Original subtitles

The following programme contains strong language.

Just let me tell Luke first.

Miss you, man, even though I'm a douchebag. God, you are ugly, man. I'm

Where? To London. Michael!

If you do make me mayor, you'll get honesty, drive, plus a pub lunch like

every month.

We got natural chemistry, me and Evan. I'd say it was more than chemistry if I

didn't know better.

Give him some air.

What's wrong with him, Mum?

Sorry, Banj.

Miles away.

Right, here goes, then.

Hi.

Hiya. How you doing?

Yep, fine.

Case going all right, is it?

Yes. Good, that's good, then.

It's all go here.

Auntie Brenda's got her investiture. Is that how you say it?

Investiture? Anyway.

She's becoming mayor today and she's been dragging everyone in to help out

it's a royal wedding. And the truth is, Michael, I'm babbling because we haven't

spoken all week and I just want to know when you're coming home.

Things are pretty full on at the moment.

We're going to court soon.

I miss you.

I miss you too.

What was that?

Well, I think he's a meerkat.

But he's chewed it so much, I can't tell anymore.

I'll tell you what, I'll come back tonight and take a look.

Thanks, sweetheart.

I've been ever so worried.

About the meerkat?

Yeah, obviously about the meerkat.

So what time train do you think you'll catch?

Ah, right.

Rob, I never heard you come in.

I've got to go, this case is... Hang on, I'll see you tonight then.

Great. Is this a good time?

Yeah.

Can you cast your eye over these?

No, I'm fine.

Quick word to the wise.

Women hate it when men's sock is unmanly and very immature.

She started it. Put away that bottom lip, Michael. It's not a good look.

And you know something else? Women say they aren't bothered by a bit of puppy

fat. Believe you me.

They're lying.

My advice.

Man up or you'll be in big danger of driving her into Rob's arms.

If she hasn't already.

Did you feel any stronger anyway?

Yeah.

Thanks.

A few side effects here and there.

They put me on some pills to stop me fainting like a Victorian lady.

Luke said you told him you'd been on a health kick and the booze had gone to

your head.

I'm going to tell him, you know.

You said that last week. Stella, when you tell someone you're ill, they worry

about you. Look at you.

Been clucking around me like a mother hen since you found out. Mother hen?

now, I can go and see my grandchildren and have fun with them. I can have a

with Luke and talk about the rugby. I can enjoy being with them without making

everyone feel miserable.

I know that.

I think so, Michael.

If you want to change the subject, just say.

I want to change the subject.

Things with Michael... I don't know.

It's difficult when you only see each other at weekends.

Do you remember that school trip I went on to Blaine -Effestiniog?

And you were convinced I was seeing Lisa Maxwell behind your back.

I phoned you from the station you gave me a ride to here for.

God, that was 30 years ago.

31.

Thanks for doing the table.

Of course I know about White Valentine. What is it, then?

It's to do with depth of focus, field scanning.

You're basically just saying all the words you know. Oh, Keris, why don't you

just... Show me what it is later on.

I'd very much appreciate that.

No problem, Benjamin.

It'll be a pleasure. This is for Mayor Auntie Brenda, is it? Yeah.

She's asked us to film her coronation.

Can I help with the decoration?

It went in late, actually. I'm surprised she hadn't... And there you go.

Let's get ready to rumble.

Hiya.

Ah, hey.

Hello.

Hello, Princess.

Sorry to ring you when your train got in. I'd have picked you up. Did I

you, didn't I?

Lovely surprise.

Welcome home.

All right, then.

Your dad's going to see you leave. Of course. I'm indispensable.

So I take it this is all for your fitness class?

Yeah. And don't worry, Rob's paid for all of it.

I was going to beat it up before you arrived, but I got a bit carried away.

Like a kid at Christmas, you are.

It's going to be great, though.

Jack said I could use the room at the pub, and I've done a playlist of workout

tunes.

Daddy's cleverer than he looks, isn't he?

A few people are interested already.

Even Rhian Evans.

Now that I would pay to see.

You going to take me somewhere to celebrate your new business enterprise,

I do know where there's free champagne.

But it do involve Auntie Brenda.

Remember, the tango is not just a dance. It is a story, a woman.

She has been wrong.

She smoulders with anger, the man.

He must dominate her until she releases her passion. Good, Glenn, good.

Dominate her, Bobsy, dominate.

I am dominating, I am.

