Original subtitles

Oh, it's going to be so great tonight.

Everyone back together,

getting pissed in the school gym, we'll have a dance.

It will be like no time has passed. Can you do me up?

I feel stupid, cos no-one else is going to be dressed in a suit.

God, you're so grumpy today. Of course everyone'll be dressed up - it's a special occasion.

It's not my special occasion. I went to yours. Stop moaning.

All I'm saying is if your mate Nicole is there, she's definitely

not going to be dressed up. Leopard print counts as dressing up.

Well, not if you wear it literally every single day of your life.

I wonder who's going to have changed the most?

I saw on Simon's Instagram the other day that he's gotten, like,

super into body-building. What, little, tiny Simon? Yeah,

his neck's wider than his head now. Wow. Good for him.

Do you ever wish you could go back and do it again?

Absolutely not. Really? Oh, I'd love to. I think I'd do it differently.

Like, I'd appreciate it more - getting to learn things.

So, you're saying you wouldn't skip lessons to snog me behind the Asda?

Oh, no, I didn't say that.

Shit, we've got to go. Will you hurry up?

I'm literally ready, I've been... Yeah.

MUSIC: Bulletproof by La Roux

QUIETLY: Josh. Yeah, yeah. Josh!

One second.

You told me to mingle.

Seven.

Seven people turned up. Well...

..maybe there's a problem with the trains or something, hm?

Let me check. I'll... Yeah?

OK, I'll just...

Reception's better over here, so...

PHONE RINGS

VOICEMAIL: Hi, this is Fola,

leave a message or just send a text like a normal person.

Hi. Um... Er...

I don't think my texts are getting through,

so I thought I'd call, but, anyway, um, I think

I've been hacked. Yeah, um, some people have been saying they've

been getting some weird texts from me and, er...

Um...

Sorry, that is, um, a lie. I didn't get hacked.

Um, I was just trying to keep things light and sexy,

but I'm an idiot and I'm really sorry.

Um, and I'm really sorry for lying just now.

Um, but I'd really like to explain in person, so text me

if you want to meet up later.

Er, bye.

PHONE BUZZES

Oh, my God.

So you were literally left at the altar? Yeah.

Becky, are you... are you still with Leo? Oh, no.

We, um, we were together for about six months,

er, ten years ago.

Er, Tash? I feel like we haven't heard from you in ages.

You're not on Instagram or anything? I was in a Thai prison. I'm sorry?

For three months.

My boyfriend asked me to take a package on a flight to Laos and...

Yeah. Fucking hell!

That...that is wild.

Isn't...? Isn't that wild, babe?

Hm? Wild.

Yeah, that, um... Oh, God, that actually,

um, that actually reminds me of, um, when me and

Josh, we went to that big shopping centre - do you remember, babe? -

and, um, ah, the security guard at River Island thought that I'd nicked

something, when actually they'd just forgotten to take the tag off.

Yeah.

Yeah. That was a big day, wasn't it?

More punch, anyone?

I don't really drink. Nah.

MUSIC: Future Me Hates Me by The Beths

Finally, the princess deigns to join us.

Mwah. Look at me, I even got dressed up. Oh, my gosh, I am impressed.

Where are the others?

I'm really glad that you talked me into this.

I am so sorry, Fola. I did not know this was going to happen.

What are you talking about?

Hey, Fol.

Fola! I really don't want to see you.

Look, let me just say one thing, all right?

And then...then I'll leave.

Fine.

If what I did hurt you, then I really am sorry.

IF what you did hurt me?! You know I could still report you?

I've been going to therapy. Good.

Did your therapist tell you that you're a cunt?

You know, it was a bad time for me, too. Oh, give me a break.

Well, maybe you should be more careful with your pictures

next time, OK?

What are you doing?! Just put it in a bag of rice.

SHE SOBS

RINGING TONE

VOICEMAIL: Hey, it's Zack.

Please leave a message after the beep. Thank you.

Ah, Mrs Harpenson?

Do you guys remember Mrs Harpenson with the weird mole thing?

MESSAGE ALERT

Didn't we give the mole a name?

Remember? Cos it had those hairs.

You OK, babe? Yeah.

No, actually, um, I've got to go. There's an emergency at work.

On a Friday night? Yeah, they've, um, they've lost, um, the keys,

so they can't lock up properly. I'm really sorry.

Wait, you can't just... Wait, you can't just leave me on my own.

I should probably go. No! God, no. It's way too early to leave.

No, let's play a game. Um, let's play, Never Have I Ever.

Oh, sorry. That's OK. OK.

You start, Tash.

Fine! Um, never have I ever...

..been left at the altar.

Er... No, no, it's fine.

Never have I ever been held prisoner in a foreign country.

I'm going to go. Yeah. Yeah, me, too.

Right.

SLOW MUSIC PLAYS

Come on, big guy.

SHE MOANS

Never have I ever thrown a good school reunion.

Never have I ever had an adventure.

Never have I ever...

..done absolutely fuck-all with my life.

MUSIC: Keep It Near by Brooke Bentham

# I left my mouth to become yours

# I left my mouth... Agh!

# To become yours...

Fuck off.

# Calling it all off again

# Falling in and out again

# Call it all off again

# Falling in and out again. #