Original subtitles

you

Mr. Brilliant Navigator.

How do we get out of this mess?

Well, according to this map, this road continues on for another two and a half

more miles, at which point we should arrive at the Willow Creek Campground

Willow Creek Campgrounds?

Didn't you hear what that old man said back at the gas station? There is no

Willow Creek Campground.

From the looks of things around here, there hasn't been a camper here in

Let's forget about the whole thing, man.

Let's go back to the city.

I hate the wilderness.

Nothing out here but snakes and shit.

I'm afraid you're misinformed, Charles.

Snakes are not indigenous to this particular part of the country.

Besides, gentlemen, we're only two hours away from civilization.

Yeah, well, it looks like we're a couple hours away from being back in it, too.

All right.

Gonna grab some pussy tonight.

Yeah.

I don't suppose you two studs in heat are the least bit interested in the

somewhat erotic legend of the Willow Creek campground, then?

What are you talking about, Waldo?

Well, come on, let's have it. Well, they say they're right around here with what

was known as the Willow Creek Campground during the turn of the century.

There were these six schoolgirls that wandered off into the woods and were

heard from again.

It was as if like they vanished off the face of the earth.

So what? These things happen all the time.

Yeah, they could have been kidnapped or something.

I thought you said something about erotic. Well, let me finish.

You see, the story goes that there used to be a boarding school for girls not

far from here.

Oh, that must have been those old ruins we passed a couple of miles back.

Yeah. Well, they were having a picnic at the campground somewhere around here to

celebrate the birthday of one of the girls.

Her coming of age, you might say.

Anyway, this girl and her five companions wandered off into the woods

what happened to be a total eclipse of the moon.

And they vanished.

One theory is that they got caught up in some kind of a time warp or something.

Charlie, it really happened. I mean, it's a historical fact about the girls'

school of disappearances.

Now, here's the erotic part.

These six girls were virgins, and the legend has it that they're still

around the earth just waiting to be deflowered by someone so they can have

peace.

Oh, Waldo, you know, I've heard a lot of your lunatic stories over the years,

but this one takes the cake.

No, no, wait a minute, Greg.

I admit it sounds like a harebrained story, but what the hell?

We could use a change of pace, couldn't we?

Breathing this fresh air, sitting by the fireplace, eating beans and farting

just like in Blazing Saddles. Come on.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, Charlie, I thought you were afraid of snakes.

Haven't you heard, man?

Snakes ain't indignant to this part of the country.

Oh, yeah, I didn't know that.

Hey, guys, don't leave me with all this stuff. Come back here.

Hey.

Now, man, I ain't heard nothing.

That must be my imagination.

Are you fucking crazy?

Sorry. Jesus Christ.

There's supposed to be a creek around here somewhere.

We'll need water.

Oh, Waldo, don't get lost in some time warp or something now, okay?

Shit.

What's the matter with you?

Look at this.

Yeah, it's fucking hideous. So what else is new? All your shirts are hideous.

Yeah, well, fuck your taste, too, man.

My favorite silk shirt got all wrinkled up in that campout bag.

Charlie, that's a duffel bag, man.

What the hell are you doing with a silk shirt and a camping trip anyway?

You should always be prepared.

Just never know sometimes.

I gotta hang this up.

You want too much, man.

Oh, yeah.

Looks like a hangar.

Becca, I'm behind.

Looks crazy, huh?

That'll probably keep the crows away.

Fuck you.

I bet that sucker'll probably keep bears away, man.

Let's do it Miranda and Elizabeth did.

Okay. I want to know what it feels like.

I'm sorry.

They're so naughty.

I know. I can't believe I'm doing that.

Do me first.

Okay.

Oh,

you're really naughty.

Thank you.

This feels so strange.

Oh, but I like it.

Oh, it feels so good.

Look at them.

Don't you think they're too small?

No, they're perfect.

You call me nice. You're not wearing undergarments either.

Mm -hmm.

Such a strange feeling.

Tongue so warm.

Schema. Hello.

Hi. My name is Lily.

Hi, Lily. I'm Waldo. As in the poet?

Oh, I see. Ralph Waldo Emerson. Well, not exactly. See, I wasn't named after

poet. I was named after my great -granduncle, Gerald Waldo Peterson.

Same number of syllables, though. Let me see. One, two, three. Well, not

exactly. You see, there are seven syllables in Ralph Waldo Emerson. It's

six syllables in my great -granduncle's name.

You're very intelligent.

Yeah.

We've only just met.

I can't believe this is happening to me.

Must be a dream.

This can't be real.

Oh yes.

This can't be a dream.

It feels too good.

This is what it looks like.

Yeah.

That's it.

Oh,

it's good enough to eat.

Why don't you let me take my pants off?

Please.

Let's take this off. I won't do that.