Is everything well, Miss Bedlam? Yes, thank you.

You are late. I was concerned there had been a happening.

Very well. We shall begin.

Come

closer.

We must be as one for the swivel.

Your mind is elsewhere. There is no focus, no passion.

Why would there be any passion?

There's no passion.

None at all.

The competition is tomorrow night.

I keep thinking about what Stella Morris said about us two.

But we agreed such an idea was... How did you have it?

Hysterical. I know. But people round here, they'll have a gossip, and before

know it, they'll put two and two together and make tango.

Look at this dance.

So sensual.

I just can't do it.

Sorry.

I've always wanted to know, Carol, what is the difference between a bathroom

cleaning product and a kitchen cleaning product?

Is it just clever marketing by those marketing men?

I don't know. I've never actually thought about it.

That surprises me, because you have a very keen mind.

Did you want something?

Me? No, nothing, although now you ask. I was wondering if you might perhaps...

Grace, the dance floor with me in tomorrow night's competition.

Oh, I'd love to.

Wonderful. But I mentioned it. Rianto, he asked me last week.

Do not worry.

Probably for the best, I'll be really busy organising this event.

Sorry. No, no, it's a good thing.

It's a very good thing. I'm glad.

Bathroom use only.

I'm going to look on the internet and find out why. It's most intriguing.

Congratulations.

What happened to congratulations on your investiture?

Funny enough, they didn't have any of them in the market.

Yes, they did. Do not take the Lord's name in vain. Not in front of royalty.

Is that what you're wearing?

Did you have any airmen?

It's just a simple ceremony.

Held in Santa's grotto, by the looks of it. There's only one thing simple in

here, and I'm looking at him. Right, places, everyone!

We're ready!

By the power granted to me... Wait!

Does the camera go in? Yep.

Camera speed.

Ready with the champagne?

Yes. And the dub of peace? I got a pigeon of peace.

By the power granted to me by the Crown and Commonwealth, I hereby announce that

Aunty Brenda is elected as Mayor of Pontyberry.

Are you Aunty Brenda?

We are.

Would you carry out the office of Mayor to the best of your ability?

We will.

You are now officially invested as Mayor Aunty Brenda of Pontyberry.

Is that it?

Where's the sense of occasion? Where's the pomp and...

You've got the chamber here. Do you want me to put it on you? Yes, I want you to

put it on me.

Slowly. And with reverence.

People of Pontferry, this is a great day for all, whether we be young

or old.

Because a good mare is like... All right, babe.

Looking good.

Could I have a word, please?

You've got more nerve than a baboon's wot in him. The biggest day since Magna

Carta, and you swan in like the second coming of the blessed Madonna.

You haven't changed a bit.

What is it? You want money, I suppose? Well, you get none, you good boy. I read

about you in the paper, darling. Thought I'd drop back to the berry and say

hello. Shoot the breeze with a few old pals.

Oh, Jim Beam and Johnny Walker.

Hello, stranger.

There she is.

My wee star. What are you doing here?

Came back to see you, dear.

This is my youngest, Ben.

Ben, clam, clam, Ben.

Oh, Auntie Brenda's husband.

Ex -husband.

Still married in the eyes of the law, darling.

Can we film you talking about Mayor Auntie Brenda? You're kind of like the

Lady. You watch out.

He'll steal your camera and charge you for doing it. In a minute, Benny boy. I

just want to say a few words first.

Ladies and gents, I'm not one for fancy words or big, long speeches.

I'd rather strap on my guitar.

But today, Pontyberry is the luckiest town in Wales because you've landed

yourselves a little cracker. You don't know how lucky you

are. I certainly didn't. So, raise your glasses. Here's to swimming with bow

-legged women and long live Mayor Aunty Brenda.

Cheers!

Where's he been living, then, Uncle Clem? Oh, all over.

London, New York, New Shelley.

Playing in bands.

Cool. Mainly cover bands in pubs. He always used to try and get the word Clem

into the band's name.

Clems and Roses.

Red Hot Clemmy Peppers.

Chemical Brothers.

Like they split up? Musical differences.

I met him and Auntie Brenda.

Oh.

Well.

You've always had a bit of an eye for the ladies of Uncle Clem.

When we were interviewing him and I tried to find out where he'd been, the

he said is not relevant.

She's so up for herself.

Uh -huh.

Why are you doing the face?

Well, often when we find people super annoying, it's because we really fancy

them.

