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[instrumental "The Marines’ Hymn"]

[music continues]

[indistinct yelling]

(male #1) ’I didn’t think the Marines would keep their promise’

when they said they’d show me the world.

[woman laughing]

’There’s a little wiggle that has a meaning of its own.’

Hey, Bill, how’s your rumba, huh?

- Oh. - ’Now, don’t get so prissy.’

Rumba’s a dance, you stupid.

The rumba? Si, si, senor.

[speaking Spanish]

Isn’t that hot, boys? Mucho gusto!

Rumba, eh? I haven’t seen anything like this

since I took my watch apart.

Hey!

[laughter]

Hey, Bill, lay low. Hey, Bill.

[shushing]

If you must "shush," shush in time to the music.

Jiggers, Bill, jiggers.

Oh, jiggers yourself. You brought us here.

’Bill!’

[men singing in Spanish]

Lieutenant colonel, what’s this?

(both) Believe it or not, sir, we’re awaiting for..

...telegraph station to send in report.

- We ran into trouble, sir. - I can see that.

What’s your explanation for being here?

Well, they said there was a telegraph station

here, hereabouts.

But it wasn’t working, sir.

No. We-we got shot down.

But-but-but we got even. We killed one of them.

Where’s the body?

- Sir, it was a horse. - We couldn’t bring it with us.

We’ve had 40 planes in the air and 2 ground patrols

searching for you everywhere since dawn.

This binge of yours has cost the government a small fortune.

Consider yourselves under arrest.

Return to your quarters.

[instrumental "The Marines’ Hymn"]

[instrumental music]

Take a look, soldier. Our New York barracks.

And Times Square only two blocks away.

I hope you can write.

You gotta sign a contract, you know.

My X is as good as yours.

Well, don’t ya, don’t ya get it, Toodles?

They moved. Moved to bigger offices.

[toilet flushing]

What do you want?

I’m looking for the Universal Air Transport outfit.

[laughing]

You mean they’re up on another floor?

No.

They’re up in the air. Blew up. They’re out of business.

[laughing]

[Bill whistling]

Things are so tough in this town they got two bread lines.

- Alright, what’s the answer? - One for white and one for rye.

Been only two months. You’re lettin’ failure go to your head.

Wish I was back getting shot out of airplanes. That’s a cinch.

Why don’t you chew this cereal ad for change?

Might taste like cornflakes.

I hate puns...

(both) ...and coffee!

Scram out of those glad rags.

My turn to get kicked out of offices.

If I lose another ounce, your pants won’t fit me.

If you’d sew your own panties, we could hunt jobs together.

Sewing is a woman’s job.

But I can run you up a hook rug if you insist.

You must carry your own special set of mallets

to get all the holes you do.

Would you give me that shirt and tie?

Lay off, Bill, where’s your own?

In the bathtub getting last week’s gravy taken off.

Well, don’t get rough.

And I just found 50 cents. Let’s throw a banquet tonight.

Oh, swell. It’s getting so my stomach does nip-ups

every time it hears a nickel drop in an automat slot.

[instrumental music]

Hello there, lonesome.

Why so sad on such a beautiful day--

Save your chatter, bright eyes. I’m out of circulation.

Well, I still say it’s a lovely day.

What are you selling, weather reports?

Don’t waste your time. I’m broke.

You would be.

Well, I guess the depression’s hit every business.

Oh, you got me wrong, buddy.

I’m a stenographer without a typewriter to pound

a piece of gum to chew or a place to put it.

Tsk tsk tsk.

Park the body, honey. Squat.

Thank you, suh.

- Mississippi? - No, suh.

Sugarville, Alabama, had me.

- But New York’s got me. - Okay, Alabama.

- I’m from Texas. - So what?

- How long since you’ve eaten? - Well..

Oh, now, don’t tell me you don’t remember.

Yesterday, but you see, uh..

...I’m on sort of a diet for my figure.

Hmm. Well, your figure ain’t wrong.

Come on. I gotta make a deposit on the Brooklyn Bridge.

Then we’ll wrestle with about four bits’ worth of ham and egg.

Guess I picked out the right guy after all.

You said it, honey.

I’m a guy who doesn’t care what he does with his money.

Well, I’ll forgive that ham for a day’s bad work.

If you put some salt on it, it’ll taste younger.

No kiddin’. Aren’t you hungry?

No, I’m just workin’ up an appetite.

What are you doing tonight?

You know a trusted innkeeper with a wooden leg?

Why don’t you dig in with me? I got a room.

I only owe two weeks’ rent.

Say...do I look like that?

This is no proposition.

You’re out in the rainstorm and you haven’t got an umbrella.

I’ll sleep in the chiffonier drawer if you like.

’Can you cook?’

Say, I’ve taken medals with a fryin’ pan.

Then, it’s all settled.

