Original subtitles

Yeah, I think there's something that you should know.

Darren and Rhiannon have been at it. Having sex.

We don't want you getting yourself pregnant or anything, do we? Lucky, I'm

I mean it. Did you hear that? I'm positive.

Let's just call it a goodbye present.

Why would I expect an idiot like you to even understand?

Get lost.

What happened there?

Oh, I thought it was a wardrobe door.

What in the name of God are they?

Virtual babies.

Apparently this must be the best way to teach young people what it's like to

have a real baby to look after.

Good morning.

Come on.

Are you awake?

Yes, you are. Come on.

Are you hungry?

Yes. Oh, my God, this little girl.

Let's get you out of this, put it into a clean one, eh?

With me. Can I come in?

Yeah.

Can't find my battery charger. Can I borrow yours?

You've got a cool room.

Feels kind of private.

Yeah, well, it's better than being in there with you lot.

We're all right, really, you know. Just got to get to know us a bit better.

No, thanks.

You're pathetic, do you know that?

I don't really care.

So why don't you just take that and do one, yeah? Leave me alone.

Tiffany, everything all right with Justin?

Same as usual.

A lot of us answer our best first thing in the morning.

Well, he's never after his best, is he?

Well, I imagine there's a few families around here rowing this week. Good

The robot doll experiment.

Well, it will all be worthwhile if it means fewer teenage pregnancies.

Guys, I've just got a text from Mum.

The doctors have been dead pleased with her, and she's hoping we can go for a

visit soon.

That's good, isn't it?

Yeah, it's great.

Show it to Justin.

Might cheer him up.

Yeah, don't hold your breath.

It's good news, isn't it?

Uh, yeah.

Oh, it gets better. Goes home. And my two boys go to live with her.

Beyonce, it's coming.

It's coming.

Can't not pass the night, that thing.

I cannot wait until the stupid experiment is over.

No. Like a rat muppet dragging it round everywhere, talking to it and giving it

a name.

Beyonce.

Hey, you leave the lass alone.

Looking after a baby, it's one of the toughest jobs there is.

And Rhiannon seems to be doing a grand job.

Thanks, Mrs B.

I think it's great. I love everything about it. Yes, well, it's only day

Wait, you've done three weeks. Or three months.

But it's nice having a little person depending on you for everything.

Makes you feel good.

Makes me want to throw up.

I'm off to get...

Back,

please.

I think he's gone off me.

Darren doesn't know whether he's coming or going at the minute, love. It's early

days after his mother.

And shouldn't you be getting a move on, too?

Do you want me to give you a lift?

No, thanks.

I'm going to walk.

It's good for Beyonce.

Babies need fresh air.

Now, come along, you. Off to school.

Come on.

Come on.

Here we are, no one else. We walk to school all by ourselves.

We will rest upon the ground and look at all the books we've found. I can tell

that we are going to meet friends.

I can tell that we are going to be... Oh, I have had up to here with those

things. Tell me about it. It sent me halfway round the bin last night. Nearly

threw it out the window.

Why didn't you? I would have put a pillow over its face instead.

Darren, wait up!

Can't you put the other part in? If anyone sees you like that, you've lost

plot. Look, I know it's a doll, but it's good practice.

He is. He's seven to eight.

What? Everyone wants kids, don't they?

Well, yeah, it doesn't mean you have to have them.

Unless you can look after them, right, anyway.

Well, I look after Beyonce, right?

Beyonce?

Well, being a single parent sucks, Rhiannon.

Look at me mum.

I think that's why she wrote I'm a gay. She couldn't hack it.

But you do want kids, though, eventually.

Maybe. I've got to find the right girl to do it.

And obviously I want to be married first.

And with a good job so I can get the kid what he wants.

And obviously, the missus couldn't take care of all this screaming and puking

and dirty nappy.

You playing dollies now, too?

Oh, no, I wasn't.

I dropped my dinner money down there.

I went up.

So, today, we will know the results from the baby care challenge.

Any lack of care or, heaven forbid, abuse has been recorded on the baby's

internal computer.

Let's hope it's opened their eyes to the reality of parenthood.

I think we can all say it's been a resounding success.

