Original subtitles

I give you the inaugural poster for Ponty Partner.

Jesus, how is she?

Is she his?

Ken, I'm about a child.

The results came.

Good morning.

When I knew that always be an open door for

me.

Odie, odie.

Shine and rise, my friend.

One premium in -room breakfast for our longest -staying guest ever.

You've only been here four days.

Did I even order this?

No, I'm doing a soft launch.

Twenty pounds in the big hotels. To you, a mere ten.

Traditional English breakfast has spent fifty pounds on a vacuum packer non

-refundable.

Jag, I'm going to be checking out tomorrow.

Oh, you and Stella are back together.

I'm so happy. No, I've decided to take up the job offer in Dubai. I just

told Stella yet, so please keep it to yourself, yeah?

Yes.

That is very sad, my friend.

Yes.

Yes, it is.

See, it's all in the knee.

What, you said it was in the foot?

Yeah, well, the foot and the knee.

The whole leg, like.

Morning, boys.

Morning. Hiya.

Is everything all right, Del?

Yeah.

Slept right through, didn't you, Bill?

No, I meant under the circumstances with you.

Michael. You are allowed to say his name, Bobs.

And I'm fine, OK?

Now, who fancies pancakes for breakfast?

Never had them.

Well, you will now. I will do a batch of six. No, ten.

You can't hide it from me, you know.

With your pancakes and your overcompensating, I can spot a broken

hundred and fifty people.

Oh, Nadine.

Hiya.

Yeah, all right, calm down.

Nadine, calm down.

What happened?

There's been a defacement.

Oh, I look quite cool.

Oh, well, bully for you.

I don't. Now, quick, strip some more off.

Oh, I knew it was a mistake.

We need to be online, not on pub walls and what have you.

Hang on.

I thought you said face -to -face was best. Didn't want to go online, didn't

want to do that.

Yeah, well, a girl can change her mind, can't she?

Kid stays back.

Yeah, little gipsy.

Ken told me all about your trial at that fancy restaurant, Al, in news.

He wasn't supposed to tell Noah.

Don't worry, your secret's safe with me. I'm not even listening.

Well, I haven't had no news yet, but it went brilliant, it did.

Oh, I say, my aunt does sausage in a basket, by all accounts.

Hunters round here will eat anything, even the scrapings off the abattoir

You're right, little Al.

This town's full of mindless...

I've got that for you now, Prash.

Hiya.

To be honest, hey, it's been hours, yeah?

All right?

I haven't come visiting. No offence, Mrs M. They've got pips in, by the way, so

watch your dentures.

Is she who I wanted to see?

Me? Mind Jackson for me a minute, Mrs M. Look, the Daryl card's on the table.

Keck is with the knob, right? It was OK for a while, but now I'm up to you in

knob. Plus, you've been banging Claire Price and she's like a two.

Long and short of it, it is.

Can I stay with you for a bit?

No. I knew you wouldn't say no.

I just said no.

Oh, come on, man, stop. I've got nowhere else to go.

And think about little Jackson. It's good for him to be with his dad, isn't

Yeah, well, the thing is, Mike could be like one of them Mormon families.

Two wives and shit.

Though we won't both have sex with Mike, obviously.

You can if you want.

I'm not keen on the beard.

Catch you later, Rumi.

You're going to tell her you know, then? Oh, yeah, that'll go down well. Happy

100th birthday, ma 'am. And by the way, we were thinking of doing you a family

tree, but we found out I'm a bastard child in the process. Well, you wouldn't

put it like that, would you? I'm not putting it like anything.

I'm keeping strong until we've had this damn party.

I'm not going to no party.

Good game with Flossie.

Slammed her.

And she's only a kid.

83 if she's a day. Look, ma 'am, the party is all planned for tomorrow.

Well, you can go yourself.

I see Jean Prothero do Zumba in the afternoon.

And I refuse to miss the class. You can't pick Zumba over your centenary

ma 'am. I already have.

E .J.'s always going on about how wealthy she is for her age.

Shoving her faces in it.

