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1
00:00:23,291 --> 00:00:27,416
And what the case
here clearly needs is...
2
00:00:28,375 --> 00:00:30,666
My daughter! He's got my daughter!
3
00:00:31,166 --> 00:00:32,416
Judge, you're mistaken.
4
00:00:33,208 --> 00:00:34,541
The only need is me.
5
00:00:41,416 --> 00:00:44,250
-This way!
-No. This way.
6
00:01:09,416 --> 00:01:10,250
Hey!
7
00:01:14,708 --> 00:01:15,732
Where's her daughter?
8
00:01:24,583 --> 00:01:27,250
Watch out! It's gonna blow!
9
00:01:35,833 --> 00:01:36,833
Cut there.
10
00:01:36,916 --> 00:01:38,818
Reset.
11
00:01:39,458 --> 00:01:41,291
What are you doing?
12
00:01:41,416 --> 00:01:42,958
You know me.
I never do my own stunts.
13
00:01:43,041 --> 00:01:44,042
Clarky boy. You're up.
14
00:01:44,125 --> 00:01:46,613
Well, maybe if you worked out
once in a while, Brad.
15
00:01:46,916 --> 00:01:48,667
Some of the biggest stars
do their own stunts.
16
00:01:48,750 --> 00:01:51,917
Not this big star, but if you wanna
talk about it further over drinks?
17
00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:54,875
Mm. Can my husband
and two small children come too?
18
00:01:54,958 --> 00:01:57,041
You're cute. I'll take a rain check.
19
00:01:57,125 --> 00:01:58,750
-Alf.
-Brad.
20
00:01:59,333 --> 00:02:01,125
Wonderful work today.
21
00:02:01,458 --> 00:02:05,000
It's a Killing Time 7'sgonna
be fresher than4and5.
22
00:02:05,083 --> 00:02:06,083
Well, thanks, buddy.
23
00:02:06,166 --> 00:02:08,458
But I still have concerns
over scene 22.
24
00:02:08,583 --> 00:02:10,625
I think I'm coming off a little...
unlikeable,
25
00:02:10,708 --> 00:02:12,208
and the woman's really underwritten.
26
00:02:12,291 --> 00:02:14,041
-Well, I may...
-Not now, sugar.
27
00:02:14,125 --> 00:02:16,167
You know what?
I'm gonna sort that for you.
28
00:02:16,250 --> 00:02:17,250
You're my man.
29
00:02:19,708 --> 00:02:21,166
Stand by, everyone.
30
00:02:22,666 --> 00:02:24,125
Good luck, Maggie.
31
00:02:24,208 --> 00:02:25,625
It's Martha.
32
00:02:28,375 --> 00:02:29,583
Who cares?
33
00:02:38,375 --> 00:02:39,208
Hey.
34
00:02:40,208 --> 00:02:45,375
I'm so sorry to ask, Mr Mac,
but would you say it, please?
35
00:02:46,375 --> 00:02:48,791
The only need... is me.
36
00:02:49,916 --> 00:02:52,041
I'm going to miss these movies.
37
00:02:52,125 --> 00:02:54,541
Miss? What do you mean, miss?
38
00:02:55,541 --> 00:02:57,625
I don't believe it.
They don't wanna makeKilling Time 8?
39
00:02:57,708 --> 00:02:59,666
Still. You had a good run.
40
00:02:59,750 --> 00:03:01,291
We only made seven films.
41
00:03:01,375 --> 00:03:03,458
Each one better than the last.
42
00:03:05,333 --> 00:03:06,845
You know what, forget it. Fine.
43
00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:08,041
What's next?
44
00:03:09,083 --> 00:03:10,791
Listen, Brad, I'll level with you.
45
00:03:10,875 --> 00:03:12,500
There is no next.
46
00:03:12,583 --> 00:03:16,041
Er, the bottom line is people
don't want to hire you.
47
00:03:16,958 --> 00:03:19,750
What? Why?
'Cause I'm too expensive?
48
00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:21,666
Er, because you're difficult.
49
00:03:21,750 --> 00:03:25,000
You're late on set, and you refuse
to do your own stunts.
50
00:03:25,083 --> 00:03:26,292
You don't remember names.
51
00:03:26,375 --> 00:03:27,750
You failed your medicals.
52
00:03:27,833 --> 00:03:30,042
Oh, my God.
How many times do I have to say it?
53
00:03:30,125 --> 00:03:32,041
It was the day after the Super Bowl.
54
00:03:32,125 --> 00:03:34,564
When me and the boys get together,
stuff goes down.
55
00:03:35,541 --> 00:03:38,333
There's gotta be
some kind of romcom I can do.
56
00:03:38,958 --> 00:03:40,416
Or a biopic.
57
00:03:40,958 --> 00:03:44,166
We could use this as an opportunity
for me to really stretch.
58
00:03:44,250 --> 00:03:47,833
With the right makeup artist,
I could play Barack Obama.
59
00:03:47,916 --> 00:03:49,125
Christ.
60
00:03:49,208 --> 00:03:51,666
Yeah. Probably still too young, huh?
61
00:03:51,750 --> 00:03:53,791
Look, there is
one thing knocking around.
62
00:03:53,875 --> 00:03:54,875
What?
63
00:03:56,458 --> 00:03:57,958
Theatre in England.
64
00:03:58,958 --> 00:04:00,250
In front of a live audience?
65
00:04:00,333 --> 00:04:01,333
Exactly.
66
00:04:01,416 --> 00:04:04,208
Well, it's something
I've always wanted to do, but...
67
00:04:04,750 --> 00:04:07,875
you and I both know I only ever took
that one film acting class.
68
00:04:07,958 --> 00:04:12,333
I mean, I might be a natural,
but theatre kind of scares me.
69
00:04:12,416 --> 00:04:14,833
-You, scared?
-I've only ever done films.
70
00:04:14,916 --> 00:04:18,375
Well, it's exactly the same.
Just louder.
71
00:04:18,458 --> 00:04:20,333
-Really?
-Yeah.
72
00:04:20,416 --> 00:04:21,916
Are you sure that's it?
73
00:04:22,625 --> 00:04:23,666
Trust me.
74
00:04:23,750 --> 00:04:25,041
Huh.
75
00:04:25,875 --> 00:04:26,875
Louder.
76
00:04:28,541 --> 00:04:30,583
You know what? Count me in.
77
00:04:30,666 --> 00:04:33,875
Great. Now we are talking
about a very traditional production,
78
00:04:33,958 --> 00:04:36,000
but with your name on the marquee,
it'll sell out in seconds.
79
00:04:36,083 --> 00:04:37,125
Me, a sell out!
80
00:04:37,208 --> 00:04:38,750
You said it, kid, not me.
81
00:04:38,833 --> 00:04:41,500
And doesn't your daughter live
in England?
82
00:04:41,583 --> 00:04:44,875
Yeah. Yeah. Well, I don't get to
see her as much any more.
83
00:04:44,958 --> 00:04:46,833
Well, this is a chance to reconnect.
84
00:04:46,916 --> 00:04:50,458
We're connected. I just don't get
to see her as much as I want to.
85
00:04:50,541 --> 00:04:52,500
So. Theatre in England?
86
00:04:52,583 --> 00:04:53,916
Yes!
87
00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:55,000
You know what?
88
00:04:55,083 --> 00:04:57,916
We're gonna show the whole world
what Bradley Mac can do.
89
00:04:58,416 --> 00:05:00,625
Because when push comes to shove...
90
00:05:01,708 --> 00:05:03,208
the only need is me.
91
00:05:06,333 --> 00:05:07,708
Oh, Jesus.
92
00:05:14,833 --> 00:05:16,541
-Thank you.
-You're welcome.
93
00:05:17,125 --> 00:05:19,369
Would you like to have
a look at the menu, sir?
94
00:05:34,125 --> 00:05:35,958
I'm sorry to disturb you,
95
00:05:36,041 --> 00:05:40,041
but we've been watching you
the whole flight. My husband and I...
96
00:05:43,416 --> 00:05:46,791
We're just huge fans of
theKilling Timemovies.
97
00:05:47,041 --> 00:05:48,916
Thank you. That's very kind.
98
00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:50,750
It's so inspiring to see
99
00:05:50,833 --> 00:05:55,000
a man of your age
still throw themselves around.
100
00:05:55,708 --> 00:05:58,750
In-in all fairness,
I like the first one
101
00:05:58,833 --> 00:06:02,750
much more than the last one,
but who cares?
102
00:06:02,833 --> 00:06:04,666
-They're fun!
-Yeah.
103
00:06:05,500 --> 00:06:09,333
What kind of woman doesn't love
a cuddly older man?
104
00:06:09,833 --> 00:06:13,166
-Chocolate chip cookie?
-No. I'm good, thanks.
105
00:06:13,708 --> 00:06:14,708
Have a good flight.
106
00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:21,541
Hello, Mr Mac.
107
00:06:21,625 --> 00:06:22,500
Hi.
108
00:06:23,416 --> 00:06:25,541
Hi again. I'm just in the limo.
109
00:06:26,291 --> 00:06:29,416
-Rented, but still a limo.
-Where are you?
110
00:06:29,541 --> 00:06:30,625
No, I'm outside.
111
00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:32,875
I've got a sign. You won't miss me.
112
00:06:32,958 --> 00:06:33,958
Where outside?
113
00:06:34,041 --> 00:06:35,875
Just outside arrivals, mate.
114
00:06:38,083 --> 00:06:40,750
Mr Mac, I'm Nigel Brand.
115
00:06:40,833 --> 00:06:42,500
Here to take you to the Savoy.
116
00:06:42,583 --> 00:06:44,250
The Savoy again.
117
00:06:46,541 --> 00:06:49,208
I gotta say, I'm a huge fan.
118
00:06:49,750 --> 00:06:51,083
I just lovedTop Gun.
119
00:06:52,125 --> 00:06:55,916
Oh, heated seats as requested.
120
00:06:57,083 --> 00:07:01,000
Oh, and here's your natural
volcanic water, sir.
121
00:07:01,208 --> 00:07:02,041
Thank you.
122
00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:17,625
♪ Snow is falling all around me ♪
123
00:07:18,458 --> 00:07:22,333
♪ Children playing, having fun ♪
124
00:07:23,125 --> 00:07:24,875
♪ It's the season ♪
125
00:07:24,958 --> 00:07:27,791
♪ Love and understanding ♪
126
00:07:27,875 --> 00:07:31,750
♪ Merry Christmas, everyone ♪
127
00:07:32,708 --> 00:07:36,750
♪ At the parties and celebrations ♪
128
00:07:37,458 --> 00:07:41,333
♪ People dancing all night long ♪
129
00:07:42,083 --> 00:07:46,625
{\an8}♪ Time for presents
And exchanging kisses ♪
130
00:07:46,708 --> 00:07:50,708
{\an8}♪ Time for singing Christmas songs ♪
131
00:07:52,416 --> 00:07:56,500
♪ We're gonna have a party tonight ♪
132
00:07:57,208 --> 00:08:00,708
♪ I'm gonna find that girl
Underneath the mistletoe ♪
133
00:08:00,833 --> 00:08:03,208
♪ And kiss by candlelight ♪
134
00:08:03,375 --> 00:08:07,208
♪ The room is swaying
Records playing ♪
135
00:08:08,041 --> 00:08:11,958
♪ All the old songs we love to hear ♪
136
00:08:12,541 --> 00:08:17,166
♪ Oh, I wish
That... every day was Christmas ♪
137
00:08:17,458 --> 00:08:21,416
♪ What a nice way to spend the year ♪
138
00:08:21,500 --> 00:08:22,500
♪ Whoo, yeah ♪
139
00:08:36,833 --> 00:08:38,979
And on your left,
Mr Mac, you're gonna see...
140
00:08:40,041 --> 00:08:41,041
Mr Mac?
141
00:08:41,916 --> 00:08:45,916
♪ We're gonna have a party tonight ♪
142
00:08:46,541 --> 00:08:50,708
♪ I'm gonna find that girl
Underneath the mistletoe ♪
143
00:08:50,791 --> 00:08:52,375
♪ And kiss by candlelight ♪
144
00:08:52,791 --> 00:08:54,708
♪ Snow is falling ♪
145
00:08:54,791 --> 00:08:56,583
♪ All around me ♪
146
00:08:57,458 --> 00:09:01,458
♪ Children playing, having fun ♪
147
00:09:02,041 --> 00:09:03,500
♪ It's the season ♪
148
00:09:03,958 --> 00:09:06,666
♪ Love and understanding ♪
149
00:09:07,041 --> 00:09:10,583
♪ Merry Christmas, everyone ♪
150
00:09:11,708 --> 00:09:15,416
♪ Merry Christmas, everyone ♪
151
00:09:16,041 --> 00:09:20,416
{\an8}♪ Merry Christmas, everyone ♪
152
00:09:28,291 --> 00:09:32,125
♪ Snow is falling all around me ♪
153
00:09:33,041 --> 00:09:37,041
{\an8}♪Children playing, having fun ♪
154
00:09:37,791 --> 00:09:39,250
{\an8}♪ It's the season ♪
155
00:09:39,625 --> 00:09:41,916
{\an8}♪ Love and understanding ♪
156
00:09:42,541 --> 00:09:46,208
♪ Merry Christmas, everyone ♪
157
00:09:46,875 --> 00:09:51,208
♪ Snow is falling all around me ♪
158
00:09:51,958 --> 00:09:55,583
{\an8}♪Children playing, having fun ♪
159
00:09:56,500 --> 00:09:57,833
{\an8}♪ It's the season ♪
160
00:09:58,125 --> 00:10:01,000
♪ Love and understanding ♪
161
00:10:01,458 --> 00:10:05,541
♪ Merry Christmas, everyone ♪
162
00:10:05,958 --> 00:10:08,416
♪ Oh, snow is falling ♪
163
00:10:19,458 --> 00:10:22,541
All right. Mr Mac.
164
00:10:24,041 --> 00:10:24,875
Mr Mac.
165
00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:27,250
Mr Mac, we're here.
166
00:10:42,625 --> 00:10:44,041
What are you talking about?
167
00:10:45,625 --> 00:10:46,666
Where's Big Ben?
168
00:10:46,750 --> 00:10:48,250
Harrods? Downton Abbey?
169
00:10:48,375 --> 00:10:50,750
Nah, we missed all that, sleepyhead.
170
00:10:51,083 --> 00:10:54,541
But welcome, Mr Mac, to the Savoy.
171
00:10:56,125 --> 00:10:58,583
Now there is currently
no running water,
172
00:10:58,666 --> 00:11:01,166
but you don't mind
skipping a shower day, do you?
173
00:11:01,250 --> 00:11:02,708
Is this some kind of a joke?
174
00:11:02,791 --> 00:11:04,291
Is what a joke?
175
00:11:05,750 --> 00:11:07,291
Where the hell's London?
176
00:11:07,958 --> 00:11:09,916
Well, it's three hours that way, sir.
177
00:11:15,708 --> 00:11:18,166
You are good, my friend.
178
00:11:18,250 --> 00:11:20,416
So this is some kind
of hidden camera show.
179
00:11:20,500 --> 00:11:21,666
I got it from here.
180
00:11:22,375 --> 00:11:25,541
Hey, Jimmy Kimmel, come out
from wherever you're hiding, dude.
181
00:11:29,875 --> 00:11:33,166
Yeah.
Erm, this is your hotel, Mr Mac.
182
00:11:33,250 --> 00:11:35,916
All the big turns stay
at the Savoy Guest House
183
00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:38,583
when they're performing
at Stoneford's Theatre Royal.
184
00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:46,541
Yeah. I'll... I'll show you.
185
00:11:49,333 --> 00:11:50,791
Fine. I'll play along.
186
00:11:59,625 --> 00:12:01,333
-Wow.
-What the...
187
00:12:05,125 --> 00:12:09,291
♪ It's beginning to look
A lot like Christmas ♪
188
00:12:10,666 --> 00:12:11,544
There he is!
189
00:12:12,916 --> 00:12:14,750
Get him! Get him!
190
00:12:35,250 --> 00:12:37,750
Excuse me. Hello. Um...
191
00:12:37,833 --> 00:12:42,125
Darling, Brad,
here you are at last. Erm...
192
00:12:42,791 --> 00:12:47,000
- Welcome to Stoneford,
-Welcome to Stoneford.
193
00:12:47,083 --> 00:12:49,041
He's even more gorgeous in the flesh.
194
00:12:49,125 --> 00:12:52,500
I'm Callum. The prince.
Massive fan, mate.
195
00:12:53,083 --> 00:12:55,083
The only need is... yeah.
196
00:12:55,500 --> 00:12:56,416
Yeah.
197
00:12:56,708 --> 00:12:58,666
Not exactly sure
what's going on here,
198
00:12:58,750 --> 00:12:59,750
but obviously there's been
199
00:12:59,833 --> 00:13:02,333
-some kind of...
-Brenda. Fairy godmother.
200
00:13:05,833 --> 00:13:07,375
Izzy, Cinderella.
201
00:13:09,125 --> 00:13:11,041
-Fanny.
-And Annie.
202
00:13:11,125 --> 00:13:12,792
-We're the ugly stepsisters.
-We do it every Christmas.