Teenager. They don't mind the music blasting out when it comes to a

baby. Half the dolls have been handed back already. It's only the hardcore

Yeah, unfortunately, that includes Rhiannon's thoughts.

Seems she's taken her motherhood like a duck to water.

She turns out to be the natural mother.

Typical.

Robinson.

You've got a few hundred quid in your back pocket.

Buster. Then you can't really afford to break that doll, can you?

Hey, did you see Leo's text from Mum? She's making great progress. That's

huh?

It's good for you.

It means you can get rid of us and she'll love that. If Ali could see the

know, she would be more than happy to have you stay.

So I'm right. She does want to bin us off. Ali just wants things to be

Well, she can want.

Why are you being like this?

Mum's getting out, we're going to go home. Are you glad?

Of course I am.

I need more time.

A bit longer, I reckon I can have Dad and that cow tearing chunks out of each

other.

You can speak to me now.

Darren's doing your edit.

You're my mate.

I know.

I'm sorry for being horrible.

Are you okay now?

I'm three weeks late.

Shot by yourself again this morning?

We've hardly seen you since you got your studio pad.

I thought that was the idea.

Sounds like you'll be able to go and see your mum soon.

We should maybe get her a little parcel together, send her in some nice things.

I doubt she'll want anything from you.

I was just trying to... Yeah, well, she'll be out soon and then Dad will see

light.

And you can go back to where you belong.

Hanging around the bars in your leather trousers.

Did the fruit and veg order arrive for me home at class?

Not yet.

You OK?

Nothing a lottery win wouldn't have thought.

I don't need meat on a minimum wage.

I can say what you like about George, but he was good to me.

Do you know what I'm missing, Mags?

Not just the treats.

They really looked after us.

Well, it's Mr Fitzgerald's new broom did for George.

His face didn't fit anymore.

Worried about myself?

You're sitting pretty in the schoolhouse, though, surely?

I'm not sure that he thinks I'm up to the job, you know.

All this carry -on with the kids after life's out.

The teenagers with hormones to burn off.

If anyone's going to keep him on the right path, it's going to be you.

Trouble here.

He might want somebody with proper qualifications.

I'm worried it might be for the chop.

We had to wait until 1860 before Joseph... What are you going to do?

I don't know.

I'm just sick of him blowing hot and cold.

It's no good if I'm having his baby.

He's got to be true love.

Well, he's got to show some respect at least.

Do you want me to have a word?

Just the same hour.

I'll be dead so honest.

Go on, then. Only keep your gob shut about me being, you know...

Even

something as natural as childbirth could prove

fatal for a mother. And before Lister, the mortality rate was as high as 40%.

That's nearly half.

And it still is a problem today in the developing world.

Can I go outside and see for a please, miss?

Oh, I've got to go, Rhiannon. Don't be too long.

Get her back out.

Don't laugh at poor Darren, everybody. He's very young for his age.

We should feel sorry for him and his silly, immature innuendo.

Bon and I have talked about having another.

One of her own, you know.

That's not going to happen any time soon. Not now.

I'd say you've got a big enough brood on your hands as it is.

Miss! I can't stand it no more. Take it back. I am done.

I'll leave you to it.

Shazney, come on.

Surely you can see it through.

No, wait. I'm losing my mind. Listen to it.

Seriously, fail me.

You've not failed. It's not a test.

But, you know, a real -life mother couldn't just hand her baby back.

Yeah, you can.

Put him in care.

It's not like dumping a puppy at Battersea Dogs' Home. Seriously, if you

that back, I will throw it off the roof.

Well, if, as a real -life mother, you ever felt close to neglecting or even

harming your baby, you should seek help.

Talk to social services or a doctor, someone you trust.

Yeah, that's you in it.

OK, if you are telling me your child is at risk, I'm taking her into care.

I am never going to be a mother, ever.

And Julianne Jolie might have fixed.

Man, she's mental.

Well, you might feel differently when you're older.

You'll be more mature, better able to deal with things.

Some women find it comes naturally. Others struggle.

They just can't cope.

Like my mum, you mean?

Because you're the expert. You're so perfect.

That's what my dad did to us.

Kicked me and Leo into touch as soon as you showed your face.

So stop pretending that you're so down with the kids.

You don't care about them and you certainly don't care about us.

