Original subtitles

Subtitles by explosiveskull www.OpenSubtitles.org

Okay, alright everybody we're ready

Here you go, Finn

I know.

Okay

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday dear, Finn

Happy Birthday to you

Make a wish for anything you want in the world

[No Audio]

[Skating Sounds]

[Indistinct Dialogue]

Come on! What do you mean?

Right now?

[Inaudible Arguing]

One full day

This is one full day!

Twenty four hours!

[Inaudible Arguing]

Trust me, it had nothing to do with you

Please, say "hi" to Jimmy for me

You make everything so difficult

Fuck you!

[Car idles]

[Car screeches]

Finn, no!

Come back!

Dad! Dad, no!

Dad, wait!

Wait!

[No audio]

[Music]

Hey Finnegan

Um, that's - that's not my name

I know

I just think it's a cute nickname.

What's the trouble with that?

Hey, can I see a question?

I think you already did.

Why do you look into this house so much. I see you do it every time you drop off my newspaper.

I just know someone who lives there. That's all.

Do you ever visit them?

Nope mmm, and they don't visit me

Do you wanna come inside for some coffee. I just made a pot

I don't really drink coffee

I have tea

I kinda gotta get back to my route.

Right.

Hey, um, there's a party going on tonight, you should come. I would love to see you there

Is it a college party?

Yeah, it's friends from school

I don't... I don't really go to school

That's okay. You can bring a friend if you'd like.

Will you at least think about it?

I'll think about it

Okay. Well, I'll send you the address just in case

OK

OK

Bye?

[Transition Music]

One or two?

One

two

You know one of these days I would love to hear that beautiful voice of yours

[Finn opens door]

You better take notes off

I am

What are you doing today?

Going to the rink

No, you're not you're watching your sister

I have to work

Okay

If you're forcing me to watch Kate, why did you ask what I was doing today for maladies mom?

Formalities

Mom, I have to go train

Okay, if it's that important to you, you can take her with

That's... that's embarrassing. What if people see?

Nobody goes to the rink. I think you'll be fine

[Sigh]

Okay, isn't Kate old enough to do her own hair?

Once the mitts come off and she learns to stop scratching

Okay, isn't she a little too old for pigtails

Maybe, but it keeps the boys away so it's fine by me

Will you two survive?

Yes

[Transition music]

[aggressive toothbrushing]

Hey, what's up, Mr. Hollenbeck?

Good morning, Finn, Kate

Mind if we, uh, go in?

Yeah go on in, I'll be in in a sec

Ok

[aggressive toothbrushing]

Okay, Kate I asked Cosmo to meet me here this morning, so try and act cool, alright?

Can you time me?

Great

Three two one go

[Racing music]

[aggressive toothbrushing]

[Racing music]

Time!

Oh, 35:04 not bad for a warmup

You know if keep self congratulating yourself you'll never beat your old records, my friend

Cosmo!

Finn

[grunting; yelping]

Kind of hard to do in skates

well

You better get back to work

Okay, I only came here for emotional and only absolutely necessary physical support

Get back out there.

Got it

[Skating]

You know I ran the numbers last night

It's not looking too good

You know in order to achieve perfection at something it's true one needs practice

But I needed to ask myself the question how much practice does it take to make perfect

We all know the phrase, but I've found that in my studies. It takes approximately

10,000 hours of practicing something before achieving perfection at it

For Finn this means practicing at least four hours a day six days a week. Take off one day for the Sabbath god rest

Ye merry gentlemen. We're looking at around one thousand two hundred and forty eight hours a year, so it will take roughly

Point zero one two years for Finn to achieve perfection at skating by then

He'll be much closer to thirty far less flexible

His muscle mass will be on the downhill and don't even get me started on his bone dexterity.

Oh, and the competitions in four weeks, so

But I'm trying to remain positive, you know focus on the good

Like maybe no one will show up

Or maybe no one else in the competition will be as dedicated and skilled

One can hope

He's really going all-out for this, huh?

Yep

Ever since you posted that flyer in the window last spring it's been all he can talk about

"Cosmo, I'm gonna be the best roller skater in the Midwest. I guarantee it"

Well, the kid doesn't need a competition to prove he's great

Hey

Watch your posture

[Calculator clicks]

[Knocks]

Come in

You still need those files right?

Bring 'em on in

OK

[Sighs; calculator clicks]

Uhhh

You white people are so boring

Alright, fine

I joined one of those dating sites. There. Isn't that exciting.

Which one?

Christian Mingle? Black People Meet?

No, no

Um, it's one of the ones on my phone

Tinder!

That's the one

So you been swipin' this weekend

Apparently too much so

You got a match

And we may or may not be meeting tonight.

What girl you just built all the tea? Who was this guy?

He's just someone from around town seemed nice.

Well, look at Barb's gonna get herself a man

That is not what this is. It's just... I was just curious

Then that's fine. Just do your thing.

You don't think it's

Weird or anything do you?

Why would it be weird?

With the kids and everything

They're old enough

But I'm not

My identity has been wrapped up in being mom for so long I thought it was time I started exploring new things

Such as

What it's like to be me

[Calculator]

All right, what'll that be today

Uh, what was that an hour and a half? $7.50

Keep the change

Thanks, I need it

Tell you boys I've been running the numbers lately and things don't look very good around here.

What?

I hate to say it

Okay, ah

But I have to train for the competition

I'll be back here every day up until then that has to give you some good business, right?

every little bit helps

if only Cosmo had a way of inventing a money machine

I tried that once, almost got arrested so

I'll be back tomorrow.

All right guys. Have a good day

Hey, wait a minute before you go, uh

There's something I would want to run past you

What's that?

