Original subtitles

Bedside Sailors

No, Holger. Disa sent me here. It's urgent.

- Disa can wait. - Yes, Disa will wait.

Peter, Ulla went for a Brazilian model.

Look what she's doing there.

- What took her so long? - Well, she's helping Holger.

- Do you like these? - Yes.

- Do you want to? - Yes, I'll do it.

And what did you see in him, Ulla?

Men are chauvinists, they use us and think that we are so happy about it.

I'll decide for myself! Even the boss can't keep his hands off me.

- And he's married! - It's easier for men.

- The boss is coming. - Oh, Mrs. Disa?

We need to reconcile the warehouse balances.

- These are good products. - They are actually already sold.

- It's not expensive, is it? - Don't touch me, you boor!

I don't want to be raped just because I'm a woman.

You don't understand!

Ooh, that's it, you're fired!

Fired? You owe me 3 months' salary! Can you send the money by check?

- Is this seat taken? - No, sit down.

- Have we met before? - Yes, just now, on the street.

How many?

How much? Because I like men I can talk to,

you have decided that I am a whore? Men!

Okay. I was wrong, sorry. What do you like the most?

- You. - Uh, I'm boarding a ship this evening.

I got a new position and my ship leaves at 11:00 p.m.

So we need to hurry.

That was great! Thank you.

You're cute. Most people just ask if it was good.

- It's a pity I have to go. - I don't want any tears.

- Men won't use me! - I like you very much.

I need to take a pill, I don't want to risk my freedom.

And you didn't even ask if I needed to use protection.

I have condoms in my bag.

This is to protect yourself from all kinds of sexually transmitted diseases.

Yes, to protect you, but who will think about protecting me?

- If only I were a man! - You look very feminine.

- If I were a man, then... - You wouldn't be able to do my job.

So, wanna place a bet? I can do anything. Even go aboard a ship.

Nonsense, this is a job for a man.

I have feelings, desires, a brain and a body.

Forget that I'm a woman.

Simply because you are much smarter than us.

- Now look what you're doing to me. - What? I'm doing?

Just because you're so smart, I'm letting you rape me.

- Oh, ah! - Does it hurt?

- I think it's the liver. - I'll call an ambulance.

No, I think it's my appendix.

Good luck, Georg.

Could you please report to the Margarita? And say hello to the captain.

It will be done. Get well soon.

Thank you. What is your name? Thank you, Disa.

My name is Georg Hansen. I am your new mechanic.

My name is Georg Hansen. I am your new mechanic.

My name is Georg Hansen. I am the new mechanic.

My name is Georg Hansen. I am your new mechanic.

My name is Georg Hansen. I am the new mechanic.

- Go introduce yourself to the captain. - Hello. We'll sleep together.

- They're getting younger and younger. - No, you're getting older and older.

- Who are you? - Georg Hansen, the new mechanic.

- Welcome aboard, Georg. - Thank you.

We're all one family here, Georg, aren't we?

A sailor's book, yes. Come here.

Well, first flight as a mechanic. Carry this position with honor.

You must sign here.

Judging by your nails, you haven't been to sea for a long time.

If you don't drink and follow orders strictly...

As stated in paragraphs 49-50 of the charter, we will get along.

But no women on my ship! Women are the cause of all evil...

wars, strife, storms, the scorching sun and even death!

But otherwise, we are one big happy family.

New mechanic Georg Hansen, and this is the first mate.

The chief engineer misses you in the wheelhouse.

Throw the bag in cabin #4. You have the top bunk there.

A pleasant young man.

When looking from behind, you can't tell whether it's a man or a woman.

New mechanic? Do you play chess?

Chess? Yes.

Sit here and arrange the pieces.

The main engine is running. The rest will take care of themselves.

- Cast off the mooring lines! - Yes, cast off the mooring lines!

We just sit here and watch. Weakling's orders.

- "Weakling"? - Yes, the captain's nickname.

Bad tongues claim that he took part in the Battle of Röden. Your move.

Don't make the game too easy for me right away.

- I need to go to the toilet. - There's a latrine in the stern.

Hi, you must be the new mechanic.

Come on, we can pee crosswise.

Well, the new mechanic was in a hurry.

Good chair, this is the best we have.

And this is the best confirmation of my good work.

I thought of something else when we were in Hamburg...

we can check if he uses it for anything other than peeing.

You took too long. I had to play 3 times. Now you're checkmated.

