Original subtitles

I thought you'd be off in some corner crying your eyes out because your

Luke is going to Canada to be a Mountie. My dear Robin, will you marry me?

Mum!

Oh, my God.

There, little boy.

Come on!

Easy life being a baby, mind.

Just sleeping and eating at the end of the day, innit?

Very much like a teenager.

He proper loves it being a dad, ma 'am. I know.

I do think you ought to go home now, mind.

He's been living here three days.

Yeah, he is dad, this man of mine.

I've been getting the house all night for you.

Checking out loads of stuff.

You were roomy the pit, my girl. Oh, don't look in the shoebox under the bed.

Don't worry.

You've all got secrets, haven't you?

Yeah.

I've taken a minute. I'm dropping off.

Come on, my darling.

Don't you nana, is it?

Look,

I'm sure I haven't been in.

I'm still working Swansea, aren't I?

No. He sends his love.

Going to come and see you at the house, I think.

Nice of Owen.

Sean, it's me again. Look, I know you hate me now, but at least hate me face

face.

And I've invited everyone over to meet the baby tomorrow, so come round about

two, is it?

See you, babes.

That's Sean?

Yeah. I haven't seen him for a couple of days. Is he coming over?

Yeah? Ma 'am. Oh, what now?

Glenn just called me Uncle Ben.

So? Brilliant.

Like the wife.

They're going to call me wife's face now, aren't they? Better than arsehead.

Ma 'am, I think I'm going to need more socks. I've got four pairs.

Well, I don't know. Do I? Do they even wear socks in Canada?

You'll have to ask your father.

You haven't got my prize given on you.

All I've got is Emma's stuff.

Emma's exams.

Emma's wedding.

Emma's I'm the baby.

There's nothing for me.

All who care about is Emma and that stupid baby.

I haven't got time for your antics now, good boy. I'm up to my eyes.

So the wedding's definitely off, then?

Of course it's off.

You're hardly going to walk up the aisle five days after giving birth, is she?

Oh, come on, you bastard!

Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Sit down a minute.

Is it because I'm leaving?

You can't think. What?

You.

Off on one all the time. Sorry.

It's Emma.

Need more knickers.

He's all right, you know. Rob is.

You look out for me in that.

I know he will.

I didn't say he wouldn't.

Oh, I'm fine, Prash.

I'm just... I fell behind with my ironing and this house is a state and I

to be nice for Emma.

Oh, all you care about is Emma and her stupid baby.

That'll be Dad.

Why? He's got my passport and stuff.

Coffee?

Hi, Gwyn.

Hiya.

Ask him what happened to his eye.

A trouser press in the hotel attacked me.

Sorry, got to do the ironing. See you. I thought you was over it.

Ben! I'll be back in an hour. Do your homework.

I haven't got any. Do it anyway.

Milk and sugar?

Yeah, hang on a minute.

Look at me and tell me you didn't enjoy kissing me.

I didn't enjoy kissing you. I don't believe you.

What is it, Rob?

Not happy with ruining my life once, you want to do it all over again. Do you

worry? You're doing a really good job. I think you did enjoy it and I think

you'd like to do it again and I think what happened in the hospital will make

both realise that we still have feelings for each other.

The only feelings I got for you, good boy, the feelings of relief that in

days' time you'll be out of my life again, hopefully for good.

Here we are.

Ma 'am, we got any of them orange Kit Kats?

Second drawer down, under the tea towers.

strong mistake.

Will you give it a rest?

What is the matter?

Nothing. Is it Daddy? Has he said something?

No.

I give up. He's doing my head in. Come on. I'll drop this off now.

Die. Can we do dirty phone calls later?

I need to feel a bit dangerous.

Cockney or Geordie?

Cockney, I never really understand you, Geordie. You go with Swedish.

Oh.

All right, sweet cheeks.

Why, you all alone at the end of that phone.

Sweet girl.

So, what if I am you, you big... All right, Grandma?

I've seen Bobby at the back on his mobile. We've been.

Don't ask me. I have no idea.

He's been like that for two days now.

