Original subtitles

[banging on door]

[banging continues]

- Guess what? - Guess what?

Dang.

Hello, boxer briefs. [chuckles]

I got to drop by at 4:00 in the morning more often.

Is that a semi or is it just natural?

Wh-What are y'all doing here?

- We're getting married. - Yeah, I know this already.

- Today. - What?

- Ah, the better question is "why?" - Okay. Why?

- Insurance. - You know how I started that fancy new job at...

- We got to get on the road. - Uh, will you let me finish?

- Vegas is a 16-hour drive. - Vegas?

Yes, you're right. Start packing his things.

On it.

I'm gonna grab your pants first.

You're making me look bad.

Yes, Vegas. Uh-uh.

Start in the bathroom. He's gonna need his essentials.

Long story shortest:

Deadline. Testicle. Expensive.

Okay, maybe make the story a little bit longer.

The enrollment window to add a spouse to my insurance

ends tonight on midnight,

and Andre has a bump on his left ball

that he wants to get checked out,

and my insurance is the couscous of PPOs,

and his is a bag of potatoes,

so we need a marriage certificate

in case they have to chop it off,

and we want you to be our witness.

Uh, to the wedding.

- Not my ball chopping. - Mm-hmm.

Okay, but why Vegas?

There's a perfectly good city hall

like 15 minutes away from here,

and it's right next to a Burgerville.

Wedding and reception, boom.

We can't get officiated by Asian Elvis in Portland.

Put these on. Now.

Okay, but why are we not flying?

Dre, you still scared of planes, man?

I don't trust wings that don't flap.

- All right, fine. I'm coming. - [Annie] Yay.

Let's go.

♪ ♪

[♪ Sarah Ozelle: "In Control"]

♪ If you want me, boy ♪

♪ We gotta do it my way ♪

♪ If you want me, baby ♪

- ♪ Better do what I say... - [chuckles]

- [gasping] - No.

[Lily] Oh, my God.

[laughter]

Wow.

- What is...? - What?

Wow.

This is the Harmony Suite,

designed by contemporary artist Yayoi Kusama's protégé: Andy.

Well, there's no price on the website.

It says you have to "RSVIP."

So, Nick, how much does this room cost?

Well, to quote my mother,

"If you have to ask, you can't afford it."

She's so right. She's so right. This is amazing.

Thank you so much.

[camera clicks]

[gasps]

Uh, no.

Do you know how much they mark these up?

I'm dehydrated from traveling.

And I'm dehydrated from capitalism.

Plus, it's plastic.

Okay, team, I've scheduled five minutes for everyone

to calmly claim their sleeping quarters.

♪ ♪

He's fast for someone who never exercises.

This isn't gonna work.

Jorge, choose.

I can't, okay?

I prefer the lighting in this room,

and the credenza in that room.

Oh, my little ficus.

Would you like me to move the credenza into this room?

No, no. That's ridiculous, babe.

I'm not that much of a diva.

[Jorge] Okay, we're being careful, though.

We're being very careful.

- Yes, babe. - Okay? You just...

Watch the side, watch the side.

If you scratch the side, Nick's mom has to pay for it.

So, that's on you.

So...

what do you say, hmm?

Roomie?

Why not?

You know why.

You're the only one who complains

about me sleep talking.

Everyone else I sleep with says

it's cute and soothing.

And everyone you sleep with is trying to bone you.

I got the couch.

- Dropping off. - Oh, thank you.

Where are you sleeping?

Uh, I don't know.

That tub is huge. I can just build a pillow nest.

Oh, absolutely not.

You paid for this whole place.

You sleep with me.

I don't know about that. [chuckles]

Come on, we fell asleep together

twice last week watching TV.

The only difference is this will be a lot more comfortable.

[sighs] Look.

It's literally made of clouds.

Mmm.

It'll be a little different.

Hmm. It'll be like the old days,

except no sex.

Fun for me.

[Annie] Emergency parking only.

Emergency parking only.

- Speed enforced by aircraft... - Will you stop reading every sign?

Would you get off your damn phone and keep me company?

[singsongy] Santiago...

Wake up.

Entertain us.

Where are we?

Nowhere interesting.

So, tell us, what happened to that girl you were seeing?

Ooh.

- [Santiago] Who? Shauna? - Yeah.

[chuckles] Yeah, it was some weird stuff with that one.

