Original subtitles

He has double horns. Just like his father.

Hail Satan. Hail Satan.

Who's his father? I kind of made a deal. You're totally going to laugh. So,

remember when my career went bad. I think I am the father.

Honestly,

I'm freaking out as much as you. These loonies got me in a bad way. They drug

me, cast an invocation spell.

These satanic sects are absolutely nut balls. The satanic temple is fine. It's

the others that are full on loony. We did what we must to bring forth the

Antichrist. Hail Satan. If you say hail Satan one more time, I swear to God.

Hail Satan.

I warned her. You all saw me. I warned her. That one's going to hell.

Pardon me, Mr. Satan. Did you say the Antichrist?

I did. This little guy is actually destined to destroy humanity.

But when?

On the day he comes of diabolical age.

Approximately 666 months.

Completely understand if you don't want to take care of him. He's basically a

monster in mortal flesh.

Oh, sweetheart.

Mommy's here. I love you, my darling.

A mother must be a mother.

This really is a happy birthday. And everybody came.

There's my mom, Rose.

My little hellspawn is growing up. And you, Dad?

Technically, although not biologically, since I gave your mother to a demonic

sect to be impregnated by the devil himself in exchange for a successful

career, which I never got. The therapist says it's good to say these sorts of

things out loud.

And, of course, my real dad, Satan. My therapist also encourages me to point

that I knew nothing about this plan. It was all that...

My diabolical cousin Samael, the angel of darkness.

Yeah, this is all really sweet, Stan, but I've got a possession in... I'm not

gonna make it now. And my godfather Mephisto. Must we all introduce

It's not Alcoholics Anonymous. That's on Tuesdays. Blow out the candles, Stan.

In 30 days, you'll be 666 months old, and you will have to face your destiny

the Antichrist. And to be honest, I don't know that you're ready for such a

demonic mantle. And it may be my fault, raising you all your life here in hell,

always beneath my horn's shadow, but how could you blow out the damn candles?

Sorry, it's just my asthma.

What your father's trying to say is that you're going to live in New York. The

Antichrist takes Manhattan.

This is just like the start of a movie.

There's no movie stand.

This right here is real life. You know where they say that? At the start of

movies. Is he serious? I hate when they say that. It takes me right out of it.

A month in New York, 30 days to see every Broadway musical, to fall in love

to have my heart broken, to think that there's no way I'll ever get over it.

then I get over it.

I'm strolling in the rain and a taxi splashes on me passing by.

I've got a bag of breadcrumbs from my friends in Central Park.

Musical, because life is better with a song.

All my dreams come true.

Were you just singing? No, no, not around you.

Enough! This is not a vacation.

Your time on Earth is to get to know all about humanity, to see their weaknesses

up close.

To prey on their insecurities, Stan. To be the ripple that becomes a wave of

eternal darkness that shall drown all corners of the debased earth and

shattering the bones of its people, rending flesh and will apart in a

tormenting, terror -lending civilization.

What was that last thing? I got shattering and bones, but the... Stan, I

be proud of you. And I promise you, Papa, I'm not going to let you down.

Now then, who wants a slice?

What is it? It's red velvet.

Thanks, but no. I only feast on souls.

She just loves saying that.

New York, New York. I'm so nervous.

Do you think it's going to be more sex in the city or friends?

Are you okay, sir? Yeah, I'm sure he's fine. Let's go. You know him?

Yeah, we're old friends. She's not really looking too good. Mephisto,

name? Yeah, his name's Dr.

Rotten Mango.

Sorry to bother you, Doctor, but are you all right? The end of all things is

nigh. Thirty days until the darkness. Live them well. Do you want this mango?

No, I'm good, thanks. Thirty days. Wow, Dr. Rotten Mango really hit the nail on

the head here.

And here we are, the Dakota Building.

The embassy of hell here in New York City. You were supposed to stay with

mother, but I said you were too old for all that. And now, look, you're here

with me and Samael. And I had to give up my rehearsal room for the drums.

Thanks, Mephisto. Appreciate it. Look, it's a casting call.

I just arrived in the big city, and I already have an audition. It's a sign.

Actors, insecure narcissists, talentless hacks. No one sells their soul for

less. I'll come with. Guess I'll come, too. Maybe I can possess someone. Ooh,

street pretzels. Buy me one, please, please, please, please.

Next up, uh, uh... A stand prince of the ebony voice? Me, that's me. Here, Sam,

I bought it because they do it in the movies, but I never eat before I act.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're doing the casting now. These pretend actors are

fighting over this piece of shit roll like a flock of vultures.

