Original subtitles

Oh, my God, I love you, Josh. I love you too, Esther.

I love you so fucking much. I love you so fucking much.

I can't wait for us to get married. Oh, me too.

Can you stop copying me? Sorry.

Argh... Argh, ow. Actually, can you go on top for a bit? I've got cramp.

Yeah. Sorry.

Ready? Yeah.

OK.

I was thinking, erm, do you reckon we should get a band?

What, like, for the wedding rings?

No, like a band rather than a DJ for the wedding.

Oh. Er, right. Because wedding bands can be fun, right?

Yeah, well, depends how much fun

you find a bunch of bald men playing Mr Brightside.

I knew you'd be a snob about this.

Well, yeah, it's just much cheaper to do it on a laptop, you know.

We know so many people who could do it. I mean, I could do it.

No, you're not deejaying your own wedding.

Yeah, look, we've got ages to talk about this.

You, er, do you want some more porn on?

Oh, no. No. Sorry. Er, sorry. I'm just...

I'm trying to be a bit more present, you know?

Yeah. That's cool.

Yeah. Just let me, let me focus for a minute. OK.

Yeah. That's it. Yeah?

A bit, a bit, a bit harder. Yeah.

Argh, argh! Argh.

Did, did you, er...? Yeah.

Yeah? Oh, brilliant.

Yeah. You keep going, though, if you want to, cos... Yeah? Yeah. OK.

No, I should probably get to work, actually. Yeah, fine.

# I've got an insecurity

# I get it when you're here with me

# I take it cos I'm being a man

# But I think it might be killing me

# What is love? What is hurt? What is she saying?

# Let's get it back, who is he? I could be the one who's playing

# I take it cos I'm being a man... #

Hi, this is Fola. Leave a message

or just send a text like a normal person.

Hey. Hey, it's me. I've been, er, I've been thinking.

I'll just tell Dad you're on a, on a work trip.

That makes sense.

And then we can sort it out together another time.

Anyway, it'd be great to talk soon.

Last teabag, I'm afraid, so I double-dipped.

You're hopeless.

Hey, I'm not the one sleeping on the sofa.

Could you be with someone in this situation?

Like, if they wanted to wank off in a corner

as you shagged some random person?

I can't believe you're being such a prude about this.

I mean, everyone has a kink.

Yeah, well, I don't.

Come on, course you do.

Maybe you just haven't found yours yet,

but you most definitely do.

And you shouldn't treat him like an alien

because he's worked out his. It doesn't make him a bad person.

I wouldn't have expected you to defend him.

Oh, no, I still think he's like

if a ham and cheese sandwich was a person.

But at least he's got a little bit of mustard on him now.

PHONE VIBRATES

Mind you, it could be worse.

Do you remember that older guy I was seeing a few years back?

He wanted me to... Please stop there.

Fine, if you're not interested in my disgusting wisdom,

I'd better get to work.

It's going to be all right, mate. Promise.

SHE URINATES

So for the wedding, what were you thinking, like, next summer?

Yeah, probably.

Well, I mean, why not this summer?

Won't it take us ages to save up?

Well, it's not like we want anything fancy, is it? No way.

Something low-key.

Yeah, but weddings always end up expensive, you know that.

TOILET FLUSHES

Well, we could just, like, treat it like a party.

Yeah. Could do.

What, like this summer?

Well, I mean, like, we've waited 11 years to get to this point.

Like, why wait any longer, you know? Why not sooner? What?

We know we want to do it, why don't we just get on with it?

I mean, like, I think we have to give notice and stuff

but we could do it in, like, a month.

A month? Is that crazy?

I'm only crazy for you. Shut up.

Oh, fuck it, yeah. Let's do it.

I can look into the registry office today

and, ooh, we could do it on, like, a Tuesday if we have to.

And - oh, my God - why don't we do our stag and hen do this weekend?

What, like a joint one?

Yeah. Remember my cousin did a joint one?

They called it a "sten do".

Yeah, well, we're definitely not calling it that.

SHE GASPS Sten do.

Hi, it's Tim Regan. You know what to do.

Did you miss your flight, Dad?

I bet you missed your flight,

because I'm at the airport and you're not here.

You couldn't even be bothered to tell me you didn't make it?

HE SIGHS

Hey, er, I'm waiting for my dad, he was meant to be...

I'm sure he'll be through in a moment, sir.

No, I've been here for an hour and there's still no sign of him.

Sir, you just have to be patient.

I've been patient, and there's no need to call me sir.

I just need you to check, so I can stop wasting my time,

whether or not a passenger named Timothy Regan

was on the flight that got in from New York.

Oh.

What's "oh"?

I have to stress that the airline had no reason

to refuse your father from boarding.

The cabin crew are, of course, fully trained

and, from what I've been told, acted above and beyond throughout...

VOICE GROWS DISTANT