You can't just say that and not at least

tell us one weird thing.

She was very into her dog.

So, she, uh...

used the same voice that she would use with her dog,

with me, in bed.

- [laughing] - No.

Gives a whole new meaning to "doggy style."

Ugh.

Oh, who's a good boy?

[panting]

Oh, who's a good boy?

No, stop, for real.

Yo, stop.

No, but it was, it was exactly like that.

[laughter]

Ooh, so you single again?

That's cool. Play the field.

Men are biologically intended to plant their seed far and wide.

I will unbuckle your seatbelt and slam on these brakes.

Oh, no, no, no, not me, baby.

I'm evolved.

[laughter]

What are you laughing at, tonto?

So, what? You're just gonna be the single guy

that never gets married?

Uh, yeah. Yeah, that's the plan.

Santi, how many 50-year-old men that never get married

do you know that seem normal to you?

Well, that was hella judgy

for a smart woman such as yourself.

But let's start normalizing people not being married, okay?

It's-it's a perfectly acceptable lifestyle.

All right.

But you do want someone.

I-I feel like if you were all like,

"I'm alone and I'm good,"

then I'd feel different.

But I feel like you want a partner, that you want kids.

Damn, she's got you there.

Fine, yeah, of course I want

a little Santiago running around.

But not at the cost of compromising my beliefs.

You know what?

He can watch our kids.

Free babysitter.

Speaking of kids,

I got some I need to drop off at the pool.

Ooh, ooh, ooh. Pull over.

Ugh, you did not just say that.

It's an escalating situation.

♪ ♪

[hawk screeches]

[Andre] Uh, ooh...

Nope.

- I-I can hold it. - Yeah.

Bye-bye! [laughs anxiously]

Knock-knock, the gays are here!

- Oh, yeah. - Uh-huh.

- Mwah, mwah. - Hey.

- Everyone, you guys remember James and Javier. - Of course.

[James] Hey...

- What the...? - Ah, no wonder you didn't

want to room with us.

Wow, you are not just the best man,

you are the perfect man.

Put this on.

Oh, it's lovely.

Um, but I'm an adult.

Uh, what, is it too bushy?

Oh, that's right, you like them trimmed.

Oh, they have tequila.

Uh, don't touch that.

That's right. Hank might come out to play.

- Who's Hank? - Don't.

You are getting married and you've never met Hank?

Is this some weird inside joke? Is Hank your penis?

No, it-it's silly.

[sighs] For some reason, whenever I drink tequila,

it's like I become this other person.

I don't know why.

Anyway, you're not missing out on anything.

You know, Hank is of the past.

I'm a vodka man now.

I feel weirdly excluded, but I want to know more.

Hank is a handful.

He's the reason why my two front teeth are veneers.

No, no, Hank is very nice.

But, um, he's the reason that I'm now

permanently banned from the Gap.

[Javier] I love Hank,

but he's the reason why my wrist cracks...

- [cracking] - I heard that.

...whenever I do a circular motion.

Yeah, and he's also the reason why I am now

physically incapable of peeing in front of other men.

- Oh. - [Javier] I remember that.

- So upsetting. - Oh, oh, well, look at the time.

Everyone has 15 minutes left to unpack and then we need

to head to the Bellagio fountain for the show.

[all groan]

The fountain?

Wait, what?

We didn't come all this way to watch water boil.

It doesn't boil, it dances.

You know, it's been a long week.

We want to relax, babe.

If no one wants to optimize

their Vegas experience,

that's totally fine with me.

What about the pool?

[gasping]

- Pool. - Pool.

- Pool. Pool. - Pool.

- Pool. - Pool.

[all chanting] Pool. Pool. Pool.

Pool. Pool.

Pool. Pool. Pool.

Fine! Fine! Fine! Pool!

Yes!

[cheering]

[indistinct chatter]

[Henry] It's different somehow.

[Nick] It's perfect.

Another woman bought you a drink.

Uh, no, thank you. We have bottle service.

Tried to tell her.

How many is that?

Only my third. I'm getting old.

And what's wrong with number three?

Not my type.

What's your type?

[clears throat]

Not yet. It's just...

[Nick and Henry laughing]

How's that situation going?

Well, we've been hanging out a lot lately

and getting real close,

which is lovely but painful.

Hmm.

Any indication she's feeling anything back?

- No, I am firmly in the friend zone. - Mmm.

