All language subtitles for New.Tricks.S03E04.Diamond.Geezers.DVDRip.doob.eng

Another funeral.

Once a fortnight now.

Coming round like bloody Christmas.

Victor Hadley. Mean anything to you?

Must be someone I knew in the job.

Wasn't there a DCI at Kilburn
called Hadley?

No, that's Hedley.

Well, might as well go.

Networking for the older man.

Nobody close, was it?

OK.
All right, we'll see you tomorrow.

Bye. ..Jack won't be in today.

He's got to go to a funeral.
Nobody we'd know, apparently.

Oh, they can be funny things,
funerals. Hardly.

Hey, you got any plans, Brian?
Oh, please!

Esther and me were walking along
the South Down Way one time.

We came across the natural
burial site. Yeah? Yeah.

There's no cemeteries
or headstones.

They dig you in by the road and
you become mulch for the bluebells.

Sorry,
can we talk about something else?

You have to be prepared, Sandra.
We do, anyway.

Have you got anything planned,
Gerry? Yeah, burn up.

I've got a vision of a crematorium
besieged by grieving women,

all wearing black stockings.

What about music?
Nah. Haven't thought about it.

You've got to get it sorted.

I know what I want.
Oh, yeah? A rave from the grave?

Yeah, a rocker from the locker.

Guys, we've got to look
at these stats.

Hold on. Listen to this.
MUSIC: "Light My Fire" by The Doors
Know what that is?

Is it Rolf Harris? Rolf Harris! No!

Think of cremation.

# You know that I would be untrue

# You know that I would be a liar

# If I were to say to you... #
Sir.

# ..Girl,
we couldn't get much higher

# Come on, baby, light my fire

# Come on, baby, light my fire

# Try to set the night on fire! #

MUSIC CONTINUES:
# Time for hesitation... #

# It's all right. It's OK.

# Doesn't really matter
if you're old and grey

# It's all right. I say, it's OK

# Listen to what I say

# It's all right. Doing fine

# Doesn't really matter
if the sun don't shine

# It's all right, I say, it's OK

# We're getting
to the end of the day. #

Sorry I'm late.

ORGAN PLAYS "MY WAY"
BY FRANK SINATRA

Filth.

My beloved father, Victor Hadley,

passed away peacefully at our family
home in Spain in his 83rd year.

He was one of a special breed
of people
known as the great generation.

But, in 1974, Dad was exiled
from the land of his birth

by the Inland Revenue
and the Metropolitan Police.

MOURNERS MURMUR AGREEMENT

We're here today for Dad.

A jewel among men,

a diamond geezer.

MOURNERS MURMUR AGREEMENT

May he rest in peace.

Amen. Amen.

Derek wants a word with you.

Derek...Hadley.

Look, I think there's been
some sort of a mistake.

There has.
And you made it.

So what do you want to do?
Make a scene, or show respect?

What's your game? I don't know
what you're talking about.

You blagged your way
into my family's day of grief.
I was invited. Were you(!)

Why would we want the filth
at my dad's funeral?

It's not even embossed! It's been
knocked off on some copier.

Someone put it through my letterbox.
I didn't know it wasn't kosher.
I thought it was someone I knew.

You came here to wind us up.

You'll well out of order. Stop.
I've had enough.

Tough titty. ..Alfie.

Do you like funerals?
Keep your snout in my business,
you'll find yourself at another.

Look at him, poor old plonker.

You should see yourself. I'm told
you're not even the filth any more.

Gerry?

I need a bit of help.

Jesus!

Jack, you all right, mate?

Cheers, Gerry.

I'm sorry to drag you out.

Nah, that's all... Cor blimey,
you look terrible! What happened?

Just give me a lift home, will you?
Yeah.

I'll tell you in the car.

Hello, Brian. Jack all right?

Yeah, I'm fine.
Thanks for coming round.

It's all right.
Esther said to bring some grapes.

Oh, that's very kind of her. Yeah,
well, it's the thought that counts.

Sandra doesn't know anything
about all this, does she?