Some of them are pretty chubby.

Now I'm kind of hungry.

Hey, you want this pretzel? I'm on a diet right now.

Pretzels? My favorite ironic food.

Now I have you.

You've been to my win.

Hey, Jermaine, you ready to get back to it?

So,

are you coming or no?

Connix is a pair of sunglasses with a screen built right into it. That way you

can see your social media stuff when you're talking to someone without them

knowing you're not listening. That's amazing.

I don't have any social media, and I don't understand why you wouldn't want

listen to someone when you're talking to them, but it sounds really cool. So,

you're going to pretend to listen to Gabby. She's going to reach for the

role. Hey, there.

I'm Gabby.

Hello.

Is that a kind of vocal warm -up?

Shall we try a take? What happened to Jermaine? You look a little different.

Did you do something with your hair?

I'm a disaster with all that stuff, I swear.

I'm just bad with that stuff. Maybe it's the glasses.

Anyway, action!

It's all really just the standard boilerplate contract stuff. I,

pledge to get you the role you so desire in this commercial, and you, Reginald,

blah, blah, blah.

Reginald Coppola. You owe us tons of you, aren't there? Pretty sure I did a

with your cousin once.

In exchange, when you die, I reap your soul. If I don't get you the role, you

have a right to fair and unbiased compensation.

But I wouldn't worry about it. It hasn't happened in 2 ,000 years. You on board?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. All sounds great. All you got to do is sign.

Sorry, sorry. Old habits.

What's wild about this is you could have gotten an Emmy or a Latin Grammy. You

are a cheap date. Yeah, you think so? Let's see if you actually get them to

choose me. I had three strokes last year and lost all control of my facial

muscles. Oh,

that's so freaky.

The key is to look like you're listening to Gabby, even if you're watching

TikTok or Twitch or whatever thing you kids have now. God, I'm 27. I'm getting

old. Well said, Jermaine. As usual, your clever comments completely justify your

salary as head of marketing.

And action.

Neither corn nor barley have any gluten in them, though an intolerance isn't the

same thing as an allergy. Wow, really? That's cool.

No, cut.

You have to pretend to listen, not actually listen.

What I don't understand is who would want to look at Instagram if they can

to a real person?

Literally everyone. All right, thanks so much. Well, we'll call you. Who's next?

God, he was the worst so far, and we've only got one more to go.

Oh, uh, hello.

You're still here. Yeah, you didn't actually wait for me to go. You said it

almost immediately.

Right, right.

That's on me. Well, uh, things happen.

Oof, the kid may be a terrible actor, but he's got ears like a freaking bat.

Hey, uh, just so you know, I can still totally hear you. Sorry, sorry, my

mistake. Jeez, he was awful.

Haven't left the room yet.

My bad.

Sweetheart, you haven't moved in 24 hours. Everything all right?

I thought I could be an actor, but I was just a fool.

It's not easy being an actor. I hit a rough patch once, too. You know what I

did? My baby Stan is not going to sell his wife to the devil to become a

successful actor.

Well, that's really all I got.

You humans really stink when you're depressed, but you know what helps me

better? Buying souls. To keep my end of the contract with Reginald, I have to

kill all the actors that are better than him. Wanna come along? I guess that is

just my destiny.

To act or be evil. That is the question.

Why pick when you can do both at the same time? I mean, you could just act

really bad. You get it?

To over -explain the joke or to let it bomb.

That is the question.

Release me. I beg of you. Not until I've burned your life to the ground. You're

a monstrous being who deserves suffering.

Jermaine, if you've got it fixed, you want to take a look at the briefing

prepped for the meeting? No, you are worthless bugs who deserve nothing more

than to be crushed beneath their ears. I like this new attitude of yours,

Jermaine. Keep it up. See where you go.

First up on the list is Bobby Fillmore. He can sing and dance and kind of looks

like Kevin Bacon. Says here he's working a passion project on this corner. I

always feel bad hurting actors. Their lives are already miserable enough.

Yes, hello?

You want me for the role? Let me check my schedule and see.

I'm looking, I'm looking. You still haven't told me what day yet.

Just feel so very bad.

Sorry about that. I have a little mishap, but I promise I can still do the

commercial no problem. No, you damn well can't. Believe me, I've acted under far

worse circumstances.

That's not true.

I'll be there at call.

It's like a calling, isn't it? I think you and I could be friends. Such is our

dedication to the acting demon within.

Putting on a character.