Right. Couldn't give us five minutes, could you?

Women's trouble.

Oh, right.

Give us one.

Call me later, yeah?

Yeah, OK.

On Thursday, I kissed Rob Morgan outside the maternity

ward.

7 .06.

Not bad, seeing as she drops her cocking early.

And have she got him on the tit? Cos I'll build him up nice.

She's breastfeeding him. Yeah.

Well, son of my love kid, this is where it all starts for her now, innit?

A lifetime of shit and depression.

I'd offer you some old rompers when the supper found out Tuesday. Michelle will

have caught again, so we'll be hanging on to them for now.

Never cocking ends, do it.

So long.

He's got a ton of stuff in there beside the dogs.

Well, be long.

You haven't told her of you.

I can't bring myself to. She's home.

Determined?

She's not bad, you know.

She's not you.

Oh, come on.

I'm a bit of a dick, really.

Nancy's much nicer than me and she cooks better.

You can do it, Presh.

Just think about Nen.

Maria, the other one.

Oh!

Am I interrupting something?

No.

I was just going.

This will be the last time that Alan will be requiring your services, Stella.

Now that he's got me, he won't be paying you to press anymore.

OK.

I'll see myself out.

Getting

ready

for round two, is it?

I've been ringing, but then you know that.

I'm testing, and I did actually call round.

Oh, what's it worth, Stella?

Don't make me look an idiot.

Well, I did to me.

All right, Stella.

Congratulations on the baby.

Thanks. You spend ten minutes with this one, and he's working on his jam. Yeah,

sure.

I'll wait then, shall I?

Come on.

I've got

three kids. I'm used to sulking.

And believe me, I always win.

I think I'm sulking. It's not some fucking playground argument.

What is it you want me to say, Stella?

Oh, don't worry, you couldn't help yourself. Anybody would do the same. No,

course not. I just want you to believe me when I tell you. It didn't mean

nothing. Well, I don't believe you.

OK? He's Luke's dad.

You were in love with him. He's not some one -night stand that you picked up at

a hen party in Merthyr.

I think that would have been easier to forgive, to be honest.

Look, what I did was completely stupid.

I think I must be off my three to have risked losing you like that. You're not

risking anything, love.

You've already lost me.

I'm down yet.

Paula?

Daddy?

I need to talk to you.

Well... This is Stephen.

Hiya.

Just call me Steve if you like.

Hello.

Stephen and I... I'm in love.

They'll have had it. Now shoot me.

Congratulations. Thanks.

Well, aren't you going to say nothing?

Has he got all his own teeth?

Very funny.

Look, we've been seeing each other six weeks.

Oh! Get back quiet.

I know.

That's because I wanted to be sure.

And now I am.

And Stephen wants me to move in with him.

Into his flat.

Well, that's good, isn't it?

I live in Bristol.

I want you

to know this has been a

very difficult decision for him.

Sorry.

on the road I never noticed before.

The monster's not a baby. Your parents see you. Twenty mile an hour she had me

go in.

Good job on all. You're a maniac behind that wheel, Kat. But don't crowd around

them. All of you breathing breath on him like this.

Shall I get the pram? Do we need the pram? Don't be daft, man, Carl. It's

two yards.

Oh, there's my little grandson.

I'm mine.

Don't traumatise him for life.

What? Am I an old man? No.

Oh,

let's have a little look.

Oh, you need to change, innit, Dad? Yeah, we'd better get him in. We'll

him over later, if you like. I'd like that, you will.

We got the baby this for good luck.

It belonged to horse, but he wanted them to have it. It's off his first hoof

from when he was a puppy.

So long as they don't have no germs on it now.

Babies these days are not built like they used to be. No, it's bleach this,

that, disinfect the whole caboodle.

It's lovely.

We'll hang it somewhere.

But keep it turned up, mind. You don't want all the luck to drop out.

Bang.

Batteries. Can never get enough.

I'll see you at the house, will I? Emma's back, like. No, I can't, mate.

this job on.

You all right, bud?

I haven't seen you round much, like.