And it sucks.

But if she's not into me, she's not into me.

I got to respect that. You know.

Plus, I really like hanging out with her.

Okay, but you make sure to protect your heart, all right?

You know, put up some stronger boundaries.

Yeah. Yeah. Ye... Exactly.

That is what I need. Stronger boundaries.

Nick. Pool.

Coming.

[chuckles]

He's so fucked.

I told you not to drink that third 5-hour Energy.

It's a 16-hour trip.

Three times five hours is 15 hours,

plus one to nap.

That is not how caffeine works.

Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh. There, there. Pull over, pull over.

All right, I see it, I see it.

[entry bells chime]

[indistinct chatter]

Mm, hey. Want anything?

- No, I'm good. - [Annie] Okay.

♪ ♪

[car door opens]

[car door closes]

[engine starts]

You okay?

Oh, yeah, um...

[chuckles] I-I keep thinking I'm seeing somebody I know.

Who? Lily?

That ever happen to you?

Sometimes it happens with my abuelo.

It usually happens with people you're thinking about.

Do you and Lily still talk?

Sort of.

After her birthday, we said we'd hang out more,

but, uh, I think we're both just afraid

of history repeating itself.

I mean, we're friends in theory, I guess,

but we haven't talked in weeks.

So, yeah, I guess you could say she's on my mind a little bit.

Well, if you're seeing ghosts at gas stations,

you might want to look into that.

[laughs]

You know, most days I feel pretty secure

about who I am and what I believe,

but other days, being me feels pretty damn lonely.

I bet.

Why do you think we come by so much?

We worry about you.

Well, I'm fine, all right?

Really.

I don't know, sometimes I just...

I feel like I'm making a choice

between being happy and being right.

You shouldn't have to choose between those things.

But also, what feels right and what makes us happy can change.

Whoo! ♪ I'm feeling 20 pounds lighter ♪

♪ 20 pounds ♪♪ Shotgun.

My God. [laughs]

- Yep. Got him. - [Annie laughing]

[Sol] So, you slyly pour your drink into their drink

so they think you're drinking their drink.

[laughs] Sol, we pre-paid for all of this.

Okay, so whatever doesn't get finished

- is going in my suitcase home. - [Jorge] You are a doctor now.

- Come on. - [laughter]

- Babe, can I make you another vodka soda? - Yeah.

- Okay. - Yeah. Or, wait, what are you having?

- I want to have what you're having. - Lemonade.

You're not drinking?

Okay, someone has to look after you.

A, I've been looking after myself

for 20-plus years, thank you.

B, this is your bachelor party, too,

and I want you to have a good time.

And C, maybe I want to meet Hank.

Oh, trust me, you wouldn't like Hank.

Why? I want to know all of you and Hank is a part of that.

And plus, I mean, what do you think?

I've never handled a messy bitch before?

- I'm practically certified. - Mm-hmm.

Hank.

Hank. Hank.

- Hank. Hank. Hank. Hank. - No, come on.

- Oh! - Hank. Hank. Hank.

Okay! Fine!

[cheering]

[whooping]

Oh, this is a terrible mistake.

[Lily] Mm. Do you smell that?

[gasps] Now I'm hankering for Brussels sprouts.

Charred.

Ooh. Love a good sprout.

I used to hate them as a kid, but now I really like them.

Adulthood changes you.

Hey, fun fact.

Did you know that Dutch scientists in the '90s

actually bred the Brussels sprout to taste less bitter?

So, you might have changed,

but the Brussels sprouts have, too.

Do you think two people who are not right for each other

can change into two people who are?

[clears throat] Uh, well, you know, I...

- Oof. - Ooh, ooh.

- Ooh, I sometimes forget how hot you are. - [awkwardly clears throat]

Stop being so hot.

Um, uh, yeah, s-sorry, what were we talking about, before?

Mm. Oh, um, Santiago.

Right. Santi. [chuckles]

What?

No, please, ignore me.

I'm, like, two drinks in.

- I'm just... - No, tell me!

[sighs]

He is a stand-up dude,

but that relationship was just so volatile,

there was no way it was sustainable.

Wow.

Listen, I am just quoting you to you.

Ugh.

Am I being that girl who pines over an ex

who wasn't right for her

because she still thinks she can change him?

Uh...

Ugh, no, I don't want to be that girl.

Okay. So, then...

what do you want?

