Original subtitles

My name is Nathan Fielder.

And I graduated from one of Canada's top business schools

with really good grades.

Now I'm using my knowledge to help struggling

small business owners make it in this competitive world.

This is "Nathan For You."

If you're handing over your computer to a stranger,

there's nothing you care more about than your privacy.

So for computer repair shops like Los Angeles based Cyberguy,

earning customers' trust is a huge struggle.

We are saying that we're not gonna look at the files

and folders or private files,

but they don't trust.

The reason is that most of us

have things on our computer that we don't want seen.

As someone with a recurring medical issue,

I keep photos on my laptop

that are meant only for my doctor's eyes.

And when my computer breaks down,

I can never be certain that a repair technician

won't be tempted to snoop.

But fortunately for Cyberguy owner Herman Akbiyik,

I had a solution.

Your biggest problem is, no matter how much

you tell your customers you're not gonna look

at their nude or sexy pics,

they'll always be skeptical.

Because you're a sexual being, right?

Okay, so whatever desire I have,

it's not gonna be affecting my business.

What do you mean?

Okay, if you don't eat food, you're hungry always, okay?

Mm-hmm.

If you eat food, you're gonna be full.

You don't feel anymore your hunger.

Right.

So if you don't pleasure yourself at home,

maybe you're gonna feel it at the office

or while walking on the street

you can feel those desires, in a way.

So you're saying you pleasure yourself so much at home

that it doesn't affect you at work.

Correct.

Despite Herman's claim that

he gets everything out of his system

before arriving at work each morning,

his customers will never completely trust him,

because he's a sexual being.

But if Herman recruited repair technicians

from the 1% of Americans who identify as asexual,

meaning they have no sexual desires whatsoever,

customers could finally feel confident

about getting their computers repaired

without the staff being tempted

to look at their private photos.

The plan: Put customers at ease

by offering the world's first asexual computer repair.

I see.

When they see any image-- nude image,

so they're not gonna be desired or affecting.

In theory, yes.

In theory. I see.

Neither Herman nor I knew much about asexuality,

but he was willing to give it a shot.

So I went to the internet's most popular asexuality forum

and posted a job notification

to see if anyone would fit the criteria

that Herman would need.

And later that week, I set up interviews

with everyone who responded.

You know, just the lack of feeling a sexual attraction

and need for sex is all that asexuality truly is.

And there's a spectrum to it too.

So if you're not thinking about sex,

what are you thinking about?

It always depends.

I mean, I suppose most of the time

I'm actually thinking about superheroes.

Uh, my favorite of which being Aquaman,

hence the orange shirt.

So when most people are thinking of sex,

you're thinking of Aquaman?

Well, that's a funny way of putting it, but I suppose so.

After learning more about the asexual lifestyle,

I was feeling optimistic that this could work.

So right now, sitting across from me,

you feel no sexual attraction.

No. You're another person to me.

Whoa.

I was born an asexual,

and I assume that I shall

still be an asexual upon leaving this world.

So after a rigorous vetting process,

using a heart rate monitor to judge their physical response

to a series of stimulating images

I found in a stock photo database...

Do you find this sexually arousing or--

No.

- No. - No.

I offered the job to the two

who showed no spike in heart rate,

no matter how stimulating the image was.

So the next day, I brought the new recruits

to Cyberguy to introduce them to Herman.

So this is Nicki and Randy.

- And they're asexual. - Okay.

Which means they don't have a desire

to look at any customers' private nudes or sexy photos or,

you know, they just don't have those urges.

And also a sense of privacy.

- I mean-- - Yeah, definitely.

Yeah, because--

Privacy's important to everybody.

Of asexuality.

Right, but someone like Herman might be tempted.

Yeah, possibility.

Right, yeah, but you wouldn't be tempted ever.

- No, no, no. - Right.

So that's why.

Their lack of arousal was perfect,

but they still weren't computer experts.

I've removed viruses from computers before,

but with instructions.

So knowing they would need Herman's

close guidance when doing a repair,

I installed a series of walls in the back of the store

to create a quarantined viewing booth for Herman

so the repair area would remain free of sexual contamination.

The only access point into the inner chamber

was through a military-grade key code lock

that only the asexuals would have the code to.