I have a date tonight, and I'm kind of nervous about it

Oh

Is that why you were brushing your teeth in the parking lot?

No

So you guys are young

Sure, you have no problem with the ladies. You got any tips for an old fellow like me

That is not my department

It's okay, buddy. I got you

You know in my experience, I've found that ladies love being romanced by words

You know be a poet say something like you're fresher than tomorrow's milk, baby

chicks dig that

Also, um ladies love pheromones, you know biologically speaking. So just try to smell like yourself

Unless, uh

She doesn't like you and then

Try to smell like somebody else

duly noted

All right, well, uh, see you tomorrow

[Chips crunching]

[Transition Music]

I'm worried about what Mr. Hollenbeck said

Don't be I mean that place has been open since before we were born

Ain't gonna close anytime soon.

Yeah, but, the economy

I've wanted this as far back as I can remember

Relax, everything will work itself out

Yeah, but what about Murphy's Law you talk about that a lot. If something can go wrong it will

Look

science is right about basically everything it's factual, but

This is different

It's fate

Your fate is to win this competition.

I sure, hope so

Hey, I, uh, got invited to a party today

What?

Yeah by uh by that girl from high school, Lily

Um, she said I could bring friends.

Did you tell her you only have one

No!

Oh, and why is that?

cuz I don't I have friends as

as in multiple

Friends, it's plural.

Yeah, really?

Yes. Really.

Okay. Well, who are these other friends?

People!

No, no, I want names

Okay, yo... your family can be friends too

Anyway, we're not going

We have to!

Why

because

It's a college party, right? Which means there'll be girls there

College girls.

Who... Who cares? We don't go to college?

Why would we go?

Because, um, a pretty girl invited us so we should go.

in case you haven't noticed

we don't really fit in at those kind of parties.

Okay. Well maybe this time

We try

Okay, uh, what about my sister? My mom will be out late and I can't leave her home alone. I

I think you just and your answer, right? She'll be out late

So we'll go out have fun and then we'll be back before she's even home

Do you think we'd have any fun?

I would

I'll try

Yes!

Okay, but

We can leave before my mom gets back.

Yes

and we can leave if I'm not having any fun

Also, yes

Okay, fine

This is gonna be the time of our lives

Um, but first we need to find you something to wear

[Restaurant Chatter]

Hi, excuse me, I'm meeting someone tonight and you must be them

You are radiating

The woman said to look for the most beautiful person in the room and well, you're quite obviously her

May I sit down?

Of course

I'm Leonard, you must be Denise

Um, no

That would be someone else. Thank you for your kind words though

That's the last time I swap emails for a blind date

Voila

This is it. This is your outfit

Are you sure it looks okay?

It's perfect. You know, you're lucky my dad taught me about men's fashion

Excuse me, miss?

Yes?

Are you waiting for a day too?

Barbara?

I am

Please have a seat

You think we should go in?

Finn, you're not gonna regret going to a party that some girl invited you to.

You are going to regret staying at

home while knowing that there's people out there experiencing things. Living!

[Party Music]

Are you looking for someone?

Uh, yeah. Lily, do you know where she is?

Maybe

I've never seen you around here before

What

I've never seen you around here before

Oh, uh, you have no reason to

How about this we play a little game

If you win I'll tell you where Lily is

If you lose I guess you're on your own. You in?

[Party Music]

So do you do this often?

Go out with beautiful women?

Charming

No, not really

Uh, is it lame to say you're my first?

It's ok, I'll go slow

What about you

Absolutely not never in a million years today see myself doing this kind of thing

Guess it's time for a change

I think it's really cool that, um, your career is so important to you

Thanks, most men wouldn't find that endearing

Jealous. I own a small business. It could be really nice to be with someone who understands it. Works a big deal.

Any hobbies?

My other full-time job takes up all my time for hobbies but since this is supposed to be fun I'll spare you the details

Ah, it's okay, I get it. Lady of the night.

Yeah

Something like that, yeah

You can tell me if you want

Sure, you want to go there?

Is it so scary?

Single mother

Ah

You want to get the check?

No, I think that's wonderful

Really?

I was raised by a single mother. They're tough

amazing

I have a lot of respect for that

All right

Bringing up my children and your mother on a first date that seems more like a fifth, but I guess it's okay

Maybe just me as we're getting along

[Party Music]

So, uh, what's the game?

Never have I ever

How do you play?

You don't know how to play never have I ever?

I just need to know the rules, okay

Maybe he was home-schooled or something

We each take turns saying something we've never done, if you've done it you take a drink

So is the point of the game to keep the cup full or empty?

I'll go first

Never have I ever kissed

someone of same gender

[Laughs]

Does the cheek count?

What, you've never kissed your uncle goodbye?

Alright, never have I ever done "it" outside

[Gasps]

How about you go

Uh, no that's okay

just pick some...

I'm blanking

Just pick!

Oh, I've never been kissed

What was that?

Um, nothing, I shouldn't of said anything

Never been kissed? How pathetic is that?

Yeah, what are you like twenty-something and you've never even gotten any lip action?

That's why you look familiar. Did you go to West?

Yeah

Oh my gosh, you're Finn Comewell.

Conwell!

Guys this dude is so sad

He had to drop out his senior year and be homeschooled because he had no friends

No wonder he's never been kissed

Wait, so you were homeschooled?

I have to go

Wait, just one more question. Where the hell did you end up going to college anyway?

I didn't go to college

Couldn't get in?

No, I - I wanted to do other things with my life

Are you still into rollerskating? Please tell me you gave that up

This guy! He used to roller skate to school every day

Couldn't take the bus 'cause he'd get picked on

And his mommy couldn't take him 'cause she had to work non-stop after daddy left

Isn't that right, Comewell?