This is my first time.

Be very gentle.

First, I'll start off with my finger.

It's a little bit smaller.

Does that feel okay?

It feels good to me, too.

You're getting pretty wet.

Everything must be working out, Jay.

Thank you.

It's a pasta.

It tastes so good.

It's getting so wet.

Good night.

Thank you.

Am I hurting you?

No. No.

Walter? Yeah?

Can I suck your penis again?

Sure, baby.

Okay, I'm coming now. Here I come.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

I'm coming now.

Yeah. Oh, Lily.

Lily, suck it.

Suck it, Lily.

That was simply wonderful.

Lily!

Lily!

Where'd you go?

Lily.

Thank you, wherever you are.

Where the hell have you been, man?

Did you get the water?

Water?

That's right, water. As in drinking, as in washing up, you know, water.

I forgot.

Give me that, I'll get it.

Where the hell is the creek?

It's just down there about a hundred yards. Make it right at the fork by the

broken stump.

What the hell is a broken stump?

Hey, Waller, we saved you some dinner.

Oh, thanks.

So how is it?

Not bad.

Yeah, it sounded all kind of bland, so, uh, I pissed in it.

Seemed to liven it up a little.

Bastard! Don't throw it away. I was just kidding.

Here's some more.

Come here.

Go ahead.

Too much, Waldo.

You think I'd really piss in your towel?

I would never do a thing like that.

Greg pissed in it.

Who said that?

I did.

Who are you?

I'm Claudette. Who are you?

I'm Greg. I was camping nearby with some friends of mine, and I came down to get

a bucket.

What are you doing up in the tree?

I'm sitting here waiting for the right person to come along and help me down,

course.

you come from?

You ask too many questions. The point is, you're here, and I'm here, so...

So what?

So, why not?

I don't believe this is happening.

Maybe it's not.

Let's get naked.

Yeah.

Get on the ground.

Thank you.

This might shock you.

I want to put it in your ass.

Yeah. Yeah, spread your cheeks for me.

Oh, God,

I'm going to cry, Claudette.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, I'm going to come.

Oh, yes, I'm coming.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

More. More.

Oh, more.

Oh, get it all out.

Yeah. Oh.

Oh.

Oh, baby. Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Where'd she go?

I don't believe it.

She's gone.

Shit.

I'm just starting to like this.

Oh, Greg.

How's it going?

What? Did you get the water?

Water? Yeah, you know, water, the stuff we drank in Washington. Remember?

Water? Oh, yeah.

Right.

No, I forgot.

Did find the creek, though, right?

Yeah, I found the creek.

Well, I'm kind of tired, man.

I'm going to turn in.

Right, Greg.

Oh, Greg.

Charlie's asleep in your tent.

He said he heard a bear.

Right.

Yeah, well, no.

Right, Greg.

Come on, man. Get the hell out of my tent.

Come on.

Yeah.

It's your fault, man. Get out of here.

Come on. Fuck off.

Come on.

He kicked me out.

It's his tent, Charlie.

Aldo, can I... Yeah, go ahead.

I'll use your sleeping bag.

Those goddamn bears.

Good night, Charlie.

Good night, man.

I don't believe

it. Am I going to make coffee with no water?

down to the creek to get water.

Neither of them know their ass from a hole in the ground.

I have to get the water myself.

So where's this goddamn creek you jerk -offs been talking about?

That's okay, Charlie. I'll get the water. No, that's okay, Waldo. I'll get

What's going on here?

I'll get the water this time.

When I get back, I'm packing up my gear and heading back to town. With or

without you two.

This camping shit's getting to me.

Charlie, the creek's about 100 yards down the path. Okay.

No, Charlie, no one, but no one calls me Charles.

Oh.

Well, I suppose you can.

I mean, you're so beautiful, you can call me anything.

Thank you. I should like to call you Charles.

Do you know much about poetry?

Poetry? Um, no, I don't know anything about poetry.

Hmm, what a pity.

I suppose I shall have to sit here and read aloud to myself again.

Oh, I'd love to listen to you read your poetry.

Well, it's not exactly my poetry.

It's, uh...

by our famous contemporary Elizabeth Barrett Browning.

We have the same first name.

Yeah, she sounds familiar. I think I caught her on MTV one night.

She does sing, right?

You have a funny way of talking.

I was thinking the same thing about you.

Listen.

How do I love thee?

Let me count the ways.

I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach.

I'm feeling out of sight.

For the ends of being an ideal ghost.

I love thee to the level of every day's work quietly.

I love these ladies.

I can drive the right.

I love these ladies.

I love these ladies.

I love you

with a passion.

I love thee for the love I came to live.

With my lost things.

I love thee with the breath, smiles,

tears of all my life.

And God's truth.

I shall but love thee better after death.

Oh, Charlie.