I think it's broken there.

Okay, everybody, just to recap.

Once you've steamed your vegetables, you pop them in the blender, give them a

little whizz.

And it doesn't matter if it's not too smooth, because a few little lumps will

help that baby develop its chewing muscles.

Good timing, Carol. Nearly out of bananas over there.

Oi!

Do you want to wipe that off? It's on my slip.

No, that's just the skins and cartoons.

Just wipe it off.

You'll never guess what that Justin Fitzgerald just did.

Miss, can we put some tunes on at, like, maximum volume, please?

That baby crying is driving me mad.

And nothing goes to waste, does it? Because any leftover puree, you just pop

into a little ice tray and you bum it in the freezer.

OK, OK, OK. Which one of you jokers is responsible for this?

Oh, yeah?

Enjoy your detention.

Miss, it's far from about, isn't it?

No, I never bothered with any of that malarkey when mine were little. And they

turned out all right.

Me neither.

They'll make it all right for Meth. I'll see to it later.

Meth, can't. Could you do with the fear and wash them beds for us a minute, will

you? What?

I'm not sure how much longer I can stand there.

Don't get me wrong, mate.

I just think you should be more careful with what you say sometimes.

Rhiannon's all right. She can take a joke. That's why I like her.

So you do like her, then?

Well, yeah. She's a top bird.

And do you fancy her?

Not as such, no.

She's all right for a sleepover.

Why are you asking me all this anyway? Do you want her for yourself or

something? No, no, I just think yous look good together.

Do you mean me, like a beanpole in here, like a big blob?

Do I look like a number ten?

No, she's good to get a grip of, mate.

So you do fancy her, it's just that I think she really likes you.

Really?

I thought she was just after a good time.

She's bang into you, mate, and she's a great girl.

If you're just after her quickly, then you should tell her.

It's not fair to keep her just stringing along.

Bats, less chit -chat, more chop -chop. Balls don't bounce themselves, do they?

Yummy mummies?

It's time to get those pre -baby bodies back.

Shouldn't you be getting back?

Yeah, but Dad, I bet my toes will be bound to a crest.

All right, everybody, time to clear up.

Come on, this side of the room first.

What's wrong with the little child with baby food, anyway?

I know they wouldn't give them to babies if it had bad stuff in it. Okay, okay.

Now, this way, you know, I've got to work on it.

backwards for him, that's it, no more.

There's something else.

The day the boys moved in, I was trying to help Justin and... Yeah?

He slammed a door and it hit me. Now, I'm sure it was just an accident.

That was the mark on your face.

Why didn't you tell me? Because he was already upset and I didn't want to make

things worse, so I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

Stay here.

Where are you going?

I'm going to sort this out.

Now.

So, what did Keats mean when he wrote, not charioted by Bacchus and his parts?

Anybody? Excuse me, Mr. Leslie, I'd like Justin to come with me.

Of course.

In the sixth stanza, Keats rejects...

Doll. Not only do you insult Ali, I now find out you've been physically violent.

The stupid doll. Not the doll, the door in her face.

I could happily punch you.

Go on, then. No, I'm better than you.

Look at me.

Do you understand?

How did I end up with a son like you? You're vile.

Feelings mutual.

You will apologize to Ali, and you will mean every last word.

You can tell me what to do, but you can't tell me what to think or how to

You will apologize to her, or I've had it with you.

Do I make myself clear?

Don't touch it.

I think it's broken.

Okay, Maggie did the right thing with the peas, but I think we need to get you

to hospital. Get this x -rayed.

What about the kids' dinner?

Oh, don't you worry about that. I'll cover for you.

Can somebody call an ambulance?

No. No ambulance.

Give me the EBGB. I'll be fine in a taxi.

Well, I've got a free period next. How about I take you then to E &E in my car?

No, honestly, I can't be fine.

Just as long as the school pays for it.

That'll cost about 15 quid. Carol, which is about a dozen jotters for the

school, so please, let me.

Let's get her up.

Thanks.

Careful.

I think I'm going to pass out.

What?

What about

me job?

I can't work if I'm laid off.

Oh!

This is the backside of the school.

Let me tell you straight, Carol, the school doesn't have any money so you can

sue all you like.