I have to go

What do you say we stay up here tonight?

Not tonight

Carter, I said no

Hey what's the big deal

Carter I said no

You're a little tease, aren't you?

Carter, no! What is the matter with you?

What's the big deal? We do it once then we can never do it again

[Door slam]

I'm sorry, they said those things I - I had no idea that was going to happen

It was a stupid game

I wanna go home

We can go

[Distant Party Music]

Oh, uh, Lily sorry, I didn't know you were out here

No it's fine

You're friends said you were upstairs with your boyfriend

No, that guy's a prick

You know if that guy's a jerk he doesn't deserve you

Rough night too? You were in quite the hurry to get out here

Coming here was a mistake.

I know what you mean

What happened to you?

Just like high school

All over again

You know, thought people change but my fault

Were people messing with you?

[Chorts]

You could say that

what did they do?

It's... it's embarrassing

Finn, it's me

Okay, we were playing never have I ever. You played it?

Of course

Sorry

And

It was my turn and I didn't know what to say

so I just said never have I ever been kissed and

That was a mistake

Finn, that's okay. People say things they don't mean all the time when they're flustered

Oh

Yeah

You've never been kissed

Oh Finn

Not you too

Lily, Lily

Lily, what are you doing out here?

Um

Who's this dipstick?

He's just a friend

Oh, so I'm supposed to believe you just left your boyfriend up there high and dry to come hang out with some other dude outside

Just leave him alone. Okay

Hey, I know this guy. It's that weird rollerskating kid from high school

Carter!

Okay

I said leave him alone

[Party Music]

Carter, knock it off!

Hey there big boy, wanna tell these people you still roller skate?

Yeah

I can't hear you.

Yes

You hear that guys? Guess this loser couldn't get into college

Carter, you're making a scene

Zip it, blondie!

Just - just

Just what?

Let me be

Ok!

[Party Music]

[Splash]

See you later

Oh my god, Finn, are you okay?

Leave me alone

Come on, let's go. I'll Drive you home

No

Call my mom

You'll get in trouble

Just call her!

Are you okay?

What do you think?

Let me help you

Leave me alone

[Party Music]

And when they finally found him he was just floating in the hot water all bloated and patchy and not moving

That's absolutely disgusting.

Wait. There's more as it turns out he was

[Phone vibrates]

Uh

[Phone Vibrates]

I'm sorry, just just one minute. Cosmo? What is it?

Seriously

I'll be right there.

Is everything all right?

Actually no

I'm so sorry. There's been an incident with my eldest and I have to go.

You ok? You want me to drive you?

Uh, no, uh, I don't know. I'll be fine. I'm so sorry. I had a wonderful evening, um

We'll talk soon

I can't believe you snuck out leaving your sister home alone at night

That's unacceptable no matter what went on tonight I'm still gonna have to ground you a week

Other than the wet

You look really nice

You should dress that way more often

[Phone Vibrates]

Hey, it's me

Sorry, I know it's late. I just wanted to make sure you got home okay

I hope everything's all right with your son.

I want to let you know I had a great time tonight

I'm sorry, we couldn't finish out the evening, but I know that things happen

Anyway, you were great

If you want to go out again

Call me

[No Audio]

What do you want?

Okay, I came here to apologize

For what?

For making you go to that party I should have never made you do that if it made you uncomfortable

Okay

Just okay

Yeah

I apologized

actions speak louder than words

Cosmo I'll believe it when I see it

How am I supposed to do that? Invent time travel and go back and change everything?

Well, you are an inventor that's a start

Okay, you know I can't do that.

I would if I could but

So I'll just prove to you that from here on out I'll be a good friend

How about I help you win that competition?

That would be great. If only I could train but since I'm grounded I can't so it's not a lot of catching up to do

So when you're ungrounded we'll start up again

Everything will be okay

Cosmo you don't understand. The only thing I want in this world is to win that competition and you put that in jeopardy

Fine maybe I did

Listen don't be mad at Lily. She couldn't help what her boyfriend did

Just be mad at me instead. I deserve it. She doesn't

All right

[BEEP]

Work on time travel machine

[BEEP]

Work on making Finn less stubborn machine

What's going on Mr. H?

Oh Finn hi, I don't know exactly how to say this.

I had to close a rink. I just came by for some paperwork.

What?

This can't be happening

Look, I'm sorry that I haven't been here this week. I was grounded I could have if I would have I just

I'll be here every day up into the competition and after

I'm sorry kid the rent increased. I just can't afford it

The rink is closed until further notice

What about the competition?

I'm sorry about the competition. If it makes you feel any better. I heard there's another competition in Iowa

It doesn't. I don't want to win in Iowa. I wanna win here. This is where I've been training. This is where the competition should be

I wish I could help kid

Maybe it's time for the both of us to do something different with our lives.

I don't want to

I want to do this

This is my dream too

Maybe the universe has other plans.

Okay, Mr. H. is there any way we can keep the rink open?

If you can come up with $4,500 by the end of the week to pay for this month's and next month's rent

Yeah, I guess then the competition would still be on

I'll get you that money Mr. H I promise

I hope so kid for your sake and for mine

[Angry Walking]

Finn, what are you doing here this is my place of work you can't go barging in like this-

It's your fault Barbara

What? What's my fault?

the rink closed down

Okay, I'm sorry to hear that Finn

If you were really sorry you woulda let me train now because of you

I lost the two most important things I care about in this world skating and the competition

Stop being overdramatic

You did not lose skating.

