Original subtitles

It's been five days since America invaded Venezuela, arrested its

seized control of the country. And now the real work begins.

Nation building.

I'm sorry, I read that wrong. I meant narrative building.

The bottom line is we now have freedom in Venezuela.

I have so many Venezuelan friends.

They are crying tears of joy.

This is their first real opportunity.

for to experience democracy and freedom. Listen, people smell freedom in the air

and they can thank Donald J. Trump.

That's right. Trump is stinking up the joint with freedom.

Can you smell it?

Just crop dusting our hemisphere of democracy.

Breathe it in, people.

Finally, the Venezuelan people are in charge of their own destiny.

Let's see exactly what kind of freedom they have won.

President Donald Trump announced that Venezuela will be giving the U .S. 30 to

50 million barrels of oil to be sold. This oil will be sold at its market

and that money will be controlled by me as president of the United States of

America.

Okay, okay, look.

Say what you want about his corruption.

At least Trump is hands -on with it.

Okay?

Dick Cheney had to funnel it through Halliburton or whatever.

But Donald Trump is like, yo, just give me the oil.

I'll open a gas pump outside the Oval Office.

Okay? Just come drive right up. But no Amex.

So, yes, Venezuela has agreed to hand over approximately $2 billion worth of

to the United States out of the goodness of their hearts and because we are

mugging them.

Which...

Seems harsh, but you know what?

A little bit of oil money for President Trump is a small price to pay for

illegally kidnapping the president.

And now that this payoff is taken care of, America will get out of your hair.

Goodbye forever, Venezuela.

You're finally free.

The U .S. now imposing a military blockade on its oil exports, using it as

leverage to get Venezuela to give in to the Trump administration's demands.

The U .S. has conveyed to the interim leader of Venezuela that she must agree

partner exclusively with the U .S. on oil production and kick out officials

China, Russia, Iran, and Cuba, severing all economic ties with those countries.

I think we all know what's going on here.

Ladies, when your new boyfriend forces you to cut ties with all of your

he's a keeper.

Sorry, it kind of feels like Trump wants to be the new dictator of Venezuela,

but that can't be right.

Right? We obviously have maximum leverage over the interim authorities.

decisions are going to continue to be dictated by the United States of

Okay, look, I know how that sounds, but just because you dictate doesn't

make you a dictator.

Okay?

Because, no, it doesn't.

Because dictators, they live in like a gold palace.

And to any Venezuelans looking for advice on how to get rid of Donald

we have no idea.

But I can tell you one thing that doesn't work.

Satire.

Doesn't do shit.

If you're in a country in the area, and this sounds like a good deal, well, good

news. You're next.

This is the start of a change in Venezuela. Then we're going to fix Cuba.

Nicaragua will get fixed. Next year, we'll get a new president in Colombia.

Democracy is coming back to this hemisphere.

Okay. First of all, congratulations to this guy on surviving the Ark of the

Covenant.

And second, look, okay, the world is a messed up place.

If an oil rampage is what it takes to spread democracy, maybe that's what it

takes, okay?

Stop being such babies.

So which of these tyrannical dictatorships are we going after next?

President Trump and his team are also targeting a northern ally of the U .S.

with new threats to take over Greenland.

That's right, Greenland.

Because the only...

more than a brutal authoritarian regime is whatever the complete opposite of

that is.

That's just one little hitch with invading Greenland.

Denmark, which controls the independent territory, is a close NATO ally. The

Danish prime minister has said a U .S. attack on NATO territory would

effectively end the alliance, which has never seen one member attack another.

Great, okay, that means they won't expect it.

the definition of a sneak attack, okay? The point is we need Greenland. Why?

For their freedom or their oil or for national defense. Look, I don't remember

what excuse we're using.

But, okay, this congressman, he'll explain.

It's important that we have a stake in Greenland. When you look at the Western

Hemisphere, we are the dominant predator, quite frankly, force in the

Hemisphere.

the dominant predator in the Western Hemisphere.

At least now that Jeffrey Epstein is dead.

For more on America's plans in Venezuela, we go live

to Caracas with Michael Kosta.

Michael.

Michael, Michael.

Venezuelans reacting to this extortion.

Extortion?

Oh, Ronnie.

What America is doing here is legitimate international business. Trump is simply

offering Venezuela protection from dictators and foreign enemies, and in

exchange, they give him money for that protection.

Capisce?

Michael, that's the business model of the mafia. You're describing the mafia.

The mafia?

This is not the mob. This is just Venezuela tucking an envelope of cash

Donald Trump's pocket every week. Because it would be a real shame if they

forgot to pay and their economy blew up when it turned on its car.

Everything you're describing is what the mob does. You're even dressed like

you're in the mob.

Maybe America is a little bit of a mafia face. So what?

The mafia is molto bene.

You get to wear nice suits. You skip the line at the copa. And you get to kiss

guys on the lips when they betray you. And you get to drink from fancy little

cups. Salud.

Okay, Kostas, it's a little late in the day to be drinking espresso.

This? This is crude oil.

As my nonna used to say, that's a spicy diesel fuel.

Have you not seen any mafia movies? It never ends well for them.

Name one mob movie that doesn't end well.

The Godfather.

Name two.

The Godfather 2.

Name three.

The Godfather 3.

Name six more.

All those Scorsese movies and The Sopranos.

Technically, we don't know how The Sopranos ends.

For all we know, Tony is still at the strip club eating gabagool, getting a

dance from a girl wearing a bikini made of gabagool. Oh!

Costa, I know it's great to live by Lala's mob rules when you have power,

what's to stop someone bigger from doing all this mafia shit on us?

Ronnie, Ronnie, Ronnie, your brain is like a cannoli with no filling.

If that happens to America, we'll just turn state witness.

I'm already wearing a wire.

No, this isn't TV, okay? If we abandon international law, what will stop the

next superpower from extorting us once our run as an empire is over?

Name one time an empire's come to an end.

One time? The Romans, the British, the Germans, Mongolians, Ottomans? Stop

making places up, Ronnie.

And trust me, this is not going to happen this time.

Oh, really? Why not?

Because there's only one way for all this Venezuela stuff to end. And that

She soprano'd me. God damn it. Michael Kosta, everyone.