No, she'd already left.

Good. I'm not sure how official
I want to make all this.

Now, Derek Hadley. Chopper Hadley.

As far as we remember, he was
a big-time dealer in the '90s.

But never convicted
of a serious crime.

Drugs raids were blow-outs,
witnesses too scared
to come forward.

He turned millions in criminal
earnings into lucrative investments.

Left the UK to live in Spain
in 1997,

reputedly carried an axe.

And used it - frequently.

Another drink, Jack?
Oh, yeah, sure.

So what's Hadley
actually doing here?

According to criminal intelligence,
apart from burying his father,

Hadley's here to dispose
of some investment properties.

Looks like he's burning
his boats in England.

He must be in a bit of a hurry

because he's booked
a return flight for next week.

Still a criminal? Definitely.
Accounts for not wanting
me on his back.

Yeah, but not for why you
were conned into going... No.

Well, shortly after
he went to live in Spain in '97,

he was suspected
of being involved in a murder.

Yes, Mickey Springer,
small-time villain.

Never enough evidence to prosecute.

And I was one of the last people
to see him alive.

In 1997, an informant of mine called
Mickey Springer called to see me,

saying that his life was in danger.

He owed a lot of money
to a serious villain

and he offered to grass up this
villain in exchange for protection.

I asked for a name
but he wanted too many assurances
before he would give it.

Well, Mickey Springer disappeared.

And about a week later,
a man's body...

in black plastic bin liners
was found in the River Lea.

The head and hands had been removed,
presumably to delay identification.

But it was eventually identified
as that of Mickey Springer.

Were you involved
in the investigation? No.
I had retired to look after Mary.

So what conclusion was reached?
None, really, except that Springer

was a known associate of one Derek
Hadley. Chopper Hadley. The same.

Now, Hadley had left the UK
to join his father in Spain about
the same time Springer disappeared.

He was very much in the frame
for the killing.

There wasn't enough evidence
to warrant extradition.

The removal of Springer's
head and hands.

Was that done with an axe?

No. No, it was a chainsaw job and
it was done after Springer was dead.

The pathologist was unable
to determine cause of death.

Did Springer have family?
Not as far as we know.

Wife, girlfriends?
Nobody came forward.

Why bring this
to the top of the pile, Jack?

Because Hadley is back in the UK
for a brief period to settle
family and business affairs.

There'll never be a better chance.
OK. I'll square it with Strickland.

Thanks. There's some background
material on him. Thank you.

So, the case files need reviewing
and we need to track down
what Hadley's doing in the UK now,

who his associates are,
where he's staying....

Surveillance.
I'll have some of that.

Well, you know me. I'm always up
for a bit of leg work.

CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS

Of course, a lot of the
surveillance material was taken

under very difficult conditions
and just using available light

but with digital images
and the sophisticated software,

you'll be amazed at the quality
that can be recovered.

What's your white spot setting
and your RGB balance?

Default, right? He's getting there.
Give him a chance.

I didn't know you were such
a digital whiz! Oh, it's just, um...

This person was a suspect?

No, that was a blonde who just
happened to be riding a bicycle.

I got the framing slightly out
on that one.

Thomas Gerrard.

Yeah, recently released
after a long stretch for dealing
in controlled substances.

Plenty of previous,
including a GBH charge -

dropped when the witness
disappeared.

Known associate of Chopper Hadley
in the '90s.

How did he lose his fingers?
According to him, nail-biting. Huh!

Funny Gerrard didn't figure
in the Springer inquiry.

Who was the investigating officer?
Andy Cutler. Still in the job?

No. Retired, 1999.

30 years in?
No, he went early.

Medical grounds. He was working
in vice. Moved over from MOD.

Then you must know him, Gerry.
Our paths crossed, yeah.

I see you're keeping busy
during your retirement, Mr Cutler.

How about if I'm Andy
and you're Sandra?

We're all on the same side.

I hope so.
..Keep your guard up, Marvin!

We're looking at Mickey Springer.

