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1
00:00:02,104 --> 00:00:06,164
And now, a fireside chat
with the creators of South Park:
2
00:00:06,344 --> 00:00:09,804
Matt Stone and Trey Parker.
3
00:00:15,554 --> 00:00:18,714
- Oh, hello. I'm Trey Parker.
- I'm Matt Stone.
4
00:00:18,924 --> 00:00:22,084
This here's old Scratch.
Say hi, old fella.
5
00:00:22,254 --> 00:00:27,494
This episode is called "Weight Gain
4000." It's our favorite episode.
6
00:00:27,664 --> 00:00:30,424
Kathie Lee Gifford comes
to South Park...
7
00:00:30,604 --> 00:00:34,664
...and Eric Cartman beefs
himself up for the big day.
8
00:00:34,874 --> 00:00:38,204
How much weight does Cartman
gain in this episode?
9
00:00:38,374 --> 00:00:42,334
After Cartman eats Weight Gain 4000,
he gains 700 pounds.
10
00:00:42,544 --> 00:00:45,534
That makes him as heavy
as Sally Struthers.
11
00:00:45,744 --> 00:00:50,914
Has Kathie Lee Gifford offended you?
Was she flattered by her depiction?
12
00:00:51,084 --> 00:00:53,884
We don't really care.
We think she's a fu...
13
00:00:54,094 --> 00:01:00,054
Very wonderful woman. Both Trey and I
really respect her work with Regis.
14
00:01:00,534 --> 00:01:03,694
Guns and bullets seem
to be a recurring theme.
15
00:01:03,864 --> 00:01:06,734
Have either of you ever killed anyone?
16
00:01:07,404 --> 00:01:11,234
I would never kill somebody,
unless they pissed me off.
17
00:01:11,574 --> 00:01:15,234
Why do you keep killing Kenny?
What did he do to you?
18
00:01:15,414 --> 00:01:18,404
Kenny is definitely
our favorite character.
19
00:01:18,614 --> 00:01:24,114
But we have to kill him every episode.
This is one of our favorite deaths.
20
00:01:24,284 --> 00:01:29,814
How do you create a show like South
Park and remain pure and wholesome?
21
00:01:29,994 --> 00:01:34,324
Everyone thinks that to do South Park,
we must be wild rock stars...
22
00:01:34,494 --> 00:01:37,194
...but we're wholesome
Middle American guys.
23
00:01:37,364 --> 00:01:42,824
We enjoy soda pop, baseball and beating
up old people as much as anybody.
24
00:01:43,404 --> 00:01:48,844
So, now sit back, relax and enjoy
"Weight Gain 4000."
25
00:02:01,102 --> 00:02:04,102
* I'm goin' down to South Park *
* gonna have myself a time *
26
00:02:04,487 --> 00:02:07,618
* Friendly faces everywhere *
* humble folks without temptation *
27
00:02:07,970 --> 00:02:10,713
* Goin' down to South Park *
* gonna leave my woes behind *
28
00:02:11,100 --> 00:02:14,370
* Ample parking day or night *
* people spouting HOWDY NEIGHBOR *
29
00:02:14,653 --> 00:02:17,360
* Heading on up to South Park *
* gonna see if I can't unwind *
30
00:02:17,783 --> 00:02:21,088
* (I like girls with big fat t*****s) *
* (I like girls with big vag***s) *
31
00:02:21,123 --> 00:02:23,867
* So come on down to South Park *
* and meet some friends of mine *
32
00:02:26,914 --> 00:02:30,784
- Did you see that rainbow this morning?
- It was huge.
33
00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:32,474
I hate those things!
34
00:02:32,654 --> 00:02:36,454
- Nobody hates rainbows.
- What's there to hate about them?
35
00:02:36,664 --> 00:02:41,794
Well, you'll be minding your business
and they'll come marching in...
36
00:02:41,994 --> 00:02:45,994
...and crawl up your leg
and bite the inside of your ass.
37
00:02:46,174 --> 00:02:52,234
And you'll be all like, "Hey, get out
of my ass, you stupid rainbows!"
38
00:02:53,014 --> 00:02:58,274
- What the hell are you talking about?
- Rainbows. I hate those things.
39
00:02:58,444 --> 00:03:02,744
Rainbows are those arches of color
that show up when it rains.
40
00:03:02,924 --> 00:03:07,254
Oh, rainbows! Oh, yeah, I like those.
Those are cool.
