Original subtitles

Okay, my name is Ariana and I like tennis and something now that sounds

penis My name is Craig.

I hope we win this for her.

I have a penis

Big? Yes.

Hot? Yes. I can say that. I'm a friend.

Tennis is so much better than all the other non -sports like basketball and

football.

I love tennis.

Oh my god, these balls are so fuzzy.

I know, right?

Green.

This is such a great match.

Ready? Another cheer?

Our sound fell.

Good idea.

Okay. Okay. Woo!

I can't remember another tear.

Oh my gosh.

Okay. Oh my gosh!

Did you see it spank?

Oh! Woo!

You mean this spank?

Oh, I don't... You know, Craig, if you want to kiss me, that's okay.

It's not like it's sudden death or anything.

What, like an overhand ace?

Is this okay?

Yes, yes.

It's so hot.

Oh my gosh.

Do you like my rack?

Wow, yeah. That's a really nice rack.

I think it's your turn.

Oh my gosh.

Get up, Craig.

I want to see your racket.

Your racket.

All right, it's time for a chair. I got a chair. You know I need...

You like this? You like me with this? Yeah, six headbanging

Yeah, it's for good luck. Good luck.

Let's watch more.

Yeah, yeah

Let's change. Let's change.

Let's change.

Let's change.

Positions.

How do you want me now, Craig?

Right here.

Lay down. Yeah.

Is that what it's called?

Explode. Explode.

That's not good.

Welcome to today's episode of Dwayne's World. I'm your host, Dwayne.

And I'm your other awesome host, Gert.

And today we're going to play homage to the top three most boneristic chicks!

Right on, Gert.

Right on, Dwayne. But seriously, Gert, we're going to play homage to the most

professional boners in the biz.

Well, my number three is Alexis

Texas.

She's got an ass that just doesn't want to stop working.

And I wish she was working on me right now.

Don't we all, girl? Don't we all, girl? But seriously, my

number two choice would have to be Andy Sandeep.

Because she is a rock and roll chick with a little rock and hole.

But seriously, she's hot.

Yeah, she is hot.

Alright, so.

Number one.

Drum roll, please.

Um, excuse me.

Wow, it's Popstar Tesha.

Your top three porn stars?

Are you kidding me? Do you know how hard I've worked this year to be in your top

three? Do you know how much glitter and ripped pantyhose the world has to see

now because of me?

Oh, um... No, it's cool. There's enough love to go around.

Yeah, most righteously.

I can do it way better than them anyways, the boys.

Well... Come show us, baby! Yeah, come show us! Sit down!

I'm not touching myself, by the way.

Do you like blonde hair, huh, guy?

I love blonde hair. Do you like brunettes?

Um, I don't know.

I think there's enough to go around.

You know, I have a really large set of drumsticks.

You have a very big guitar.

Oh, man.

Hey.

If we asked you to do something, would you do it?

Depends what it is.

And then you're going to do this.

And if you could, maybe consider this, but not on my... Because that might

Sweet.

Take all these clothes off.

Oh, God.

Hey, what's this smell like?

Mmm, burpees. It just smelled like my dick.

I'm just kidding.

Oh, man.

Those are amazing.

Swing, swing.

Don't worry man.

God damn it. Just prepping. Got a different loom than your fucking loom.

Right up here.

Yeah.

Oh man, I'm gonna go in.

Just keep ducking.

He likes a woman who gives him all, all that she's got.

Yeah.

Here,

come right here.

Right there.

Girl slow down man. Oh, yeah.

Yeah good. You got it. Oh, oh, sorry. Am I referring to myself in the third

person?

Oh.

Right here.

so close to you, Dwayne.

Literally.

Don't get too close, dude.

No, man.

Bro -man.

Hey, man, what are you thinking about?

Palm trees.

You're welcome. Come, baby.

Oh, man.

I'm very sorry to hear that, but we at Our Lady's School for Girls don't talk

badly about others.

Oh, oh, of course.

It's just, you know, they really can't embrace my talent and know that I am

destined to be a superstar.

Piper down there.

You know, the other kids, they would always tease me because they were

of all this.

Did I do it wrong? Because I would really like to try it again.

Mary Kathleen, I am not telling you to cry again.

I'm trying to tell you to stop and sit down.

Now, let me just go over this again. Let me see how many times that you've been

doing this.

How many times have you gotten in trouble in your last school?

Let's see, one, two... Um,

what are you doing?

Sometimes,

when I get nervous, I put my hands down my pants and I smell my...

Mary Kathleen.

Yes, ma 'am.

Mary Kathleen, if you want to be a student at this school, you need to

act like and behave like a lady.

I don't even, I won't tolerate it.

Not even if you're an aspiring actress, temptress.

