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1
00:00:06,674 --> 00:00:09,077
(shouting):
Want to hear
a great band?
2
00:00:10,111 --> 00:00:11,312
Sure.
3
00:00:11,379 --> 00:00:13,247
They're called
Bucket of Hate.
4
00:00:15,049 --> 00:00:17,118
(rock music blaring)
5
00:00:22,756 --> 00:00:24,158
Oh!
6
00:00:27,661 --> 00:00:28,862
What do you think?
7
00:00:28,929 --> 00:00:31,465
Nice...
8
00:00:31,532 --> 00:00:32,566
beat.
9
00:00:34,335 --> 00:00:36,137
Oh, oh, my goodness!
10
00:00:36,204 --> 00:00:37,738
Quite a mouth on this fella.
11
00:00:39,173 --> 00:00:40,708
Guess that's why
they're not called
12
00:00:40,774 --> 00:00:42,976
Bucket of Bunnies, huh?
13
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:44,612
Who's he listening to?
14
00:00:44,678 --> 00:00:45,946
Bucket of Hate.
15
00:00:46,013 --> 00:00:47,548
They're good.
Reminds me of early Who.
16
00:00:47,615 --> 00:00:48,782
Who?
Yeah.
17
00:00:48,849 --> 00:00:49,783
What?
Band's called Who.
18
00:00:49,850 --> 00:00:50,951
Bucket of Hate.
19
00:00:51,018 --> 00:00:53,121
(sighs)
20
00:00:54,222 --> 00:00:57,191
And I work for your family.
21
00:00:58,426 --> 00:00:59,693
Boy...
22
00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:03,664
I never knew there were
so many rhymes for "suicide."
23
00:01:03,731 --> 00:01:05,499
Yeah, what's patricide?
24
00:01:06,867 --> 00:01:09,337
It means to honor thy father.
25
00:01:09,403 --> 00:01:12,340
Oh, well, then that song
doesn't make sense.
26
00:01:12,406 --> 00:01:14,242
Yeah, well, I'm still
trying to figure out
27
00:01:14,308 --> 00:01:17,211
what a su-su-sudio is.
28
00:01:17,278 --> 00:01:19,280
So, BOH is playing
29
00:01:19,347 --> 00:01:22,015
at the Santa Monica Civic Center
next weekend.
30
00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:23,016
Cool.
31
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:24,185
My friend Seth Friedman
32
00:01:24,252 --> 00:01:25,853
got tickets-- can I go?
33
00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:26,954
How are you gonna get there?
34
00:01:27,020 --> 00:01:28,122
Car.
35
00:01:30,524 --> 00:01:31,559
Thank you.
36
00:01:32,626 --> 00:01:33,627
Whose car?
37
00:01:33,694 --> 00:01:35,496
Seth's brother.
38
00:01:35,563 --> 00:01:37,831
He's 17 and he's never been in
an accident that was his fault.
39
00:01:41,135 --> 00:01:42,470
I don't think so.
40
00:01:42,536 --> 00:01:43,604
Why not?
41
00:01:43,671 --> 00:01:45,105
Why don't I think
it's appropriate
42
00:01:45,173 --> 00:01:47,040
for a 13-year-old to go
to a rock concert
43
00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:47,975
with no adult supervision?
44
00:01:48,041 --> 00:01:49,977
I told you, Rocco's 17.
45
00:01:50,043 --> 00:01:53,147
His name is Rocco?
Yeah.
46
00:01:53,214 --> 00:01:56,384
So... "Rocco Friedman"?
47
00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:57,918
Yeah, You know him?
48
00:01:57,985 --> 00:02:01,088
No, but I'm not letting someone
named "Rocco Friedman"
49
00:02:01,155 --> 00:02:04,057
drive you to a
Bucket of Hate concert.
50
00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:06,126
That's it? Just no?
51
00:02:06,194 --> 00:02:08,429
Oh, I'm sorry. No way in hell.
52
00:02:08,496 --> 00:02:10,864
Oh, man.
53
00:02:10,931 --> 00:02:12,633
What's going on?
54
00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:14,768
My dad sucks!
55
00:02:14,835 --> 00:02:18,539
You know, in certain
primitive cultures
56
00:02:18,606 --> 00:02:19,873
when a boy hits
puberty, they tie him
57
00:02:19,940 --> 00:02:22,610
to a big rock
and throw him in the ocean.