Swanking around with her Fitbit.

Maybe we should call it off.

I'm joking.

I've invited Wales Online, the WI and the Rotary.

There's no way on God's green earth I'm having that lot say the former mayor of

Ponterbury never done a full buffet for her mother's address.

Including two types of quiche.

And a prawn ring.

Right,

come on then, there's something we've got to do.

I don't know what she'd like for her birthday.

Right, all right. What are the options so far?

Er, I may call for a curly -sews. She'd do a Kim Kardashian look that might suit

Olwen. What if you just said Olwen and Kim Kardashian in the same sentence?

Yeah. Go. Or we could get her a voucher.

For her 100th birthday? It's a bit boring, isn't it?

And you're even going to come shopping with me.

My dad's having the kids.

I've got a G .A. meeting, babe.

It's probably best they don't miss it with all that cash sat in the bank.

I'm so glad Stella said yes in the end, for the money, like.

Oh, it would have been a bit arse if she hadn't. It's Holly's inheritance, after

all. Still weird for Michael, though, I suppose.

Hey, I want a bit of push -up bra from Agent Provocateur.

They just say you just sag a bit when you get older. Oh, too much information.

Or maybe a pair of matching cami knickers.

Oh, la, la, la, la, la. Come on, then.

Halloween, what am I doing?

Well, you haven't yet, Mary, yet. So you ain't too bad, love.

What are you two doing back here?

Me and Brenna got a surprise for you, like.

Bit of an early birthday present.

Well, I be jiggered. It'll count all your steps to do, ma 'am. I know what a

fit to do, Ken.

Do you like it, Ben?

Like it.

I'm glad it's what you wanted.

Just a shame he won't be coming to the party tomorrow to receive it. You're a

cunning woman, Brenda Tatiana Patrice. I took after my mother's side.

Oh, there's me. I always thought I took after my father's side.

Brenda.

Oh, it's hard for Avanis still. You're a lifesaver. I still don't understand why

you can't go to your nanopaths or your mums. We've fallen out big time, all

three of us.

About a microwave.

Yeah, well, it's only temporary, Beyonce.

Like a night or two.

Or three.

Hiya.

Good day in school, Bill.

What's she doing here?

I'm your new housemate, babe.

Temporary housemate.

Couple of nights, that's all.

Yeah, week tops.

What about Michael, then?

Yeah, well, that's what I was trying to tell you earlier.

Michael's not living here at the moment.

He dumped you?

No. You dumped him?

No. Oh, my God. Did he cheat again?

He just can't keep it in his pants. Honey, it's worse than kegs.

Oh, shut up, men.

There's nothing like that.

They're all the same style.

Pigs and dogs. You just can't trust a blog.

I'd go lesbo if I looked good in Zenon. Can we not talk about this now, please?

Of course.

Undisturbed.

Where am I sleeping now?

Can I have his room? Cos he ain't here much longer, is he?

No, you bloody can't. You're on the settee, OK?

Or you can have Banjo's bed.

The thing is, I've been trying to make light of it lately, just to, you know,

normalise the fact that I'm a gambler with a lot of cash in the bank.

Don't get me wrong, I've been pretty sensible by my standards.

Like, I've given a chunk of it away to my mum and baby sister, and we're buying

the house we was renting.

But there's still this 50K just sitting there,

calling to me.

And it's hard.

60, 80, and that's 100.

Enjoy, fella.

Thanks, mate.

Hey, Mike.

Don't give me a thinking of signing up to Ponty Partners.

Because life's too good on it.

Woke up this morning, can't shake the thunder from last night.

You left with no warning, can't stop the thunder from my life.

What do you mean, Sal?

What are you doing here?

Could ask the same of you.

I'm living here now, if you must know.

Living here? A single -parent family's got to stick together.

Where's Jackson?

Having a kip.

Stella? Out getting a prezzie for old Olwen.

Right. I need to collect some stuff from upstairs.

I'm not sure that's a good idea, Mike.

What were you and Stella being rumpus interrupters and all that? She probably

won't want you in the house.

