Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

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[music continues]

[music continues]

[foot steps approaching]

- Mr. Sherwood Nash in? - Have you an appointment?

Well, uh, not exactly. But, uh, could he see me?

Go right in.

Yes, but you see, Mr. Curtis

it was a very small issue.

Yes, only five million dollars

and we sold practically all of it.

I guess we can allot you

10,000 shares.

Oh, will you hold the wire just a moment, please?

Sit down, won't you? I'll be with you in just a second.

Thank you.

'Uh, hello, Mr. Spencer.'

Say, that stock had arise a quarter and a half points today.

Sell 5,000 at the market.

'Alright, I'll take care of that for you.'

Goodbye.

Cigar?

- Thank you. - Hello, Mr. Curtis.

Well, in my opinion, that would be but a good judgement.

Alright. You'll take 10,000 shares.

Yes, I'll, uh, I'll hold the wire.

Well, sir.

Now, what can I do for you?

I've come to take the telephones out.

They've been disconnected for three days.

Good day, folks.

What's he doing with the phones?

Taking them for a walk.

Any luck?

- Couldn't you raise anything? - Not a dime.

Well, mastermind, now what?

Hey, don't rush me. I'll think of something.

I'd hate to hold my breath till you do.

[knocking on door]

(Nash) 'Come in.'

Well, sir. What can I do for you?

We've come to move out the furniture.

- It's all yours. - That's right.

What's the idea, Glenda?

Something tells me that Golden Harvest

Investment Corporation is about ready to rest in peace.

I'm not much fun at a funeral. So, toot-toot.

Lovely girl when you're in the money.

Don't worry, she'll be back.

(Snap) 'Where do we go from here, boss?'

Shh. I'm thinking.

Hey!

Oh, sorry.

We gotta find ourselves a new racket.

Could we promote a dance marathon, maybe?

Dancing lessons by mail.

'How about a Bunion Derby?'

Bathing beauty contest. Pretty baby parade.

Snail..

- Boss, I got the idea. - Uh, look, Snap.

- Would you do me a favor? - Certainly, anything, boss.

Just let me alone for a few minutes.

I'll think of something.

Sure you will.

Excuse me, boss.

Ho-ho-ho, nothing matters.

[floor squealing]

[water splashing]

It's alright. Yes, sir, it's alright.

(Nash) 'Uh, Snap!'

Just a minute, boss.

Mr. Nash, Miss. Mason.

- How do you do? - How do you do, Miss. Mason?

(Snap) 'Oh, call her Lynn.'

- Shall I? - Why not?

Isn't that cute?

Very cute.

Oh, get a load of this one.

Well, say.

- 'Well, is that your work?' - 'Sure.'

- 'So, what do you with them?' - 'Sell them if I can.'

They're sold.

What do you mean?

Idea.

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

This is rather stunning.

- How much is it? - $375.

My dear, Mr. Duryea, isn't that rather steep?

Not for an exclusive Parisian model.

Is it really exclusive?

My dear, Mrs. Van Tyle

it arrived from Paris six days ago.

There isn't another one like it in the world.

In that case, I'll take it.

The very latest thing from Paris, Mary.

- How do you like it? - Very becoming, madam.

[knocking on the door]

Come in.

I beg your pardon, madam, the young woman

from the employment agency.

Oh, I'll see her right away.

Good afternoon.

They sent me over from the ACME Agency.

Where did you get that dress?

Well, can you beat that?

You've got a suit like mine.

I got it over at Rosenblatt's basement

for 16.95.

16.95!

Kind of a chip at that, but I like to be well dressed.

Oh, go away.

Give me Mr. Duryea.

Yes. Yes, I quite agree with you.

It is an outrage.

Yes.

Yes, of course.

This is the seventh time that's happened in two weeks.

Take a letter.

Ten copies to Caponelli

Glass and Feldman.

It is imperative that we organize

to stamp out the copying evil..

'...which is undermining our business.'

'Therefore, it is necessary'

'that we get together immediately.'

[dramatic music]

[thudding]

Hi, Jules.

- Read this. - Read this?

Ha-ha, pirates, huh?

Yes, that's why I'm here. I don't like it.

I don't wanna get in any jam.

Oh, what are you worrying about?

All that you're doing is buying photographs

and sketches of dresses from me.

You don't know where I get them.

