Original subtitles

Come on in and take a seat.

Okay.

It's an exciting day today.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah. I mean, it's not every day that a celebrity like you comes to my store.

Why, thank you.

I'm sweet of you.

I'm so unprofessional, but do you mind if I take a photo real quick? Oh, of

course. You don't mind? Of course. Oh, I love me.

I'm just such a fan. I watch your show all the time. Yes. Oh, thank you.

Oh, my God, that's great.

You're even taller in person than I ever expected.

Oh, thank you. Sometimes I cut off the legs on camera, but now you can see them

all.

She's wonderful. I can't believe this is actually happening to me. Oh, yeah,

this is great. I love seeing my fans, especially my loyal ones.

I totally am.

Every day, me and my girlfriend, we just love the show. Oh, I'm so glad.

That makes me so happy.

I bet, I bet.

Well, I'm just going to fill out some paperwork just as a formality. Oh, okay,

sure. Do you understand?

Mm -hmm.

Okay,

your legal name.

Aya.

Okay.

Is your real name?

No,

it's Coco LeMol is actually my real name.

Coco LeMol. Get out of here. Really? Yeah, it is crazy, right?

Coco LeMol.

Is that with a hyphen, I think? Yeah, I thought it was a little too French for

American television.

Ain't that something? You never really know when you watch a TV like that, I

guess.

Okay, great. And how tall are you? I'm 5 '11". 5 '11". Now I'm probably 6

'3", but, you know, I can take these off, you know, and show you my real

We might have to have you do that, actually.

Okay, great.

So you've never been in trouble before or anything like that, I'm sure.

No, of course not.

My job is everything.

Everyone with a cell phone, they can just take a picture.

Yeah. I'm a real follower, 100%. I got you. I got you.

All right.

I've been in trouble before.

Is this your first time here shopping?

Oh, no. I come here all the time. You do? Yeah. Okay.

I'm going to stop here. This is always on my...

You know, it was on my way home, so... Is it? Doing some work, I get to stop

here if I have to pick anything up. Yeah, you guys are a staple for me.

Oh, I didn't realize that. You know what? You must be incognito sometimes.

Oh, yeah. Sometimes I've got my sweats on if it's too early.

Yeah.

What's your date of birth again?

4 -20 -1989.

89.

Okay.

All right.

Okay, you know what? I have to... I hate to do this. You want to try this?

I'm just going to have you stand up just for a quick second. I'm just going to

take one fast photo.

Okay. Do I need to sign a release form or do I need to talk to my production

about you taking pictures of me? Oh, no, no. This is just, again, this was all a

formality. It's just what we do when we have someone back here, unfortunately.

Okay.

And just stand to the side now.

There you go.

Thank you for being a sport about this.

Uh -huh.

Sure.

Okay.

You know, with those pictures and everything, you got what you need. So,

know, I'm going to be late for work and other things. I appreciate your time and

your support.

Unfortunately, I can't have you leave quite yet. We haven't.

started our whole cavity search yet.

Excuse me?

Well, it's just, again, it's like formality, just like photos.

A cavity search is a formality?

I don't know that I'm comfortable with that.

Oh. I mean, it starts out, we do the one first. I mean, so that's not a big

deal. I'm sure you have no problem doing that. Oh, okay.

Yeah, we're going to have you there.

Put your arms up to the side, if you don't mind.

Floor or noose?

My favorite.

Everyone's favorite. It's very popular here. In fact, it's the most expensive

perfume.

I just saw a lot of your brassiere.

It's weird.

I didn't have a shopping bag on me or my purse.

It was just easy to put it there so I remembered it.

Pockets. I didn't have any. In your lapel? Is that where you moved?

Yeah, I was, you know, like I said, I have a shopping bag and I forgot my

So I figured, you know, a lapel makes sense.

That's very disappointing.

It was an accident. I, you know, like I said, I don't have a shopping bag. I

don't have a purse.

I don't know.

Well, I don't know.

Make a note of that right here. You can...

We can go back to having a seat now.

Okay. I mean, I didn't get to make it to the checkout.

That's our eight -ounce bottle. See, that's expensive.

Eight ounces.

