Original subtitles

All the time I've known you, you never once argue with your parents.

That's because my mum never even noticed me.

I hate you!

No, you don't, sweetheart.

You just hate the fact he's married.

Mum's well. She's left everything to me.

Everything? You're nothing.

It's a girl.

That's the sound I've not woken up to for 16 years.

Brings it all back, doesn't it?

Katie was a lovely baby.

So was Ben.

What went wrong, eh?

I've been too harsh on her, haven't I?

It's horrible when one of your parents says they're disappointed in you.

which is why our little family trip is going to sort us all out. I've got this.

Oh, no, you don't. You're not getting out of it now, good boy. I have booked

You, me and the kids climbing up ropes and sliding down walls will be good

If you say so.

How come you're taller than me sitting up and shorter than me when you're

standing?

I've got a long back and short legs.

Now, I know most people say keep six are a waste of time, but we say... Do you

want me to try walking around the block a bit? You'll guess the memory of this

happy day.

We've got the traditional sugared almonds, of course.

Do you want me to go for you? Aye. Enough of the groveling, you're

Oh, what's the point?

Morning. Hiya.

What are you two doing here?

Well, this wedding's meant to be happening week after next.

We haven't even had a reception venue.

We've booked the church, mind.

You did know me and Bob's the official wedding planners for the big day, didn't

you, Stella?

No, I didn't. But then again, nobody tells me nothing.

Ben, get a move on, please.

You're lucky they're even having you back at that school. Don't be late on

birthday. Oh, OK.

Oh, you want to say hello to his new cousin, do you?

Hello.

See, she's sleeping now.

All right?

this last night, I did. I wanted to drop it off.

For baby.

Aww.

Brenda.

What's that meant to be?

Oh, we could not call Brenda Brenda.

We haven't decided on a name yet.

Well, I can tell you that everyone is called a Brenda.

We can't have a newborn with a name wandering around with no name to a name.

What do people think?

We're definitely not calling her Brenda.

That's not actually what I said, Andy. Yes, it is.

No, it's not.

It is.

Katie's been with us the whole time and witnessed the entire conversation.

Katie, did I or did I not say that Andy could go out again tomorrow night if he

told you... Oh, God, Jake.

I don't know, Mum. I wasn't actually listening.

Honey Brenda?

Yanto bead.

Always a pleasure, George.

I'll see you in the boys' ten o 'clock shop.

Thank thy. I'll bring you them kidneys.

Happy Brenda.

George the butcher.

Why are you grinning like a Cheshire watercolour, David?

What?

Just keeping the business ticking over, aren't you, Brenda?

I do, after all, own a 50 % stake in this company.

Yeah? Well, you can take your stake.

and you can fry it in a pan because I don't need you sticking your nose in

it's not wanted. Cars is you a thing, good boy, not coaches.

And just because you ain't got none to say no more, don't give you license to

poking round my patch.

Now, get your grubby little squirrel paws off my booking book.

As you wish.

Mrs. Auntie Brenda, I hope to God you can help me.

Shoot!

Amy is late back from her lunch again.

You'll have to look after Mrs Lloyd.

Okay.

Hannah, before you do, just check this with me, is that okay?

Does, um... Does that look right to you?

Perfect.

Are you off to the cat and carry just now?

Uh, yeah.

Pick me up some small black towels, will you? Sure.

There you go, Parity. All booked in. That's great. Thank you.

Just to be clear, when I said a few hens, I meant a few women.

Not actual hens.

That'd be weird.

Right.

You'd better get on the phone to the butcher and tell him to look for

alternative transport.

Because Wednesday morning, my bathers are taking them girls.

I'll do no such thing. I took George's book in first.

Then you can...

And take it.

George the Butcher is a highly respected businessman with a very important

cattle conference to attend. And it's his sort of custom Brenda's buses should

be attracting, not a random bunch of sordid hens.

You are being grossly unfair. Grossly unfair. Rich, come in for a meeting. All

I'm asking for is one night. One night where we can spend some quality time

together. Don't do this to me, Jan. Do not make me choose between you and them.

For God's sake.

I was bell -ringing long before we got together. You always knew that was part

of the deal. Great.

So being stuck up on freezing belfries is more appealing to you than being

up... ..than being with me?