I'm the bootlegger, you're just the customer.

- Nothing can happen to you. - I hope you're right.

- 'Well, of course, I am.' - What about today's models?

I'm expecting them any minute.

That Ile de France docked only an hour ago.

- No, no, no. - From me. From me.

I told you that. Well, you'll never learn.

You'll never learn..

- Hi, chief. - Good evening.

Did the boat get in yet?

Sure, and Harry will be here any minute.

Well, we're all set for it.

- Winning? - No.

Unlucky at cards. Lucky in love.

- How're they coming? - Alright, I think.

- Would you like to see them? - Yes.

Kinda like her, don't you?

- I always admire efficiency. - Efficiency?

Never heard it called that before.

So, what's the matter? Isn't she running this alright?

She's running you alright, but not me.

- I'll attend to this. - Hey, wait a minute.

Who found her? I did.

You never even met her until--

Young man, you're stopping

the wheels of industry.

Alright.

- 'Snap?' - Alright.

Well, how's my first lieutenant?

No complaints, captain.

Here's Harry. Let's get goin'.

[engine rumbling]

Come on, step on it.

- Hello, Harry. - Hello, Glenda.

- 'O-oh, look!' - 'Come on, girls.'

(Nash) No time for oh's and ah's.

Let's get the hooks and knives.

Alright.

Camera's ready.

- Alright. - Which girl is first?

- Ouch! - What's the trouble?

I don't know. I think it'd be caught somewhere.

- Oh, uh, can I help? - 'Hurry up.'

(Snap) 'Alright, now. Straight.'

What, where is it?

What are you playing? Blind man's bluff?

Oh, there it is.

Just a moment.

'Next girl, please. Hurry.'

- Say, isn't that a beauty? - 'Is it?'

But I think it needs the other back ground.

Let's get this while it's hot. Huh?

(Glenda) Hey, what's the big idea?

- Well. - 'Oh, my mistake.'

Isn't that a hottie?

Got it.

(Nash) 'Come on, children, step on it'

'before the fashion changes.'

'Here's the last one. Look at them.'

'I'm getting better and better every day.'

Here's the material for it.

Ah, pretty, huh?

- Hey. - Oh-ho, sorry.

- Crook! - Robber!

- Thief! - Who paid you for this?

- You better tell. - Or the police will make you.

Gentlemen, gentlemen, we'll never get anywhere at this rate.

Say, who are these guys anyway?

These gentlemen are my competitors.

Their drivers have been betraying them too.

Don't make me laugh. You guys got nothing on me.

- Nothing has been stolen. - I've had you watched.

Every time we sent you down at the pier to pick up

a shipment of new models, you parked in an alley

so these crooks could take pictures

before the models ever got to us. You're fired.

- Well, so long, boys. - Get out!

[telephone rings]

Hello?

Oh, Harry, what is it?

I just been canned.

Yeah.

And tell the boss, I'm all washed up.

[whistles]

(Glenda) Well..

Well, what?

- Harry. - Yeah?

- He's fired. - What?

They've caught up with your racket..

...Mr. Mastermind.

Well, I'm not much fond of policemen.

So, I'm off to Buffalo. Toot-toot.

Well, haven't you better, toot-toot, too?

- Nope. - You should, you know.

- Probably. - I'll be gettin' in trouble.

I'll risk it, captain.

Oh!

What is it? A ghost?

Idea.

Good afternoon, gentlemen.

- Mr. Duryea. - Yes.

I understand you represent the driver we just discharged.

Eh, if you don't mind

I don't believe, I've had the pleasure.

Mr. Caponelli, Mr. Glass, Mr. Feldman.

Charmed.

Now, you're the attorney

for our driver, Brent.

Well, uh, not exactly.

'Well, then, who are you?'

Uh, my name is Sherwood Nash.

And what is your connection with Brent?

He was fired for selling us out, for taking a bribe.

Oh, I'm the man who bribed him.

- You cheap crook! - Thief!

- You robber! - Of all the crust.

You're a pirate and a parasite of a legitimate business.

We spend thousands and thousands of dollars

to import Paris models and you--

Ah! Now, you've come to my point.

Gentlemen, why spend those

thousands and thousands of dollars

when you can have the identical models

delivered to you direct from Paris

at a mere fraction of their present cost.

Nash, what are you driving at?