Oh, I'm sorry, dear little pal.

Jesus. You know. I didn't have a shopping bag or purse. I know. That's

makes it look very suspicious.

And I'll tell you.

that I have a really busy schedule at work. I forgot my purse.

I think the makeup artist may have had it or something.

I didn't make my way to checkout.

I was going to come back and pay for it and everything. I don't even have

pockets.

That's so disappointing.

That puts me in a predicament, too. I mean, especially being a big fan of

So we can make this all go away, right?

I mean, very easily.

I mean, you took those clothes.

I can autograph them for you.

We can take more selfies.

I mean, we can really make this go away. I can't lose my job.

You know, I just got transferred to this station, so it's really important that

this sticks. I mean, I'm a mother, a wife. I couldn't. This would ruin my

family.

I know. This is quite a big deal for you, I guess, right?

Yeah, so, I mean, if you have a Sharpie or something, I'll do those Polaroids

or, you know, can I get your phone back out, some selfies?

You know, I really appreciate you being a fan, and I really want to do anything

I can to make this all go away.

Well, I'll tell you what, why don't you sit here for now?

Okay. Okay, and just take it easy. I'm going to...

I want to head down and talk to my manager and see if there's anything I

to maybe help you out. Oh, yeah.

I mean,

what kind of a famous person would come in here and shoplift?

Like I said, it was obviously just an accident. I forgot my purse, so I just,

you know, I'm on autopilot for a long day at work.

Well, let me get on stage like so. Let me just grab my manager before he runs

for lunch.

Cheryl, let's go this way, quickly.

Okay.

Sit still.

Oh my gosh, I can't lose my job.

This would have ruined me.

What are you thinking, Aria?

Nope,

they're not.

Nope, this is all just going to go away.

You're going to be fine.

Okay, we'll just be able to go straight home.

We'll be all just a little hiccup.

I mean, he is a fan.

I hope.

Big enough fan.

I have to make this go away. I'm going to be fine. I'm going to be out of here.

I have my purse with me. I can't text anybody.

I can't call my lawyer.

It'll be okay.

It's just perfume.

I'm going to call my lawyer or someone down in production.

A code?

Oh, cherry on top.

Okay, we'll be fine. We'll be fine.

But I don't even know my credit card number. I don't even have a checkbook on

me.

Okay, fine.

We'll be okay. I might carry a walkie -talkie someone.

He's got his perfume.

locked in great okay um handcuffs that's a little weird vicious

come on come on maybe

it's nine no okay three no

come on line four oh no i don't want to order try the youth

It's fine. It's fine. Here, how are you, Kate?

Here, how are you, Kate? He's a big fan.

It's just perfume.

You'll be fine. What happens if the manager's not a fan?

What happens if the manager liked the other girl so much better? What happens

he's going to call the cops and then I'm going to be in jail? Then my life is

going to be ruined. I'm going to lose my job, lose my house, my kids, all of my

husband. My husband is going to be so angry. He's not even going to blowjob me

like this.

Oh, because we save those only for birthdays.

Oh, but I... have to do one of those i

don't know what's taking is it really hot in here

there's not even a cloth in here so i don't know how long it's gone

it's really long okay let's try one more time

um nope i do not need to buy a pool that's weird chinese in

a pool

Think, think, think, think, think, think, think, think, think, think,

think, think, think, think, think, think, think, think, think, think,

think, think, think, think, think, think, think, think, think, think,

think, think, think, think, think, think, think, think, think, think,

think, think, think, think, think, think, think, think, think, think,

think, think, think, think, think, think, think, think, think, think,

think, think, think, think, think, think, think, think, think, think,

It can't be good news. It can't be good news at all.

Oh, gosh.

The producers are going to freak.

I want to see if he knows who to call. I want to see if he has an in with those

gossip columns.

Okay. Okay. No.

Fine. There's no way that this guy has an in with any gossip columns. I can't

see you. There's no way.

Everything's going to be fine.

You're going to be back home. Dinner.

I need to get a latte because I'm getting really tired and my coffee shop

going to close. I'm not okay with this.

I can get very grumpy without my lattes.

Oh, hi.