41
00:03:07,424 --> 00:03:10,654
- What were you talking about?
- Nothing, forget it.
42
00:03:10,824 --> 00:03:14,164
What crawls up your leg
and bites the inside of your ass?
43
00:03:14,334 --> 00:03:15,324
Nothing!
44
00:03:15,494 --> 00:03:19,864
Children, remember the Save Our
Fragile Planet essay contest...
45
00:03:20,034 --> 00:03:23,304
...that you worked
so hard on last month?
46
00:03:24,344 --> 00:03:29,074
One of our very own South Park
students has won the national prize.
47
00:03:29,244 --> 00:03:31,334
Wow, I knew I would win.
48
00:03:31,514 --> 00:03:35,044
- Mr. Garrison, this sure is exciting.
- Right, Mr. Hat.
49
00:03:35,214 --> 00:03:39,484
The winner of the national Save Our
Fragile Planet contest is:
50
00:03:39,654 --> 00:03:40,954
Eric Cartman.
51
00:03:41,124 --> 00:03:42,354
- What?!
- What?!
52
00:03:42,524 --> 00:03:45,754
Congratulations on writing
the winning paper.
53
00:03:45,924 --> 00:03:47,194
Kick ass!
54
00:03:47,364 --> 00:03:51,064
Cartman doesn't know
a rain forest from a Pop-Tart.
55
00:03:51,234 --> 00:03:53,364
Yeah, I do. Pop-Tarts are frosted.
56
00:03:53,534 --> 00:03:57,874
Out of over a million papers,
Eric's was chosen as the winner.
57
00:03:58,044 --> 00:04:02,204
- Wow! What did you write about?
- You know, this and that.
58
00:04:02,374 --> 00:04:05,834
- He doesn't know what he wrote.
- What was your paper about?
59
00:04:06,014 --> 00:04:09,674
It was on the suffering
of bottle-nosed dolphins.
60
00:04:09,854 --> 00:04:14,154
You shouldn't have written
about dolphins. Dolphins are stupid.
61
00:04:14,324 --> 00:04:18,384
Dude, dolphins are the second
smartest animal on the planet.
62
00:04:18,564 --> 00:04:23,764
Right. If they're so damn smart, how
come they get caught in fishing nets?
63
00:04:23,934 --> 00:04:25,794
- What?
- Wait, there's more.
64
00:04:25,964 --> 00:04:31,704
It says here that Eric's trophy
will be presented to him by...
65
00:04:31,874 --> 00:04:33,844
...Kathie Lee Gifford?
66
00:04:34,014 --> 00:04:36,004
Kathie Lee is coming here?
67
00:04:36,184 --> 00:04:39,044
The presentation
will be on television.
68
00:04:39,214 --> 00:04:40,474
Television?
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00:04:40,684 --> 00:04:44,624
Kathie Lee Gifford.
I don't believe it.
70
00:04:44,784 --> 00:04:48,184
Kathie Lee Gifford in South Park!
71
00:04:48,354 --> 00:04:52,454
Oh, my God! This is our chance
to make a name for ourselves...
72
00:04:52,624 --> 00:04:55,594
...to show we're not some pissant
mountain town.
73
00:04:55,764 --> 00:04:58,424
It's a chance for you
to get publicity.
74
00:04:58,604 --> 00:05:04,164
If I can show how much I turned South
Park around, I could become a senator!
75
00:05:04,344 --> 00:05:08,474
- Maybe even a state senator!
- Let's decorate the town square.
76
00:05:08,644 --> 00:05:14,014
We should have the chef of the school
sing and show our ethnic diversity.
77
00:05:14,184 --> 00:05:17,014
That's right!
He's a black guy, isn't he?
78
00:05:17,184 --> 00:05:18,884
Black as the night.
79
00:05:19,054 --> 00:05:23,454
Yes! And we can have the children
of South Park put on a play.
80
00:05:23,624 --> 00:05:25,454
Kathie Lee loves children.
81
00:05:25,624 --> 00:05:28,754
If they're working
in a sweatshop, that is.
82
00:05:29,504 --> 00:05:30,524
Thank you.
83
00:05:30,704 --> 00:05:32,224
You guys, guess what?
84
00:05:32,404 --> 00:05:36,134
After I'm on television,
I'm gonna be totally famous.
85
00:05:36,304 --> 00:05:38,034
Hitler was famous too.
86
00:05:38,204 --> 00:05:40,074
- Hello, children.
- Hey, Chef.