They're ten years between us, for Pete's sake. We're bound to have different

interests. Ha! And they do say campanology is a young man's game.

I thought it turned you on, having sex with an older woman.

You never fail to tell me that's your schoolboy fantasy.

Right, I'm off.

Take him, Katie, to Rope World.

Shut up, Michael!

Andy!

The rope we got.

Hiya. Hiya. Horrible, eh? Someone took a bit of persuading.

You look weirdly rather good in it.

Who?

Go on, then. Get strapped in.

Dad, we have to.

Jackson M, Jackson K. On the double left, right, or strapper, give me 20.

Looks like we do.

All right, you lot, are you ready to fucking die?

You're letting your team down. You're letting me down. But more importantly,

you're letting yourself down. You should be ashamed.

You're a sad, pathetic excuse for a human being. All right, all right, easy.

Oh, they love a booty.

Jensen Salon Collette speaking.

See you tomorrow.

Jacqueline, where have you been all my life?

Yeah, I went for three weeks, but to be honest, it just flew by.

Well, I've felt more like three days.

Yeah.

Yes.

I know it is worth not being with you at all or being with you for tiny amounts

of time.

I love you so much.

Marcus! Oh, my God.

I'm sorry, Caleb. You were going to find out soon enough.

Me and Marcus, we love each other.

Emma, don't. There's no point pretending.

Well, she's got that right.

You pack your things and get out.

Please, Kim, I... No!

Right.

Lord Bannock for tomorrow.

Say hello to the baby and I'll be round.

Thanks for that bit of madness.

A lot of fun.

Aw. Nice to see Katie laughing, wasn't it?

Yeah, it was.

Well, that was absolutely brilliant, wasn't it, Ben?

What's going on?

Oh, ma 'am.

Colette found out about us.

She's thrown him out.

Who are you?

Ben, this is Marcus.

He's moving in.

So I can't understand what you're saying.

Oh, sorry.

I mean, basically, I have now got three families living at my house.

Five adults, a teenage boy and three babies.

Oh, and a dog. Don't forget Banjo.

Well, why don't you let the toddlers have your little single room? That would

work, wouldn't it?

Well, where am I meant to go?

Well, I was hoping you'd have sleepovers at mine only every night.

What do you mean?

Proper cocking series.

Oh, I do love it when you talk all valleys.

Yeah? Gives me proper cocking horny.

Look at you now.

Whose coat is that jacket over by here?

Do you?

Oh, do you?

Oh, that's a big leak now, boy, isn't it?

Hmm? I seriously have never met a Welsh person who says blow off.

No?

Dad?

Katie?

Oh, he's fast asleep in Mam's bed now.

He loves it in there, he does.

Can't let her answer the house phone either.

I haven't spoken to the kids or anything.

It's going to take time, all this.

At least you've got me to take your mind off things.

Well, I'm not good, so let's just get some sleep here.

Marcus, I'm on your side, remember?

I only finished with her. Did you know?

I didn't.

Dad, I was glad.

She called me a cold -hearted little bitch.

What? Dad, she was really horrible.

It's okay, Katie.

It's okay.

I've never liked Andy. She knows that.

Yeah, but you were never going to like anyone your mum went out with, were you?

Yeah, because they're not you, are they?

I really miss you, Dad.

I'll get it.

Thanks.

I know you and mum just rowed all the time, but at least you were living at

home. Jan!

You do not just leave the house without letting me know where you are going.

Hang on, hang on. You can't just come in here and start reading the riot act.

Yeah, it's not even solving it. Not for anything else. It's my house. And she's

with you and she's safe, so... This has nothing to do with you, her butter. Uh,

yes, it has. Mum, I'm just trying to help.

Get in the car, please. You're coming home.

No, I'm staying here. I said get in the car! No need to shout!

Michael?

Sweetheart, it's probably best if you go with your mum tonight.

Only if you come with me.

You know that's out of the question.

Please, Dad.

Come here after school. Stay tomorrow night instead. I'll do bolognese. How

that sound?

Yeah, whatever.

I'll see you tomorrow, then.

Thank you.

An emergency car, we tell you.

Right, I have some news I would like to share with you.

You're going to find out pretty soon anyway.

