Original subtitles

Oh, it's nice of you to come round and see me.

It's been ages.

I know it's been a long time, but I've got just a little bit of a problem.

Oh, you might have known.

You only ever come in when you need something.

Yeah. All right, what can I do for you this time?

Well, there's this guy I've called.

Right. And he's gorgeous.

I wouldn't know how to or what to do.

You could ask him out. You could go out and play on the bench.

Have some fun. What's the problem?

I'm a virgin.

Ah.

Really?

Yes.

I've never actually even seen a penis before.

Yeah.

Don't be so silly.

No, really.

I wouldn't know what to do with one if I saw it.

You've never seen a man's penis?

Yeah,

but I wouldn't worry. You've got textbooks.

You've got the internet.

Yeah, but it's not the same as actually knowing what to do with it.

I'll ask your girlfriend. You'll have to help me out.

I don't know quite what to say. It's so inappropriate.

I mean, I thought you were coming round for coffee, not to...

Well, I haven't asked to see you naked, have I?

Yeah, but you've seen girls naked, haven't you? Yeah.

Exactly, and I haven't.

And how am I supposed to ask him out when I don't know? I don't want him to

think of me as an experience and then he wouldn't be attracted to me like that.

And I really, really like this guy.

So to help out your love life, I have to get embarrassed.

No,

I don't know about this. Why not?

Well, it just feels weird.

Why? You've been making a job as well, haven't you? Yes, but not because I've

had beers.

Apparently, reasonably.

Oh.

Oh, well.

There you go. That's enough. Let me cut the trousers on again now.

I'm not going to show you what to do with it.

What do I do with it?

How are you touching it?

Well, you're not doing bad at the moment, actually.

How am I

doing?

What am I going to do?

It's good.

Yeah, it's nice.

Does it look amazing?

Yes, it does.

It looks quite good down here.

I'm looking almost there, but not looking at all.

Oh, you're... It's very good.

Yeah, you're doing very well with the balls, you'll find that.

What do you think then of your...

Your first time touching a penis?

Oh, it looks amazing.

It's so little dick.

I hope John's got as big as yours.

I'm rather happy it's not.

You have to tell him it's big, whether it is or not, because men like that.

I never imagined myself in this position with you.

I really appreciate you helping me out. Oh yes, it's my pleasure. I like to be

of help.