I’ll hire you as my cook and I’ll pay you for..

...well, the space on the parlor couch.

You help me and I’ll help you. How’s that kiddo?

Well, I could weaken with a little coaxin’.

Not necessary. It’s all settled.

- Come on. You finished? - Uh-huh.

Great. Come on, let’s go.

Oh. I just happened to think I don’t even know your name yet.

Patricia Brent. Pat to you.

Thanks. Mine’s Bill Keller.

Patricia...Pat.

Sounds kinda la-di-da to me. I like Alabama better.

Okay, Texas.

- Hey, buddy! - Huh.

40 cents on the line.

Oh.

Oh, yes. I forgot.

Thank you. Good day.

[both chuckle]

You know I’m funny this way at times like this.

Yeah. So am I.

[laughing]

Of course, this isn’t exactly Park Avenue

but we have two kinds of water. Cold and colder.

I’ve seen worse.

Just can’t remember when, huh?

Bill, do you see what I see?

Oh. Oh, you wouldn’t eat a cat.

Not, not raw, I mean.

Stupid, look.

Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.

Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.

’Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.’

(Bill) ’I always have had a way with fish.’

(Alabama) ’And women?’

[both laughing]

♪ Me and my girl went strollin’ ♪

♪ She had no home I had my key ♪

♪ But we both kept right on strollin’ ♪

Hiya, Betsy Ross, what are you doin’? Sewin’ on a new star?

- Hiya, kid. Any breaks? - Yeah. Plenty.

- Just brought in a new roomer. - Yeah, I know. Political rumor.

Light wines and beers just around the corner.

Ah, no, a boarder, stupid, a boarder.

Somebody nice to brighten up the house.

How do you do? Are you nuts?

Miss. Alabama, I want you meet Mr. Toodles Cooper.

He knits, sews, embroiders and darns.

And makes the nicest little lace doilies in his spare time--

Have you gone crazy? Where did you get her?

Alabama will stay here until we meet the sidewalk face to face.

But we can’t feed ourselves let alone a dame.

Don’t worry about that. She’s feedin’ us.

- Look what she brought us. - I hate fish.

By vulcanizing these I can give them an extra thousand miles.

I apologize for my clothes, but you sort of took me unawares.

So I see, but don’t you worry. I got six brothers.

Don’t bother about him. He’s always like that at first.

- Bashful like, you know. - Where is she gonna sleep?

- On the couch in here. - In my bed?

- Hmm. - I don’t hardly know the girl.

Oh. Now, don’t be rude, Toodles. Remember what I taught you.

- In my bed? Are ya crazy? - Listen, you piece of bad luck.

- Madam, I meant no aspersions.. - You’ve got an awful nerve.

[all talking at once]

Order in the house!

Alright.

If you don’t pay any attention to him, he goes away.

’You know there’s a nasty rumor’

’that he was brought up in an army stable.’

I’ve been expecting you.

I knew you were too good to be true.

I just wanted to see how you’re gettin’ on.

Yeah. I’ve heard that one before.

And I don’t need to be tucked in neither.

Where are you goin’?

The YWCA.

Oh, now, wait a minute. You got me wrong.

Honest. It’s not gonna happen again. Not while I’m sober.

Well, I’ll take a chance.

Back to your cell, monk.

(Toodles) ’Hmm.’

Pleasant dreams, sweetheart. No talking in your sleep now.

(Toodles) ’I wouldn’t do this for anybody but you, Bill.’

Not even Greta Garbo?

’Oh, well, but she’s out of town.’

Alright.

Why didn’t you come out here before, Bill?

Toodles gave this place the double-o last month

so there wasn’t anything doing.

Park yourself here. I’ll be back.

- What are you gonna do? - I’m gonna sniff around.

And make me a job.

Make it snappy, Joe, and order up those rocker arms.

And test those lead wires again.

I wouldn’t oil those rocker arms too much. They’ll spill on ya.

Somebody’s been to a correspondence school.

Keep your pants on, brother.

I was flying airplanes when you thought joystick was a lollipop.

Hey, who is this smart Kiwi?

A smart Kiwi with 3400 hours on his army discharge.

- Well, why didn’t you say so? - I’m lookin’ for a job.

Where do you find the nitwits for the chute exhibitions?

Well, we take on all first-class nitwits at 75 bucks a week.

- How about me for today? - Hard up?

- Sure. - Ever use an exhibition chute?

I invented the first one out of my grandmother’s petticoats.

- Wanna try it? - Yeah.

- ’Maybe we can fix it, huh?’ - Okay. Come on.

I’m simply thrilled. I’ve never seen a parachute jump before.

[stuttering] Ah, it’s no b-b-bang unless the jumper s-smears himself.

Oh, that would be horrible.

[stuttering] Yeah, well, I’ve seen t-two jumpers

scatter their spare parts all over this field.

