Original subtitles

You do it.

Everyone loved him.

I'm not joking, you're right. I mean it.

I'm not.

It's all right, lad.

Have a look.

It's nothing, mate, honest.

Oh, man.

Oh, how nice.

Yeah, I want to help.

No, listen, yeah. What do you think you're playing at? No, listen.

That was a good call. It was

nice to have a few days away as well.

Shame he couldn't have been there.

Well, I felt I was. You texted me about it ten times.

You didn't mention it.

Oh, was I supposed to?

Are we officially going out now? Morning.

I am so glad I am doing the sex education class for the year 11th today.

Are you?

I've got grief.

Just some of the things that I've managed to pick up on the high street on

way to work this morning. Yeah, well, if you go looking for it. I can't believe

that our kids are surrounded by this stuff 24 -7.

Welcome back to old Blighty. It's moved on a bit. Well, I think we need to move

on with it.

If we can't stop them from being surrounded by this nonsense, then the

can do is put it into context.

Are you there?

Marley, stop.

Not until you take me back.

Come on, Flit, this is killing me.

And this is killing me.

Is it alright, Juan?

How did you know?

Just a couple of hours, traipsing around the store, smelling every single

perfume going.

So come on, Flea, will you go back out with me again?

All right, all right, just get up and stop making us both look like dibs.

Really? Yes, really.

I thought we'd do things properly this time, yeah? No more sneaking around or

hiding from the dad.

Molly, I mean it. No, no, we will, I promise.

I've been thinking exactly the same thing.

No, seriously, I probably didn't handle things properly before, did I? No, you

didn't. OK, so me and your dad have got a few issues, but we'll sort them, OK?

She really thinks it's a good idea leaving Kim in charge of sex, Ed.

I mean, it's a sensitive enough subject for parents and companies as it is

without getting the sledgehammer involved.

Well, why don't I just wait and see how she handles things this morning before

jumping to conclusions, Ed?

Oh, here he is, the birthday boy.

Happy birthday, girl.

Cheers, Ed.

Oh, it's a big day for him, isn't it, eh? A big one -sixth. Yep, my official

could be around to appreciate it.

Well, she hasn't been in touch with him either? Nope. Not a call, not a card,

not even a text.

You know that he's asked to have a party at mine tonight.

He only needs something to cheer him up, doesn't he?

And, you know, if things get out of hand, you can always step in and help

Oh, I can, can't I? Oh, please, is there any chance I'm going to get an adult

conversation all night?

I haven't been to a house party in years.

I might have to go and dust off me old glow sticks and everything.

So the rumours are true, are they?

Oh, yes. Enter us into a choir competition.

Well, it's early days yet. These haven't been up long, but the kids seem keen.

Well, what about the heaths? Do you think we're up to it?

Yeah, I'm pretty sure we can get them there.

But if you're worried, I can always give you a showcase sometime.

Really? Oh, great. OK, well, how about today after school?

Yeah. Yeah, look forward to it.

You guys look so grinny above.

Me and Flick.

It's back on.

Oh, son, that is so fantastic.

Well done.

Look, um, I've still got to get that money back to Ralph, though, yeah?

Mum, tell me you've managed to get some of it back, please.

No, I'm working on it. I'm working on it. Mum, I don't need working on that. I

need it done, OK?

I'm sorting it, Marty. Trust me.

What I want to try and do this morning is burst some of the myths that you've

been getting about sex and sexual behaviour.

Favourite positions.

I've done that, done that.

I've done them all, man.

I think Bolton's got a few myths of his own, Miss, thinking he's some kind of

expert. No more than you.

Slag. Now, why would Michaela be a slag when you would be a stud

for sleeping around?

Exactly. I've not been sleeping around.

Let's just stop with all the sexual insults, OK?

If you're not giving each other a hard time for having too much sex, it's for

having too little.

Or none at all.

Bolton, have you ever heard the expression, all mouth and no trousers?

What's that?

My lesson plans.

I thought you could have a read through them.

Check them for me.

Add them to the pile.

Right. OK.

What's the use in me having a fully qualified teacher as a boyfriend if he's

going to give me some extracurricular attention?

All right.

All right, you got me.

But I hope you realise what a risk I'm taking giving one of my pupils special

favours. Well, if you get these done for me by the end of today, then I might

just repay your special favours.

Right.

All right, here's one for you.