58
00:02:22,676 --> 00:02:24,111
No, they don't.
59
00:02:24,178 --> 00:02:26,247
Okay, but you can't argue
with the logic.
60
00:02:26,314 --> 00:02:28,616
No, I can't.
61
00:02:28,682 --> 00:02:30,851
Here-- your girlfriend's
in the paper.
62
00:02:30,918 --> 00:02:32,119
Really? What for?
63
00:02:32,186 --> 00:02:33,521
She's being honored
64
00:02:33,587 --> 00:02:36,724
by the Southern California
Trial Lawyers Association.
65
00:02:36,790 --> 00:02:38,726
Huh.
66
00:02:38,792 --> 00:02:40,194
Judge of the Year.
67
00:02:40,261 --> 00:02:41,629
Yeah, I guess it's time
68
00:02:41,695 --> 00:02:43,964
to get out the old tux
for the banquet, huh?
69
00:02:44,031 --> 00:02:45,699
What banquet?
70
00:02:45,766 --> 00:02:48,202
The one at the Beverly Hilton
next Saturday.
71
00:02:48,269 --> 00:02:50,504
Oh, right.
72
00:02:50,571 --> 00:02:53,974
Yeah, I don't think
I'm going to that.
73
00:02:54,041 --> 00:02:55,443
Why not?
74
00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:58,646
Well, you know, I hate
the whole dog and pony show.
75
00:02:58,712 --> 00:03:00,448
Getting dressed up, boring
speeches, rubber chicken...
76
00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:01,982
She didn't invite
you, did she?
77
00:03:02,049 --> 00:03:04,752
Didn't even mention it.
78
00:03:04,818 --> 00:03:06,320
Huh.
79
00:03:06,387 --> 00:03:08,922
That's got to sting.
80
00:03:08,989 --> 00:03:12,293
You know, I agree with Jake.
81
00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:13,727
You do suck.
82
00:03:15,329 --> 00:03:17,998
* Men, men, men, men,
manly men, men, men *
83
00:03:18,065 --> 00:03:21,335
* Men, men, men, men,
manly men, men, men *
* Ooh
84
00:03:21,402 --> 00:03:24,438
* Men, men, men, men,
manly men *
* Ooh
* Ooh
85
00:03:24,505 --> 00:03:26,340
* Ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ohh, ooh-ooh... *
86
00:03:26,407 --> 00:03:28,942
* Men, men, men, men,
manly men, men, men *
87
00:03:29,009 --> 00:03:32,212
* Ooh
* Men, men, men, men,
manly men, men, men *
88
00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:36,850
* Ah.
* Men.
* Men.
89
00:03:47,395 --> 00:03:51,632
Mm, God, Charlie,
you are great.
90
00:03:51,699 --> 00:03:55,202
Aw, no.
91
00:03:55,269 --> 00:03:56,404
I'm serious.
92
00:03:56,470 --> 00:03:59,407
You are the best lover
I've ever had.
93
00:03:59,473 --> 00:04:01,842
It's probably just
the flawless technique
94
00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:03,243
and the big penis.
95
00:04:03,311 --> 00:04:05,178
(both laughing)
96
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:07,381
Probably.
97
00:04:07,448 --> 00:04:11,184
I was wondering-- you got
any plans next Saturday?
98
00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:13,287
Next Saturday?
99
00:04:13,354 --> 00:04:16,123
Oh, as a matter
of fact I do.
100
00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:18,125
Oh, what might they be?
101
00:04:18,191 --> 00:04:19,927
The plans?
102
00:04:19,993 --> 00:04:21,762
Just some business thing.
103
00:04:21,829 --> 00:04:22,663
Very boring.
104
00:04:22,730 --> 00:04:24,865
Business?
Yeah. Business.
105
00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:28,235
Might this be the business
you're speaking of?
106
00:04:28,302 --> 00:04:30,538
Dilbert?
107
00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:33,707
This?
108
00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:35,943
Oh, that.
109
00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:37,277
Oh, um, I can explain.
110
00:04:37,345 --> 00:04:38,946
I would love an explanation.
111
00:04:39,012 --> 00:04:42,350
Well, I just thought it
wouldn't be your kind of thing.
