Original subtitles

Lately, President Trump has been introducing a slew of new reporters to

White House press pool, including social media star and fellow forehead

American, Benny Johnson.

Lucky for us, he's not afraid to hold the powerful accountable and ask the

questions. Will the president consider giving the Presidential Medal of Freedom

to Big Balls?

That's a very important question.

It would be the first medal of freedom awarded to a human scrotum since Rush

Limbaugh.

Now, it is these kinds of bold and very

wrinkly questions that Benny Johnson has been asking for years on his creatively

titled programs like The Benny Show, The Benny Report, Benny Brews, and Benny on

the Block.

And, of course, Breaking Benny, Two and a Half Bennys, and The Kelly Clarkson

Show featuring Benny Johnson.

But before he was getting literally a billion views online, Benny worked at

storied news outlets like Breitbart, The Blaze, and BuzzFeed, where he honed a

unique perspective that was definitely authentic and original.

BuzzFeed announced it was firing its viral politics editor, Benny Johnson,

plagiarism. Johnson wholesale copied words and entire phrases from The

U .S. News & World Report, and even Yahoo Answers.

Wow.

How bad of a writer do you have to be to cheat on a BuzzFeed article with Yahoo

Answers?

The website that bravely asks, what if Wikipedia was written by guys who scrawl

graffiti in public toilets?

But, now that he's no longer at BuzzFeed, he's not forced to write

which Harry Potter house matches your Disney princess style?

I'm a Hufflepuff Moana, but that's beside the point.

Benny is now free to talk politics.

Give us a taste.

Every single thing you hate about your life right now, or American culture, is

caused by mass immigration.

American cities.

are treasures.

And we should not sacrifice them to the Mongoloid horde. White rage is how you

win a war.

Leftists are a death cult. Save this country from literal demons, from

Satanists, and from scum.

You Slytherin Elsa bitch.

Maybe we were too hard on plagiarism, you know?

Regardless, Benny's constant stream of vitriol and cruelty has reaped him

billions of views. Frankly, it blows my mind that someone this unoriginal and

derivative can garner such online attention and the ear of the president.

mean, what am I missing?

Some of the most famous, most viewed right -wing online influencers were

paid by Russia. Part of a Kremlin -backed campaign to fuel Russian

Among those stars, Benny Johnson.

Oh!

He's just being paid by foreign forces to destroy America from within.

Phew! I thought my neighbors actually liked the guy.

You know, and his popularity can't just all be Russia putting their finger on

the scale. Perhaps there's a star quality there.

Just show me the undeniable charisma, Benny.

That's the good, the first good question I've heard you ask. What is going on?

He dances like a Jabberwocky with polio.

Now, I know, I know J .D. Vance said we don't have to apologize for being white

anymore, but on behalf of the whites.

I'm sorry you all had to see that.

You know what? You know what? You know what?

You don't have to have coordinated limbs or a toddler's sense of rhythm to be

compelling. Hit us with your classic Benny Johnson charm and humor.

Welcome to the Benny Report.

I'm Batman.

Actually, I'm Benny Johnson.

Oh, okay.

Okay. For a second I thought he was Batman. You got me, Benny.

I'll tell you what, if you like that Batman reference, don't worry, there's

plenty more.

Have you ever watched The Dark Knight?

Arguably the greatest superhero film of all time.

The scene when Batman comes up through the floor and there's like seven bad

guys. And they're like, who is this?

And the big Batman just takes them all out. I want Batman to say Batman, not

turn into Antifa man. So, I'm a big Batman fan. We're going to begin by

Batman for your boy.

No, no, no, no, we are not.

We are adults and we do adult things.

Yes.

Adults. And we do adult things like crossword puzzles by orthotic inserts

drink quietly over the sink after our wife goes to bed.

We do adult things.

Yeah, Benny loves Batman so much.

He even released an AI video of himself dressed as Batman and punching

immigrants in a Walmart parking lot.

I know what you're thinking. You know, what a xenophobic and cruel vision of

Batman. But it's still better than the George Clooney one.

We're all thinking it. We're all thinking it.

And you know what? I know I'm going to hate this answer.

But what is it about the Caped Crusader you even like so much, Benny? Both Trump

and Batman are rich, mysterious, unpredictable guys. They own skyscrapers

Gotham. Okay.

So your favorite thing about Batman is that he's rich and owns buildings.

Benny, you don't like Batman, you like Bruce Wayne.

Benny Johnson watches Batman fighting the Joker like, boo, you're missing the

black tie gala for this.

I got to admit, Benny, Benny, you're running out of chances to win me over

Can you show me anything that proves you have the goods to speak truth to power?

What's up, guys? It's Benny. We are taking you inside Alligator Alcatraz

with President Trump in one of the most deadly spots on Earth, the middle of the

Florida Everglades.

Let's freaking cook.

This is going to be a wild one. We're going to rock and roll. So come along

us on an ice raid in Chicago.

Let's go.

Let's rock and roll.

Ooh, yeah, nothing says let's rock and roll like a quarter zip and some Warby

Parkers.

Although I will say, one thing I liked, not one mention of Batman.

Underneath Chicago, you recognize some of these tunnels from the actual Dark

Knight series.

God damn it!

Damn it!

For the last time, you are not Batman!

You're a thirsty influencer cosplaying as a journalist at best.

You are the nipples on George Clooney's Batman suit.

Yes.

Yes.

A gross appendage that years from now, history would prefer to forget.

At least I think that's true, according to Yahoo Answers.

I'm Jordan Klepper. Good night, and seriously, good f***ing luck.