You're right. I just lost my favorite place in the world to do it at

Finn you're being dramatic. You can skate wherever you want. It doesn't have to be at some crappy little ring

And where do you suppose I do that at huh?

outside

[Stuttering]

Outside

What am I a street hooligan?

Finn, you skate outside all the time

for economical and efficient purposes

Not for leisure, don't be facetious

Everyone knows if you want a street skate you need in lines.

Look, I don't know what to tell you, kid

All I know it's just because you didn't skate for a week doesn't mean the rink closed down because of you

Now you're just being patronizing.

I'm just giving you the facts

Whatever

Watch that tone, you wanna get grounded for another week?

It's not like it's gonna keep me from doing anything I care about

[No Audio]

[Sigh]

I just

I don't even know what I'm supposed to do

Okay, Finn when I made you the promise that I would do anything I could to help you win this competition, um

I wasn't lying

Well, I don't think your plan included the roller rink shutting down

Have I ever stroke you as a simple man?

Excuse me?

Have I ever stroke you as a simple man?

I don't know what you mean. I've never been

stroked by a man before I think you mean striked?

No stroke. Strike ain't a word

Well, neither is ain't

Anyway when I made you that promise I weighed all possible outcomes

Calculated every possible way this could have turned out. Even for the worst possible outcome

And I think you've arrived at it

Actually, uh, this wasn't the worst possible outcome

What could have possibly been worse than this?

You could have died unexpectedly. I would have been forced to

Have you ever seen Weekend at Bernie's?

Okay, what's your plan Cosmo?

Okay

If the rink is closing down because of financial related issues then we get the money we need, right?

Genius

Why didn't I think of that? Oh, wait, I did.

Okay, and did you come up with a solution?

Well other than selling non-essential organs not exactly

Well good thing I'm way ahead of you

Friday night

Friday night

The church bake sale

Go on

Well pastor Flynn had that great idea to have these monthly bake sale or good selling equivalent right to raise money for small

businesses, and I think this qualifies

Okay

I think you're onto something but we have 4,500 dollars to raise in

four weeks

That means that

We'll have to raise four thousand five hundred dollars worth of baked sale or good selling equivalent in one night

Precisely that's... it's... im...

Plausible

What sort of goods would we sell?

Remember Bobby Dula? He was a freshman when we were seniors.

What about him?

Well when the chess team was trying to raise money for those matching team shirts his mom made all those brownies for the school

remember? Everybody loved them.

Those were pretty good brownies

So

What if we make some sort of deal with her where if she bakes us brownies for the bake sale

Then we give her a certain percentage of the profits?

I like where this is going

Do you think he's home?

[No Audio]

So

You want my mom to make you guys brownies?

for a bake sale

Okay, it's more of a business deal, actually. Your mom makes us brownies and we turn it into profit

It's for a good cause

Like to benefit kids with cancer or something?

Sort of, um

You know the old roller rink in town?

I think

Well we all know how fun it is to skate there, right?

I think the last time I was there I was five

This is why it closed down

Okay, um, so some people still hold it very near and dear to their hearts, eh

Close enough to where they should probably seek professional help but um, it closed down and it needs money to re-open

Why don't you guys do a GoFundMe or Kickstarter or something?

Look Bobby Dula, we're the ones with the ideas here, okay?

We're gonna have a bake sale and it's gonna open the rink back up

Well, I guess I can ask my mom if you want. See what she thinks

Hey mom some boys from the neighborhood want to talk to you

You rang, Bobert?

Bobert?

That's my full name

Isn't Bobby normally short for Robert?

It was the 70's. Times were different then, what do you expect?

So, what can I help you boys with?

You still know how to make your world famous brownies?

Of course every Tuesday for yoga night.

Finn and Cosmo are trying to save the roller rink in town

They're starting a bake sale and they remember your brownies being a huge hit from Chess Club

Oh, the old roller rink? Ah, gee, I love that place

You were conceived there, you know

What can I do for you

Um basically just make a crap-ton of brownies for this Friday night. Um,

We'll give you 15% of whatever we make. It's for a good cause

Oh like haircuts for the homeless?

Something like that

Make it nine

Okay

My lucky number

And look, it seems like you guys need all the help you can get. I'd love to tag along with you guys to the bake sale

Be an actual salesperson.

I... thank you to the both of you so much. You have no clue how this is helping me

So

Glad to help

Now

Let's get baked

Already?

Well, of course those brownies aren't just gonna bake themselves. Are they?

Listen, I've got a troop meeting I have to get to but I will help as soon as I get back.

That's fine

I'll just put these boys to work

[Meow]

I have to use the bathroom, I'll be right back. I promise to wash my hands

Oh, don't I like them better dirty anyway

Now, Ms. Dula think of how unsanitary that is and all the diseases you can catch

Hand mouth foot disease

Pink eye

Hepatitis A.

Oh well, um

I like the one with the D better

Now I'm no physician but I don't think you can catch hepatitis D that way

Who said I was talking about the disease?

Huh, I just wish someone would lick my batter

To see if it's any good

I could lick your batter

How's that

Is it good?

Very

You're sure it doesn't need a little more

Sugar?

Mmm, oh no, it's um sweet enough

Good

Cuz you know what they say. If you can't stand the heat

Kiss the cook

I've uh... never heard that one before

Honey be a moose and go get me some milk

I... I think you're out

Keep looking

This

will make

it much better

[Drug Music]

Well, I guess we can't compete with tote bags

Don't lose hope yet

I don't get it people always love my mom's goodies

Maybe we should give some out first, you know, let him try it and get hooked and then come back for more

Not a bad idea. That's always how my mom snagged a man

Excuse me woman.

Yes?

