, covered in the blood of her numerous victims.

There has been half a dozen deaths so far.

she remains at large and may very well continue to slaughter and slay at

What's up, Paolo?

Are you friend or foe? Tell me now.

It depends on you.

She's after me. She's coming after me.

Help me.

Hold on, hold on. You ain't got nothing to be afraid of. It's old Andrea here.

You know about the wild girls, don't you?

Oh, of course. I know about everybody out here.

You've seen her?

I've seen them all. This is my land.

You're safe here with me.

Thank goodness, lad.

I feared for my life just there.

You have no idea what I've been through.

I've been chased around.

My bollocks barely bitten off. And now here I am. I thought I was in heaven

because I saw an angel.

There is no heaven.

And we've all had our bollocks ripped off here and there.

I can't believe it's already Thursday evening and almost a week.

I'm starving.

Miss Brecky, next din -din.

I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know what din -din. I don't know

language you're speaking. I'm so sorry. There's a language barrier.

You might need to go somewhere else. Someone else might know what you're

about. Give me some words of wisdom, won't you, Andrea?

No. All right.

See you next Tuesday.

I might not be here.

Well, bugger off now.

Oh, yes, that's wonderful.

It's going excellent. It's all going according to plan, really.

I know, right?

It's kind of like glamping, but just not glamorous, but that's okay.

I've always been kind of a hippie anyway.

So when are you going to bring me that stuff you promised?

I miss my makeup and sushi. Oh, my God, I could really do some sushi right now.

You're so funny.

I mean, if it works out and it will, I mean, pretty soon

everyone's going to know who you are and how you rescued me and brought me back

into normal society.

No, the talk show appearances alone and the sponsors.

I mean, you can live off them forever.

Hang on.

Someone's spying on me and doesn't think I can see them.

The jig is up, girlie.

That's right.

You've been found.

The game is over.

Your turn, love.

Time to drag you into the authorities now.

We can do this the easy way or the knowledgeably sharing way.

Oh, please.

Surely we can work something out.

What's this about?

What you doing now?

I know what you're trying to do. You're trying to break down my defenses.

Oh, it's getting sexy now.

You think I'm not going to hogtie you now?

It behooves me.

Oh, yeah, twirl.

I'm fond of you.

Oh yeah, my diaper's filling out.

This is quite nice actually, not expected.

Don't stop now, come on over.

Oh yeah, I'm falling in love with you now.

Oh yeah, are you thinking what I'm thinking baby?

Oh yeah, time to nibble my kibble baby.

Yeah, work your way down.

Oh yeah.

Oh yeah darling, don't stop now.

Only a few seconds longer.

Oh, yeah.

Any moment now.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, oh, oh. Not so hard. Not so hard. Oh, oh. Less is more. Less is more.

Bed ever. Bed ever. Oh, don't bite. No, no, no, no. Not for biting. It's not a

thing. It's not a shoe toy.

Oh, whatever.

No. Let go. Bed ever. Bed ever. Oh, God.

Oh, bed. Oh.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

It's all right, Runty.

Just having another exaggerated nightmare again.

New voicemail. Someone out there don't care about me.

Hey, buddy.

It's Andy.

Give me a call when you wake up.

I want to hang out with you. Okay, bye.

Oh, come off it, Mr. Dick.

I wish you'd stop flirting with me.

I already told you.

I date to marry.

And I'm allergic to cheetahs.

Well, on with our day.

Just get a quick boost from the prize, Milly Yelly.

Not sure what I'm going to do when I run out.

Rightly so.

Better get after it.

No idea what she looks like, really.

Not sure if the gal likes nuts or what. What she feeds off of.

Maybe the excrement of other animals.

But I've got a good feeling that by the end of the day, my PayPal will be filled

to the brim.

Oh, I can feel the caffeine going right to the medulla. It's what I need to get

paid and be world famous.

and in the Guinness Book of World Records for the best animal hunter known

man.

Hi Alexis, it's Kendra.

Yeah, just getting a little color before my big date tonight.

Yes, he's a bodybuilder.

No, I left Cameron.

Oh my gosh, I didn't tell you?

That bastard. Well, you know how we're trying to get me pregnant and it's just

not working?

