Original subtitles

You're in my place.

I'm sorry?

You're in my place.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Hey, you!

- Me? - Visitors have to sign in.

Oh wait, I've worked here for seven years.

- I see you every day. - I don't work weekends...

- I'm sorry? - ...It is therefore impossible

for you to see me every day. I.D.

- Yeah, I... - Supplementary I.D.

Oh yeah, the funny thing is I don't have any.

It's actually in my case, which is in the door of a train.

- It got stuck. - Do you think that's funny?

No. No, it's actually more upsetting than anything else.

Don't make a jest of this, sir.

I won't.

Oh, um... Actually my name is Simon James.

Uh, you left off the "J" in my last name.

- I need to see your pass. - Right.

Uh-huh.

Sorry.

Put your jacket on, son.

This isn't a brothel.

No shirking! This is the big push!

Plenty to do. The Colonel is counting on each and every one of you, as am I.

Mr. Papadopoulos, actually... Mr. Papadopoulos, excuse me.

Mr. Papadopoulos, I've finished up.

In fact, I completed substantially more than my quota.

I took my jacket off only because it's so hot,

not because I mistook the office for a brothel.

Excellent job. That's the type of initiative we need.

How long have you been here, son?

- Just started, eh? - Yes sir, seven years ago.

You know we've been pruning the dead wood.

The Colonel refuses to carry any more passengers.

Er, actually, I have some rather exciting ideas

I've been wanting to share with the Colonel about how

we could make our reports more efficient.

I think by using simple regression analysis

we could really reconfigure the entire business.

- My daughter's name is Melanie. - A nice name.

She's interning for the holidays.

- Say hello, Melanie. - Hello, Melanie.

Stanley here is gonna be your mentor.

- Yes. What? - An hour a day,

at your discretion. She's a good girl,

- but no head for figures. - Yeah.

Idiot.

- You can go now. - Right. Yes, thank you.

Because if I were to find out how depressing

and demeaning whatever the fuck it is you do here,

I might be forced to feel sorry for you.

Right. Well,

I look forward to it.

Hi.

Copy.

Oh.

Why don't you print out two copies? That would make sense.

That would be what a normal person would do.

- Sorry. - You can't use this place for one copy.

- It was the same story yesterday. - Sorry.

- You're always sorry. - Sorry about that.

Hey, Hannah, can you stay late?

- I've gotta get this thing lanced. - Uh-huh.

One copy.

Yes, please.

I know.

I know!

Yes, mom, I'll be there.

I always work late.

I'm trying to leave now.

Because I'm talking to you. Yeah.

Okay. Yes. Bye.

You can rely on me. Okay.

People...

The ultimate resource.

Yet to some businesses they all look the same.

But the Colonel knows people are different.

The Colonel knows business is people and people are business,

making your business his business.

Because the Colonel knows people.

And the Colonel knows that you demand

the most powerful data-processing system

on the planet to make sense of it all.

The Colonel will show you people

in a way your business can understand.

Because the Colonel knows there's no such thing

as special people.

Just people.

- Which one was you? - Which one...

I don't know how to answer that.

The one... the one that was me.

He didn't look like you. He had brown hair.

We both have brown hair.

I mean, I have... I... We're the same person.

- I'm not gonna die ever... - I know.

- ...so you can forget it. - Okay.

Will you stop talking?

I'm trying to sleep.

Your mother says you're a strange boy.

- I'm sorry? - Your mother says you're a strange boy.

Oh. Thank you.

Let me see your hand.

Oh, that's okay. I'm fine.

You're not right.

May I speak with you?

Yes.

Will you excuse me?

Yes?

There seems to be a discrepancy in your bill.

Oh yes, well, there was a rather large cost increase

- and no explanation, so I thought... - There's a new price.

- And why is that? - Improvements.

- That seems a little... - Unfair.

Yeah.

Oh, sorry.

Okay.

That's all I have.

Yeah.

It's not enough.

You shouldn't be doing that.

Sorry.

- And then what did you do? - Sorry?

And then what did you do?

- I called the police. - Right.

Anything else?

He waved at me.

- Yeah? - Right before he jumped he waved.

How did he wave?

- Did you wave back? - I wonder why he did it.

His note said he was lonely. He should have got a dog.

Or exercised more. That's important.

- Should I write that down? - Maybe in parenthesis.

- Does that mean brackets? - What the fuck are brackets?

- Did he suffer? - Splat.

Do you see this sort of thing often?

Every day. That's what we do... suicides.

- Only suicides? - That's right.