Right, A, that's not a real term, and B, I haven't done anything wrong, so

there's no reason I shouldn't be allowed into my own house. Oh, that's what they

all say.

It wasn't me. I didn't do it. It fell in.

Control, shift, alt, and double -click the ampersand key.

I started building an app for the pub last year so that punters could order

their beers from the table.

And then I realised that was just table service.

So you know how all this works?

What a hamper stand is and stuff.

Oh, yes.

It's pretty simple, really.

I'd be glad to help if you like. Oh, my God, yes!

Are you mental?

He'd done an amazing job on that photo of us.

Really brought out the sensual woman in me, didn't you, Jack?

Look, I admit it was nice to have a bit of help while we were at the teething

stage. But now it's time we paddled our own dinghy.

It is our company, after all.

So, let's pick up our hamper stands and try again.

Sorry if I was a bit on the harsh side earlier, Mike.

Can't have been a bed of roses dating someone like Stell.

Old women need a lot of upkeep, don't they?

That fellow's not old.

and we were not dating. She was... is my wife, and I love her very much.

Do you want to cry, Mike?

Go on, cry.

There's no shame in it.

Unless you do it in public, like, which is well lame.

You need a tequila.

Hey, Billy.

All right?

Um, you stopping?

Do you want something to drink?

No, I just came to pick up a few things.

For Dubai.

What?

You've decided to go, we have, still.

I'll be upstairs.

Actually, can we talk about this in private? Do you mind, Beyonce?

No, it's fine.

And you're going for six months, are you?

He needs the key, does he, for that front compartment thing on the suitcase?

Oh, right.

OK. Yeah, but there's no rush for us, just... Hey, Mike, I know you and Stella

are done now, but me and Jack can still come to Dubai, can't we? I can't say.

Now is really not the time. Because I've ordered a burqa healing.

Oh. Very good.

Feels like there might still be something in here from...

I always find leftover sun cream in mine.

And lube.

Oi, oi. Got something to tell us, Mike?

That's from Bali.

Our honeymoon.

Awkward.

Right, I'd better get going.

Yeah.

So when's your flight?

Monday night.

Blimey. Okay.

So do you reckon you'll make it to my nana's party?

Let's see how I can get on. I've got a lot of stuff to sort out beforehand,

so... That's code for I won't come because it'd be well cringe.

Shut up, Beyonce.

Right, well, um... See you.

Yeah.

Oh, my God, I hate him still, do you?

What do you think you're doing, Glen Brainec?

Just checking some for donkey, I am.

One apiece.

Livestock excluded.

Come in.

Come in, let's get this party started.

Poofy's over there.

Drink's for the bar.

Hiya, Ken.

Hiya. Sorry we're late. Had to take Jen to my Auntie Anne's.

Where to? Do we put prezzies? Well, yeah.

It's a voucher, it is. One month's free trial, ponty partner.

Oh, she'll have the pick of the crop, she will. There's only one other woman

her age range on the books.

And she's on a drip 24 -7.

Oh,

happy birthday!

Oh, Ken.

I thought I told you to keep it under wraps.

My trial at the restaurant, like, you told Bobby.

Oh, bugger.

Head like a sieve, me.

Well, don't you worry, kid. I won't be the word to no one else from now on

you trying out for a fancy new job.

What fancy new job?

Oh, Estelle.

Excuse me.

All right, Dad.

Hello. Hiya, Billy.

Hiya. And how's my beautiful girls?

Oh, we're OK.

She got her caps, yeah.

Oh, look at the birthday queen.

Oh, that's disgusting, that is. Counting her bloody steps.

Been like that for the last half hour.

Happy birthday, Nana Kosh. Thanks, Del.

Oh, 327.

Don't suppose Michael's here, is he? I saw him earlier. Just come back from

Cardiff. He'll be down now in a bit.

He's going Monday, Dad.

To Dubai. Yeah, he did mention it, kid.

Look, love, whatever's gone on with you two, it's your business.

All I know is you make each other very happy.

Not at the moment, we don't.