203
00:13:12,875 --> 00:13:14,708
-Yeah, and on birthdays.
-Oh, you are filthy!
204
00:13:15,708 --> 00:13:19,541
Bababa, Bababa. Russell.
Baron Hardup.
205
00:13:20,416 --> 00:13:21,928
Hilda from box office.
206
00:13:23,541 --> 00:13:24,875
Jean the cleaner.
207
00:13:26,208 --> 00:13:27,208
Jonty on sound.
208
00:13:28,291 --> 00:13:29,375
Frank on lights.
209
00:13:30,666 --> 00:13:31,875
Neigh.
210
00:13:32,250 --> 00:13:35,416
Your distinguished director,
Cassandra Collins, OBE,
211
00:13:35,500 --> 00:13:38,291
under me, over me.
212
00:13:39,833 --> 00:13:42,791
-And you are?
-Jill, the choreographer.
213
00:13:43,833 --> 00:13:46,750
And I hate to be a realist,
but we've only got a few days
214
00:13:46,833 --> 00:13:48,291
to get this show on the road.
215
00:13:48,375 --> 00:13:50,000
So if everyone's finished fawning,
216
00:13:50,083 --> 00:13:51,708
let's take it
from the top of act one.
217
00:13:51,791 --> 00:13:53,458
You'll need these tap shoes.
218
00:13:53,708 --> 00:13:57,916
Er, stop. Everybody.
Just stop for a second, please.
219
00:13:58,458 --> 00:14:00,916
Again, not sure
what's happening here.
220
00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:03,041
But I definitely
did not sign up for this.
221
00:14:03,125 --> 00:14:04,708
Sorry, for what, duck?
222
00:14:04,875 --> 00:14:06,958
This, whatever this is. What is this?
223
00:14:07,083 --> 00:14:09,250
A low-rent production ofCats?
224
00:14:09,333 --> 00:14:11,833
Darling. It's a pantomime.
225
00:14:12,041 --> 00:14:13,333
A panto-what?
226
00:14:13,583 --> 00:14:14,958
Cinderella!
227
00:14:15,041 --> 00:14:17,000
And you are our Buttons.
228
00:14:17,208 --> 00:14:18,875
Oh, no, I'm not!
229
00:14:18,958 --> 00:14:20,791
Oh, yes, you are!
230
00:14:21,791 --> 00:14:24,500
Is it the large padded horse
that's throwing you off?
231
00:14:25,583 --> 00:14:30,000
Okay. Uh, Brenda, darling,
why don't you show him?
232
00:14:30,208 --> 00:14:31,333
Show me what?
233
00:14:40,166 --> 00:14:44,666
Pantomime, Brad, or panto for short,
234
00:14:45,125 --> 00:14:47,625
is an annual British tradition.
235
00:14:47,708 --> 00:14:49,875
A quintessential part of Christmas.
236
00:14:50,041 --> 00:14:52,708
Think fairy tales, but fun!
237
00:14:52,791 --> 00:14:57,500
Aladdin, Cinderella,
Dick Whittington...
238
00:14:58,208 --> 00:14:59,208
I beg your pardon?
239
00:14:59,625 --> 00:15:02,958
You've got men dressed as women.
Women dressed as men.
240
00:15:03,041 --> 00:15:07,625
Horses played by people plus
pop songs and pyrotechnics.
241
00:15:09,250 --> 00:15:11,500
Always a happy ending
242
00:15:11,625 --> 00:15:16,416
with an enormous explosion
covering the whole auditorium.
243
00:15:17,375 --> 00:15:20,791
Brenda, try not to be so crude.
There are children present.
244
00:15:22,250 --> 00:15:26,666
Double entendres too, Brad,
you like those, I'm sure.
245
00:15:26,791 --> 00:15:28,416
Mind you,
246
00:15:29,750 --> 00:15:31,652
there're a lot
to get your mouth around.
247
00:15:31,833 --> 00:15:35,333
Alright, my darlings, we begin.
248
00:15:41,958 --> 00:15:43,208
Oh, my God.
249
00:15:45,916 --> 00:15:48,458
♪ You look like fun to me ♪
250
00:15:48,541 --> 00:15:52,625
♪ You look a little like
Somebody I know ♪
251
00:15:52,708 --> 00:15:53,958
Come on, sheeple!
252
00:15:54,041 --> 00:15:59,041
♪ How this ends because
I'll be in your head all weekend ♪
253
00:15:59,125 --> 00:16:01,625
♪ Shivers and butterflies ♪
254
00:16:01,708 --> 00:16:05,625
♪ I get the shivers
When I look into your eyes ♪
255
00:16:05,708 --> 00:16:08,708
♪ And I can tell that you're all in ♪
256
00:16:08,791 --> 00:16:11,291
♪ Because I can hear
Your heart beating ♪
257
00:16:11,375 --> 00:16:14,291
♪ Padam, pad am, pad am ♪
258
00:16:14,750 --> 00:16:16,458
♪ I hear it and I know ♪
259
00:16:16,541 --> 00:16:20,333
♪ Padam, pad am,
I know you wanna take me home ♪
260
00:16:20,458 --> 00:16:23,916
Keep up the energy.
Remember, people are paying for this.
261
00:16:24,541 --> 00:16:26,916
♪ When your heart goes pad am ♪
262
00:16:27,958 --> 00:16:30,750
It'll all make sense
eventually, dear.
263
00:16:30,833 --> 00:16:34,125
♪ I know you wanna
Take me home, pad am ♪
264
00:16:34,208 --> 00:16:37,500
♪ And take off all my clothes,
Padam, pad am ♪
265
00:16:37,916 --> 00:16:41,541
♪ When your heart goes pad am ♪
266
00:16:42,625 --> 00:16:45,166
-Ha-ha! Yes!
-Right. Thank you.
267
00:16:45,875 --> 00:16:46,708
Thank you.
268
00:16:47,500 --> 00:16:49,916
Thank you for wasting my time.
269
00:16:50,208 --> 00:16:51,041
Good luck.
270
00:16:51,750 --> 00:16:54,041
Never say good luck
in the theatre, Brad.
271
00:16:54,250 --> 00:16:55,083
Yeah.
272
00:16:55,375 --> 00:16:56,708
We're cursed.
273
00:16:57,500 --> 00:17:00,166
Brad. What's the problem?
274
00:17:00,250 --> 00:17:02,083
You're kidding. What's the problem?
275
00:17:02,583 --> 00:17:05,291
Okay, here's the problem.
I'm stuck here in Hookeyville
276
00:17:05,375 --> 00:17:08,500
somewhere north of nowhere,
surrounded by singing sheep
277
00:17:08,583 --> 00:17:11,708
and ageing alcoholics.
Okay. You are my agent.
278
00:17:11,791 --> 00:17:14,708
You need to get me out of here
as quickly as possible.
279
00:17:14,791 --> 00:17:18,250
Oh, but Brad,
you did read the script, right?
280
00:17:18,333 --> 00:17:19,750
No, not, not...
281
00:17:19,833 --> 00:17:22,125
And the terms of the contract?
282
00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:23,720
Get out of the road, you idiot.
283
00:17:23,958 --> 00:17:26,625
Exactly. Look, honey,
284
00:17:26,708 --> 00:17:29,417
I've been your agent for years,
and the fact of the matter is,
285
00:17:29,500 --> 00:17:30,708
you're lazy, ungrateful,
286
00:17:30,791 --> 00:17:33,375
and I've had just about enough
rider requests for one lifetime.
287
00:17:33,458 --> 00:17:36,833
Nobody needs a new pair of briefs
every single day.
288
00:17:38,458 --> 00:17:41,833
Brad Apollo Mac,
it gives me the greatest of pleasures
289
00:17:41,916 --> 00:17:44,083
to finally say, you're fired.
290
00:17:44,166 --> 00:17:47,833
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You are fired.
291
00:17:47,916 --> 00:17:49,667
Too late, buster.
You're already off the books.
292
00:17:49,750 --> 00:17:51,416
You're gonna hear from my lawyer.
293
00:17:51,500 --> 00:17:53,625
Who cares?
Your lawyer hates you, too.
294
00:17:53,708 --> 00:17:55,583
Merry Christmas, Buttons.
295
00:18:00,500 --> 00:18:03,583
I wouldn't worry about it, mate.
Gandalf's done it too.
296
00:18:03,666 --> 00:18:07,000
-He still does, in fact.
-Sir Ian McKellen's done pantomime?
297
00:18:07,083 --> 00:18:09,000
Oh, yeah. All the big names.
298
00:18:09,083 --> 00:18:13,208
David Hasselhoff, Pamela Anderson,
Barry offEastEnders.
299
00:18:13,291 --> 00:18:15,083
-Eh?
-I'm dead.
300
00:18:17,875 --> 00:18:20,583
All right then. Here we are.
301
00:18:22,833 --> 00:18:23,833
Wow.
302
00:18:26,541 --> 00:18:28,250
I... I don't really need a
themed room,
303
00:18:28,333 --> 00:18:29,309
a regular one'll do.
304
00:18:30,041 --> 00:18:31,625
What you mean, themed?
305
00:18:41,666 --> 00:18:43,250
Hello, girls.
306
00:18:43,333 --> 00:18:45,125
Kieran, what are you doing here?
307
00:18:45,208 --> 00:18:47,667
I'm not gonna let you walk home
in the dark on your own, am I?
308
00:18:47,750 --> 00:18:50,500
-So jump in the motor.
-It's a short walk. We're fine.
309
00:18:50,583 --> 00:18:51,625
It's winter, Jill.
310
00:18:51,708 --> 00:18:53,292
There's a lot
of naughty people knocking about.
311
00:18:53,375 --> 00:18:54,546
You know, like burglars.
312
00:18:54,750 --> 00:18:56,555
Oh, you've heard
about that, have you?
313
00:18:56,708 --> 00:18:59,000
Of course, I have.
Everyone's talking about it.
314
00:18:59,083 --> 00:19:01,542
Yeah, well, I hope
you're not mixed up in any of it.
315
00:19:01,625 --> 00:19:04,000
Put the top up, Kieran.
It's freezing.
316
00:19:04,416 --> 00:19:05,416
How's my baby?
317
00:19:05,500 --> 00:19:07,083
I'm 13.
318
00:19:07,166 --> 00:19:09,291
Well, you'll always be my baby.
319
00:19:09,375 --> 00:19:11,125
You're looking forward
to spending Christmas
320
00:19:11,208 --> 00:19:12,574
with your old dad this year?
321
00:19:12,791 --> 00:19:14,375
-What?
-It's my turn.
322
00:19:14,458 --> 00:19:16,666
She's got a part in the panto.
323
00:19:16,750 --> 00:19:18,208
We discussed this.
324
00:19:18,708 --> 00:19:20,583
Well, that was before I knew
that you were both working
325
00:19:20,666 --> 00:19:22,166
with that, uh,Killing Timemug.
326
00:19:22,416 --> 00:19:25,708
So, yeah. Christmas
with all your London cousins.
327
00:19:25,791 --> 00:19:27,547
You'd like that, wouldn't you, Cara?
328
00:19:31,250 --> 00:19:32,762
Oh, well, I'll give you a bell.
329
00:19:34,250 --> 00:19:35,333
Love you, baby.
330
00:19:52,666 --> 00:19:56,000
No, that's disgusting.
331
00:19:59,250 --> 00:20:00,416
Oh, crap.
332
00:20:06,083 --> 00:20:09,041
-Hey, Grace, how are you?
-Oh, Brad, are you in England?
333
00:20:09,166 --> 00:20:14,291
Er, yeah,
I'm at a silent shamanic retreat.
334
00:20:15,166 --> 00:20:16,333
Mmm.
335
00:20:16,416 --> 00:20:17,916
Mmm.
336
00:20:18,916 --> 00:20:20,416
Mmm.
337
00:20:20,500 --> 00:20:22,791
Any plans to see
your daughter at all?
338
00:20:22,958 --> 00:20:25,208
Can't really talk right now.
Gotta stay quiet.
339
00:20:25,291 --> 00:20:28,833
-Convenient.
-Emma, darling, it's Daddy.
340
00:20:28,916 --> 00:20:32,291
Okay, fine, Grace.
I was supposed to do a play here.
341
00:20:32,375 --> 00:20:33,916
Okay? In the theatre.
342
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:36,500
Exciting times.
Who's the playwright, Brad?
343
00:20:36,583 --> 00:20:39,250
-Oh, Spencer, you're there too?
-Marlow? Jonson?
344
00:20:39,333 --> 00:20:41,416
It's gonna be
down in Stoneford, okay?
345
00:20:42,458 --> 00:20:44,375
Hey, Em. Hi, sweetheart.
346
00:20:44,458 --> 00:20:46,875
Hi, Dad.
Mum says you're in England.
347
00:20:47,041 --> 00:20:48,375
That's right, governor.
348
00:20:48,458 --> 00:20:49,458
Don't do the accent.
349
00:20:49,541 --> 00:20:51,958
Yeah. Okay. Look,
sweetheart, the sad thing is,
350
00:20:52,041 --> 00:20:54,292
I don't think I'm gonna
be able to see you on this trip.
351
00:20:54,375 --> 00:20:56,125
Well, but you said that last time.
352
00:20:56,208 --> 00:20:59,166
-And the time before that.
-And the time before that.
353
00:20:59,250 --> 00:21:02,458
I know, I know, okay?
But this time is not my fault.
354
00:21:02,541 --> 00:21:03,858
I'm not gonna be here long.
355
00:21:04,083 --> 00:21:05,375
I've been conned.
356
00:21:05,458 --> 00:21:06,917
They weren't even gonna
give me a Winnebago.
357
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:09,416
But what about Christmas?
358
00:21:09,541 --> 00:21:11,083
Christmas.
359
00:21:11,416 --> 00:21:13,958
Ugh. Oh, honey, I am so sorry.
360
00:21:14,041 --> 00:21:16,139
I promise I'm gonna
make it up to you, okay?
361
00:21:16,625 --> 00:21:19,583
Hey, you liked that Amazon gift card
I gave you last year, right?
362
00:21:19,666 --> 00:21:21,542
That way you can get
exactly what you want.
363
00:21:21,625 --> 00:21:22,583
Don't worry, Dad.
364
00:21:22,791 --> 00:21:25,041
Mum always told me
to manage my expectations.
365
00:21:25,458 --> 00:21:27,214
A pretty good life lesson, actually.
366
00:21:27,833 --> 00:21:29,166
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.
367
00:21:29,250 --> 00:21:32,567
Please don't be mad at me, okay?
I promise, I will make it up to you.
368
00:21:33,083 --> 00:21:35,291
But now you sleep tight,
my little angel.
369
00:21:49,833 --> 00:21:53,125
Oh no, this is actually happening.
370
00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:04,500
Wait, Mr Mac.
371
00:22:06,750 --> 00:22:07,916
I gotta say, Mr Mac,
372
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:10,732
I'm surprised you didn't flee
in the middle of the night.
373
00:22:13,083 --> 00:22:14,333
Imagine that.
374
00:22:14,416 --> 00:22:17,666
Mad dash to the airport,
straight onto a private jet.
375
00:22:17,750 --> 00:22:20,140
But then again, I know you
wouldn't do that to us.
376
00:22:22,916 --> 00:22:24,875
That's a big bag
for a rehearsal, innit?
377
00:22:30,625 --> 00:22:32,833
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
378
00:22:35,875 --> 00:22:36,708
Excuse me?
379
00:22:37,541 --> 00:22:39,416
Sign in please, Mr Mac.
380
00:22:41,166 --> 00:22:43,458
It's ten past ten.
You are late.
381
00:22:43,541 --> 00:22:45,458
It's fine. I won't be staying.
382
00:22:46,125 --> 00:22:48,291
Why is my name
not at the top of the list?
383
00:22:48,875 --> 00:22:51,041
Well, it's alphabetical, Mr Mac.
384
00:22:52,583 --> 00:22:53,416
Huh.
385
00:22:54,916 --> 00:22:57,125
The name's Albert, by the way.
386
00:22:58,291 --> 00:23:00,125
Albert with an A.
387
00:23:01,083 --> 00:23:02,583
I know your game.
388
00:23:07,291 --> 00:23:08,291
Yeah.
389
00:23:13,625 --> 00:23:14,625
Pbrrr.
390
00:23:18,041 --> 00:23:21,541
-Ciao, Brad.
-Yeah, I know. Hello. Goodbye.
391
00:23:21,625 --> 00:23:22,625
So sad.
392
00:23:22,708 --> 00:23:24,583
Now, I take it
you've read the script.
393
00:23:24,666 --> 00:23:27,792
Sandra, if I had read this script,
I wouldn't have gotten on the plane.
394
00:23:27,875 --> 00:23:29,666
You are hilarious.
395
00:23:29,750 --> 00:23:31,375
So we're gonna be starting
with scene three.
396
00:23:31,458 --> 00:23:32,708
It's a tricky one, mind.
397
00:23:32,791 --> 00:23:35,458
Wonderful. Places, please, darlings.
398
00:23:36,166 --> 00:23:39,166
Oh, hello, Buttons. There you are.
399
00:23:39,250 --> 00:23:41,292
Weren't you supposed to be
with the fairy in the dairy?