You've reduced your cable, haven't you?

Ah! Oh, sorry!

Oh!

Apparently you just completely lost it.

Well, that's it.

Your mum was proper upset, you know.

That's it.

I'm going to find him and I'm going to kill him.

Just leave it.

That's what he wants.

Come on.

Go find him.

All right?

Yeah.

What were you saying to Harley earlier?

No, nothing.

Just... Listen, what are you doing at dinner?

Fancy going for a burger? Why don't you eat?

Yeah, sounds good.

Can you just watch that dog?

I'm so sorry, Mr Fitzgerald. I feel the blame, but the kids were making such a

mess. Yes, yes.

No excuse with it. I should have been on top of it.

Well, accidents are one thing. Avoidable hazards are another.

Carol Barry can smell pay dirt a mile off. It's in her blood.

Say goodbye to a few grand.

Well, let's just wait and see what the hospital has to say, shall we?

Maybe it's just a sprain.

Well, as you can see, I'm absolutely fine.

As long as the whole school knows about it. Pretty much.

Mum, he's treating us like we're a piece of dirt on his shoe.

Well, let's not let Justin spoil our day.

Oh, no, just our lives.

Michael, Leo's OK with the whole thing, and he's younger than Justin.

There's no right or wrong way to react to your parents' marriage breaking down.

I'm just glad you two are so supportive.

Come on, let's get to class.

Oh, it's just one thing.

to another, and all of them blackmailed against me in Mr Fitzgerald's book. I'm

sure you're mistaken.

It's a new era, Audrey.

I think I'm a bit too old school.

Well, you're a traditionalist, and there's nothing wrong with that. I'm

Fitzgerald appreciates the value of a broad church.

We can't all be Simon Loseley's.

You know, this job is everything to me, especially since Granny died. You've

risked the challenge magnificently.

The kids, the family, and if I lose the schoolhouse, I'll lose them, and I've

got nothing.

I'm sure it won't come to that.

But remember, there'll always be a room for you with Christine, Mitzi and me.

Thanks.

Oh. Many women are anxious about the possibility of requiring the need for

forceps or one -tooth to deliver their baby.

This is largely because of the... Hey, that was the Navy.

That was a classic.

Watch the film, please.

Sorry, Miss.

How's that going to get on there?

Same way you did, Darren. Head first.

The most natural thing in the world.

What about gas and air, mate?

Well, that certainly helps, but it's still the most painful thing a woman

ever go through.

No man's ever suffered anything like it. It's worth every minute, though.

The bones of the pelvis actually move apart to allow the baby down the birth

canal. Oh, that's hip.

And I thought you were a man of the world, Darren.

He thinks they've come out of your belly button there.

Miss, could you tell you were pregnant before you found out, or was it a shock?

Well, the first time I didn't recognise the sign.

That must have been a shock for your husband, then.

It's definitely important to have the right support.

Well, what if you're a single parent?

Well, I've been a single parent, and I'm not going to lie to you, it's tough.

Toughest thing I've ever had to deal with.

Nothing worse than feeling like you're all on your own.

Right, you may go.

Not you, Justin.

Mr Fitzgerald gave strict instructions you to remain here.

So now he's trying to starve me into submission.

You will be in there for the rest of term unless he sorts himself out. He's

even allowed out for lunch. He doesn't deserve any. You can't leave him in

all day without food.

Tiffany, would you do us a favour?

Would you take Justin a sandwich in the cooler, please?

After what he's done, please.

It's me on the receiving end, not you.

Ready? Yeah.

Thanks, love. Thanks, Tiff.

Cheese and pickle will be good.

And if he ever does anything like that again, you have to tell me. His feet

won't touch the ground.

Girls, please, will you look after Beyonce over lunch?

Darren's taking me out.

It's going to cost you.

Well, how much?

How much you got?

Like three quid.

Are you having a laugh?

You'd have to pay me a million pounds to deal with one of those baby things

again.

Thanks for nothing.

The guy watching it looked more scared than her.

I would be.

You like her?

Could we go then?

Yeah.

Where's Beyonce?

Sagna is minding up on me.

Wee.

Come on then, I'm starving.

Darren, if I ended up pregnant, you would stand by me, wouldn't you?

