Original subtitles

Welcome ladies AND GENTLEMEN TO THE

Welcome ladies AND GENTLEMEN TO THE

Welcome ladies AND GENTLEMEN TO THE DAILY SHOW. MY NAME IS JOHN STEWART.

DAILY SHOW. MY NAME IS JOHN STEWART.

DAILY SHOW. MY NAME IS JOHN STEWART. MAN, do we got a show for you tonight.

MAN, do we got a show for you tonight.

MAN, do we got a show for you tonight. Civil liberties attorney Janine Ununice

Civil liberties attorney Janine Ununice

Civil liberties attorney Janine Ununice will be here later. Civil liberties

will be here later. Civil liberties

will be here later. Civil liberties WE'RE GOING TO BE TALKING ABOUT.

WE'RE GOING TO BE TALKING ABOUT.

WE'RE GOING TO BE TALKING ABOUT. They don't care. They don't care.

They don't care. They don't care.

They don't care. They don't care. Or we'll talk about whatever the

Or we'll talk about whatever the

Or we'll talk about whatever the government deems appropriate. I really

government deems appropriate. I really

government deems appropriate. I really uh you know, I'm trying to keep myself

uh you know, I'm trying to keep myself

uh you know, I'm trying to keep myself spirited here. How How was How was your

spirited here. How How was How was your

spirited here. How How was How was your weekend? Was it good?

weekend? Was it good?

weekend? Was it good? >> Yeah. Yeah. How was your weekend? Yeah.

>> Yeah. Yeah. How was your weekend? Yeah.

>> Yeah. Yeah. How was your weekend? Yeah. What the

What the

What the IS HAPPENING? What

IS HAPPENING? What

IS HAPPENING? What the

the

the is happening in this country? From

is happening in this country? From

is happening in this country? From Minnesota

Minnesota

Minnesota to Venezuela

to Venezuela

to Venezuela to Iran to Greenland, Cuba, Mexico,

to Iran to Greenland, Cuba, Mexico,

to Iran to Greenland, Cuba, Mexico, Colombia to to Philadelphia.

Oh. Well, oh, I'm sorry. Not all the

Oh. Well, oh, I'm sorry. Not all the

Oh. Well, oh, I'm sorry. Not all the news was bad.

>> Why is the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED

>> Why is the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED

>> Why is the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES DECLARING ON Wikipedia

STATES DECLARING ON Wikipedia

STATES DECLARING ON Wikipedia that he IS NOW THE PRESIDENT OF

that he IS NOW THE PRESIDENT OF

that he IS NOW THE PRESIDENT OF VENEZUELA?

VENEZUELA?

VENEZUELA? That's real. Why is our Fed chairman

That's real. Why is our Fed chairman

That's real. Why is our Fed chairman making what appears to be a hostage

making what appears to be a hostage

making what appears to be a hostage video?

How the DID STEAK BECOME THE

How the DID STEAK BECOME THE

How the DID STEAK BECOME THE healthiest food in the country?

healthiest food in the country?

healthiest food in the country? What is happening? We are on the Donald

What is happening? We are on the Donald

What is happening? We are on the Donald Trump gravitron.

Trump gravitron.

Trump gravitron. We don't know what up or down is. We

We don't know what up or down is. We

We don't know what up or down is. We just know it feels like we're all going

just know it feels like we're all going

just know it feels like we're all going to vomit.

to vomit.

to vomit. Each moment brings another event with

Each moment brings another event with

Each moment brings another event with cataclysmic implications and

cataclysmic implications and

cataclysmic implications and consequences. And the guy at the center

consequences. And the guy at the center

consequences. And the guy at the center of it, the instigator, the catalyst of

of it, the instigator, the catalyst of

of it, the instigator, the catalyst of all this chaos and confusion, he's just

all this chaos and confusion, he's just

all this chaos and confusion, he's just out there TGIFing it. Oh, hey. What's up

out there TGIFing it. Oh, hey. What's up

out there TGIFing it. Oh, hey. What's up everybody? Hey, see you soon. Not if I

everybody? Hey, see you soon. Not if I

everybody? Hey, see you soon. Not if I see you first. Boom. Boom. Boom.

see you first. Boom. Boom. Boom.

see you first. Boom. Boom. Boom. Just look at Venezuela. We took it over.

Just look at Venezuela. We took it over.