Well, I hope you have more luck
than I did. Luck?!

Oh, I'll have to watch my words
with you, Sandra, I can see that.

No, it's not just luck.
It's resources and priorities.

So you didn't prioritise
the Springer case?

We had a serial sex killer
at the time.

Springer was a dead minor criminal.
Where would you spend your budget?

Fair point. Keep moving, Deano!

Let's see if we can make
a better job now.

Do you recognise either of these?

Well, Derek Hadley featured in
the investigation, as records show,

but we had no forensics or weapon
or even cause of death
to tie him to Springer.

The other one, Gerrard, I don't
recall his name coming up at all.

Would you have done anything
differently with hindsight?

They won't leave evidence
lying around. They know the score.

So it's down to information.

Nobody was talking.
I couldn't get round that.

It may look like
a crap result to you, Sandra,
but it was the best we could manage.

Thanks for being straight, Andy.
I may get back as it progresses.

Of course. My pleasure. I hear you're
working with Gerry Standing? Yeah.

Give him my regards.
It's been too long.

OK, I will. Bye.

This the place?

Yeah, this is it.

So, 2.35am on 10th November 1997,

a police area car observes a vehicle
emerge from this cul-de-sac
without its lights on.

Mickey Springer was last seen alive
on November 9th.

So the area car
pulls the vehicle over.

It's registered to Derek Hadley.

But the driver identifies himself
as Thomas Gerrard.

They searched the car, I hope.
Yeah. A routine search
reveals nothing suspicious.

Gerrard tests negative for alcohol.

He's cautioned and proceeds
on his way. 2.30 in the morning.

He must have been up to something.
I'll say.

This is a cul-de-sac,
so he wasn't passing through.

Unless he was visiting somebody
who lived here. I wonder who.

CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS

This is one of Hadley's properties.

A gorgeous gaffe in Wimbledon.
Was this traffic stop
in the original files?

No, it was in a dossier on Gerrard.
It was in the traffic reports.

Now, he's had a bit of a
falling out with his estate agent.

We're working through
Land Registry records
of properties in the cul-de-sac.

Trying to find out
what Gerrard was doing that night.

So Cutler must have known
Hadley's car was pulled over
round the time of the murder.

Excuse me.
I thought you might be interested.

So why didn't he follow it through?

Yeah? Well, you give him grief.

I wasn't involved.
I'm going out for a cigarette.

I've checked through
Cutler's resignation.

He did retire on medical grounds
but he was also the subject
of a CIB investigation.

What for? Corruption.

Presumably that was after
he left murder.

Yeah, two years after
the Springer inquiry.
I want to talk to him again.

I don't remember anything about this.
It's in the traffic reports.

You'd could have had a forensic
team crawling all over Hadley.

His cars, his properties
and, if he'd been responsible,
you could have nailed him.

It should have been followed up.

I was in charge.
I take the responsibility.

That's very good, Andy.

Now, is there anything else
I ought to know about
the handling of this inquiry?

Like I said, it wasn't top priority.
There were some mistakes.

I don't think
we're talking mistakes.

Laziness and incompetence are bad...
Hang about! But not criminal.

Whereas deliberate sabotage
is something else.

You see, you were on the take in
vice... Nobody ever proved that.

So maybe you were up for a bung
in the murder squad.

I want everything you know
about Springer

and if I think you're holding back,

I'll have your conduct investigated

with a view to bringing
criminal proceedings.

Get out of my face, sweetheart.

I've got nothing more to tell you
cos I'm clean.

As clean as Gerry Standing, anyway.

There's nothing you can tell me
about Gerry that I don't know.

He could always wind tarts
round his little finger.

Believe me, if I go down,
I can take Gerry with me.

How's your unsolved crimes unit
going to look then?

Gerry, me old China.
I see you landed on your feet, then.

Nice soft job. Andy.

Perhaps you can escort your friend
off the premises.

The thinking man's crumpet.

Ah, Sandra, the very man! Eh?

We need a pukka police officer.