Michael Jackson is separating them.

Oh, for God's sake. And I was told that he's running off on Monday down

Avondale. To buy it, his brother.

That as may be. But he could still have the decency to show his face at the

birthday of his wife's grandmother.

The Cowan Queen have showed more interest than him.

At least she sent a telegram. Well, ledger -like.

Right. I'm going to put Holly down. Come on, Billy.

I didn't realise you felt like this.

So, do you have a new job or not?

It's looking pretty likely.

Hey, maybe Anto could take over.

Um, I don't know. I'd be well up for that.

Yeah. I mean, he seems to have won round all the customers with his basket

range. Yeah.

He's got big plans, too.

There's nothing you can't have in a basket.

Except soup, maybe.

He's got built -in Wi -Fi and radio and heat and massage mode.

Never to God.

Oh,

I love it.

Feels like heaven wrapped round my neck.

Far more age appropriate than that bloody Gestapo band our Brenda got me.

Feel like I'm being punished.

I'm under it for Pete's sake.

Haven't I walked enough?

You nice there?

That's it.

Me and her.

We finished.

Capito. She wouldn't be an ungrateful brain.

Like you said, she was the one who wanted a Fitbit.

Look what Alwyn just gave me.

You think that's funny, do you?

Giving something away that I'd spent good money on?

Oh, give over.

I couldn't get past 400 steps.

It's obviously not working.

I'll tell you what's not working.

The fact that I had to bribe my own mother to come to a party that I'd

blood organising for her.

And you know what is?

Instead of being happy for you today, all I can think is...

How did she get to 100 and never find the time to tell me that my father was

the man I thought he was?

Oh, yes.

Me again.

I've been in your tin, see?

And I want answers.

Who is he, ma 'am? Who is my real father?

Oh, my God.

Hey, Brenda, please. This isn't the time for the play.

Out of this, Del!

It's Nana Kosh's birthday. You need to calm down.

And you need to mind your own business.

Stella?

Like telling Mr.

Lardy Dad Jackson over there that he's an hour bloody late for my mother's

party. Actually, I... No, it's all right, Michael. You don't need to

yourself. Look, I know you're upset, but you can't go taking it out on innocent

people like Michael.

Innocent? Him?

Fitting us in before he do go gall of a...

You don't know what you're talking about. Stella, it's fine. You must be

in the head, still defending him after he walked out on his second wife and kid

in just as many years. What happened?

Well, you would say that, wouldn't you? Actually, for your information, we split

up because of me.

Stella, don't do this, please.

That's right.

Take the blame like the feeble little woman you are. We split up because

not Michael's baby, OK? She's Rob's.

Sorry to interrupt, but I think Alwyn might be dead.

She had a good in -in with Mind, fair play.

Funny expression, that.

She hated cricket.

Just glad I wasn't in Tenerife when it all happened.

I was on a hen week -end to my nad when old Beryl died.

Took us all by surprise, I did. Totally unexpected.

How's that?

Me and my mam had to catch a train back in full costume, slutty nuns we was.

My mam cried into her fishnets all the way home.

Was old Beryl your nana then, Kit?

Don't be thick, man, Ken. She was my gerbil.

Oh, keep an eye on Jackson for me, will you, Karen?

Matter of fact, I am.

She's a bloody card.

That's one word for her. I can think of several others.

Listen, I'm sorry I shouted my mouth off yesterday.

Auntie Brenda wound me up, she did.

Not your fault, kid.

Emotions were running high.

And it's hit her for six, finding this out about her dad.

Well, now the whole village knows your business.

And mine as well.

What's new?

All right?

Yeah.

It's awful sad, isn't it?

She only wore this the once.

But she liked it, though, didn't she?

Yeah.

Look, you don't have to take it back today, though.

It's Monday, after all. I know.

Fancy going up the house, to be honest.

Do a couple of hours shopping in Cardiff.

Besides, this was 50 quid, and I'm not going to start being wasteful just

because we've got money in the bank.

What are you saying I'm wasteful?

Don't be daft.

Sorry.

Touchy subject.