Like my God.

Exactly.

What about Nadine?

Oh, no, she's just super annoying.

Good afternoon.

I apologize. I didn't mean to startle you.

My footsteps are like feathers on snow.

Comes from my ears as a dancer.

I was lost in thought, that's all.

Sometimes I think very, very deeply.

This I can tell.

Do you mind?

There is an elephant here, and we must confront him.

What elephant?

An elephant in the room.

Right, firstly, we're not in a room. We're outside.

And secondly, you do not accuse a woman of being any kind of animal.

Except maybe a swan.

You are afraid, Nadine Bevan.

Afraid of what people will think if you dance with me.

That's because I'm a married woman. A beautiful married woman. This is true.

But you are also my partner, and when we are on that floor, we must let the

passion flow in and out of our bodies.

Don't be disgusted.

Keep your voice down.

And when the music stops, so does our passion.

We are partners in dance, Nadine, not in love.

I know, but all I can think of when you've got me in a hold is that people

judging me, and not just the actual judges, because, to be fair, that is

job.

You are merely self -conscious. That is why I brought this.

Do you think this is Ivan Shlosh, Fifty Shades of Grey?

Trust me.

When you wear this blindfold, you will become like an ostrich. You mean swan?

No, an ostrich. You cannot see the world, so you believe the world cannot

you. You can be transported to another place, free from fear or doubt.

All right. For now. Now, we dance.

No,

no, no. Stop the rock now.

I knew I should have worn the yellow suit. It brings out my eyes.

Go on then. What's next?

Did some interviews. Got people to say some nice stuff about you.

There. You may continue.

Auntie Brenda.

Or should I say me, Auntie Brenda.

Your line's wrong. Don't look at the camera.

Auntie Brenda.

No media training at all, that one. Next.

Funny enough, she's not the only Auntie Brenda I know.

There was this Thai girl who worked in a bar in Bangkok called Ping Pong.

She could fire ping pong... Next.

She's a character, all right. A proper force of nature.

I used to call her my little hurricane.

Oh, you don't want to know what I called you, good boy.

But you should see her when she smiles.

Her face lights up. Her eyes sparkle like diamonds on a velvet rug.

The most beautiful girl in town.

Always will be to me.

Do you want to keep that one in?

No, delete it.

Delete it? You heard me. That man's got more front than press data. Now delete

him and move on.

Hello?

I don't know if you were coming back.

Hello. Listen, I'm sorry about messing up last weekend.

Forget it.

I've been feeling bad about it all week. Enough talking.

Hang on.

I'm still drinking now.

Better get cold.

I'll warm you up.

What's got into you?

I said no talking.

Mum! Michael!

Hiya!

Would you like to go get some of my stuff?

Yeah, as quick as you can.

What's it you're after?

Just my tracking bottoms and my boots for my boxing class. Dad signed up for

in the nutter.

Well, Rob's not up to doing that.

Yeah, he's fine. It's just some daft diet, that's all. He says he wants to

fit. Well, I still don't think it's a good idea.

You know Rob, half his nails.

I've done a bit of boxing in my time.

Have you? When?

When I was growing up.

Had to be pretty handy with my fists.

You went to a posh private school and your parents had a holiday home in

Well, yeah.

Sometimes middle -class kids have to fight to prove themselves, and it wasn't

holiday home, it was a jeet.

What? I think Simon's really scary.

You should come along to the class, if you want, to show us some of your moves.

Yeah, I'd love to. I can still remember a few combinations.

Footwork, mainly.

Can't wait to see it.

Hello.

Michael? Morning.

What time is it?

I don't know, six -ish.

You've just been for a run?

To the bench and back. That hill's a killer.

Right, well, whatever you want to do on a Saturday morning's up to you. I need

more time in bed.

That's a great idea.

Good job.

Michael,

you should clean on.

Go and have a shower.

No problem.

Right there.

Don't move.

I see no reason for celebration.

A dance competition will bring in a full house of customers. Plus, it'll be fun.

I tell you what'll be fun. A wedding.

Mother, you need something to take your mind off things, which is why I have

decided to cheer you up with this.

Ta -da!

It's a table, Jagdish.

I know you have low ambitions, but I mean, this is ridiculous.

This is the judges' table, which I would like you to grace with your expert

knowledge of dance.

Oh.

Wise choice.

Hmm.

But did you say judges?