- ’Gee, it was great.’ - ’Oh.’

[man laughs]

If this one don’t work, we’ll give you another one.

Say, for 75 bucks I’d jump with my aunt Agatha’s umbrella.

[laughter]

Darn nice of you boys to give me this chance.

- Oh, forget it. - Come on, let’s go.

- Good luck. - Thanks.

(male #2) ’There he goes.’

’He must need the money to make it that way.’

Bill!

Bill!

- Stop it. It’s not worth it. - No, no. Oh, no.

He’ll be alright, lady, if he’s half as good as he says he is.

Oh, Bill.

Isn’t there some way of stoppin’ him?

Well, you might drop him a postcard.

They’ll change in about 2500 feet.

Oh!

[screams]

Well, the worst is over, lady. The chute’s open.

But he’s fallin’ so fast.

Well, he’s gotta come down.

Ha. That looks very simple to me.

Yeah? Well, anytime you get ready to try it

I’ll buy you a parachute.

Oh, he’s gonna drop on the tracks! Oh!

[train whistle blowing]

[train whistle blowing]

He hit the train!

[siren blaring]

Bill!

Oh, Bill!

Oh, Bill, why did you do that?

- Hello, honey. - Are you hurt?

- Did the train hit you? - No.

No, I’m just waiting for the ambulance.

It’s too far to walk back.

I might’ve known it. The mug. No injuries.

No injuries? [laughing]

What about my pride?

Don’t you ever do it again, Bill.

Alright, but it’s just as easy as fallin’ off a log. Honest.

You know, they would give me a check instead of cash.

Run home and break the good news to Toodles

and I’ll bring home a truckload of groceries.

- Don’t lose it. - I’ll see you in about an hour.

(male #3) ’It’s a bed of roses for any guy who drives a car.’

’Pays 200 a month. You can knock off the meals free too.’

Oh, that’s too good to be true.

Well, she’s a Mrs. Newberry. Name’s in the phonebook.

65, Park Avenue.

Sounds like a lulu. What’s the hitch?

This dame goes in for a lot of class.

You gotta have a uniform and a profile.

- Well, I’ve got the uniform. - Yeah, but that profile..

♪ ...was down in the Lehigh Valley ♪

♪ Me and my girl went strollin’ ♪

- Toodles, do you mind terribly? - No, I don’t mind.

Look, are you sure this is the right way to set a table?

Haven’t I told you salad forks belong to the left of the plate?

- ’But we ain’t got any salad.’ - What’s difference?

The forks belong to the left.

That’s the darnedest superstition I ever heard of.

Bill said he’d be here in an hour.

That was four hours ago.

He’s probably on a bender somewhere.

You know, playin’ mountain goat, jumping from jag to jag.

I don’t know whether I like you better talkin’ or singin’.

I bet he’s havin’ an awful time breakin’ that check.

He’s got me breaking out in a rash.

Hi, kids.

- Bill! - How do you like it?

You’ve been commissioned on that show, The Roxies.

Boy, I’ll knock her crazy when she sees this.

Knock who crazy?

I got a job waitin’ for me with a certain Mrs. Newberry

on Park Avenue.

Has she signed you up yet?

- I got an interview tomorrow. - Oh, that’s swell!

We got money and he’s got a job.

Well, no, not exactly. You see...see, it’s this way.

I-I-I thought that as long as we haven’t eaten in so long that

it wouldn’t really matter if we went one day more.

Where’s them 75 bucks?

On my back. The uniform cost me 100 bucks including the putz

and the tailor told me that he’d chop off 25 seeing it was me.

- You like it? - Oh, I love it!

And me so empty, a pat on the stomach echoes.

Mine is a heavy car.

I can do everything, but lift it, Mrs. Newberry.

It’ll require a lot of handling.

I suppose you’re used to heavy work?

Oh, the heavier the better.

Would mind removing your coat, please?

Well, no. No, not at all.

In the past my chauffeurs have been

rather handy about the house.

I mean fixing little gadgets and taking care of things.

Have you, have you had any experience of that sort?

Oh. Well, I can almost fix gadgets.

You seem to be very well built, young man.

Would you mind turning around again?

Let’s see that arm.

- No. - Oh.

- Hmm. - I can crack walnuts in there.

My, you’re athletic.

You can report for work immediately.

Call for me this evening at 8:15.

We’re going to the Music Box.

Okay, lady.

Very good, Keller

but please remember that my car isn’t an airplane.

Hey, call for us at 11:15

and mind you, don’t be late my boy.

- Been waitin’ long? - No, we just got here.

- Few minutes. - How about takin’ a ride?

- Well.. - We better not, Bill.

Oh. Come on.

Oh. Not so fast.

Get in there.

[instrumental music]

Look at those stars.

Ah, it’s a swell night, ain’t it?

Awfully swell. Did you ever study astronomy?

No.

Just anatomy.