400
00:23:41,375 --> 00:23:42,500
The fairy in the dairy, Fanny?
401
00:23:42,583 --> 00:23:44,708
That's right, Annie.
Far better than being on the hunt...
402
00:23:44,791 --> 00:23:47,132
Wait a second.
Why is there plastic on the floor?
403
00:23:47,541 --> 00:23:50,333
And why are you wearing a wig?
In the script it says...
404
00:23:54,416 --> 00:23:55,750
Son of a bitch!
405
00:23:56,333 --> 00:23:58,291
You should have known
from my contract.
406
00:23:58,583 --> 00:24:01,541
I don't do my own stunts.
Somebody call me a car!
407
00:24:01,750 --> 00:24:03,791
-You're a car.
-You're a jerk.
408
00:24:03,875 --> 00:24:05,917
Don't worry, Bradders.
It was an absolute honour
409
00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:07,500
to be punched in the face by you.
410
00:24:07,583 --> 00:24:11,000
-You can even do it harder next time.
-Oh, yeah, Brad, she likes it hard.
411
00:24:11,083 --> 00:24:11,916
Ooh, Fanny.
412
00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:15,541
Okay, that's it. I quit.
I'm on the red eye tonight.
413
00:24:15,625 --> 00:24:17,417
Have you got pink eye, darling?
414
00:24:17,500 --> 00:24:19,625
I've got a cream
that's good for that.
415
00:24:19,708 --> 00:24:21,333
What's wrong with you people?
416
00:24:21,416 --> 00:24:24,416
Actually, Brad, darling,
you, erm, you can't quit.
417
00:24:24,500 --> 00:24:29,000
-Excuse me?
-Oh, yes. Cassie's right, darling.
418
00:24:29,083 --> 00:24:32,041
Your clever little agent
added in a liability clause.
419
00:24:32,125 --> 00:24:32,958
Yep.
420
00:24:33,250 --> 00:24:35,416
If you fail
to perform even just one show,
421
00:24:35,500 --> 00:24:38,622
you're liable to be sued for
loss of proceeds for the entire run.
422
00:24:38,791 --> 00:24:42,625
Ooh, I think I might be able
to muster the six bucks.
423
00:24:42,708 --> 00:24:46,083
Mm. The last time I looked,
I think it was two million pounds.
424
00:24:46,166 --> 00:24:47,875
Three million, actually.
425
00:24:48,500 --> 00:24:50,333
You see,
Christmas pantomimes make the money
426
00:24:50,416 --> 00:24:52,042
that keeps theatres open
all year round.
427
00:24:52,125 --> 00:24:54,667
Without that revenue,
a lot of theatres would be forced
428
00:24:54,750 --> 00:24:57,041
to close down.
This one included.
429
00:24:57,166 --> 00:25:00,916
Yeah. Sorry, sorry. Yeah.
That is £3,000,000, not dollars.
430
00:25:01,625 --> 00:25:02,458
Okay, darling.
431
00:25:04,666 --> 00:25:06,208
I'm gonna need some privacy.
432
00:25:06,666 --> 00:25:09,375
Oh. Please don't go, Brad.
433
00:25:10,916 --> 00:25:14,916
Hate you, Brad? No.
Why would I hate you?
434
00:25:15,041 --> 00:25:17,458
Your NDAs alone paid
for my new pool.
435
00:25:17,541 --> 00:25:19,333
Okay, good. Good.
436
00:25:19,416 --> 00:25:22,916
That's great. So... am I free?
437
00:25:24,500 --> 00:25:28,250
Well, sadly, Brad,
the contract's pretty tight.
438
00:25:28,750 --> 00:25:31,375
Unless there's some kind
of force majeure.
439
00:25:31,458 --> 00:25:34,666
An explosion, tsunami,
collapse of the Western world,
440
00:25:34,750 --> 00:25:37,375
which, let's face it, isn't far away.
441
00:25:37,958 --> 00:25:39,666
You're doing this, I'm afraid.
442
00:25:39,750 --> 00:25:42,375
No, no, no, Sukie, please. I can't.
443
00:25:43,125 --> 00:25:44,583
Why is this happening to me?
444
00:25:44,666 --> 00:25:47,375
Well, your agent made
a pretty solid deal.
445
00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:48,833
Judas.
446
00:25:48,916 --> 00:25:50,833
No, Julie.
447
00:25:51,166 --> 00:25:53,916
You really gotta get better
at remembering people's name.
448
00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:55,833
Hey...
449
00:25:59,041 --> 00:26:01,250
What if I just walked,
got on a plane and went home?
450
00:26:01,333 --> 00:26:04,625
Oh, then they will sue
and trust me, they will win.
451
00:26:04,708 --> 00:26:07,333
But, hey, look on
the bright side, Brad,
452
00:26:07,500 --> 00:26:09,916
this pantomime thing's
surprisingly well paid.
453
00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:10,833
It is?
454
00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:15,708
Sure, and given
the state of your finances,
455
00:26:15,791 --> 00:26:17,303
I would stay put if I were you.
456
00:26:17,416 --> 00:26:18,958
What about my finances?
457
00:26:19,041 --> 00:26:20,375
Oh, Brad, please.
458
00:26:20,458 --> 00:26:25,916
Five houses, one divorce,
200k a year on tulips.
459
00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:29,708
-Your spending is out of control.
-Why can't anyone get this right?
460
00:26:30,208 --> 00:26:32,500
It was $200,000 over two years.
461
00:26:32,583 --> 00:26:35,666
And they weren't tulips.
They were orchids from Namibia.
462
00:26:35,750 --> 00:26:39,708
Well, Namibia it in the butt,
pal, because the bottom line is,
463
00:26:39,791 --> 00:26:42,875
it's Buttons or bust.
464
00:26:51,708 --> 00:26:52,958
I'm screwed.
465
00:26:58,708 --> 00:27:00,291
Everybody's a comedian.
466
00:27:02,041 --> 00:27:04,708
Right then, what can I get you?
Oh, hello, Brad.
467
00:27:05,250 --> 00:27:07,541
-So you work here too?
-Course I do.
468
00:27:07,625 --> 00:27:09,667
Cost of living, mate,
can never have too many jobs.
469
00:27:09,750 --> 00:27:10,708
You're telling me.
470
00:27:10,791 --> 00:27:14,000
I used to be the face of Breitling,
Gucci, Constipate.
471
00:27:14,625 --> 00:27:15,708
Exactly as it sounds.
472
00:27:15,791 --> 00:27:18,333
Anyways, I'll have
a sparkling kombucha,
473
00:27:18,416 --> 00:27:20,375
a pistachio quinoa power bowl,
474
00:27:20,458 --> 00:27:23,166
and a side order of organic kale,
low-alkaline please.
475
00:27:23,250 --> 00:27:25,291
-Yeah, we don't have that.
-Which part?
476
00:27:25,458 --> 00:27:26,458
Any of it.
477
00:27:28,166 --> 00:27:31,291
Fine. I'll take your average,
run-of-the-mill sushi. Thank you.
478
00:27:34,750 --> 00:27:35,833
Hi, Brad.
479
00:27:36,416 --> 00:27:38,125
Hello, teenage girl.
480
00:27:39,500 --> 00:27:41,958
I'm in the pantomime. Cara.
481
00:27:42,041 --> 00:27:44,333
Of course, you are.
482
00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:46,166
For the Gram.
483
00:27:46,458 --> 00:27:48,791
Oh, God.
I wish I had a gram right now.
484
00:27:56,375 --> 00:27:59,750
Listen, Brad, I just wanted
to apologise for yesterday
485
00:27:59,833 --> 00:28:01,250
for being a bit rude.
486
00:28:01,375 --> 00:28:03,500
It's just we don't have
much time to rehearse.
487
00:28:03,583 --> 00:28:06,375
And you being five days late
wasn't exactly helpful.
488
00:28:06,458 --> 00:28:09,791
-I'm five days late?
-Oh, like you didn't know that.
489
00:28:09,875 --> 00:28:12,500
Of course not.
'Cause I'm not supposed to be here.
490
00:28:12,583 --> 00:28:14,000
My agent tricked me.
491
00:28:14,166 --> 00:28:16,459
I'm supposed to be playing
Macbeth at the Globe.
492
00:28:16,791 --> 00:28:21,666
Oh, well, you'd freeze your tits off.
That place doesn't even have a roof.
493
00:28:22,666 --> 00:28:26,458
Okay. This was my chance to be
taken seriously as an actor.
494
00:28:26,750 --> 00:28:30,958
-And now that's not gonna happen.
-Pantomime is serious.
495
00:28:31,041 --> 00:28:33,541
I'm starting to think
you might be a little serious.
496
00:28:35,083 --> 00:28:37,541
You have a daughter,
don't you, Brad? Emma.
497
00:28:37,625 --> 00:28:39,333
Yes. I may have Wikipedia-ed it.
498
00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:43,583
Can you just imagine
her looking at you on the stage
499
00:28:43,666 --> 00:28:46,583
putting massive smiles
on everyone's faces?
500
00:28:46,666 --> 00:28:48,458
Yeah, that's not gonna happen.
501
00:28:48,541 --> 00:28:51,041
Not exactly
the world's greatest dad right now.
502
00:28:51,333 --> 00:28:54,500
Kids are for life, Brad,
not just for Christmas.
503
00:28:56,041 --> 00:28:57,833
And think of Stoneford too.
504
00:28:57,916 --> 00:29:00,625
Do you honestly think
anyone's gonna care?
505
00:29:01,250 --> 00:29:04,791
Er, hello. Look around.
506
00:29:05,458 --> 00:29:08,791
So if you're thinking of leaving us,
Mr Mac, better do so soon
507
00:29:08,875 --> 00:29:11,083
'cause we'd need
to find another Buttons.
508
00:29:12,666 --> 00:29:15,208
-What the hell is that?
-Sushi.
509
00:29:15,291 --> 00:29:16,333
I googled it.
510
00:29:20,708 --> 00:29:23,416
Well, it looks like you win.
511
00:29:24,458 --> 00:29:29,166
I, Bradley Mac, three-time
Razzie nominee, will be your Buttons.
512
00:29:29,250 --> 00:29:31,291
-Bravo!
-Marvellous!
513
00:29:31,375 --> 00:29:33,042
Hey, it's dead flattering that, Brad.
514
00:29:33,125 --> 00:29:34,458
Welcome to the madhouse, darling.
515
00:29:34,541 --> 00:29:36,750
-Who wants a gin?
-Brenda. Not now.
516
00:29:37,166 --> 00:29:38,166
First things first.
517
00:29:38,250 --> 00:29:39,542
I wanna start
with the motivational speech
518
00:29:39,625 --> 00:29:41,125
between Buttons and Cinderella.
519
00:29:41,208 --> 00:29:45,166
Er, sorry, darling...
Erm, motivational speech?
520
00:29:45,291 --> 00:29:46,875
Yeah.
Where he tells her to stay strong
521
00:29:46,958 --> 00:29:48,178
in the face of adversity.
522
00:29:48,458 --> 00:29:50,958
I've done it a hundred times.
Remember?Killing Time 2.
523
00:29:51,041 --> 00:29:53,416
-I was four when that came out.
-Yeah, same.
524
00:29:54,458 --> 00:29:56,791
All I have to do
is get my head in the character
525
00:29:56,875 --> 00:29:59,000
and it should be
smooth sailing from there.
526
00:29:59,250 --> 00:30:02,041
Absolutely, darling,
give us your best shot.
527
00:30:05,583 --> 00:30:08,416
Oh, heavens. He's gonna go
all Method on us, Brenda.
528
00:30:08,500 --> 00:30:09,708
He's not the only one.
529
00:30:12,041 --> 00:30:13,875
Don't cry, Cinderella.
530
00:30:14,875 --> 00:30:19,166
Your stepmother and stepsister
are mean because that's their nature.
531
00:30:19,250 --> 00:30:21,041
Things will get better.
532
00:30:21,625 --> 00:30:23,041
You just have to believe.
533
00:30:25,833 --> 00:30:27,500
And magic will happen.
534
00:30:30,208 --> 00:30:33,791
Can I just, er,
stop you for a moment, Brad?
535
00:30:33,875 --> 00:30:36,333
Too good?
I don't wanna show up the others.
536
00:30:36,541 --> 00:30:38,666
-Almost too good. Yup.
-Ah.
537
00:30:39,125 --> 00:30:41,500
Now, Brad, darling,
you are used to film
538
00:30:41,916 --> 00:30:44,167
where the camera can give you
a lovely big close-up
539
00:30:44,250 --> 00:30:45,916
with the microphone and the edits.
540
00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:48,375
Hey, I'm ready
for my close-up, Mr Mac.
541
00:30:48,458 --> 00:30:50,208
No one's interested
in your muscles, Callum.
542
00:30:50,291 --> 00:30:52,625
-Speak for yourself, love.
-Want a go on that?
543
00:30:52,708 --> 00:30:54,666
But on stage,
it is completely different.
544
00:30:54,750 --> 00:30:58,625
You have to project.
You have to go big.
545
00:30:58,708 --> 00:30:59,541
I know that.
546
00:30:59,666 --> 00:31:00,500
I know that.
547
00:31:00,666 --> 00:31:01,666
Louder.
548
00:31:02,208 --> 00:31:04,708
Louder. Okay. Big, big.
549
00:31:04,916 --> 00:31:06,166
Gorgeous.
550
00:31:06,958 --> 00:31:09,958
And... action!
551
00:31:10,833 --> 00:31:13,583
Don't cry, Cinderella!
552
00:31:13,666 --> 00:31:16,000
Your stepmother
and stepsisters are mean to you
553
00:31:16,083 --> 00:31:17,791
because it's their nature!
554
00:31:18,291 --> 00:31:20,708
Things will get better!
555
00:31:23,041 --> 00:31:24,125
Something like that?
556
00:31:24,458 --> 00:31:26,250
Mm-hmm. Mm.
557
00:31:26,333 --> 00:31:27,333
We're screwed.
558
00:31:33,208 --> 00:31:35,000
Grace.
How's my favourite ex-wife?
559
00:31:35,083 --> 00:31:36,500
Oh, what do you care?
560
00:31:36,708 --> 00:31:40,375
Now, listen,
you can pick Emma up tomorrow.
561
00:31:40,458 --> 00:31:42,875
You should consider
yourself very lucky.
562
00:31:42,958 --> 00:31:44,416
-Tomorrow?
-Yes.
563
00:31:45,041 --> 00:31:47,791
And do not let her down this time.
564
00:31:47,875 --> 00:31:50,167
-What do you mean, this time?
-Oh, come on, Brad.
565
00:31:50,250 --> 00:31:51,333
Forget the Oscars.
566
00:31:51,416 --> 00:31:54,636
You are literally first in line
for Worst parent of the year award.
567
00:31:55,625 --> 00:31:58,125
Some parents are
just so selfish, aren't they?
568
00:31:59,166 --> 00:32:00,083
What the...?
569
00:32:01,833 --> 00:32:02,857
-I'll be there.
-Good.
570
00:32:09,125 --> 00:32:11,875
Oh, Brad, I'm so sorry, mate.
Come here.
571
00:32:11,958 --> 00:32:13,421
-Don't.
-Yeah, no, fair enough.
572
00:32:13,791 --> 00:32:15,416
-We've been broken into.
-What?
573
00:32:15,500 --> 00:32:17,166
Yeah.
Your suite's been ransacked.
574
00:32:17,291 --> 00:32:19,500
Why don't you just get me
another room with a bigger lock?
575
00:32:19,583 --> 00:32:22,708
I would love to, but we,
we are chock full of Santas
576
00:32:22,791 --> 00:32:24,401
and we're the only hotel in town.
577
00:32:25,208 --> 00:32:27,125
Well then, Mr Mac,
578
00:32:27,208 --> 00:32:29,125
you'd better come
and stay at my place.
579
00:32:29,916 --> 00:32:32,292
Thank you, Albert.
But I don't want to put you out.
580
00:32:32,375 --> 00:32:34,333
Oh, it's fine.
581
00:32:34,958 --> 00:32:38,000
We'll find a way to,
uh, squeeze you in.
582
00:32:40,500 --> 00:32:42,598
I could bring whatever's
left of your stuff.
583
00:32:43,250 --> 00:32:44,125
Thanks, Nigel.
584
00:32:45,666 --> 00:32:47,083
Yeah, you're welcome, mate.
585
00:32:49,083 --> 00:32:50,166
Stay safe.
586
00:33:00,291 --> 00:33:03,208
Wow.
It was very thoughtful of you, Alby.
587
00:33:03,291 --> 00:33:05,083
Hey, Albert, please.
588
00:33:05,666 --> 00:33:08,583
Really like the electric car too.
Very green of you.
589
00:33:09,375 --> 00:33:10,208
What's all this?
590
00:33:11,166 --> 00:33:13,791
This is my life,
591
00:33:14,333 --> 00:33:15,833
my whole life.
592
00:33:16,583 --> 00:33:18,625
Huh.
593
00:33:20,416 --> 00:33:22,666
Er... er, you're upstairs.
594
00:33:22,750 --> 00:33:24,166
Er, first floor.
595
00:33:39,583 --> 00:33:41,916
-I've got a question.