Just look at Venezuela. We took it over. What? 3 days ago, 4 days ago, 5 days

What? 3 days ago, 4 days ago, 5 days

What? 3 days ago, 4 days ago, 5 days ago, I don't remember. Meanwhile, our

ago, I don't remember. Meanwhile, our

ago, I don't remember. Meanwhile, our State Department says if you're an

State Department says if you're an

State Department says if you're an American, there are armed gangs in

American, there are armed gangs in

American, there are armed gangs in Venezuela trying to kill you. So, you

Venezuela trying to kill you. So, you

Venezuela trying to kill you. So, you would think that maybe this calls for a

would think that maybe this calls for a

would think that maybe this calls for a little gathering in the situation tent

little gathering in the situation tent

little gathering in the situation tent or wherever is operationally uh uh right

or wherever is operationally uh uh right

or wherever is operationally uh uh right uh for talking about Venezuela right

uh for talking about Venezuela right

uh for talking about Venezuela right now. But the president had a different

now. But the president had a different

now. But the president had a different idea.

idea.

idea. >> President Trump convening top oil

>> President Trump convening top oil

>> President Trump convening top oil executives at the White House to talk

executives at the White House to talk

executives at the White House to talk about diving up Venezuela's oil.

about diving up Venezuela's oil.

about diving up Venezuela's oil. >> What the's happening? He has a meeting

>> What the's happening? He has a meeting

>> What the's happening? He has a meeting of all of the most important

of all of the most important

of all of the most important stakeholders. Exxon, Chevron,

stakeholders. Exxon, Chevron,

stakeholders. Exxon, Chevron, Hallebertton, and of course the guy from

Hallebertton, and of course the guy from

Hallebertton, and of course the guy from Dune who lives in the oil bar.

By the way, I I think you can tell I I

By the way, I I think you can tell I I

By the way, I I think you can tell I I don't use that treatment.

And by the way, lest you worry that

And by the way, lest you worry that

And by the way, lest you worry that Donald Trump is in any way feeling the

Donald Trump is in any way feeling the

Donald Trump is in any way feeling the burden of this moment, the terrifying

burden of this moment, the terrifying

burden of this moment, the terrifying responsibility of so many lives held in

responsibility of so many lives held in

responsibility of so many lives held in his hands. Let me reassure you, he's

his hands. Let me reassure you, he's

his hands. Let me reassure you, he's fine.

fine.

fine. >> Here we are. And if you in fact if you

>> Here we are. And if you in fact if you

>> Here we are. And if you in fact if you look come to think of it well

look come to think of it well

look come to think of it well I got to look at this myself.

Sir,

Sir,

Sir, and we're trying to have an urgent

and we're trying to have an urgent

and we're trying to have an urgent meeting on possibly the collapse of a

meeting on possibly the collapse of a

meeting on possibly the collapse of a pro state.

pro state.

pro state. You just got to walk over the window and

You just got to walk over the window and

You just got to walk over the window and look at look at Rubio and Vance. Look at

look at look at Rubio and Vance. Look at

look at look at Rubio and Vance. Look at look at the faces on Heckle and Jackekal

look at the faces on Heckle and Jackekal

look at the faces on Heckle and Jackekal over there.

over there.

over there. Just look at him smiling like, "Oh,

Just look at him smiling like, "Oh,

Just look at him smiling like, "Oh, Pawpaw.

He's so cute. You should see him when

He's so cute. You should see him when

He's so cute. You should see him when the ice cream truck goes by."

the ice cream truck goes by."

the ice cream truck goes by." >> Wow.

>> Wow.

>> Wow. >> What a what a view. This is the door to

>> What a what a view. This is the door to

>> What a what a view. This is the door to the ballroom.

>> Well, what did you have?

>> Really? This this meeting is the moment

>> Really? This this meeting is the moment

>> Really? This this meeting is the moment for your funny ballroom. Act them out.

for your funny ballroom. Act them out.

for your funny ballroom. Act them out. Armed gangs are roaming freely through

Armed gangs are roaming freely through

Armed gangs are roaming freely through both of the countries you say you run

both of the countries you say you run

both of the countries you say you run right now. But go ahead, take a moment

right now. But go ahead, take a moment

right now. But go ahead, take a moment to look at what might be through the

to look at what might be through the

to look at what might be through the window. You're like the Walt Disney of

window. You're like the Walt Disney of

window. You're like the Walt Disney of chaos.

chaos.

chaos. All it takes is imagination.

All it takes is imagination.

All it takes is imagination. And by the way, if you're getting up and

And by the way, if you're getting up and

And by the way, if you're getting up and walking to the window and you don't

walking to the window and you don't

walking to the window and you don't think that's enough of a daughtering old

think that's enough of a daughtering old

think that's enough of a daughtering old man move, old can old cankles McGee had

man move, old can old cankles McGee had

man move, old can old cankles McGee had one more chewable Tums up his sleeve.

one more chewable Tums up his sleeve.

one more chewable Tums up his sleeve. >> You're all going to do very well. I

>> You're all going to do very well. I

>> You're all going to do very well. I think really very well. Marco just gave

think really very well. Marco just gave

think really very well. Marco just gave me a note. Go back to Chevron.

me a note. Go back to Chevron.

me a note. Go back to Chevron. They want to discuss something. Go

They want to discuss something. Go

They want to discuss something. Go ahead. I'm going back to Chevron Mark.

ahead. I'm going back to Chevron Mark.

ahead. I'm going back to Chevron Mark. Thank you, Marco.