[Lily] I look at Jorge and I want that.

I want to be with someone who takes care of me,

and I take care of them...

but mostly them me.

[both laugh]

And we laugh at the same jokes

and we cry at the same part of the movies

and when we disagree,

it-it's not because we value completely different things,

but because we strive to be better partners for each other.

[sighs]

Jorge got so lucky.

And I'm so happy for him.

But also a part of me is afraid

I'm never gonna have that.

Um, I haven't said that out loud to anyone before.

Your secret's safe with me.

And I wouldn't worry about it.

You'll find what you're looking for.

Thanks, Nick.

You will, too.

Yeah.

Maybe.

[laughter]

Okay. All right. Are-are you okay, babe?

- [cheering] - Yes, thank you.

Jorge, make out now.

For the record: I love Hank.

- Mmm. - [Jorge laughs]

Come with me.

Heh-heh. Get it?

- Oh, yes. - Go.

Yeah, we get it.

[Jorge laughs]

- [Henry growls] - I'm going.

[laughs] Bye.

Give me more Hank.

Hey, that's kind of my favorite shirt,

but I guess I did that to myself. Mmm.

[grunting]

[glasses crashing]

Okay, easy.

Hank is very easy. [grunting]

Honey?

I'm-I'm, like, kind of soaking wet.

Just need, like, a napkin.

Really quick. Super quick. Just like...

There's got to be, like, a napkin in here somewhere.

Uh-oh.

How long till we get to Vegas?

♪ ♪

What?

Oh, shit. We got to turn around.

Wait, what? Why?

I left my phone at the gas station.

We are not turning around.

Baby, we got movies on that phone.

You know the ones.

And your trust pact doesn't allow passcodes.

[tires screeching]

[gasping]

- Get me that phone! - [loud pop]

- [air hissing out] - [screaming]

It's just a tire.

[Annie whimpering]

[sighs]

Oh, my God, what happened to you?

Uh, Hank happened to me.

But have you guys seen Henry?

Henry has left the building.

Uh, no, but apparently Hank is on the loose.

Which means check your phones, hide your wallets,

leave your babies at home, because no one is safe.

[Jorge laughing] Okay.

Is this the party of Jorge Diaz?

Yeah.

"YOLO. Love, Hank."

[laughter]

Okay, I am loving every moment of this.

It is so much more fun when you're not his keeper.

$1,500?

No. Um, hi. The seals are still on, we're not paying for this.

You know what? Can someone call Henry's phone for me,

- please? Just one sec. - I'm on it.

[phone ringing]

- Great. He left it. - Well...

Okay. You can just put everything on the room.

Thank you so much.

Look, I'll just deal with it with Nick later.

I have to go find Henry, or Hank, or whatever.

This is all my fault.

- I'm gonna start a group thread. - [Jorge] Okay.

Okay. Yeah.

I'm gonna just search every cabana.

Sol, you check the casino out

and just report back with any findings, okay?

- And the two of you... - [Javier] Will stay here.

- We'll be right here. - We put in our time.

He's like a bi Filipino gremlin. Who knew?

[Jorge] I thought Hank would be more fun, not more work.

Wait, I see something. I'm gonna call you back.

Hi. Wh-Where did you get this hat?

My wife Darla was playing craps

and this man said Cheryl was Lady Luck.

And if Darla kissed Cheryl, she'd roll a seven.

So, they kissed.

Darla did roll a seven.

Now my wife and Cheryl are in my hotel room

and I wasn't invited. [sobs]

I'm so sorry.

By any chance, did the homewrecker look like this guy?

Yeah, that's the guy.

And he stole my blazer.

I'm so sorry, again.

But which way did he go?

- Thank you. - Mm-hmm.

Hey, they found Hank.

- Oh, great. - [woman] No, no.

No, no, no, no.

Look at my face. Look at my face!

Hey, is everything okay?

I got my furniture off Craigslist.

I thought, "Why wouldn't why I trust it

for my wedding makeup?"

Oh, it-it's not that bad.

I look like a clown. [sobs]

Well, luckily for you, I am a professional makeup artist.

And I have my kit just upstairs.

- What? - Yeah, pro bono.

I can fix this.

[woman] He won't love me if he sees me like this.

No, now, none of that.

Last weekend, I did a wedding, a quinceañera,

and a last-minute homecoming dance.

Cystic acne.