- Anything interesting? - No. This is our new mechanic.

- Georg. - Now that you're up, you can go to bed.

I still have to sort out the paperwork.

- Paperwork, what do you mean? - What else, man?

Isn't he too thin?

He's a good guy. He doesn't fuss when you cheat him.

- Are you pissing in the sink, bastard? - No. I'm just washing it.

Yes, we shouldn't do it like some people do. No matter how much we want to.

Where the hell are my cigarettes?

Are you going to sleep in your pants?

I take them off in bed. Then I know where they are when I need to get up.

Do you like working here?

Yes, they feed us well and the salary is decent.

But we don't go to ports often, where there are cute pussies are.

Ah, with their little nipples that are so nice to bite.

You slept for a long time. The boss misses you.

You can take my foam.

You could at least use your own razor, right?

You are using too much oil.

Cream, sugar and eggs.

No need to fatten anyone up. They're fat enough as it is.

There's only one whore in Hamburg that's worth anything.

Yeah, then Willie got a great blowjob from a black chick.

And then a medical examination.

They say the Catholic Church is a thing of the past. They are their own masters.

What do you say, mechanic? Would you like to try a black girl?

- Does he look pale? - It's seasickness.

Come here, I will treat you.

There are two ways to treat seasickness. This is one of them.

I learned it from an old retired officer.

The captain thinks that seasickness can be cured with pills.

They only dull the sensations.

The second treatment requires you to have your dick sucked.

I even tried it. I felt sick on the Norwegian ship.

I ran down, grabbed the virgin, and into the cabin.

I unzipped my fly and screamed, "Suck it, damn it!"

I held her by the ears and she sucked.

It's distracting, so I'm cured.

- This is violence. - Violence? She fucking loved it.

Most women get aroused when they suck.

If you knew more about women, you would understand that I am right.

- Drink it. It makes your chest hair grow. - My seasickness went away.

I have to take lunch for the captain.

He should slow down so you can make it.

In the engine room, prepare to maneuver.

Yes. Yes, yes. We are ready, we are always ready.

- I heard you were sick? - Willie cured me.

Be prepared to maneuver.

The captain will be having lunch and we will be running at half power.

Captain, your dinner will be served soon.

- Reduce speed. - Y-yes.

Mechanic, you're crazy!

Be more careful next time.

What's going on? Damn, what happened?

- What's going on? - It's the fucking second mate!

He cured the mechanic of seasickness.

Do you have a brain?

Couldn't you give the mechanic some pills?

Well, okay. I hope the sea will be calm in the evening.

Thanks for the song.

Since we don't have any questions, let's move on to our movie.

First, the boatswain will show a film about his son's confirmation.

Then we'll look at the second mate's beautiful house.

This was filmed by our uncle Marius.

Proud parents.

It was a catering service. The drinks were the most expensive.

Confirmation is a big event for him.

A great day for a young man.

The boatswain is drunk as a skunk.

He doesn't even understand where he is.

He will not soon sober up.

Oh, they took him out.

She was mad as hell.

- Now she's kind again. - I had to promise her a new TV.

During my confirmation, the police came three times.

This is his wife.

Good, neat.

- She's taking off her skirt! - Shh, it'll be right there.

This is the bedroom upstairs.

Wow, man, that's so close.

She catches the cap.

Yes, you should be proud of your wife.

But you shouldn't share your private life.

There's nothing to share. It's all mine.

- I'm going to my room. Good night. - Good night.

Thank you for today. Let's all get a drink.

Come here, guys.

And here, guys... Here is the real treat.

- I hope it's not from the social sphere? - I hope it's from the sphere of debauchery.

- Hurray. - Hurray.

Look, this is a treat with music.

Two girls write to a man asking him to deliver toys to them.

Here he is. Now you must see what he will do with them.

With two at once, it's very exciting.

I tried it once in Bangkok in 1962.

- Oh, he's no slouch! - Wow, man, what a pussy!

- He's going to stick it in her now. - He has black nails.

- Now he's fucking her! - Shut up, that's poetry.

The way he fucks her, his balls are slapping against her pussy.

Oh, shit!

- It seems interesting, right? - Of course, but only for men.

Well, guys, did you enjoy my treat?

Good night, I'm going to bed.

- Should I give you the shark? - Now it's your turn.

Never mind.

Georg! Use the toilet if you want to pee.

Sorry, it won't happen again.