-The answer is yes.
596
00:33:42,125 --> 00:33:46,041
Madly in love with each other,
but no, neither of them has a clue.
597
00:33:48,625 --> 00:33:49,958
-I'll get it.
-Yeah.
598
00:33:50,041 --> 00:33:51,041
I'll get it.
599
00:33:51,333 --> 00:33:54,625
Right. Brad. Dare I say,
we're gonna attempt to put you in.
600
00:33:54,833 --> 00:33:56,500
-God help us.
-Fine. Just remember,
601
00:33:56,583 --> 00:33:58,000
I don't do my own stunts.
602
00:33:58,500 --> 00:34:00,875
You don't do your own stunts.
Got it.
603
00:34:01,708 --> 00:34:03,916
Right. To save time,
we're gonna divvy up
604
00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:05,958
some your lines to other people.
605
00:34:08,416 --> 00:34:09,708
I'm a light tenor.
606
00:34:10,916 --> 00:34:11,916
How about you?
607
00:34:12,583 --> 00:34:14,291
A little heavier, but I can sing.
608
00:34:14,916 --> 00:34:17,250
Jill, is this a good time
to tell you that I can actually sing
609
00:34:17,333 --> 00:34:18,833
and I'm a pretty good dancer?
610
00:34:19,333 --> 00:34:20,500
Of course, you are.
611
00:34:24,916 --> 00:34:25,750
Callum.
612
00:34:30,291 --> 00:34:35,500
♪ It's the most
wonderful time of the year ♪
613
00:34:37,333 --> 00:34:41,208
♪ With the kids jingle belling
And everyone telling you ♪
614
00:34:41,291 --> 00:34:43,333
♪ Be of good cheer ♪
615
00:34:43,958 --> 00:34:49,541
♪ It's the most wonderful time
Of the year ♪
616
00:34:50,625 --> 00:34:56,291
♪ It's the hap-happiest season
Of all ♪
617
00:34:57,666 --> 00:35:01,583
♪ With those holiday greetings
And gay happy meetings ♪
618
00:35:01,666 --> 00:35:03,958
♪ When friends come to call ♪
619
00:35:04,791 --> 00:35:10,750
♪ It's the most wonderful time
Of the year ♪
620
00:35:11,166 --> 00:35:15,458
♪ There'll be parties for hosting
Marshmallows for toasting ♪
621
00:35:15,541 --> 00:35:18,291
♪ And carolling out in the snow ♪
622
00:35:18,375 --> 00:35:22,250
♪ There'll be scary ghost stories
And tales of the glories ♪
623
00:35:22,333 --> 00:35:26,208
♪ Of Christmases long, long ago ♪
624
00:35:27,000 --> 00:35:32,125
♪ It's the most wonderful time
Of the year ♪
625
00:35:33,875 --> 00:35:37,500
♪ There'll be much mistletoeing
And hearts will be glowing ♪
626
00:35:37,583 --> 00:35:40,250
♪ When loved ones are near ♪
627
00:35:40,750 --> 00:35:43,416
♪ It's the most wonderful time ♪
628
00:35:44,333 --> 00:35:47,583
♪ Yes, the most wonderful time ♪
629
00:35:47,666 --> 00:35:51,666
♪ Oh, the most wonderful time ♪
630
00:35:52,375 --> 00:35:56,541
♪ Of the year ♪
631
00:35:57,000 --> 00:35:58,875
Bravo!
632
00:36:00,291 --> 00:36:04,083
♪ It's the most wonderful time ♪
633
00:36:04,166 --> 00:36:07,541
♪ Yes, the most wonderful time ♪
634
00:36:07,625 --> 00:36:13,375
♪ It's the most wonderful time
Of the year ♪
635
00:36:15,000 --> 00:36:17,875
Ah, this is gonna be
our best panto ever.
636
00:36:17,958 --> 00:36:19,417
Yeah,
that was supposed to be my song.
637
00:36:19,500 --> 00:36:21,250
Oh, Russell, darling, don't worry.
638
00:36:21,333 --> 00:36:24,504
-You can take a lead on another one.
-Yeah. Only if I get to pick.
639
00:36:24,791 --> 00:36:27,458
I'd like to do
Engelbert Humperdinck's
640
00:36:27,541 --> 00:36:29,625
Lonely Is a Man Without Love.
641
00:36:30,208 --> 00:36:33,541
-Hmm. That'll really get them going.
-It used to, darling.
642
00:36:33,625 --> 00:36:37,583
-Izzy. What's going on?
-Oh, no. It's all right, Brad.
643
00:36:37,666 --> 00:36:39,958
-We don't have to do this.
-Do what?
644
00:36:40,541 --> 00:36:42,542
Well, I know
you like to date your co-stars,
645
00:36:42,625 --> 00:36:45,875
but seriously,
you're old enough to be my granddad.
646
00:36:46,750 --> 00:36:47,583
Wow.
647
00:36:49,416 --> 00:36:50,416
Wow.
648
00:36:51,000 --> 00:36:52,333
Truth is, I was just gonna ask you
649
00:36:52,416 --> 00:36:54,416
what's going on
between you and Callum.
650
00:36:54,500 --> 00:37:00,333
Oh, oh, sorry.
That, erm, well, nothing, I guess.
651
00:37:00,875 --> 00:37:02,541
Every year we do the panto
652
00:37:02,625 --> 00:37:05,333
and every year
we just sort of grow apart.
653
00:37:05,416 --> 00:37:07,125
Too much brawn, not enough brains.
654
00:37:07,208 --> 00:37:09,000
I hate those guys.
655
00:37:10,125 --> 00:37:13,000
Well, at least I now know
what I need to ask Santa for.
656
00:37:13,500 --> 00:37:14,500
What, brains?
657
00:37:14,583 --> 00:37:17,958
No. Something
to stuff your stocking with.
658
00:37:18,083 --> 00:37:21,250
It's double entendre.
You're getting it.
659
00:37:21,333 --> 00:37:24,416
No, you're getting it from Callum.
660
00:37:25,250 --> 00:37:26,250
Too much?
661
00:37:27,291 --> 00:37:28,916
Bren, darling. What's the matter?
662
00:37:29,000 --> 00:37:32,875
-It's my digs. I've been broken into.
-No, not another one.
663
00:37:33,500 --> 00:37:36,416
Digs is what they call
the accommodation actors stay in.
664
00:37:36,500 --> 00:37:38,000
Gosh. Thanks, Gillian.
665
00:37:38,291 --> 00:37:42,166
-Hey, don't call me Gillian.
-Stoneford just isn't what it was.
666
00:37:42,750 --> 00:37:44,750
I mean, we were a community once.
667
00:37:45,375 --> 00:37:47,958
Now look, blighted by petty crime.
668
00:37:48,041 --> 00:37:50,208
Yeah, we all know who's behind that.
669
00:37:50,333 --> 00:37:52,916
How else can he drive that car?
Hey, Kieran!
670
00:37:53,000 --> 00:37:54,833
Leave him, Brenda, please.
671
00:37:55,541 --> 00:37:58,250
I don't know why you
are sticking up for him.
672
00:37:58,333 --> 00:37:59,309
Jill.
673
00:37:59,875 --> 00:38:04,541
Jill, that ex-husband of yours is
a bad 'un if ever there was one.
674
00:38:04,625 --> 00:38:06,750
Right then, who's getting this round?
675
00:38:06,833 --> 00:38:08,458
Are you serious?
You work here too?
676
00:38:08,541 --> 00:38:10,208
Yeah, cough up, rich boy.
677
00:38:10,291 --> 00:38:12,500
Oh, 200 grand for orchids.
678
00:38:12,583 --> 00:38:16,125
It was a hundred grand a year,
and they were from Namibia.
679
00:38:16,208 --> 00:38:17,500
-Oh.
-Oh.
680
00:38:18,041 --> 00:38:21,125
Another round for everybody on me.
681
00:38:23,666 --> 00:38:27,000
Well, I'll see you tomorrow, I guess.
682
00:38:27,083 --> 00:38:30,208
Yeah. Not too many late night bars
around here, are there?
683
00:38:30,291 --> 00:38:32,166
Around here? Nah.
684
00:38:32,916 --> 00:38:35,209
I do have a bottle of wine
in the fridge though.
685
00:38:36,125 --> 00:38:37,458
Oh. Erm...
686
00:38:39,791 --> 00:38:42,208
Mind you, hey, carbs innit.
687
00:38:43,041 --> 00:38:45,208
Right. Gotta look after the temple.
688
00:38:45,458 --> 00:38:46,291
Yeah.
689
00:38:50,166 --> 00:38:52,041
-Here he is.
-Oi, oi!
690
00:38:52,125 --> 00:38:54,250
Stoneford's action hero.
Look at him. Look.
691
00:38:54,625 --> 00:38:56,375
Come on then, show us
some of your moves, huh?
692
00:38:56,458 --> 00:38:57,625
The only need is me.
693
00:38:57,750 --> 00:39:00,917
-I don't want any trouble. Come on.
-Course you don't. You know why?
694
00:39:01,000 --> 00:39:03,195
'Cause you're a little scaredy cat,
ain't you?
695
00:39:03,666 --> 00:39:05,375
You couldn't even block that...
696
00:39:07,541 --> 00:39:09,297
No wonder you ended up in this dump.
697
00:39:10,666 --> 00:39:14,250
-You're a hopeless loser.
-Go home, Kieran. Now.
698
00:39:14,833 --> 00:39:16,053
I'm having a laugh, Jill.
699
00:39:17,666 --> 00:39:18,666
Let's go, boys.
700
00:39:18,750 --> 00:39:20,333
Alright, Kieran, come on.
701
00:39:25,916 --> 00:39:26,833
Jill.
702
00:39:28,750 --> 00:39:30,250
I'll see you tomorrow, Brad.
703
00:39:37,583 --> 00:39:39,167
Never do nothing right.
704
00:39:39,250 --> 00:39:41,348
All you have to do
is stand up for yourself.
705
00:39:43,375 --> 00:39:44,250
Huh?
706
00:39:45,291 --> 00:39:47,333
Hey!
707
00:39:47,875 --> 00:39:50,333
-Stay where you are! Stop!
-Leg it!
708
00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:52,291
Somebody stop them!
709
00:39:57,250 --> 00:39:58,458
What's going on?
710
00:40:00,791 --> 00:40:02,375
He's behind you.
711
00:40:03,583 --> 00:40:04,750
Don't come any closer.
712
00:40:09,125 --> 00:40:11,916
Ah! Ah, ah, me sole!
713
00:40:13,625 --> 00:40:16,250
-Stay down.
-Mate, you saved us!
714
00:40:16,916 --> 00:40:19,166
I got it all on video too.
715
00:40:19,875 --> 00:40:22,500
Well done, sir. Nice one.
Thank you.
716
00:40:22,583 --> 00:40:25,375
Arms behind your back. Police.
We've got his accomplice as well.
717
00:40:25,458 --> 00:40:27,556
Looks like
the Stoneford crime spree's over.
718
00:40:29,291 --> 00:40:31,250
Hang on a minute, aren't you...?
719
00:40:31,333 --> 00:40:32,250
I am.
720
00:40:33,208 --> 00:40:34,428
I think I broke it.
721
00:40:34,791 --> 00:40:37,250
247 to base. You'll never guess
who I've just seen.
722
00:40:37,333 --> 00:40:38,875
Go ahead, 247. Surprise me.
723
00:40:38,958 --> 00:40:42,208
{\an8}Hollywood movie star, Brad Mac,
put his trademark action moves
724
00:40:42,291 --> 00:40:43,708
{\an8}into action last night.
725
00:40:43,791 --> 00:40:45,791
{\an8}Not on some Hollywood studio lot,
726
00:40:45,875 --> 00:40:49,541
{\an8}but here in the sleepy town
of Stoneford in England.
727
00:40:49,625 --> 00:40:51,875
{\an8}Mr Mac may not have been
kung fu fighting,
728
00:40:51,958 --> 00:40:55,583
{\an8}but his unusual routine is said
to have been inspired by this:
729
00:40:55,666 --> 00:40:57,583
{\an8}Stoneford's Theatre Royal,
730
00:40:57,666 --> 00:41:00,958
where in just a few days' time,
Brad Mac takes to the stage
731
00:41:01,041 --> 00:41:03,292
-as Buttons inCinderella.
-Here he is! Here he is!
732
00:41:03,375 --> 00:41:06,625
Oh, Mr Mac, can I ask
exactly what happened?
733
00:41:07,375 --> 00:41:10,708
Well, I think I did what
any concerned citizen would do.
734
00:41:10,791 --> 00:41:15,000
Er, I saw two men trying to rob,
uh, a home, and I chased them.
735
00:41:15,083 --> 00:41:16,416
And apprehended them?
736
00:41:16,500 --> 00:41:18,375
No, the police did that.
737
00:41:18,458 --> 00:41:20,541
But I like to think
that I did my part.
738
00:41:20,625 --> 00:41:22,541
Two men are now in custody.
739
00:41:22,625 --> 00:41:24,125
It turns out they were
part of a criminal gang
740
00:41:24,208 --> 00:41:26,625
that have been targeting
towns in the local area.
741
00:41:26,708 --> 00:41:29,250
Police are confident
that further arrests will follow,
742
00:41:29,333 --> 00:41:31,333
and that the gang's
crime spree has been put to a stop.
743
00:41:31,416 --> 00:41:32,875
All thanks to you, Brad Mac.
744
00:41:33,583 --> 00:41:36,083
-How's the panto going?
-Oh, great. Thank you for asking.
745
00:41:36,166 --> 00:41:39,166
Thank you. Erm, yeah,
strength to strength like my career.
746
00:41:39,458 --> 00:41:41,208
And if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna go spend
747
00:41:41,291 --> 00:41:42,833
the rest of the day
with my daughter. Thank you.
748
00:41:42,916 --> 00:41:43,750
Thank you.
749
00:41:43,833 --> 00:41:45,041
Mr Mac?
750
00:41:45,125 --> 00:41:46,958
{\an8}Quick, Brenda,
why don't you tell them
751
00:41:47,041 --> 00:41:49,667
{\an8}about your one night encounter
with Ozzy Osborne in 1985?
752
00:41:49,750 --> 00:41:52,125
{\an8}Oh, with pleasure.
753
00:42:16,791 --> 00:42:19,250
-Spencer.
-Grace!
754
00:42:20,166 --> 00:42:21,416
Spider-Man's here.
755
00:42:21,500 --> 00:42:23,541
-Wasn't inSpider-Man.
-No?
756
00:42:23,625 --> 00:42:26,250
I wouldn't know.
I don't watch mainstream movies.
757
00:42:26,500 --> 00:42:30,458
I prefer Cinéma Français.
Films with subtitles.
758
00:42:30,541 --> 00:42:32,208
I like French films.
759
00:42:32,375 --> 00:42:34,375
But I don't need
subtitles.
760
00:42:36,166 --> 00:42:37,166
Move, Spencer.
761
00:42:42,250 --> 00:42:44,083
Dad, you finally made it!
762
00:42:44,166 --> 00:42:47,333
Oh, sweetheart,
I am so happy to see you.
763
00:42:47,416 --> 00:42:49,221
We're gonna have
a fabulous day, okay?
764
00:42:50,208 --> 00:42:51,375
When do you need her back?
765
00:42:51,458 --> 00:42:52,791
Oh, after lunch is fine.
766
00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:55,146
Well, that's not gonna give us
a lot of time.
767
00:42:55,500 --> 00:42:57,083
After lunch on Monday.
768
00:42:58,041 --> 00:42:59,541
Three whole days!
769
00:42:59,958 --> 00:43:00,958
Yeah!
770
00:43:02,041 --> 00:43:04,000
Can Daddy talk
with Mummy privately please?
771
00:43:04,083 --> 00:43:05,666
Oh, let's.
772
00:43:06,250 --> 00:43:07,860
We'll be right back.
773
00:43:12,625 --> 00:43:14,291
Okay. I can't do three days.
774
00:43:14,375 --> 00:43:15,375
I'm rehearsing.
775
00:43:15,458 --> 00:43:16,292
I'm sure you can get
776
00:43:16,375 --> 00:43:18,333
one of your little minions
to sort it out.
777
00:43:18,416 --> 00:43:21,375
Okay, Grace. Minions are cartoons.
Everyone knows that.
778
00:43:21,458 --> 00:43:24,250
No, no, no.
Tough, tough, tough.
779
00:43:24,333 --> 00:43:28,291
We are going to Paris
because, newsflash: we are exhausted.
780
00:43:28,375 --> 00:43:30,666
Yeah.
I only get a bonus four times a year.
781
00:43:30,750 --> 00:43:34,500
Spencer,
your bonus is $25,000 a month
782
00:43:34,583 --> 00:43:37,708
I pay her in alimony.
Grace, you cannot spring this on me.
783
00:43:37,791 --> 00:43:40,916
You haven't seen her
twice in the last two years.
784
00:43:41,666 --> 00:43:43,583
This is finally your chance.
785
00:43:43,666 --> 00:43:47,041
-I'm working.
-You're always working.
786
00:43:47,583 --> 00:43:48,916
You're a big boy.
787
00:43:49,166 --> 00:43:50,333
Figure it out.