87
00:05:40,244 --> 00:05:42,614
- How are my little crackers?
- Good.
88
00:05:42,784 --> 00:05:46,734
Did you hear? Kathie Lee Gifford
is coming to South Park!
89
00:05:46,914 --> 00:05:50,254
Because Cartman cheated
and won the essay contest.
90
00:05:50,454 --> 00:05:56,084
Yeah, whatever. But the mayor called
and asked me to sing at the ceremony.
91
00:05:56,264 --> 00:05:58,664
- Are you gonna do it?
- Of course.
92
00:05:58,824 --> 00:06:03,234
Kathie Lee is a beautiful,
sultry queen of sexual fantasy.
93
00:06:03,404 --> 00:06:09,204
If I sing to her, maybe I can lure her
into a night of exotic delectation.
94
00:06:09,374 --> 00:06:10,934
Yeah, that'd be cool!
95
00:06:11,196 --> 00:06:11,935
(Is your penis big?)
96
00:06:12,504 --> 00:06:16,374
Well, three times bigger
than Frank Gifford's, anyway.
97
00:06:16,544 --> 00:06:21,644
I can't concentrate on grading papers
with all this excitement.
98
00:06:21,914 --> 00:06:24,254
Why are you looking at me like that?
99
00:06:24,424 --> 00:06:28,944
Have you forgotten the pain
and suffering Kathie Lee caused you?
100
00:06:29,124 --> 00:06:33,654
Mr. Hat, that was a long time ago,
and I was only a child.
101
00:06:33,834 --> 00:06:36,124
We could've won that talent show.
102
00:06:37,464 --> 00:06:39,764
- Knock, knock, Mr. Hat.
- Who's there?
103
00:06:39,934 --> 00:06:41,734
- Orange.
- Orange who?
104
00:06:41,904 --> 00:06:45,734
Orange you glad I didn't say banana?
105
00:06:46,814 --> 00:06:48,504
Thank you.
106
00:06:50,114 --> 00:06:52,984
Wow, Mr. Hat.
Looks like we might win.
107
00:06:53,154 --> 00:06:56,174
And now, our last
talent-show finalist...
108
00:06:56,354 --> 00:06:58,484
...Kathie Lee Epstein.
109
00:07:28,754 --> 00:07:34,084
It wasn't fair. She had choreography.
How could we compete with that?
110
00:07:34,254 --> 00:07:38,664
But she's coming to South Park,
and I know how to make it better.
111
00:07:38,824 --> 00:07:40,194
How?
112
00:07:40,534 --> 00:07:43,934
No, Mr. Hat! I couldn't...
113
00:07:44,104 --> 00:07:47,864
...kill Kathie Lee Gifford.
114
00:07:50,104 --> 00:07:53,634
Children, as you all know,
Mrs. Kathie Lee Gifford...
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00:07:53,814 --> 00:07:57,834
...will be here to present the award
to some kid for an essay.
116
00:07:58,014 --> 00:07:59,774
- That kid is me!
- Whatever.
117
00:07:59,954 --> 00:08:02,944
I'm going to have
you luscious youngsters...
118
00:08:03,124 --> 00:08:06,454
...do a play about the history
of South Park.
119
00:08:06,624 --> 00:08:08,924
That's wonderful, right, Mr. Hat?
120
00:08:09,094 --> 00:08:10,554
- Kill her!
- Mr. Hat!
121
00:08:10,724 --> 00:08:14,124
Mr. Garrison, I'm asking you
to direct our play.
122
00:08:14,294 --> 00:08:15,454
That's perfect.
123
00:08:15,634 --> 00:08:20,094
You see, Mr. Hat, we don't have
to kill her. We can upstage her.
124
00:08:20,274 --> 00:08:25,004
You might want to review the essays.
We think Cartman cheated.
125
00:08:25,174 --> 00:08:31,604
Who cares? Now, kids, what's say
we give it our South Park best!
126
00:08:33,084 --> 00:08:37,284
- Who's our little prizewinner again?
- Me, Eric Cartman!
127
00:08:37,454 --> 00:08:41,984
How about we get in shape? We want
to look our best on TV, don't we?
128
00:08:42,154 --> 00:08:43,144
Yes, ma'am.
129
00:08:43,324 --> 00:08:47,264
I'm gonna be on television
I'm gonna be on television
130
00:08:48,834 --> 00:08:52,794
I'm gonna be on television
I'm gonna be on television
131
00:08:52,974 --> 00:08:56,494
We don't believe you won
that contest fairly, fat boy.