I spoke with the owner and told him about our interesting evening.

- We become closer to each other this way. - Yes, in a sense.

And so the nun says to the sailor...

A clear mind characterizes men who are able to overcome everyday life.

...that it reminds her of a ritual candle!

The second mate regretted showing the film of his wife.

Wouldn't it have been better if his wife had been on board?

No! Women create discord and impure thoughts. Men need male relationships!

- Peter, do you know where Disa lives? - Yes.

Take this to her. Here is her check.

Disa?

Disa?

It was damn nice, even if it looked a little silly.

Georg, have you been with anyone lately?

- No, not since I stepped on board. - Was it good the last time?

- Yes, but he... - He?

She was hospitalized with appendicitis.

I've never heard that you can get appendicitis from fucking!

Hello, Disa. It wasn't the liver or a twisted intestine.

Disa?

Are you taking a bath? I'm coming.

- Who are you? - Who are you?

- Everything is fine now? - No, the starboard side is a little sooty.

We used to get a person from the engine room to help.

- We must raise the German flag. - We are going to Hamburg.

So we'll have whores soon!

Bloody bastard, as the boss would say!

You'll be on duty for the next 5 weeks!

She took my salary. Clothes and documents were gone too.

It will be terrible if she is discovered.

One girl among a bunch of sexually obsessed sailors.

- We need to bring her back. - It's worse than death.

Well, she fucks like an angel.

Don't say that! Take your words back.

- She doesn't fuck like an angel! - What the hell are you talking about!

Oh, my shoulder!

The ship is called "Margarita". Which company?

You don't have to do anything. You've already messed up enough.

I have to find her.

Yes, it's the Margarita.

"Margarita".

Yes, yes.

Is the captain in trouble?

No, he has a qualified crew.

"Margarita" is due to arrive in Hamburg today.

So it would be wise to send her to Aalborg for unloading.

- Send a message to the office. - Yes, yes.

Mr. Sorensen, call the captain of the Margarita.

Tell him to go to Aalborg.

What can I do for you, young man?

Thank you, actually I've already heard what I wanted.

- I don't think I want this. - Are you crazy! Just enjoy!

Sweet girl! Beer or vodka?

- What did you say? - Vodka!

- I saw her first! - And I grabbed her first.

Let Willie! He's a married man.

No!

- H-H-How about 20? - No!

Oh God, keep going! Oh, mother!

Help me, cook!

Go ahead, Georg.

- Are you finished? - No, I'm Danish.

The assistant went to bed. I took over the watch.

- Can I go ashore? - No, they'll be back soon.

- The cook is already on his way. - Ask him to bring me cocoa.

Cook, you must make cocoa for the skipper.

- Good night, Georg. - Good night and thank you.

- Did you have a good fuck? - Great.

- What are you doing here? - You're a girl!

- And I was so in love with you! - You won't give me away, right?

- No, and the other way around? - Of course not.

Where did you get your mechanic's documents?

- What's your name? - Georg Hansen.

And you are a mechanic?

Yes, no. I would like to know if there is a mechanic...

named Georg Hansen on the Margarita.

"Margarita" comes to Aalborg tomorrow.

"Margarita" is fully staffed. Therefore, we cannot help you.

- Well, then thank you and goodbye. - Goodbye.

I thank the captain for the opportunity to go ashore.

- Yes, you'll see your wife soon. - I borrowed a truck...

- Does she know you're coming? - No, it's a surprise.

Hey, are we getting food today?

Why is there no power in the second compartment?

Because you took my mechanic to do paint work!

In bad weather, the boatswain is allowed to call in the mechanics.

What the hell, do you think you can just take my man for your work?

Damn it!

- Did you hear his voice? - He's castrated!

My balls! I'll never do that again!

Thank God his balls are okay!

Then let's go where there are some good pussies.

- And they're free! - But Willie is going home.

Do you want a sailor's dick?

Hellish Satan!

Willie, give him one more minute, okay?

You understand, there was nothing serious.

I just wanted to be polite.

Willie, I didn't know you were coming home, did I?

We are ready to go!

Oh!

- What are you doing here? - Shh, you don't want us to get found out.

- Shouldn't you be in the hospital? - It was just a dislocation.

You need to go and see the captain. Then Disa and I could go ashore.

I can't do that. I don't have my documents.

- Then hurry before we sail! - We're already sailing, greenhorn!

I can't hand over the keys to the infirmary!