There you are.

Everything's good. Everything's sorted out.

Well, you know, the good news is my manager actually left for lunch already.

Oh, okay, so selfie, Sharpies. The bad news is I reviewed some of the security

footage, and it very much looks like you were shoplifting, and you were making a

conscious effort to make sure no one was looking. I think I just probably looked

confused because I forgot my purse in my shopping bag, so I put it down.

I don't understand that. Well, I'm confused as to why.

A celebrity like yourself would be shoplifting. That's what I'm confused

I don't have my purse. It's been a really long day, and I desperately need

of time.

I don't think my brain was functioning, you know, those long hours and

everything. I was going to come back. I was going to pay for it when I got my

purse. Like I said, the makeup artist has it or something.

Well, that sounds reasonable.

So what I have to do right now is I have to do that cavity search.

Shouldn't there be, like, a woman present?

Is there someone, a female in security?

Unfortunately, we do not have any female loss prevention agents today, but I can

call a female police officer.

Nope. I mean, I could just... No, no, no, no, no, no. I think we're good. I

think we're good.

Should I call my lawyer?

I mean, there's people who are doing just a lot, right? You can't just,

I mean, I don't know if there's need for a lawyer.

I mean,

I'll tell you what. If there's nothing else after the search, you know...

Okay. I want to get home. I want to make this go away. I want to... It's just,

again, a formality. I apologize.

Yeah, just take your clothes off and hand them to me and I'll go through

Take my clothes off?

Yes. Yes, I'll need that.

This is how we...

Yeah, we've got to search each item. Okay, so here's my jacket. There you go.

you can tell, the rest of my outfit is form -fitting, no pockets.

Sure. And it looks wonderful on you, I must say. Oh, thank you. Thank you so

much. Thank you for my husband.

Oh, my God. You're married, aren't you?

Yeah, I'm married.

Okay,

I want a skirt as well, please.

Why do you need one? I mean, look at this. We're going to do a full search.

Are you sure I shouldn't be calling my lawyer?

Well, I mean, it kind of goes, if I call the police, then you call the lawyer.

There's no reason to call your lawyer before I call the police. It's one of

those things.

Okay, I mean, this is something I don't usually do for my husband on his

birthday, so.

Oh, well.

It's my lucky day, huh?

I did not see this happening when I woke up before. No, you're fine.

Yep.

I'm total perfection.

I'm not going to be a pervert or anything like that. You don't have to

Okay. There you

go.

Everything's good, so there's nothing in anything.

No, so far, so good.

Do you want my shoes?

The shoes will be my only two, thank you. I mean, I need the TSA.

That's a nice shoe.

There you go.

They're brand new.

They smell brand new.

Okay, so, I mean, you did the TSA thorough check for me and my shoes. I

have any explosives.

I don't have any more perfume.

Yeah, I know.

You can see everything.

Like, more than everything.

Okay, I'll blow it off.

I need that bruise hair and the... Yeah.

Shorts. And the panties. You can see through them, though.

Oh, really?

Oh,

my God.

I'm not really comfortable with this.

How do you think I feel? I mean, I'm the one who has to do it.

Yeah, but you're the one... I didn't see any forms or paperwork or...

Anything. You know, actually, I'll tell you what.

Right there.

And you can look at that in a moment.

I'll take that off. If you don't mind, thank you very much.

Yeah,

you just had a little gander right there. Step right here, my darling.

I'm going to help you with these.

Excuse me?

No, I don't see anything about panties being part of the routine.

I see that you were having a picnic on Friday for the office picnic. That's all

I see. Oh, okay.

Okay, so you saw all my stuff, right? Oh, unfortunately, I'm not going to

your stuff. Would you bend over real quick?

Bend over?

Yes, bend over. Excuse me, I'm a lady.

I have to.

What? This is part of the county search.

Um, okay. Are there cameras in here?

Those better not be rolling.

Oh, yeah, there's both. The security office.

Oh, my God. I'm sorry. Those better be erased. This is so embarrassing.

Oh, my gosh.

Okay, I think we're good.

Can I call someone? No,

there's nothing in there.

I would, um, hello, uh. This is not how I see my day going.