We want a search warrant. What for?

We'll show you. Come on.

All for one and one for all, Gerry,
that's the way to look at it.

Are you trying to drop me in it?

Andy?

So, what's happening, chaps?
We're off on a recce.

Oh, yeah? It doesn't need all of us.
You keep up the surveillance.

Yeah, all right.

In 1996, Derek Hadley
acquired two adjoining properties
in this mews for development.

In the summer of '97,
Hadley got planning permission
to knock both of them into one.

Work was in progress November of
that year. And this is the result?

Which he sold on for a very handsome
profit in the spring of '98.

He's done a nice job.
Yeah, beware of hidden defects.

In the kitchen, the wooden floor
was replaced with concrete.

And that work was going on
in November '97.

On November 10th, Tommy Gerrard's
discovered lurking around here

in the early hours of the morning.

A good opportunity
to hide a bit of evidence.

What if that evidence was an axe?

With Mickey Springer's blood
on the end?

And Hadley's dabs on the handle.

Sounds like a good piece of evidence
to me. Worth a try.

Let's get a warrant.

CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS

What's that? Pipework.

Central heating.

This ain't half making a hole
in my budget.

It is interesting, though, isn't it?

This is anomalous. Ooh.

What is it? Can't tell.

It shouldn't be under
a solid kitchen floor.

Here we go. You'd better break the
good news to the householders. Yes.

OFFICER CHISELS AT CONCRETE FLOOR

I don't think we're looking
at weapons here.

Oh, dear!

Forensic dentistry tells us
this is Mickey Springer's skull

and pathology says the head and
hands were severed post mortem.
And the plant material?

Stem and fragments
of a red rose petal in the lab.

Somebody cared for him. Somebody
butchered him and hid the bits.

What did he die of? A deep linear
wound in the cranium causing
massive brain damage. Caused by?

Well, a heavy thwack to the head
with a cleaver or an axe.

So what's our next move?

10 years on, we can't expect
any forensics from Hadley or Gerrard.

If we pull them in for questioning,
we'll alert them to the inquiry.

Is there any way to get close
to Hadley? Under cover? Get his
confidence. Get him talking.

If anyone at all
is interested in my opinion...

Oh, Gerry, please(!)

Well,
like I was trying to tell you,

Hadley's fallen out with his estate
agent over the sale of the house.

Now, there's 5 million
riding on this deal.

And we know that Hadley
urgently needs to wrap up
all his UK businesses

cos he's on a plane
at the end of the week, right?

So a "buyer" comes along.

A buyer with loads of flash cash
to unload.

And he works out a deal how they
can get round capital gains,

a sort of kindred spirit,
someone a mile wide.

Now, I wonder who could play
that role, Gerry!

Yeah, and anyone with that sort
of money would have
a drop-dead gorgeous trophy wife.

Covered from head to foot in bling,
Versace threads
and Jimmy Choo ones and twos.

Come on, Sandra!

You were born for it!

I'll go and talk to Strickland
before he knocks off.

If you've made any crumbs in there,
clear them up yourself.

I don't make crumbs. Did you buy
me a whole duck or half a duck?

I can't...

No, hang on, Jack!

Take it easy.

This isn't opportunist vandals.

You're being targeted, Jack.
I know that.

Why, has anything like this happened
before? No, nothing like this.

A couple of incidents -

slashed tyres, wreath delivered.

Mickey Springer?

This is all tied up with Hadley,
isn't it?

Yeah.

Why didn't you tell us?
You'd have taken me off the case.

Investigating officer
emotionally involved?

You're not a copper, Jack.

I don't think I have to apply
the same rules to you.

About this undercover idea.

I got clearance last night.
Fantastic.
We really appreciate your backing.

But you can forget about
doing it yourselves.

Sir? Derek Hadley is a
major criminal target.

A lot of other units want him.

Oh, really? The undercover investigation will be handled by a trained
and qualified undercover officer.

You want to bring someone in.
Don't be negative.

This is inter-agency multi-tasking,
Sandra. It's the way forward.