No. And you know I'm off Saturday, don't you, to Canada?

Come round quick?

Tell me about it.

Can't wait.

Hey, Rob's laying on drinks tomorrow night at the Belmont. You coming?

Uh, I don't know.

Bit posh, I know, but, uh, it'll be good to see you there, like.

Listen, I, uh, I'm not good at, you know, saying things like,

but I'm proper happy you and my mum are together.

I wasn't sure at first, like, but you're all right.

I know you look after her or not.

Let's see it.

See, look there. The jaw. See?

No, I can't quite see it, my friend.

He's definitely got his mother's eyes. Don't talk nonsense, Sonny. Those are

chaudry eyes, if ever I saw them. He's hardly opened them yet, Tan.

There's no way of telling whose eyes they are.

You've got a fabulous colouring mind, haven't you?

You won't be needing no spray, Tan, I tell you.

Some people do spray Tan their babies.

I think that's a curtain.

Right, who wants another drink? Yes, please, Bella, yes.

He's got the name course written all over him. Oh, he's a boot, isn't he?

Oh, please, be careful.

Oh, he's going to be a little bruiser.

You've started already, Bella, look.

Wetting the baby's head.

Drenching him, all right.

Bobby's resigned.

He's in love with a fella called Steve and he's moving to Bristol.

Like Piccadilly Jungle in here.

Why, Bristol.

Bless you at Steve's.

Ben, turn that off, please.

We've got guests.

Hey, my man. Hey, Ben.

I forgot my key.

Rob's come to see the baby again.

I'm going right into it. He's going to say no.

Hey, do you want a beer, Dad?

Come in, then.

Don't worry, I'll be gone in two days.

Hey, Rob. All right?

I'm going to put him down now.

No, no, no. It's far too early.

You'll get him into bad habits like that.

You must be strict with him from the start.

I'm going to put him down.

By the way, your little liaison the other day with Stella.

You? Yeah.

Right. Are you pissed?

Me?

Mum reckons when I was a baby, I used to sleep like the dead.

Well, I haven't changed, have I?

It's never too late to put things right, you know, Rob.

No, we bloody haven't. And sometimes in the morning, I think he actually is

dead.

That's nice, isn't it?

Have you thought about her name yet, kid?

No, not really.

We haven't had a chance.

First thing first, Ken. We have to fix the date for the wedding. Oh, we can't

thinking about that now. We can't.

Oh, let's not all get worked up, shall we?

This is supposed to be a party.

You got the magic touch.

I'm sorry about you and Sean.

No, you're not.

No, I'm not.

Right. I'm not going to mess around.

There's two things I really want.

One is that I want you to come to Canada with me.

Oh, God, you're hilarious. We'll come to Canada just like that, is it?

Bring the bloody horse if you want to. Just come.

The other thing I want is for you to spend the night with me at the hotel

tomorrow.

Obviously, I'd like both things to happen, but if it's only one of them,

I'll still be an incredibly happy man.

Neither of them is going to happen.

Mum, Tanisha and Emma are in an actual fight.

It's awesome.

It's not like they're the baby king two and three, is it?

Will you all just pipe the hell down a minute? This is getting us nowhere.

Exactly. It's like Pontypridd Market in here. I'm off. I'll see you tomorrow

night. Cheers. And for Estella, but I won't be spoken to like this, huh?

They were supposed to be getting married tomorrow.

We've lost a lot of money counting the reception.

It's not like I thought I had a baby.

Really? It would be nice if you could reschedule the wedding as soon as

and then get married like we agreed and then you can move into the flat like we

agreed. Well, that seems fair enough. Aye, it is what you agreed, babe. Hey,

hang on a minute. You're not taking the flat off. Then where are you going to

live? There's no room in the flat. Come on, tell him, pal.

Well, the girl can hardly walk up the stairs, let alone the bloody aisles.

you're not serious. She's still giving us the flat. Not until you're married,

no. No wedding, no deal, no flat.

Oh, come off it. They've painted it now and everything.

What do you care? You're moving to Canada.

Oh, shut up a minute, Ben. Look, the thing is...