788
00:44:06,875 --> 00:44:09,802
Well, kiddo, looks like it's
you and me for three whole days.
789
00:44:11,291 --> 00:44:13,875
-Where are we going?
-To the North, me little mucker.
790
00:44:13,958 --> 00:44:15,583
-Dad!
-I know.
791
00:44:16,041 --> 00:44:16,875
Come on.
792
00:44:32,500 --> 00:44:33,833
So this is it.
793
00:44:33,916 --> 00:44:36,125
Stoneford Theatre Royal.
794
00:44:37,416 --> 00:44:38,708
You're in a pantomime?
795
00:44:38,791 --> 00:44:40,541
Yeah. Sorry.
796
00:44:41,416 --> 00:44:43,666
What do you mean, sorry?
I love panto.
797
00:44:43,750 --> 00:44:44,750
You do?
798
00:44:45,916 --> 00:44:49,166
But why are you so young?
Is it set in the past?
799
00:44:49,750 --> 00:44:50,750
How dare you!
800
00:44:51,125 --> 00:44:52,458
Ah!
801
00:44:52,833 --> 00:44:55,370
I wanna introduce you
to a man named Albert. Come on.
802
00:44:57,000 --> 00:44:59,416
Oh, hello, Emma.
803
00:44:59,791 --> 00:45:01,416
My name's Albert.
804
00:45:01,791 --> 00:45:04,625
Yeah, well, come on in, love.
Make yourself at home.
805
00:45:05,833 --> 00:45:06,750
Thank you.
806
00:45:38,666 --> 00:45:39,500
Wow.
807
00:45:39,833 --> 00:45:41,333
Talk about a hint of colour.
808
00:45:42,708 --> 00:45:43,791
I like it.
809
00:45:45,875 --> 00:45:46,750
Yeah,
810
00:45:48,250 --> 00:45:49,958
we should probably close it up.
811
00:46:17,333 --> 00:46:20,041
Don't worry, sweetheart.
Happens wherever I go.
812
00:46:22,500 --> 00:46:24,250
Dad? It's December.
813
00:46:24,875 --> 00:46:25,875
You're right.
814
00:46:31,000 --> 00:46:31,916
Thank you.
815
00:46:32,916 --> 00:46:35,500
It's that awful man
from those dreadful films.
816
00:46:36,791 --> 00:46:39,333
-Brad. Hi.
-Gillian.
817
00:46:39,416 --> 00:46:42,041
-Jill!
-Big fan of your work.
818
00:46:42,125 --> 00:46:44,916
Oh, thank you very much.
This is my daughter Emma.
819
00:46:45,000 --> 00:46:47,541
This is my daughter Cara
and her friend Bella.
820
00:46:47,625 --> 00:46:48,958
-Hiya.
-Hi.
821
00:46:49,041 --> 00:46:50,792
Do you wanna go
and grab hot chocolates?
822
00:46:50,875 --> 00:46:53,333
-Yeah, sure. Dad?
-Yeah, of course.
823
00:46:53,416 --> 00:46:54,977
-I'll catch up.
-Great. Let's go.
824
00:46:55,833 --> 00:46:57,250
Jill. Can I have a word?
825
00:46:57,333 --> 00:47:00,166
So Emma's here all weekend, right?
But we're rehearsing.
826
00:47:00,250 --> 00:47:03,291
And I'm really scared
she's just gonna be so bored.
827
00:47:03,791 --> 00:47:06,083
Don't worry.
Cara can look out for her.
828
00:47:06,333 --> 00:47:08,041
-Really?
-Yeah.
829
00:47:08,125 --> 00:47:09,958
She can hang out
with all the kids backstage
830
00:47:10,041 --> 00:47:13,208
and then we'll get her on the stage
for that big ballroom scene.
831
00:47:13,708 --> 00:47:17,041
Oh, my God. That sounds fantastic.
You are a lifesaver.
832
00:47:17,500 --> 00:47:18,333
Whoa.
833
00:47:21,125 --> 00:47:23,500
Actually, Brad,
I have a favour to ask you.
834
00:47:23,583 --> 00:47:24,833
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
835
00:47:24,916 --> 00:47:27,125
On Monday,
the school's holding an event.
836
00:47:27,666 --> 00:47:29,333
The choir will be singing carols.
837
00:47:29,416 --> 00:47:32,291
-There's a tombola.
-Is that like Ebola?
838
00:47:32,500 --> 00:47:34,666
Not quite. One's an African disease.
839
00:47:34,916 --> 00:47:38,000
Erm, then there'll be
a prize-giving, like, fun things,
840
00:47:38,083 --> 00:47:39,708
like Best Christmas jumper.
841
00:47:39,791 --> 00:47:40,708
What?
842
00:47:41,791 --> 00:47:43,750
Oh, no, jumper means sweater.
843
00:47:44,291 --> 00:47:45,458
Oh, thank God.
844
00:47:45,958 --> 00:47:48,833
Little dark for Christmas, right?
Aha. Splat.
845
00:47:49,291 --> 00:47:53,000
So we were hoping someone real famous
might wanna hand out the prizes.
846
00:47:53,500 --> 00:47:55,375
Yeah, I'll do it. What's the fee?
847
00:47:55,875 --> 00:47:57,875
Er, cup of tea and a bourbon.
848
00:47:58,000 --> 00:48:01,125
Huh. You're cute.
I don't drink when I work.
849
00:48:01,208 --> 00:48:04,041
Hot nuts. Come and get your hot nuts!
850
00:48:04,125 --> 00:48:07,916
-Nigel. Don't you sleep?
-Of course not, mate. On the house.
851
00:48:08,250 --> 00:48:10,041
-Thank you.
-Hot nuts.
852
00:48:10,125 --> 00:48:12,416
Warm your hands on me hot nuts.
853
00:48:15,791 --> 00:48:19,833
One and two and three
and four and five.
854
00:48:19,916 --> 00:48:21,083
-Ah.
-Okay. Stop.
855
00:48:21,166 --> 00:48:24,833
Stop. I want Prince Charming,
but it's a bit Prince Alarming.
856
00:48:24,916 --> 00:48:28,833
Sorry, Izzy. Got two left feet.
Toned feet, but...
857
00:48:28,916 --> 00:48:30,666
No, it's me. Really.
858
00:48:30,750 --> 00:48:32,083
Callum, do you mind?
859
00:48:33,125 --> 00:48:34,375
Jill, may I?
860
00:48:36,458 --> 00:48:39,791
-From the top.
-Right. Okay. Watch and learn.
861
00:49:11,416 --> 00:49:12,416
Oh.
862
00:49:43,708 --> 00:49:45,166
Bravo, Jill!
863
00:49:45,250 --> 00:49:47,708
Brenda, please.
I wasn't even warmed up.
864
00:49:47,791 --> 00:49:50,416
All right, my darlings.
Back to the top.
865
00:49:57,250 --> 00:50:00,125
♪ Keep the snow and sleigh rides ♪
866
00:50:00,583 --> 00:50:02,083
Come on, let's go!
867
00:50:03,708 --> 00:50:06,708
♪ Keep the gifts beneath the tree ♪
868
00:50:08,083 --> 00:50:10,333
Oh, this is the best casting!
869
00:50:11,500 --> 00:50:13,000
Come on, hurry up!
870
00:50:13,166 --> 00:50:14,750
-Jill.
-Thanks, Richard.
871
00:50:18,916 --> 00:50:21,708
Yeah, come on! Let's go!
872
00:50:24,125 --> 00:50:26,916
♪ 'Cause all I ever wanted ♪
873
00:50:27,250 --> 00:50:29,416
♪ Was nothing I got ♪
874
00:50:29,500 --> 00:50:35,458
♪ And Santa, can't you hear me? ♪
875
00:50:36,333 --> 00:50:40,208
♪ Oh-oh, oh, oh-oh, oh ♪
876
00:50:40,291 --> 00:50:45,000
♪ I don't need a thing ♪
877
00:50:45,250 --> 00:50:48,125
♪ I sent a letter to you ♪
878
00:50:48,208 --> 00:50:53,208
♪ On how to make my dreams come true,
Yeah, yeah ♪
879
00:50:53,291 --> 00:50:57,916
♪ What I want for Christmas ♪
880
00:50:58,000 --> 00:51:01,250
♪ Hasn't come and I've been so blue ♪
881
00:51:01,333 --> 00:51:06,000
♪ Tell me, what can I do? Oh, yeah ♪
882
00:51:06,250 --> 00:51:09,291
♪ Keep the mistletoe ♪
883
00:51:09,375 --> 00:51:11,375
♪ Keep the mistletoe ♪
884
00:51:11,458 --> 00:51:15,208
♪ Unless below is what I need ♪
885
00:51:15,291 --> 00:51:17,166
♪ What I need ♪
886
00:51:17,250 --> 00:51:20,750
♪ Santa, can't you hear me? ♪
887
00:51:20,833 --> 00:51:24,916
♪ Santa, can't you hear me? ♪
888
00:51:26,500 --> 00:51:28,041
Yes!
889
00:51:33,666 --> 00:51:34,833
You was amazing today.
890
00:51:35,125 --> 00:51:36,125
You were too.
891
00:51:36,833 --> 00:51:39,375
Can I buy you a drink?
892
00:51:40,541 --> 00:51:41,375
Sure.
893
00:51:43,041 --> 00:51:43,875
Great.
894
00:51:57,666 --> 00:51:58,791
Good morning, Albert.
895
00:51:59,666 --> 00:52:01,041
Yeah. Morning, Brad.
896
00:52:01,416 --> 00:52:03,166
How's young Emma doing?
897
00:52:04,250 --> 00:52:07,250
She's good, thank you. I think
she's really enjoying herself.
898
00:52:07,333 --> 00:52:09,375
-Ah.
-She'll be down in a minute.
899
00:52:09,541 --> 00:52:12,166
-May I?
-Yeah, of course. Yes, of course.
900
00:52:14,666 --> 00:52:15,500
Wow.
901
00:52:21,666 --> 00:52:24,166
-Albert, can I ask you a question?
-Yeah.
902
00:52:25,000 --> 00:52:27,166
When did she pass?
903
00:52:27,250 --> 00:52:29,494
Your wife?
Emma and I saw the dresses upstairs.
904
00:52:30,833 --> 00:52:34,750
My husband passed nine years ago.
905
00:52:35,791 --> 00:52:39,583
New Year's Eve, in fact. On stage.
906
00:52:41,541 --> 00:52:44,416
Malcolm and I were pantomime dames.
907
00:52:44,875 --> 00:52:46,458
Rivals at first.
908
00:52:47,583 --> 00:52:50,958
But, er, 1979...
909
00:52:51,708 --> 00:52:54,125
we got asked to work together.
910
00:52:54,708 --> 00:52:57,791
Cinderella,Oldham Coliseum.
911
00:52:58,666 --> 00:53:01,083
He was a cocky little thing.
912
00:53:01,541 --> 00:53:03,583
I suppose that's why I liked him.
913
00:53:04,333 --> 00:53:06,625
Cheeky, like you.
914
00:53:07,583 --> 00:53:09,458
We toured every year.
915
00:53:10,500 --> 00:53:12,375
Made all our own frocks.
916
00:53:15,000 --> 00:53:16,333
Birmingham.
917
00:53:16,750 --> 00:53:17,916
Newcastle.
918
00:53:18,000 --> 00:53:19,166
Hull.
919
00:53:19,791 --> 00:53:20,958
Nottingham.
920
00:53:22,250 --> 00:53:24,541
Until 1992.
921
00:53:24,625 --> 00:53:26,458
What made you stay in Stoneford?
922
00:53:27,291 --> 00:53:31,416
Oh, we were so damn popular,
they put us in every year.
923
00:53:31,500 --> 00:53:35,291
Most pantomimes have
one dame, you see?
924
00:53:35,625 --> 00:53:38,875
But here, there were always two.
925
00:53:40,000 --> 00:53:44,791
And people in the town,
oh, God, they loved us.
926
00:53:44,875 --> 00:53:46,916
We couldn't go anywhere.
927
00:53:47,000 --> 00:53:49,583
Year round, autographs.
928
00:53:49,666 --> 00:53:51,750
Then selfies.
929
00:53:52,291 --> 00:53:55,541
The Stoneford Christmas lights.
930
00:53:57,291 --> 00:53:59,000
Until that Christmas.
931
00:54:06,541 --> 00:54:08,291
Last show of the year.
932
00:54:09,250 --> 00:54:10,666
Poor Malcolm.
933
00:54:11,708 --> 00:54:13,666
As the final curtain fell,
934
00:54:14,333 --> 00:54:17,041
he was out like a light himself.
935
00:54:19,875 --> 00:54:21,916
I never went on stage again.
936
00:54:24,375 --> 00:54:26,041
Albert, I'm so sorry.
937
00:54:30,416 --> 00:54:33,708
Why do you work the stage door?
You don't need the money.
938
00:54:34,375 --> 00:54:37,291
Theatre's not about money, lad.
939
00:54:38,291 --> 00:54:42,250
Theatre's about love,
passion, people.
940
00:54:45,291 --> 00:54:47,500
I devoted my whole life to it,
941
00:54:49,375 --> 00:54:54,416
and I haven't regretted it
for one single moment.
942
00:54:57,208 --> 00:54:59,083
Come on, Dad.
Let's get you to rehearsals.
943
00:54:59,166 --> 00:55:00,250
Good morning, Albert.
944
00:55:00,750 --> 00:55:02,833
Good morning, my dear.
945
00:55:03,375 --> 00:55:04,625
Thank you, Albert.
946
00:55:08,083 --> 00:55:09,000
Thank you.
947
00:55:09,166 --> 00:55:10,083
Take care.
948
00:55:18,250 --> 00:55:20,333
You are a complete
waste of space, Buttons.
949
00:55:20,458 --> 00:55:22,291
I have no idea why we pay you.
950
00:55:22,375 --> 00:55:24,042
But you don't pay me, Baron Hardup.
951
00:55:24,125 --> 00:55:25,417
That's because I am hard up.
952
00:55:25,500 --> 00:55:26,915
Oh, matron.
953
00:55:27,125 --> 00:55:30,208
Yeah. Why do you need money
anyway, Buttons?
954
00:55:30,291 --> 00:55:34,333
-Yeah, that's right.
-The only need is me!
955
00:55:34,583 --> 00:55:35,500
What?
956
00:55:35,583 --> 00:55:37,625
Why else would you be
killing time in panto land?
957
00:55:37,708 --> 00:55:39,750
Yeah, we're not
in Hollywood now, are we, Buttons?
958
00:55:39,833 --> 00:55:42,166
Yeah, that's right.
Has anyone seen your career?
959
00:55:42,291 --> 00:55:44,000
It's behind you.
960
00:55:44,083 --> 00:55:45,583
Why are you saying that? Stop it.
961
00:55:45,666 --> 00:55:48,041
Oh, no, darling.
It's just topical jokes.
962
00:55:48,125 --> 00:55:50,167
It's the same
with the star turn in every panto.
963
00:55:50,250 --> 00:55:51,667
Just a little light ribbing, dear.
964
00:55:51,750 --> 00:55:54,208
Well, I'm proud of those films,
okay? So you can take that out now.
965
00:55:54,291 --> 00:55:55,708
What are you gonna do? Quit?
966
00:55:55,791 --> 00:55:57,666
I don't think so, ducky.
967
00:55:58,666 --> 00:56:00,750
Oh, that's right.
Swan off to your agent.
968
00:56:00,833 --> 00:56:03,500
What agent?
969
00:56:03,750 --> 00:56:04,666
Oh, he's gone.
970
00:56:08,500 --> 00:56:10,875
Oh, Mr Mac. Mr Mac?
971
00:56:10,958 --> 00:56:12,958
-Sign out, Mr Mac.
-Wait!
972
00:56:14,125 --> 00:56:16,291
Miss Mac. Er... Miss Mac! Uh...
973
00:56:25,166 --> 00:56:26,000
Dad.
974
00:56:27,125 --> 00:56:29,458
Emma, please just go back inside.
Okay?
975
00:56:29,541 --> 00:56:32,175
No. I'm starting to think
that Mum was right about you.
976
00:56:32,625 --> 00:56:34,208
All you care about is yourself.
977
00:56:34,291 --> 00:56:35,333
What?
978
00:56:35,416 --> 00:56:37,221
She says you keep trying to run away.
979
00:56:37,791 --> 00:56:40,416
I didn't really understand until now.
980
00:56:40,500 --> 00:56:42,875
That's not true, okay?
And it's not fair.
981
00:56:42,958 --> 00:56:44,458
Come back in, okay?
982
00:56:45,041 --> 00:56:47,375
For me, please.
983
00:57:02,625 --> 00:57:03,458
Hey.
984
00:57:05,458 --> 00:57:06,291
Ah.
985
00:57:08,291 --> 00:57:11,071
I really want to thank you
for making me come back inside.
986
00:57:11,708 --> 00:57:14,958
You know,
I wanna do this play because of you
987
00:57:15,416 --> 00:57:17,166
and I think I really had fun.
988
00:57:17,250 --> 00:57:18,666
You were really good, Dad.
989
00:57:18,875 --> 00:57:19,875
Thank you.