132
00:08:56,674 --> 00:09:00,544
Stop defending your girlfriend
for writing about stupid fish.
133
00:09:00,714 --> 00:09:05,544
- Dolphins are intelligent and friendly.
- Intelligent and friendly on rye bread.
134
00:09:05,714 --> 00:09:10,084
- Dolphins are smarter than you.
- Then why do they live in igloos?
135
00:09:10,254 --> 00:09:14,084
- That's not dolphins. That's Eskimos!
- Who cares?
136
00:09:14,254 --> 00:09:18,054
- It's tree-hugging hippie crap.
- Tell me what you wrote!
137
00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:20,954
I can't. I have to go home
and get in shape!
138
00:09:21,134 --> 00:09:25,594
Yeah, right! You'll go watch TV
and eat Cheesy Poofs, ass-master.
139
00:09:25,764 --> 00:09:27,104
Screw you, hippie!
140
00:09:28,434 --> 00:09:31,734
We'll be right back
to Jesus and Pals after this.
141
00:09:31,904 --> 00:09:35,304
Need to get in shape fast?
Wanna look your best?
142
00:09:35,474 --> 00:09:39,414
Tired of not getting chicks?
Tired of being a 90-pound weakling?
143
00:09:39,584 --> 00:09:41,814
Yeah, I only weigh 90 pounds.
144
00:09:41,984 --> 00:09:45,314
Then bulk up quick
with Weight Gain 4000!
145
00:09:45,484 --> 00:09:50,224
Over 4000 grams of saturated fat
per serving. Its formula is designed...
146
00:09:50,394 --> 00:09:54,834
...to go to the stomach,
where it is distributed to the blood!
147
00:09:54,994 --> 00:09:57,484
Now available at stores everywhere.
148
00:09:57,664 --> 00:09:59,864
- Say it with me, "Beefcake!"
- Beefcake.
149
00:10:00,034 --> 00:10:01,434
- Beefcake!
- Beefcake!
150
00:10:03,274 --> 00:10:06,104
May cause irreversible damage
to kidneys and liver.
151
00:10:06,274 --> 00:10:09,214
Mom, can you get me
some Weight Gain 4000?
152
00:10:09,374 --> 00:10:12,614
Okay, Eric.
I'll get you some tomorrow.
153
00:10:12,784 --> 00:10:15,714
But, Mom, I need it for tomorrow!
154
00:10:15,884 --> 00:10:18,714
But tomorrow is grocery day, Eric.
155
00:10:18,884 --> 00:10:20,354
Mom!
156
00:10:21,654 --> 00:10:26,994
Okay, okay. Well, I guess
I'll be going to the store now, then.
157
00:10:32,634 --> 00:10:33,964
No, no!
158
00:10:35,474 --> 00:10:37,064
Kill her!
159
00:10:37,244 --> 00:10:39,264
No, Mr. Hat, I won't do it.
160
00:10:39,444 --> 00:10:41,704
Kill!
161
00:10:43,084 --> 00:10:47,444
That does it. You're going
in the dresser drawer, Mr. Hat.
162
00:10:48,114 --> 00:10:53,244
- She'll make a fool of you again.
- Stay in that drawer, negative Nancy.
163
00:10:53,424 --> 00:10:54,584
Hey, dudes.
164
00:10:54,754 --> 00:10:59,324
What is wrong with you? Haven't you
noticed the snow on the ground?
165
00:10:59,494 --> 00:11:02,954
I have a nice body,
and I wanna show it off!
166
00:11:03,134 --> 00:11:07,794
- What? You've got to weigh 90 pounds!
- I'm up to 94, thank you very much.
167
00:11:07,795 --> 00:11:09,095
(Look at the size of his boobs!)
168
00:11:09,434 --> 00:11:12,734
Yeah, they're almost
as big as his mom's!
169
00:11:12,904 --> 00:11:17,034
Laugh all you want! I'll be the one
on TV looking all buff.
170
00:11:17,214 --> 00:11:21,314
- What's that stuff?
- Weight Gain 4000. It's bulking me up.
171
00:11:21,484 --> 00:11:24,184
- Bulk up to what? Fat-ass?
- Super fat-ass?
172
00:11:24,354 --> 00:11:29,724
Hey, I don't have to take that kind
of crap from you scrawny weaklings!