You might have done a runner.

No, I was, you know... Oh, let's not put that there, Bab. It might scratch.

I always put it there.

That's where I put it. I put it there.

But I'm here now, Bab.

I'm going to sort you out.

I'm going to look after you.

There's going to be plenty of time for that after we're married. But for now, I

want you up those stairs, washed and changed.

We've got our appointment at 12.

What appointment?

For the registry office, silly.

We're going to register the marriage.

I mean, you can't just turn up on the 24th for the ceremony and expect

everything to be done, you know.

You've got to do the paperwork up front.

Right.

Yeah. Go on, then.

You can wear your blazer.

Have you tried your prize giving on you?

I just didn't put the time in.

Six o 'clock.

What? Six o 'clock.

You only voted in little letters.

Ben, I'm coming.

I wouldn't miss it for the world.

Bet you would if Emma needed him. Or the baby did.

I hate the baby.

I don't even do anything.

Sweetheart, I know you're feeling a bit left out at the moment, but everything

will calm down.

We've just been taken a bit by surprise, that's all.

I'm not the youngest anymore, though, am I? Eh?

I'm not a baby anymore.

Oh, now, listen here, you.

You are my baby.

Nothing ever gonna change.

No matter how many kids your sister has, or your brother, or you, for that

matter.

Where to are you going, all dressed up?

Just going for a walk, that's all.

You never go for a walk?

Thought we'd take him out.

Get some fresh air.

Right. See you later.

You want to watch your uncle over in them heels?

Okay.

Thank you for doing this.

I think you're being ever so good about the old thing.

Bobby's like one of the family.

We just want you to be happy, mate.

Oh, you have dropped us in the shit a bit. Paula.

He has.

But it's fine. We'll find somebody else.

Yes, we will.

And I won't be as good as you.

Sorry,

what? Don't say I'm one of the million.

Right.

So let's drink a toast now.

To Bobby and Steve.

And you a new life in Bristol.

Pardon?

He said long may you see him. What is wrong with you?

Sorry, it's just... I can't actually understand a word Daddy says.

Hey. Cheers.

Cheers.

Mam says he's been a bit of a girl, like.

Moping around and shit.

But why can't we come to Canada?

I hate living here.

I want to see the bears, mooses, mountains.

Ponteberry's got a mountain.

And a few wild dogs.

Not a mountain, it's a slag heap.

And the dogs ain't wild, they're straight.

Look, Benny boy, when everything's settled,

You can come for a holiday, right?

Serious? Yeah, serious.

In the meantime, you've got to look after Mam.

OK?

OK.

Give me the rest of these chips.

Oh, no way!

Oh, they're mine! Come on, Liv!

If

you

are sure about this, are you?

Proper sure.

I take it you've come to register the birth?

No, we've got an appointment to get married, actually. We cancelled our

reception, the hindu bit, but we never cancelled the legal bit, so are we still

allowed, like?

Er, yes.

Miss Morris and Miss Chowdhury? Yeah.

Any guests?

No.

Okay, but you will still need two witnesses, I'm afraid.

Hello, what are you doing here?

Actually, could we borrow you for a minute?

He wants me to go to Canada with him.

Doesn't hang around, does he?

I take it you're not going or you wouldn't be sitting here chatting with

course I'm not going.

I've messed everything up, haven't I?

Yeah, you have.

Chris.

Stella, every time I'm with you now, I'll be wondering if you want to be with

him. Of course I don't.

You were just there, kissing him.

The big love of your life. I never called him that. Your first boyfriend. I

mean, how would you feel seeing me kissing Annie Longworth?

Who's Annie Longworth when she's at home?

My first girlfriend.

I'd probably want to lap her.

Exactly.

I hate that you've got this history with him.

It's like he owns a bit of you or something.

Yeah, well, he used to.

But you don't anymore, OK?

Please don't finish it, Bibs. We've only just got it started.

How's my little grandson?

Have you come to apologise?

Any sharp customers?

No, we've... We've come to ask for the keys for the flat.

Loving the courage, bro.