- For the whole city? - We can barely cover the neighborhood.

You know the funny thing is

he would have landed on that awning if he'd just jumped a few feet to the right.

You see that? He would have fallen, bounced off

and landed somewhere about there.

Probably would have survived.

Horribly maimed, of course, but still.

If you get 'em to the hospital quick enough to stop the brain swelling.

You're not thinking of killing yourself, are you?

Sorry?

- It's a simple question. - No.

- Should I put him down as a "no"? - Put him down as a "maybe."

What are you doing here?

The man that jumped?

- I saw it. - How?

I live in that building.

I didn't know him.

- He waved at me. - Strange.

It's the Colonel's ball tomorrow.

Do you think you'll go? I don't know if I'll go.

It's mandatory. Everyone has to go.

Hannah?

Yeah?

It's terrible to be alone too much.

I think it was an orange juice. I just...

- Are they normally that rude here? - Yes.

- Then why do you come? - I think I'm quite loyal.

You'll have to hand in your holo-badge and blaster.

Come and get 'em.

Holster your blaster, Jack.

I like this show.

I don't mind dying.

In fact, I'm getting quite used to it.

The way I figure it, you only get one life.

And like they say...

There's no such thing as second chances.

Jack, this isn't you.

Then who the hell is?

He's in your heart.

He's good and right and true.

I was lying when I said I didn't know him.

The man who jumped? I kind of knew him.

I'd never really met him. I'd more confronted him.

He was this person who'd been following me around for a while,

and I'd always see him, no matter where I went...

Like at the office, on the subway, by my apartment.

You know, in that little underpass thing by the apartments?

He'd just be there, watching.

And I thought, "that's strange." But, you know, whatever.

Men look at women. You get used to it.

But then I found out that he lived above me and I thought, "that's really odd."

Like, did he follow me around because he lived in the same building as me

and he got fixated? Or did he get fixated and then move in?

So anyway, eventually I thought, "you know what?

Enough is enough." Because it was actually getting frightening.

Well, like a little bit frightening. It was more annoying than frightening, so...

I went up to him and he looked over his shoulder at me

as if to say, "who, me?" Like he hadn't been stalking me.

And so I looked at him square in the eyes and I said, "what do you want from me?"

And he starts stumbling and mumbling

and says, "I think I'm falling for you."

And I said, "do you think just staring at me

is some kind of meaningful gesture?

What exactly do you think is going to happen here?

Do you think you know who I am?

You know, that if you stare long enough,

I'll just turn around one day and I'll kiss you?

Like we're going to somehow be together?

Stop fucking following me!"

And he did.

- My God, when was this? - Last night.

Do you think there's a connection?

No. I mean, it sounds like he had a lot of things going on.

I mean, maybe he just wanted somebody to notice him.

You know, a person can get really sick of just floating by.

But I attract so many weirdos.

Anyway what's your story?

- When did you move into the building? - A long time ago.

Yeah, I definitely didn't move in recently.

Thanks for this.

I feel better.

Hey, I just got my ears pierced.

That's weird, huh, at my age?

No. I mean, you're not that old or weird. You're just...

- Hey, you got a call. - Oh, it's not for me.

Frumpy-looking guy named Simon?

That's me. Yeah.

Would you excuse me? Mom?

No, it's just a night terror.

No, that didn't ever happen.

I know I'm a disappointment.

I have to go now. I'm with a girl.

Yes, a female girl.

I don't know if she's fertile.

"Thanks for the talk. Maybe see you at the ball.

Here, play a song for me. Hannah."

No, nothing, you're not here.

My card hasn't been working.

Why does no one else have to swipe in?

- See you in there! - Harris. Wait, Harris, he knows...

Harris, could you please tell her who I am?

- I've never seen this man before in my life. - You're not here.

- I've worked here for seven years. - You're just not here.

Why would I try to break into something that's mandatory?

- Planning on breaking in? - You know what "mandatory" means?

- 'Cause that's not allowed. - It means that no one wants to be here.

You don't know what I want.

♪ I was born

♪ In east Virginia

♪ North Carolina

♪ I did love

♪ There I met

♪ A very pretty baby

♪ Her name and age

♪ I do not know

♪ Well, in my heart you are ♪

♪ My darling

♪ At my door

♪ You are welcome in

♪ At my gate

♪ I meet you, my darling

♪ If your love

♪ I could only win...

You're not meant to be here.

I have worked here for seven years.

I am an employee of this company.

You'd be well-advised to let go of me.

Do not test my strength.