I mean the study of heavenly bodies.

Well..

I wonder if those stars were wise to us two days ago, huh?

Maybe. They wink a lot.

Say, what’s it all about anyway?

I was sittin’ on a bench just like this

you come along and now we have a limousine waiting for us.

- It’s like a cockeyed dream. - Hmm.

Cockeyed is right.

I hope it stays nice and cockeyed.

Yeah. Me too.

- Are you interested in art? - I love it.

Well, for a cup of coffee and a steak

I’ll trade you this fine lady.

I ain’t a ladies man. Nothin’ doin’.

Sure it’d be worth a hamburger sandwich.

She ain’t worth nothin’ to me. I got a Ford and a wife.

- Go on. Scram. - Oh, now, wait a minute..

Hy!

For cryin’ out loud.

You know what time it is?

- Who cares? - It’s 11 o’clock!

Good heavens, I’ve to be at the theater at 11:15.

Snap out of it, baby.

I knew a dame would spoil things just when you landed a good job.

Oh, don’t be like that. Come on, Alabama.

[tires squealing]

Look at him go.

Not so fast, Bill.

[sire blaring]

You hear, they’re after ya.

[tires squealing]

[tires squealing]

Who do you think you are?

Where do you think you’re goin’?

- What’s eatin’ you, buddy? - Don’t get fresh, fella.

I clocked you doing 65 down Broadway.

Gentlemen, gentlemen, has my chauffeur been driving too fast?

He went through a dozen red lights and safety zones.

Well, I’m, I’m very, very sorry.

Young man, there’s a speed law in this town

and you must observe it.

It’s alright, general. I’ll look out for my chauffeur.

It won’t happen again.

Okay, Mr. Weber, seein’ it’s you.

- It’s Mr. Weber, fellows. - Alrighty, Mr. Weber.

Drop into my office sometime. I’ll be very glad to see you.

- ’Goodnight, Mr. Weber.’ - Goodnight.

- Goodnight, dear. - Goodnight, darling.

I’ll be expecting you for cocktails tomorrow.

Very good. Tomorrow at 5. Goodnight.

Where to?

Home, Keller.

We’re going home, Keller.

Yes, Mrs. Newberry.

- I hope Bill likes his job. - He’d better like it.

We gotta eat and pay room rent.

Our landlady’s so broke she wants to move in with us.

Mrs. Newberry.

I beg your pardon, but, uh..

...h-how’s chances for a salary advance?

You know, it’s a bit chilly.

Can you make a fire, Keller?

Yessum.

Then come up. Make me a fire.

We’ll talk.

Hey, Bill. Did you ask her?

She’s comin’ across with some cash now

but I gotta go up and build a fire.

What are ya? A visiting fireman?

A fire? That dame looks plenty hot to me.

I won’t be long. You just stay here and pout till I come back.

Okay, but that fire racket burns me up.

[chuckles]

Oh, there you are.

Well, that’s splendid, Keller.

I think that’s got it.

Oh, don’t bother about your coat.

’I think you’ve earned yourself a drink first.’

Oh.

- You do drink? - Any given amount. Thanks.

Help yourself’ and pour me one while you’re at it.

Thanks.

’Make mine scotch.’

Thanks.

Would you make yourself comfortable?

I am. Thanks.

You act as if you’re afraid of me.

Me? No.

Oh, there’s not a woman on earth I can’t lick.

[laughing]

Tell me, what do you really think of me?

Well, I, uh..

Well, I think you are very democratic.

I’m glad you think so, Bill.

Well, here’s mud in your eye.

He’s been up there an hour, Toodles.

I wouldn’t take that long

to build a fire with a pocket lighter.

Maybe he’s rubbin’ two dry sticks together.

Look, one of the lights went out.

He’s making a few electrical repairs.

She probably works better in a dark room.

Like a developer.

I gotta sit down for a little while.

Well, it’s getting pretty late, Mrs. Newberry.

Before you go, there are several things I’d like to make clear.

Understand you’re not just an ordinary chauffeur.

I engaged you because I like you. You seem quite competent.

I think you will enjoy the position.

I suppose there’ll be considerable night work.

Oh, some.

Naturally you’ll receive compensation for overtime.

- Well, I suppose that I were-- - You mentioned salary advance.

I’m making an exception in your case.

All of my chauffeurs have been Frenchmen.

I think as a rule they are, they are more versatile.

You accept?

Okay.

50 million Frenchmen can’t be wrong.

Goodnight.

Pardon me.

Kurt!

- The chauffeur, I thought so. - Kurt, please don’t be angry.

- Let me explain. - Wait for me.

- Please. - Shut the door.

I’m extremely nervous.

You’ve got me all wrong, Mr. Weber.

This doesn’t look like a saunter through the primrose path--

I have seen enough.

I’m presenting you with a belly full of lead.

