Original subtitles

Why are we here?

Tommy, it's my time to be here, not yours.

I thought it was my time this year.

No, it's my tradition that we do. Remember?

Every other, this is the other, not every.

God, I hate my ex.

I do too.

Yeah.

Anyway, wow, that's a big box.

Yeah, I know. Lexi just always wants one thing that's huge. And I was like, I

have to get it first.

How about you? You know, you know them steps.

You know, they, they, they like, they like a lot of stuff.

Yeah. Kimmy put all sorts of stuff in the, in the basket.

Uh -huh. So, I just got them all.

That's awesome. Yeah, but they're all small.

Yeah. It's okay.

Yeah. It's the size that matters. No, it's never the size that matters. I see

what you did there. Yeah, I know.

I can't believe they went away again on holidays.

on whose dime.

Hmm.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. That's a sharp outfit.

I appreciate it. I like yours too.

Yeah. I must have been a big toy. I had to put a little stuff in there.

No. It's a character.

Who's ever seen a skinny Santa?

Yeah. Well, you know.

Dougie didn't finish wrapping.

It doesn't matter.

It does to you. Don't wrap in paper.

I'm very out of paper.

How do you wrap?

How do you run out of? paper. I didn't want to buy anymore.

So when it ran out... Cheap.

I'm not cheap. I'm just... That's cheap.

I'm careful with money.

Yeah. My stepdaughter, Kimmy, she likes a lot of things. In that basket of hers,

she had all sorts of stuff. Oh.

Yeah. I bought them all.

That's awesome.

Yeah. My stepdaughter, Lexi, she usually just likes one big thing. And that's

all she wants. And it's so convenient, so I make a point to get her exactly

she wants. Some large box.

Yep.

It kind of sucks that our moms just left us here for the holidays.

Yeah, it's kind of selfish if you think about it. It's super selfish. It's super

messed up. I don't even know what to feel or think about it.

I mean, it takes the spirit out of Christmas. I know.

What's your dad up to for Christmas?

I mean, ever since the divorce, I haven't really seen him.

What about yours?

I haven't seen him either.

I haven't heard from them, nothing.

It's crazy that it happened at the same time, but at least we have each other.

Yeah, that's true.

Would you want to do some cute videos together?

Yes, let's do it. Oh, okay.

Yeah. Oh, this is a good spot. Mm -hmm.

Hello there.

Oh. Ooh.

Okay, let's do...

It's kind of like, did you hear that?

I did. What was that? I don't know. We should go check it out. It sounded

weird. Okay.

Let's go. Should I grab something?

So true. I'm tired of it. Yeah, they scared the fuck out of me. Yeah, they

we're like just their little babies or something.

Let's go.

Let's teach them a lesson.

Let's do that.

Cheap bastards.

It's just paper. It's tossed out. It's a special paper for the holidays. It's

still in the box and it's hidden.

Is that you?

a bunch of presents to use. I know.

You know, I've always thought Santa was so nice.

Me too. I actually always thought he was really, really cute.

You thought Santa was cute? Yeah.

I mean, I also kind of wanted to fuck him, to be honest. I've been having this

kind of thought.

Oh, you naughty girl.

Not you.

I have this one fantasy one where Santa takes me and bends me over his lap

and is telling me all the bad things I did that year.

Giving me a few spankings.

I'd be really hot.

I could tell him what we really want for Christmas this year.

All I want is Santa's spankings.

I just want to sit on Santa's lap and whisper some cute things into his ears.

Well, you have my laugh.

You know, I always thought you were really cute too.

Yeah? You want to make my fantasy come true?

Let's do it.

Oh my gosh.

Do you want me to give you a kiss?

I love it. Yeah, shake it.

It feels so good.

Maybe I can give you a kiss as well.

Oh my gosh.

Oh, it feels so good.

Yeah.

Mm.

I know our matching PJs are so cute, but I want to see you with these.

Oh, yeah.

Thank you.

Oh, yeah.

I love you, cute PJ.

Thank you.

You have such a great eye.

Thank you.

I'm going to pull yours down, too.

Are you wet in yours too?

That's a good idea.

What are you both doing?

We knew you were here the whole time.

What? We were trying to teach you guys a lesson. Yeah.

What lesson? To be taught in person.

And not sneaking up on us. Yeah.

You know we're just trying to remember our fantasy. We were bringing you all

presents that you wanted.

I didn't know this, too.

This was your fantasy about Santa?

It is.

Geez, I can't look at you.

We just wanted to make you happy.

That's what it's all about, kids and sharing and ho, ho, ho.

You guys never let us live our fantasies.

What kind of fantasies do you have on us?

Well, the fantasy wasn't a lie.

Yeah, you obviously could see that.

Yeah, I saw a little more than I thought I was going to see.

You really have fantasies about Panthers? We do.

Always been thinking about that, actually.

That whole naughty list thing, you guys really... Yeah, the list we gave you

guys for Christmas, that's... You just ignored it. No, I didn't. I didn't know.

I didn't understand.

I didn't either.

So what are you asking?

You didn't want your gigantic gift that I got you?

No. You can always take them back and get gift cards and get whatever else you

want. Well, I really... I like these Santa suits.

Yeah. They are pretty good.

It actually has given me an idea.

Huh? Uh,

can you maybe clarify on that?

Yeah. I mean, this really looks good on you, actually, Dad.

Really? Yeah, and you look great, too.

You like the way I accentuate it? No, well, you know, I... You're always going

above and beyond. I don't get the compliments. I was trying to...

I'll better him because I'm the better dad.

What do you mean?

It's been a little while and I thought I was losing my touch.

You actually look really great, Dad.

You really do.

Yeah.

I really like your guys' beard.