112
00:04:42,416 --> 00:04:44,852
You know, it's just judges,
lawyers, local politicians.
113
00:04:44,918 --> 00:04:46,520
Are you going
with somebody else?
114
00:04:46,587 --> 00:04:47,721
No.
115
00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:49,623
So you'd rather go
alone than take me?
116
00:04:49,690 --> 00:04:52,826
Um, I know it
seems that way...
117
00:04:52,893 --> 00:04:55,796
You're ashamed
of me, aren't you?
118
00:04:55,863 --> 00:04:56,864
Oh, no, Charlie.
119
00:04:56,930 --> 00:04:58,799
I mean, sure you can
use me for sex,
120
00:04:58,866 --> 00:05:00,768
but God forbid we're out
in public together.
121
00:05:00,834 --> 00:05:02,403
That is not true.
122
00:05:02,470 --> 00:05:03,737
And let me remind you--
123
00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:05,773
it's the best sex
you've ever had.
124
00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:08,409
Charlie...
Your words,
not mine.
125
00:05:08,476 --> 00:05:10,911
Look, the last thing
in the world I want to do
126
00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:12,245
is hurt your feelings.
127
00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:13,847
Well, you have.
128
00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:22,423
Would you like to go
with me to the banquet?
129
00:05:22,490 --> 00:05:24,992
No, I don't want to go
where I'm not wanted.
130
00:05:25,058 --> 00:05:27,027
What do you want me
to do, beg?
131
00:05:27,094 --> 00:05:28,696
A little, yeah.
132
00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:34,435
Please come with me
to the banquet.
133
00:05:36,103 --> 00:05:37,104
A little more.
134
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:41,008
Pretty please.
135
00:05:41,074 --> 00:05:43,911
Come with me.
136
00:05:43,977 --> 00:05:46,514
All right...
137
00:05:46,580 --> 00:05:50,050
but then we gotta talk
about this banquet thing.
138
00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:55,589
* Men.
139
00:05:56,457 --> 00:05:57,491
Jake, do you
want Grandmommy
140
00:05:57,558 --> 00:05:59,460
to teach you how
to use chopsticks?
141
00:05:59,527 --> 00:06:00,528
Don't confuse him.
142
00:06:00,594 --> 00:06:02,496
He just learned
how to use a fork.
143
00:06:02,563 --> 00:06:05,933
Real funny, Alan.
144
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:12,172
Alan? What happened to Dad?
145
00:06:12,239 --> 00:06:14,508
He turned into Benito Mussoroni.
146
00:06:16,577 --> 00:06:18,812
The San Francisco treat?
147
00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:22,382
It's Mussolini, Professor.
148
00:06:22,450 --> 00:06:25,252
He's just upset because I won't
let him go to a concert tonight.
149
00:06:25,318 --> 00:06:26,587
Why not?
150
00:06:26,654 --> 00:06:28,522
Because there's no
adult supervision.
151
00:06:28,589 --> 00:06:30,257
Oh, don't be such
a fuddy-duddy, Alan.
152
00:06:30,323 --> 00:06:31,825
He's a teenager.
153
00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:34,027
Teenagers don't go to concerts
with their parents.
154
00:06:34,094 --> 00:06:36,464
I'm with Evelyn on this.
155
00:06:36,530 --> 00:06:38,365
Forget it.
156
00:06:38,432 --> 00:06:39,900
You're not going to the concert.
157
00:06:39,967 --> 00:06:40,934
Oh, listen to you.
158
00:06:41,001 --> 00:06:42,369
Remember when I said
you couldn't go
159
00:06:42,436 --> 00:06:43,471
to that Peter Frampton concert?
160
00:06:43,537 --> 00:06:44,638
You just snuck out
161
00:06:44,705 --> 00:06:46,106
of the house and went anyway.
162
00:06:46,173 --> 00:06:47,340
Really?
163
00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:48,408
Mom, no.
164
00:06:48,476 --> 00:06:50,611
I was in Martinique at the time,
165
00:06:50,678 --> 00:06:53,080
but the housekeeper
was beside herself.
166
00:06:55,015 --> 00:06:57,851
And-And-And I was severely
punished for that, right?
167
00:06:57,918 --> 00:07:01,655
Oh, sure, I tried grounding you
and taking away TV privileges.