Do you realize if you pull that trigger

you’ll move the gun a fraction of an inch to the right?

That muscular contraction will fix the trajectory

to the right and downward.

To correct that at this range, aim at my left shoulder.

If you wish to puncture the heart.

Otherwise, you’ll get too low for

shall we say, permanent injury.

[scoffs] You speak like an authority.

I am. I’ve rubbed out a few in my day.

Oh? Hmm.

As a racketeer?

Well, for the Marines for two years in Nicaragua as a flier.

Hmm. Well, I, I must say you have courage to give advice

at a moment like this.

However, you...you may be lying.

Let me see you split the hands of that clock.

A bull’s eye if you don’t mind.

[gunshot and glass shatters]

Kurt, what have you done? You didn’t..

What are you doing?

Just killin’ time, lady, just killin’ time.

He’s quite alright, my dear. Profile and all.

I suggest you take a walk, a nice long walk, darling.

And don’t come back, you little bag or I’ll..

Well..

Now that we have turned this into a stag affair..

...would you, uh, take a little drink?

Try me.

I must admit you’re some shot.

Hey!

Oh, hello.

’You got a home?’

’I’m talking to you, sleeping beauty.’

We’re waiting for someone.

You better move on or you’ll be cooling your heels in the can.

Come on. Get going.

So, in a manner of speaking, I..

...I could use you, young man.

I like your, your intestinal fortitude.

Do you care what you do?

If I get paid, I work.

Do you object to cracking..

Or I should say denting the law a little here and there?

What law?

[laughs]

The one we all laugh at.

You see, I am an importer.

An importer of many things.

Of course I have other business interests

investments that take up my time.

Liquor is just a sideline with me.

Just to keep your own collar buttons, I suppose.

Yes.

See a man in my position cannot escape making enemies.

You’ve no idea how uneasy

I am without a stout wall or a stout friend behind my back.

You’re afraid?

No.

But I could use somebody to act as, uh..

...a private detective..

...or shall we say bodyguard.

Well, I’ll try anything once.

Good. Ha ha.

This is my office address.

I will expect you at 9:30 in the morning.

By the way how much does Mrs. Newberry pay you?

Two hundred a month.

Hmm. For everything?

For my all.

Gracious me, how extravagant some women can be.

I’ll pay you 150 and not one penny more.

That’s better than army pay.

In fact, that’s better than no pay at all.

Yes, indeed and it’s much better than being

shot climbing under a bed.

- ’Hello, Weber.’ - Have a chair.

This ain’t a social call and we ain’t staying that long.

No, well, I’m very sorry.

Yes, I sort of thought you’d be.

Now get this.

We’re through flying your whoopee water from Canada.

You’ve crossed us for the last time, Weber.

What about that two grand we got coming to us?

(Phil) ’Can the stowin’, or we’re gonna sock it outta ya.’

Gentlemen, you can’t collect a debt like this.

We’re living in the the 20th century not the dark ages.

Let’s go.

(Kurt) ’And, uh, what were you saying, Mr. Wilson?’

It’s your marbles this time, Weber

but you can’t carry that around with you.

We’ll be seeing you.

Strange businesses, eh, Bill?

They were very nice boys.

Yeah.

Yeah, I noticed that.

Odd, how men can change.

Maybe you’ll have to take over their department.

Now, you’re talking.

Been in that coup long, feels like I oughta crow.

Hey, those are my cigars you’re smoking.

Got a match?

If it doesn’t work can I have it?

I feel like I’m practicing to be a hermit being in there.

Well, you’re getting paid to be lonesome.

If there’s a job here they sure keep it outta my way.

Oh, don’t worry, Toodles, Bill’s into money now.

Hi, little kiddies. Papa’s home again.

Read me the funny paper, will you, daddy?

I sure will, gal.

You two are getting so intimate.

I get about as much privacy around here

as I do in the waiting room of the Grand Central Station.

I pay as much rent as you.

Go on. Beat it, soldier. Beat it.

Don’t say I don’t owe as much as you. I know how much I owe.

I’ll take care of her someday. What do you think of that?

Say, what’s the matter, Bill? Got a canary under your hat?

Oh, sorry, I forgot.

Did you get any breaks today?

No, I guess people have stopped writing letters.

I’ve got a sneaking idea there’s an oversupply

of typewriter messages.

You can’t make me mad by staying at home.

You can write four minute speeches to the landlady.

- I got to get a job. - Where are you goin’?

You’re in no hurry.

Can’t go on like this forever, Bill.

Why not? I think it’s swell.

Coming home here at nights, finding you fussing around and..

...reminding me to take my hat off.

Say, listen, when are you..

When are you gonna stop saying no to me?

I knew you were gonna spoil things.

No, no, no. I mean, I mean we can..

...get married.

- Married? - Yeah.

But you don’t know anything about me

or how old I am.