I just have to try it.

Charlie, I want to taste you.

You what?

I want to taste you.

All right, I'm ready.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, baby, I'm getting hot.

Oh, here we go.

Here we go. Oh, baby.

Oh, God.

Oh.

It tastes delicious.

He must be going crazy.

Hey, Charlie.

You okay, man?

Charlie, you all right?

Here's the water.

Hey, you got the water. Great. Charlie got the water. All right, Charlie. You

got the water, man. That's great.

We were just packing up the gear.

We're going to head back to the city. What do you say?

City? Yeah, you wanted to leave. You couldn't stand it here anymore.

Oh, no, man. I kind of like it here.

It's peaceful, quiet.

A lot of fresh air.

Change from L .A.

Stay one more night?

You guys?

Yeah, Charlie.

Would you mind calling me Charles?

You're always kind of juvenile for a grown man, don't you think?

Whatever you say, Charles.

Charles it is, my man.

Charles.

Rather juvenile, don't you think?

Hey, Greg, what do you think?

Listen, man, don't think, don't bring it up, don't mention it.

Just unpack the gear, okay? Okay.

Hey, listen.

To what?

pigeons only they can't shit on your car because it's too dumb to fly into the

city oh yeah i

think

i hear somebody humming a song

you know i've been doing a lot of thinking today

i decided hey check this out charlie He's been doing some thinking. All

about to break loose.

Fuck you, man.

And it's Charles to you, cum face.

You're such an eloquent way with words, Charles.

Anyway, I decided we're not really cut after this outdoor stuff.

I mean, I don't know about you two, but this fresh air has been starting to play

with my mind.

I mean, things have been happening to me I can't even explain.

I'm tired, man.

I'm going to turn in.

I got to get an early start tomorrow.

I have to be back in L .A. by noon.

I told Jennifer I'd take her to lunch.

Who is Jennifer, anyway, Greg?

Jennifer's Jennifer.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

Well, good night, Greg.

Good to sleep, Waldo.

Hey, Waldo, can I, uh... Yeah, go ahead. Be my guest.

I'm not tired anyway.

I think I'm gonna take a walk down to that creek one more time.

Thanks, man.

It's those goddamn bears.

Closings here offends you. We should go.

Come, Miranda. No, no.

I don't want you to leave.

Look, I'm sorry. It's just that everything that's happened here today

got me bewildered.

Perhaps we should go, then.

Please, don't go.

Are you friends with Claudette?

Claudette is gone now.

Miranda wants to go, too.

I brought her here so that... I think I know why.

figment of my imagination.

You're not real. You don't really exist.

Shit, I'm sitting here talking figment of my imagination.

Charlie was right.

This country here fucks with your mind.

I'm sorry.

Excuse my language.

Perhaps I should take Miranda to the other tent.

Wait a minute.

You're always talking about taking Miranda.

What about you?

Oh, Catherine wants to...

Miranda, be quiet.

Catherine, is it?

I'm Greg.

Oh, we know who you are. We know who all of you are. In fact, we've been

watching you ever since you arrived.

Miranda! Well, it's true.

I think you're right, Catherine.

Miranda should be in Charlie's tent.

Come, Miranda.

Let's go.

You stay here.

I know exactly where Charlie is.

He's in there.

I can't believe this is happening twice in the same day.

Where did you come from?

Amen.

Adios.

Oh. Oh.

Faster. Oh, baby, I'm getting hot. I'm recovering.

Oh, turkey.

Faster, baby. Faster.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

Are you kidding?

Oh,

baby. I want to take you home with me.

You know, I may have to go soon.

Oh, no, don't go.

She's at Willow Creek, where we all... where we used to stay.

Willow Creek?

Waldo's down there now.

Do you think?

I know.

Oh! Yeah, Waldo may look like the brainy type, but he knows his way around the

ladies.

You're so beautiful when you laugh.

You should do it more often.

Sombra does not become you.

They used to call men like you charmer.

Do they still call you that?

No. They call men like me very, very lucky.

Thank you.

You just told me...

Come to...

Oh, Catherine.

Oh, Greg.

Catherine, that's what happens when a man loves you like I do.

Catherine?

Catherine?

Three sleeping bags, two tents, tent poles.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten tent poles.

Aw, you didn't get a chance to wear your pretty little silk shirt, did you,

Charles?

It's Charlie to you, peanut prick.

The lady has a wonderful sense of humor back.

Well, it looks like it's all here, guys.

You'll have to just give me a hand, we'll get it all into the jeep.

Hey, guys, don't leave me with all this stuff. I can't carry everything here

myself.

Hey, Greg, did you hear something? Hey, guys.

Nah, I didn't hear nothing.

I didn't hear nothing either.

I always get to carry all this shit.

I don't always got to do this stuff.

and do not...