It comes from the highest levels.

This will undermine my authority
and disrupt my team.

This is not a consultation exercise.

I've already organised
a suitable officer.

So, what keeps me on the rails is a
cocktail of psychotropic substances.

I see. What would you be like
if you didn't take these?

Ah, good morning! Oh, this is Tina.

Hello, Tina.

Detective Inspector Tina Murray.
Gerry Standing.

Jack Halford.
Good to meet you.

Glad to see you're
getting acquainted.
Morning, sir.

Detective Inspector Tina Murray,
this is DS Sandra Pullman.

Good to be working with you, Ma'am.

Well, would someone
bring us up to speed?

Tina's undercover.
Oh, yeah. So who are you really?

DI Murray's here
on a limited attachment.

I've been having
a talk with Brian.

Er, listen, I wouldn't want you to
get the impression that we're all...

I think you'll find that we bring
a variety of skills to the table.

I know. We've done a review
to find out which of you
I'll be going into the field with.

You're going in? It's not
negotiable, Gerry, it's a command.

Well, what you're going to need,
Tina, is a partner
who's well on top of the case,

can make consistent and creative
use of his cover story

and can front it up
with a top-ten villain.

Absolutely correct.
Well, you can count me out.

I have an aversion to theatricals.

We've made our choice.
I'll go in with Brian.

Right, well, I'll leave you
to sort out the details yourself.

How did you work that one out?

Well, when you're undercover
you need to be able to recall
every detail of your legend.

Please! We've been doing this
since before you were born.

And he's just given me a potted
history of the British pharmaceutical
industry plus illustrations.

Memory lane, Gerry.

I don't believe this.
So the order of battle is me
and Brian in the field.

You've given a lot of thought
to my team.

Well, given your expertise
and authority,

we'll be depending hugely on you
and Mr Halford as back-up.

I'll be monitoring your every move.

And what about me?

Well, I'm sure DS Pullman
will keep you occupied.

Right, let's get cracking.

Dry white wine?

No, thanks, I'm on duty.
Huh, apparently I'm not.

Yeah, that could have been
handled better.

When I joined CID that little girl
would have been making the tea.

Hmm! So would I!

Please, Sandra, this isn't
about feminist solidarity,
it's about being sidelined.

Why do you think that is, Gerry?

Andy Cutler's marked my cards,
hasn't he? How would he do that?

If there's something I should know,

I'd like to hear it from you,
not Andy Cutler.

Let's sit down.

When Cutler and I were in vice,
we went to all the best places.

Knocking shops, massage parlours,
illegal gambling... I can imagine.

Yeah, well,
we had this really useful contact.

Nice lady, ran a clean house and
the girls were well looked after.

Well, we heard she was due a raid.

So we thought,
"What good's that going to do?"

I mean, because of her,
we controlled
the whole area...more or less.

So Andy tipped her the wink.
Did you know about this?

Of course I knew,
he was my partner. But...

she slipped him two grand.
What about you?

Well, I had my usual problems -

too many wives, too many kids and...

he passed a monkey on to me.

Just to see me over. Gerry. Yeah,
but he gave it to me, she didn't.

Nobody was harmed, nobody knew
and nobody complained.

I could nick you right now. Yeah?

Are you going to? You should have
told me when his name came up.
You should have told me, Gerry.

I'm telling you now.
Anything else I should know? No.

No, no. Scouts honour. Nothing.

Thank God for that.
So where do I stand?

Well, given your involvement, I
don't think you should be in the
frontline of this enquiry. Uh-huh.

Well, you'll get my resignation
in writing in the morning.

I won't accept it.

Esther? Mmm?

I shall be going operational
very shortly.

While I'm in the field,
I will be totally incommunicado.

I'm afraid I can't reveal
any details as to my circumstances
or whereabouts...

Oh, never mind.

I suppose there's always
the chance that I won't come back.

Well,
I'll make you some sandwiches.

There's something
I want you to know, Esther. Mmm?