No, Miss Rose. I mean, I want to be a superstar.

I mean, I want to be a porn star.

See, now this is what I'm talking about. You can't even pay attention.

You lose all focus.

Now, let me sit. Sit. Let me sit and let's have a discussion.

Get over here and let me show you what I've got. No,

I'm an educator, Mary Kathleen.

Let me just show you.

Will you put your hands off? I'm trying to be a proper educator here.

No, no, no, no, no.

What kind of teacher would I be?

No, you can't leave.

I'm trying to keep my clothes on, will you?

Put your hands to yourself.

More smell now?

Smells good, huh?

It relaxes you, huh?

You're so physically married, I believe.

Sorry.

Do

you

like them, huh?

Mm -hmm.

Just like this as I go down here.

I'm gonna stick my hands.

Good dude.

What is that? Is that your cornstarch hose?

Let me see it. Let me see it.

Let me see it. Like me.

It's hot.

what I'm doing.

Let's make it up. Let's make it up. Come here.

Come here, Kathleen.

Oh, yeah.

Oh,

yeah. You're so naughty.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Let's take your fingers in there.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Put them in there.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Let me smell it.

Let me smell it. Oh, yeah. I want to smell it first.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Very unconventional way of doing this here.

I want to see your pussy.

I want to see yours.

Okay,

calm down. Easy.

Easy, Mary Kathleen.

Take these panties off. Stand up. Turn around.

Put this shoe back on.

Okay, let me see.

My inspection of my students.

Let's see.

Very nice.

Sit back down. Sit back down. Sit back down. Hold your skirt up Mary

Kathleen.

Can you stop spitting, Mary Kathleen?

That's how I saw his death out.

They always move around.

It shows they're into it. Okay, no, come. Sit.

Right here.

I'm into it. Right there.

Stop visiting!

Stop moving.

Let me just bring it over here.

I'll make it feel all better.

Come here, Kathleen.

Where are you going? Oh, this is nice.

Go get it.

Where did you stop?

Did I see you have a toy in your bag when you walked in?

I'm sorry, Brooklyn.

These teachers are always looking at what their students bring in class.

Yes, yes, that's it, that's it.

No, sit with us.

Bring toys. Come, come, come. Sit,

sit. Oh my gosh, do you need to be in there?

You are out of control, child.

Wait, wait, wait. What's wrong?

Do you know anything?

It's a bit chilly.

Hold on. Hold on.

Where do you want me to stick this?

Hold on. It's chilly.

There!

Right there? Right there!

Okay. Alright.

Oh, yeah.

There!

Is that where you want it? Yes!

Okay.

You know, pussy.

Yeah, open up that pussy for me.

That's it. Tell me where you want to do it. There you go.

That's it.

You like that, huh?

Yeah. You like that?

Yeah?

Uh -huh.

In and out.

Yeah. Do it slow. Do you like it slow? In and out.

Can you show me, baby?

Yes. Show me how you want it. Just like that. Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Show me what a little whore I am.

That's it, rub your clip in there, Kathleen.

Oh yeah, that's it.

Where are you going? Sorry, I just squiggly little man.

What you got there? You want some more?

Yeah.

Oh yeah, I've got lube in my desk. I always put lube in my desk. Yeah, put it

there.

Lap it on there.

Here, put it right on there.

Right on there. Good girl.

Yeah, get it all wet.

Ready?

How does that feel?

What's up?

What are you doing?

Remember doggy doggy doggy what I said before

No. Cat again.

Cat again.

Doggy. There you go.

for you to ride later.

I'm going to show you how it's done.

Yeah? Yeah.

I will show you how to be a star.

Yeah?

You get up there. Now I'm going to be 101 again.

Huh?

You get up there. Yeah?

How do you want me?

Like that?

You want to put in my pussy?

Oh, yeah, that's it.

Oh,

yeah, that's it.

Okay,

nice and gentle.

Nice and gentle, Mary Kathleen.

Nice and gentle.

Oh, yeah, just like that.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's not a sword.

You're not...

Deeper, deeper, deeper.

Ah, deeper.

Oh, yeah.

That's it. You can take a lot of this.

Yeah, I can take a lot of anatomy, huh?

You play with anatomy and I'll play with my clit.

I'm going to sit here and I want you to ride me.

Just like you're going to ride those cocks and those hoodies. This will be

practice. Yeah?

This will be good practice.

Come on, jump on.

Oh, there it is. All over it, huh?

I'll do it right.

Not that hard.

Easy. You'll break it.

You'll break them.

And that's it.

That's it. Sit on it.

Okay.

Good girl. Go ahead and ride it.

Just ride it.

You're good.

Mary Catherine.

just like that

You're like a wild beast.

You'll never be able to tame me, Miss Rose.