Does anyone ELSE HAVE A PRIVATE NOTE

Does anyone ELSE HAVE A PRIVATE NOTE

Does anyone ELSE HAVE A PRIVATE NOTE THEY'D LIKE ME TO READ ALOUD?

THEY'D LIKE ME TO READ ALOUD?

THEY'D LIKE ME TO READ ALOUD? ANYBODY?

ANYBODY?

ANYBODY? NOW, by the way, there was an oil

NOW, by the way, there was an oil

NOW, by the way, there was an oil company, Exxon, that expressed some

company, Exxon, that expressed some

company, Exxon, that expressed some reservations about investing money in

reservations about investing money in

reservations about investing money in rebuilding the infrastructure of a

rebuilding the infrastructure of a

rebuilding the infrastructure of a country that is uh, and I quote, not

country that is uh, and I quote, not

country that is uh, and I quote, not ours

ours

ours and is somewhat volatile at the moment.

and is somewhat volatile at the moment.

and is somewhat volatile at the moment. How did the president handle this

How did the president handle this

How did the president handle this somewhat rational costbenefit analysis?

somewhat rational costbenefit analysis?

somewhat rational costbenefit analysis? >> I'd probably be inclined to keep Exxon

>> I'd probably be inclined to keep Exxon

>> I'd probably be inclined to keep Exxon out. I didn't like their response.

out. I didn't like their response.

out. I didn't like their response. They're they're playing too cute.

They're they're playing too cute.

They're they're playing too cute. >> They're playing too cute. You just made

>> They're playing too cute. You just made

>> They're playing too cute. You just made yourself the president of Venezuela on

yourself the president of Venezuela on

yourself the president of Venezuela on Wikipedia, but they're the ones that are

Wikipedia, but they're the ones that are

Wikipedia, but they're the ones that are being glib. Do you see how up everything

being glib. Do you see how up everything

being glib. Do you see how up everything is right now? First of all, I have to

is right now? First of all, I have to

is right now? First of all, I have to offend the good faith of an oil company

offend the good faith of an oil company

offend the good faith of an oil company because they don't think they can safely

because they don't think they can safely

because they don't think they can safely extract another country's resources in

extract another country's resources in

extract another country's resources in as costeffective a manner as might

as costeffective a manner as might

as costeffective a manner as might benefit their shareholders. Who am I

benefit their shareholders. Who am I

benefit their shareholders. Who am I anymore?

And by the way, Donald, why are you the

And by the way, Donald, why are you the

And by the way, Donald, why are you the president of Venezuela?

president of Venezuela?

president of Venezuela? Doesn't your oath of office to America

Doesn't your oath of office to America

Doesn't your oath of office to America have a non-compete? What are we doing?

have a non-compete? What are we doing?

have a non-compete? What are we doing? What are you just trying to pick up a

What are you just trying to pick up a

What are you just trying to pick up a few extra hours? What? The holidays hit

few extra hours? What? The holidays hit

few extra hours? What? The holidays hit you hard?

you hard?

you hard? I just need a little couple extra bucks

I just need a little couple extra bucks

I just need a little couple extra bucks until like February, March. That

until like February, March. That

until like February, March. That ballroom's not going to pay for itself.

ballroom's not going to pay for itself.

ballroom's not going to pay for itself. Meanwhile, in Iran, protesters have

Meanwhile, in Iran, protesters have

Meanwhile, in Iran, protesters have taken to the streets tired of the

taken to the streets tired of the

taken to the streets tired of the totalitarian rule of the mullers and

totalitarian rule of the mullers and

totalitarian rule of the mullers and have been gunned down in the streets.

have been gunned down in the streets.

have been gunned down in the streets. Protests and violence have broken out

Protests and violence have broken out

Protests and violence have broken out throughout that country. It is chaotic

throughout that country. It is chaotic

throughout that country. It is chaotic and fragile. So, guess who's THINKING

and fragile. So, guess who's THINKING

and fragile. So, guess who's THINKING ABOUT STEPPING RIGHT IN? THAT'S RIGHT.

ABOUT STEPPING RIGHT IN? THAT'S RIGHT.

ABOUT STEPPING RIGHT IN? THAT'S RIGHT. The president OF VENEZUELA.

The president OF VENEZUELA.