I shall be operating in a covert,
clandestine manner...

away from home,
possibly for days at a time.

I'll be partnered by...

a young female.

That's nice.

I want to reassure you, Esther,

that you need have no worries
about...my fidelity.

ESTHER GIGGLES

Oh, Brian, you are priceless.

Derek Hadley. Hi, I'm Brian.

And this is Tina,
my personal assistant.

Right, Tina.

Derek.

Come in. Come in.

We spoke to the agents, but they
said you were handling the sale.

They weren't doing the business,
know what I mean?

So you don't live here yourself?

No, no, no, the house is being let -
top end of the market, of course.

Executives, diplomats,
but I'm based abroad,

time to wrap up my UK interests.
So you're looking for a quick sale?
Well, at the right price, Brian.

The domestic property market's
not what it was.

Yeah, but in the long run
you can rely on bricks and mortar.

Need to do a lot of work - decor.

Those light fittings!
Install a pool and a home gym.

And we need to see what you've got
by way of guarantees as to dry rot,

wet rot, subsidence, damp,
rising damp, woodworm...

..thermal insulation...

He's going over the top.

What's she doing?

Energy efficiency. If we do
follow up, we'll be getting
a surveyor to look at all of that.

Yes, of course, darling.

So you'll be living here yourselves?

It'll be our London base.
We're abroad a lot.

Oh, yeah. What? Business?

Yeah, Eastern Europe, Russia,
former Soviet republics.
Bit lively out there, innit?

Well, you know how it is
in business, Derek,

if you take large risks
you expect large returns.

Same the whole world over, Brian.
He's biting. Come on, reel him in.

Give him a chance.

So, Derek,
your asking price for this is...?

Five.

Can I see the rest of it?

You can see whatever you like,
my darling.

Look, I don't want to rush you but
I'm leaving the country very shortly.

I would like to get this sorted.

Naturally, but I have to tell you,
Derek, price is an obstacle.

Five. It's a prime location.

Money needs spending on it.

But I need a fair return
on my investment.

Yes, of course you do.
I mean, you're entitled.

But it's not going to happen, is it?
You'll be whacked for capital gains.

Tell me about it. And I'll be stuck
with stamp duty on top of the price.

In other parts of the world
we'd find a way round it. Oh, yeah?

Well, for example,
we might agree on a price of say,
three and a quarter million...

You're taking the piss. No,
that's what goes down in the books!

Plus you get a million
in your hand, cash money.

Have you got that kind of cash,
Brian? It's not a problem for me.

In fact... Brian! Tina.

I think Derek's a man of the world,
don't you?

The fact is, Derek,

it would quite suit me
to turn cash into an asset
at this moment in time.

Enough said?

I think we've been a bit previous.

No, they're pushing him too hard.
I'm gonna need to check you out.

Well, why don't we both take
some time out to think this over.

Reconvene here tomorrow.

I'm sure we can find a way forward.

You've got a nerve! What a nice
way to greet an old mate, Gerry.
Aren't you going to ask me in?

We're being followed.

Don't look round!

Are you sure? Yeah. Don't worry,
I was trained in defensive driving.

I can lose him.
No, don't let's lose him...

Hey? Let's catch him.

That girl is not experienced,
we should pull her off the case.

The phone's switched off.

So, what do you want, Andy?

I want to do you a favour.

You've done me enough favours,
thanks.

Oh, have I got you into trouble
with the boss?

Your days with UCOS must be numbered.

Take advantage while you can, mate.
What?

Your lot are going after Hadley.

You tell me what they've got on him
and how they're playing it,

I'll tell Hadley and we'll both come
away with a serious amount of wedge.

For your retirement.

It'll be just like old times, Gerry.

Yeah, all right. Come on! Come on!

I'm at the address they gave you.

They're here now.

No, everything looks kosher so far.

Right.

Hands on the wheel.
Shit.

Don't look at me.
Who sent you?

What the hell is he playing
at? I knew this was a mistake.

..Three... Derek Hadley sent me.