♪ Still in the night...

♪ I'm dreaming about you...

Sir, this is not me.

This is not me.

No. This is not me, sir!

♪ Just the thought

♪ Of you, my darling...

♪ Sends aching pains

♪ All through my breast.

I bought you a present, but I decided it wasn't appropriate.

Hmm?

I bought you a present, but I decided it wasn't appropriate.

Oh.

Okay.

I really didn't kick it that hard.

The hardness of the kick was recorded.

- Super. - I don't know what I was thinking.

- I've never done anything like that before. - If I could just trouble you for your card?

- Yeah. - Magic.

I'm afraid this card is corrupted.

Corrupted? What does that mean, "corrupted"?

You will receive a replacement within six to eight weeks.

Well, how will I get in and out of the building?

Lovely.

This one?

Er, no, that one. And it's worth checking

- after a couple of screen pages. - How do you not kill yourself?

Jesus, that was brutal last night. So embarrassing getting chucked out.

- Hannah saw the whole thing, of course. - Oh, yeah, you got it. That's it.

Do you think you're being encouraging? Is that why you keep saying things?

Maybe you should get your printer fixed is what I'm saying.

- Are you touching my earlobe? - Yes, I am.

Aren't you like a million years old?

- Don't fight this. - Harris, that's not appropriate.

Why won't you die?

We could really use a bright young man like you.

Especially right now, with the big push and all.

I'd like to introduce everyone to our newest co-worker.

A bright young man who I'm sure will be an asset.

He was the only one not fired in the final cull at our sister office.

Even the cockroaches didn't survive.

Well, I'll let you get started, young hotshot.

Soon you'll have my job.

Everyone, please welcome James Simon.

There's no need to be alarmed. My cleaning lady's a diabetic.

We just need to jam a cookie down his throat.

No, no, sir, I'm not diabetic.

- It's just a shock that... - Don't worry, son.

We're not replacing you. I'm not one of these holier-than-thou types.

Drugs can be healthy for a person. Just leave it out of the office.

No, no, not drugs, sir. No, no.

Last night was a mistake. And now...

Now... now this strange man, I just...

No need for details. It's happened to us all.

Have a drink of water then get back to work.

Harris.

Harris, have you spoken to the new employee?

- James? Yeah sure, I met him. - And?

He seems all right.

But did you notice anything strange about him?

- I mean, did he remind you of anyone? - No.

- No one at the office? - No.

Okay. Would...

Can I... could you...

Would... could I please just...

You can...

Thank you.

Yeah.

- Who did you have in mind? - Me, for instance.

Oh yeah, suppose so.

You suppose so?

Yeah yeah, you look just like him.

- Yes, I do, don't I? - Yeah, and you're not even Chinese.

- It's pretty fucked up. - Yes, it is that.

Now now why didn't you notice?

Well, no offense, mate, but...

You're pretty unnoticeable.

Bit of a non-person.

What'll it be?

What, do you want to go...? Okay, no, sorry then.

I'll just have a... Coke and a bagel.

- We're out of bagels. - Oh.

Right, then, um...

Right. Then I'll just...

- Come on. - Right, sorry, I just...

I'll just... I can just have the coke then, I guess.

- A coke. And you? - A coffee.

- A coffee. - And scrambled eggs.

We don't serve breakfast in the evening.

- Why not? - Because it says so on the menu.

- Well, do you still have eggs here? - Yeah.

- And do you have a frying pan? - Yeah.

Then do me a favor and make me some scrambled eggs.

- Fine. Anything else? - Bacon.

- Bacon. - And toast.

- And toast. - And a beer.

And a beer. Anything else?

- No, that's it. - Are you sure?

Just get me the damn food.

- What? I'm hungry. - No, it's just...

I don't know, I would have never done that.

- You don't like eggs? - No, I mean, I just...

Don't think I would feel comfortable talking to someone like that.

She's a waitress. She's here to serve us.

If you don't tell her what you actually want, how can she do her job?

No, I can see that... She can be a little short sometimes,

and I do think being forthright certainly has its place.

And I'm not, like, criticizing your behavior or anything.

Here is your coffee,

your beer and your breakfast.

We're out of coke.

You both have very beautiful hands.

To be continued.

Don't go anywhere.

The dark-haired one is a dirty dirty thing. Which one do you want?

- I'm sorry? - I prefer the brunette, but either way.

That's all right, you can have both.

- Never again. - I'm gonna go to the bathroom.

- Hey, watch it, will you? - Sorry, sorry.