The president OF VENEZUELA. >> I HAVE OPTIONS that are so strong. So, I

>> I HAVE OPTIONS that are so strong. So, I

>> I HAVE OPTIONS that are so strong. So, I mean, if they did that, it'll be met

mean, if they did that, it'll be met

mean, if they did that, it'll be met with a very, very powerful force. I have

with a very, very powerful force. I have

with a very, very powerful force. I have options. Did you hear what he I have

options. Did you hear what he I have

options. Did you hear what he I have options? Not Congress, not the American

options? Not Congress, not the American

options? Not Congress, not the American people. I

people. I

people. I apparently Trump is the sole factor in

apparently Trump is the sole factor in

apparently Trump is the sole factor in all decisions everywhere throughout the

all decisions everywhere throughout the

all decisions everywhere throughout the world. Now, he just wants to take a

world. Now, he just wants to take a

world. Now, he just wants to take a little more time staring out the window

little more time staring out the window

little more time staring out the window before he lets us know what fresh hell

before he lets us know what fresh hell

before he lets us know what fresh hell he will unleash next. And the most

he will unleash next. And the most

he will unleash next. And the most confusing thing about his reason for

confusing thing about his reason for

confusing thing about his reason for intervening in Iran is his reason.

intervening in Iran is his reason.

intervening in Iran is his reason. >> President Trump has warned of striking

>> President Trump has warned of striking

>> President Trump has warned of striking Iran if the regime kills protesters.

Iran if the regime kills protesters.

Iran if the regime kills protesters. >> There seem to be some people killed that

>> There seem to be some people killed that

>> There seem to be some people killed that aren't supposed to be killed.

We may have to bomb Iran to prevent

We may have to bomb Iran to prevent

We may have to bomb Iran to prevent Iran's government from shooting

Iran's government from shooting

Iran's government from shooting protesters.

protesters.

protesters. Look directly into camera with an

Look directly into camera with an

Look directly into camera with an expression of half bewilderment and

expression of half bewilderment and

expression of half bewilderment and despair. P.S. John. Don't read this

despair. P.S. John. Don't read this

despair. P.S. John. Don't read this part.

And if that's not enough, in the middle

And if that's not enough, in the middle

And if that's not enough, in the middle of all this, we are going to do

of all this, we are going to do

of all this, we are going to do something on Greenland, whether they

something on Greenland, whether they

something on Greenland, whether they like it or not. I would like to make a

like it or not. I would like to make a

like it or not. I would like to make a deal, you know, the easy way. But if we

deal, you know, the easy way. But if we

deal, you know, the easy way. But if we don't do it the easy way, we're going to

don't do it the easy way, we're going to

don't do it the easy way, we're going to do it the hard way. The it's

do it the hard way. The it's

do it the hard way. The it's Greenland.

Greenland.

Greenland. BASED ON MY KNOWLEDGE, EVERYTHING THERE

BASED ON MY KNOWLEDGE, EVERYTHING THERE

BASED ON MY KNOWLEDGE, EVERYTHING THERE IS DONE THE HARD WAY.

IS DONE THE HARD WAY.

IS DONE THE HARD WAY. YOU KNOW, WHEN you order food in

YOU KNOW, WHEN you order food in

YOU KNOW, WHEN you order food in Greenland, Uber Eatats takes eight days.

Greenland, Uber Eatats takes eight days.

Greenland, Uber Eatats takes eight days. And they don't deliver over fjords.

And they don't deliver over fjords.

And they don't deliver over fjords. So, the point is, people, don't fill up

So, the point is, people, don't fill up

So, the point is, people, don't fill up on Iran and Venezuela and Minneapolis.

on Iran and Venezuela and Minneapolis.

on Iran and Venezuela and Minneapolis. You got to save room for this other

You got to save room for this other

You got to save room for this other invasion. It's like a WHOLE MUKBANG OF

invasion. It's like a WHOLE MUKBANG OF

invasion. It's like a WHOLE MUKBANG OF CATASTROPHIC POSSIBILITIES. It's

CATASTROPHIC POSSIBILITIES. It's

CATASTROPHIC POSSIBILITIES. It's exhausting. This is all just one

exhausting. This is all just one

exhausting. This is all just one weekend. And why do we even need

weekend. And why do we even need

weekend. And why do we even need Greenland?

Greenland?

Greenland? >> We need Greenland very badly. WHY?

>> We need Greenland very badly. WHY?

>> We need Greenland very badly. WHY? And why do we suddenly need all of

And why do we suddenly need all of

And why do we suddenly need all of Venezuela's oil and whatever is buried

Venezuela's oil and whatever is buried

Venezuela's oil and whatever is buried under Greenland? What is Can I ask a

under Greenland? What is Can I ask a

under Greenland? What is Can I ask a question?

Are we broke?

Is that why we have to do all this?

Is that why we have to do all this?

Is that why we have to do all this? Did you lose your job?

Did you lose your job?

Did you lose your job? Did you somehow Trump casino the United

Did you somehow Trump casino the United

Did you somehow Trump casino the United States? Cuz

States? Cuz

States? Cuz if the country needs money, we can all

if the country needs money, we can all

if the country needs money, we can all get second jobs. We'll all be presidents

get second jobs. We'll all be presidents

get second jobs. We'll all be presidents somewhere. If Wikipedia will have us,

I don't why do we have to take over

I don't why do we have to take over

I don't why do we have to take over Greenland?