When it comes to the battle of the sexes, who do you think has got it

boys or girls? Girls.

Girls. What?

No way.

Hey, you have.

We've got to make sure you've got protection so we don't end up getting

pregnant. Exactly.

And we've got to make sure we're protected so we don't get nothing.

Look, as long as everybody is protected against sexually transmitted infections,

that is the main thing.

Yeah, but, Miss, what about, you know, us girls being expected to hold on to

virginity while that lot can just lose it sooner?

Girls get to do the picking, yeah? We've got to do all the hard work persuading

us to sleep with us in the first place. Yeah, well, it's not our fault you think

with that rather than this, is it?

The point is, if we weren't all so competitive, we wouldn't be rushing to

anything without thinking it through for ourselves instead of, well, instead of

letting others do it for us.

It's only you that knows when you are ready.

All right, so if that means waiting or staying a virgin for longer than you

planned, then so be it.

an independent and responsible attitude towards sexual activity, well, that can

help stop the spread of STIs.

Maybe just stop Michaela from sleeping around. Bolton, please. No, it's OK,

Miss, cos I know I haven't got anything.

In spite of what some people might be saying, I haven't slept around at all.

I'm a virgin, if you must know.

And it's my choice, and it's my business, and I'm happy with it.

Has anybody got a problem with that?

No, I don't think anyone does. Thank you, Michaela. Well done.

Anyone else want to express their individuality?

Yeah, all right.

I'm a virgin too.

Get over it.

That's my choice, though, isn't it?

Quiet. Quiet.

Philip.

Philip. Do you see you?

What have I done?

Philip.

Philip.

Look, I'm sorry.

That didn't go quite to plan. It's absolutely my fault.

You're going to fix it for me, then?

Of course I can.

Exactly. It's my problem.

Philip, you're 16.

Like, this is not a competition.

Yeah, it is.

And then once you do do it, it all becomes about who can do it the most and

who's the best.

Don't get caught up in all that.

That's what I've just been trying to tell you.

Well, tell them.

All right, then I will.

I will. I'll get hold of lots of information that'll make them think

the promiscuous behaviour.

So that's going to solve my problem, is it?

No, it's not.

The truth is, this is one something you are going to have to figure out

yourself. But what I will say is, things happen when they happen.

Right? And when they do, you want to make sure that it is with the right

under the right circumstances.

Someone you care about and someone who cares about you.

You only get to give this thing away once.

So when you do, just make sure it means something.

Thanks, miss.

But Bolton's right, though.

I mean, I've never even had the choice.

You know, I'm never gonna.

No, not with that self -pitying attitude, you're not.

Fill it.

Mr Wilding's asked me to remind anyone that's attending his choir practice that

you'll be meeting in C12 at break today.

You're coming?

No way.

We're still going out on Matilda, aren't you? Yeah.

I just sworn it was you out back at my church last meeting with Ryan.

I'd like getting out now, would you?

Are you mates to Katie and Joe?

Yeah. Oh, yeah, I thought we'd do the photos.

You know, I spoke to them in the girls' toilet since last Wednesday.

I can check if you want.

Or you and the rest can just come along to choir practice.

Okay, I'll be there.

Hi.

Hiya. Hey.

Hey.

More treats?

Yeah, it's nothing. We had a bunch left over, so I just thought you might fancy

them. Cheers, Rose.

Just a little thank you for coming along to the AA meetings with me.

All I do is sit outside in the car.

Well, it means a lot to have someone there for me.

I'm really not keen on doing all this behind Davina's back.

I know, but please don't tell her, Tom.

It's hard enough keeping a lid on this as it is. I'd die if anyone else found

out.

Please.

OK.

Can I speak to Detective Inspector Mellor, please?

Are you in North Mellor?

Hi. You all right there?

Yeah, sorry.

I was just on my way to see someone.

Oh, OK.

Well, if you want to go through those doors there, then you can register with

security on your way in.

Thanks for your help.

Hang on, I thought you wanted to see... It's okay, love, I'll come back later.

Thanks again.

I did try and talk to him, but he... Well, how's that going to help?

He's probably going to get more grief because you brought it out in the open.

Well, someone clearly needed to.

I know that you're not his mum, but someone does need to talk to him about

Right. Well, thanks, Kim. Thank you.

Great. She makes a mess of things and needs you to pick up the pieces. Just

you need.

OK, this is where I need to hold my hands up because...