168
00:07:01,722 --> 00:07:04,224
But at a certain point
every parent has to accept
169
00:07:04,291 --> 00:07:05,559
that they're powerless
170
00:07:05,626 --> 00:07:07,294
when it comes to controlling
a teenager.
171
00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:08,662
Really?
172
00:07:08,729 --> 00:07:10,464
No, no, not really.
173
00:07:10,531 --> 00:07:12,332
Parents are powerful--
very powerful.
174
00:07:12,399 --> 00:07:14,401
(snorts in derision)
175
00:07:14,468 --> 00:07:17,004
No, no... (snorting)
176
00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:20,941
Trust me, I'm only doing
this for your own good.
177
00:07:21,008 --> 00:07:23,644
(hissing snort)
178
00:07:27,347 --> 00:07:28,482
What the hell was that?
179
00:07:28,549 --> 00:07:30,317
The same thing Grandma did.
180
00:07:30,383 --> 00:07:32,920
No, it's not. You sound like
you're coughing up a furball.
181
00:07:32,986 --> 00:07:36,757
Yeah, well, I'm making
the same point.
182
00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:43,096
Did it even occur to you that
you could help me with this?
183
00:07:43,163 --> 00:07:46,667
I was not put on this Earth
to help you, Alan.
184
00:07:49,102 --> 00:07:50,838
You're my mother!
185
00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:54,975
Yes, and as you never tire of
pointing out, not a good one.
186
00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:58,378
Hey, Alan, do we have
any snack bars?
187
00:07:58,445 --> 00:07:59,880
Right-hand cabinet. Why?
188
00:07:59,947 --> 00:08:02,683
I need something
to soak up the booze
189
00:08:02,750 --> 00:08:05,285
I'll have to drink to make it
through this dinner.
190
00:08:05,352 --> 00:08:06,820
What's the occasion?
191
00:08:06,887 --> 00:08:09,189
My girlfriend is being honored
at a banquet tonight.
192
00:08:09,256 --> 00:08:12,593
Oh, I thought the Adult Film
Awards were in Vegas.
193
00:08:13,961 --> 00:08:16,429
She happens to be a judge.
194
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,566
Of the Adult Film Awards?
195
00:08:18,632 --> 00:08:23,070
No, no, a judge in the
Los Angeles Municipal Court.
196
00:08:23,136 --> 00:08:24,972
So, do I look okay?
197
00:08:25,038 --> 00:08:26,607
It's a tuxedo.
You can't go wrong.
198
00:08:26,674 --> 00:08:27,908
Well, I want to fit in.
199
00:08:27,975 --> 00:08:29,577
This is a very
conservative crowd.
200
00:08:29,643 --> 00:08:31,712
Oh, well, then you can go wrong.
201
00:08:31,779 --> 00:08:34,047
Thanks. Like I'm not
nervous enough?
202
00:08:34,114 --> 00:08:37,217
Oh, sweetheart, if you're
nervous, just try one of these.
203
00:08:37,284 --> 00:08:38,518
It'll relax you.
204
00:08:38,586 --> 00:08:40,220
Oh, perfect.
205
00:08:40,287 --> 00:08:43,056
Charlie, you just can't pop a
pill without knowing what it is.
206
00:08:43,123 --> 00:08:46,694
She just said what it is.
Thanks, Mom. I gotta go.
207
00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:50,063
Bye, sweetheart. Have a good
time with your judge, darling.
208
00:08:50,130 --> 00:08:51,064
(snorts in derision)
209
00:08:51,131 --> 00:08:52,232
That'll last.
210
00:08:54,067 --> 00:08:56,103
I think he's really
trying on this one.
211
00:08:58,005 --> 00:09:01,408
Uh-oh.
212
00:09:01,474 --> 00:09:03,276
What?
213
00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:05,012
Nothing.
214
00:09:06,446 --> 00:09:09,316
I guess I'll just have
to watch my DVD of Fantasia
215
00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:11,551
on the natch tonight.
216
00:09:17,691 --> 00:09:19,092
Congratulations,
Your Honor.
217
00:09:19,159 --> 00:09:19,860
Well-deserved.
218
00:09:19,927 --> 00:09:21,361
Oh, thank you, Councilman.