No, you just lost your great -nana, Luke. That's why you're touchy.

You might not have been all that close, but she was still family.

Excuse me, Grace, but I just need a word with Bob here.

I'm actually quite busy at the moment, Nadine.

We were supposed to be meeting this morning to have a pop at that app thing

again. Where were you?

Organising Alwyn's funeral.

Funnily enough, what with me being a funeral director and all. I'm sorry,

but we've got clients gagging together at one another.

In the digitalistic sense.

We've got to get this pony saddled up.

Well, you'll have to get the saddle out yourself because I am up to my eyes.

Auntie Brenda booked the express service because Ken's back down Tenerife any

minute. That gives me less than 24 hours to get all Wincosh crated, cremed and

consecrated. I can't believe this.

What kind of partner and punty partners are you? They're really busy kind.

She'll just keep me on speed dial for any major decisions and get the heck on

with it.

Jag, it's me, Nadine.

Is that all for about to fill on the table?

You look as miserable as I feel.

Have a seat.

She isn't.

Bit of a showdown yesterday, wasn't it? Just a bit, yeah.

Good old Ponteberry, eh?

And poor Owen.

Yeah.

She's done well, though, fair play.

So, come on, why are you miserable?

I don't know.

Stupid, innit?

Got a beautiful wife, lovely kids, nice house, money in the bank.

You're making me depressed.

That's the money bit.

Not enough?

Too much.

I just... I just can't deal with the responsibility, you know?

When was my dad thinking of giving a gambler half a million quid?

Might as well give me a rope.

You haven't been gambling again, have you?

Well, in that case, there's only one thing to do. Get rid of it.

What? Don't worry, I'm not suggesting handing it over to the local ferret

factory. Just transfer the cash to someone you trust.

Your mum or Zoe.

Somebody who won't let you fritter it away.

That's actually a brilliant idea.

Well, I am a certified genius in everything that isn't related directly

own life.

Look, I know it's not my place to say, like, but I don't think you should go to

Dubai.

I can't stay here, Luke.

It's all too sad.

The thing is, right, you might not be Holly's biological father, but you're

dad in every other way.

Look at me and my kids.

Jack's my stepson, really, but I think of him as mine.

God, I think of you as my dad sometimes. I only met you a couple of years ago.

Morning.

All right, man?

Stella. You two look as thick as thieves.

Can I get you a drink?

No, thanks.

I was wondering if you fancied a little walk, Michael?

Excuse me, how much is the bangle, the panther one?

Oh, exquisite, isn't it?

£1 ,500.

Wow.

Try it on.

OK.

Caligarini. Oh, nice to meet you. I'm Zoe.

No, I was talking about your necklace.

It's the Caligarini, right?

Oh, this?

Maybe, I don't know. It was pretty pricey -like. I just love the shape and

the colours.

Oh, you have very good taste.

Looks good on you.

I'm BB.

Oh.

I think you might like this.

Very bracing, isn't it?

Life or the view?

Hmm. Both.

Luke doesn't think I should go to Dubai?

Well, he's very sensible, my son.

I happen to agree with him. Oh, Stella, what's the point of me staying?

What sort of life is it? Me living in a pub whilst you live in the house? Well,

come on, then. Stop living in a pub. Nobody's making you.

Tell me where it happened.

Where you had sex with her. Oh, my God. Where?

The dune.

OK?

Bennett. It sounds, God, it sounds so sordid. Because it is. Yeah, well, don't

ask then.

Knowing stuff like that's not going to help.

No, you're right.

Nothing's going to help.

Because I'll never get it out of my head, you and him.

It's... I hate it, Stella.

Why did you fucking do it?

Because in that moment, at the time, I wanted to.

It wasn't long since everything with Beyoncé and I was feeling... Well, I

feeling great about myself.

What, and having sex with your ex -boyfriend made you feel better?

Nice.

I was so happy when you told me you were pregnant.

So happy.

I hate that you've destroyed it.

Look, all this you're saying...

You're right, OK? And it's a mess.