And I told them all what I am telling you now:

I will make you love your outside face,

if you promise to love your inside face.

- Okay, come on, let's go. - [sobbing] Okay.

[sobbing]

Hey. Any luck? Did you find him?

I don't see him anywhere.

Will you be dining with us today?

Have you seen this man?

Oh, yeah, he was just here.

He ordered a Paloma and a seafood tower.

Really? Do you know where he went?

No. Sorry.

[sighs]

[phone chimes]

Oh, that's a relief.

Do you want the seafood tower?

He left before I could serve it.

- No, thank you. - That's okay, thanks.

Well, he already paid.

Big tipper.

Oh. Oh, yeah, we eating that.

Any open table, I'll be right with you.

Thank you.

- Sol. - Look, I'm hungry, you're tired,

and according to the group thread,

- James has a solid lead. - Okay.

Let's just take a break.

Wherever Hank is, I'm sure he's fine, right?

[Annie] You should've felt that your pocket was lighter.

Why don't you have a better sense of balance?

You are being really mean to someone

who might lose a testicle to cancer.

That lump is an ingrown hair and you know it.

[gasps]

All right, here's the deal.

I think we should find the nearest shop and call it a day.

What? No! Asian Elvis only works on Saturdays.

Look, the reality is

we're not gonna make it on time, okay?

Do you guys even really want to get married today, anyway?

All you've been doing is fighting.

What fighting?

Oh, you mean what we were doing in the car?

We don't call that fighting, we call that spicy talk.

Yeah, when we fight for real, she makes me cry.

- Oh, baby. - No, no, no.

Sometimes I need to learn things.

Mm-hmm.

Mmm.

- [Annie giggles] - [Andre] All right now.

[Andre] Oh.

- Oh! - [delighted laugh]

[Andre] I forgot I put it in that pocket.

See? Everything is good.

Yeah, yeah, well, you know,

we're still about an hour and a half out from Vegas, okay?

And this dummy tire is really only meant to be driven

- for about 70 miles max. - [Andre] No.

It will go all the way.

Besides, I got to get married tonight.

It's not about the insurance anymore.

I'm a man in love.

Nice.

So, the dummy tire, right?

Not gonna make it.

We will make it.

Sometimes, you just got to keep the faith.

- [Andre] You know what, baby? - [Annie] Mm-hmm.

[Andre] Your man's gonna drive.

[sighs]

That girl is going to be telling tales about you

for the rest of her life.

I know, right?

I'm like... Joan of NARS.

[both laughing]

Today's been really fun.

Well, the day's not over.

There's a lot more fun to be had.

Well, once we find Henry. He's still missing.

Yes, yes, and we should fuel up.

- I raided the mini bar. - Oh, we can't.

Sol is gonna kill us.

We can and we will.

Jumbo Toblerone?

- Oh, look, it's already open. - [Lily gasps]

Looks like we have to eat it.

Oh, my God, Nick.

I love you so much. Mmm.

- [clears throat] - Mmm. Mmm.

- Mmm. Mm-hmm. - Mmm.

Mmm.

I've been thinking about something.

Nick, I...

I think...

[sighs]

...you're my best friend.

Oh.

Thanks. [chuckles]

All right, I need to get ready.

Excuse me, can I get a napkin, please?

I'm sorry, somebody stole all of our napkins.

Even the backups in the storage closet.

We don't know how.

I can get you some toilet paper.

It's okay. Thanks.

That's weird.

Those sweet potato fries look so good.

But $16? No.

Sol, you have the money.

Why are you--

and I'm just gonna say it-- so stingy?

He asks, with love.

I don't know.

I've never had real disposable income before.

It just doesn't feel right to spend it.

What if something happens?

What if my car gets totaled?

Oh, your 2005 Elantra?

- I hope it gets totaled. - Uh...

Not with you in it.

I just feel like whenever something good happens,

I'm waiting for the equilibrium to weigh me back down.

Hmm. I don't know what that can be.

Not internalized shame or intergenerational trauma.

Right?

[both laugh]

I don't know.

I don't if you feel this way, but...

I find myself asking, as a minority within a minority,

when have I done enough?

Enough to have fun and feel safe?

And let go?

Yeah.

Like, I feel like teenage me would think

now me is killing it. You know?

You are killing it. I'm so proud of you.

Says the pot calling the kettle brown.

Sol, you're saving lives.