So after putting up a brand-new banner out front,

and giving the repair staff their code

to enter the desexualized zone...

The code is 1, 2, 3, 4.

Okay?

So don't tell Herman. Okay.

They securely sealed themselves inside the repair area,

while me and Herman waited for customers up front.

You didn't see the code, right?

No, I didn't.

Do you promise?

I promise.

Okay.

Before long, the first customer arrived.

It's, like, very slow.

And it's hard for me to get to the Internet sometimes.

So it was time to see if he'd be impressed

by the new service.

So I don't know if you saw our sign,

but only computer repair shop in town

that offers a fully asexual repair service.

Okay.

Are you familiar with asexuals?

Uh, no, I'm not.

Okay, so the entire time your computer is here,

no one with any sexual desires will be touching it.

And that is the Cyberguy guarantee, right?

Yes. For sure.

100% guarantee that.

Full disclosure, Herman is a sexual person,

but he will not be touching your computer at any point.

What does that mean, "he's a sexual person"?

Yeah, that means a sexual person is me.

So we having some desires for looking

at the picture, digging, looking inside.

So we're curious about what is inside.

What's contained inside.

It's a nude photos, videos, stuff.

So he has those desires.

But his-- Other people don't.

They don't.

The people that will be repairing it.

The first customer was excited by the concept.

So now an asexual is coming up.

- Yes. - Got you.

But all our hard work would be meaningless

unless we could actually execute the repair,

so once the computer was safely in the desexualized zone,

Herman took his place in his isolation booth,

where he could hopefully guide the repair process

while the barrier prevented him

from acting out his most carnal urges.

Okay, so can you double-click on Library folder?

Okay, this is regular folders.

Okay, we don't need--Okay. So--

After 30 minutes, the repair was going well.

But then Herman said he needed to use the bathroom.

While it is scanning, so I'm doing a break.

- Okay. - To the restroom.

And that was a problem.

The only path to the bathroom

was directly through the desexualized zone.

So to prevent contamination, I created a lockdown protocol.

And it was about to get its first real-world test.

Warning. Lockdown protocol activated.

Once the computer was safely caged and padlocked,

Herman was allowed to cross through the desexualized zone.

Sexual intruder alert.

Sexual intruder alert.

Sexual intruder alert.

Sexual intruder alert.

Sexual intruder alert.

Sexual intruder alert.

Okay, thank you guys.

The lockdown protocol went off without a hitch,

and once they completed their first repair,

it was clear that Herman was sold on the new service.

Nobody touch or looking or digging inside a computer.

So they feel safe.

And that meant customers now had a place

where they could feel comfortable

handing over their computer to a stranger.

Will you be looking at any of her private photos

or personal videos or anything?

No. No, it's--

And why not?

Well, it's part of privacy,

and also just 'cause I have no interest in it.

Because?

'Cause I'm asexual.

So there you go.

And please backup my music and my photos.

I did not back them up.

Of course.

In the olden days, this woman would have been

tied to a stake and burned alive.

But today the only threat facing LA based psychic

Madam Dora is a lack of customers.

I've placed ads before, and they--

I haven't seen a lot of return from them.

It could be because her marketing

was just too generic to even be noticed.

So I paid her a visit with an idea for a brand-new campaign.

The goal of advertising should be to appeal

to as many people as possible.

Mm-hmm.

But as a psychic, you need to make people feel

that you're speaking directly to them.

Because that's the fantasy they have.

Okay.

They want to believe you know something about them.

Okay.

So rather than advertising to everyone,

I think it would be hugely beneficial

if you targeted your campaign to just one person:

Maria Garcia.

And Maria Garcia is--

According to the Whitepages, there are over 1,000 people

named Maria Garcia in Los Angeles alone.

So if Madam Dora created an ad campaign

targeting just those people,

each Maria Garcia would believe

the psychic was speaking directly to her,

practically guaranteeing that they'd

call the number to schedule a reading.

The plan: Turn every Maria Garcia in LA

into a devoted customer for life.

Never made it a habit of looking through the Whitepages.

Well, maybe that's where you screwed up.

Yeah, it does make sense.

Madam Dora was impressed with my good idea.

Now all we had to do was get the word out.

So the next day, I returned with some sound equipment

so we could record a radio ad for our new campaign.