Greenland?

Greenland? >> If we don't do it, Russia or China will

>> If we don't do it, Russia or China will

>> If we don't do it, Russia or China will take over Greenland. And we're not going

take over Greenland. And we're not going

take over Greenland. And we're not going to have Russia or China as a neighbor.

We're already

We're already

We're already Russia's already our ne This is where

Russia's already our ne This is where

Russia's already our ne This is where Greenland is. Russia's closer. Unless in

Greenland is. Russia's closer. Unless in

Greenland is. Russia's closer. Unless in your mind you think Alaska lives in a

your mind you think Alaska lives in a

your mind you think Alaska lives in a BOX NEXT TO HAWAII.

NO, NO, NO. I GET IT. I GET IT. I GET

NO, NO, NO. I GET IT. I GET IT. I GET

NO, NO, NO. I GET IT. I GET IT. I GET IT. WE WE DON'T want Russia or China to

IT. WE WE DON'T want Russia or China to

IT. WE WE DON'T want Russia or China to take over Greenland. Oh, you know what

take over Greenland. Oh, you know what

take over Greenland. Oh, you know what we could do to deter it? Not through

we could do to deter it? Not through

we could do to deter it? Not through arrogance or conquest, but what if we

arrogance or conquest, but what if we

arrogance or conquest, but what if we formed like kind of an alliance with

formed like kind of an alliance with

formed like kind of an alliance with Denmark and Greenland?

Denmark and Greenland?

Denmark and Greenland? We could include all the North Atlantic

We could include all the North Atlantic

We could include all the North Atlantic nations.

nations.

nations. What What would we call this?

What What would we call this?

What What would we call this? like like almost like a North Atlantic

like like almost like a North Atlantic

like like almost like a North Atlantic treaty organization

treaty organization

treaty organization that we I don't know what we could I

that we I don't know what we could I

that we I don't know what we could I guess we'll never know.

guess we'll never know.

guess we'll never know. But again, since we all now dance to the

But again, since we all now dance to the

But again, since we all now dance to the tune of one piper, what possible

tune of one piper, what possible

tune of one piper, what possible justifications could you have for just

justifications could you have for just

justifications could you have for just taking someone else's land? And please,

taking someone else's land? And please,

taking someone else's land? And please, if you would irony proof your answer.

if you would irony proof your answer.

if you would irony proof your answer. I'm a fan of Denmark, but you know, the

I'm a fan of Denmark, but you know, the

I'm a fan of Denmark, but you know, the fact that they had a boat land there 500

fact that they had a boat land there 500

fact that they had a boat land there 500 years ago doesn't mean that they own the

years ago doesn't mean that they own the

years ago doesn't mean that they own the land.

Can someone pass him a note?

How do you think we got our land?

How do you think we got our land?

How do you think we got our land? We landed HERE ON A BOAT 500

We landed HERE ON A BOAT 500

We landed HERE ON A BOAT 500 YEARS AGO AND IT WAS OURS. And you're

YEARS AGO AND IT WAS OURS. And you're

YEARS AGO AND IT WAS OURS. And you're out there. Hey, Denmark doesn't own it

out there. Hey, Denmark doesn't own it

out there. Hey, Denmark doesn't own it because they landed on it 500 years ago.

because they landed on it 500 years ago.

because they landed on it 500 years ago. That's like the argument you make when

That's like the argument you make when

That's like the argument you make when you want to give land back to the people

you want to give land back to the people

you want to give land back to the people who were already there. Not for you to

who were already there. Not for you to

who were already there. Not for you to then take it because you've got a bigger

then take it because you've got a bigger

then take it because you've got a bigger boat. You're doing some weird reverse

boat. You're doing some weird reverse

boat. You're doing some weird reverse woke land acknowledgement.

woke land acknowledgement.

woke land acknowledgement. I would like to acknowledge that

I would like to acknowledge that

I would like to acknowledge that Greenland sits on colonized and

Greenland sits on colonized and

Greenland sits on colonized and conquered indigenous people's land. And

conquered indigenous people's land. And

conquered indigenous people's land. And I would also like to say dibs.

