Original subtitles

Welcome, everybody. Welcome to The Tonight Show!

Oh, yeah, baby!

Well, guys, today was a beautiful, sunny day here in New York City with

temperatures reaching 50 degrees.

Wow.

Who knew all we needed was a sexy hockey show from Canada to heat things up,

baby?

Well, let's get to some news. Last night, President Trump sat down with The

York Times for an interview that lasted two hours.

Ooh. Yep. The interview went so long, the Times almost got to ask a second

question.

By the end,

Trump said that he could have talked for nine more hours.

The reporters were like, sorry, Melania only paid us to babysit you for two, so

take care.

During the interview, Trump said that he would like to go to Venezuela.

Yeah.

Their president will be here and our president will be there.

It's fun. It's like we're doing a little dictator wife swap. You know, it's kind

of interesting.

Trump also said that the U .S. will be running Venezuela for years.

Yeah, we don't have anyone there in person right now, so I guess we're going

do it over Zoom?

Trump went from being obsessed with ballrooms to being obsessed with oil,

means he stopped watching Gilded Age and started watching Landman.

Oh, and during the interview, Trump got a call from the president of Colombia,

and he actually showed off the note that an aide handed him. This is real. Take

a look.

Colombian President Gustavo Petro is calling for you.

Yeah, but that's not the only note that he was handed. Really?

No, yeah, no, he also got a note that said, Eric Trump just got his hand stuck

in a Pringles can.

He's got a bunch of notes. Really? Yeah, he has another one that says, Melania's

watching Heated Rivalry and doesn't want to be disturbed.

And finally, there's this one here. It says, the Prime Minister of Denmark says

that you can fork off.

Interesting message.

These are notes they handed.

They handed it to the President.

Well, guys, it's been a crazy week for the president. First, Trump invaded

Venezuela. Now he's talking about taking over Greenland.

Check out what Trump's been saying about it behind closed doors.

Yay!

There you go. Bye.

Switching gears, I read that Target just added thousands of new products in a

push to become a wellness destination.

Meanwhile, TJ Maxx just added buckets of glue and broken glass so shoppers can

prepare their fists for battle.

Some more business news. Taco Bell just released their new spicy Volcano

Quesarito.

It's called the Volcano Quesarito because whoever eats it could erupt at

time.

If you eat a Volcano Quesarito then drink a Baja Blast, you're legally

considered a weapon of mass destruction.

Some TV news this week was the season finale of The Real Housewives of Salt

City, and it was pretty heated.

There was a lot of drama between Meredith and Bronwyn. Now, if you missed

don't worry, because here to reenact that scene with actual lines from the

are The Roots' own Tariq and Questlove.

Thanks, Jimmy.

Tonight I'll be playing the role of Bronwyn, a fashion historian who is

confronting Meredith about lying about a conversation.

And I'll be playing Meredith, a boutique owner who's being confronted by Bronwyn

about... lying about a conversation.

Okay. Whenever you're ready.

I wanted to chat with you and I wanted to make sure I'm not reading into

something weird. I thought you had a little bit of an uncomfortable

with me. I felt like you were asking me what was said at lunch. And if people

were...

Didn't ask you that.

You didn't ask me what was said at lunch yesterday?

No, I didn't. Well, you asked me what happened at lunch. This is not true.

This is true.

Meredith, I am goop, dag, bop, bam, boop, befuddled. I don't agree

with you. I'm not going to agree to something that didn't happen.

You did ask me about the lunch. I...

Didn't ask. You said, I'm nervous about tonight. I don't know what's coming. And

I said, well, I don't either. I was just trying to be nice.

That's it.

I'm really effing irritated.

And really effing hurt, Meredith.

And I feel like you're working me. And I feel like you use me.

And I feel like when you want something from me, you think I suck. I'm like the

pokey little puppy that's just going to run behind you. And I tell you things

because I haven't cared about you. Are you lying right now or do you not

remember? Or are you gaslighting the out of me? Because it's one of those

options, Meredith.

None of the above, Bronwyn. And I don't like your accusations.

You know what?

I know you said it. And that's good enough for me.

But I was a good acting friend to you.

Acting.

Bravo!

Bravo!

Bravo! Bravo!

Bravo! Bravo!

Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! Bravo!

Bravo! Bravo!

Karen. When Karen's heard, they demanded to speak to a manager and won their

title back.

We have a great show.