We're selling brownies for the old roller rink in town to stay open

The roller rink? That brings back memories

That's where I first came to know Jesus

My husband but then when the cheating backstabber found a job in Tennessee named Karen

I found my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ

Right, um

Well, the first one is free. So would you like one?

Why not?

Don't worry she'll be back

I sure hope so. We have 4,500 dollars worth to sell

We can do it Finn, you know for someone who's wanted this their entire life sure thing could be a little more gung-ho about it

Okay, you're right sorry I can do this

Excuse me sir.

Yes?

Would you like a free brownie?

Are they gluten-free gluten-free?

Gluten-free? What are you from the West Coast?

No, I have celiac disease. It's very serious

Are these gluten-free?

Yes, they're gluten-free

But Doc Brown just said no.

Well, I'm sorry, you must've misheard

So they're gluten-free?

Sure.

Sure?

Sure

Whatever

All right, that'll be $2.50

Didn't you just say that they're free?

The offer expired

[Clears throat]

Mm-hmm.

Yes?

My change?

Change? What do I look like a plastic surgeon?

Wasn't that guy the pastor?

Made a sale didn't it?

First one of the night

Cosmo's right

We should be handing out free brownie so that way people come back paying for more

That's literally what I just

I know but you also said if this is something I care about which it is

I should try harder. So... I... here I am I'm going to be active. So let's

get

handing

Excuse me, uh, we're handing out free brownie samples. Would you like one?

Yeah, thanks

Got free brownies

Yep, take one

Brownies!

Yeah, sure

They're free because you don't have to pay for them

[Montage Music]

Here you are, okay

[Montage Music]

We have to of handed out over 100 brownies

We made one sale

Is this even gonna work?

It's been two hours the bake sale's technically over

What?

I can't believe it

And we've only made one sale my chances are ruined

Jesus H. Christ

I need another one of those brownies

I need another one of these brownies

Uh, ma'am, the bake sale is technically over.

I don't care. I'll pay top dollar

Name your price.

Uh, okay, um

Name your price

Five

Five hundred dollars

500?

Dollars?

I'm sorry, ma'am, but we can't take personal checks

Shhh!

Can I take one now?

Uh, yeah

Mmm! Anyone who says Jesus Christ is the only way has never tried one of these

So Jesus?

They should start replacing the communion crackers with these brownies

[Heavy Metal Music]

I'm glad you call me back.

I'm glad you called

I can be a little abrasive. I forget not everyone finds that charming.

I think I'm not everyone

How did a guy like you not - never find someone?

Marriage wasn't for me

And some things I wanted to do

Did you do them?

Some of them, and then I realized

Those things on my bucket list would be a fun if I had someone to do them with

You know, they have a Craigslist ad for that kind of thing.

I'll keep that in mind when I bomb the third date

[Snorts; Laughs]

You didn't miss out on anything though

On what?

Being married

Is that true?

Well

At least I didn't have such great look at it

I'm sure you've been hurt by people you cared about

I think it's really brave of you to put yourself out there again

That's one way of putting it

Obviously you didn't need it

Look at the life you've created for yourself. You raised two great kids

That's a direct product of you

Parenting is like any other skill

You do it for years trying new things

failing hoping to get better at it and

Years later that day eventually arrives where you're

Acceptable at it

And you just hope that now is good enough where everyone can forget how bad the trial years were

Parenting is like any other skill it takes practice

Except it's the most difficult one to master

And who knows maybe marriage is like that too

Except no one sticks around long enough to where they're decent at it

If you said that being with someone wasn't worth it, why did you choose to go out?

Because I wondered if I was wrong

Were you?

We'll find out

[Restaurant Noise]

Um

I have to go to the restroom

Right? Me too. Too much wine

[Restaurant Noise]

[Drug Music]

Hi Finn, Hi Cosmo, Hi Finn

Why... Why'd you say that twice?

Did you boys work hard?

Yeah, you wouldn't believe it Ms. Dula, we sold every brownie

Great

I knew they'd like it. I always put in my own extra special ingredient

It makes my brownies stand out above the rest

Is it love?

I was thinking more along the lines of

[Seductively puffs fake smoke]

Cigarette butts?

[Laughs]

Mom not again! I can't believe you put drugs in these brownies

Why are you so upset?

It got you in the Boy Scouts and it worked here, what is the problem?

Mom, you can't keep doing this it's - it's embarrassing

Oh, Bobert. You'll have the whole ride home to complain. Come on.

Bye!

Do you really think she did?

Well I mean was a little convenient how everyone showed up at once

Either way it worked. That's all that matters right? Let's grab some milkshakes and count the money.

[Counting]

1,200

1,200? That's not even half

And accounting for Ms. Dula's cut that's

1104 dollars

So tonight was basically a waste.

No, Finn don't think about it like that

Tonight was a victory. You know, we're one step closer to getting you to your goal

Yeah, but time is dwindling we have to think fast

We're doing the best we can.

Yeah, but I feel like we could be doing more, you know

I mean I read somewhere that broke college girls will sit on birthday cakes in front of a webcam to make money, you know

Maybe that can work

Finn, that's

ridiculous

Okay, you're right I mean, where would we get a birthday cake at this time of night?

Mom what are you doing here?

Finn, Kate. I was seeing a friend. What are you doing here?

We just came for shakes after the bake sale. We're counting the money

Hi Ms. Conwell.

Hi Cosmo

Well, how'd it go?

Meh

He's down because we only made $1,200

$1,200 from a bake sale?

Ms. Dula sure whips up a mean batch

Ms. Dula. I bet she does.

Wait you didn't have any did you?

Nah

Mom we still have $3,400 to go. I don't know what we're gonna do

Well you guys, are smart kids, you'll think of something

Kate how's the scratching going?