Yeah. Sure, no problem.

But you're not. I'm glad.

Well, why are you taking me?

I've got a little treat for you.

Can you get a cup?

When are you two going to get cracking making little ones, Anthony?

Oh, I don't think it's part of Simon's five -year plan.

Too busy climbing the greasy pole, eh?

I can't wait to have kids.

What, you?

Sure. More the merrier.

Well, five -side football team, at least.

It's about time I settled down.

Oh, come off it.

I'm serious.

I'd love to have a family.

Someone to share things with.

Better get a move on, though.

It's not one like you about, is there?

Hey, people.

Nearly the weekend.

What have you got planned, then, mate? You off out on the pull again?

You really shouldn't believe all the hype, Simon.

I stopped living up to my own publicity a long time ago.

That's right, I'll do it, Kate.

That doll is going back at the end of the day, then, isn't it?

Yeah.

Good.

Look, I know it sounds mad, but I'm going to problem with her tonight.

My arms feel sort of empty even now.

Don't you worry about that.

Is that noise?

What noise?

Look, there's something I need to talk to you about.

What was that?

pregnancy test.

You're not real.

I'm not sure.

I keep wimping out of doing the test.

But now you're here.

So you're saying you might be?

Pregnant, yeah.

And if I am, it's yours.

Me. Just been to lunch.

Oh, good.

I heard what you said to my mum.

Give me a break.

It was her who told me to bring you that.

Your dad was going to let you starve.

If you try to make us all hate you, it's working.

The whole school thinks you're a jerk.

You might be having a laugh. It's just some sort of joke.

Be careful.

Always.

You said you'd be there for me. It's done by me, you did.

Yeah, I meant get it sorted. Get rid of it.

Can't I shut that thing up?

Don't worry, I'm not going to do that.

It will get easier with the kids.

You think so?

Good grief.

Look at this.

It's telling me Rhiannon's shaken her baby.

Well, I probably shouldn't say this, but that's fantastic.

If that had been a real baby, she'd have broken its neck.

Seriously, look.

Rhiannon was shaping up to be my star mum.

Hi. Yo, where's Rhiannon?

Dunno. Don't care.

What's happened? Have you had a row?

Sort of, yeah.

She thinks she's pregnant and I'm the dad.

You knew, didn't you?

So that's what all that was about before? Oh, yous look good together.

Oh, cheers, mate.

I was just trying to get you two talking.

Mate, that's stunning.

Me and you with a baby.

What am I going to do?

I'm fine, miss.

What happened to your baby?

It's not a baby.

It's a doll.

Okay, it's just that the computer said... What did the computer say? That

shook it quite badly.

Enough to cause brain damage.

The computer knows nothing.

I tripped and fell, all right.

Thanks, Sonia.

Oh, you don't half look pale.

Does it hurt?

What did you feel?

Oh!

Carol?

I didn't expect to see you back here.

Oh, no.

I'll get you a cup of tea, yeah, darling?

I'd rather have brandy, Sonia.

I'll get it.

I did think.

You were very quick.

It was a slow morning.

Thank you.

So, what's the verdict?

The egg's radio, and it's a fractured tibia.

They recommend you take 12 weeks off sick.

It's broken two places.

You can't do these things.

The image of a woman holding a baby is one of the most popular in art. Can

anyone tell me why?

Well, because babies are cute.

No. Did you do that test?

Not yet.

Say it is positive.

Would it be that bad?

Me, you, a baby.

We could get a flat together.

You're out of your head.

How can I be a dad if I've just lost my mum?

See, back then, artists needed patrons to survive.

Rich people who'd commission their work.

Now, which organisation has always been rich throughout... Are you on your own?

I'm all right.

I feel like a little family.

You planned this, didn't you? Hey, you just wanted to trap me. I didn't.

Just think, a tiny baby.

You call it... Tell me after your mum. Why your girl?

I must be mad.

You told me to do my head in. I wouldn't have a baby with you if it was a bird

on earth.

get home and go to bed.

No, they wanted to keep me in, but I was worried about our keeping, so I've got

to go back in a few weeks.

Well, I'm sure Dr, um... Patel.

Dr Patel, yes, I'm sure he knows best.

It's, uh, good to see you still smiling, Carol.