I'm merely trying to point out that I could just as easily

be working for you as against you.

Instead of being the fly in your coffee

so to speak, I could be the cream.

'That, gentlemen, is why I'm here.'

'I thought if we had a little heart to heart talk'

we might arrive at some pleasant understanding.

It occurred to me that a man of my proven ability

could be very valuable to you...in Paris.

'Do I make myself clear?'

Nash, I think you're a petty, nasty crook.

You belong behind the bars and I'm going to put you there.

- Right! - That's it!

- Twenty years. - Now, get out.

Find yourself a good lawyer, you'll need one.

Very well.

If by any chance you, uh, wish to get in touch with me

I'm at the Park Manor Hotel.

Gentlemen.

[door closes]

That's what I call nerve.

The man's a leech on the business.

We've got to protect ourselves.

- Good evening. - Kyle.

Three telephone calls for you, Mr. Nash.

Thank you.

Eh, you mustn't get the impression that I'm asking

you to steal models for me in Paris.

What I want is an idea of the general style trend

the materials favored, uh

the new lines and--

- Possibly, a few sketches. - Well, yes.

If it can done discreetly.

Of course, you realize this is strictly confidential.

Mr. Duryea, you can trust me implicitly.

Now, uh, what will it cost me?

- That will be 2000 a month. - Hmm.

[clicks tongue]

Naturally, I don't want you to steal any designs in Paris.

But remember, nobody must know

about our arrangement.

Senor Caponelli, you can trust me implicitly.

- How much? - That would be 3000 a month.

Hmm.

[clicks tongue]

Understand, Mr. Nash

we don't want you to steal

models for us in Paris.

No, that will be unethical.

Uh, I'm telling you, what has business

got to do with unethical?

But I'm telling you--

What you boys need is unique

personal representation in Paris.

- Right? - Yeah.

That is exactly what I'm going to give you.

You understand, Mr. Nash, this is confidential.

Sure, and besides not a word to nobody.

Gentlemen, you can trust me implicitly.

How much does it set us back?

That will cost you 5000 a month.

[both click tongues]

Ah, glad tidings, my lad.

Well, we were just about ready to come down and bail you out.

You won't have to do any bailing unless we're shipwrecked.

We sail for Paris tomorrow.

- Then it worked. - It worked.

Hey, ain't I in on this party?

Now, what could you do in Paris?

[laughs]

What wouldn't I do in Paris?

We could take him along as chaperon.

You'll probably want one.

Well, I don't want one

but maybe I'll need one.

Ho-ho. Paris.

Wine and women. Hah!

[ship horn blaring]

[indistinct chattering]

Next.

Passport.

[snapping fingers]

Hey.

(male #1) 'There you are, madam.'

- There you are. - Thank you.

Have a good trip.

Ticket.

Well, believe it or not, we made it.

I think I'll get on speaking terms with my state room.

I think I'll get on speaking terms with the bar.

Well, I'll go and see, you don't talk it to death.

Hello, sweetheart.

'You know, darling, I think'

'I'm going to love Paris.'

Oh, you do, huh?

Glenda, Paris is one of the largest cities in the world

but it's much too small to hold you and me both.

You can go to Timbuktu for all I care, as long as I get my cut.

Cut? Well, what's the idea?

Ooh, just a little dash of that efficiency you admire so much.

Come on, baby, give.

Glenda, you know that I don't owe you a cent.

No argument. Either you come across or I go across.

[ship horn blares]

How much?

Oh, uh, three or four grand.

Ha, don't be silly.

Oh, I beg your pardon.

Snap.

Glenda.

I'll give you two grand and that's the limit.

Okay, big heart.

- Isn't this clubby? - Yes. Isn't it?

Glenda came down to see me off.

Isn't that lovely?

- The boat's sailing any minute. - Ooh.

You'd better hurry ashore, unless you wanna swim.

- A thousand pegs. - Two thousand.

Hurry, please. Hurry off, please.

Just a moment. Just a moment. I.. Oh, there she is.

- So long, Snappy. - 'Come on, Glenda.'

- Hurry up. You get it? - You bet I did.

Swell. So long, Snappy.

Hope you land yourself a nice job, Harry.

Don't worry, Harry and I are going to business

where you and the mastermind left off.

And good luck to ya, darlin'.