219
00:09:21,428 --> 00:09:23,530
I'd like you to meet
my friend Charlie Harper.
220
00:09:23,597 --> 00:09:27,567
Charlie, this is
Councilman Stewart.
221
00:09:29,469 --> 00:09:30,638
Charlie?
222
00:09:30,704 --> 00:09:33,406
Yeah, hi. How are ya?
223
00:09:33,473 --> 00:09:35,275
Again, congratulations.
224
00:09:35,342 --> 00:09:37,344
Thanks.
225
00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:42,182
Charlie, are you okay?
226
00:09:42,249 --> 00:09:44,584
I'm wonderful.
227
00:09:45,552 --> 00:09:48,455
Look at all the colors.
228
00:09:48,521 --> 00:09:52,993
It's like I'm drinking
a rainbow.
229
00:10:04,004 --> 00:10:05,806
Hang on.
He's probably in his room.
230
00:10:05,873 --> 00:10:08,141
Jake, your mom's on the phone!
231
00:10:10,510 --> 00:10:11,979
Jake?
232
00:10:16,583 --> 00:10:18,085
Jake?
233
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:29,462
Son of a bitch!
234
00:10:29,529 --> 00:10:30,664
Are you all right?
235
00:10:30,731 --> 00:10:32,299
What?
236
00:10:32,365 --> 00:10:35,368
Oh. I, uh, I stubbed my toe.
237
00:10:35,435 --> 00:10:38,338
Yeah. Yeah, it may be broken.
238
00:10:38,405 --> 00:10:39,907
Um...
239
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:43,510
Yeah. I'm, a, I'm gonna go
to the emergency room.
240
00:10:43,576 --> 00:10:46,847
Oh, no, no, no. I, uh,
I have to take Jake with me.
241
00:10:46,914 --> 00:10:51,118
So we can go
in the carpool lane.
242
00:10:51,184 --> 00:10:53,020
Jake, help daddy
find his toenail.
243
00:10:53,086 --> 00:10:55,155
I'll have him
call you later, okay?
244
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:05,065
So, without further ado,
245
00:11:05,132 --> 00:11:06,767
here's our guest of honor,
246
00:11:06,834 --> 00:11:08,268
judge of the year
247
00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:10,871
and, I'm proud to say,
my good friend,
248
00:11:10,938 --> 00:11:12,072
Judge Linda Harris!
249
00:11:12,139 --> 00:11:13,073
Yeah!
250
00:11:16,877 --> 00:11:19,412
(whistles)
251
00:11:19,479 --> 00:11:22,015
Who the judge? You the judge!
252
00:11:24,785 --> 00:11:26,720
I'm hitting at it.
253
00:11:27,721 --> 00:11:29,723
* Men.
254
00:11:32,793 --> 00:11:36,529
* Two hours of pushing broom
255
00:11:36,596 --> 00:11:39,767
* To pay for a four-bit room
256
00:11:39,833 --> 00:11:43,937
* I'm a man of means,
by no means... *
257
00:11:45,505 --> 00:11:48,742
* King of the road.
258
00:11:50,443 --> 00:11:52,379
Los Angeles! Thank you!
259
00:11:56,884 --> 00:11:58,819
Hey, look who's here.
260
00:11:58,886 --> 00:12:00,453
Shh! Keep it down!
261
00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:02,422
Right. We don't want to wake me.
262
00:12:04,391 --> 00:12:06,794
What are you doing
sitting out here?
263
00:12:06,860 --> 00:12:08,896
I can't stand up.
264
00:12:08,962 --> 00:12:11,564
Don't make a thing out of it.
265
00:12:11,631 --> 00:12:13,700
What are you doing?
266
00:12:13,767 --> 00:12:15,668
I snuck out to see a concert.
267
00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:18,405
No way.
268
00:12:18,471 --> 00:12:24,444
That is so cool.
269
00:12:25,512 --> 00:12:26,579
Okay.
270
00:12:26,646 --> 00:12:29,316
Third time's the charm.
271
00:12:29,382 --> 00:12:30,183
Hey.
272
00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:32,485
Want to know
what else is cool?
273
00:12:32,552 --> 00:12:33,353
Check this out.