It helps me to forget myself, if only for a little while. That's it, exactly.

It's like being able to live many different lives. Yeah, you should follow

Instagram at bobbyfillmoreactor70.

Bobbyfillmoreactor70. Oh, no. I think I'll call you an ambulance.

And the slogan is... Frappuccino, your life. Disease and war, play.

All living shall fall to the shadow.

That's what we think of your slogan.

My name is Wilbur. Yeah, close enough.

Caramel Oak Frappuccino, double shot, no foam for Tessa.

You look familiar. Have I seen you somewhere before?

I've done some micro theater and made a few waves. No, I don't think so. Oh, is

it from this cafe? I come every day.

Ray Riggins -McCray's office. I'll pass you two to Mr. McCray. Hello, this is

Ray Riggins -McCray. Sorry, I probably should have said it normal. Here, let me

try it again.

Hey, this is Ray Riggins -McCray. Ray, I got great news. Guess who just booked a

commercial? I got the role.

At long last, I can finally buy one of these coffees I serve.

Sorry, totally an accident.

It's okay. I can still do the role.

Honestly, now I'm just feeling clumsy. My coffee? That cost me 15 bucks.

18 with the extra shot.

Caramelote Frappuccino double shot, no phone for Tessa. Yeah, that's me. Look

here, it's got a phone number. What's the story here, eh, Romeo?

Oh, I'll give you a call, if you survive.

Now that I am finally not so

allowed, there's nothing in this world that can't stop me.

What in the name of hell are you doing? The barbershop quartet. But now solo,

it's hard to find bandmates. I guess my voice is intimidating.

This is the saddest thing I've ever seen. Anyway, we got rid of all the

competition. Some in completely unnecessary and cruel ways, if you ask

that's left is you and Stan, who is worse. You should be getting the call

the role any moment now.

When I'm famous, I'll be unbearable. You're unbearable now.

Yeah, but then nobody will care. Good point.

There they are.

Uh, yeah?

Stan, we're calling from Central Casting. You're the best option we have

available for the commercial, so the role is yours. This is a big deal for

people like you.

This is great. I'll be right there. I got the job. I guess I wasn't the worst

after all. Sure, if you've got facial mobility, you can do anything. Hey, you

cat, we had a deal. You can't tell, but I'm pissed. I'm raging hard here. Stan,

you're my godson.

I was at your anti -baptism, and you know I love you like you were my own.

Mephisto, you've been like a third father to me. I love and admire you so

I'm glad you and I are on the same page, then.

This is nice, Mephisto. It's really nice. Yet, alas, this situation has a

twist for you. You see, Reginald sold me his soul for that commercial gig, so it

would be easy as... if you simply refused it. Of course, but I'd also like

to understand the position I'm in here. I thought I was the world's worst actor,

and it turns out I'm actually better than someone.

It may not seem like much, but it is a whole lot for me. All right, Stan, I'm

going to ask you not to take this personally, but if you insist on taking

commercial role, I will be simply forced to shatter your bones till they're not

but done. Charlie Mephisto, I completely understand you.

Ball of yarn! Ball of yarn!

No, not the ball of yarn!

back here. Don't you run away from me, Stan. Don't you do it. I just want to

talk.

Oh, please.

That's not my face. I need it for work. You fucked with the wrong cat, didn't

you? Help me, please.

Help me. New York, no one's coming to help.

Out of the fountain. It's a fountain from France. I'm never going to leave.

Get out now. Don't get a demon cat wet. I'm warning you. Sorry, I didn't hear

you, Mephisto. You want to get splashed? Yeah.

Do you know what happens if I don't fulfill my contract? I don't either

I've never broken a contract.

You don't know what it means to give up a dream, do you? I do. I've done it all

my life. What kind of a dream is acting?

No other profession would dare promise more for less. You're not strutting your

hour up on the stage. You're a rat desperately seeking validation that

something special about you. But guess what? There's not.

You may be right, Mephisto, but my favorite series in the world taught me

things. The value of a good friend and that everything is possible.

Even a Rachel falling in love with a Roth. Well, I hate to break it to you,

your life isn't a damn TV sitcom, Stan.

So Daddy told me that humanity must pay.

That I will not do.

If it means so much to you, do the damn commercial.

I don't get that role. You owe me compensation.

It's in your contract.

I know it's in the contract.

We'll do what you want. Anything you want. Oh, you two are not going to enjoy

this. He smiled. How did he smile? What's going to happen?

You feeling nervous? A little bit. I know it might be silly, but today is my

first day as a professional actor, so I want to make sure I do a good job.