Well, I was like, hello?

That's not my egg.

So now I'm left childless with nothing to do.

Hold on. There's some homeless woman in my yard again.

Hello?

Excuse me.

You're not supposed to be here.

I'm taking photos of you.

Go tweak out elsewhere.

Not cool.

You think I can't see you? I'm pissed.

No. No.

No. No. No.

No. No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

Earlier today.

Kendra Silva, a young woman from Palmdale, was found dead and dismembered

above -ground swimming pool where she resided.

Amateur animal hunter Nigel Shearing stands by his claims that the culprit is

not an animal at all, but rather a very famished, undomesticated girl.

Police remain skeptical, believing that it's just another deranged woman trying

to make a name for herself as a barbaric serial killer.

Oh, Ebba, you're just so misunderstood.

I think I'm going to call you the female freak of nature or my feral friend.

Yes, that's it. That's what you'll be called in our number one best -selling

book. I'm coming for you, Ebba.

Just as soon as I get my ugly sleep, I'm coming for you.

Do you understand?

You're my long -lost sister.

It's hard to believe you've slaughtered and eviscerated half a dozen people.

You're damn lucky I caught you instead of the police.

Or that diabolical loon, Nigel.

You need to be quiet.

The neighbors will hear.

Silence. I'm not allowed to have pets, you know.

Breath now.

I think you plugged it, you filthy girl.

Here we are, together for eternal bliss.

Let's assess the situation, shall we? There's a wild woman, wanted for murder,

passed out in my bed.

And it's only a matter of hours before she wakes up.

And then what?

Oh, Eva, can I please be more than just a savory snack to you?

They'd have locked you up with the rest of them in a nuthouse and thrown away

the key.

Lobotomies on the reg with the same simple food.

From now on, it's TCBY treats.

Oh, she's dreaming.

With your flick of the wrist, or shall I say paw?

I don't know if I want to give you a sippy cup or spoon you.

The pain and suffering is over now. No more scratching at your fleas or chasing

your tail.

I'm going to give you a makeover. I have a giant Walmart bag filled with false

lashes that are going to be glued on you and I first thing tomorrow.

Sleep now.

Mother, see if you can get in touch with that talk show host.

I'm sure Maury will come out of retirement for this.

Just try, okay? I gotta go. My publisher is calling.

Ebba!

It was only a dream.

Hi, yeah, I'm gonna need a jump or possibly a toe.

I'm not sure. It won't start.

Uh, let me see.

Radio work.

Let me check the headlight.

Oh my god, there she is.

It's that girl. Oh my god, she took my finger.

Please, just send help quick.

No, no, please stop.

Please, you're beautiful. I see a light in your eyes.

Please don't.

I made a pinky promise with myself eight years ago that I wouldn't stop

searching for you. And today is your birthday.

And to celebrate, I'm going to bring you some raw chicken, baby.

Yo, yo, yo, what?

There's a teenage savage beast lurking around here.

She's territorial.

You shouldn't be here.

I don't want to be in your vlog.

I'm not a vlogger.

So what are you, some type of wedding DJ?

I happen to be a highly decorated big game hunter of the modern era.

So why are you dressed like that?

It's called swagger. You should try it sometime.

Well, that's it.

What are you doing?

That's my tofu!

Fine, let's get out of here.

Join my leftovers.

Bitch.

Well, I'm very eager to check on my traps.

But first, we've got to hide Mr. McGunty with some tactics I picked up from the

military before I was discharged for tricking all them bullies in the

to drink me Milly Yeti. That was actually my urine.

Well, this is it.

If I don't catch you by sundown, I risk being replaced.

Hey, was that a ladybug?

Come back.

I could use some good luck.

Body found.

Looks like she's still alive.

Looking a bit ill.

My goodness.

Mum's going to be proud.

Well, time to get on with the mouth -to -mouth resuscitation.

Wow, look at the size of the thing.

Nearly 5 '6 and 5 '7 if I'm lucky 5 '8.

Good thing I found her when I did.

Otherwise the rattlers might have got her.

All right, love.

Now my job's nearly over.

Just going to have to inject you with this new controversial steroid to make

sponsors happy, so they can study its side effects, and then we'll be on our

way.