274
00:12:33,420 --> 00:12:35,088
(coins jingling)
275
00:12:35,155 --> 00:12:37,624
* Just hear the sleigh bells
ringing, ring-ting-tingling... *
276
00:12:37,690 --> 00:12:38,859
Shh!
Hey! Hey!
277
00:12:38,926 --> 00:12:40,360
I'm caroling here.
278
00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:42,529
You should be bringing me
cocoa and gingerbread.
279
00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:44,264
Cocoa and gingerbread?
280
00:12:44,331 --> 00:12:47,334
Yeah, they work
at the Screaming Rhino.
281
00:12:49,336 --> 00:12:50,403
But..
282
00:12:50,470 --> 00:12:52,840
I digress.
283
00:12:52,906 --> 00:12:54,474
Where were we?
284
00:12:54,541 --> 00:12:57,177
My dad doesn't know I went out,
so now I have to sneak back in.
285
00:12:57,244 --> 00:12:59,880
Oh. Well, then, you
certainly don't want
286
00:12:59,947 --> 00:13:02,449
to go through this door.
287
00:13:02,515 --> 00:13:03,583
Why not?
288
00:13:03,650 --> 00:13:04,818
Why not?
289
00:13:04,885 --> 00:13:06,253
I'll tell you why not.
290
00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:14,727
What?
291
00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:16,529
Why not?
292
00:13:16,596 --> 00:13:18,832
Why not what?
293
00:13:18,899 --> 00:13:20,633
Why can't I go
through that door?
294
00:13:20,700 --> 00:13:23,703
Oh. Why didn't you say so?
295
00:13:23,770 --> 00:13:26,673
If I know your dad...
296
00:13:26,739 --> 00:13:29,109
and, sadly, I do,
297
00:13:29,176 --> 00:13:31,044
he's sitting in there right now
298
00:13:31,111 --> 00:13:33,546
just waiting
to tie you to a rock
299
00:13:33,613 --> 00:13:36,383
and throw you in the ocean.
300
00:13:36,449 --> 00:13:37,584
What?
301
00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:40,888
Sorry. I may have put
the idea in his head.
302
00:13:43,256 --> 00:13:44,191
Follow me.
303
00:13:45,558 --> 00:13:46,526
Where are we going?
304
00:13:46,593 --> 00:13:48,828
Hey! I'll ask the questions.
305
00:13:48,896 --> 00:13:53,033
Where are we going?
306
00:13:59,739 --> 00:14:01,608
I'm okay.
307
00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:04,077
Here.
308
00:14:04,144 --> 00:14:08,115
Grab my what-do-
you-call-it. Hand.
309
00:14:09,116 --> 00:14:11,051
CHARLIE:
I'm okay.
310
00:14:11,118 --> 00:14:13,586
That's good, but you're
sitting on my head.
311
00:14:20,393 --> 00:14:22,829
Do you have any idea
how much trouble you're in?
312
00:14:22,896 --> 00:14:25,632
I do not.
313
00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:26,934
Do you have any idea
314
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:29,502
how beautiful you
look in that light?
315
00:14:29,569 --> 00:14:31,204
I'm not talking to you.
316
00:14:31,271 --> 00:14:33,873
Well, I'm not talking
to you either.
317
00:14:33,941 --> 00:14:35,575
Except for right now.
318
00:14:35,642 --> 00:14:37,177
This is me talking to you.
319
00:14:37,244 --> 00:14:41,048
But, no longer. (cheek pops)
320
00:14:41,114 --> 00:14:43,951
Would you please
just... go to sleep.
321
00:14:44,017 --> 00:14:45,318
Okey-dokey.
322
00:14:47,487 --> 00:14:49,489
You and I have
some talking to do.
323
00:14:49,556 --> 00:14:52,425
Will you make up
your freaking mind.
324
00:14:53,826 --> 00:14:56,229
* Men.
325
00:14:59,933 --> 00:15:01,068
Morning.
326
00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:05,538
What, you're not
talking to me now?
327
00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:07,607
I looked up "patricide."
328
00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:12,345
Really.
329
00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:13,981
When did you learn to spell?
330
00:15:14,047 --> 00:15:16,950
I sounded it out.
331
00:15:19,086 --> 00:15:20,187
Patricide, huh?
332
00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:22,355
Our little boy's growing up.
333
00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:24,324
He's just upset
'cause he snuck out
334
00:15:24,391 --> 00:15:27,494
so I grounded him
for three months.