Well... This is more like it, Jagadish. It's good to see someone can organise

something in this town that doesn't end up like Zerk to Solarium.

Mother, may I introduce Mayor Aunty Brenda, the other judge.

The other judge?

I'm sure you two ladies are going to get along famously.

I'll leave so you can get acquainted.

Mayor Aunty Brenda, Mayor of Ponterbury.

Co -owner of this establishment.

Welcome to my town. Welcome to my establishment.

Which is in my town.

All

right,

Bob? Not remotely.

I haven't got a dance partner, have I?

Oh, finding a replacement for Dorothy is like looking for a virgin in the Big

Brother house.

Well, I am free tonight, and I've been known to strut myself after a couple of

shandies. No offence there, but I've seen you dance, and you do have three

feet.

Now, am I imagining it, or was Michael pulling a tyre around the yard this

morning? Probably.

He's gone all rugged and sporty since he came back.

Oh, I see.

Here, get from one who knows.

Why, you're rugged and sporty.

No, but I once did do a correspondence course in cognitive psychotherapy, three

-week intensive.

Michael is threatened by Rob.

No, I don't think so.

We've talked about it and he seems fine.

Oh, Stella, Stella, Stella.

Michael might say he's fine, but deep down he's an animal.

Threatened by the incoming alpha male, Rob, who's also an animal.

You think?

Press up, running up hills, he's putting on a courtship display to show his

suitability as a mate.

If he were a chimp, he'd be pulling the head of a parrot and peeing on his foot

to mark his tooth.

Do you want that?

No.

Put me off now.

Right then, Rocky.

Here we are. OK, hold on.

What's that?

Caffeine gel.

Helps you train harder.

Look, I don't quite know how to say this, Prash, but all this running and

weights and stuff, it's not because of Rob, is it?

Rob? No, of course not. Just keeping fit, that's all.

Getting in shape for the little lady.

There's no need to.

Perfectly lovely as you are.

I don't know. I just feel like I've let things slide. They're taking you for

granted. I know you haven't. So it's no surprise that you might be... Tempted to

stray. I get it.

Tempted to stray? That came out wrong. Oh, my God.

Do you think I'm so shallow I'd leap into Rob's bed at the slightest sign of

trouble? You didn't say that. I've got a girl pregnant from a one -night stand.

Yeah, and I've apologised a thousand times. What else do you want me to do?

I want you to take back your insinuations about me and Rob.

Oh, tempted to stray. What do you think I am, a cat?

OK, I take it back, all right?

Go and pee on someone's foot.

What? You right then?

You know me, Jagdish.

I'm not the one to complain. But you don't have two queens of the realm. You

have to make a decision. Who's going to be head judge, me or her?

All right, my man.

Yes, and what can I get for you? You want to watch this one, mind?

You've got more sides than a Rubik's cube.

Jagdish, would you be so kind as to fix for this beautiful woman her favourite

temple from our courting days?

Certainly. What drink is that?

He won't remember.

Hippie, trippie, shake.

Ice, lemon, baby sham and absinthe.

Shake enough, Stuart.

Five, six, seven, eight. I'm forward.

One, two. I'm back.

Use your hips. I'm forward. One, two. I'm back.

Almost done. Keep it going. Ready for the change.

And duck.

One, two. You all right, Ria?

Fine. We'll get a bastard bucket ready to fry up a new one's out.

Three to go.

Two. Two.

One. One, two.

Great stuff, everyone.

All right, we'll end with some pad work. Remember, it's not about punching hard.

It's about rhythm, form and speed.

Good match, don't you think? Same height and stuff?

Oh, to be honest, I'm only here for the cardio. I'm going to give the punching a

miss. Feeling all right, are you?

Lovely work, greasy boy. Lovely work.

You're fighting like Lenny Mack. Get your guard up. Get your elbows in.

the matter with you?

And hook.

And hook.

Form and rhythm. It's not a competition.

Keep breathing. Remember to breathe.

Breathe in.

Michael, take it easy.

Are you all right?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Quick to nap. Mum, what are you doing?

Better sit than sorry, is there? I'm OK.

Luke, call it a day now, OK?

That's it, everyone.

End of lessons.

Cheers, Luke. Nice one.

Hang on. We've got another ten minutes, if you want.

Same time next week, yeah?

Yeah, sure.

Thanks a lot, Mum.

Believe me, I wouldn't ask unless there was a code red national emergency.