You can't use the infirmary to store this crap!

- I said give me the key! - Easy there, easy there!

This will be at your own risk!

If you keep your mouth shut, everything will go well.

Now you're at sea. So you'll have to control your desires.

I'll do anything, just don't kill me.

I won't touch you! But there are many sex-hungry men on board!

I'll send them one by one, and you'll do whatever they want!

You'll get more sperm than there is water in London's mains!

Cabin boy, don't forget about the lifeboats.

- What a fuss. - I'm hungry.

I'll go see if the way is clear.

- Really? - Yes, please.

- I don't know if I can fuck. - You have to!

- Why did you bring three beers? - I thought Georg was here.

- No, he's downstairs in the engine room! - Well, don't worry about it.

Georg, take this to the captain.

I would like a girl today.

- So, I did it! - Don't tell anyone.

She shouldn't rest even for 5 minutes!

I don't know if I can do it more than once a day. But I'll try!

Son of a bitch! George beat my queen.

Look, you might get checkmated.

Why don't we check the records?

No, I promised Willie to help him with his favorite hobby at work.

That was fucking awesome!

I was about to go to bed, but I'll do my friend a favor.

Hey.

I want to ask you to get down on the floor...

and lean over the bunk so that I can see your stern.

But first I need to see the front. I like to hold boobs.

- It's not about me. - Oh.

Willie uh… promised boobs…

That's very sweet of you. That's what I call sweet little tits.

Wait a minute.

Now dad will be there soon.

It'll be a little soft at first, okay?

- Thanks for the food. - The captain didn't get his dinner.

We can't promise...

It's a hell of a mess on this ship.

- He shouldn't do this! - He suggested it to me too.

- Tomorrow I will free her. - He's probably going to suggest it to me next!

- You're here. Listen... - I already know!

- Go ahead. It's your turn now. - Okay, I'm ready.

Just look at you! Full of paint and oil stains.

You are the first one who is kind to me.

I'm on your side. I'm a girl.

- Well, yeah? - Look.

- Why are you here? - It's a long story.

I will free you from the violence started by your husband.

But I cheated on him!

- It's better with a real woman. - No, I have my Bertha!

She doesn't cheat. She doesn't say "no" and doesn't smoke in the morning.

If you had one, you wouldn't have problems now.

You are not a piece of furniture he bought.

You want roses while he's floating on the seas.

Then he comes and expects you to be always ready.

I have sinned, you understand?

They always accuse women of having a bad conscience.

If only this whole life under their rule could be changed.

I came here to see how right I was.

This is worse than I thought. What do you think they say on board?

What do you think they do when they go ashore?

- It's natural for men. - Why not for us too?

- I love him, you know? - Of course.

Relax. This won't go on any longer.

- It's great, right? - Yes, it is great.

Will it be my turn soon? She'll be completely naked, right?

When I think about small panties where you can see the pussy!

Shut up, got it?

- Poor Disa. - She's been exposed!

So we can't just switch!

She needs to be saved!

No, don't do that, newbie!

Georg, what nonsense is this?

Georg, you promised me you would use the toilet.

Disa, it's me, Peter. I've come to save you.

Disa!

You are very cold! Dead!

What the fuck! Are you cheating on me?

You were going to rape my Bertha, you son of a whore!

- A stowaway, huh? - I can explain everything.

You will explain this to the captain.

Yes, Lyngby Radio?

Yes, please. We are waiting here.

Come in and sit down. You can safely trust me.

Listen, there's a woman on board and she's being raped by the crew.

- What, a woman on board? - Lyngby Radio calling "Margarita".

Lyngby Radio, "Margarita" is listening.

- Is this the captain? - The mechanic is a woman!

The mechanic is a woman! What the...?

Nonsense! Everything is fine on board.

It sounded like you said the mechanic was a woman.

This is just what a stowaway says.

- Do you have a stowaway? - Yes, he broke into a cabin.

- Was there a burglary? - Yes. Over.

- Where? - In the chart room.

- Your coordinates? - Well, A4 east, 4 north, course 270.

Then be careful when you are in Red Square in Moscow.

No, no, the opposite. East 4 and North 64. Everything is fine on board.

- Well then, captain. Over and out. - Over and out.

You were right. He went crazy.

Take a helicopter and get on board immediately!

What's the point of bringing her here and letting her go!

If I were you, I'd keep my mouth shut. Think of your poor wife!

- You were there too! - Yes, you told me.