Really? You're like really honestly into it. Yeah.

And excited.

Don't you think my dad looks... So adorable with his little pillow tongue.

Yeah. Actually, he does.

I think your dad's belly is so loose because he's so fit.

Yeah. Thank you for noticing.

He's got such a nice body.

He does.

We're going to have a little dad talk right now. Just give us one second.

Are you...

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

I hope so.

Because I'm thinking a lot of naughty things.

I agree.

If we just do it this one year, we give them their presents,

fulfill some fantasies, and they go on being happy ones.

Yeah.

Until they tell the exes, and then we're fucked.

We're already fucked.

Deal?

As long as they won't say a word. Deal.

Honey. Honey.

Sweetheart. We were discussing, and we thought that this year... This year

You both should get to... Don't go without your fantasy Atlanta.

Oh my gosh, yeah! Because you are...

Women now, and you deserve to be happy and get everything you want.

Finally.

It's amazing. Who better than you to teach it?

To fulfill those fantasies.

So this is our gift?

If you want it. Yeah, you want it. But with the fantasy, it has to

be a little secret.

Hannah fantasy where nobody else knows, but... No.

Well, of course. We'll all keep this our little secret.

Yeah, because we don't want to pay for it later.

As much as I love you, Dad, I just don't think that... Oh, no, no, no.

Oh, no. Oh, God.

No. It would have to be... See, this way, it's good.

Yeah. That is a lot better. Nobody has to feel weird. No, exactly.

A lot easier to keep it a secret this way. Yeah, so much more comfortable.

Wait,

yeah, are we going to do it right here? Are you going to go somewhere else?

Yeah, we should go to a different room.

Do this. Oh, no. It's Christmas. Here, look.

Everything. It's the holiday season. Hannah wouldn't be going off into your

home. Hannah would be right here eating cookies and drinking milk.

That's true. Okay.

You're okay with that. I am. I'm done.

Oh,

my gosh. Dad.

What? Oh, my gosh.

Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

They were dead.

You can sit on Santa's lap and, you know, go through all this.

Okay,

get it out.

Wow.

Okay, where were we?

Hi. Hi.

I like your, I think I need.

Sock. Oh, I love the feet.

Oh, yeah, you can touch them.

Mm -hmm. Yeah.

Take a look. Yeah. Oh.

Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh.

Oh my gosh.

Oh my God.

Oh my

God.

Honey, you look great in pink underwear.

It looks great on you.

I think I bought those already.

I'll return them.

Oh, don't fall off.

I want to. I'm not looking.

This is a fake.

This is a fake.

Wow.

Yes, yes.

Oh, what a Christmas.

Is she?

Wow, she really is.

Sorry.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, my

God.

How are you doing, baby?

Hi, Dad.

Let me know if you're okay.

Everything's okay here.

She is very good.

Yes.

Oh, my God. That's so

fucking good.

Was that your hand, Dad?

No, this is my hand.

Sorry.

The tears of being a shoe salesman.

Wow.

Oh, you're right.

Good job, honey.

Suck on that cock over there. It looks really awesome.

I'm sorry.

Can we just move up just a little bit?

Sorry.

What?

What?

I did what?

Oh, my God!

What?

Thank you.

Thank you.

I'm not looking at you. I'm talking to you.

Look at me when I talk to you.

So you're most comfortable right now. Yes.

Right here.

It's so fucking loud.

I'm sorry, it's

so scary.

Sorry.

Oh, yes.

Oh, she's so wet.

She looks

really, really weak.

Carl,

don't look.

Let me stretch you.

Just being happy and having friends and having a happy

holiday.

Oh, my gosh.

Oh,

no. If you want him, I won't say much.

He just blows your eyes.

Yeah. Hey,

I guess I'll do that.

Oh, you've got to get that spit right in there.

Oh, yeah.

Thank you.

If you spit on the floor, if you just let your tongue out, then you've got a

constant spit, and then that area goes loose.

Thank you.

Oh, God.

Yes,

yes, yes.

Oh my God.

Oh my God. Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Fuck, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Oh, yes.

Oh, my God, it's so fucking good.

It's so fucking good.

It's so fucking good.

Thank you.

You alright?

Yeah.

What a waste.

The holidays.

Yes,

yes, yes, yes.

Yes, yes, yes.

Oh yeah, be friends.

Yes, yes, yes.

Oh, that's so hot.

We're so funny.

That was it. Yeah, but you just switched and we didn't even know that.

Okay. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.

No, all right. How about, you know, you look the other way and then

we don't know who's honest.

Yeah.

I'm going to look that way.

I'll put my...

Keep your eyes closed.

I don't know who this is.

Oh,

my God.

Actually, maybe we shouldn't be really doing this.

I think this is okay.

Can you wait a second?

You know, we've been working all year.

We've got our gifts.

Yeah, we've got your own gift packages.

Wow.

Oh,

this is perfect.

Yeah, this is a package that needs to be unwrapped or I'm going to have a hard

time sleeping tonight.

It's the present I always wanted.

Thank you.

Show me all of them.

Oh my God.

Yeah, eye contact, you know.

Right here.

Okay. Okay.

Yeah, Santa.

Yes.

Fuck you.

See you soon.

Come on, see here.

Come here.

Wow.

Yeah.

Just lay right there.

It's an amazing situation.

Sorry.

I'm not going to do a thing.

You're good.

I feel so bad.

I feel so bad.

Alive.

Yeah, sorry.

Wow. Yeah.

I can't believe you just came all over my face.

We can't believe you did all this.

Yeah,

my dad came by me.

It feels so weird. I know.

Technically, it was bad that they came inside you. I know.

Yeah.

Santa was here and came inside you.

And you're both going to go back to sleep.