Oh, that’s alright.

You look over 18.

- The Excelsior Agency sent you. - Uh-huh.

Think there’s any chance for me?

That depends if Mr. Weber likes you.

’What type does he like?’

Oh, uh, lot of personality.

I’ll catch on.

Watch me.

- Who’s waiting? - ’Your new typist, Mr. Weber.’

- Let her in in a minute or two. - ’Yes, sir.’

If you don’t mind please there’s a visitor.

Those chorus dames you had last week weren’t so bad.

- Young man, you are outta line. - Alright, alright, I’m sorry.

Only pick me out a blonde, will ya?

And don’t breathe so loud and stop peeping.

Good morning, Mr. Weber. I’m Ms. Brent.

Oh, yes, won’t you come a little closer, please?

Well, what, uh, what experience have you had?

Three years, Mr. Weber.

Shorthand typing and..

I think I can make myself quite handy around the office.

Three years? Why don’t look 17.

(Patricia) ’I can look older if you want me to.’

[phone buzzing]

Yes, yes. What is it?

- ’Mr. Gardner’s in for you.’ - Gardner?

I’ll come out.

I’ll be right back, Ms. Brent. Help yourself to cigarettes.

- Make yourself at home. - Then the job is mine?

Need you ask?

- Bill? - This is the woman you are?

What’re you doing? Where’d you come from?

Never mind that, but you better start talking, big eyes.

Let me explain, please.

I don’t care that you like

a guy with dough. I heard and saw everything.

You’re wrong, Bill. A girl’s gotta kid away to get a job now.

Yeah, but you weren’t kidding.

[door opens]

You’ll report in the morning, Ms. Brent.

Thank you, Mr. Weber.

How many times must I tell you where your place is?

If you want this job, stay there.

Sorry, I thought I knew the dame.

Let me give you some advice

put women outta your mind when you’re working for me.

Okay, chief, that won’t be so hard now.

Well, I’m sending you to Canada tonight.

This feller you’ve been telling me about, this...Mr. Cooper.

Is he familiar with night flying?

Is he? We’re like a couple of bats.

If he’s good, I’ll look him over.

Have him at the airport tonight.

Now, look...you leave this point here, you fly north and..

Watchin’ out for those signal flares?

I don’t know if we’ve even crossed the border.

I saw three lights, but that must have been Albany.

There’s two rows of lights.

Guess it must be the spot.

Hope it ain’t main street Motley hall.

We’ll soon find out.

Hey! Where you been? We been expecting you all night.

Ran a hop duet with the angels.

I ran into a fog.

Jumpin’ grasshoppers, it’s cold.

- Ain’t this Canada? - Sure this is Canada.

Well, what about the hospitality?

[laughing]

- I’ll take it. - ’Hey. Hey.’

- Just a minute. - Hurry up, Bill.

Take your drink, will ya?

I’m freezing to death. Hurry up, will ya? Thanks.

Go ahead. Hurry up. Take your drink..

I just got this.

We’re stopping all cabin planes.

- Might mean some fun. - Hmm, let’s hope for the best.

What the country needs is a good $5 case of mucilage.

- Alright, come on. Let’s go. - Hey. Hey. Don’t forget this.

Why the typewriter?

Weber don’t want nobody to stop you.

Did you ever hear of hijackers?

Well, if anybody says stop

you just spit in their eye with this.

Clippin’ hijackers ain’t in my contract.

Oh, oh, boy.

Their paying a bounty on hijackers.

And this is for Weber, personally.

Maybe it’s a laced nighty.

Yeah.

(male #1) ’If anything goes wrong...dump it overboard.’

Okay.

Come on, Toodles, get the stick.

You better step on it. It’ll be daylight in an hour.

[engine revving]

Come on sing baritone.

[trying baritone singing]

♪ Down in the Lehigh Valley ♪

♪ Me and my gal went slowly ♪

♪ We had no home she had no key ♪

♪ But we both kept right on rolling ♪

[engine revving]

You think they’re hijackers?

I’m gonna shoot his gas tank. Don’t know if he ain’t a buddy?

Oh, well, it’s all in the game. Just good clean fun.

Guess he takes his hijacking seriously, huh?

That’s got him.

And is his face red.

[crashes]

[gunshots]

[crashes]

Boy, that was like old times, huh?

You said it.

You know, there’s nothing so tasty

as a half-shot hijacker for breakfast.

Chief, they got you spotted.

Yeah. I’m no fool I can smell.

Then you better fog Crowley and Wilson.

Don’t you get it?

The border patrol tries to nail your plane after them two rats

pay a visit to the dry squad.

I’ve been thinking..

Say the word and I’ll handle ’em.

Hey, Bill.

You’d better go and stretch your legs for a little while.

I don’t need to workout.

Our conversation might be over your head.

Or below the belt.