Good girl. Hey one last thing Father Flynn called earlier had some Church tax questions

And he won't return my calls. Did you see him tonight?

Uhhh, I'm just sure he's

Wiped out after today

All right

Well, I'm headed off to the loo

Why'd I say it like that?

Your mom's nice

Uh, my mom is weird

Okay. Well, maybe that's where you get it from

Well, hey guys

Mr. Hollenbeck.

What are you doing here?

Well, you know that date I had last week. I guess it went pretty well

So you're out celebrating?

With another date

Congrats!

We have some news

What's that?

We raised eleven hundred dollars to open the ring back up

Eleven hundred? No way.

All this money's for the rink?

And we're not through yet. This is just the first attempt

Oh guys. I can't let you do that.

Too late for that now

I'm flabbergasted. It's really too kind of you. The two of you. Sorry Kate

You're right free sodas for everyone when we open back up

I promise you that we will do the best we can to get you the rest of our money Mr. H

Well, I'm off to the loo

That was weird

My mom just went in there, so maybe you'll see her

Well, I'll try and get the urinal next to hers

Okay, but seriously, what are we gonna do

I - I have an idea that's even better than the bake sale

You know how when schools are trying to raise money for uniforms and such

They'll like set up a benefit with a local restaurant, you know

Like eat here on this night and we'll give you a portion of the proceeds

A fundraiser.

Exactly

But

Those are always for like

Nonprofits or educational institutions and They're always something so low like 15%

Which is why we're in luck

My dad owns a bar downtown remember, so maybe I can pull a few strings

You know alcohol is expensive the place is poppin. And since it's my dad, he'll probably give us a better deal than any other establishment

You're onto something

I'll make a few calls

All right any ideas?

Yeah Cosmo might just save the day

All right, then progress

Barbara are you flirting with these teenagers?

Barbara do you two know each other?

Um

Barbara do you know these kids?

These are my kids

All of them?

No. No These... I...

I thought you said you only had two-

No, I do, I do. These two.

Oh

Wait, how do you know these kids?

They come on the rink all the time

The rink. That's your business

Guilty.

I didn't see that coming.

Wait a second. How do you two know each other?

Oh your mom and I are...

Mr Hollenbeck had some tax questions. They were complicated so we decided to meet over dinner to sort them out

Do you want to get back to our tax chat buddy?

Sure thing pal

Oh

Boy that's awkward.

What was?

Well Mr. H thinks he's on a date with your mom, but she thinks she's on the clock

[Laughs]

Barbara Barbara wait

I'm sorry, if I gave you the wrong idea. I thought we were on a date. I don't wanna look like a fool here

No that's not it at all, I'm so sorry to have done that to you. Just my kids don't exactly know that I'm out in the dating world

It's a sensitive subject. It didn't seem like the right time and I don't want you to get the wrong idea either

Well, it's hard not to

Oh

I like you... I'm just being careful

Give me some time to tell the kids

You've been so nice to me

And I can tell you've been a good man to my kids

Just give me time to tell them

[Door slams]

[Engine Starts]

[Car Drives Away]

[Club Music]

Are we in the right place?

Yeah, my dad's not working tonight, but he said to ask for Willseph

Oh you know, I bet this place sells a lot of

Ribs and steak.

Dad says the specialties bratwurst

Um are they expecting us?

Yeah, he let me make up all these flyers for tonight

Boys night?

Yeah, you know I thought if people knew we were young they'd be more apt to donate

Good thinking!

[Club Music]

So your dad really owns this place, huh?

Yeah, he bought it from some Hispanic her name was Wendy I think

Welcome!

Welcome! I hope you haven't been waiting long. The plumbing's a bit backed up.

Oh, yeah. No worries. Uh, you must be...

Willseph!

Willseph? Is that your real name?

Well, my parents couldn't decide to go with Will or Joseph so they went with both

Well, um, this is Finn, I'm Cosmo my dad runs this place

Ah, yes, he's our daddy, too

Are you both ready for the show?

The show?

Stage names costumes surely you understand this establishment specializes in entertainment!

Yeah!

Of course

The show

Don't worry you don't have anything together for the show; I'll warm the audience for you

Now, the audience hasn't eaten in a while so they're hungry. You twinkies are on in 5!

But be careful they do bite!

Hello, hello, hello

Please give a warm. Two new up and comers

Finn and Cosmo. Or is it Cosmo and Finn?

I guess we'll find out

[Club Music]

Hello, uh - I'm Finn, this is Cosmo we are here tonight for a fundraiser

Which we all hope to benefit from

Nice costume!

It's it's not a... thanks

Uh, well anyway, um

As you may or may not know the old roller rink in town is in jeopardy of shutting down. So we're here

To host a fundraiser in order to keep it open

So what are you gonna do about it?

Uh, what do you want us to do?

Sit on a cake and let us eat it!

I am NOT cleaning that mess up again

Sorry I guess, um, guess I came a little unprepared

Do something... anything... dance!

Ha ha do you wanna see some dancing?

With!

Depends on how much fundraising we do

Finally, the twink speaks

Hey!

DJ... track nine

Hit it!

[Gay Music]

[Distant Club Music]

Now I'm true to my word, my daddy

Cosmo's daddy

Cosmo's father said that you could have 15% of what drinks made tonight

Here you go

Now, if the both of you want to come back even if there's no fundraiser, my door is always open

And so is the clubs

Why is it all wet?

It was in the hot places

Sing us the song you're the piano man

The microphone smells like my rear

Excuse me!

AH!

Excuse me!

Yes?

You both were wonderful tonight I was hoping you can help me out

What do you need?