Uh, excuse me, I didn't, I definitely didn't mean, can I please, can I please,

okay, I think we're, I think we're good. I think, um, can I just, um,

may I help you?

I'm sorry.

I, I just have to document all this. It's just, um, I, I, I, um, okay,

so we're good. We're good now. Um, can I go home? This is.

Definitely not something I'm used to.

I bet you're not used to it.

Excuse me.

There's definitely not anything up there.

I mean,

I stuck that perfume in my lapel. I'm not that clever.

That better get deleted after you review it, please.

And not in your home.

I see.

Well, here's the thing.

Yeah, sure.

Oh, okay.

Wow. So are we done?

We did the cavity search. That's what I saw on the form.

So good to go, even though there was supposed to be a female present for

I'm sorry. I'm totally fanboying out right now. Can I put clothes on? Can I

clothes on for this, please? You know.

And I promise I won't show anyone but my friends. Um, no.

No, no, no, no. Um, no, no, no, no, no, no. Um, yet,

no. I don't do that sex thing thing.

No, no, no.

You don't listen. I get it. I get it.

Okay.

Now, I am totally getting your famous celebrity and the newscast and all that

and everyone watching your show.

And now you're in this horrible predicament where you accidentally put

your lapel and, you know, but it looks bad.

It was, like I said, it's been a really long day. I haven't had my look. Hey,

yes. And I'm really, really sorry you got your close -up footage and

everything. You did your cavity search. That's what the... Yeah, yeah. Well,

like I said, the good news is my manager's already gone for lunch.

Okay, so I can sneak right out and he won't even know, right? Yeah. Well,

got about a half hour before he comes back. So I was thinking.

That I have more than enough time to get out. You know what? I was thinking you

do have enough time to get out right after you do something for me.

I'm naked.

You are naked.

And that's the best part about this, right? You don't even have to put your

clothes back on.

No, I want to put my clothes back on. But if you don't put your clothes back

Uh -huh. And you do what I want you to do for me.

Then I can let you get dressed at the end and forget to write out the door and

pretend you were never even here. And I can arrange all the security cameras

because that's what my job is.

So what do you want me to do? Do you want me to find something naked?

Like, what do you... I think you know what I want.

I do.

I mean, when I get my wallet and everything in my purse back, I will

check. I will send you gift baskets. I will send you autographed pictures.

I'll plug you on TV. Just please, you know, I'll plug this door in. I'll take

you up on the plug on TV, because that would be really cool. Okay, great. But

it's going to have to be after you help me out.

Okay?

Now, I know you're a married woman.

Yes, very, very married.

Very, very married.

Very loyal.

I'm not married.

I just got a girlfriend.

Sometimes things at home aren't always, you know, what I want them to be.

Okay, so do you want me to tell you how you can talk to her about your needs?

You can show me.

Come here. On your knees.

On my knees?

Yeah.

Come on.

I don't even kiss my husband.

I mean,

come on.

Do you like home -cooked meals? I can cook you some lunch, some dinner.

This is so humiliating. No, no,

don't feel humiliated. I want that.

I mean, I admire you.

I'm attracted to you. I think you're beautiful.

I see that you are. I just find myself in a vulnerable position.

And, you know, just being a man, I just can't help myself.

Yeah, okay.

Okay,

so there you go.

Well, I mean, I'm trying to be fair here. I don't want to have to do my job

call the police.

Okay, okay. I'm trying to be fair.

Don't call the police. I can't do a police report.

Yeah, I know. I mean, you'd be like that famous celebrity. Who was that actress

a few years ago that got caught shoplifting?

I don't know. She pretended she was doing it for a role or something stupid

that.

I'm not.

I have better eyebrows than that.

Okay.

Oh, yeah.

There we go.

Okay.

Yeah.

You look pretty good.

You know that?

Okay, so if I do this, you'll let me go?

Right? Okay.

That's... Okay, I don't know why we need the camera again.

Just for me.

For later.

I don't know that I'm comfortable with that at all.

You can do it.

I have faith in you.

Oh my gosh.

Okay, so good? You're good? Happy?

You know what you've got to do.