Right, well, I suppose we should get down to business.

Oh, yeah.

The compensation claim, I presume.

Fair's fair.

It was the school's fault.

Maggie admitted as much.

You know, I still found a bit of food that was just left lying about.

It's basic health and safety.

And I'm sure environmental health would be very interested to hear all about

this. Carol, the school can't afford a claim like this.

Look, I don't want to sue.

But time's hard and money's money.

I have been through hell with this.

Not to mention the emotional.

A mental stress.

Yeah, you see, you don't sound mentally stressed.

Look, I'm willing to come to some sort of arrangement outside of the court.

What kind of arrangement?

Like a five grand sort of arrangement.

Look, trust me, the family lawyer won't even get out of bed for lessons when

he's large.

Well, I would need absolute proof before emptying the school's coffers.

Have you got the letter?

He's saying you don't believe me.

Look. I just need to know that we're doing everything by the book.

Sonia?

Can you call a cab to take Mrs. Barry home?

Take this.

To cover the fare.

Consider it your first instalment.

I'll see you around.

He accused me of lying, good as.

He's just sticking to procedure, Carol.

Obviously, he needs proof.

I will take this bleeding officer's proof if that's what he wants.

I've been very reasonable about it.

I could get ten times more if I went through the court.

Now, I'll take it from here, thank you.

If you're sure, Carol.

Take care.

I'm sure George will be very sorry to hear about your, um, your injury.

Not a hither with you.

Come on, let me out.

Come on, hurry up. Come on, shut up.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

What's going on here?

Everything, Maggie.

Nobody cares about me.

Don't be daft. We all care about you.

Not Darren.

I hate him. He's an idiot.

He's not really, is he?

But if not, you'd better bet for a steady boyfriend just now.

What am I going to do?

I'm sorry, Maggie, but I lied to you before.

I think I might be pregnant and you don't even want to know.

Justin. Not long now.

Why don't you get on with your essay, take your mind off things a bit?

Poor Rihanna.

Pregnant? She might not be.

You were proper nasty to her.

She's already scared to death.

I'm not doing backflips myself, am I, mate?

You were harsh, mate.

You reckon she's going to take us to the cleaners unless we cough up five grand?

Remember the days when you tripped and fell and it was all your own fault?

She certainly takes the Oscar for wounded soldier.

Yeah, well, Oscar sounds about right. I won't put it past Callisby faking it.

She's not known for her honesty.

She's already had one compensation pair. Looks like she's going for the double.

You know you can buy those boots over the counter at a surgical supply shop.

Fitzgerald, I need two minutes of your time.

I'll catch you later.

It's about your son, Justin.

What now? He is terribly upset.

I'm sorry, I know this is awkward, but I would be failing in my duty if I didn't

tell you what I would tell any other parent. Thank you, Audrey. Leave it with

me. It is a mistake to leave him isolated in the couloir all day,

he's done.

I disagree.

Are you sure a great big hug wouldn't just sort things out?

Well, let me think. Yes, yes, I'm sure. Excuse me. Mrs. Budger?

Go on, the van'll catch you up.

I hear there was an incident with a doll.

Rhiannon's a bit upset.

She thinks she might be pregnant.

Oh, good.

We're just about to do a test.

Fingers crossed.

I'm really sorry about all this. Can you let Ali know that she's with me?

Yeah, you stay with her. I'll catch up with you later.

High time I paid a visit to the schoolhouse.

You got the test?

You ready?

Now, are you sure you know exactly what you're doing?

You don't want me to come in there and hold it for you?

Listen, whatever happens, don't worry. Whether it's positive or negative, I'm

here.

Thanks, Maggie.

Don't listen.

Letters burning by my bed for you here now.

I can feel my instincts here for you here now.

It's probably for the best, love.

Yeah.

Turned out I'd be rubbish at it anyway, just like everything else.

That's not true.

This morning I had someone.

And I thought I were having a baby.

Now I've got nothing again.

You've got me and your pal.

It's not the same, Maggie.

When's my life going to start?

When do I get to the good bit?

Listen.

How about we get out of here, eh?

Go on.

You and me.

Justin,

your father wants you to go directly to his office.

This is none of my business.

I'm sure things can't be easy at home.