You're like a

wild beast.

You'll never be able to tame me. That's because...

I'm Mike, I'm Mike Tony, uh, I'm looking for a young lady named, uh,

Candy. I'm assuming, uh, you must be her.

Yeah, what's it to you, asswife?

Whoa, hey, you shouldn't be talking like that.

Um, I'm 18.

I can say whatever I want. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can do whatever I want. Yeah,

yeah, yeah. You know what?

Yeah, that's why I'm here. Your parents warned me about you.

And by the looks of things, by the way you were dressed, I think I'd have to

agree with them. As I said, I'm 18.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what? You know what, Sierra?

When I was 18... Wow.

Let me tell you something when I was 18.

I had just moved to the Valley.

And life was good.

yeah when i was young i was good looking i was hot the women thought i was hot

uh i hung out with really hot women lived the life uh i mean i could go

on and on you know booze were plentiful life was great and let me tell you these

women these were fast women not the kind of women you would want to bring home

to your mom but let me tell you you probably had a

Fucking them with their mom.

Ew.

It's not what you'd think, you know.

A lot of these girls, you know, they basically have an

agent who are kind of also known as a pimp. But we'll get to that later.

Um, I know what a pimp is, dude.

You do, do you, huh?

Well, let me tell you.

I don't know if you do.

I, uh, you know.

When I moved out to the valley, I came across some douchebags, some scumbags.

And let me tell you, I've done some porn movies.

And let me tell you, sweetheart, by the way you talk and the way you dress,

you're heading in that direction.

You know, I served my time in the business, had some good times. But then,

know what?

I ended up... in a van in the middle of Porn Valley.

What's so funny?

This is very serious.

Really? Yeah. Trust me. You don't want to end up in a van in the middle of Porn

Valley. Okay. First of all, you must have not been doing it right because

heard it's a very profitable business.

Sweetheart, I was the most...

most requested male talent.

Most. Every woman, every woman wanted to work with me.

I tell you.

And then I ended up in a van in the middle of Porn Valley. Porn Valley,

blah, blah. Prove it.

Oh.

Really? Yeah. Prove to me that you were the most requested male porn star.

What?

Uh, really?

Yeah.

All right, um, it's been a minute.

I need to get ready. Just give me a minute, okay?

Okay.

You ready?

Mm -hmm. All right.

Wow. What?

Not what I expected.

Am I all right?

Yeah, why don't you have a seat right here.

Oh, all right.

Are you sure you want to do this? I mean, your mother sent me here to

keep an eye on you, to reform you.

Are you sure about this? Yeah. Yeah? Just shut up already.

Oh, okay.

Holy shit

Been a while.

Yeah.

You know what?

That's what you should want to do.

Well, as you can see, I'm here really early. I know it's 6 .30 in the morning,

but I can keep myself entertained.

So I know it might seem a little boring at this time at the bar, but I can keep

myself entertained.

You see, I can pour myself shots as big as I want.

And I can fist pump without accidentally hitting anybody in the face.

So, look, you have a while, like 10 hours, until anyone even gets here.

What else do you do?

Um, excuse me, I update my social networking status, because everybody

know where the fuck I'm at.

I'm sure they already know where you're at. The bar.

Um, excuse me? Don't give me fucking attitude when you wanted me to be here

this bullshit documentary.

Okay, okay. Sorry.

So what else?

Um, what else?

If you'd listen, I was about to get the fucking part.

What about this one?

Okay, not big enough?

Whatever.

Sorry. This one?

A bigger?

Really?

Hold on a second.

Uh -huh.

This one.

Okay, wait.

I'll give you a choice.

How about the purple one? Yeah, the purple one.

And what do you want me to do with that?

Why don't you give us a little show since we've got a lot of time, sweetie?

A little show?

Yeah. Sir, should I keep rolling on that, sir? Yeah, keep rolling on this,

That's good shit. You said purple?

Yeah, purple.

Hmm.

Not blue?

No, the purple one.

I'll start with the purple.

You see where I come from.

We do it like this.

I'm gonna take a picture of this and put it up on my water.

Oh yeah.

Oh yeah.

Yeah.

Heckle.

Can I do that, Mr. Producer?

Mm -hmm.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

You sound like you're getting buskied.

How about I do it how I fucking want?

Okay.

Oh, God.

I'm about to do a little fist pumping myself.

Yeah? Yeah.

You're going to show me? You don't know how to fist pump. You ain't from Jersey.

Turn this on.

like a nutjo -

You're bossy.

I do it how I fucking want.

that quite handy.

kooka.

Yeah,

you like my little kooka, don't you?

You want to see it all over the water?

Can I go back to drinking now?

You can do whatever you want, Suki.

Well I haven't seen a boy in a while.