I

I

I Why am I even trying, by the way? Why do

Why am I even trying, by the way? Why do

Why am I even trying, by the way? Why do I even care to figure this out? It's not

I even care to figure this out? It's not

I even care to figure this out? It's not like anyone on your side ever takes the

like anyone on your side ever takes the

like anyone on your side ever takes the effort to convince all of us on uh the

effort to convince all of us on uh the

effort to convince all of us on uh the United States long-term policy goals. It

United States long-term policy goals. It

United States long-term policy goals. It all just appears to be like a lazy susan

all just appears to be like a lazy susan

all just appears to be like a lazy susan of vengeful whims from our all powerful

of vengeful whims from our all powerful

of vengeful whims from our all powerful mad king.

mad king.

mad king. Did you know Trump doesn't like Federal

Did you know Trump doesn't like Federal

Did you know Trump doesn't like Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell? Because

Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell? Because

Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell? Because Trump wants to be able to dictate our

Trump wants to be able to dictate our

Trump wants to be able to dictate our country's interest rates himself. Now

country's interest rates himself. Now

country's interest rates himself. Now this poor Jerome Powell.

this poor Jerome Powell.

this poor Jerome Powell. Now you got him looking like he's

Now you got him looking like he's

Now you got him looking like he's broadcasting from Taliban territory.

broadcasting from Taliban territory.

broadcasting from Taliban territory. >> The Department of Justice served the

>> The Department of Justice served the

>> The Department of Justice served the Federal Reserve with grand jury

Federal Reserve with grand jury

Federal Reserve with grand jury subpoenas, threatening a criminal

subpoenas, threatening a criminal

subpoenas, threatening a criminal indictment related to my testimony

indictment related to my testimony

indictment related to my testimony before the Senate Banking Committee last

before the Senate Banking Committee last

before the Senate Banking Committee last June.

June.

June. That testimony concerned in part a

That testimony concerned in part a

That testimony concerned in part a multi-year project to renovate historic

multi-year project to renovate historic

multi-year project to renovate historic Federal Reserve office buildings.

Can someone get this mother a glass of

Can someone get this mother a glass of

Can someone get this mother a glass of water?

And by the way, I don't feel good about

And by the way, I don't feel good about

And by the way, I don't feel good about this next joke, but I'm about to do it.

It's It's not It's not politically

It's It's not It's not politically

It's It's not It's not politically incorrect. It's just inside finance. So,

incorrect. It's just inside finance. So,

incorrect. It's just inside finance. So, anyone who doesn't listen to Bloomberg

anyone who doesn't listen to Bloomberg

anyone who doesn't listen to Bloomberg surveillance in the morning, you can

surveillance in the morning, you can

surveillance in the morning, you can just leave the room. I'll wait. Okay.

just leave the room. I'll wait. Okay.

just leave the room. I'll wait. Okay. Wow,

Wow,

Wow, that dude, he's struggling. It appears

that dude, he's struggling. It appears

that dude, he's struggling. It appears the chairman of the Federal Reserve is

the chairman of the Federal Reserve is

the chairman of the Federal Reserve is having a liquidity crisis.

That's going to kill at the terminals.

I'm going to remind you all of this is

I'm going to remind you all of this is

I'm going to remind you all of this is happening in one weekend. All of it. One

happening in one weekend. All of it. One

happening in one weekend. All of it. One weekend. This president has made

weekend. This president has made

weekend. This president has made monumental changes to the manner in

monumental changes to the manner in

monumental changes to the manner in which this country operates. And the

which this country operates. And the

which this country operates. And the American people are rightfully feeling a

American people are rightfully feeling a

American people are rightfully feeling a vertigo about how a country born on

vertigo about how a country born on

vertigo about how a country born on self-determination and constitutional

self-determination and constitutional

self-determination and constitutional republic principles can turn into

republic principles can turn into

republic principles can turn into whatever you say boss sounds like a good

whatever you say boss sounds like a good

whatever you say boss sounds like a good idea boss.

idea boss.

idea boss. >> So I think the American people

>> So I think the American people

>> So I think the American people reasonably have questions. But when the

reasonably have questions. But when the

reasonably have questions. But when the American people raise those questions

American people raise those questions

American people raise those questions >> I think takes her seriously.

>> I think takes her seriously.

>> I think takes her seriously. >> What a stupid question. Are you stupid?

>> What a stupid question. Are you stupid?

>> What a stupid question. Are you stupid? Are you a stupid person? It's a stupid

Are you a stupid person? It's a stupid

Are you a stupid person? It's a stupid question. Just a terrible question. You

question. Just a terrible question. You

question. Just a terrible question. You are a terrible reporter. You're a

are a terrible reporter. You're a

are a terrible reporter. You're a terrible person and a terrible reporter.

terrible person and a terrible reporter.

terrible person and a terrible reporter. >> People have nothing about nothing. You

>> People have nothing about nothing. You

>> People have nothing about nothing. You fake news.

>> How dare we? How dare we? How dare we

>> How dare we? How dare we? How dare we

>> How dare we? How dare we? How dare we question his excellency?

question his excellency?

question his excellency? I don't know what we were thinking. You

I don't know what we were thinking. You

I don't know what we were thinking. You know what? I'm so We owe you an apology,

know what? I'm so We owe you an apology,

know what? I'm so We owe you an apology, sir.