Are we up for another award?

No.

Your boss, Marcus Jensen, has been having an affair with your colleague,

Emma Morris.

Oh, my God.

Please don't do this. I will be starting divorce proceedings as soon as

possible.

But I want you to know this won't in any way affect the running of the salon.

On you go.

O -M -F -A -G.

I've known you since infant and you couldn't even tell me.

Nearly forgot. One last thing. Emma, you're fired.

Obviously.

No pay and no references.

Now get out.

Come on.

You can't just make business decisions like that.

It's not me.

Still aren't 50 % of the company.

Cop can call.

Anna, that's stylish, isn't it?

It's a true use to live in Bangkok.

It's a poor cock, actually. It's a very different vibe.

Bangkok, poor cock, Chang cock, shuttle cock, they're all a cock to me.

Enough of the cock already.

It's frizzling me head.

I have two schoolchildren in here at a time, thanking you.

There are only two of us.

I think you'll find there's three. You short -sighted little campervan, you.

hiya.

All right?

Er, it's OK, I'm all done here.

I'll wait outside, little lad.

Er, where's further cooking, Max?

Top shelf.

But you'd have to be 18 to buy them.

Cooking, cooking, he said, pa, not cocking cock.

Oh. What if poverty's seen you?

They've got CTPV in there, you know.

Yeah, who cares?

Do you want some?

No.

Look, why don't you come over a little hard tonight?

Got a new PS game?

Let me think.

Get drunk on vodka or go and play some stupid little game with some stupid

little boys.

Ooh, difficult choice.

What are you being like this for?

I'm your friend.

Why are you sad?

I'm not sad. You're sad.

Ben!

I'm going with Katie.

What?

Right. Those of you who volunteered for A &E tonight, please remember the

following rules.

You watch.

You observe.

You speak when you were spoken to.

One bad report and you were back on the bench.

Kaplum? Yes, Sarah.

Hello, gorgeous.

How's your day been?

Say something unashamedly filthy and disgusting to me.

Erm... The milk in the staff kitchen is moldy and blue.

No, come on.

You've sat at your desk?

Yes. OK, Mr Jackson, imagine I am wearing my nurse's uniform, but not my

actual nurse's uniform.

The white one? The sexy one. And I've hidden myself under your desk just in

front of where you sit.

At first you don't know I'm there, and a client comes in.

Who's the client?

Oh, I don't know, some rich Russian woman who's committed a terrible crime.

OK, go on.

OK, so you're talking to...

Martina Navratovich.

And whilst you're listening to her and putting on your best serious solicitor's

face, I very slowly start unbuckling you down.

Oh, God, yes.

Go on.

Then I unzip your trousers.

Oh, Jesus.

And you are so turned on, but you can't show it because Martina will notice.

And Martina says, Mikhail, Mr. Jackson, what is wrong with you? And finally you

cave in and you say, I am so sorry, Mr.

Bratovich, but my girlfriend is under the desk and has given me the most

amazing... Carol.

Carol?

I thought her name was Martina.

Bye. God, don't stop.

Just renewing my car insurance.

Come on, you weren't born, Keckers.

What's your actual name?

It's Kevin, isn't it, Keck? Piss off, it's not Kevin.

Come on, Posh, go see if you can guess.

Katie, can we go?

This is boring.

It's because you're not drinking, Ben -O. Do you want a can of bo? No, I don't

want to.

Katie, come on.

Hey, Ben, what do you reckon Kecker's real name is?

I don't know. Will you come down from there? It's dangerous.

Actually, Posh Girl, you've got a point. You'd better come down. Katie, man, for

God's sake.

Why? It's beautiful up here. I can see for miles.

Whoa.

That scared you, didn't it?

Katie, get down.

Okay, okay.

Hi, Casey.

Just checking where you are.

Fallen ages.

Perfect.

Come on, hurry up. I'm starving.

Teenage girl fell 15 feet from a wall onto hard ground.

Possible spinal damage, fracture to the distal fibula, and certain head

injuries. Definitely intoxicated and conscious with minimal responses.

Up to three. One, two, three.

Do we have a name? Casey.

Katie Jackson.

I know her.

Ah, Martina. I knew you would call.