173
00:11:31,924 --> 00:11:36,954
Sweet, check me out. I'm such a
beefcake I can't get through the door.
174
00:11:37,134 --> 00:11:40,534
Come on, people. We've got
to turn this place around.
175
00:11:40,704 --> 00:11:44,864
Hang up the lights, string up
the banners, castrate the cows!
176
00:11:46,444 --> 00:11:49,934
Well, Mr. Garrison,
how is the little play going?
177
00:11:50,114 --> 00:11:53,314
Fine. We were just about
to run it from the top.
178
00:11:53,484 --> 00:11:56,644
Oh, please do. I'm dying to see it.
179
00:11:56,824 --> 00:12:00,254
All the little pioneers
on this side of the stage.
180
00:12:00,424 --> 00:12:03,824
All the little Indians
to the center of the stage.
181
00:12:03,994 --> 00:12:07,724
- Am I an Indian or a pioneer?
- You have a feather on your head?
182
00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:10,764
- Yes.
- Then you're an Indian.
183
00:12:10,934 --> 00:12:12,834
Bebe, this is your line.
184
00:12:13,004 --> 00:12:16,404
This is the story of South Park.
185
00:12:16,574 --> 00:12:19,734
It begins over 100 years ago...
186
00:12:19,914 --> 00:12:26,044
...when the noble and hearty
Ute Indians lived on the land.
187
00:12:28,184 --> 00:12:30,714
Oh, don't they look adorable?
188
00:12:30,884 --> 00:12:34,824
Then from the East came
the great white pioneers.
189
00:12:40,164 --> 00:12:43,294
- Oh, my God!
- They did it better this morning.
190
00:12:43,464 --> 00:12:44,894
They had more energy.
191
00:12:45,064 --> 00:12:47,834
The pioneers met with the Indians...
192
00:12:48,004 --> 00:12:52,104
...and negotiated
for their fertile lands.
193
00:12:52,304 --> 00:12:57,614
We cannot have our children beating
each other in front of Kathie Lee!
194
00:12:57,784 --> 00:13:00,754
What do you want?
This is how it happened.
195
00:13:00,914 --> 00:13:03,114
Take that, you stupid Indian!
196
00:13:03,284 --> 00:13:06,184
Mr. Garrison, this is not appropriate!
197
00:13:06,354 --> 00:13:10,694
Do you actually think that
Kathie Lee Gifford would enjoy this?
198
00:13:10,864 --> 00:13:13,984
To hell with Kathie Lee Gifford!
199
00:13:15,564 --> 00:13:17,264
What have I said?
200
00:13:17,434 --> 00:13:20,234
He said,
"To hell with Kathie Lee Gifford!"
201
00:13:20,534 --> 00:13:25,944
Mr. Garrison, I am dismissing you
from directing our play.
202
00:13:28,174 --> 00:13:33,374
It happened again, didn't it?
Now we do things my way.
203
00:13:33,584 --> 00:13:36,454
I can't kill her, Mr. Hat.
204
00:13:36,624 --> 00:13:39,644
You're gonna have to do it.
205
00:13:45,524 --> 00:13:50,124
- Cartman, talk about wide load.
- I'm starting to fill out nicely.
206
00:13:50,304 --> 00:13:52,994
No, you're not.
You're fatter than ever!
207
00:13:53,164 --> 00:13:55,534
I'm not fat, I'm getting in shape!
208
00:13:55,704 --> 00:13:59,264
You're such a fat-ass,
when you walk around, people go:
209
00:13:59,444 --> 00:14:01,534
"Goddamn, that's a big fat-ass!"
210
00:14:01,714 --> 00:14:04,204
No, they don't, you jealous weakling!
211
00:14:04,414 --> 00:14:07,744
Goddamn, that's a big fat-ass!
212
00:14:08,084 --> 00:14:10,954
- Hi, guys.
- Oh, look, another hippie.
213
00:14:11,124 --> 00:14:13,884
- Peace, Wendy.
- Shut up, Cartman!
214
00:14:14,054 --> 00:14:16,544
Two little hippies sitting in a tree
215
00:14:16,824 --> 00:14:20,694
I'll find Cartman's paper
and get to the bottom of this.
216
00:14:22,534 --> 00:14:26,054
- Can I help you?
- Yes. I need a gun.
217
00:14:26,234 --> 00:14:29,534
Would this be for hunting,
protection or other?
218
00:14:29,704 --> 00:14:31,294
- Other.
- Alrighty then.