We're not going to go over this again, Sonny.

You can move into the flat when you're married. Not before.

But that's the thing.

We are married.

We got a certificate and everything. Show him, son.

What?

I'd like you to meet the new Mrs Chowdhury.

Oh, my God.

Does that mean we're going to be sisters now and everything?

Yeah!

We were the witnesses!

Oh, it was so lovely, wasn't it, Al? Simple and yet moving.

Certainly given me some inspiration for our big day.

Alan had tears in his eyes the whole time, didn't you, Al?

Tanisha!

He'd have loved to have been there, that's all.

Giving her away, or my little girl.

Sorry.

He's been like this since he found out. An absolute wreck.

Stella's really happy for him, aren't you, babe? Yeah, I think he's romantic.

Well, personally, I think it's very selfish going off like that behind

everyone's back.

But what do I know? I'm just the stepmother. Not yet, you know.

All right.

All right, turn it off.

I know.

Good evening, everyone.

And our first prize tonight is awarded to the pupil who teachers feel has made

the biggest effort in class despite a lack of academic muscularity.

They just mean the thick kid, don't they? Yeah.

Carl won it, didn't you, when we was in school?

Sure. No, I didn't.

Did I?

Yes. Oh, nice one. And the prize for best effort goes to Alan Williams.

I'm going to be a proper mother to that boy, Stella.

And I, for one, can't wait.

Stella, it's Rob.

I know we won't get the chance to talk tonight with everyone here, but I didn't

want to leave tomorrow without telling you that I regret the way things have

turned out.

And I wish you well.

I really do.

That's all.

Our final prize tonight is for imagination and innovation.

It goes to Ben Morris.

Now, Ben pulled out all the stops on a family tree project set

back in January.

Now, tell us, Ben, what's the biggest thing you learned doing the project?

Um...

Probably, there is no such thing as a normal family.

And although mine are a bit weird, especially my uncle Glenn who killed

in an orange, I'm really glad they're mine.

And no one else is.

You all packed?

Yeah, aren't you?

I started it.

Can I ask you a question?

Do they wear socks in Canada?

Yeah.

So, who wants a lift to the Belmont, then?

Yeah, me and Ben.

All right.

I'm sure I can't persuade you.

No, it's hard to be really weird and to all be friends together.

We're only going for a look.

I know.

Keep a bed warm for you, OK?

Oh, come on, Stell!

I've never been to Belmont before. I don't want to miss nothing.

Apparently, all the staff speak French.

See you.

See you.

Here's to you, kid, and a new start.

Aye. Cheers.

Cheers.

Champagne, please.

See, the French told you.

Oh, yes, she is.

The married woman, come your boot.

It's the part, isn't it?

What's that?

A new brother, eh?

Eh?

Oh, take that baby away.

It's making me all broody.

Now, look, we haven't had a chance to get you anything big, what with

that's been going on. Just the unexpected birth of a grandchild and the

wedding of my only son.

Oh, no, ma 'am.

Please. All right.

I'm through it.

Almost. Anyway, my friend, we hope this goes some small way to protecting you

and keeping you safe in your new life in Canada.

Ah, nice one. It's Ganesh. He's cool. He'll bring you luck.

He's also the dispeller of obstacles and problems.

Like Jasminder.

Jove.

Cheers, Jove. Thank you.

Thank you. Oh, cheers.

Congratulations, Mrs Chowdhury. Oh, thank you. It's been a mental day, but

so glad we've done it.

You all set then for tomorrow?

Yeah, I think so.

Must be weird, leaving Ponterbury again.

I'd hate to see this is somewhere else.

It's been lovely getting to know you, Rob.

Ma 'am never said much before, obviously.

So it's been nice, you know, to meet the missing piece in the jigsaw.

You're kind of my stepdad.

Oh.

Yeah, kind of. Yeah, I think you are.

Come on.

Dad,

you know Nancy?

Is she going to be my mommy now?

What? No, little Alan, no.

There you are.

I've been looking everywhere for you two.

Really? Yes.

Little Alan.