No, I'm to blame for everything.

Yeah, but lashing out and trying to hurt people, your own family, that's not

going to do any good. She's not my family.

Life doesn't have to be a battle.

I mean, I might be wrong, but I'm guessing you feel like a traitor who's

live in the enemy camp.

No one's saying you have to be best friends with Annie.

She's the woman your father's chosen to be with, and at some stage you're going

to have to accept that. Yeah, but it doesn't mean I have to like it. No.

But you don't have to make everybody else's lives a misery either.

You're going to start quoting the Bible next, telling me to turn the other

cheek. Oh, but that's a terrible thing. Live and let live.

But please, for everyone's sake, give some serious thought to calling a truce.

Are you done with the war similes?

They're metaphors, actually.

I've done the test if that's what you're after.

And?

You're negative.

You can stop worrying.

My legs have gone funny.

Well, you must be happy about it as well, then, eh?

I should be happy?

Why'd it have to be such a bad thing?

It's weird.

It turned out to be like a test for you and all, and you failed it big time.

Look.

I know I didn't fully understand.

At least they're no worse than Darren.

Nowhere.

Stupid Rhiannon, only good for one thing.

I'm just a joke to you, aren't I?

No. Hang on, pet.

Look, Maggie.

I'd leave her alone if I was you.

I never get tired of it.

Just to come here all the time after grant leave.

It helps.

I am sure when the time comes, and it will, you will make the most amazing

mother ever.

Even though I lost it with Beyonce?

Yeah.

I felt terrible straight away.

I'd never hurt a real baby, I swear.

I know.

You're a cracking girl.

Any lad would be lucky to have you.

But you've just got to believe that you're worth it in here.

Have some inner confidence.

Easy said.

And don't serve it up on a plate.

Make them wait. And if they like it, if they really like you, then they will.

You've got to start calling the shots, man.

Show them who's boss.

If I even had a boyfriend.

Forget about Darren.

You've got to start focusing on yourself for a bit.

You've had a lot of knocks for a young lass.

But you're going to be just fine.

How? Everyone thinks I'm too thick to get a decent job.

Or maybe I am.

Can't you drink?

Simon's working late at the hotline.

I wasn't asking, Simon.

Well, I said I'd help him.

Sounds like a fun night.

Cancel.

I can't.

OK. But all this working late, you're never going to get that family started.

People think all I'm fit for is to be a council flat mum on benefits.

So what?

What's wrong with that?

I was going to show them.

Be the best that I could be.

Didn't last five minutes with a stupid doll. OK, stop. Right.

Forget about what other people think.

What do you want? What does Rhiannon's fault want?

Because you know what?

I reckon that you would make the most amazing nurse right now.

Really? Don't you need exams and that?

Oh, you can check out coffee. They're exactly what you need.

I'd love that.

Working with little kids.

Oh, imagine, eh? Spending all your day with little babies without actually

having to have one yourself.

Perfect!

And you'll even get paid for it.

Enough stupid boys getting in the way of evil.

Exactly.

Come on, up it and at them.

Justin, in here, please.

So what have you got to say for yourself?

Sorry.

That's a start, I suppose.

Thank you, Justin.

I need you to give me your word that you will never hurt or threaten Ali again.

And whatever is happening at home, you do not bring it into school. That is

totally unacceptable.

It won't happen again.

I understand how difficult things are. I just want you to know that I appreciate

that.

I really am sorry.

Can I go now?

Yes.

Was that for real?

Seemed genuine.

Well, it's another week over.

Thank God.

At least my baby project was a success.

I hope I haven't put them off parenthood for life.

And at least we get to have a lion tomorrow.

Yeah, only let's not make any more babies.

Four teenage nightmares, that's quite enough, I think.

Me and Maggie are going to look at it off the tee, see what grades you need

that. I don't know why I didn't think of it before.

You'll be ace.

Go on, man.

Thanks. Yeah, it's all sorted now.

I've got something to work for.

What do you want?

Where have you been? I've been worried.

No need.

I'll just leave you two there. I'm coming with you.

Just wait.

Look, I know I've been a bit of an idiot today.

Sorry. But obviously it was just because of this shock.

Well, I'm going to stop wasting my time because I've found out what I want in

life and it is not you.