I need your help.

Oh, please, Eddie, look, I just feel that this is... It's like it's too close

home for me, and I know he's going to listen to you. Rachel, some things are

best left to sort themselves out. I don't think this is any of our business.

That's exactly what it is. Just listen for a second.

It's his 16th birthday.

His mother's just upped and left him. He lives with the head teacher of his

school, and that's difficult enough for any lad to deal with, let alone Philip.

And now you want me to talk to him about how he might not have had sex yet.

You might as well write happy virgin on his birthday cake and I'm done with it.

Funny, when they said there was some dodgy -looking lad at reception asking

after me, the last person I expected to see was you.

I want to sort things out between us, once and for all, but properly this

yeah? We did that already.

You're not getting any more cash.

I made a mistake.

OK, you can have the money back, I just need a bit of time to get hold of it,

OK? What are you talking about?

Me and Flit, we... We love each other.

And we're going to be together, I know that now.

You can't love her if you were going to walk away for five grand.

And how much can you love her if you were prepared to do what you did?

And she would never forgive either of us if she found out what happened.

Are you threatening me?

No, I'm just... I'm just saying we've both got as much to lose here, OK? So

we just put this behind us?

You know, and get on like nothing happened.

I bet you planned this all along, didn't you?

Get the cash and the girl.

How much more is it going to take?

Don't you get it?

No amount of money in the world is going to stop me from seeing Flick.

All right.

You win.

Thanks for finally having the guts to be honest with me.

I respect that.

It's 500.

What is why?

Phil.

Fill it.

Don't know.

Well, it's not that hard.

Everyone else needs to have done it already.

Story of your life, mate.

Phil, quiet word outside, mate.

Just get on with your work, please.

So, you want to tell me what's up?

Nothing. Well, something is.

Can't we tell you as well as the whole school?

Look, Miss Campbell's a bit in your face.

Just try and forget about it.

Might as well forget about my party as well.

Nothing to celebrate now.

No one's going to want to come to some loser.

Virgin's party anyway, so I'm calling it off then.

Okay. Welcome, welcome.

Good to see so many faces.

Looking so keen.

Someone died?

No, which is fine.

Okay. Right. So, choral music.

Yay.

It's all about singing together. Okay. All your voices singing as one.

Right. I've chosen a piece of music that some of you might be familiar with,

just to help reinforce this message. Okay?

Let's just go from the top and see how we get on. Okay?

When the night is gone.

Oh.

Oh.

They're heavy, aren't they?

She's cute.

So is one of these little ones Kim Campbell's then?

Yeah, this one.

Why?

Oh, just a friend of the family's.

Do you mind if I take a couple of... I think I'd better go and get someone.

Oh, come on, it'll be a nice surprise for Kim. She's probably busy now, yeah?

Come on, you can be in it as well if you like.

Thanks. Hey!

Did you hear me?

Okay,

stop there.

Well, y 'all fought back.

I know this is the first run -through, but that was... Tell me, you weren't

trying. It was like watching a funeral. Is there something going on here? No.

All right, if anyone is here against their will, would you put your hand...

right, go.

Sam, Lauren, wait here, please.

It was her idea.

She threatened them.

Told them that they had to come or something had happened to them.

She did it as well.

She told me to.

I don't believe this.

Look, there was no other way to get them to come. Nobody even wanted to be here.

Right. Well, you of all people should have told me.

Instead of wasting my time and making me look like a fool.

Would you want to be the one who tells Miss Mason why she won't be getting a

performance this evening?

What? Yeah.

Turns out...

She had high hopes for this choir, just like the rest of us.

I suppose that doesn't matter any more, does it?

Seeing as it never existed in the first place.

Thanks to your half -arsed birds -and -the -bees session, Philip's ready to

stick his head in the oven. It wasn't half -arsed. Yeah?

Then why is he cancelling his party all of a sudden?

He hasn't.

Yeah. The only thing you've managed to do is ruin a young lad's birthday.

Um... I'll go and have another word with him. No.

Don't you think you've done enough damage to his ego for one day?

Well, I haven't done that.

It's the pressure that if he hasn't lost his virginity by age 14, then he's a

late starter.

That's what lads are like.

Well, if that is the case, then we should make sure that they're doing it

safely. Without doing any more damage.

Well, how do you propose we do that?

Increased awareness and responsibility for your own sexual health.