Maria Garcia, I had a vision about you.

I need to speak to you.

We also did an extensive print campaign

and installed multiple billboards at busy intersections

throughout the city of Los Angeles.

And within days, Dora had received her first call.

Hi, my name's Maria Garcia.

So I had Madam Dora call her back

to try to schedule a reading.

- Hello? - Hello.

- Is this Maria Garcia? - Yes.

My name is Dora, I'm a psychic.

- Hi. - Hi.

Say you had a vision about her.

- Okay. - I had a vision about you.

- And it was a strong vision. - Oh.

And it was a really strong vision.

It came to me in a dream.

And it came to me in a dream.

The ad campaign worked,

and Maria booked an appointment for later that week.

My hope was that she'd be impressed enough

to become a devoted customer.

So when she arrived for her appointment,

I told her we were filming a documentary

about the best psychics in the world,

and she agreed to give me an interview after her reading.

But when she emerged 30 minutes later,

I was shocked to discover

that she was completely underwhelmed.

She just said that she saw something

about the law around me.

Was that relevant or--

I don't think it was, honestly.

- Okay. - Yeah, I was confused by that.

This was bad.

If Maria didn't believe in Dora's psychic powers,

we'd lose her as a customer

and my whole plan would be a waste.

But that's when I realized

there might still be a way to win her back.

Maria said that Dora had predicted a mystery man

would soon sweep her off her feet.

But I guess I'm gonna find a guy who

I'm kind of turned away from at first,

and I guess I'll see what happens.

So if I could secretly engineer

a way for this to happen,

Maria would have no choice but to believe

that Dora's mystical powers were for real.

I thought I knew a mystery man who just might fit the bill.

One of the production assistants on my show

named Salomon regularly updates his Facebook page

with posts about his longing for a romantic connection.

It was clear he was still searching

for that special someone.

So I invited him into my office to see if he wanted to help me

bring a psychic's prediction to life.

I told Salomon that I wanted to introduce him

to a young woman I knew.

Her name's Maria Garcia.

Yeah, she seems cute.

And that a psychic had predicted

she would soon fall in love.

The man she described sounded pretty similar to you.

Similar?

Yeah.

Like she described a man with brown hair, brown eyes.

Wow. That's--

That's pretty crazy.

Those psychics.

Salomon seemed interested, but before setting them up,

I wanted to be sure they had the ingredients

for a true romantic connection.

Do you have any deal-breakers I should know about?

Deal-breakers?

Like turnoffs or something.

Uh, if they're not nice.

If they're, like, mean.

Okay.

Yeah.

'Cause some people like bad girls.

Oh, no. Not me.

- Right. - No.

I like them, uh...nice.

Okay.

Any other deal-breakers?

Well, maybe a smoker.

- Smoker? - Yeah.

So if she smokes, that's a turnoff?

- Yes. - Okay.

Anything else?

No smoker, and no handicapped.

Handicapped?

Well, since I never dated a handicapped person.

Like, I don't know. That would be--

Well, what do you think would be the problem about that?

Uh, I guess if there's, like, a set of stairs.

You probably have to lift the person or something.

Like, I don't know. You might, like, drop her.

You know?

She might sue you.

- Right. - Yeah, so...

I don't want no-- Nothing like that.

So you don't want to date a handicapped person

because you're worried you'd have to carry them up the stairs

and then you'd fall and then that person would sue you?

Yeah, something like that.

Yeah.

I don't think she's handicapped,

but I can check on the smoking thing.

That would be good.

Salomon was on board.

But for this to work, Maria would need to feel like

it was a chance encounter.

So I called her up and said that

the documentary crew wanted to do a follow-up interview

about her experience with the psychic.

Yeah, I can do that.

Great.

But what she didn't know

was that the real purpose of the shoot

was to give her and Salomon a chance to connect.

And I had the perfect way

to give them some time alone together.

Doing her makeup?

Yeah.

I don't even know how to put makeup.

You've never done makeup before?

No.

Well, it's just like you look at the color of her skin,

and you try to match it and you just put it on.

It's easy.

So many colors.

Salomon agreed that posing as the on-set makeup artist

would give them the best chance to get to know each other.

But there was one big concern.

Do you know how to flirt?

I don't know.

- You don't know? - I don't.