What the fuck are you gonna do about it?

Hi, I don't think we've talked.

Would you mind holding this for me? Thank you.

We should leave.

How come you don't have a girlfriend?

I don't know.

You a flamer?

No, there's someone I've been thinking about.

A lot.

- Like some fantasy shit? - No, she's real.

A person.

- So what's the problem? - I don't know.

I have all these things that I want to say to her, like...

Like how I can tell that she's a lonely person, even if other people can't.

'Cause... 'Cause I know what it feels like

to be lost and lonely and invisible.

Simon, you have to go after what you want.

I would tear the asshole off an elephant for a piece of trim I wanted that bad.

I've tried talking to her, but I don't know how to be myself.

It's like I'm permanently outside myself.

Like... like you could push your hand straight through me if you wanted to.

And I couldn't see the type of man that I wanna be

versus the type of man I actually am.

And I know that I'm doing it, but I'm incapable of doing what needs to be done.

I'm like Pinocchio.

I'm a wooden boy,

not a real boy.

And it kills me.

Hey, it's okay. He's with me.

Oh. Please.

Any friend of James's is a friend of mine.

I'm not even making that up, really.

Oh, Harris, did you get a chance to take a look at that report yet?

Ah, good, thank you. No, not now.

And, uh, Rudolph, no rush on the coffee.

I'll take a nap or something.

- What switch? - What switch?

The switch. You're taking the aptitude test for me.

We-we went through all this last night, the switch.

- Please stop saying "the switch." - You said you would help me

with all this boring office-work crap like this test.

I've got reports to finish. I am out of my booth. I have to teach Melanie.

Just take the test. I'll babysit for an hour.

- Do you even know what we do here? - What's to know?

What if we get caught?

Well, how will we get caught? We have the same face.

You may now turn over your paper.

Look at the two screens

and identify the next figure in the sequence.

All the boys in my school are so childish, so immature.

No, nothing but a batch of raging hormones.

It's like daddy wanted me to go on a date with his friend's son.

Like just 'cause we're the same age doesn't mean

- we have anything in common. - Mm-hmm, no.

It's no substitute for a real spiritual connection or... or finding your soul mate.

I don't know, I've always felt that emotional maturity

is totally unrelated to material age. I'm just interested in the real person.

- Do you drink coffee? - No.

Would you like to try one?

- Finished already? - Yes, sorry.

When do you think you'll have the results?

For you, right away.

But you need to realize that data entry

and collection and computers and stuff,

it can be sensual. It does have a romance.

It can be sexy. All these lives that we're recording,

their hopes, their dreams, their loves...

Each person out there, apart yet connected.

We're giving these faceless people immortality.

Wow.

That's an amazing way of looking at it.

These results are off the charts, James.

I knew we hired the right man, I just knew it.

Thank you, sir.

Where is the kid from that desk?

He's been here a while; Just between you and me,

- he hasn't impressed. - I'm sure there must be some explanation.

Sticking up for a co-worker even though he has limited ability...

I like that. Very admirable.

- So? - Where were you?

- How did I do? - You aced it.

- Oh! I knew it. - I told you to be back an hour ago.

Oh, don't worry about it, the old man's an idiot.

We are gonna be running this place.

All right, so I will leave you to finish up and get out of your hair.

Where is she? There she is!

Oh, you got me. You got me.

And it's a good thing I fixed my printer. Just used a little elbow grease,

so I won't be needing to come down as much.

When you rub them together they usually sound like crickets,

- but... I've lost it. - And I'm sorry

I missed you at the Colonel's ball the other night.

- I think they've changed the cups. - Well, back to work.

Hmm. Strange.

- Hey, that went great! - I don't know.

Leave her wanting more. Did you use the line about the elbow grease? That's erotic.

Okay, within a week you're going to get hand on boob.

That is a promise. Now we stick to the plan, okay? No contact.

Cold Turkey for a few days. All right?

Yeah yeah, she's definitely looking at you.

You had a little setback at the ball, but now she's going

"how come Simon hasn't been down to see me? Why is he being all mysterious?

What's going on in that magnificent mind of his?"

- Do you really think she's looking at me? - Yeah.

- All right, now lick your lips. - Yeah. What?

It sends out a subliminal sexual signal.

Show the tongue, but be careful not to look like a lizard. Go.

Yeah, now.

- I feel so stupid. - Here we go.

Oh... oh.

Is that okay if I stand here?

- Yes, it is. - Hmm.

So I was thinking maybe we should meet up sometime.

Just you and me.