You are kidding, aren't you?

Why not? 16 to 24 -year -olds have got the highest rate of infection.

Well, don't blame me when you've got a queue of angry parents knocking on your

door. For what?

Protecting the sexual health of the kids?

No, for shoving sex and sexual activity down their throats, like these magazines

you've been railing against all morning.

Well, at least I'm not ignoring the problem like you and Rachel.

If I can get just one kid to treat an SDI or wait until they're ready before

they have sex, then I'm doing my job right, aren't I?

We're free.

How much did it cost the movie to come to that little arrangement?

The hell have you done? You didn't give me any other choice.

Felicity!

Felicity! Can anybody sit in here?

What's this I hear about you cancelling your party?

It's not like anyone else was going to come.

No chance now, really, is it?

Have you even asked anyone?

No point.

Is there a joke to everyone?

Comedy Phil and his weird little life.

Oh, Phil.

Honestly, you are going to look back on this time in your life and you're going

to laugh.

Yeah, and so will everyone else.

This is just a phase. If I could get your future self to walk through those

doors and tell you...

Do you know what? You wouldn't even recognise him.

He'd be the one with a beard and a bulletproof suit.

Having a party at the headteacher's house is something that you and them can

only get to do once in a lifetime.

I think you might be surprised just how much they'd like to get involved if only

you give them the chance.

All right, if you won't ask me, then I will. Oh, no.

OK.

Well, while you're at it...

Why don't you give them then?

Show them the risks of sleeping around and not being too careful.

Okay.

She's got the world at her fingertips, hasn't she? Yeah.

All right, lads.

I'm having a party tonight.

And?

It's at Mason's house.

Are you serious?

Yeah.

Oh, definitely, man. We'll be there.

Right, well, are we going to be mates now?

So you can start to help me out instead of taking a mick all the time.

Sit down, my friend.

Look, you leave the inviting to me from now on, yeah?

And then we'll have your party and your other little problem sorted before the

night's out.

Okay.

Oh, yeah.

Campbell told us to give you a couple of these to read. What?

I've been nosy.

Gone a what?

Just in case you two...

Non -virgins have picked anything up on your travels. Mate, come on!

Kim, can I have a word?

Oh, can you just give us five minutes? No, I can't. Not really.

Because he's no good for you. Why can't you? Who are you to decide what? Get the

hell away from me. Please, let me... Both of you.

I'm not some piece of furniture you can just trade how you want.

This is just some stupid teenage crush. You'll be over him next week. This

wasn't about us.

Okay, I needed him for my family.

I didn't mean to hurt you. But you did.

You broke up with me and made me feel like I'd done something wrong when it

you all along.

It's always your no -good family first, isn't it? And what about you, then?

You're supposed to be any better.

Listen. No!

Everyone's invited.

No, no, no, no. I have to talk about a few people. Go watch, man.

Yo.

What, man?

Oh, did you miss?

No. Oh, I didn't miss.

Yeah.

This is some kind of joke. No, I had to chase them away myself.

Have you got any idea what this is about?

No.

Kim... Steph, just leave it, please.

Look, if I find some strange man snooping about the school taking photos

kids, that's something I've got to report to the police. It's not to say

said. Just leave it.

When the night has come... Wait, start again, start again.

One, two, three.

Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

What was that?

You're reaching too high. Find the right pitch, okay?

When the night... Night.

Better. Good luck with it, yeah?

Look, sir.

Will you give us another shot, please?

A little choir's still a choir.

I've never liked anything proper like this before, sir.

Give it another go and I can make them love it just as much as I do.

Anita, Daniel, stand over there for me. Right next to each other.

Right, just remember, smile.

Okay? This is good. Eyes up.

Chins up.

Guys, come on.

It's just about the idea of danger.

And step. And step. And step. And step.

And step. And step. And step.

And step. And step. And step. And step. And step. And step. And step. And step.

And step. And step. And step. And step. And step. And step. And step. And step.

And step. And step. And step. And step.

Give you a couple of these.

Here you go. Have a read.

Sex clinic.

Have you had sex yet? Well, what's it got to do with you?

Ah, well, Miss Campbell's told me to circulate a few of these for people who

might need testing to make sure you haven't got anything.

Well, what if I don't want to?

Well, if you've got something to hide.

I don't think that's any of your business or the school's.

Well, we'll have to see what Miss Campbell says when she finds out you

it. Oh, really?