I just don't think you leaving and living on the other side of the world

months is going to... It's going to make things worse.

Every day that goes by, we're going to grow more and more apart.

At least if you stay here. And I'm not saying you have to move back in, but at

least if you stay.

You've got a chance, Michael.

A tiny little chance of mending it.

No, I'm sorry, Stella.

It's over.

Now that's my kind of thing.

Quirky but timeless, you know?

Oh, Anna.

Come on, then.

Which would you say has the edge price point?

Correct.

Seb, can you bring those new pieces?

How about these?

Easy. The necklace.

It's stunning.

Should be for 900 quid.

What? Oh, God, that's peanuts.

I tell you what, if you can spare an hour or two, I can show you some

expensive bling.

Now, how about a slogan?

Just a few words that really sell the company, perhaps even incorporating the

name of the business.

Hmm.

You can't do much with Ponty partners, can you?

Find your prince at Ponty partners.

And princess, like for the blokes.

How about something a little more playful?

Ponty partners, love for starters.

Ooh, nice.

What's for the main course, then?

Find love as wide as the mountain.

And as deep as the valley with Ponty partners.

Perfect. So, to Mrs. Wood of Flanders.

I've never been to an Auckland before.

Unless you come to the rugby club, the only thing to fit on there is dinner for

two, a pathogenary.

Next up, ladies and gentlemen, lot number 296.

A beautiful, Parisian, 18 carat, diamond and pearl necklace with matching

earrings. Now, who will start the bidding at 2 ,000?

2 ,000 to start the bidding, thank you. 2 ,000.

Wanting 2 ,250.

Is the big price tag because of the diamonds, like, or because it's old?

I feel both, to be honest. A good investment piece needs the right stone

right profit.

2 ,500 now. Have 2 ,250.

Looking for 2 ,500.

Thank you.

Are you seriously going to buy it? Thank you, sir. I have two six. Who will give

me two seven?

Thank you, madam.

Any more?

No?

Going once?

Going twice?

It's going to be the cocks in the middle for 2 ,700 pounds.

Relax. I'll sell that for an extra thousand, no problem.

Not bad for three minutes away.

Here is your receipt.

Your taxi's on its way.

Thanks. Good luck, my friend.

I wish things were different for you.

And I do too.

And if it's any consolation, Michael Jackson, I do think what Stella Morris

done to you is disgusting.

Funnily enough, Nadine, no. It's no consolation whatsoever.

Bye, Jack.

Charming.

Are you up, Ed?

Have your snack.

Hello?

Did the art design come through?

Oh, I'd hardly call it a design, Nadine. It's more of a mishmash.

Come on, then.

Yeah, we need a popper just down by you, lads, OK, please?

Jag and me have been working on that all night, actually.

Yeah, well, that's not my fault. I told you not to drag him into it. Easy, easy,

easy.

And stick the photo on top, OK?

I'm sorry, but are you seriously suggesting Helvetica font for a dating

You need a brush script in there, or at least a comic sans. Careful with those

flowers now, Len.

We're selling romance, Nadine, OK? Not insurance.

Yeah, well, if I wasn't making the decisions of two people, I might have

time to fanny about with a fox.

Oh, and I'm not too sure about them colours, neither. I mean, what do pink

blue say to you?

Men and women?

Exactly. It's very 2005, Nadine. What about your men and men? Hmm? Your women

and women? Hmm? Your bi's, your transgenders, your non -binary? We're

rapid burn on this one, Len, OK? I want the ash of Olwen Cosh in the urn by

three.

Oh, look, you're wearing me out, to be honest. OK, just do what you need to do.

You've rung me dry.

So, are you happy for us to go live?

Yes, yes, yes. Just get on with the bloody thing.

It's not that I don't want the job with the new place. It's just that I feel my

mission to raise the culinary standards of Ponte Verde is not yet complete.

You didn't get it, did you? The restaurant job.

No.

It's right if I stay, though, isn't it?

I'm afraid not, little Alan. I have already offered the position to Yanto.

It was your suggestion after all.

And I am a man of honour.