- See you later, Steve. - Yeah.

Don’t knock off anymore government planes.

Lay off, will you? I thought they were hijackers.

Oh, we’ve all forgiven you.

Bear-haired boy goes for the new stenographer.

Well, I hadn’t noticed it.

She’s a nice kid.

Gave me a big smile when I eased in.

That’s only because Ms. Brent’s a very charming young lady

that she didn’t laugh out loud.

[typewriter clicking]

How many times do I have to tell you I’m sorry?

You’re no mammy seal.

The less you say the better.

You didn’t have to move out.

I don’t want any charity from you or from anybody.

I had to have a job

and when I got the chance with Weber I had to make the grade.

As for what you overheard it meant

as much as a politician’s promise.

Okay, Alabama. I’m sorry. I’m wrong. I’m wrong. I’m wrong.

You didn’t believe me when I wanted you to

now it doesn’t matter.

Hello. That you, Crowley?

Weber speaking.

My dear friend

I look over my books and I find that I’ve made a great error.

I do owe you and Wilson that $2,000.

It’s about time you woke up, Weber.

Shall I pick up the cash at the office?

I’m leaving here shortly but..

...few boys will drop into the 51 Club

this evening, say about 10.

I see that you get all that’s coming to you.

I’ll be expecting you.

Goodbye.

Hello? Detective bureau.

Lt. Coffey, please.

Hello, that you, Lt. Coffey?

This is Weber speaking. How are you?

Oh, that’s splendid.

Say, as a taxpayer I deserve a little police protection.

I’ve just been threatened with bodily harm

by two former employees.

Tom Crowley and Phil Wilson.

Sure, I’ll be glad to help you out, Mr. Weber.

Where? Oh, you’ll be at the 51 Club tonight.

Alright, I’ll have my men there.

Thanks. I’ll be very glad to defray all expense.

Goodbye.

Hello, Crowley. Steve Donovan.

Yeah, swell.

Say listen, I’ll give you a little tip.

Don’t trust Weber any further than you can heave a truck.

Come hilt, pal.

Yeah.

This is the 51 Club.

We’ll hold your table.

Alright.

[instrumental music]

Where did you get the elegant burlap?

Where did you get the tux?

Mr. Weber bought it for me.

Mr. Weber took me bye-bye too.

- Do you like it? - What there is of it.

(Kurt) ’Children, children, don’t quarrel over your clothes.’

I provided Ms. Brent with this gown so she’d be my guest.

You wouldn’t deny a lonely man the company of a pretty girl.

Oh.

Neither will she.

All set.

- Go do it. - The kid takes the wrap?

(Steve) ’Hey, kid, there’s a couple of patsies outside getting smart.’

’Wanna give me a hand?’

- Well.. - ’Better go along, Bill.’

You know, I was thinking you should never wear anything but..

...but black.

These mugs get gay, remember they pack their rods here.

- Is it gonna be that serious? - You never can tell.

- Hello, boys. - Hello, Steve, how are you?

Hi, Steve.

Who’s the shadow?

(Steve) ’He’s alright.’

We’re all alumni of Weber’s college.

- Yeah, sit down. - Have a chair.

I will if you let me buy. What do you think?

Make it easy on yourself.

Alright, boys, what will you have?

- I’ll just have the same. - That will do me.

Hey, it’s a good thing you ain’t married, Crowley.

- There’s rouge on your pan. - What?

Bill. Bill, come here.

(Crowley) ’What did you say?’

Rouge on your pan.

Oh.

[all screaming]

Hello, Coffey.

Looked like he was reaching for his gun.

What could I do?

Came to buy ’em a drink and they try to bump me.

[instrumental music]

Hmm. That’s funny.

He reached for his hip pocket

and got his rod slung under his arm.

We’ll have to hold you temporarily.

On a technical charge, Steve.

Sure you can’t help that, Coffey.

I got plenty of witnesses. It was self-defense.

You better start phoning.

Hey, the fashion plates home already.

I just had a nice, long walk all for nothing.

Took this package to a Dr. Gleeson

he wasn’t home, Robert told me not to leave it.

It’s like the one we brought back from Canada.

Hey, what’s biting at you?

I bet Alabamy’s made up with you and you’re sore

because you haven’t got anybody to fight with.

I just saw two men slaughtered.

Murdered?

Who did it?

Weber and Steve.

They used the handkerchief gag.

Steve told Crowley that he had a smudge

when he reached for his handkerchief

Steve gave him the works.

The cops said it looked like self defense

because Crowley reached for his hip.

The less we see of that guy Weber the better I like it.

Steve did his job and did it well.

And Weber’s going to expect the same thing from me.

You’re right.

I’m not gonna give him a chance to ask!

I’m kissing him goodbye in the morning.

That’s all, chief.

Bless my soul.

I’m to be raided by the police at last?

Well, let them come.