Well, I'll have to see what my mum says when she finds out I haven't been given

a choice.

Ooh.

Right then.

Hey, Bill Parkey's back on. Oh, fantastic.

Oh, whatever Kim said, he's done the trick, hasn't he?

He wouldn't have cancelled in the first place if she'd kept her mouth shut.

Eddie, she might have had a point, you know. It is better to get things out in

the open than ignore them, isn't it?

Hello, Joyce.

Thank you.

Problem?

Lauren Fletcher's mum's on the way in to see us. She wants to know why her

daughter is being made to attend a sex clinic.

It's over, Claude. Believe me.

Girls.

Hi, hi. How are we?

I'm having a party tonight, round of mine.

Nathan's? Nathan's. And I could do with a few XX chromosomes around to balance

out all the XY.

We need a few girls. It probably won't be interesting.

Oh, it's nice to be wanted, isn't it, Flip?

I could do with a break from studio.

Definitely. Could do with a break full stop.

Good, great.

By the way, I've got a few of these that I'm handing out at the moment. No,

we'll see you later, girls.

Why are you trying to scare the honeys off with you?

It's in the leaflets, man.

Just put them away.

OK.

Mrs Fletcher, how can I help? What are you trying to imply about my Lauren?

she sleeps around?

No. Nobody's trying to say that.

So what do you call this, then?

Yeah, I'm afraid there's been some confusion with the sexual education

today. My daughter was given that.

She's 13, for God's sake.

That's a pretty big confusion.

I know. I can only apologise. We are going to look into it.

I'm her mother. And I'll be the judge of whether or not she's in danger and at

what age.

Of course. And we would not authorise anything like that without consulting

parents first.

It seems one of our colleagues got a little carried away.

We'll make sure it never happens again.

Good.

Otherwise, I may be forced to consider whether Lauren would be better placed at

another school.

Goodbye.

everything together.

Tom!

Hey.

Can I have a quick word?

What is it?

I need to borrow some money from you if I can.

I wouldn't ask if I didn't really need it. On top of everything else I'm doing

for you. I know.

No one else I can ask for a loan.

Kim.

What the hell did you think you were doing?

What? What is it?

Giving these to Philip to hand out to everyone he sees, including the Year 9s.

They were just meant to be for the seniors. I was trying to help him.

I just ended up getting a bit distracted.

These were not authorised to be handed out to any year in the first place.

Do you know what? I'll make sure that it never happens again, OK?

I hope it won't, because I don't know what kind of mission you're on at the

moment, Kim, but it's not one that I can support.

I really need to go now, if I can, please.

Kim, is everything all right with you?

Yeah.

It is, yeah.

It is. I'm fine. Honestly, I'm fine.

Do you know what? I think you and I need to have a drink at my office later.

Yeah. I'm always there if you need someone to talk to. Yeah. Do you know

That would be lovely.

OK. I'll see you later. All right. OK. I'll see you later.

Don't. Kim.

I don't know what's going on, but it looks to me like you're about to make

things a whole lot worse. Please.

Look, tell me. I might be able to help.

I don't want some dodgy bloke chasing after our kids any more than you do.

I don't want to lose the stuff.

What do you mean, Lisa?

Not mine.

I took her from Rwanda.

From my mum.

I smuggled her through customs.

How much?

Five thousand.

Five thousand?

But that's our entire life savings.

You know how close to the edge I am.

I can't do that, Rose. That's the truth.

Well, anything, then?

After all our Marley's done for me, I owe it to him to make sure he doesn't

out like the rest, and I will if it kills me.

I can give you a thousand.

Two at a push.

Well, do you want it or not?

Good man, Tom Clarkson, you're the best.

I'm an easy tap, that's what I am.

Kim, what you've done is kidnapping.

You could go to prison for that. No, it isn't.

It isn't. The mother gave it to me.

Why would she do that? She begged me to take Grace.

Give her a better chance.

You didn't see it out there, Steph.

I've got nothing.

I know.

But there are plenty of needy kids in this country need adopting. No, but

were like my family.

And I tried to do my best to teach Grace's brothers and sisters.

But it was too little and it was too late, so if I could at least just give

of them a new start.

Why didn't you do it properly?

Why didn't you make it a formal adoption? Because there was no time.

And I couldn't find Grayson's dad to tell him anything about it.

You stole her from her own father. He tried to blackmail me.