Look, look I'm a little drunk. And I can't get home my wife cannot know that I'm here

Can you take me?

Sorry, you know I wish we could but my car only fits two people

No, no, no, it's okay. I live in walking distance

You want us to walk you home?

If you could

Yeah, I don't know I'm sorry we we kind of gotta leave

I'll give you 600 bucks

I'm sure we could work something out.

Hahaha, Great. Now, I just need a little bit of help.

Sure

Okay

[Audible Struggle]

Come on

[Audible Struggle]

Not really good at...

I don't think this is gonna work, no

I don't know what we're gonna do

Drag me.

Excuse me

Just drag me. I live in dragging distance

Um

Right

From the knees

[Audible Struggles]

Can't wait to see what the police think of this

Eh, it would look more suspicious if he was in a body bag or something

Please tell me this is your house

Yep. This is it. Right here

Kay

Should we leave?

No, no, no, it'll be okay

Ok

[Doorbell]

Hi home, I'm honey

Where is your wheelchair?

Do you think we should go back and ask for half

Alright 1550

Okay. So put that together with the 1100 from the bake sale and that gives us about

four thousand eight hundred and forty

We did it

We did it with three hundred and forty dollars to spare.

Oh my gosh

I know

We made it we made it

Cosmo, thank you so much for helping me

Couldn't have done it without you.

Of course, I'd help you. You're my best friend. Of course I'd help

Aw

[Upbeat Music]

How's the fundraising going?

We did it.

You got the money?

As soon as I drop off the cash doors are back open

Finn that's awesome. You should be so proud of yourself

Now I can come see you in the competition

You'd do that?

Of course I would

I didn't think we were really that close I just deliver your paper

Finn. We went to high school together for years

Well yeah, but you know, we don't really have a

Common bond anymore

Sure, we do you deliver my paper

When's the competition?

You don't have to come

I want to if it means something to you...

Fourteen days

I'll be there

Here goes nothing

[Knocks]

[Knocks]

I don't get a newspaper subscription

Can I talk to you?

I don't want to buy any newspapers. I'm sorry

I... I... I don't want to sell you any newspapers

So what brings you around

Well, um

You weren't coming back so I figured I'd stop by

You're a lot taller

It's the skates

Probably

So you in school

No

Have a job?

Right

You taking care of your mother

Someone has to

She, um

Never got remarried?

Nope had other priorities

Well, your mother was always very devoted

What about you? Um any...

half brothers and sisters I should know about

No, I don't think so. I was with this one woman for a few years, but

She left me a long time ago

You didn't leave her?

No, I got the short end of the stick that time. Didn't like the way I handled money

Karma I suppose

Karma?

Nope

Give up the white picket fence dream for a third shift job at a warehouse

Can't make your house payments; bank won't stop calling so you have to disconnect your phone, yeah

I'd call that Karma

Guess I never thought about it like that before

So, what about you, what do you do?

Skate

Like with a board?

My feet

I have a competition coming up. Gonna win state.

Well isn't that neat

Excuse me

Hello? No this is not him. No, I have no clue who that even is

Just stop calling this number. I don't have any money. No habla Ingles

Great

What about you, any thing you're into?

Hobbies?

No, I don't have time for that stuff.

I wouldn't have money to invest in one if I wanted

Last week I had to walk to work because I couldn't afford gas

That's why you should get a degree

Don't be like me

You won't like your life when you gotta buy the cheap toilet paper. I

I take it you have money troubles

That's one way to put it. I'm a month away from being evicted from this place

Then where do I go?

I'm already on food stamps

You're Aunt Jackie doesn't return any of my call, so

I don't even want to think where I'll be in a month if a miracle doesn't happen

That's unfortunate

Unfortunate. Finn I have no idea what I'm gonna do

I recently came into some money

Right

[Whistles]

You could buy a hot meal with that one

Keep it

What? No

I can't do that. You're my son. That's not how it should work

Finn you have no idea what this means to me.

Boy am I eternally grateful

You have no idea how much this is gonna help

Matter of fact you might have saved your old pops life

Just spend it wisely

Oh buddy you got that right

So, how about this. You go finish your paper route you come back here tonight

I will cook up an incredible feast like you would have never believed

And we'll have a nice dinner father-and-son

Like it should be

It's all I ever wanted

So, come on let's go. Go finish your route

Get that paper route done and get back here. Don't be late for dinner

We'll have a great dinner

Be careful

I'll see you later dad

See you later, son

[Knocks]

[Knocks]

[Knocks]

[No Audio]

[Street Noise]

What's wrong?

Mom, I have something to tell you

Don't laugh at me

No honey, come here, come here

Oh, oh

I'm so stupid

Oh what's going on sweetie? It's gonna be all right

I saw dad today

He left me twice

Don't think for one second you're worth leaving

This has nothing to do with you and everything to with that scumbag

You're twice the man he was or ever will be

Just can't believe I fell for it

It's not your fault

It's a sad day that he'll never know the kind soul you are

Don't ever call that man your father he's lost that privilege

Sorry you had to be married to him for so long

[Laughs]

Yeah

[Laughs]

Me too

[Laughs]

I have a secret to tell you

What

Promise you won't get mad?

I promise

Remember the other night when you saw me and Mr. Hollenbeck out to dinner?

That really was a date

[Laughs]

I bet he treats you well

He does

You deserve it

Now I really wish I'd given him the money

Don't worry about that he'll understand

Guess it's time to make a new list

Yeah

Aren't you the one that always wears the roller skates? Where are they?

Gave that up

Why is that?

Rink closed down

Now there's nowhere to skate and no competition to enter

Pity, you had such a natural talent

Thanks

It's you!