Okay, okay, so pretend you're the girl.

- Okay? - Okay.

- And I'll be the guy... - Okay.

And I'll show you a little role-play.

- Okay? - Okay.

So hey, how's it going?

It's good.

How's your day today?

It's good.

Why is it good?

Oh, it's just the day is good.

Nice day to go out.

You're so dumb.

That's funny.

- So you see? - Yeah.

It's like you're insulting,

but at the same time, you don't mean it.

Yeah, so that's a good example of flirting.

Salomon was a quick study.

But for my plan to work, he would need to seal the deal.

Most importantly, though, if you like her,

don't be shy to ask her out.

Think you can do that?

I think I can do that.

Before Maria arrived, I set Salomon up

with a YouTube makeup tutorial

so he could learn the basics.

And then I just kind of buff it all over the skin,

really working it in there.

And this stuff--

And when she finally showed up,

I greeted her at the door.

So we're just gonna get you into makeup quickly for,

like, a touchup, and then we'll do the interview.

- Awesome. - Okay, cool.

Where do you want me for now?

Oh, do you want a smoke? Do you want a cigarette at all?

Oh, no, I don't smoke. Thank you, though.

- You don't? - No.

Okay. That's cool.

Okay.

And with that, it was time for Salomon and Maria to meet.

So this is our makeup artist, Salomon.

- Hi. - Hello.

- He'll be-- - I'm Maria; nice to meet you.

- My name is Salomon. - Uh-huh.

All right, he'll be touching you up before we begin.

All right. I'll leave you two to it.

So I'm just gonna remove the shine.

- Just put a little bit-- - Mm-hmm.

Do you want me to move my hair back?

Uh, yes.

Sorry about that.

So, um, so how is your day?

It's good. It's good.

It was really-- It's relaxing so far.

Oh, yeah. That's funny.

You're so dumb.

Okay.

Yeah.

Thank--So I'm...

Done?

So, um, let me see.

Just gonna--

Just gonna keep doing more shine.

It was a rough start.

And I was getting nervous that Salomon wouldn't be able

to make Dora's prediction come true.

But then, things started to turn around.

What's your favorite movie?

I don't know. That's a good question.

I love horror movies, though.

Oh, yeah, those are scary.

That's what I love about it.

I like the adrenaline rush you get, like, during the film.

And I like seeing, like, why,

if it's, like, a killer, like, what their motive is.

- Oh, yeah. - And, like, how they do it.

It would be to have-- It would be good,

I think, to have the remote control.

It's like, you can escape the killer.

- You just fast-forward. - Yeah.

Or just fast-forward the movie.

To see the ending.

Salomon was actually making her laugh.

And they were able to bond over a common interest: Movies.

What other movies you like?

Um...

I want to watch all the "Harry Potter" movies again,

'cause I just started reading the books.

Oh, yeah, those are good. I like them.

- Did you read the books? - I haven't read the books.

But I went to see the movies.

Mm-hmm.

That's easier.

The books are really good, though.

Yeah, so there you go. That's good lipstick.

Okay. Thank you so much.

Oh, I want to know if you want to go out with me.

Huh?

Out on a date?

- On a date? - Yes.

- Okay. - Yeah, so if--

Um, I don't--I mean, I'll hang out with you,

but I don't know if it'd be, like, a date,

'cause I don't know you at all.

Well, yeah, that would be good.

I mean, that's how everything starts,

- with friendship. - Yeah.

Yeah, so that's good.

Yeah.

So we get to know each other.

Cool. Cool.

Salomon had done it.

And now that Madam Dora's vision of a romantic encounter

with a mystery man had come true,

Maria seemed to have a newfound faith in the psychic's powers.

Do you think you might go back to her for another appointment?

Yeah, if I were ever to see a psychic,

I feel, why not it be her?

I know it may seem a bit like cheating,

putting in all this work

to make a psychic's prediction come to life,

but who's to say my intervention wasn't exactly

what Madam Dora had foreseen all along?

I guess I'll never really know the truth,

but with a flood of new Marias calling every single day,

the one thing I did know was that Dora would be just fine.

- What is that warning? - So--

For Time Machine. For Time Machine.

Says "Do you want to use Cyberguy

to back up with Time Machine?"

No.

- Don't use? - Don't use.