And when that's not worked, he turned me in.

Or he's having me followed or something.

Right, just remember to keep your breathing and your tempo steady.

It's a three -part harmony. Don't strain for the notes. And, well, if all else

fails, then... Sorry about the delay, sorry.

There you go.

Try again.

The

guy

is a dead weight. He's lazy.

He abandoned his kids. He's even got a bunch of other kids. Some other woman.

Kim, there are loads of dead weight dads who just love their kids in a different

way. It's not for you to decide.

messed up, had I?

When I went over there, I thought I could adapt.

And I couldn't.

And then I come over here.

I had to do the same thing, same as always.

I have to know Beth.

I just wanted to protect her.

Couldn't even do that right.

Do you know what?

I might as well let her go back. Stop suffering from my selfishness. Hang on,

hang on.

Let's just think about this for a second.

Your methods are not always best.

But your motives usually are.

So what do I do?

Fantastic. Well done.

I'm really surprised at how easy you make it look.

You know what? We have got a real shot at getting into that competition.

Well done.

I'm so impressed.

Thank you.

Told you.

Don't get too cocky.

You've got a long way to go.

You're going to stay with us, though, aren't you?

Two grand.

That's almost half. And I've got plenty of idea of how to get the rest.

I wouldn't waste your time, Mum.

It's not fun anymore.

I'm so shaking.

I parked my car right up to the entrance, so hopefully nobody will see

And what I'll do is I'll give you a call as soon as I know everything's all

right.

Thank you, Steph.

You owe me. Big time.

Okay.

Bye -bye, baby. Bye -bye.

happened about that drink? I thought we were going to... Do you know what?

I don't think we need it anymore.

You were right.

I have been on a bit of a mission lately and I've been letting my personal

problems get in the way of my professional ones, but I am sorting them

And I promise it won't happen again.

Okay.

Night -night then. See you.

Someone's going to the pub just now, Frederick.

Do you want to join us? I promised I'd have dinner tonight with Tom, so... OK.

Well, I'll see you later.

See you.

I got it.

Where is she?

Oh,

very... Nice.

Okay, could you put that down? That was not for you. I'm sorry.

Are you guys... I know Rachel and I are going out for a couple of hours.

Yeah, we are. So, no alcohol, Philip. Okay, and no smoking indoors.

Absolutely nobody upstairs.

If there's any problems, anything goes wrong, you call me. Rachel, Rachel,

Rachel. Shush now, shush. See you later, mate. Cheers, thanks.

I think it's a good idea, Eddie.

Yeah, he needs you cupping him some slack after Kim's been messing with his

all day.

And we need some time to ourselves as well.

First date?

First date. Yeah.

One rule.

What? No mention of school and no mention of Philip. Just us.

Hey, Jeff. Hi,

miss.

Just a minute, Eddie. Bolton, can you come here, please? What is that?

It's all alcohol -free, miss. Don't worry.

Look, I'm relying on you to keep things in order tonight, Bolton. Make sure

nothing goes wrong.

Don't worry, I'll be looking after him.

What's in it for me if it all goes cool?

What's in it for you? You might just avoid spending the rest of your life in

cooler. Take those glasses off when I'm talking to you, OK?

I don't think I don't know about your little advertising campaign for tonight.

Anything gets trashed and you're personally responsible.

And I mean that.

Serious? Yes, miss.

I'm trusting you.

Hi, miss! Yes, miss!

Hi!

No, no, no. Have a good time.

Oh,

there's more of them.

Hello, hello, hello.

Happy birthday, Virgin!

Guys, look where I can put the decks. A sloth would like a version. We can get a

shout -out to you and Michaela.

Yes, ma 'am.

Oh, shut the gaff up.

Hello. Where did the deck start going? What is that?

It's Mason.

She actually looks like a nice person.

Oh, there we go.

Hey. Good session.

Yeah, it was great.

I thought I had problems.

What's wrong with these guys?

See how many people are in the same boat as you?

It makes such a difference to have someone to talk to.

Hey, I could murder a copper if you've got five minutes.

Give you all the juicy details.

Oh, no, listen. No, you should get back. Sorry.

It's all right. One copper can't hurt, can it?

Run it off me.

Need a couple of drinks there?

I mean, yeah, on a weekend, I've only shot the biceps a couple of times,

finished up with some abs. I mean, he's there. He's always there. He's always

there.

a different person to the Rose that I first met.