It's horrible.

I am vicious, disgusting, stupid.

- It's a bit late realising it now.. - I still love her, you know!

You were all with her, and I became such a fool.

What about her? What about what are you doing in every port!?

- I saw you fucking a black woman. - You didn't tell her, did you?

No. You just have to forgive her.

- Will she forgive me? - I will try to convince her.

- You're a great guy. - Take it like a man, man!

- Yes, when will she see me? - First of all, stop what you're doing.

Stay here. I'll talk to her and come back.

Get a good night's sleep and think.

- Oh, Disa. - Willy.

- Peter, what are you doing here? - Where is Willie?

- Who are you? - Disa, you idiot.

Disa, is that you? Disa, I came to save you.

- How did you get here? - I'm a stowaway.

Nina, climb onto the top bunk so there are no misunderstandings.

No, I said. It's over!

I didn't sleep all night to go see her again!

According to their law, it is possible right on the seashore.

- I haven't tried it yet. - This is his wife.

You can only do it once a week! What about a list?

This will not happen again!

The mechanic persuaded her to forgive me.

A Klabautermann! (a good spirit who helps sailors)

What nonsense are you talking about, kid?

Head of the Nielsen Company. Don't worry.

Let me help you.

- Thanks, no thanks. - A woman on board is a bad omen!

The ship owner asked me to make a statement and pick up your stowaway.

That's a completely different matter.

Sit here. When Willie comes, we'll send him to the infirmary.

- What's between you and Georg? - How do you know about Georg? - He's here on board.

This is the infirmary. Here is the young man you are to interrogate.

- Where? - Where?

I brought him here myself.

The shipowner is concerned about your condition.

Are you sure you have a stowaway?

Just like I'm standing here!

I want to rest a little.

They can call me, then you send for me.

Then we'll figure it out. Right now I need some privacy.

Yes, I will wake you up in the morning.

Sleep well and have pleasant dreams! I will find him.

Are you going to keep a stowaway here?

Go down with your wife. She's on the top bunk.

Thank you.

And you just stay here. I have to find Georg.

- Yes, but I think I'm sick. - It's because we're at sea.

- Do you want a sailor's dick? - Yes, yours.

Have you been to the infirmary and gotten pussy yet?

Oh, I see you were. Good night.

Oh, I'm sorry.

This is where you're hiding, Disa! Confess.

- Who is speaking? - Who are you?

It's me. I took off my glasses and I hear strange sounds.

- They're fucking on the top bunk. - Oh, that's what's going on.

Are you a ghost or real?

- Who are you? - I'm a mechanic.

- Georg Hansen, 051249-0021? - Yes, it's me.

Tell me everything. I am the owner's agent.

- Yes. No, I'll think about it... - No, don't be afraid of me.

I am the owner's right hand.

But at the same time I am a woman.

And I see you... and I hear sounds...

And he gets up. Stay with me, stay!

The ship owner's word is law for me.

Let's listen to the music of love together.

- And here's dinner. Ham and omelette. - Oh.

Eel in jelly and shrimps. Food for sailors and sportsmen.

You're seasick, Peter! Wait. Willie's got some whiskey here.

Then there's only one way... Grab me by the ears, Peter.

- Bend your arms. - Yes.

A stowaway has disappeared from the infirmary. Where is he?

I don't know. But there is something weighing on my conscience.

- There's a woman in the infirmary. - I know, it's okay!

- But, captain, what do you mean? - I'm the one that locked her there.

There must be two of them.

- Have you seen the stowaway? - He's not here.

- He does exist after all. - Yes! Yes, yes, yes.

Not this! Not on my ship. This will be investigated!

Mrs. Nielsen?

And the mechanic! Was he pestering you?

Was he pestering me, Mr. Captain? No, it's so great to sail like that.

- Now I not only see better... - Good.

Second mate... and a woman? How dare you?

- This is my wife, captain. - Well, that's a different matter!

The second mate is here, and I am standing here.

The first mate is off duty. Who is steering the ship?

Kronborg on the nose! We've been heading in the wrong direction all night!

I'm going to get fired! And all because there are women on board.

Here's the stowaway! And the mechanic!

- No, she's a woman. - Yes, and he's my boyfriend.

The good thing about having two genders is it's better when you mix them.

I like what's going on in the company!

And you, our best captain!

The company has set a new course, and then I will set a new course too.

Subtitles by ShinjiGR