I don’t want to be found here. Me out on bail.

Watch how you pack those.

They represent $50,000 or more

and be careful when you carry them.

Me carry ’em? Guess again.

It’s your white-haired boy.

I wouldn’t be found dead with ’em.

Not getting yellow, are you?

And I desire my resignation..

To take effect at once.

So long as it takes what do I care?

Very truly yours, William Keller.

Alabamy, type out one of those for me, will you?

- I go with Bill. - Now you’re talking, Toodles.

Why..

Why, you can’t leave me in a position like this.

Help me out just this once and..

...your resignations will be accepted.

How about it, boys?

Make it a sporting proposition.

I hate to let a guy down.

If you say it’s okay, Bill.

Alright, Weber, what’s the job?

Cooper, you take this bag and you follow with the other.

Uh, just one moment, I go with you, Bill.

Better get along.

What are in these?

A lot of things.

Base drums maybe.

Get along. Get along.

So long, Bill.

Bye, Mr. Weber. So long, Steve.

’Yeah.’

Down this way.

I’m getting out of here before the law blows in.

So you are turning yellow, eh, Steve?

Listen, if it was only liquor I wouldn’t care but when--

Hold on a minute.

You mean to tell me we’ve been flying something else, dope.

Now, Bill, my boy. Don’t get excited.

Nah, it’s only ten years in the federal pen.

So these bags they’re full of that junk.

If they ever catch Toodles they’ll..

’Kill him!’

I loathe using these methods

but I need you know.

Do what I say or I may lose my temper.

[knock on door]

- ’Open this door.’ - Who’s there?

’Taxman. Open up before we kick it in.’

One moment, please.

- ’Open this door.’ - Where are you goin’?

We’re going to follow Cooper.

Get that tapestry. Quick.

Open that door.

Toss ’em in.

[banging on door]

Weber!

Weber, open the door.

Weber!

Weber! Weber, open it please.

Weber!

Capt. Mason.

- Wind her up. - Turn her over.

Come on, fellers.

[indistinct singing]

Aren’t we still over New York? I told you to cut into England.

Say, lay off the backseat driving, will you?

- You double-cross me.. - Oh, I wouldn’t do that.

My life is in your hands. Just like yours is in mine.

[laughs]

Hey, Toodles!

Hi, Bill.

Okay.

[crashes]

[gunshots]

[gunshots]

[crashes]

Lucky they’re alive.

- Who are you? - Mickey Mouse.

Don’t get fresh.

That mug at the stick tried to frame me.

This is Weber fellers wanted for running dope.

Be careful he’s packing a rod too.

He shot me down and I swore I’d get him.

You sure did, soldier.

Gee, I’d hate to tangle with a guy like you.

I ain’t so tough.

You don’t think so

but what’s opinion against thousands of others.

If that guy had a job he’d take it himself.

If it wasn’t for Alabama I’d blow this deadfall in a minute.

We got to find that kid somewhere.

Bill, you got it bad.

It’s a shame you weren’t vaccinated for love.

You know, like small pox and the rest.

Every time I see a girl with her figure my heart just

you know, rolls over.

But it’s always the wrong..

You’ve got to go back as an unlisted man.

Confidentially, between you and me

I’d go back as stomach-bearer to the colonel.

Hey, Bill, come on in.

This is our pigeonhole. Three meals a day, no worries.

Lot’s of dames, plenty of excitement.

Sure can take punishment.

Bill.

Don’t write to me till..

I can’t read.

Clerk.

- Yes, sir. - Sign this man up.

[instrumental music]

Alabama!

Alabama, wait!

Hey, Alabama.

Where’d she go? She’s about 5ft 2". Blonde, blue eyes.

- They all look alike. - You’re no help.

Wait a minute. Let them out first.

- Where’d she go? She’s 5ft 2". - I don’t know.

(Bill) ’Well, I’m gonna go through this building..’

(female #1) ’Yes.’

Pardon me, have you seen her..

Hold on, please.

She’s got blonde hair and blue eyes.

Was it related to a separation

or correspondent in divorce suit.

We’re not even married yet.

Then you won’t find her here.

Once again..

Have you, have you seen her she’s about..

- Who? - What is it you want?

I’m sorry.

Sorry.

I’ll do my best, Mr. Hocheimer.

- Alabama! - Well, what is it, young man?

Excuse me, while we discuss something personal.

I got three things to ask.

First, have you got two dollars? Quickly.

- Yes. - Fine that’s settled.

Second, will you marry me?

- Bill, I don’t understand-- - Great, that’s settled too.

Now, look, third, Toodles.

You know, Toodles has rejoined in the marines.

If you and I get married that means I’ve got to support you.

Now, I thought you wouldn’t mind if..

...I rejoined too, huh, would you?

- You will not! - Well, that’s settled.

Good day, sir. Come on.

[instrumental music]