It's me!

You're the one that's been following me

Well, yes, I've... I've kept a watchful eye on you

Why?

Let me introduce myself. I am Judith C. Parks the Third

Finn Conwell.

Pleased to make your acquaintance

So, uh, why have you been watching me Judith?

Please. It's Miss Parks

I... I see that you have a natural ability with roller skating and I find that very inspiring

Yeah, well

Too bad the rink's closed down and isn't gonna open back up any time soon

Money is the problem, no?

Yep, the owner needs a

lot of money to open back up, so

What's the number?

$4,500

Very well.

Now who do I make this out to, hm?

What?

Wh... what are you doing?

Writing you a check

What? Why? How?

I believe in you Finn

Look when my husband left this world he also left a sizable fortune. I can't think of anyone

I would rather gift with this blessing than you

A lot of people had find that skating rink, uh, me included

Precisely and so I ask again, who do I make this check out to?

Um

Mr. Hollenbeck?

Mr. Hollenbeck it is

[Rips Check]

Wow

Oh

Miss Parks, I have no clue how I'm gonna repay you

Just win first place at the competition my dear

I will, now, I gotta go train.

I will be in the crowd on competition day cheering you on

Thanks Judith

Please, it's Miss Parks

Cosmo, it's Finn. Meet me at the rink. We have some training to do

[Montage Music]

Alright, ready for today?

I have to be

Oh, I can't wait to see you win

What if I don't?

Then I'll have to get a different cake

[Laughs]

Come on, that still has no say over your talent you'll be the same wonderful young man you were before the competition

No matter the outcome I still love you

It's just that when I pictured this day it was so different

Dad was here. No and... and even after he left I-

I always pictured he'd come back and

see me compete and

see me win and he'd know that me, his son was a... was a winner and... and... and...

And now I

I can't prove that

Ok, you don't have anything to prove to anyone especially him

And you want to compete for someone? There's gonna be a whole crowd of people cheering for you

Or you could do it for someone else, hm?

Okay, okay

All right. You want me to take you to this thing?

No, that's okay. I'll skate I... I need the warmup.

All right. See you soon

I would say break a leg

But that's wrong

I love you win or lose

[Crowd Murmur]

Wow

Looks like the entire town's here.

Yeah, to watch you win.

How are they gonna watch me win if there's no one here to compete against?

Good question. It seems as though you would be the winner and the loser simultaneously

I don't know if someone does it come fast. This is sure gonna be anticlimactic

Hey, Mr. Hollenbeck what happens if there's no one here to compete with me?

I'm afraid the competition will have to be postponed again

[Metal Music]

Maybe we should just postpone

The bowling alley is down the street

Good thing

Y'all ain't gonna be spared

Oo, clever

Can have your name please?

Michelle O-Bomb-a?

B-O

M-B-A

Got it. Well, Michelle good luck. Finn, don't die

Um, may the best man win.

Did you just assume my gender?

I'm sorry. It's it's an expression.

I skated all the way from Kentucky for this. I'm not losing

All right, everyone

I'm so glad we're all back after a six-year hiatus to the annual rinky-dink roller rink competition

The rules state each competitor must make it around the rink three times

Whoever does so the fastest will be declared the winner. Let's announce our skaters

Probably know him as he delivers your papers a town native, Finn Conwell

And all the way from Kentucky. I hope she doesn't beat me up in the parking lot, Michelle O-Bomb-a

Skaters assume your positions. On your mark, get set

Go!

[Competition Music]

The competitors are off, they both seem to be neck and neck

Looks like Michelle gains around the first corner

[Crowd Cheers]

And round one is through

[Cheers]

You're not gonna defeat me. I've won every competition in the Midwest

Well, I don't got a great comeback, but I'm a great skater

Eat my dust, hoe!

Wow, look at that Michelle O-Bomb-a!

I can't, cover mommy's eyes

That's round two for Michelle, will Finn be able to catch up?

You can do it, kid!

They're neck and neck, skate and skate!

And Finn is in the lead!

Yes, yes!

This is the last stretch of round three, anything can happen

[Screech]

And Finn hits the track

[Crowd Groans]

Oh!

[Crowd Groans]

And that's it folks Michelle O-Bomb-a has won the rinky-dink roller rink competition

[Crowd Murmurs]

I'm here to present the medal for first place to Michelle O-Bomb-a

Champion of the 42nd annual rinky-dink roller rink competition

First off I'd like to say this town reminds me of a prison but with a lot more inbreeding

Since I was a little girl...

Wait a second

She didn't win. For the last week I've been studying up on this competition and...

this didn't win

Nice try, liar

According to, um

Chapter 3 section C paragraph 8 any competitor competing and the rinky-dink roller rink

Skating competition has to be wearing

Roller skates

Uh, I am wearing roller skates

Dummy

Roller skates. Those are in lines

Dummy

Yes, yes!

My brother's the winner. Finn is the winner

[Crowd Cheers]

You heard it here, folks. Finn is the real winner!

[Cheers]

Heard there's a competition in Iowa

Whatever

Thanks Kate

You did it!

Mom I'm a winner

And you won the competition too

Yay!

Oh!

Cosmo, thank you. I couldn't of done it without you

Eh, I'll just say you're my best invention yet

Feet up

[Audible Struggles]

Free skate for everyone just five bucks a person. Got to keep this place open at least for another year

Is that your man?

Shh!

Get him, what are you waiting for?

Hey Bobby, where's your mom

I don't wanna talk about it

[Camera Clicks]

Hey, um, you wanna skate?

This is strictly platonic

Oh

You came

I told you I'd be here. You up for a few more laps?

I guess

Cool

[Music]

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