First off, I don't do the waltz. That's for Gerry Adric. Not a problem. There's

a salsa and a tango.

Right, well, no lifts or jazz hands. I can't bear that fancy dance stuff.

Agreed. Brownies on.

All right.

I'm in.

Right,

good.

Here's Dottie's costume.

Now, it may need a nip and tack here and there.

It was all very see -through, was it?

I feel a bit carried away.

Probably not fair putting us together. No harm done.

It's the pills I'm on that make me a bit dizzy.

Pills? What for?

Arthritis? No, not really.

Menopause? You having hot flushes? No.

I've got chronic heart disease.

Just because I'm digging your potatoes don't mean I want to be friends with

I'm really sorry. Yeah, well, you really pissed me off.

Accusing me like that.

What sort of person do you think I am?

You know about Rob.

Big L.

He told you then?

Yeah.

Jesus, poor guy.

I know.

He's just so awful.

But why didn't you tell me?

I feel the right idiot now, thinking you and Emma... Hang on.

You feel an idiot?

That's what's bothering you about Rob, having a death sentence hanging over

Stella! You're unbelievable!

And do you know what?

Dig your own sodding potatoes.

I don't know, Bobby. I mean, sometimes when it comes to Stella, I just feel

everything I ever do is wrong.

Oh, look out. Someone's on the pity part.

I mean, what am I meant to do?

Oh, sorry. It was an actual question.

Well,

if you ask me, you should remind her how good you are together.

Like when you make each other laugh.

And when you're just holding her hand, not saying a word, but you both just

that Christ, I'm welling up.

I mean, look, Michael, what does Stella really want?

Um, stability.

No, she's not after the workbench.

She wants passion, fun, spontaneity.

She wants to mess around and forget about the serious stuff. And most of

she wants a man without bits of hair on his teeth.

Right, look fabulous.

You can't keep looking at your feet, you can't throw the judges' remarks down.

Force of audit.

Looking for mines.

All right, I thought you said you could dance. Of course I can dance. It flows

through my veins like a red -hot lava.

But I do usually lead.

What? No, the woman can't lead. It's against God and nature.

Do you want to win this competition or not?

Well, of course I do, but I'll... Where I lead, you will follow.

I should be used to this.

You need to switch it to auto?

Of course I'll switch it to auto. I'm not a complete idiot.

God, you look... Can

you film us practice?

Can you film us practice?

Sure, yeah.

Great.

Hi,

Ben. Tell me something.

Yes. Will I or will I not be able to wear the blindfold in tonight's

competition?

No. Do it.

You will be exquisite, Miss Bevan. You need it not.

How can you be so sure? Because a mountain stream runs always downhill.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

But you was right about one thing, though.

That blindfold took me away to another world.

And I don't mean like centre parks.

No, it was silly.

I imagined I was Conchita, a Spanish waitress from Madrid.

Oh. And do you speak Spanish?

Claro que hablo español.

I shall take that as a yes.

I imagined a name for you and all. The wolf.

El Lobo.

They do have wolves in Spain, don't they?

The beasts of the Basque.

What are we waiting for?

Same again, please, Sam.

Chug.

The lady who can't dance?

Michael. I would be honoured if you escorted me on to the dance floor.

And what if I refuse?

Well, if I hold out my arm any longer, I'm going to get cramped, so I'll need a

nurse anyway.

When do you tell him to do that?

Whilst you're studying your class.

Oh, he's so smooth.

I really am.

What dance are we doing exactly?

I think it's called the shuffle around the room and hold on to each other

My favourite.

Oh, I hate it when we fight.

Which is why we're not going to ever again.

Maybe a tad unrealistic, but I like the idea.

About Rob... You don't need to explain. No, I want to.

The only thing between us is friendship.

Well, that and the fact that we're Luke's parents.

I know.

No members of the public allowed on the dance floor. Go on. Shoo, shoo.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to Strictly at the Frisky.

Nice to see you at the Frisky Fox.

To see you at the Frisky Fox.

Nice.

Good evening, my people.

On the judging panel this evening will be myself, Mayor Aunty Brenda.

And me, Nina Indira Chowdhury, co -owner of this establishment. And we appear to

be joined by... I'm sorry, I didn't get your name.

Scott fucking Quinnell.

This gentleman.

I always think that dancing... What a lovely story. So, the rules tonight are

simple. Each couple has a number. When your number is called, you must leave

floor immediately.