I'm selling tostadas.

Uh, tostadas save lives, too.

[both laugh]

We're so lucky to have each other, you know that?

I always knew I was different, but...

because of you, I never felt alone.

I remember when you came out to me,

with your frosted tips.

I knew it.

"I, um, have a crush on a person,

and that person is... a boy."

Stop!

- [Sol laughs] - [Jorge] You are so rude.

God, I miss hanging out with you.

I know that we are

see-you-in-five-years busy people,

but can we just make more time to spend together?

- Please? Like immediately? - [Sol] Yes.

Please.

So many of my patients die with regret.

And it's never

"I wish I worked more."

It's usually, "I wish I allowed myself to be happier."

Dark.

Uh, excuse me?

- Yes. - Can I get an order of those

overpriced sweet potato fries, please?

- Of course. - Hell yeah.

[both laugh]

[♪ Connie Francis: "Stupid Cupid"]

We're here.

Yeah, we're here.

We're here!

We're getting married!

That's right, baby.

♪ It's a crying shame...

She said yes!

♪ ♪

And I love him, but he's like a fiddle-leaf fig.

He needs a lot of special attention.

And everyone ignores the cactus,

because you think, "They grow in the desert, they'll be fine."

No! We will not be fine!

Do you know how many dead cactuses there are?

- A ton? - That's right, Bob.

A ton of dead cactuses.

You know? And they don't need much,

but every now and then...

They get... they get thirsty.

I need to be watered, too, Bob.

I need to be watered, too.

Do you see what I'm saying, Bob?

I have no clue.

I love you, too, man.

Let's go!

- Haw! - Yow!

[cheering, whooping]

- [Bob] Yew! - [Henry] Yeehaw!

♪ ♪

♪ It's beginning...

[Lily clears throat]

It's waiting for you.

What?

Your boutonnière.

It's waiting for you.

Oh.

[Annie] Santi?

Elvis is ready, let's go.

Congratulations.

Thanks.

The candles on the outside represent your individual lives.

The lives you've had before this moment.

'Cause from now on, y'all are no longer two,

y'all are one.

- [Annie giggles] - [Elvis] All right.

Now facing each other.

- [Andre chuckles] - Right hand over your shoulder,

like a karate pull.

- [Andre grunts] - [Annie laughs]

And like Elvis, you tell your lady...

"Listen, mama."

Listen, mama.

"I promise to always love you tender."

I promise to always love you tender.

Unless you ask for it rough.

[both laugh]

"I promise a little less conversation."

I promise a little less conversation.

"And a lot more action."

And a lot more action.

[Elvis] As you fools rush in,

is there anything y'all want to add?

Always. [laughs]

Thank you.

For embracing this loud and proud Dominicana.

You're kind, funny,

- and fine as hell. - [chuckles]

I am so happy to make you mine.

Forever, baby.

I am so excited

to share my life with the most beautiful person on Earth.

You tore down my walls

and showed me how truly wonderful life could be.

Te adoro, mi amor.

[Elvis] Congratulations.

I do officially now

pronounce you husband and wife.

[Annie squeals]

[Andre] My man.

[Annie] Ooh, we did it.

♪ ♪

[laughter]

[phone ringing]

- I don't... What? - [Jorge] Hold on.

It's Henry's phone.

Answer it?

Yes.

Hello?

[Henry] Hi, I lost my phone.

My name is Hank. What's yours?

Henry. Hi. It's Jorge. Where are you?

[Henry] I'm in da club. With Bob. Come find us.

- Wh-Where's...? Who's Bob? - [Henry] Bye.

Okay, well, he's in the club. So let's go.

I'm texting the group.

[casino games beeping]

[Lily] Wait.

Hey, they spotted Henry at the club.

We got to go meet them there.

Oh, why didn't he text me?

Oh, my phone died.

Okay, last hand of poker.

Can you listen to me this time?

- Hold that ace. - Okay.

- Get rid of that. - Okay.

Now...

[beeping]

[ringing]

[gasps]

[both cheering]

I am a Vegas god!

Oh, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.

Okay, let's go before I lose again. Hmm?

- Yeah. - Okay. Club?

- Yeah. Club. - Great.

[Nick sighs]

Uh, hey, I'm sorry, c-could you...

could you maybe not do that quite so much?

Do what?

You know, holding my hand, saying you love me.

But I do love you.

Nick, what's going on?