219
00:14:31,474 --> 00:14:35,204
May I suggest a Stratford 1 2 mm?
Go ahead. Try it on!
220
00:14:35,944 --> 00:14:40,314
That looks nice on you.
The lacquered black matches your eyes.
221
00:14:40,484 --> 00:14:43,854
You talking to me?
You talking to me?
222
00:14:44,124 --> 00:14:48,074
- I don't know, it's a little small.
- Okay. How about this?
223
00:14:48,254 --> 00:14:51,524
You talking to me?
I don't like this one either.
224
00:14:51,694 --> 00:14:54,284
Here's the same gun
with a wood finish.
225
00:14:54,464 --> 00:14:55,654
You talking to me?!
226
00:14:55,894 --> 00:15:00,064
I don't see anybody else here,
so you must be talking to me.
227
00:15:00,234 --> 00:15:01,534
I'll take it.
228
00:15:02,204 --> 00:15:03,364
Hello?
229
00:15:20,054 --> 00:15:22,524
"My essay, by Eric Cartman.
230
00:15:22,694 --> 00:15:26,784
When I wrote the following pages,
or rather the bulk of them...
231
00:15:26,964 --> 00:15:30,334
...I lived alone in the woods
on the shore of..."
232
00:15:32,334 --> 00:15:37,634
Mr. Hat, old Kathie Lee really will be
surprised when she gets here tomorrow.
233
00:15:37,804 --> 00:15:41,174
She beat us in the talent show
all those years ago.
234
00:15:41,344 --> 00:15:43,604
I think we owe her for that.
235
00:15:45,344 --> 00:15:46,614
Oh, my God!
236
00:15:53,924 --> 00:15:57,254
- Howdy, Mr. Garrison. Nice gun.
- Thank you.
237
00:15:57,424 --> 00:16:00,654
- Nice gun, Mr. Garrison.
- Thanks.
238
00:16:00,834 --> 00:16:03,234
- Hello, Officer Barbrady.
- Nice gun.
239
00:16:03,404 --> 00:16:09,364
Is there somewhere in town I can get a
good, clear shot... view of Kathie Lee?
240
00:16:09,604 --> 00:16:13,264
I think the book depository
would be a good bet.
241
00:16:16,114 --> 00:16:20,204
That might do quite nicely.
Thank you, Officer Barbrady.
242
00:16:20,384 --> 00:16:21,944
No problem.
243
00:16:22,184 --> 00:16:25,744
Caught you red-handed!
No pictures of Kathie Lee!
244
00:16:26,794 --> 00:16:28,754
Where is she?
245
00:16:29,624 --> 00:16:34,964
This is sweet. Camera crews are
setting up, and I look totally ripped.
246
00:16:35,134 --> 00:16:39,394
- Beefcake. Beefcake!
- They won't get all of you in frame.
247
00:16:39,604 --> 00:16:42,234
- Guys, we have to stop him!
- Stop who?
248
00:16:42,404 --> 00:16:46,804
Mr. Garrison! He's going to try
to kill Kathie Lee Gifford!
249
00:16:46,974 --> 00:16:50,304
No, you don't!
You won't ruin my moment of fame.
250
00:16:50,484 --> 00:16:51,674
He's got a gun!
251
00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:54,574
You gotta get over
this jealousy thing.
252
00:16:54,754 --> 00:16:58,614
Seriously, just face it.
I wrote a better paper than you.
253
00:16:58,784 --> 00:17:03,354
It just so happens that I have
your paper, and I know why you won.
254
00:17:03,524 --> 00:17:06,254
There's something more important now.
255
00:17:06,424 --> 00:17:09,624
You've got to prioritize.
What's more important:
256
00:17:09,794 --> 00:17:12,764
Being on TV
or some stupid assassination?
257
00:17:12,934 --> 00:17:16,774
Stan, I can't do it alone. Please?
258
00:17:16,944 --> 00:17:18,564
We're losing him.
259
00:17:18,744 --> 00:17:20,334
Here she comes!
260
00:17:27,854 --> 00:17:32,014
Damn, I'm not the only one
who's thought of killing her.
261
00:17:32,184 --> 00:17:34,784
We love you, Kathie Lee!
262
00:17:34,954 --> 00:17:36,614
We love you too.
263
00:17:36,794 --> 00:17:39,924
Come on, you little bitch.
264
00:17:40,094 --> 00:17:43,324
You've gotta leave your precious
bubble sometime.