990
00:57:20,166 --> 00:57:22,458
Salted caramel surprise?
991
00:57:22,666 --> 00:57:24,125
What's the surprise?
992
00:57:24,208 --> 00:57:26,583
Erm, soft in the centre.
993
00:57:26,666 --> 00:57:27,958
Ha ha ha.
994
00:57:29,208 --> 00:57:32,292
Maybe they could go a little easier
on me with the jokes about my career.
995
00:57:32,375 --> 00:57:33,708
They were really funny.
996
00:57:35,666 --> 00:57:38,625
I might be
being oversensitive about this,
997
00:57:38,708 --> 00:57:41,375
but I just don't think
that I'm ready to start joking
998
00:57:41,458 --> 00:57:43,541
about the career I'm about to lose.
999
00:57:43,625 --> 00:57:45,235
What are you talking about, Brad?
1000
00:57:45,458 --> 00:57:47,958
The jokes only work
because you are a star.
1001
00:57:48,791 --> 00:57:49,958
It's a thing we do in England.
1002
00:57:50,041 --> 00:57:51,625
It's called taking the piss.
1003
00:57:52,291 --> 00:57:55,166
Now come on, it's time
for the school prize-giving.
1004
00:57:55,250 --> 00:57:57,791
Not quite the Oscars,
but we should get going.
1005
00:57:58,083 --> 00:57:58,916
You ready?
1006
00:58:01,000 --> 00:58:04,041
♪ Deck the halls
With boughs of holly ♪
1007
00:58:04,125 --> 00:58:06,958
♪ Fa la la la la la, la la la ♪
1008
00:58:21,458 --> 00:58:24,666
Mr Mac, this is an honour.
1009
00:58:24,833 --> 00:58:26,791
Martin. The head.
1010
00:58:26,875 --> 00:58:27,708
Pleasure.
1011
00:58:27,791 --> 00:58:29,041
-Mulled wine.
-Actually...
1012
00:58:29,125 --> 00:58:31,083
It's a British tradition, Mr Mac.
1013
00:58:31,541 --> 00:58:34,166
Well, German. But still.
1014
00:58:34,708 --> 00:58:36,583
Hey, Cara.
Why don't you show Emma around.
1015
00:58:36,666 --> 00:58:37,500
Thank you.
1016
00:58:39,333 --> 00:58:40,541
Gonna earn my keep.
1017
00:58:41,416 --> 00:58:42,250
Good luck.
1018
00:58:43,125 --> 00:58:45,666
Hello, Stoneford!
1019
00:58:48,083 --> 00:58:51,875
Today I'd like to welcome
Hollywood actor Brad Mac...
1020
00:58:51,958 --> 00:58:54,041
...who is here
1021
00:58:54,125 --> 00:58:55,875
to present our Christmas awards.
1022
00:58:58,750 --> 00:59:00,208
Now, it's so important
1023
00:59:00,291 --> 00:59:03,708
that children be inspired
by the theatre.
1024
00:59:04,333 --> 00:59:07,458
That's why our students take
their annual trip to London
1025
00:59:07,541 --> 00:59:11,500
to see the best theatre
this country has to offer.
1026
00:59:12,208 --> 00:59:15,333
Macbethat Shakespeare's Globe.
1027
00:59:16,041 --> 00:59:16,916
Emma.
1028
00:59:18,708 --> 00:59:21,916
Still, if you're looking
for something a little more fun
1029
00:59:22,000 --> 00:59:24,250
this Christmas,
be sure to catch Mr Mac
1030
00:59:24,333 --> 00:59:27,041
in Stoneford's Christmas pantomime.
1031
00:59:29,208 --> 00:59:31,708
Now, shall we get
the prize-giving underway?
1032
00:59:34,583 --> 00:59:37,791
Let's get things started
with this year's highly coveted prize
1033
00:59:37,875 --> 00:59:39,375
for most improved attendance.
1034
00:59:39,458 --> 00:59:41,583
-And the winner is...
-Where's my daughter?
1035
00:59:41,666 --> 00:59:42,583
Grace?
1036
00:59:43,583 --> 00:59:45,458
Emma's around here somewhere.
1037
00:59:45,541 --> 00:59:47,125
-Jill.
-Who? Who's Jill?
1038
00:59:47,291 --> 00:59:48,958
Because she was meant
to be home at 12 o'clock
1039
00:59:49,041 --> 00:59:51,167
and your phone is off
and it's half past three.
1040
00:59:51,250 --> 00:59:53,000
-I was rehearsing.
-Because the hotel said you'd left
1041
00:59:53,083 --> 00:59:54,458
and I can't get a hold of your agent
1042
00:59:54,541 --> 00:59:56,250
because it turns out
you don't have an agent any more.
1043
00:59:56,333 --> 00:59:59,208
-Mum.
-Oh, darling. Oh, sweetheart.
1044
00:59:59,291 --> 01:00:01,458
Oh, okay.
1045
01:00:01,750 --> 01:00:03,250
Sweetheart,
we're gonna go to London now.
1046
01:00:03,333 --> 01:00:04,699
Grace, please don't do this.
1047
01:00:05,083 --> 01:00:06,917
We're having
such a good time, right, Em?
1048
01:00:07,000 --> 01:00:10,208
-I'm going to be in the pantomime.
-No, no, no, no.
1049
01:00:10,291 --> 01:00:11,875
That's not
something to be proud of, Em.
1050
01:00:11,958 --> 01:00:14,042
What is it we say about pantomimes,
Spencer? What's the...
1051
01:00:14,125 --> 01:00:15,583
Lowest common
denominator entertainment.
1052
01:00:15,666 --> 01:00:17,333
Well, that's not true.
They're hugely popular.
1053
01:00:17,416 --> 01:00:19,333
That's good you're popular somewhere,
eh, Brad?
1054
01:00:19,416 --> 01:00:20,875
Come on, let's go.
1055
01:00:20,958 --> 01:00:22,250
I don't want to.
1056
01:00:22,333 --> 01:00:23,375
I'm sorry?
1057
01:00:24,416 --> 01:00:25,587
I want to stay with Dad.
1058
01:00:26,541 --> 01:00:28,708
Your father abandoned you, Emma.
1059
01:00:29,125 --> 01:00:32,208
So he could stay in Hollywood
and make sequel after sequel,
1060
01:00:32,291 --> 01:00:34,833
and buy orchid after orchid.
1061
01:00:36,250 --> 01:00:37,333
He promised.
1062
01:00:37,416 --> 01:00:40,083
But your father makes
a lot of promises, Emma.
1063
01:00:41,166 --> 01:00:43,750
Promises he always breaks.
1064
01:00:44,875 --> 01:00:49,166
So, no,
you will not be in the pantomime.
1065
01:00:49,666 --> 01:00:52,446
He probably won't even make it
to opening night, will you?
1066
01:00:52,875 --> 01:00:53,958
So, come on, let's go.
1067
01:00:54,041 --> 01:00:55,833
Grace, please just stop.
1068
01:00:55,916 --> 01:00:57,500
This is not fair.
1069
01:00:57,583 --> 01:01:00,333
We both agreed Emma would stay
with you because you told me
1070
01:01:00,416 --> 01:01:02,125
that's what was best for her,
1071
01:01:02,416 --> 01:01:04,917
and now I'm just starting to think
that that's what's best for you.
1072
01:01:05,000 --> 01:01:08,041
I get it. I've been a bad dad. Okay?
1073
01:01:08,125 --> 01:01:13,458
Thoughtless, selfish.
Emma, I promise that stops now.
1074
01:01:14,375 --> 01:01:16,375
I will never run away from you again.
1075
01:01:18,458 --> 01:01:20,375
Most improved attendance.
1076
01:01:22,041 --> 01:01:22,875
It's ironic.
1077
01:01:29,958 --> 01:01:30,958
Mr Mac.
1078
01:01:35,125 --> 01:01:38,791
-Rachel McDonald.
-She's not here.
1079
01:01:39,083 --> 01:01:40,000
Not again.
1080
01:01:58,708 --> 01:01:59,791
How are you?
1081
01:02:02,458 --> 01:02:03,375
Read that.
1082
01:02:06,125 --> 01:02:09,625
'From Hero to Zero.
Washed-up B-list movie star
1083
01:02:09,708 --> 01:02:11,958
ends career with not a bang,
but a whimper.'
1084
01:02:13,708 --> 01:02:15,125
Where did this come from?
1085
01:02:15,583 --> 01:02:19,416
My ex-agent didn't like
the good press that I was getting,
1086
01:02:19,500 --> 01:02:22,416
so she gave them
an alternative narrative.
1087
01:02:25,000 --> 01:02:29,041
I was hoping that coming here
would change my life and boy has it,
1088
01:02:29,208 --> 01:02:30,458
it has made it worse.
1089
01:02:31,583 --> 01:02:34,000
Come on, cheer up.
1090
01:02:34,083 --> 01:02:35,625
Things will get better.
1091
01:02:35,875 --> 01:02:39,333
No, not for me. Not here. I'm done.
1092
01:02:39,416 --> 01:02:41,750
I'm going home.
I don't care what it costs.
1093
01:02:43,083 --> 01:02:44,250
And what about us?
1094
01:02:45,208 --> 01:02:48,458
This is our life here, Brad.
This is who we are.
1095
01:02:49,291 --> 01:02:51,208
If you run away
and leave us in the lurch,
1096
01:02:51,291 --> 01:02:53,042
we are the ones
who end up paying the price.
1097
01:02:53,125 --> 01:02:55,041
I'm being humiliated, Jill.
1098
01:02:57,750 --> 01:03:00,708
But look at Albert on stage door
putting you up for nowt.
1099
01:03:01,291 --> 01:03:05,000
Cassandra, holding your hand
through every step of the process.
1100
01:03:05,375 --> 01:03:08,458
And then me. Muggins...
1101
01:03:08,625 --> 01:03:10,041
Along for the ride.
1102
01:03:12,875 --> 01:03:13,958
Okay. Forget it.
1103
01:03:14,916 --> 01:03:16,583
Because it's all about you, Brad.
1104
01:03:17,083 --> 01:03:18,791
'Cause that's how it's always been.
1105
01:03:19,500 --> 01:03:20,750
Your wife's right.
1106
01:03:21,208 --> 01:03:22,208
Ex-wife.
1107
01:03:22,500 --> 01:03:24,250
Yeah. I'm not surprised.
1108
01:03:30,458 --> 01:03:32,541
Bar person, one more for the road.
1109
01:03:37,500 --> 01:03:40,208
Oh, where's Nigel?
1110
01:03:40,583 --> 01:03:41,750
It's his day off.
1111
01:03:41,833 --> 01:03:42,666
Oh.
1112
01:03:43,250 --> 01:03:46,083
Only joking.
1113
01:03:46,166 --> 01:03:47,875
As if I'd get a day off.
1114
01:03:49,583 --> 01:03:52,375
Anyway, mate,
you wanna take it easy, yeah?
1115
01:03:52,583 --> 01:03:54,625
You gotta turn on
the Christmas lights.
1116
01:03:54,708 --> 01:03:56,375
What do you think I'm dressed for?
1117
01:04:08,125 --> 01:04:09,000
Hello.
1118
01:04:09,750 --> 01:04:11,000
Ich bin...
1119
01:04:11,458 --> 01:04:12,458
German.
1120
01:04:13,250 --> 01:04:14,250
Jesus.
1121
01:04:15,791 --> 01:04:18,292
Brenda, you're a connoisseur
of fine liquid entertainment.
1122
01:04:18,375 --> 01:04:22,875
The biggest turnout we've had
for a Christmas light switch on ever.
1123
01:04:24,416 --> 01:04:25,833
I think you might have had enough.
1124
01:04:25,916 --> 01:04:29,125
Welcome to the stage
the mayor of Stoneford!
1125
01:04:29,708 --> 01:04:31,166
It worked for Burton.
1126
01:04:31,250 --> 01:04:35,833
So let's give the cast
ofCinderellaa huge Stoneford wel...
1127
01:04:36,125 --> 01:04:37,708
Thank you, Mr Mayor.
1128
01:04:39,041 --> 01:04:40,250
Hello, Stoneford.
1129
01:04:40,333 --> 01:04:43,125
Oi, Buttons!
Gonna have another meltdown?
1130
01:04:43,708 --> 01:04:46,041
-Shut up, you loser.
-Ooh.
1131
01:04:46,166 --> 01:04:48,083
I'm Bradley Mac... Ow!
1132
01:04:56,333 --> 01:04:58,333
So that's how it is now.
1133
01:04:58,416 --> 01:05:00,833
I'm just a joke to you all.
1134
01:05:00,958 --> 01:05:02,291
Spiderman's here.
1135
01:05:02,833 --> 01:05:03,666
Okay.
1136
01:05:06,791 --> 01:05:09,958
-How's this for laughs?
-Whoa!
1137
01:05:10,041 --> 01:05:11,291
I can be funny.
1138
01:05:12,083 --> 01:05:13,500
Son of a bitch!
1139
01:05:13,583 --> 01:05:15,041
I can be the clown.
1140
01:05:15,166 --> 01:05:16,000
You're fired.
1141
01:05:17,125 --> 01:05:20,916
It seems like the only thing
I can't be is... a good actor.
1142
01:05:21,000 --> 01:05:22,875
-Something like that?
-We're screwed.
1143
01:05:23,291 --> 01:05:24,833
Good father.
1144
01:05:24,916 --> 01:05:28,333
You are literally first in line
for worst parent of the year award.
1145
01:05:28,916 --> 01:05:30,916
Even a good person.
1146
01:05:31,000 --> 01:05:31,875
But he promised.
1147
01:05:31,958 --> 01:05:34,875
But your father makes
a lot of promises, Emma.
1148
01:05:35,125 --> 01:05:37,208
Promises he always breaks.
1149
01:05:38,458 --> 01:05:41,958
-Anyone seen your career?
-It's behind you.
1150
01:05:42,041 --> 01:05:44,958
What are you looking at?
What are you looking at?!
1151
01:05:49,416 --> 01:05:52,541
You want a villain?
I'll be your villain.
1152
01:05:53,166 --> 01:05:54,166
Yeah.
1153
01:05:55,625 --> 01:05:56,708
Here's this.
1154
01:05:59,541 --> 01:06:00,875
Merry Christmas.
1155
01:06:07,958 --> 01:06:09,208
Aargh!
1156
01:06:21,291 --> 01:06:23,833
Mr Mac. You are under arrest.
1157
01:06:24,333 --> 01:06:27,375
And before you ask, yep,
community police officer.
1158
01:06:28,333 --> 01:06:29,875
Help me up.
1159
01:06:30,166 --> 01:06:31,875
Yeah.
1160
01:06:32,666 --> 01:06:33,750
Mr Mac.
1161
01:06:35,583 --> 01:06:37,500
I'm up. I'm up.
1162
01:06:40,791 --> 01:06:42,833
I need to talk to my lawyer.
1163
01:06:43,041 --> 01:06:45,625
They've been contacted. And they want
you to know they're on the way.
1164
01:06:45,708 --> 01:06:47,500
When are they getting here?
1165
01:06:48,125 --> 01:06:49,208
No idea.
1166
01:06:54,083 --> 01:06:56,541
Er, listen, do you mind
if I have a selfie?
1167
01:06:59,125 --> 01:06:59,958
Sure.
1168
01:07:00,041 --> 01:07:00,875
Cheers.
1169
01:07:03,583 --> 01:07:06,916
Oh... Smile.
1170
01:07:07,083 --> 01:07:08,000
Cheers.
1171
01:07:10,708 --> 01:07:11,708
Are you all right?
1172
01:07:14,000 --> 01:07:14,833
No.
1173
01:07:17,166 --> 01:07:19,708
Yesterday I had everything.
1174
01:07:19,958 --> 01:07:21,500
Friends, a job.
1175
01:07:22,958 --> 01:07:24,500
My daughter loved me.
1176
01:07:25,250 --> 01:07:28,250
And I screwed it all up.
1177
01:07:30,708 --> 01:07:32,250
What's gonna happen now?
1178
01:07:32,791 --> 01:07:35,458
Well, you're up in front
of the magistrates Wednesday morning,
1179
01:07:35,541 --> 01:07:38,333
and normally you'd remain
in police custody until then.
1180
01:07:38,708 --> 01:07:41,041
However, on this occasion,
1181
01:07:41,125 --> 01:07:44,625
a respectable member of the community
has come forward and vouched for you,
1182
01:07:44,708 --> 01:07:47,791
so we're happy to release you
into their care until the hearing.
1183
01:07:49,916 --> 01:07:52,500
A respectable member
of the community?
1184
01:07:52,583 --> 01:07:53,416
Yeah.
1185
01:08:02,166 --> 01:08:05,166
Hey, sorry
about what I said at the pub.
1186
01:08:05,250 --> 01:08:08,416
Well, you're probably right.
Whatever it is you said.
1187
01:08:09,000 --> 01:08:10,000
Officer.
1188
01:08:11,750 --> 01:08:12,750
Downstairs.
1189
01:08:14,208 --> 01:08:15,583
I'll make us a brew.
1190
01:08:16,000 --> 01:08:17,750
Oh...