335
00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:28,962
Ooh, that'll show him.
336
00:15:29,029 --> 00:15:30,697
What am I gonna do, Berta?
I can't hit him.
337
00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:32,099
Well, sure you can.
338
00:15:32,165 --> 00:15:35,935
You just gotta figure
the wind, and lead him.
339
00:15:37,337 --> 00:15:39,439
They're like pheasants.
340
00:15:39,506 --> 00:15:42,342
Very funny.
341
00:15:42,409 --> 00:15:43,510
Uh-oh.
342
00:15:43,576 --> 00:15:45,145
What?
343
00:15:45,212 --> 00:15:48,015
Charlie's gonna
want to see this.
344
00:15:48,081 --> 00:15:49,549
No, he's not.
345
00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:53,886
Charlie?
346
00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:55,022
Wake up.
347
00:15:55,088 --> 00:15:56,289
You need to see this.
348
00:15:56,356 --> 00:15:59,326
Can I throw up in it?
349
00:15:59,392 --> 00:16:00,360
No.
350
00:16:00,427 --> 00:16:03,096
Then I don't need to see it.
351
00:16:03,163 --> 00:16:05,398
Charlie, do you remember
what you did last night?
352
00:16:09,836 --> 00:16:11,838
Oh, damn it.
353
00:16:11,904 --> 00:16:13,673
Did I get married?
354
00:16:15,708 --> 00:16:16,709
Hardly.
355
00:16:27,554 --> 00:16:29,689
No. I just know
she's gonna find a way
356
00:16:29,756 --> 00:16:31,724
to make this my fault.
357
00:16:35,795 --> 00:16:36,863
* Men.
358
00:16:36,929 --> 00:16:38,765
You climbed out the window?
359
00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:42,001
And got into a car driven
by a 17-year-old boy.
360
00:16:42,069 --> 00:16:43,436
It wasn't a car, Dad.
361
00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:45,972
It was an extremely safe
monster truck.
362
00:16:46,039 --> 00:16:47,874
I mean, even if Rocco
hit another car,
363
00:16:47,940 --> 00:16:49,342
he'd just crush it.
364
00:16:49,409 --> 00:16:51,511
The point is,
you disobeyed your father.
365
00:16:51,578 --> 00:16:53,913
That doesn't mean I have to get
grounded for three months.
366
00:16:53,980 --> 00:16:56,583
Hey, in my opinion, your
punishment isn't severe enough.
367
00:16:56,649 --> 00:16:57,550
Your mother's right.
368
00:16:57,617 --> 00:16:59,552
How come nobody ever
asks my opinion?
369
00:16:59,619 --> 00:17:03,623
Go to your room
and we'll talk to you later.
370
00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:06,926
Hey, thanks for backing
me up here, Judith.
371
00:17:06,993 --> 00:17:08,395
Now that he's a teenager,
372
00:17:08,461 --> 00:17:10,430
we really need to stick
together in order to...
373
00:17:10,497 --> 00:17:12,332
You don't have a brain
in your head, do you?
374
00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:14,167
You have to watch
teenagers, Alan.
375
00:17:14,234 --> 00:17:16,569
You can't just expect that
they'll listen and obey.
376
00:17:16,636 --> 00:17:18,238
God, you're useless.
377
00:17:36,256 --> 00:17:37,724
Here, let me give you a hand.
378
00:17:39,859 --> 00:17:42,262
Really?
Yeah.
379
00:17:42,329 --> 00:17:43,330
Now, come with me.
380
00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:44,631
Where are we going?
381
00:17:44,697 --> 00:17:46,266
You're going back
to your room.
382
00:17:46,333 --> 00:17:50,503
And I am going to the
sweet land of vindication.
383
00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:51,638
Oh, Judith?
384
00:17:52,505 --> 00:17:55,475
* Men.
385
00:17:56,509 --> 00:17:57,844
(knocking)
386
00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:59,512
Yes?
387
00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:01,114
Hey.
388
00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:03,383
What are you doing here?
389
00:18:04,817 --> 00:18:06,119
I came to apologize.
390
00:18:07,019 --> 00:18:08,255
I am sorry about last night.
391
00:18:08,321 --> 00:18:10,022
You're sorry?
