Original subtitles

OK, so that's five more minutes left of detention

and then you're all released from captivity.

WHISPERED: Race you to the other side? Esther.

Loser buys the first pint.

Fine. But we're do it slalom style.

And no running. Sure.

WHISPERED: Three...

..two...

..one.

Damn it.

Don't forget I've been doing this a lot longer than you have.

I'll have a Guinness. Yes, all right.

Just one though. OK.

Now which one looks the most like a Charles Dickens character? Oh, easy.

SHE LAUGHS, CLEARS HER THROAT

KNOCKING ON DOOR

Hi.

Hi.

DOOR CLOSES

So, er...

Fola, um, I am, erm...

I'm really sorry about, uh...

HE SIGHS

Shit, I probably... I should've written this down. Mm-hm.

Mum's made us dinner, by the way.

Your mum?

No, OUR mum. Er, but she's out.

Er, they...they...they both are.

They? Zack? Sorry, you've completely lost me. I...

No, they're out. They're out, so we... So we can sneak up

and...you can...

..fuck me on our parents' bed,

like you promised.

Wha...

SHE CHUCKLES

OK, I'm trying to go along with whatever weird shit you're into,

and you're checking your phone, so... No, erm, maybe we should...

..sit down and talk about what's... No, you can't,

No, you can't just send a fucked-up, but surprisingly hot text

and say you want to talk.

Er...

That message...

..wasn't meant for you.

SHE LAUGHS

LAUGHING: Oh, my God!

OK... I need a drink. Do you... Do you want a drink? Yeah. OK.

HE MOUTHS

Hey, Nat?

Can you change my 6pm to tomorrow? I, er, I need to get home.

To be honest, I basically just picked PE

cos I thought there'd be no marking.

It's funny.

I can't imagine that we would've ever been friends

if we were at school together. But we're friends now.

Yeah.

I like being friends with my boss.

Yes. Well, erm...

Me too.

But, erm, I just wanted to say...

I hope you don't think that I...took advantage of you.

The other week? I don't want you to think that there was any kind of power play or... Are you...? So...

Are you joking?

I mean, I appreciate that, but I'm pretty sure it was me that got in

the back of your cab and started getting with you, right?

Yes... Yes, you did, erm...

But still. Thought I should flag it.

Well flagged.

Probably...time for another cab...

..isn't it?

J... Erm, just cos, er...

..school night and everything.

Yes... Yes. Oh.

Home time. SHE CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY

Unless...

You want one more?

Um...

Um...

Sure. Yeah. Why not.

I know, I'm sorry. It's my fault.

Of course, it's your fault. I just want to crawl into a hole.

I'm sorry, what was that, Jamie Lannister?

No. It's not incest. It's step-siblings.

It's not Game of Thrones, it's...Cruel Intentions, or erm,

Alicia Silverstone and Paul Rudd in Clueless.

It's still weird. You're a fucking weirdo.

You're going to end up with kids with webbed fingers or whatever.

Me and Esther aren't actually related, for the record, OK?

I was just trying to do the right thing.

And you were about to go along with it. Yeah, still not normal.

Normal is different things for different people, so...

Oh, that's nice. Did you get that off the side a coffee mug or something?

It's not even my...! It's Esther, Esther's into it.

She... She's into role-play

and wants us to do more of it and stuff and...

Like, when you've been in a relationship as long as we have,

you get into a routine.

Yeah, I get that but...

I bet you and Zack don't have that problem!

I bet you're like, doing it upside down and hanging from the ceiling,

what with the upper arm strength he has, I mean, oh, my...

Sorry, I probably shouldn't be talking about...

SHE EXHALES, SOBS

Oh, shit, sorry. No, I didn't mean to upset you.

No, it's, erm... It's not you, you idiot.

It's, erm...

Oh, God, I can't believe that I'm...crying.

You're like the third person I've ever cried in front of.

I cry all the time.

That Paddington film was on TV the other day

and Esther thought one of my family had died.

HE GIGGLES, SHE CHUCKLES

No, it's erm...

Zack and I haven't had sex...

..basically the whole time we've been married.

That's quite, erm...

I mean, that must be difficult.

It's lonely.

It's really fucking lonely.

That's what it is.

Er, sorry, what were you, erm...

When you came in, you were going to say something, before...

Come with me.

Is Zack not...? I mean, you know, is this not going to be weird,

I mean, in your own bedroom? Oh, Jesus Christ, Josh,

that's like if I murdered someone

and you had a problem with me stealing their wallet.

THEY LAUGH

Oh, sorry...! LAUGHING: Shut up!

There's washing...!

JOSH MOANS

FOLA MOANS

KEYS JINGLE

FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

Hi, my love.

Fola?

I thought we could get a takeaway and...

JOSH AND FOLA PANT AND MOAN

Oh... Faster. Yeah?

THEY MOAN

Oh, God... I'm close.

Oh, Josh.

HE PANTS FASTER, SHE MOANS

Don't stop...

Oh! Cramp, cramp...

Don't stop, don't stop, don't stop...

HE LOOSENS BELT

I'm close, I'm close... JOSH'S MOANING INTENSIFIES

I'm close, Josh. Don't stop... Don't stop. Don't stop.

THEIR MOANING INTENSIFIES

THEIR PANTING AND MOANING SLOWS

ZACK SIGHS

FOLA AND JOSH'S MUFFLED CHATTER

THEY KISS, MOAN SOFTLY

What the fuck?