265
00:17:43,504 --> 00:17:47,564
It is with great pride and honor
that I'd like to welcome...
266
00:17:47,734 --> 00:17:51,404
...Mrs. Kathie Lee Gifford
to South Park!
267
00:17:53,974 --> 00:17:57,674
And now our very own
South Park Elementary chef...
268
00:17:57,884 --> 00:18:01,714
...will sing a special song
in honor of Mrs. Lee Gifford!
269
00:18:02,814 --> 00:18:04,444
Thank you, Mr. Mayor.
270
00:18:04,654 --> 00:18:08,554
You know, Kathie Lee,
you are a very special woman.
271
00:18:08,724 --> 00:18:12,184
I don't mean special
in a Mary Tyler Moore way...
272
00:18:12,394 --> 00:18:16,294
...or special in an extra-value meal
at Happy Burger way.
273
00:18:16,494 --> 00:18:21,234
No, no, no. I mean special.
Like the song of the hummingbird...
274
00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:25,034
...as it gets ready to find
that female hummingbird...
275
00:18:25,244 --> 00:18:28,264
...and make sweet love
to it all night long.
276
00:18:28,474 --> 00:18:31,644
Just two hummingbirds
moaning and groaning...
277
00:18:31,814 --> 00:18:36,304
...and letting their bodies caress
and touch each other in ecstasy.
278
00:18:46,864 --> 00:18:48,424
What?
279
00:18:50,804 --> 00:18:52,264
What?!
280
00:18:53,874 --> 00:18:58,204
Thank you, Chef,
for that heartwarming song.
281
00:18:58,374 --> 00:19:00,894
Thank you, Chef!
282
00:19:01,214 --> 00:19:04,114
God bless you, Kathie Lee!
283
00:19:04,684 --> 00:19:09,084
Mr. Garrison is about to kill
Kathie Lee! We have to find him!
284
00:19:09,284 --> 00:19:12,774
What? You mean the teacher?
Wait a minute.
285
00:19:13,424 --> 00:19:18,884
Is there somewhere in town I can get a
good, clear shot... view of Kathie Lee?
286
00:19:19,364 --> 00:19:22,694
I think the book depository
would be a good bet.
287
00:19:22,864 --> 00:19:26,494
I think the book depository
would be a good bet.
288
00:19:26,664 --> 00:19:28,894
Book depository. Depository.
289
00:19:29,074 --> 00:19:32,764
Damn, he could be anywhere!
I'll send out an APB.
290
00:19:32,944 --> 00:19:35,174
Wendy, look!
291
00:19:35,474 --> 00:19:38,444
And now, here to present the award...
292
00:19:38,644 --> 00:19:42,374
...for the environmental essay
to our own Eric Kaufman...
293
00:19:42,584 --> 00:19:44,214
Cartman, goddamn it!
294
00:19:44,384 --> 00:19:47,484
...is your favorite celebrity
and mine...
295
00:19:47,924 --> 00:19:50,954
...Kathie Lee Gifford!
296
00:19:54,634 --> 00:19:56,794
Thank you. I love you all.
297
00:19:57,064 --> 00:19:58,894
Mr. Garrison! Stop!
298
00:19:59,064 --> 00:20:02,404
Leave us. We must finish
what we have begun.
299
00:20:02,574 --> 00:20:05,874
I know she's hurt you.
She's hurt a lot of people.
300
00:20:06,044 --> 00:20:09,874
- You can't know.
- You should've won that talent show.
301
00:20:10,044 --> 00:20:14,504
It is with honor and pride
that I present the winner this trophy.
302
00:20:14,684 --> 00:20:20,244
- Eric, would you please come up here?
- Here it is, my big moment of fame.
303
00:20:20,424 --> 00:20:24,324
Then she threw her voice
with two dummies at once.
304
00:20:24,494 --> 00:20:27,554
I know that,
but this isn't the answer.
305
00:20:27,734 --> 00:20:31,024
It is too late for me, young Wendy.
306
00:20:33,134 --> 00:20:37,094
I've learned something today.
You can't win all the time.
307
00:20:37,274 --> 00:20:41,534
If you don't win, you can't hold it
against the person who did...
308
00:20:41,744 --> 00:20:45,234
...because that's the only way
you ever really lose.
309
00:20:45,414 --> 00:20:47,644
You're right.
310
00:20:47,814 --> 00:20:49,304
Good.
311
00:20:49,514 --> 00:20:52,754
She really threw her voice
with two dummies?