He wants to know if you're the full
shilling. What else would we be?

He thinks you're villains.

Course we're bloody villains.

Who else would have a million
in cash for a property scam?

He thinks you're trying
to rip him off.

You tell Hadley we're on his side.

Otherwise you wouldn't be here.
Got the message? Sure. Sure.

Pass it on.
ENGINE STARTS

I thought they made
those things illegal.

Confiscated, May 1993,
from a teenage arsonist.

I never throw anything away.

Keep talking.

I don't know any more. No?

Yeah, all right.
All right. Talk to Tommy Gerrard.

I've been trying to get through
for the past 12 hours. What
was Brian playing at last night?

Look, Tina, you're supposed to be
the undercover expert, you should
be keeping him in line. Sandra?

Just put him on, will you?
We've got a break through. Gerry!

Well, get him out of the shower.

..No, OK, fair point.
There are limits.

Get him to phone me back urgently.
Thank you.

Tommy Gerrard is the key.
How do you make that out?

Well, I reckon he's playing
his own game. He's setting Jack
and Hadley up against each other.

Why would he be doing that?
He nearly dropped Hadley right in
it dumping the evidence, remember?

When he was pulled over
outside the mews.

So Hadley took his fingers off.
He hates Hadley's guts.

PHONE RINGS

Hang on, Brian. Where did you get
this from? Information received.

Oh, you mean bullshit from a dodgy
snout. No, it's not, actually.

Who's it from?
I'd rather not reveal the source.

Let me deal with Brian.
..Brian, could you explain
what you were up to?

Look, is it OK if I stick
with Gerrard? Yeah, whatever. Right.

I'm sorry about last night
but you know how it is.
You have to take precautions.

Perfectly understandable.

The important thing is
we all play for the same team.

I'll drink to that.

Now I really need to get
this sorted because my plane
is booked for tomorrow.

We're your kind of people, Derek.

We're ready to commit.

Magic.

Brian. ..Tina.

Course the lawyers will have to
sort out all the paperwork but...

By way of a deposit. This could be
the start of a beautiful friendship.

Come on. Go for it.

One thing I have to ask you,
Derek.

I mean, we did a bit of research
on you, like you did on us...

and apparently, on the street,
you're always known as Chopper.

That brought a blush to her cheeks!

I knew what it meant.

I mean, it's just reputation,
isn't it?

I mean, we've dealt
with some hard cases...

Oh, I'll say - Russians, Chechens,
we take no prisoners. I can imagine.

But you, Derek, I mean,
you're just a pussycat, really.

Did you ever actually use
an axe on somebody?

Go on, Derek, indulge her.

I've done it all, darling.
Enough said.

Hey, come on, what are you actually
saying? What, threats, wounding?

Y-You don't mean...?

You'll find out what I can do
if we're ever up against it.

All right, now leave it, Tina.
She's lost it - pushed him too hard.

She's useless.
I should have been doing this.

Which brings me to another matter
I wanted to put to you two.

You two have got venture capital,
you're up for taking chances,

here's something massive.
What are we saying here, Derek?

You wanna shift more of that
straightaway? The sky's the limit.

I'm talking millions.
You could be in for the lot.

I'll just make a phone call.

No, mate.

The thing is,
you're either in or you're out.

And if you're in, you and I
don't lose sight of each other
until I show you the goods.

This is interesting.
Yeah, but they'll have to busk it.

All right, Derek,
we're sporting people. You're in.

Pick the bones out of this,
Halford.

Who the hell are you?

Gerry Standing.
I work for the police.

And now they've got your picture.

Now be sensible, Tommy.

My guv'nor will deal with you.

Let's move. You don't want me
talking to your guv'nor. Why not?
You've been working on your own.

You've been winding Hadley
and Jack Halford up.

I bet you invited him
to the funeral. Oh, very clever.

Do you know why, smart arse?

You wanna pay him back for
chopping your fingers off. Urgh!

Urgh! Uh!

Uh! It's got nothing to do with
me bleeding fingers! What then?