You cannot resist my powers of seduction. Michael.

I know. Terrible accent. Yours is much better.

Sweetheart, listen to me.

It's Katie.

All these tubes coming out of her make her look so...

and this place is dreadful by all accounts.

Thanks. The kids all right?

Yes. Don't you worry about them.

Bless her.

Poor little lamb.

Right, well, I won't stop.

There's some wash things and a change of clothes for you all in here.

I'm afraid Jan will have to borrow you as still.

They'd be massive on her, of course, but at least they'd be clean.

You're very kind.

I'll pop back later.

She's my baby girl, sir.

My little girl.

What is she?

Oh, fuck.

Look, I'll try and talk to her about it today.

She may have calmed down a bit.

Marcus, I can't go back and work at Jensen's.

Be realistic.

And to be honest, after what happened to Katie Jackson, it'll put all this in

perspective.

spent 11 times last night, and I've been with him.

Nothing. Whenever she's around, he's a drop me like a hot scone.

Mr. Lyon, he's probably got a bit of a crush on her, that's all.

Yeah, well, me and Ben were fine before she came along, weren't we, Dad?

I don't believe this.

What's wrong?

It's from the solicitor. Says my mother made a new will.

I've got to go in and discuss it.

Let's have a look.

Hey, this could really get us out of a hole, you know. Well, hang on.

Wait and see what the will says before you start spending money you haven't

Benji, text me. Say, have I forgotten you?

Bilal?

Poor Katie, eh?

Little Alan's distraught.

Feels guilty because he doesn't really like the girl. Still, you wouldn't wish

that on anyone, would you?

I need to have taken the edge off of this then, I guess.

Aye. Though, to be fair, it don't actually say you've inherited anything,

know, but it's about my mother's will. What else can it mean?

You wear masks, men wearing sheep's trousers.

Sorry? Don't get your hopes up.

It might be a scam.

It's a letter from my solicitor. Why can't it be a scam?

Well, your brother told you you weren't getting a penny.

What a change.

That's what you've got to ask yourself.

It was good.

Here you go.

A Luke Morgan deluxe bacon butty, butty boy.

Only special people get them.

Thanks.

Hey, me and Zoe have been talking, haven't we, Zoe?

Oh, yeah.

And we'd really love it if at the wedding, like, you were my best man.

What do you say?

Serious? Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?

Cos I'm a bit of a crap person.

Great. So you can make a bit of a crap speech.

Agreed? OK.

Thanks.

Now eat that and I'll drop you to school.

Do I have to?

Yes. It's always best to keep things normal when stuff like this happens,

But everyone's going to say it was my fault.

How do you work that one out? You're the one who tried to stop her.

Any news?

No.

I'll make us some coffee.

It's all for mine, isn't it?

I don't suppose you ever stop worrying about them.

We all do stupid things, don't we?

No matter what age, make stupid mistakes.

Luke.

Sorry, I'm looking for the cafeteria.

Priceless.

Oh, we've only got instant, sorry.

Mum don't like the real stuff.

It's fine, it's not gross.

I'll tell you something, David.

You are pushing my Watsonhams, make no mistake. I was doing a favour for

Who do you think you are, eh? That poor Jackson girl is lying half dead in a

hospital bed.

Tubes and God knows what in her watchicles.

And there's you, lording it about the place like Puff the Magic Dragon. You

should be ashamed of yourself. What's she got to do with me if she fell off a

wall?

You heartless beast.

You! Come get out there now and tell them butchers they've been double

I'll do no such thing.

Right.

Attention,

please. Due to unforeseen watch names beyond my thingamy, I'm afraid Brenda's

buses can no longer provide transport for your hen.

What, are you kidding me?

Because as of now, my drivers are on strike.

They might be your butlers, Di Davis, but they're my bloody drivers.

Come on, boys!

Well, don't worry, lad.

I'll drive the bloody thing myself. Get out of my...

Dad's gone to get some fresh air.

I'm not sure where Mum is.

Right.

Can I just ask, between ourselves, obviously, but Katie is going to come

this, isn't she?

Look.

I don't want to alarm the parents unduly, but we would have hoped for some

improvement by now, and there hasn't been any.

Hiya, it's Aunty Brenda for Andy Marsh.