The last couple remaining will be the winner.

There will be two dancers, beginning with... The Salsa!

Take it away!

As a connoisseur of dance, I must... Say, I'm quite impressed.

Apart from Yantoo. He's got more flair in his trousers.

I think Yantoo and Carol will be the first to go.

No, Otto, that fellow... Why, yes, Gawfinel! If you knew anything about

you'd have been on strictly like Gawfinel.

Thank you for dancing, couple number six.

I can dance for a room, but I do hate Latin.

Never forgot my Portland.

Thank you for dancing, couple number one.

Couple number five.

Couple number nine.

Couple number seven.

I thought you were very unlucky, Carol.

That's very nice, but we weren't.

Well, I'm sure Yanto will make it up to you somehow.

To be honest, Jack, he's not my type. I mean the love poetry.

There's only so many words that rhyme with shrapnel.

Well, that is sad to hear, but also splendid.

And splendid because, you see, Carol, I... How can I put this?

I know.

Have you heard the age -old parable of...

Play your cards right.

There'll be more when I came from late.

And now ladies and gentlemen, we're down to the last two couples.

Well,

I think we can agree that couple number two are worthy winners.

It's surely a joke. It has to be couple number four.

What? Have you been smoking the reaper? I have never been so insulted in all my

life. And I haven't even started.

Right, well, it's a bit shit there has to be a loser. But there does.

So, the winners are...

I'd just like to sing this song for a very special lady.

Ah, you could do that. Have I told you lately that I love you?

Have I told you there's no one else above you?

I hear Uncle Tom's quite a character.

He bought me my first pint. Well, I say bought.

I had to give him the money, he went to the bar.

Right.

I got you a mineral water. Is that OK?

No, but it's what I'm supposed to have.

Lovely bubbles.

Cheers.

If you ever fancy going for a run, I'll keep you company. I've got to do with

getting fit myself.

Maybe.

I didn't cover myself in glory at the boxing, did I?

Look, I know it's none of my business, but if you don't tell Luke, he's going

find out from someone else.

Wouldn't it be better coming from you?

Both of you.

Conchita and El Lobo.

Conchita and El Lobo.

You were amazing.

That's for you.

Take away all my sadness.

Fill my life with gladness.

Ease my troubles, that's what you do.

Certificate for coming second.

A little unintroduced, I suppose.

Conchita!

Female dancers.

Divas. All of them.

Night.

How long have you known her?

A while.

How long?

I had a heart attack in April.

You had a heart attack?

A minor one.

You had a heart attack and you didn't think to tell me?

Sorry.

Well, obviously you knew.

I haven't known long, but... Yeah.

Why are you always doing this? I'm 30 for Christ's sake. You don't have to lie

to me all the time. We didn't exactly lie, we just... What, your dad's come

from Canada to visit you and the kids, Luke? Your dad's collapsed because of

some silly diet, Luke? I know this is a shock, but there's still so many things

the doctors can do, isn't there, Rob?

I know you're a nurse, ma 'am. You're an expert on heart disease now, isn't it?

Don't have a go at your mother.

I should have told you, I just couldn't find the right time.

Yeah, well, when is the right time, Rob? When you're dead?

Luke.

Sorry, Zoe.

See yourself out, is there?

Oh, you.

OK, Carol.

I may not have been telling the whole truth earlier.

The thing is, I got nothing.

And that's the God's honest.

I got nothing.

I know one.

I know where to go. You're the only one I know who won't turn me away.

You won't turn me away.

Will you?

I don't know where Luke gets that temper from.

Must be you.

Well, at least he knows the truth now.

Some of it.

What do you mean?

I had these tests done. I didn't tell you.

What tests?

To see if I could withstand a bypass.

And it turns out that I can't.

My consultant rang me this afternoon.

Right, well, what are they going to do then? Because they've got to do

something. Drugs or... I suspect they may have run out of options.

Oh, Jesus, Rob. Every time you come back, you're like this exploding bomb

blows my fucking world apart.

Sorry, that's probably the most self -centred thing I've ever said.

I just can't imagine you not being here.

Have you ever done something that you regret?

I want you gone by the end of the day.

Come on, Bea.

I request that you leave immediately.

You don't fire me, mush.

I resign.

You all right?

No bloody rags to death.

It's Braxton Hicks of indigestion. I want to call Mikey.