In a good way.

You walk differently, you talk differently, you look different.

Pay me any more compliments like that, my head won't fit back in the car.

Definitely, pal.

What?

What did I want?

To manage that new prison, pal.

Of course you do. No way are they old enough.

That's what's causing our peace the opening night.

I'm totally not going, right?

Says who?

Well, what am I supposed to do? I'm not old enough. I've noticed.

You won't let your disability hold me back.

All right, I'll definitely call.

Never used to want all that crap.

It'd be cool, man, just me and her.

Now?

You like her, don't you?

She said she's involved, so... Not anymore.

Just a little bit milder.

Right for rebound.

Well, she's not going to say yes to me, is she?

Do you want to lose your virginity or not?

Yeah. Just keep it cool.

I need to speak to her.

Nah, it's not really the time, is it?

Well, when is it the time?

I've just embarrassed myself, what?

More than you already have done.

I mean, you've already tried it on with everybody else in the gaming place.

Go on!

Miss Kim Campbell?

Yes? We're from the Home Office.

May we come in for a second, please?

But what's this about?

We're following up some reports we've had about you harbouring an illegal

immigrant. A baby.

What? We can just come in, have a chat.

No.

No, I'm afraid you can't. I'm busy. We can't come back with a warrant if we

to.

Then you're going to have to.

You are being such a good girl for your Auntie Steph, aren't you?

Little greasy, greasy, greasy.

Well, don't worry.

Nobody's going to be taking you anywhere.

Hello?

Oh, good.

Are you all right?

Yes, we're fine.

Listen, there'll be nothing that Mary Poppins can't deal with, I promise.

OK, I'll speak to you later.

Bye.

That was your mummy.

Thanks for coming.

It's all right.

I heard about you and Marla.

Good to know.

Tell me to go if you want. I just thought you might want to show them to

Do you know of something, Philip?

He's fancying it on.

I keep getting them out and putting them in people's faces all the time. So

what? I'm getting a bit of attention. It makes me feel good.

I give you attention.

That's not about you, though, is it? No, but it's all people are talking about.

I mean, I know there's more to you than them, but... You're not man enough to

handle me.

Listen, it's all right when you're checking out some other woman's boobs in

magazine or some next girl's at school, but you can't stomach it when people are

doing it after me.

No, but there never even used to be like this. But you've got to be tarting it

around all the time. I don't care what you think, Bolton.

If you can't handle me, then you might as well just...

What?

Breaking up with her?

I've got fellas queuing round the block. You might as well count yourself lucky.

It's half the problem, though, innit?

You think we can do better?

It's me.

See how long it is before you come crawling back?

I won't be waiting for you.

We're breaking up.

But when people want to ask me about Bolton and the stud, I might just have

tell them it's different.

Do what you want, though.

It's better than being a fake, innit?

This is, uh, this is really... This is your first time, yeah?

Don't worry.

I'll be gentle.

I mean, do you really want to... Yeah, why not?

You like me, don't you, Philip?

Yeah.

Let's do this.

Do you not think I'm worth it, either?

Come on.

I thought this is what you wanted.

Flick, Flick, Flick, Flick, come on.

Not really, OK? Not like this.

What the hell?

I think you're really nice and everything, Flick, and I do really fancy

but... It's like what Campbell said today.

You know, I want it to mean something, okay?

For someone who cares for me.

And someone who wants to do it for the right reasons.

And I don't think that's you, really, is it?

Sorry.

You alright?

Yeah, I'm fine.

I jumped in, yeah.

Cool. I'm just worried about you.

Don't be.

That might have felt like too much woman for him to handle, is it?

Different league me now, Flo.

You okay?

Got better places to be at.

Can't be doing me no hangers -on.

Just a second, Jack.

Yo!

Yo!

Everyone out!

Yo!

Yo!

Party's done!

Mason's back in 20 minutes. Everyone out!

This is you inviting me in for coffee, is it? No, it was me inviting you to

clear the rubbish. Oh.

I'm scared.

There was no need.

Did they actually have a party?

Philip? Hey, leave him alone. Don't embarrass him.

Philip?

And, did he have a good birthday?

Yeah, good.

Do you think he's okay?

He will be, when you learn to relax and when you're alone.

So, coffee, or maybe straight to a little sex ed lesson of our own.

Do you?

I think we'll see, yes.

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