Right.

Good to see you.

So, we'll get the bowl rolling and I'll be in touch.

All right, Al. Any news on the inheritance?

Yes. And who reckons they could be getting a few pounds?

That's not what I actually said, Alan. What I said was I can't comment until

I've seen the will.

So, I'm taking a bainer yacht.

There we are, then.

What are you here for?

Hospital takeover bid. I'm suing Guy Davis.

Do you want to come through then, Aunty Brenda?

Rightio.

Am I too late?

What the hell are you doing here? Hey, Di, I might be getting a boat. You can

have first dibs on it if you want. Sorry, who are you? Di Davis. I'm a

I want to mount a hostile takeover bid. Oh, no, you don't, good boy. I am

overtaking you, hostile.

No, you're not. Yes, I am.

Don't! Ow!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Cool it, McCluskey.

I can't represent both of you.

Auntie Brenda was here first.

Stay! Then I'll save the city. What's that going to achieve?

I don't know yet.

This is ridiculous.

Go away, sort yourselves out, and stop wasting my time.

There are people out there with real problems today, yeah?

People literally fighting for their lives, yeah?

Think about it.

Come in.

Don't say a word.

Do all these tests.

We just sat here.

Why wouldn't someone tell us what the fuck is going on? For God's sake,

shut up. How is this helping anyone?

Sorry.

You absolutely don't have to apologise.

Thank your aunt for this.

I know they're too big.

Is there something good you have?

But why is it that our daughter only ever seems to be in trouble when your

involved? What?

Last week, she's breaking in and stealing. Last night, she's drinking

falling 15 feet off a bloody wall. Hang on, John. I know you're upset. You can't

blame Ben, for God's sake. He was the one trying to get it done. It was your

fault for upsetting her so much. She told me you called her a cold -hearted

little bitch the other night. That's lovely coming from your own mother,

it? You have no idea what it's been like bringing her up on my own. No idea

whatsoever. Are you for real?

It's what you wanted.

I didn't ask you to have an affair and divorce me, Jan. Or had you forgotten

that? Right, just stop this.

Ridiculous. And completely inappropriate.

Christ, who'd want to come out of a coma without a listen to you two at each

other's throats all day?

Morning. Looking all over for you.

Thank you.

Oh, I didn't get much sleep last night.

So, you haven't been sleeping at all, I know.

It's just a bad bit of big without you in it.

When will it rain?

Two days now, so... I know.

I'll keep...

Thinking about the last time I saw her.

Why didn't I just lift her over?

Come on, don't do this. No, I should have stood up for her.

Do you remember that night she told me how much she misses me? Of course you

So I've been thinking when she gets better, I'm going to really stop

to her and take notice. I'm not going to really be there for her when she needs

me, even when she doesn't need me.

I'm going to stop being so... Caught off in my own stupid little life. It was an

accident, Michael. And she's going to come first.

Because I've been so selfish and self -centred.

But when she gets better, all that's going to change. And what if she

I'm just saying.

Michael.

Michael. She's come round.

Look at them march.

I mean, they may as well stick a red light on the roof and a watch call in

window. The amount of debauchery using out of that house.

A married man, no less.

And a dresser.

We're all finding it terribly exciting.

Aren't we again?

Ah, it's like being in a dirty French film.

We

heard

the good news. You must be over the moon.

Well, she's not out of the woods yet, but she's up and talking, so... I'll

things out at my house, have a shower, and then I'll pop over.

Oh, what a day. Actually, Stel, do you mind if, um...

I just think I need to be on my own for a bit, get my head together.

Of course.

You all right, are you?

Yeah, I just need to get some sleep and stuff before I go back to the hospital.

You know where I am?

Yeah.

You were a man.

I never thought I'd be any good at something like that. When Dad gets his

inheritance, he's going to buy me the next one up, aren't you?

Definitely. You can have ten.

Well, let's cross bridges when we come to them, shall we?

He doesn't know you. There isn't any actual inheritance.

Now, hear what I've got to tell you.

No, I'm going up the hospital with my mum. Yeah, I'll have one, with the

marshmallows. I'll put the marshmallows on, don't worry.

How is she, by the way?

Well, she's talking and that.