392
00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:13,260
For ruining one of the most
important nights of my career?
393
00:18:13,326 --> 00:18:15,962
For embarrassing me
within an inch of my life.
394
00:18:16,028 --> 00:18:17,197
Ooh... yeah.
395
00:18:17,264 --> 00:18:19,199
I mean, unless
I did something else.
396
00:18:19,266 --> 00:18:22,101
No, you did quite enough,
thank you.
397
00:18:22,169 --> 00:18:24,404
Look, I understand
why you're mad,
398
00:18:24,471 --> 00:18:25,938
but it really wasn't my fault.
399
00:18:26,005 --> 00:18:28,808
I was nervous about last night,
so my mother gave me
400
00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:30,943
what I assumed was one
of her tranquilizers.
401
00:18:31,010 --> 00:18:33,313
But now I'm thinking
it was a little something
402
00:18:33,380 --> 00:18:35,415
she had left over
from Woodstock.
403
00:18:36,683 --> 00:18:37,750
Charlie.
404
00:18:37,817 --> 00:18:39,085
Look.
405
00:18:39,152 --> 00:18:42,088
You're a lot of fun
and, and I like you,
406
00:18:42,155 --> 00:18:43,390
but people are talking
about me running
407
00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:44,991
for state senate next year.
408
00:18:45,057 --> 00:18:49,296
and I can't afford to be linked
publicly to someone like you.
409
00:18:49,362 --> 00:18:50,763
Well, that's not a problem.
410
00:18:50,830 --> 00:18:53,566
We'll just sneak around
and link privately.
411
00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:55,067
No, Charlie.
412
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:56,369
Oh, come on. All
the guy politicians
413
00:18:56,436 --> 00:18:57,637
have something on the side.
414
00:18:57,704 --> 00:18:59,172
Why shouldn't you?
415
00:19:05,178 --> 00:19:06,879
Take care.
416
00:19:11,884 --> 00:19:16,256
It would send a powerful message
to young women everywhere.
417
00:19:17,190 --> 00:19:18,225
Bailiff!
418
00:19:18,291 --> 00:19:19,592
I'm going.
419
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:22,695
* Men.
420
00:19:30,837 --> 00:19:33,105
Pretty flowers.
421
00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:34,941
Thanks.
422
00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:38,345
Want to stick them
in something?
423
00:19:44,851 --> 00:19:45,785
Never mind.
424
00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:50,490
I thought I was
up to it, Alan.
425
00:19:50,557 --> 00:19:53,960
I thought I was ready
for a real relationship,
426
00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:56,596
and Linda and I would be a team.
427
00:19:56,663 --> 00:19:57,530
I'd stand by her
428
00:19:57,597 --> 00:19:59,899
as an accomplished woman
and a judge
429
00:19:59,966 --> 00:20:03,336
and she'd stand by me as a...
430
00:20:03,403 --> 00:20:05,438
Reformed whoremonger?
431
00:20:07,307 --> 00:20:08,875
So you believe
I was trying.
432
00:20:08,941 --> 00:20:10,109
I do.
433
00:20:10,176 --> 00:20:11,578
And you know what?
Someday you'll look back
434
00:20:11,644 --> 00:20:13,646
on this as a growing
experience.
435
00:20:13,713 --> 00:20:15,615
Maybe.
436
00:20:15,682 --> 00:20:16,649
Someday.
437
00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:18,285
(doorbell rings)
438
00:20:18,351 --> 00:20:20,287
Oh, who could that be?
439
00:20:20,353 --> 00:20:23,055
I ordered
some takeout.
440
00:20:23,122 --> 00:20:24,724
Ah, nice, Italian?
441
00:20:24,791 --> 00:20:26,693
Nope.
442
00:20:26,759 --> 00:20:27,694
Hi.
443
00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:28,328
Are you Charlie?
444
00:20:28,395 --> 00:20:30,530
Yeah, come on in.
445
00:20:30,597 --> 00:20:31,531
Greek.
446
00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:35,768
Be patient with me.
447
00:20:35,835 --> 00:20:40,273
I'm coming off
a bad breakup.
448
00:20:40,340 --> 00:20:41,974
And, as usual,
449
00:20:42,041 --> 00:20:42,809
Alan gets chicken pot pie.
29704
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