312
00:20:52,924 --> 00:20:54,324
The bitch must die!
313
00:20:57,955 --> 00:20:59,255
(Oh no)
314
00:21:04,004 --> 00:21:08,064
Oh, my God, they killed Kenny!
You bastard!
315
00:21:08,534 --> 00:21:10,004
- Gun!
- Gun!
316
00:21:10,204 --> 00:21:14,734
Hey, come back!
We didn't even get to do our play!
317
00:21:15,344 --> 00:21:16,934
That's it. Wrap it up.
318
00:21:17,114 --> 00:21:21,014
Hey, wait a minute.
When do I get to be on television?
319
00:21:21,184 --> 00:21:24,084
Forget it.
No Kathie Lee, no public interest.
320
00:21:24,254 --> 00:21:27,654
But I won the environmental
essay contest!
321
00:21:27,824 --> 00:21:31,594
You don't deserve to win, Cartman,
and you know it!
322
00:21:31,764 --> 00:21:36,664
I'm holding Cartman's paper. It's
actually nothing more than Walden...
323
00:21:36,834 --> 00:21:41,824
...with Thoreau's name crossed out and
Cartman's name written in its place.
324
00:21:42,034 --> 00:21:45,094
- Who cares?
- Kathie Lee Gifford's gone.
325
00:21:45,274 --> 00:21:48,764
What about not holding anything
against the winner?
326
00:21:48,944 --> 00:21:51,244
Well, not if it's Cartman.
327
00:21:51,414 --> 00:21:56,444
Hey, where are you all going?
They don't even know what Walden is.
328
00:21:56,614 --> 00:22:00,214
I bet if Walden was a sitcom
you'd know what it was!
329
00:22:00,394 --> 00:22:03,724
Come on. Kyle's mom will make
tuna-fish sandwiches.
330
00:22:03,894 --> 00:22:05,054
What the hell.
331
00:22:05,664 --> 00:22:10,754
No, no! Now I'll be stuck
in this Podunk town forever...
332
00:22:10,964 --> 00:22:16,204
...with all these stupid, hick,
redneck, jobless, truck-driving idiots!
333
00:22:16,374 --> 00:22:18,734
Mayor, the mike is on.
334
00:22:18,944 --> 00:22:21,734
Thought you could get away
with it, Mr. Hat?
335
00:22:21,914 --> 00:22:25,004
I would have, if it weren't
for those meddling kids.
336
00:22:25,184 --> 00:22:29,554
You're lucky you missed Kathie Lee
and that nobody got hurt.
337
00:22:31,624 --> 00:22:34,214
We hope you can come back
to school soon.
338
00:22:34,394 --> 00:22:38,524
I'd love to, but the doctors say
Mr. Hat needs more therapy.
339
00:22:38,694 --> 00:22:40,854
We can still get her!
340
00:22:41,034 --> 00:22:45,164
I'm just sorry I ruined everyone's
chances for being on TV.
341
00:22:45,334 --> 00:22:47,964
Not Cartman.
He gets to be on TV anyway.
342
00:22:48,134 --> 00:22:49,694
Really? On what?
343
00:22:49,874 --> 00:22:51,204
Obesity.
344
00:22:51,374 --> 00:22:53,434
Adiposity. Corpulence.
345
00:22:53,644 --> 00:22:56,904
Whatever word you use,
it represents one thing:
346
00:22:57,074 --> 00:22:58,564
Being a big fat-ass.
347
00:22:58,744 --> 00:23:02,774
We have with us via satellite
Eric Cartman from South Park...
348
00:23:02,954 --> 00:23:06,824
...who is now so obese,
he can't even get out of his house.
349
00:23:06,984 --> 00:23:09,214
When is this gonna be on the air?
350
00:23:09,394 --> 00:23:12,554
Is there anything you'd like
to say to the people?
351
00:23:13,164 --> 00:23:14,784
Follow your dreams.
352
00:23:14,964 --> 00:23:18,404
You can reach your goals.
I'm living proof.
353
00:23:18,564 --> 00:23:20,364
Beefcake. Beefcake!
354
00:23:20,534 --> 00:23:23,634
He needs to run his ass
around the block.
355
00:23:23,844 --> 00:23:26,304
How about more of that good loving?
356
00:23:26,474 --> 00:23:29,634
Damn! I gave you sweet loving
five minutes ago!
357
00:23:29,814 --> 00:23:31,544
You trying to kill me?
28514
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