She can't walk properly yet. No, I mean your mum.

I've been a bit worried about her.

She's all right?

See you later, lads. Yeah.

See your dad's girlfriend now, like?

Papa? Yeah. They have sex and everything.

Oh, gross.

How do you know?

In a pants in the bathroom.

Yeah,

right. So you never touched a single drop of alcohol till you were 18.

No, I did not, Katie, because that is the law.

Honestly, Michael Jackson, you're such a big fat liar.

How dare you?

Hiya. Oh,

my God, look at your leg. That is well a mess.

Hello.

Who took off the anger from your feet?

Not for me, she is.

Yeah, go on, then.

I am so going to tag all over that cast.

That's wicked.

You'll do no such bloody thing, Benjamin Murray.

They're not going to come home tomorrow.

Oh, my God, so soon. Yeah.

24 -hour care, of course.

Of course.

So I'm going to just let Jan's for a bit, you know, help settle her in.

Jan or Katie?

I think that's a really good idea.

Michael, have you got any tens?

Do you think he's rejecting mine?

Oh, hello, stranger.

What are you doing up here?

Just been to see a man about a field.

What? Yeah, I'm thinking of buying one.

Once the money from the house comes through, like.

Oh, you were buying a boat, someone said.

Well, I changed my mind.

I get C60s, so a bit of a non -starter, that one.

But a field?

There's all sorts of possibilities with a field.

You can rent it out to cows or geese or something.

Or hire it out for weddings.

Promise me you'll never change.

I'll try.

So... Hello.

What is it?

Oh, I don't know, Al.

I don't want to be paranoid and that.

But it feels like it's going a little bit wrong with me and Michael.

See who comes?

Since the accident.

He spends all his time over Jan's.

I understand.

It's because of Katie.

But I've not seen him except one evening when he came over to pick up some

clothes. And even then, he only had a few words for me.

Are you a mouse or a woman, fella Morris?

Or a man?

What? Look, us fellas are a bit thick.

We need you women to tell us what to do.

Give us step -by -step instructions.

And he's probably not realised he's acting like a twat.

He's so worried about Katie and making things right for her, he's forgotten all

about you.

So I'm in?

Stop being so polite, man. Get down there and sort him out.

It's him.

He's got to give me chilli tonight.

Yeah, I see.

Bit of dinner? Bit of... Be back in the game.

Why did you ring? You should have just come in.

Oh, I don't know. I didn't like to... Ah,

and I'm Briscoe. Excellent.

This is a silly little... thing, really.

No, no, no. It's funny.

Come on in, then.

Well, I hope you're hungry, because I've made loads.

You know me. Always ravenous.

Do you want me to open this, or is it just a joke? Oh, God, no, you don't have

to. We've got a lovely Merlot reading here.

Perfect.

So... How is she?

Oh, God, Stella. So well.

She's not moving about much yet, but she's reading and watching DVDs and

bored, which Jan thinks is a really good sign.

Is she?

And how is Jan?

Good. Really good.

Obviously hugely relieved.

As I am.

Try this.

Very nice.

So, Katie's got another scan on Tuesday.

Then hopefully it's just a matter of rest and recuperation for a few weeks.

And we've had a chance to really talk about things, you know, and she's really

opened up about how she was feeling.

Keeping so much to herself.

Heartbreak. Michael, are you finishing with me?

Just say it.

I planned how I wanted to tell you because it's really complicated.

It's not though, is it?

You're going back to Jan because you think that's what Katie wants.

Well, I thought she was okay with it all, you know.

Divorced, but clearly she wasn't, so... I've got to put her food in first.

You're making a huge mistake.

That makes it sound... You and Jan can't stand each other. She humiliates you.

Well, it's not been too bad the past few days. You said you treat the clients

better than you, and you certainly don't love each other.

Yeah, but... Love isn't, you know... What?

Love isn't what?

What? That's not everything, is it?

It is in my book.

Please don't do it, Michael.

I don't really have a choice.

You do.

Choose me.

Surprise! It's a house in Chichester. It's a new start for all of us. We are

gathered here today to witness the marriage of Luke Morgan and Zoe Stewart.

You do realize you are destroying this entire family, don't you?

Stella Morris, would you do me the honor of becoming my...