[sighs]

Lil...

- You love me. - Uh-huh.

But you don't really love me.

Or at least not in the way that I want you to.

And that's okay.

You've made it clear that you just see me as a friend,

but right now being your friend is...

kind of rough.

- Nick. - Lil, I...

I love you.

I am overwhelmingly, body-achingly,

whole-heartedly in love with you.

And every time we hang out,

I just find myself falling

deeper and deeper in love with you...

I could tell you all the reasons why.

Then we'd be here all night.

But...

This is humiliating enough as it is, so...

I had no idea you felt this way.

Oh, come on, Lil, really?

You-you had no idea?

Well, I knew you had a crush on me last year,

but I thought that was over, I...

It's not. My relationship with Anna ended

because I can't get you out of my head.

I just need to sit down.

[Nick sighs]

[Lily sighs]

Is there a chance for us?

Because if there is a one percent chance,

then I am here.

But if there is

zero percent chance of that, then...

I need to know that, too.

Because if that's the case,

then I don't want to share a bed with you,

I don't want you to tell me how hot I am,

I don't want you to hold my hand,

and I especially don't want you to tell me

over and over again how much you love me,

because that just makes me think

how amazing we would be together,

so why the hell aren't we?

I...

Yeah, um...

I'm sorry, that was a lot.

But now you know.

And as a very wise

and now MIA man once told me...

I need boundaries.

So, uh...

I'm gonna call it a night.

And, uh, you have fun at the club, okay?

- [indistinct chatter] - [music playing]

[Jorge] You're kidding.

Like, ugh, I hate lines.

Nobody likes lines.

Henry likes lines.

He says that it reminds him that time is a gift.

Aw. He really is special.

He is.

It's like, what if something bad is happening?

You know, like what if he's gotten involved

with the mob or something?

Like, we got to get in there, Sol! Like, I love this man!

- We got to get in there! - Um...

- Got it. - What?

- Oh, my... - Come on.

Where'd you get that?

♪ ♪

- [Jorge grunts] - Hi.

Uh, thank you.

How much did you give him?

$200.

He didn't even count it. I could've just given him ones.

All right, where is he?

- Is it good, or what? - Henry!

Lily!

Me Hank.

Yes, you are.

We need to find Jorge.

You-you doing okay?

You seem kind of blue.

Just having a bit of an existential crisis, Hank.

Oh, cry on Hank's shoulder.

It's already wet and I don't remember why.

Nick told me that he's in love with me.

Oh, yeah! Nick is so in love, baby girl!

Wait, everyone knows this?

How did I not know about this?

Lily pretty but dumb sometimes.

How does Nick make you feel in your tummy?

I feel like a fool right now.

From one fool to another,

you know the smartest thing I ever did?

Marrying my best friend.

[Jorge] Hank!

Bestie!

[Jorge] My God.

[Henry laughing]

Good work, Lil.

Thanks.

He's all yours now.

There's something I have to do.

♪ ♪

Where have you been?

Yeah, where have you been?

♪ There's never been a day like this ♪

[♪ Las Vegas Big Band: "There's Never Been a Day Like This"]

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ You got me, baby...

Are you Jacque Pierre?

Oui, oui.

♪ ♪

You needed napkins.

[laughs] Thank you.

Uh, but you've been looking for these all day?

Hey, hey. I need something.

- What you need is water, babe. - Yes! Exactly!

- Yeah, get the aspirin. - Got it.

- I need to be watered, too. - Uh-huh.

And this is gonna be really quick.

All right? Just...

Okay, good, good, good. Open your mouth.

- Ah. - Ah.

Good, good, good.

Drink. There we go. Perfect.

Awesome. [sighs]

You're watering me.

You get it.

You-you really get it.

I do.

Bob, he-he really gets it!

[Jorge] Uh...

[Henry] Yeah!

That's... Okay.

Um, babe? Babe? Hi.

I'm here to take care of you.

Forever, okay?

Thank you so much. [squeals]

They upgraded us to a suite.

Marriage does have its perks.

[Andre] We got the upgrade?

We got the upgrade. We got the uh, uh, uh.

[laughing]

Did you hate every second of our wedding?

Hmm, no. No, actually.

Um, you two made me feel like

marriage isn't the worst invention of all time.

[gasps] What's that, Tin Man?

It's beating.

- [Annie and Andre laugh] - Mmm. Yeah.