1191
01:08:18,875 --> 01:08:20,500
I was so stupid.
1192
01:08:21,083 --> 01:08:23,916
When Grace took her away,
the way she looked at me.
1193
01:08:24,458 --> 01:08:26,708
I'll never get it outta my head.
She was so disappointed.
1194
01:08:26,791 --> 01:08:28,875
She'll understand. In time.
1195
01:08:28,958 --> 01:08:31,708
That's the thing.
With Emma, I'm running out of time.
1196
01:08:31,791 --> 01:08:33,375
If I'm convicted and I get a record,
1197
01:08:33,458 --> 01:08:34,667
they won't let me
back in the country.
1198
01:08:34,750 --> 01:08:36,750
It'll be years
before I can see her again.
1199
01:08:36,958 --> 01:08:39,916
I'm spiralling downward
and I don't know why.
1200
01:08:41,083 --> 01:08:44,291
'Cause this pantomime,
with Albert and... and Emma,
1201
01:08:44,375 --> 01:08:47,208
even the ugly sisters,
1202
01:08:47,708 --> 01:08:49,666
this is the best time I've ever had
1203
01:08:50,625 --> 01:08:52,000
and it's 'cause of you.
1204
01:08:56,333 --> 01:08:57,250
Thanks.
1205
01:08:59,291 --> 01:09:00,875
Cara. Cara!
1206
01:09:00,958 --> 01:09:01,958
She's out.
1207
01:09:02,375 --> 01:09:04,500
You're not supposed
to have a key, Kieran.
1208
01:09:05,083 --> 01:09:07,181
I just wanna see my daughter, Jill.
1209
01:09:07,416 --> 01:09:09,166
Well, she's not here,
1210
01:09:09,250 --> 01:09:10,375
so you gotta leave.
1211
01:09:11,500 --> 01:09:12,708
Got him here with you?
1212
01:09:13,833 --> 01:09:15,333
It's not what you think.
1213
01:09:15,416 --> 01:09:17,416
Since when do you care
about what I think?
1214
01:09:18,750 --> 01:09:20,417
I wanna take Carla
down to London with me.
1215
01:09:20,500 --> 01:09:23,208
No, the pantomime is opening
tomorrow night.
1216
01:09:23,291 --> 01:09:25,541
-You promised.
-Yeah.
1217
01:09:25,625 --> 01:09:27,125
That was when your head was straight
1218
01:09:27,208 --> 01:09:29,257
and not full
of all this Hollywood rubbish.
1219
01:09:29,583 --> 01:09:31,166
She's my daughter as well, Jill.
1220
01:09:31,958 --> 01:09:33,666
She's my daughter as well.
1221
01:09:41,500 --> 01:09:45,166
Only days ago I was standing
outside Stoneford Theatre Royal.
1222
01:09:45,250 --> 01:09:48,750
But there's a rather different stage
set for today; Stoneford Courthouse,
1223
01:09:48,833 --> 01:09:50,541
{\an8}where the fate of Brad Mac
1224
01:09:50,625 --> 01:09:52,875
{\an8}and the local pantomime
will be decided.
1225
01:09:54,250 --> 01:09:56,750
Sweetheart, you sure
you're not gonna join us?
1226
01:09:57,833 --> 01:10:01,166
I don't think I can face it
and I have to fetch Cara from ballet.
1227
01:10:01,250 --> 01:10:04,208
-So I'll just meet you here later.
-What if Brad goes down?
1228
01:10:04,750 --> 01:10:07,083
Then you'll have to get
Pierce Brosnan on the phone.
1229
01:10:07,166 --> 01:10:08,208
Hm... mh.
1230
01:10:08,583 --> 01:10:10,833
Hm, alright, darling, see you later.
1231
01:10:11,833 --> 01:10:14,291
{\an8}Brad's fearsome legal team
flew in overnight
1232
01:10:14,375 --> 01:10:16,666
on an actual private jet
from Hollywood.
1233
01:10:16,750 --> 01:10:20,750
That's right, carbon destroyers,
but hopefully not career destroyers.
1234
01:10:20,833 --> 01:10:22,083
Back to you in the studio.
1235
01:10:41,416 --> 01:10:43,791
We got this, Brad. Fear not.
1236
01:10:43,958 --> 01:10:48,500
You know I'm the best defence lawyer
in California. I'm also the cheapest.
1237
01:10:49,791 --> 01:10:51,833
-Really?
-Oh, no, no.
1238
01:10:51,916 --> 01:10:54,166
I'm just making a joke
to lighten things up.
1239
01:10:59,333 --> 01:11:00,250
All rise.
1240
01:11:01,166 --> 01:11:03,166
Will the defendant please stand.
1241
01:11:08,125 --> 01:11:11,291
Mr Theobald Washington,
you have been charged...
1242
01:11:11,375 --> 01:11:12,208
Objection.
1243
01:11:12,625 --> 01:11:14,625
Who the hell is Theobald Washington?
1244
01:11:14,708 --> 01:11:15,750
That's my real name.
1245
01:11:15,875 --> 01:11:16,958
Theobald.
1246
01:11:17,833 --> 01:11:18,666
For real?
1247
01:11:18,875 --> 01:11:20,541
You chose Brad Mac?
1248
01:11:20,666 --> 01:11:22,583
I chose Bradley Apollo McDonald.
1249
01:11:22,958 --> 01:11:23,791
Oh.
1250
01:11:24,375 --> 01:11:26,000
Carry on, Basil.
1251
01:11:26,083 --> 01:11:29,500
...with the destruction
of city property and being drunk
1252
01:11:29,583 --> 01:11:31,041
and disorderly in public.
1253
01:11:31,666 --> 01:11:32,833
How do you plead?
1254
01:11:33,166 --> 01:11:36,625
Not guilty.
1255
01:11:36,708 --> 01:11:38,041
Well done, Brad!
1256
01:11:40,333 --> 01:11:42,791
Silence!
1257
01:11:43,875 --> 01:11:44,791
Thank you.
1258
01:11:45,291 --> 01:11:48,916
Your Honour,
my name is Sukie Huntington III
1259
01:11:49,000 --> 01:11:50,750
from the Los Angeles law firm
1260
01:11:50,833 --> 01:11:54,458
Brown, Johnson, Klein, Robinson,
Ashwell, Lopez, and...
1261
01:11:56,125 --> 01:11:59,083
erm, oh, yeah, me, Huntington.
1262
01:12:00,500 --> 01:12:01,333
Proceed.
1263
01:12:01,416 --> 01:12:03,375
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury...
1264
01:12:03,458 --> 01:12:06,000
Er, this is a magistrate court,
Miss Huntington.
1265
01:12:06,291 --> 01:12:07,375
There's no jury.
1266
01:12:07,625 --> 01:12:10,041
It's Ms. I'm divorced.
1267
01:12:11,125 --> 01:12:14,875
Just like this court.
Divorced from reality.
1268
01:12:15,291 --> 01:12:18,458
For my client has
numerous mitigating circumstances.
1269
01:12:18,541 --> 01:12:21,791
Not only is he a celebrity,
1270
01:12:21,875 --> 01:12:24,458
he is also a member of a minority.
1271
01:12:25,375 --> 01:12:27,541
Which minority are you referring to?
1272
01:12:28,166 --> 01:12:30,541
He's American, Your Honour.
1273
01:12:31,916 --> 01:12:34,833
Mr Magistrate,
can I please say a few words?
1274
01:12:34,958 --> 01:12:35,958
If you must.
1275
01:12:37,041 --> 01:12:40,208
Two weeks ago,
I didn't even know Stoneford existed.
1276
01:12:40,291 --> 01:12:42,875
And then someone will throw a plate
1277
01:12:42,958 --> 01:12:45,958
of shaving foam
directly into your face.
1278
01:12:46,041 --> 01:12:47,000
And then...
1279
01:12:47,083 --> 01:12:49,208
Mr Brosnan?
1280
01:12:50,333 --> 01:12:51,291
Mr Brosnan?
1281
01:12:51,958 --> 01:12:54,446
I certainly didn't know
what a pantomime was.
1282
01:12:54,666 --> 01:12:56,917
And, er, so to find myself
on stage playing Buttons
1283
01:12:57,000 --> 01:12:59,625
inCinderellacame as quite a shock.
1284
01:13:00,666 --> 01:13:02,916
That's not an excuse
for losing control.
1285
01:13:04,458 --> 01:13:07,125
More my attempt at an explanation.
1286
01:13:07,625 --> 01:13:09,708
You have to let him off, Your Honour.
1287
01:13:09,791 --> 01:13:14,250
The Panto needs Brad Mac.
Stoneford needs Brad Mac.
1288
01:13:14,333 --> 01:13:16,083
Don't be too hard on him,
Your Honour.
1289
01:13:16,166 --> 01:13:19,125
-Yeah, that's our job.
-Don't bang up Buttons!
1290
01:13:19,458 --> 01:13:21,583
Don't bang up Buttons!
1291
01:13:21,666 --> 01:13:23,333
Don't bang up Buttons!
1292
01:13:23,416 --> 01:13:24,875
Don't bang up Buttons!
1293
01:13:24,958 --> 01:13:26,250
Silence!
1294
01:13:26,333 --> 01:13:28,416
I've had quite enough
of this nonsense.
1295
01:13:28,500 --> 01:13:29,792
Oh, no, you haven't.
1296
01:13:29,875 --> 01:13:31,500
Oh, yes, I... have. Enough!
1297
01:13:32,833 --> 01:13:35,208
You're turning
this courtroom into a pantomime,
1298
01:13:35,291 --> 01:13:36,791
and this case into a joke.
1299
01:13:36,875 --> 01:13:38,375
Pantomime is not a joke, Your Honour.
1300
01:13:38,458 --> 01:13:39,375
Excuse me?
1301
01:13:41,541 --> 01:13:42,666
The pantomime.
1302
01:13:42,750 --> 01:13:44,041
It's not a joke.
1303
01:13:44,916 --> 01:13:48,208
The Christmas pantomime brings
entire communities together,
1304
01:13:48,291 --> 01:13:49,458
young and old.
1305
01:13:50,250 --> 01:13:52,042
For the young people,
it's probably the first time
1306
01:13:52,125 --> 01:13:53,442
they'll ever see a theatre.
1307
01:13:53,750 --> 01:13:56,958
And for the older people
in the community, like myself,
1308
01:13:58,333 --> 01:14:00,870
it gives us a chance
to reconnect with the young ones
1309
01:14:01,916 --> 01:14:03,833
through a shared smile or a laugh.
1310
01:14:04,958 --> 01:14:06,958
Besides, the Christmas pantomime
makes enough money
1311
01:14:07,041 --> 01:14:09,583
to keep Stoneford's theatre going
all year round.
1312
01:14:10,166 --> 01:14:12,167
Without the pantomime,
the theatre would probably close
1313
01:14:12,250 --> 01:14:13,500
and be gone forever.
1314
01:14:14,625 --> 01:14:15,875
Thank you, Mr Mac.
1315
01:14:16,458 --> 01:14:18,263
Can I please just say one more thing?
1316
01:14:20,416 --> 01:14:25,458
I know you think the panto is silly,
and... and in places it is, by design.
1317
01:14:27,541 --> 01:14:29,916
But I beg you to come seeCinderella,
1318
01:14:30,000 --> 01:14:32,291
not just to see
what's happening on stage,
1319
01:14:32,375 --> 01:14:35,125
but to look around
at the faces of the audience.
1320
01:14:35,791 --> 01:14:38,000
You'll see something
that's so special, so...
1321
01:14:39,333 --> 01:14:40,291
rare.
1322
01:14:41,125 --> 01:14:42,541
You'll see pure joy.
1323
01:14:44,166 --> 01:14:46,020
And at the end of the day,
Your Honour,
1324
01:14:46,125 --> 01:14:48,417
isn't that what
Christmas is supposed to be about?
1325
01:14:48,500 --> 01:14:50,083
Nice words, Mr Mac,
but shall we get back
1326
01:14:50,166 --> 01:14:51,000
to the matter in hand?
1327
01:14:51,083 --> 01:14:52,083
Yes, sir.
1328
01:14:53,000 --> 01:14:55,541
And I have no intention
of banging up Buttons.
1329
01:14:55,625 --> 01:14:56,666
I never have.
1330
01:14:56,750 --> 01:14:58,792
The crimes he's charged with
aren't even jail able.
1331
01:14:58,875 --> 01:15:02,375
-Really?
-£200.
1332
01:15:02,666 --> 01:15:04,333
Justice at last!
1333
01:15:06,041 --> 01:15:08,041
For heaven's sake, clear off.
1334
01:15:12,250 --> 01:15:14,750
My daughter, he's got my daughter!
1335
01:15:14,875 --> 01:15:16,791
Oh, no, he hasn't!
1336
01:15:17,500 --> 01:15:18,916
What is wrong with you?
1337
01:15:19,000 --> 01:15:20,958
It's Kieran. He's got Cara.
1338
01:15:21,125 --> 01:15:23,166
Jill, I'm here for you.
Whatever you need.
1339
01:15:25,083 --> 01:15:25,916
This way.
1340
01:15:26,833 --> 01:15:27,666
No, this way.
1341
01:15:27,833 --> 01:15:30,613
No, Brad. It's literally this way.
I'm tracking his phone.
1342
01:15:33,791 --> 01:15:36,000
Nigel,
we need your help to save Cara.
1343
01:15:36,083 --> 01:15:36,916
You got it, boss.
1344
01:15:38,041 --> 01:15:40,083
-Everybody in.
-Come on. Hurry up.
1345
01:15:43,916 --> 01:15:45,583
Can you go a bit faster?
1346
01:15:45,666 --> 01:15:47,129
He's heading for the motorway.
1347
01:15:49,666 --> 01:15:52,875
Emma, darling,
time for pottery class.
1348
01:15:52,958 --> 01:15:53,791
Emma?
1349
01:15:54,291 --> 01:15:55,166
Emma.
1350
01:15:55,708 --> 01:15:56,541
Emma!
1351
01:15:57,125 --> 01:15:57,958
She's gone.
1352
01:15:59,000 --> 01:16:02,875
She's gone. Spencer, get the car!
We're going to Stoneford!
1353
01:16:08,208 --> 01:16:11,708
Brad, I just wanna say
I'm very grateful you're doing this.
1354
01:16:11,791 --> 01:16:13,291
Of course, we're friends.
1355
01:16:15,083 --> 01:16:16,375
-Cara could be dead.
-Dead?
1356
01:16:16,458 --> 01:16:17,375
-Dead?
-What?
1357
01:16:17,458 --> 01:16:19,312
I thought
it was only a custody battle.
1358
01:16:19,625 --> 01:16:21,833
Somebody say custard?
1359
01:16:21,916 --> 01:16:24,000
'Cause custody. No? No.
1360
01:16:26,708 --> 01:16:28,583
We've left Cassandra behind.
1361
01:16:30,708 --> 01:16:32,625
A part in next year's pantomime.
1362
01:16:32,708 --> 01:16:33,541
Are you serious?
1363
01:16:33,625 --> 01:16:36,375
-Absolutely, darling.
-I mean, that would be wonderful.
1364
01:16:36,458 --> 01:16:38,625
I've always thought there might be
a pantomime in me.
1365
01:16:38,708 --> 01:16:40,583
And I've always thought the same...
1366
01:16:41,250 --> 01:16:42,458
-about a judge.
-Hm.
1367
01:16:45,166 --> 01:16:46,000
Mm-hmm.
1368
01:16:46,083 --> 01:16:47,166
Hm.
1369
01:16:50,000 --> 01:16:51,291
That's his car.
1370
01:17:06,208 --> 01:17:07,333
Everybody stay here.
1371
01:17:08,291 --> 01:17:09,125
Cara.
1372
01:17:10,583 --> 01:17:11,416
Cara.
1373
01:17:13,250 --> 01:17:14,083
Cara.
1374
01:17:14,916 --> 01:17:17,541
Cara! Cara! Cara!
1375
01:17:17,625 --> 01:17:19,750
What's all the shouting about?
1376
01:17:19,833 --> 01:17:21,000
Where's her daughter?
1377
01:17:21,541 --> 01:17:22,375
What do you mean?
1378
01:17:22,458 --> 01:17:24,208
Tell me where her daughter is, now.
1379
01:17:24,458 --> 01:17:25,958
What are you talking about?
1380
01:17:26,041 --> 01:17:28,334
Stop screwing around, Kieran,
or so help me God.
1381
01:17:28,833 --> 01:17:31,458
Or what?
You gonna go and get your stuntman?
1382
01:17:33,500 --> 01:17:35,416
Yah!
1383
01:17:39,250 --> 01:17:40,250
What are you doing?
1384
01:17:41,833 --> 01:17:42,791
Under arm.
1385
01:17:43,750 --> 01:17:45,708
Get him, Brad!
1386
01:17:57,791 --> 01:17:58,791
What are you doing?
1387
01:17:59,041 --> 01:18:00,250
That's humiliating.
1388
01:18:06,708 --> 01:18:07,833
-Ooh!
-Ooh!
1389
01:18:07,916 --> 01:18:08,791
Ooh!
1390
01:18:14,833 --> 01:18:15,791
Ooh!