That's sweet, but since we're not getting paid, I don't know if it counts

professional. We're paying you an exposure.

And also, you're welcome. Let's get to it.

We both thought it. Isn't that funny?

Luciferi Imperator Omnipotens! Is that the new slogan?

Luciferi Imperator Omnipotens? I already love it.

Two days of this and I already made general manager.

It's all thanks to you. Look, this isn't working out quite the way I wanted.

Mr. Manager, I have some proofs here for the diaper campaign posters.

We have an idea to widen our reach. If we make the diapers on the posters

smaller, we can bring in the pedophile crowd. Just pedophiles, by the way. Our

agency is completely against pederasty, of course, at the moment.

No, no, this is where I draw the line. Way too much. I'm out.

No, no, no, no, no, no, please. Don't leave me. Don't leave me. We make such a

great team.

Every year we try to do a challenge called Whamageddon.

Sick of listening to interminable conversations when you could be browsing

TikTok, Instagram, or Facebook, which, believe it or not, is still around for

some reason. Sick of her scolding you for being on your phone when she talks

about Megan. And she sprained her ankle in Zumba.

Poor thing. Who, honestly, you can't even remember.

We're here to help.

Now you can pretend to listen while checking Ariana Grande's Instagram.

Wabadoo glasses.

Luciferi Imperator Omnipotent.

Just one sec. They dubbed you? Yeah, they said my voice was too special to

I don't think special means what you think it means.

But special is always good.

Hey, watch where you're going!

Oh, yeah, sorry, sorry. My bad. The important thing is I'm officially an

now. You did one commercial. It is literally the job of the least artistic

an actor can do.

Exactly, and the only way to go is up. Anyways, I wouldn't put too much in

A month from now, you won't be able to act anywhere anyway because humanity

have been destroyed by your hand.

Yeah, but what if I don't want to destroy humanity?

Please, Samael, I need you. I've got a briefing tomorrow and I've got nothing,

nothing without you. I told you to leave me alone.

Hey, Mephisto, can you rip the soul out of this dumbass? Oof, not from an ad...

It's impossible they don't have one. And what's wrong with him? Why does he look

like he's on the verge of tears? Somebody doesn't want to destroy

just want to act and sing and dance. Great. Tell that to Satan.

I'll do just that. Please, Samael. Just a slogan. A tiny little slogan.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I was watching Taylor Swift's stories, and I'll do it

again, too.

Well, that worked out.

Come on, Stan. You can do this. Just tell him, Dad.

I need to talk to you, and please don't interrupt. It's important, okay?

Since I was born, all I've done is seek your approval and tried my hardest to

make you proud of me.

But I've learned the price of that love is renouncing my truth, and that is just

too high a cost.

I'm your son, but I'm not an extension of you.

I don't want to destroy the world, Dad.

I want to act and dance and sing.

I want to be Lin -Manuel Miranda.

I know that may not be what you wanted to hear, but...

Would you at least say something?

Say what now? I wasn't listening. I got these glasses from the commercial with

the Hawaii model. Though while you thought I was listening, I was on

convincing idiots against vaccines. It's the freaking jungle out there.

It's impossible to reason with anyone, and I couldn't be prouder of you.

Hold on, you're proud of me? I admit, I had some doubts about you as the

Antichrist, Stan. And when I saw you in that commercial, I felt so embarrassed.

You didn't even get paid. I was curious.

But now I understand.

You were starting your demonic work.

This gadget alone has taken chaos and madness to another level. My dear boy!

I love you.

I love you, Papa.

I want to destroy the world. I want to destroy so much. You'll see.

I have a gift for you. I didn't want you to have it until I was sure you were

ready for it. It's an apocalypse box, Stan. And it's yours.

All you have to do is open it when you turn 666 months old, and you shall

unleash such horrors that even I cannot fathom and bring the world of man to its

knees. I'll do it, Dad.

Sorry, sorry, sorry. Almost blew it there, huh?

Now that I am finally not so alone, there's nothing in this world that can

me.

Open up my heart and find a treasure.

Give me but a kiss, I'll give you the key.

The first dollar that I earned with my art. You didn't get paid for the

commercial? Mephisto, you know nothing about show business. Come on, let's go.

Let's talk more rock. We're going to start now.

I'm sorry. I said I'd do it again, and I did do it. The content is just so

incredibly good.

Now that I am finally not so alone, there's nothing in this world that can

stop me.

Open up my heart and find a treasure.

Give me but a kiss, I'll give you the key.