Come on.

It must blow you out being so horrible all the time.

Think what you could do if you put some of that energy into good stuff.

Such as?

Finding ways to help your own mum get better, instead of seeing how much you

hurt mine.

You'd better apologise to her.

Properly.

What if I already have?

Well then, you may even mean you could be friends.

Because underneath all that attitude, you're probably alright, really.

It might even be worth getting to know.

I need to pick up the rest of Rhiannon's day with stuff from the schoolhouse.

I'm on my way to see Mrs Barry. God help me. I'll drop you off.

Good luck.

Hey, Floyd.

Come on. Free food on offer.

Yeah, nice little shopping trip.

Bottle of lunch, my treat.

Oh, we must have been mean, Keith.

Blame it on you, Dad.

Listen, I better go then.

Yeah, I'll give you a call later.

Love you babe. Bye.

It's Gerald.

Can I come in?

Yes.

Do you want a seat?

No, this won't take long.

Well, like you, I'd rather settle out of court.

Absolutely. Law is not that jazzed.

Life needs to print money.

You get enough cheap at five grand.

Okay. Oh, just one thing.

Your boot.

It's on the wrong foot.

No, it's not.

No, it's not.

But you just gave yourself away.

Christine dropped you off at the front of the hospital and you went straight

the back, didn't you?

Oh, and the hospital record?

You can't spell Patel.

One T.

Don't bother coming back to work.

You can't do this. I know I've done wrong, but I'm skinned. I need the job.

Think yourself lucky I'm not calling the police.

Fraud is a serious crime.

I'm just trying to provide for me family.

Provide what?

A winter holiday?

50 -inch plasma?

Mr Fitzgerald, what are you doing here?

I'll let your mum explain.

This is unfair dismissal. You'll be hearing from my lawyer.

Goodbye, Carol.

And take that stupid boot off.

You look nice.

Don't start.

Look, I'm... Sorry I let you down.

You've been really good to me since my mum died and... I don't know what I

have done without you.

In the middle of the night, it wasn't just about... You know... Your stuff.

I know.

I just shouldn't have took you for granted, Rhiannon.

Please say you'll give me another go.

Look, I know I don't deserve it, but I just think that if... I meant what I

said, Darren.

It was easier when we were just friends.

Well, let's just be friends then.

Mates. Just see how it goes.

Don't go getting any ideas.

I'm not having you messing me around again.

I won't, I swear.

Just mates.

Are we cool, then?

Tiffany, will you pass me the drink? Eat your greens, Rhiannon.

Oh, thanks for this, Maggie. Honestly, one night off cooking for six, it's like

a holiday.

It's my pleasure.

When you've got this many, few more doesn't matter.

I, er, I hope things are going all right with Carol.

Last thing Vaughan needs, cleaning up my mistakes.

Don't you worry. He's used to dealing with people like that.

You lot, halfway down the drive.

Come and try some of Maggie's pipes, you and me.

Oh, you've got...

Almost all my family sat down together. It must be yummy.

Well, there is plenty more, so let me get you a plate.

I've, um, solved the Carol problem.

She won't get a penny from Waterloo Road.

What do you mean? Did she back down?

It was all an act. Typical Barry behaviour.

She was just being a 3D cash.

There was me thinking I was for the sack.

Well, Carol's accident.

You thinking the kids are running rooms round us.

School health out of control.

We had one pregnant this year, and Carol's egged. It's not your fault.

Look.

Look at that atmosphere.

You're not in proper harm.

Come on, just love to believe in you.

I thought I'd been telling Rhiannon all day.

Oh! Listen,

guys, we're going to have to go, thanks.

Can you stay, please?

Justin's at home on his own.

Oh, I almost forgot.

We will have a familiar face back with us next week. She'll be joining you

Who's that, sir?

Gabriella Walker.

I want you all to give her a nice big welcome.

There's this boy I really, really like, but he keeps shutting me out.

Gabriela, welcome back to Waterloo Row.

I still love you, Paul.

Well, well, well, I wonder what Ali would have to say about that.

What's going on?

See, we've been talking to him. I've been talking to her once, boys. Don't be

moron.

Will you come? My parents are away.

What, like a party?

The party?

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