So, checkout is at 11:00.

I was thinking we could brunch at the Bellagio.

Ooh, let's do their buffet.

You think I'm gonna let you all-you-can-eat for two hours

and sit in my car?

It's half my car now, babe.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

[Annie] All right.

- [both kiss] - [Annie] Aw.

Yes.

[both chuckle]

- [Annie] Santi? - Huh?

Brunch? Tomorrow?

Yeah, yeah, sounds good.

Uh, how about you guys just head up?

I'm gonna stay down here and look around a little bit.

Okay.

- For you. - Thank you, sir.

We going to consummate.

- Ooh, yeah, we are. - Okay. Thanks.

[Andre] We're watching Magic Mike, right, baby?

Hi, this is Lily. Sorry I missed you.

If it's important, text me. Mwah.

[voice mail beeps]

Hey, it's me.

Uh, I was thinking about you.

[sighs]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Hey.

Hey.

What are you doing?

Uh, you know, I figured it'd be easier

if I slept on the tiny couch.

I'd sleep in the main area,

but then I'd have to explain to everyone.

I want you.

What?

I've always wanted you.

I just didn't know you were my "you" until now but...

here you've always been.

[exhales]

When something good happens,

you're the first person I want to call.

When I'm sad, you're the one I can count on

to make me feel better.

When I'm in bed late at night,

you're the one I think about.

- Really? - Oh, yeah.

Sweet.

Uh, for the record,

I jerk it to you constantly, too.

[both laughing]

No one else makes me laugh like you do.

I need that. I want that.

I want you.

Say that again.

I want you.

One more time.

Are you sure?

I'm sure.

[♪ Jimmy Jules: "Nothing Will Ever Change"]

♪ ♪

♪ I got the message, baby ♪

♪ You sent to me ♪

♪ And right now I want to tell you ♪

♪ Just how I feel...

Oh, yeah.

♪ Don't want your money, baby ♪

Yes.

♪ Your prestige is awful fine...

You know what I want.

- ♪ But nothing... - Yeah.

Yeah.

♪ Will ever change ♪

♪ This love of mine ♪

[moaning]

♪ When I was a kid ♪

♪ I wanted fortune and fame ♪

- [moaning] - ♪ But all of that's changed ♪

- ♪ Since I've been a man ♪ - Wait.

I want to see you.

♪ Love walked in my door ♪

♪ Messed up my mind ♪

♪ And nothing will ever change ♪

♪ This love of mine ♪

♪ Play some ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ ♪

♪ All right ♪

♪ Now that you know ♪

[both moan]

♪ Just where I stand ♪

♪ Get out my life, woman ♪♪

- [♪ Hannah Cohen: "All I Wanted"] - ♪ Wanted was you ♪

♪ Play your records all the time ♪

♪ I memorize your every line ♪

♪ All I really wanted was you ♪

♪ Take you for ♪

- [panting] - ♪ One last ride...

- Holy shit. - Holy shit.

[both laughing]

Want to do it again?

More than anything.

♪ You're all I need ♪

♪ Don't look at me like that ♪

♪ I know there's something...

- That's my wife. - Mm-hmm.

♪ That you're trying to hold back ♪

♪ Right from the start ♪

♪ You were playing with a broken heart ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I could feel you in my bones ♪

♪ Don't tell me this love is wrong ♪

♪ Would you be my ride or die? ♪

♪ I know you better than anyone ♪

♪ You're everywhere before you're done...

The porcelain doll holds the secrets.

Give it lettuce.

♪ ♪

♪ All I really wanted was you ♪

♪ Play your records all the time ♪

♪ I memorize your every line ♪

♪ All I really wanted was you ♪

♪ Take you for one last ride ♪

♪ You're all I see ♪

♪ Don't look at me like that ♪

♪ I used to touch your body ♪

♪ And your eyes would fall back ♪

♪ Right from the start ♪

♪ You were playing with a broken heart ♪

♪ I could feel you in my bones ♪

♪ Don't tell me this love is wrong ♪

♪ Would you be my ride or die? ♪

♪ I know you better than anyone ♪

♪ You're everywhere before you're done ♪

♪ All I really wanted was you ♪

♪ Play your records all the time ♪

♪ I memorize your every line ♪

♪ All I really wanted was you ♪

♪ Take you for one last ride ♪♪

[kids] GloNation! Yay!