There you have it, ma 'ams and gents.

Knowledge will be sharing strikes again.

What the hell do you think you're doing?

Do you really think you're able to capture a manic, bloodthirsty, wild

It's suicide.

You're just going to end up a victim. A statistic.

Like the rest.

Clickbait. For those doom -scrolling fake news.

Don't worry, love.

There's an animal hospital right around the bend.

Oh, Ebba.

I know you're out there.

I can sense you, sister.

Oh, no!

What have we here?

Some deranged woman blocking the road.

There's no space to turn around.

She better not be after my hair prize.

Stick them up.

That's right.

Yeah, keep them up.

Hand over my sister, Nigel.

Sister?

You don't look like a real house.

Sure she's my sister.

But that doesn't make me automatically love her.

She's an embarrassment to me and my family.

And now I'm going to make her pay me back for all the years I spent looking

her. All right.

I'd rather not get mixed up in some family affair, but I think it's best you

leave with you.

Now, see that over there?

No, I don't see nothing.

That's right.

Nothing but hundreds of miles of sun -scorched sand and burned -out trees

forest fires.

If you're lucky, you'll make it to Fresno by this time next week.

Should be simple for a survivalist like you.

Now get going.

But I don't stand a chance.

I'll be dead by sunrise from dehydration.

Unless you let me grab me melly -elly real quick.

Give me one good reason why I shouldn't blow your brains out right now.

Um, I'm Nigel B. Shearing, the lovely dapper -trapper, world -famous, world

-hunter extraordinaire, and all my known subscribers would be pissed if I went

silent.

And I'm going to be filthy rich.

After Ebony and I go on every primetime talk show in the country.

Why not go global?

Think big.

And surely you'll mention me in those articles.

And what all I did.

Maybe if I needed a punchline.

Because you're a joke.

I'll get it.

You'll be the stars.

You'll be on all the covers of the magazines at the supermarket when you

out. I can see it now.

Ebony's face on the cover of the National Enquirer.

and maybe even Time Magazine's person of the year.

All I have to say is, I'm glad you found your version of success, whatever that

is, and I just hope she's in good hands.

Don't you move, you bastard.

Oh, you're so skinny. You look so malnourished.

Don't worry. I'll make my world -famous chicken for you when we get home.

I just have to take care of this Nigel freak.

Oh,

don't do that.

Oh, is this what you need for your travels?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Will this quench your thirst?

Oh, wait.

I just found some.

Enjoy. Thanks.

Is there a trick to starting this thing? What's with this hunk of junk?

That a boy, Runty.

Hey, can I get a push?

What's with this crap?

How old is this thing?

Well, so long, Heber. I best get back to the Great Down Under, where my senses

tell me there's a girl named Geoffrey that could be in need of a helping hand.

Help!

I have no idea where I am.

I hope I'm gonna.

I mean, it ain't tasting right.

Wake up.

Sniff, sniff. Time to come to.

Big sis is here.

You're beautiful.

We're going home to take a bubble bath and scissor.

Please lend me a helping hand.

I'm drying out.

It must be 30 degrees healthier down here.

Oh, I'm shriveling up.

I know she tried to poison me, but what she doesn't know is I spent the better

part of my life building up a tower in Santa Preet.

Kathy?

Kathy, what are you doing here?

All right.

You've come to brighten up my day, haven't you?

Wow.

Perfect timing.

Fresh, ice -cold Melle Yelly.

Thanks for bringing it out.

I don't care if it is flat.

I'm just about out.

Down to my last fluid ounce.

Oh, please, Kathy.

Why don't you come on over here and blow it in their mouth?

Please.

I think I've found my tomb, my final resting place.

And I'm in luck, for I have one last meal.

I'd love a bit of crunch with my lunch.

Mmm, meaty little guys.

Oh,

the taste is bad.

So I'd just like to say it's been a privilege, and to all the furry little

rascals out there, I'm sorry that I didn't get the chance to rescue you and

you a decent home.

I wish you the best.

I'm Nigel B. Shearing.

Burning out.

If only I could serenade you all with my digital.

Thank you.

Just pitch me mullet, will you? Oh, I'll pitch your mullet.