You are?

We got a go -ahead from Bob's.

Marvellous. Whoop -bee -doo -bee -doo.

Here goes.

Three, two, one.

We have liftoff.

Sad old days, Del?

Yeah.

Me and Donkey aren't coming to the service.

Can't be doing with God.

But we'll see you later at the wake, is it?

Aunty Brenda have done another prone ring, by all accounts.

There you go, ma 'am.

Now that is cocking genius.

Aye, classy, Pepli.

Nothing to say death like a porn ring.

Drink up, Bob's. We've got something to celebrate.

Oh, not all women die in liquor.

I'd never celebrate anyone dying.

That may be one of them terrorists.

Oh, and Mandy Newman.

She's done the dirty on me and Carl when we were caught in, and I have never

once darkened the door of her flowers and fancy skip shop.

Unless there was a sale on, obviously.

What are you blathering on about, woman?

57 hits and counting on the Ponty Partners mobile app?

Never.

Cheers, Pops.

Woo -hoo!

Gone forever. It's just like that. Oh, she's in a better place now, Auntie

I'm not on about your grandmother.

I'm on about me finding out who my real father is. I can say Sam Ferry on to

that now.

What a naggeress that is. It certainly is.

And, of course, it's not very nice to think that she was having fun elsewhere.

I'm not saying she was loose, God forbid.

She was just a bit like Stella, Sal.

Not afraid to spread it around.

Though I'm assuming it was only the two blokes Mam had, unlike your good self.

What are you on now? Three, four... It's more like five, amateur.

You know that baby woman I met down Cardiff yesterday?

What, the one I reckon was a lesbian and wanted to gain your pants, but then she

took you to an auction?

Shut up, idiot.

No, the thing is, it got me thinking.

Maybe we could invest some of our cash into art or jewellery.

Jewellery? You've gone completely mad.

No, Bibi bought this brooch for £2 ,700, right?

And she's selling it for like three and a half grand in her shop.

Well, we could do that.

Bet them putting it in some crappy 0 % savings account.

Hmm.

She said she'd help me sell some stuff if I wanted to try it out, like.

You sure she's not a lesbian?

There's something I need you to do for me.

Go on.

It's my winnings from the bookies. What? It's only the one time, but it's one

time too many. Luke, I don't get it. I want you to look after all the money,

Zoe. Put it in your account.

It's 50k there now after Hawley's share and buying the house.

And I just don't trust myself.

Homework, please.

Oh, do I have to?

Shut up.

Del, tell me when you're doing food.

Yes, master.

Oh, I am cream -lacquered.

Shall I do you some milk, sweetheart?

Oh, no thanks, but have you got any pop?

No.

No. No.

No.

Oh, Beyonce, you're on Channel 374. There's obviously nothing on.

Oh, I don't know. There's usually some good stuff from 600 onward.

Mostly porn -like.

Oh, that'll be cackers for me. Tell him to do one.

Oh, my

God.

I can't do it.

What? I can't go to Dubai.

I've told Al -Khamadi.

Well, what did he say?

He fired me.

Look, what are we doing talking out here? Come in, come in. No, I'm not...

hear me out, Stella.

Oh, Jesus, you're back already?

Just go away, Beyonce.

But I'm up to Channel 900.

Just go away.

All right.

All right.

I thought I could just leave, just draw a line under it all and start again.

But I can't.

I've been with Holly from the moment she was born, and I can't undo all that,

Stella. She's my little girl, and I love her, regardless of blood tests and

biology and all of that.

What Luke said is true. I can't just stop being a dad to her.

You just don't want to be a husband to me.

Well, yes.

No. I don't know.

A proper man would think that for a time, though, Michael.

Maybe, yeah.

Jack's kept my room at the pub.

Sweetheart.

No, I have to... Let me get my head straight, please.

If you were with us, just knock three times.

It's my girl who signed up for the dating agency.

She told one of them who your dad is.

And he's still alive.

Are you all right?

No, ma 'am. I'm in prison.

What?

Recognise this fella?

Uh, no.