Can you go and get your mamma Nancy a refill, Bab?

What is it, Bab?

You're not yourself.

I don't think you have been for a few days now.

I don't want to marry you, Nance.

I never have.

I'm a weak man.

I've just been going along with it.

Oh, right.

Do you want to live with me? Not really, no.

Oh.

Do you want to go out with me?

No.

Maybe, yeah.

Not again.

Listen, I know I can be a bit of a flippity -jibbit at the best of times.

And I know I'm not your first choice.

But there's nothing wrong with second best.

And if now and again it's as good as it gets, then it's better than nothing at

all.

So... Do you fancy a game of darts and a packet of pork scratchings down the

legion?

Go on, then.

I bet they haven't got a dartboard in a place like this anyway.

Dilla!

Alan and I would like you to be the first to know we've decided to call off

wedding.

No further comment at this point.

Come on, Bab.

Well done.

Yeah.

Thanks.

Oh, hey, stop.

Me and little Al are thinking of coming along tomorrow, if that's all right. See

Luke off.

Oh, thanks, Presh.

New message.

Stella, it's Rob.

I know we won't get the chance to talk tonight with everyone here, but I didn't

want to leave tomorrow without telling you that I regret the way things have

turned out.

I'm not going to have a fact with you.

About kind of rejections.

From who?

Sorry?

You said you had rejections. I'm just a bit surprised, that's all. I just

thought it was you just all the rejecting.

Do you want a cup of tea or something?

No, you're all right.

So?

So.

Do you remember Tracy Thomas used to go out with Richie Grick?

Richie Grick.

They split up in 85 when he moved to Birmingham.

She stayed down here.

20 odd years later, when the whole Facebook thing kicked off, they tracked

other down.

If only fate hadn't got in the way, they'd still be together.

She says he's their only true love. He says first love never dies.

Next thing, he leaves his wife and his kids, moves in with Tracy, and they've

never been happier in their lives.

That's nice.

Four months have lasted.

Oh.

I loved you so much, Rob.

My little teenage heart smashed to pieces when you left.

I honestly believe we're meant to be together.

See, you're being just like Tracy and Rich now.

You think first love's the same as true love, but how can it be, babe? Because

if you truly loved me, you wouldn't have waited 25 years to come back.

What exactly were you scared of?

My dad.

Brother? Well, yeah, you wouldn't have had a welcoming party, but they'd have

calmed down in the end. You know they would.

I'm really sorry.

I know you are.

I still love you.

Now, you've got those special socks now for the DDT. Nana, I am not wearing

socks. You'll be laughing on the other side of your face when you end up having

a stroke.

Behave yourself.

Bye, kid.

You watch out for the Canadian girls now. Oh, I fully intend to come.

Safe journey, bud.

Cheers, Carl.

Good to see you again.

And you. Yeah, great to meet you, Rob.

And send my regards to your sister when you see her.

Aye, will I?

Aye.

Keep in touch, won't you? Yeah. Cheers, Sean.

So, are you going to take care of my little sister then? Or my favourite

He'll be all right.

He's quite tough already.

Takes after his uncle.

Oh, God.

Don't worry.

It's through her mouth.

She cries at anything.

This morning she cried because Banjo's water bottle was empty.

And you behave yourself, right?

Hold my finger.

Oh, no, not the finger.

Good luck.

Right,

come here, you.

Oh, you're going to leave me going in a miscipline.

I'm fucking up on country.

Go on, then.

Go you, and call me the minute you land, all right?

wanted us to do it together.

Oh, bloody hell.

It's weak.

Why have you told Sean?

Sean's not necessarily the father.

So who?

Rob.

It might be Rob.

So, do you do it in the Belmonts?

Yes.

Come on, Mum. You're a bit of a girl, really, aren't you?

Didn't know you had it in you.

Oh, I definitely got it in me. Oh, that's me in your narrows, man. Sorry.

Will it be my uncle, the baby?

Or my auntie?

Or my cousin, like?

What?

Hold me closer One more time Say that you love

me In your last goodbye Please forgive me

For my

You pushed me in.

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