Hadley and Halford,
they killed the love of my life.

Are we talking another murder here?
Mickey Springer.

What, you and him?

So where exactly are we going,
Derek?

Come on, it can't do any harm
to tell us now.

I want to surprise you, Brian.

And young Tina here.

She thinks I'm a pussycat.

Prepare to be amazed.

What's he playing at?
I know where they're going.

It's not far.

I buried my old man here
a few days ago.

You have my sympathy, Derek,
but I don't quite see...
I'm going to dig him up. Oh, my God.

I'm not with you, mate. Diamonds.

20 million quids' worth.

Nicked in Sierra Leone during the
civil war, smuggled up to Morocco,

across the straits into Spain,
into the UK and my Dad's coffin.

Keeping it in the family.

My old man knew his time was up.
He wasn't scared, he was ready.

Looked at me
and made his last request.

"Son, I want to go out
the way I've lived,
pulling in a diabolical stroke."

It was the least I could do for him.

Well, we're deeply moved,
Derek, but...exhuming a body is...

a long, hard job
and I'm not in my youth.

Oh, leave it out, Brian,
what do you take me for? I've got
a JCB to do the heavy digging.

The manual work will be the
delicate stuff, right at the end,
when we pull Dad out.

Oh, my God,
I'm totally out of here.

Jack, Gerry just sent me this. I
think you better take a look at it.

Tommy Gerrard.

He must be thick as pigshit - this
will wind you up, not scare you off.

I thought that would be obvious. So
Gerrard's got a stroke of his own.

Why?

Uh! Uh!

Bloody hell, Tommy. Who's this?

He was following me.
Says he's police.

His name's Standing. Urgh!

All yours, guv.
He's not Standing now, is he?

We'd better get in there.
You can't go in without back-up.

There's no time.
You've got my phone! Use mine.

Yes, DS Pullman, what's your ETA?

Just for crossing me up!

You've been crossed up again,
Chopper!

What are you doing here?

Ask your man, Tommy.

He's been winding me up all week -
putting the frighteners on me -

hoping I'd believe it was you.

That's crap, guv. I wouldn't do...

Vandalising my property
and making threats.

It's crap, guv. Take a look.

Earlier tonight - my back garden.

And who do you think invited me
to your Dad's funeral
in the first place?

Gerrard's your enemy.

I had your fingers, you toerag, now
I'm going to have your head. No, guv.

Armed police! Armed police!

Put your weapons down and raise
your hands above your heads!

Bollocks!
Put your weapon on the floor!

Drop it! A-a-ah!

Well, that was a splendid result.
Case solved, villains in the bin.

It was a balls-up!
It's a bloody miracle
one of my team didn't get killed!

Yeah, well, they stick their necks
out. No! YOU stuck their necks out!
No... I should have been there!

The case needed
an undercover officer.

She fell apart!
Well, that was role play...

Oh, role play, my arse!
She bottled it!

Yes, well, this conversation is
now closed. Not quite. DS Pullman!

Don't dump on my team again!

Sir.

Brian?

It's all over, Esther.

The good guys won.

SHE SNEEZES
Ooh! Are you wearing aftershave?

It's called "Lethal, for men."
Well, don't get it on the sheets.
Oh, what have you been doing?

Or is it still top secret?

No, I can speak now.

Well,
I've solved a ten-year old murder,

recovered �20 million-worth
of smuggled diamonds

from the grave
of a notorious killer.

All this came through
a gay gangster

who was forced to dismember
his dead lover.

Brian, if you can't say
anything sensible,
just let me go back to sleep.

Uh!

# It's all right, it's OK

# Doesn't really matter
if you're old and grey

# It's all right, I say, it's OK

# Listen to what I say

# It's all right, doing fine

# Doesn't really matter
if the sun don't shine

# It's all right, I say, it's OK

# We're getting
to the end of the day... #

# High-tech, low-tech,
take your pick

# Cos you can't teach an old dog
a brand-new trick

# I don't care
what anybody says... #

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd 2006