Thanks, Tony. After this, I promise I'll let you go.

Please, I'm a really good cook.

I need to know you want dessert.

Autograph. I need something.

That'll be nice, too.

Damn.

You know what you can autograph?

The shirt.

Get out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can autograph this dick.

I mean having that It's just, I'm really not comfortable with that. I don't even

have a sex tape with my husband. This is really wrong. You do, you should.

Yeah, I'll put that away for now. Does that make you feel better?

Okay, give me a minute.

Do you have like a stopwatch or something? Can we time this?

You want to see how fast you can get me off?

That's a great idea.

No, that's not what I meant. I mean, like, you know.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, yeah.

Okay, so we're good, right?

We're good. We're getting there. We're well on our way.

We're well on our way.

I'm sleepless.

I mean... We're both getting something we want out of this, right?

The secret's going to stay safe with me.

I don't want to get to bang my favorite newscaster.

Bang? Oh, yes. No.

Oh, yes. No, no.

Um,

I, I, okay, um, can you just let me go? Oh,

my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my

God. Excuse me.

That is definitely more than a cavity search.

on the news anywhere.

I never do anything like this.

Oh my gosh.

We got a half hour before my boss gets back.

Oh, the perfume bottle.

I think I'm the one who wanted it, not me.

I'm never buying perfume ever again.

You didn't buy it today?

Tell me more about that.

I mean, we were high school sweethearts, and, you know, we have two kids

together, and this is just so hard. Like, I mean, you said you're a fan, so

should know.

Oh, God, it's fucking hard. We went to college together and everything.

What do you think of your fucking son?

I don't know, because I love him.

Oh, my gosh, this is so hard. It's so hard.

Just my friends.

So you think you'd be thankful for someone who's helping you save your

right?

I don't know if I get a hold of it.

Oh, fuck.

Give me your heart, everyone. I want to fucking smile.

I'm going to do the paperwork to see if this is legal.

Oh, my God.

I mean, that's my husband's, you know. Oh, that feels good.

I'm sure he wouldn't mind sharing just a little bit.

It's a good cause.

You should be.

Step on my band camera.

There you go.

Why don't you let me get back down on my knee?

Yeah? Yeah, I think we can, you know, work something out.

You said you liked my hands and everything.

Everything.

I knew you'd come around.

This is just so I can save some of that for my husband.

All it is is so I can leave.

so embarrassing and you know so um

We'll be right back.

Don't record that.

Oh, excuse you. What are you doing? Oh, my gosh.

This is so embarrassing.

Just, you know, I think that, you know, we come to our agreement. It was just a

perfume bottle.

Make sure you don't come with me tonight.

Thank you for letting me see you. I wouldn't dare, Jane, but...

Everything. Everything.

and then everyone

I don't know what it's tasting like.

It's definitely not the normal kind of experience.

You never keep my stockings or something down?

Oh, my God.

I'm

never

using Clotinus again.

don't like me because, you know, I have kids already.

I think you've got more than you bargained for.

Definitely more than I bargained for. Oh, my gosh.

I was just starting to enjoy myself.

Are you sure you want me to bring it to an end?

I'm a married woman. This is all for her.

I know. It might go well.

I'm in a mess.

I'm not -

Is it better?

Oh, I can do score.

No, it's okay. I don't mind.

I don't mind. It's okay. You don't mind.

I told you.

You said you can't get pregnant because you've already had kids, right? Isn't

that what you said?

That's not how that works.

Biology. Do you understand that?

Oh, my God.

I don't think that helps.

Before you do this.

Before you get your dress, would you mind signing these?

Are you kidding me?

Well, you said you would.

Okay, fine. Fine. Can I please go now?

This is beyond embarrassing.

I need to get home to my kids. I can't believe you just said that.

Now I have to... Does that mean you won't sign my forwards?

Okay, at least one more selfie.

Just one more.

You're out of your mind right now.

Yeah, my friends are never going to believe this.

Okay. We're good. We're good. We're good. You know what?

Okay. You don't... I won't say anything to anyone. I promise I'll delete the

videos and you don't have to worry about this, okay?

I don't want you to... My leg.

You want to get dressed before you go out there?