1391
01:18:27,791 --> 01:18:30,583
-Why are we doing this?
-Because you kidnapped Cara.
1392
01:18:31,208 --> 01:18:32,525
What are you talking about?
1393
01:18:32,875 --> 01:18:34,777
I just dropped her
at the train station.
1394
01:18:35,500 --> 01:18:36,333
What?
1395
01:18:36,833 --> 01:18:38,666
Train... Where is she going?
1396
01:18:39,250 --> 01:18:42,041
Nowhere.
She said she had to meet a friend.
1397
01:18:42,250 --> 01:18:43,250
Yeah, I don't believe you.
1398
01:18:43,333 --> 01:18:45,821
I heard you tell Jill
you were taking her to London.
1399
01:18:46,291 --> 01:18:47,125
I was.
1400
01:18:48,458 --> 01:18:50,165
It's my turn to have her this year.
1401
01:18:52,583 --> 01:18:53,875
Promised her
she could do the pantomime.
1402
01:18:53,958 --> 01:18:55,714
I didn't wanna disappoint her. So...
1403
01:18:57,750 --> 01:18:59,083
I'm a crap dad to Cara
1404
01:19:00,250 --> 01:19:02,083
and I was a crap husband to Jill.
1405
01:19:02,708 --> 01:19:05,250
You're not a crap dad, okay?
1406
01:19:07,166 --> 01:19:08,250
You're there for her.
1407
01:19:09,250 --> 01:19:12,665
That's a lot better than I can say
for myself over the last five years.
1408
01:19:13,333 --> 01:19:15,166
One thing I learnt here in Stoneford,
1409
01:19:15,708 --> 01:19:17,708
life isn't gonna go
the way you want it.
1410
01:19:17,916 --> 01:19:20,458
It is what it is
and you cannot run away from it.
1411
01:19:22,541 --> 01:19:25,375
You just have to embrace it
for all its unpredictability
1412
01:19:25,458 --> 01:19:26,875
with everything you've got.
1413
01:19:32,333 --> 01:19:36,166
Well... you know,
Cara was doing the panto and...
1414
01:19:38,291 --> 01:19:40,166
I would love to see her on stage,
1415
01:19:41,083 --> 01:19:42,083
if it's okay.
1416
01:19:44,500 --> 01:19:45,458
Of course.
1417
01:19:48,083 --> 01:19:50,166
Oh, crap, we gotta go.
1418
01:19:54,708 --> 01:19:55,708
Oh...
1419
01:19:59,416 --> 01:20:02,148
Cara went to see a friend,
she'll meet us at the theatre.
1420
01:20:07,958 --> 01:20:08,791
Let's go!
1421
01:20:24,875 --> 01:20:27,000
♪ Driving home for Christmas ♪
1422
01:20:29,000 --> 01:20:32,458
♪ Oh
I can't wait to see those faces ♪
1423
01:20:35,375 --> 01:20:38,625
♪ I'm driving home for Christmas
Yeah ♪
1424
01:20:40,166 --> 01:20:42,791
♪ I'm moving down the line ♪
1425
01:20:45,583 --> 01:20:48,166
♪ It's been so long ♪
1426
01:20:49,583 --> 01:20:51,833
♪ But I will be there ♪
1427
01:20:51,916 --> 01:20:53,625
♪ I sing this song ♪
1428
01:20:55,000 --> 01:20:57,375
♪ To pass the time away ♪
1429
01:20:57,875 --> 01:21:00,250
♪ Driving in my car ♪
1430
01:21:00,791 --> 01:21:02,875
♪ Driving home for Christmas ♪
1431
01:21:06,791 --> 01:21:10,666
♪ Gonna take some time
But I'll get there ♪
1432
01:21:23,708 --> 01:21:25,541
Er, you're a big movie star, Mr Mac.
1433
01:21:25,666 --> 01:21:27,167
Isn't the role of Buttons
a small part for someone
1434
01:21:27,250 --> 01:21:28,125
of your stature?
1435
01:21:28,208 --> 01:21:29,708
Well,
I'll quote the great Stanislavski.
1436
01:21:29,791 --> 01:21:31,583
There are no small parts,
just small actors.
1437
01:21:31,666 --> 01:21:33,208
And how are you enjoying
your time in Stoneford?
1438
01:21:33,291 --> 01:21:34,166
Dad!
1439
01:21:34,791 --> 01:21:37,000
Emma! Excuse me. Sweetheart!
1440
01:21:37,208 --> 01:21:39,208
-What are you doing here?
-Mum!
1441
01:21:39,291 --> 01:21:41,042
I snuck out
of the house and took the train.
1442
01:21:41,125 --> 01:21:42,375
Cara met me at the station.
1443
01:21:42,458 --> 01:21:46,791
Oh, sweetheart, I'm so happy
to see you, but you're 12 years old.
1444
01:21:46,875 --> 01:21:49,802
You cannot take a train across
the country by yourself, okay?
1445
01:21:50,625 --> 01:21:51,833
Next time, just call me.
1446
01:21:52,416 --> 01:21:53,250
Come here.
1447
01:21:54,000 --> 01:21:56,250
I see you're getting the hang
of proper parenting.
1448
01:21:56,333 --> 01:21:57,541
Better late than never.
1449
01:21:58,000 --> 01:22:01,000
Oh, on that subject,
it's time to get into costume. Ready?
1450
01:22:01,083 --> 01:22:02,083
Show time.
1451
01:22:19,750 --> 01:22:20,916
It's my first theatre.
1452
01:22:23,833 --> 01:22:27,583
Once upon a time in a magical land...
1453
01:22:28,375 --> 01:22:30,833
Oh, that must be Buttons.
1454
01:22:31,041 --> 01:22:33,500
My oldest and dearest friend.
1455
01:22:33,583 --> 01:22:35,916
I can always rely on Buttons.
1456
01:22:38,958 --> 01:22:42,041
I said, I can always rely on Buttons!
1457
01:22:44,750 --> 01:22:46,875
-Has anyone seen...
-You'll do fine.
1458
01:22:49,125 --> 01:22:50,125
Needed the lipstick.
1459
01:22:50,750 --> 01:22:53,000
One, two, three.
1460
01:22:53,541 --> 01:22:55,333
Buttons!
1461
01:23:14,916 --> 01:23:17,541
Don't worry, mate.
She's been killing time.
1462
01:23:20,708 --> 01:23:22,000
-Cinderella.
-Hmm?
1463
01:23:22,083 --> 01:23:24,833
-I have a secret.
-A secret.
1464
01:23:24,916 --> 01:23:25,916
What is it?
1465
01:23:26,000 --> 01:23:27,667
Well, a secret's something
you tell someone
1466
01:23:27,750 --> 01:23:29,652
that you don't want
anyone else to know.
1467
01:23:30,000 --> 01:23:32,195
I'd stick to movies, mate.
1468
01:23:32,791 --> 01:23:35,166
Do yourself a favour
and shut your mouth.
1469
01:23:35,458 --> 01:23:37,875
I almost forgot my big run-up.
1470
01:23:38,125 --> 01:23:39,708
Ooh.
1471
01:23:44,416 --> 01:23:46,333
I do my own stunts now.
1472
01:23:50,416 --> 01:23:52,333
Just like the other big stars.
1473
01:23:52,583 --> 01:23:53,541
Whoo!
1474
01:24:00,083 --> 01:24:02,278
They're booing you, Fanny.
They're booing you.
1475
01:24:02,375 --> 01:24:04,833
You shan't go
to the ball, Cinderella.
1476
01:24:05,000 --> 01:24:07,916
You shan't, you shan't, you shan't.
1477
01:24:08,333 --> 01:24:10,333
Yeah, rip it, rip it.
1478
01:24:10,583 --> 01:24:13,708
All you have to do
is believe and magic will happen.
1479
01:24:17,833 --> 01:24:20,916
You shall go to the ball, Cinderella.
1480
01:24:24,375 --> 01:24:26,625
Tell you what, mate, there'll be
somebody good looking in here
1481
01:24:26,708 --> 01:24:27,917
you can have a little chat with.
1482
01:24:28,000 --> 01:24:30,583
Let's see if we can find... let's see
if we can find a good-looking fella.
1483
01:24:30,666 --> 01:24:32,500
-There'll be some in here.
-Let's have a little look
1484
01:24:32,583 --> 01:24:35,625
for a good looking fella,
we can find a good-looking fella.
1485
01:24:35,708 --> 01:24:38,208
-See if we can find a...
-Has to be a good-looking fella.
1486
01:24:38,291 --> 01:24:39,708
-A good-looking fella.
-Has to be a good-looking fella.
1487
01:24:39,791 --> 01:24:43,583
Oh, you, sir. You, sir. Can you see
any good-looking fellas in here?
1488
01:25:07,166 --> 01:25:09,708
Pop it on. The doctor says
I've got the feet of an athlete.
1489
01:25:09,791 --> 01:25:11,792
No, he said you've got
athlete's foot, it's different.
1490
01:25:13,500 --> 01:25:15,583
-Toes are curled.
-Look at those chubby feet.
1491
01:25:15,666 --> 01:25:17,417
Hey, you can't say chubby.
That's... you're fattist.
1492
01:25:17,500 --> 01:25:19,833
I think you'll find
you're the fattest.
1493
01:25:20,416 --> 01:25:22,166
Sorry about this, Your Highness.
1494
01:25:23,625 --> 01:25:26,083
-Yes!
-Oh!
1495
01:25:31,250 --> 01:25:34,500
-So we didn't get our prince.
-Never mind.
1496
01:25:34,583 --> 01:25:37,708
Who's ready for the big finale?
1497
01:25:38,250 --> 01:25:41,791
Thanks, everybody.
We'll see you later. Bye!
1498
01:25:47,166 --> 01:25:50,666
♪ I used to bite my tongue
And hold my breath ♪
1499
01:25:50,750 --> 01:25:54,500
♪ Scared to rock the boat
And make a mess ♪
1500
01:25:54,625 --> 01:25:57,458
♪ So I sat quietly ♪
1501
01:25:58,333 --> 01:26:00,833
♪ Agreed politely ♪
1502
01:26:01,833 --> 01:26:05,000
♪ Guess that I forgot
I had the choice ♪
1503
01:26:05,083 --> 01:26:08,166
♪ I let you push me
Past my breaking point ♪
1504
01:26:08,875 --> 01:26:11,250
♪ I stood for nothing ♪
1505
01:26:11,666 --> 01:26:14,666
♪ So I fell for everything ♪
1506
01:26:15,250 --> 01:26:18,041
♪ You held me down, but I got up ♪
1507
01:26:18,666 --> 01:26:21,208
♪ Already brushing off the dust ♪
1508
01:26:21,291 --> 01:26:24,250
♪ You hear my voice
You hear that sound ♪
1509
01:26:24,625 --> 01:26:27,208
♪ Like thunder
Gonna shake the ground ♪
1510
01:26:27,333 --> 01:26:29,791
♪ You held me down, but I got up ♪
1511
01:26:30,291 --> 01:26:32,375
♪ Get ready 'cause I've had enough ♪
1512
01:26:32,458 --> 01:26:35,250
♪ I see it all, I see it now ♪
1513
01:26:35,625 --> 01:26:38,541
♪ I got the eye of the tiger ♪
1514
01:26:38,625 --> 01:26:42,625
♪ A fighter
Dancing through the fire ♪
1515
01:26:42,708 --> 01:26:45,416
♪ 'Cause I am a champion ♪
1516
01:26:45,500 --> 01:26:49,625
♪ And you're gonna hear me roar ♪
1517
01:26:49,708 --> 01:26:53,416
♪ Louder, louder than a lion ♪
1518
01:26:53,500 --> 01:26:56,041
♪ Cause I am a champion ♪
1519
01:26:56,375 --> 01:27:00,000
♪ And you're gonna hear me roar ♪
1520
01:27:07,291 --> 01:27:11,166
♪ You're gonna hear me roar ♪
1521
01:27:17,541 --> 01:27:21,708
♪ You're gonna hear me roar ♪
1522
01:27:28,958 --> 01:27:32,041
♪ Roar, roar, roar ♪
1523
01:27:32,500 --> 01:27:36,333
♪ Roar, roar ♪
1524
01:27:36,416 --> 01:27:39,041
♪ I got the eye of the tiger ♪
1525
01:27:39,125 --> 01:27:42,708
♪ A fighter
Dancing through the fire ♪
1526
01:27:43,208 --> 01:27:45,625
♪ 'Cause I am a champion ♪
1527
01:27:45,916 --> 01:27:49,541
♪ And you're gonna hear me roar ♪
1528
01:27:49,625 --> 01:27:53,208
♪ Louder, louder than a lion ♪
1529
01:27:53,291 --> 01:27:55,750
♪ 'Cause I am a champion ♪
1530
01:27:55,833 --> 01:27:59,333
♪ And you're gonna hear me roar ♪
1531
01:28:06,625 --> 01:28:10,083
♪ You're gonna hear me roar ♪
1532
01:28:16,375 --> 01:28:21,833
♪ You're gonna hear me roar ♪
1533
01:28:51,583 --> 01:28:52,416
So...
1534
01:28:55,000 --> 01:28:55,833
Look,
1535
01:28:56,625 --> 01:28:59,666
I'm no good at talking
about feelings and stuff like that.
1536
01:29:00,041 --> 01:29:00,875
Shut up.
1537
01:29:05,375 --> 01:29:06,208
Wow.
1538
01:29:09,833 --> 01:29:11,791
My God.
My hands are still shaking.
1539
01:29:12,208 --> 01:29:15,541
Ah! Darlings, you were marvellous!
1540
01:29:15,625 --> 01:29:17,125
Thank you, Albert.
That means the world to me.
1541
01:29:17,208 --> 01:29:19,000
Coming from a true panto legend.
1542
01:29:19,083 --> 01:29:20,458
You both were.
1543
01:29:21,166 --> 01:29:25,416
Well, that's it. From here on in,
I'm only doing pantomime. I loved it.
1544
01:29:25,500 --> 01:29:27,625
Well, that's good
'cause you still got...
1545
01:29:27,708 --> 01:29:29,666
49 more shows to go.
1546
01:29:29,916 --> 01:29:32,208
What? Are you insane?
1547
01:29:32,291 --> 01:29:34,208
Forty-nine more shows?
I can't do that.
1548
01:29:37,458 --> 01:29:38,416
Just kidding.
1549
01:29:39,458 --> 01:29:40,291
I can't wait.
1550
01:30:32,000 --> 01:30:34,583
Brad, wonderful work today.
1551
01:30:34,958 --> 01:30:37,125
It's a killing field 7.
1552
01:30:42,541 --> 01:30:46,375
Oh, the brake went down.
Sorry. No, I can't...
1553
01:30:46,458 --> 01:30:48,333
Buttons. There you are.
1554
01:30:48,541 --> 01:30:50,750
Weren't you supposed to...
1555
01:30:50,833 --> 01:30:54,000
If all else fails,
just dramatically faint.
1556
01:30:54,625 --> 01:30:55,458
Really?
1557
01:30:57,541 --> 01:30:58,375
You've missed a bit.
1558
01:30:58,458 --> 01:30:59,958
Oh, God.
She's not even good at cleaning.
1559
01:31:00,041 --> 01:31:01,958
-Oh, she's rubbish.
-Oh, ugly as well.
1560
01:31:02,041 --> 01:31:03,416
-Ugh. Ugh.
-Ugh. Ugh.
1561
01:31:03,500 --> 01:31:04,458
Uh, you've sweeped...
1562
01:31:04,541 --> 01:31:06,541
It's in my direction!
I've got allergies!
1563
01:31:06,625 --> 01:31:09,698
-Look at the state of her.
-Oh, I'm triggered. She triggered me.
1564
01:31:09,791 --> 01:31:13,083
Again,
not exactly sure what's happening.
1565
01:31:13,666 --> 01:31:14,833
Show me what?
1566
01:31:16,375 --> 01:31:18,458
That was much better, wasn't it?
1567
01:31:18,916 --> 01:31:22,208
Ooh. Mmm. Mmm.
1568
01:31:26,750 --> 01:31:29,125
What's happened to Brenda?
1569
01:31:29,750 --> 01:31:31,958
We've left Cara behind.
1570
01:31:32,041 --> 01:31:34,208
Cassandra, Cassandra.
1571
01:31:34,291 --> 01:31:35,750
Katy Perry just called.
1572
01:31:36,083 --> 01:31:38,333
She said, I wanna see it again.
1573
01:31:38,416 --> 01:31:39,750
I'm gonna fly to Stoneford.
1574
01:31:40,666 --> 01:31:42,125
-Mmm.
-Oh, no.
1575
01:31:42,208 --> 01:31:46,083
Oh, no, behave!
1576
01:31:46,666 --> 01:31:50,333
Whoo! I wanna have your babies, Brad.
That was marvellous.
1577
01:31:55,750 --> 01:31:58,291
Why are we doing this?
1578
01:31:59,416 --> 01:32:01,125
Because they're paying us.
1579
01:32:07,291 --> 01:32:09,666
I'm so sorry.
1580
01:32:12,250 --> 01:32:13,083
Sorry.
1581
01:32:13,166 --> 01:32:15,708
Finally, a blooper you can't use.
131176
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