Mr. Mr. President, sir,

Mr. Mr. President, sir,

Mr. Mr. President, sir, we are so deeply sorry to have

we are so deeply sorry to have

we are so deeply sorry to have questioned your singular and delicate

questioned your singular and delicate

questioned your singular and delicate genius.

genius.

genius. It's just that this is a kind of an

It's just that this is a kind of an

It's just that this is a kind of an adjustment for us because we've all been

adjustment for us because we've all been

adjustment for us because we've all been raised in the American system of

raised in the American system of

raised in the American system of government.

government.

government. I'm not going to get into the weeds with

I'm not going to get into the weeds with

I'm not going to get into the weeds with it. Three co-equal branches of

it. Three co-equal branches of

it. Three co-equal branches of government, checks and balances,

government, checks and balances,

government, checks and balances, something about quartering soldiers. I

something about quartering soldiers. I

something about quartering soldiers. I think it's quartering. It's in cursive.

think it's quartering. It's in cursive.

think it's quartering. It's in cursive. The Q could be a P or an S. The point is

The Q could be a P or an S. The point is

The Q could be a P or an S. The point is this.

this.

this. That's what we've been operating under

That's what we've been operating under

That's what we've been operating under for the last 250 years. If you want to

for the last 250 years. If you want to

for the last 250 years. If you want to learn about it, President Trump, you can

learn about it, President Trump, you can

learn about it, President Trump, you can ask all your acolytes. They say they

ask all your acolytes. They say they

ask all your acolytes. They say they keep it in their pockets. I guess it's

keep it in their pockets. I guess it's

keep it in their pockets. I guess it's kind of a relic. So, just have to give

kind of a relic. So, just have to give

kind of a relic. So, just have to give us some time to adjust to this new world

us some time to adjust to this new world

us some time to adjust to this new world of total compliance so we can understand

of total compliance so we can understand

of total compliance so we can understand the rules because, you know, it's

the rules because, you know, it's

the rules because, you know, it's confusing. Like for instance, we all

confusing. Like for instance, we all

confusing. Like for instance, we all watched the footage of January 6th, but

watched the footage of January 6th, but

watched the footage of January 6th, but I think we may have gotten a very

I think we may have gotten a very

I think we may have gotten a very different interpretation of it rather

different interpretation of it rather

different interpretation of it rather than the correct interpretation of it,

than the correct interpretation of it,

than the correct interpretation of it, which of course is yours. So, help me

which of course is yours. So, help me

which of course is yours. So, help me out here. We'll play a game. On January

out here. We'll play a game. On January

out here. We'll play a game. On January 6th, a bunch of

6th, a bunch of

6th, a bunch of >> They were peaceful people. These were

>> They were peaceful people. These were

>> They were peaceful people. These were great people

great people

great people >> went to the Capitol peacefully

>> went to the Capitol peacefully

>> went to the Capitol peacefully protesting a stolen election. I have

protesting a stolen election. I have

protesting a stolen election. I have never seen

never seen

never seen such spirit and such passion and such

such spirit and such passion and such

such spirit and such passion and such love.

But while they were there,

But while they were there,

But while they were there, >> Capitol Hill police officers instigated

>> Capitol Hill police officers instigated

>> Capitol Hill police officers instigated the violence that day.

the violence that day.

the violence that day. >> So the people we saw earlier beating the

>> So the people we saw earlier beating the

>> So the people we saw earlier beating the out of police officers were

out of police officers were

out of police officers were hardworking, loving people provoked by

hardworking, loving people provoked by

hardworking, loving people provoked by law enforcement. And ultimately they

law enforcement. And ultimately they

law enforcement. And ultimately they deserve a

deserve a

deserve a >> full pardon.

>> full pardon.

>> full pardon. >> Got it. don't agree that's what actually

>> Got it. don't agree that's what actually

>> Got it. don't agree that's what actually happened or what should have happened

happened or what should have happened

happened or what should have happened afterwards, but at least it sets a

afterwards, but at least it sets a

afterwards, but at least it sets a precedent. But now, let's jump ahead. I

precedent. But now, let's jump ahead. I

precedent. But now, let's jump ahead. I don't know, a day to January 7th. We've

don't know, a day to January 7th. We've

don't know, a day to January 7th. We've all seen that footage. I think I know

all seen that footage. I think I know

all seen that footage. I think I know what I saw that day, too. But let's go

what I saw that day, too. But let's go

what I saw that day, too. But let's go through it again with the correct

through it again with the correct

through it again with the correct interpretation.

interpretation.

interpretation. On January 7th, a

On January 7th, a

On January 7th, a >> highly disrespectful,

>> highly disrespectful,

>> highly disrespectful, >> deranged lunatic woman,

>> deranged lunatic woman,

>> deranged lunatic woman, >> professional ICE agitator,

>> professional ICE agitator,

>> professional ICE agitator, >> domestic terrorist,

>> domestic terrorist,

>> domestic terrorist, >> did what? This woman used her car as a

>> did what? This woman used her car as a

>> did what? This woman used her car as a weapon and tried to run over an ICE

weapon and tried to run over an ICE

weapon and tried to run over an ICE agent

agent

agent >> in attempted murder.

>> in attempted murder.

>> in attempted murder. >> And so she was

>> And so she was

>> And so she was >> shot and killed.

>> shot and killed.

>> shot and killed. >> So while very little of the descriptions

>> So while very little of the descriptions

>> So while very little of the descriptions that you were saying matched what we all

that you were saying matched what we all

that you were saying matched what we all saw on the tape, the important lesson

saw on the tape, the important lesson

saw on the tape, the important lesson here is what?

here is what?

here is what? >> She brought it upon herself.

>> Mother,

>> Mother,

>> Mother, we are in a confusing dark place. And

we are in a confusing dark place. And

we are in a confusing dark place. And this is where quite frankly rule of law

this is where quite frankly rule of law

this is where quite frankly rule of law and institutions are kind of an

and institutions are kind of an

and institutions are kind of an important framework. But now that those

important framework. But now that those

important framework. But now that those are gone,

are gone,

are gone, what's our north star?

what's our north star?

what's our north star? >> Do you see any checks on your power on

>> Do you see any checks on your power on

>> Do you see any checks on your power on the world stage? Is there anything that

the world stage? Is there anything that

the world stage? Is there anything that could stop you if you wanted to?

could stop you if you wanted to?

could stop you if you wanted to? >> Yeah, there's one thing. My own

>> Yeah, there's one thing. My own

>> Yeah, there's one thing. My own morality,

morality,

morality, my own mind.

my own mind.

my own mind. >> So nothing.

>> So nothing.

>> So nothing. But thank you. I'm no longer confused.

But thank you. I'm no longer confused.

But thank you. I'm no longer confused. Couldn't be more clear. In America

Couldn't be more clear. In America

Couldn't be more clear. In America today, Donald Trump is the son. And if

today, Donald Trump is the son. And if

today, Donald Trump is the son. And if you revolve around him and worship him,

you revolve around him and worship him,

you revolve around him and worship him, his warmth shines upon you. You could

his warmth shines upon you. You could

his warmth shines upon you. You could shoot someone on Fifth Avenue and not

shoot someone on Fifth Avenue and not

shoot someone on Fifth Avenue and not lose his support as long as it's done on

lose his support as long as it's done on

lose his support as long as it's done on his behalf. But if you do not support

his behalf. But if you do not support

his behalf. But if you do not support him, if you live in the darkness of what

him, if you live in the darkness of what

him, if you live in the darkness of what I guess we will refer to from now on as

I guess we will refer to from now on as

I guess we will refer to from now on as blue states,

blue states,

blue states, fearing the day he turns his terrible

fearing the day he turns his terrible

fearing the day he turns his terrible wrath towards you, whether you're a

wrath towards you, whether you're a

wrath towards you, whether you're a single human woman on a side street

single human woman on a side street

single human woman on a side street somewhere in Minneapolis or a sovereign

somewhere in Minneapolis or a sovereign

somewhere in Minneapolis or a sovereign nation that happens to have land and

nation that happens to have land and

nation that happens to have land and resources that we, a larger sovereign

resources that we, a larger sovereign

resources that we, a larger sovereign nation, think we also might want.

nation, think we also might want.

nation, think we also might want. And so his people are making a bet that

And so his people are making a bet that

And so his people are making a bet that adhering to a principle of forced

adhering to a principle of forced

adhering to a principle of forced compliance and coercion will give us a

compliance and coercion will give us a

compliance and coercion will give us a more stable and prosperous America than

more stable and prosperous America than

more stable and prosperous America than a principle of shared alliance and

a principle of shared alliance and

a principle of shared alliance and common interest. It's kind of a tough

common interest. It's kind of a tough

common interest. It's kind of a tough bet because uh I read somewhere, I don't

bet because uh I read somewhere, I don't

bet because uh I read somewhere, I don't know where, that people have inalienable

know where, that people have inalienable

know where, that people have inalienable rights granted by a creator, not a king.

rights granted by a creator, not a king.

rights granted by a creator, not a king. So holding that coerced world together

So holding that coerced world together

So holding that coerced world together is going to be kind of a tall task.

is going to be kind of a tall task.

is going to be kind of a tall task. But if anybody's up for it, it's Donald

But if anybody's up for it, it's Donald

But if anybody's up for it, it's Donald Trump. A man with unrivaled focus and

Trump. A man with unrivaled focus and

Trump. A man with unrivaled focus and discipline. Actually, you know what?

discipline. Actually, you know what?

discipline. Actually, you know what? Could you give me a second? I'm just,

Could you give me a second? I'm just,

Could you give me a second? I'm just, you know, I'm so curious. I just want to

you know, I'm so curious. I just want to

you know, I'm so curious. I just want to just want to go and see