No hard feelings. Come on give us a little kiss, huh?

I'm sorry, but you'll have to leave.

- Let's say goodbye, would you? - I'm sorry.

- So long, Snappy. - So long, Glenda.

- How much you get? - Guess.

- A grand? - Two.

What a woman!

It's gone!

[laughing]

[ship horn blaring]

Boy, have I got something to show you.

Yeah?

Holy smoke! I've been robbed!

- No. - Yes.

- How much was it? - $2000.

Two thousand? Yeah, that's right.

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

[music continues]

Do you like any of them, my dear?

Well, they're very nice, but they're not exactly

what I'm looking for.

Haven't you something a little more exclusive?

These are our latest creations, mademoiselle.

Oh, come now, madame.

Haven't you something really new?

Something that hasn't been shown, hmm?

I will see.

[speaking in French]

Merci, madame.

[music continues]

Better keep working on the old girl in black.

She's a pretty tough bird.

Turn on your charm, Mr. Sherwood.

No woman can resist you.

And your resistance is still pretty good.

[music continues]

Just a minute, please.

Just a moment, please.

I'd like to see that again.

[speaking in French]

Uh..

What time do you relax-aavo?

Hey, Snap?

Uh...you're right, governor.

[music continues]

This is very special, monsieur.

'It is not yet been shown to the trade.'

- Very nice. - Hmm.

But I'm afraid it's rather extreme for me.

Well, you don't have to decide now, dear.

Why don't you think it over?

- I think I will. - Ah, yes.

But you've been more than obliging, madame.

It was a pleasure, monsieur.

I hope we haven't put you to too much trouble.

[speaking in French]

[music continues]

What I can do to a nice juicy hamburger?

One can think better on an empty stomach.

Yeah? I oughta be able to do some elegant thinking right now.

- Filthy Pictures. - What?

Filthy Pictures.

- Merci, Monsieur Baroque. - Au revoir, mon ami.

[car honking]

Au revoir.

- Pardon, monsieur. - Monsieur?

[speaking in French]

- Sure. - Oh, swell.

Say, was that Baroque there?

Sure. There is only one Baroque.

- Is he a customer of yours? - Yes.

He buy all these ancient books and costume from me.

- Sherry. - Huh.

Does that look familiar to you?

(Nash) Why, sure.

It's exactly like one of those

models we saw at Baroques.

You see, monsieur

the fashion, he is like, uh..

How you say, a cycle.

What is passe now will be the fashion in maybe 50 years.

'Maybe a 100.'

Baroque gets all his ideas from books like these.

[laughing]

[laughing]

Say, I'll take this, uh, how much is it?

- 75 franc. - Se..

Hey, Snap, would you let me have 25 francs?

- I'm flat. - Uh..

- Oh, oh, thank you. - I've just 25 left.

- Au revoir, monsieur. - Au revoir, monsieur.

Au revoir.

Hey, we're starving to death, and you buy old books.

- What's the idea? - Shh.

I've been thinking.

See here, if Baroque can borrow

from the past, why can't you?

I can easily. Who wants to buy my sketches?

Ah, but when they reach our New York clients

they won't be your sketches.

A little gentle forgery will take care of that.

They will then bear the distinguished signatures

of Baroque, Savarin and De Ville.

Do I make myself clear, lieutenant?

Very clear, captain.

[instrumental music]

Why, kitty, aren't you ashamed of yourself?

Ha ha.

[engine revving]

[horn honking]

- Uh, you may wait, Perkins. - Shut up, sir.

Is something troubling you, my man?

I'm tired being dressed up in this monkey suit.

Don't crab, Perkins, we must keep up a front.

Besides, I'm hungry.

Don't be crude, Perkins.

[Nash whistling]

- Bonjour, monsieur. - Hello.

- Bonjour, monsieur. - Hiya, kid.

[speaking in French]

Hey, come here with that key, what's the idea?

[whistling]

Ah, good morning.

Good morning.

My dear, I've only stopped here at the Ritz Bar for few minutes.

What pride you lose?

Do I detect a slight note

a mere, uh, soup song of disapproval?

Listen, Sherry, I'm worried.

Oh, no news from New York, huh?

- No. Not a nickel's worth. - Hmm.

- Say, that's pretty good. - Pretty good?

I have you know, it's very good.

Oh, what is it? Savarin, De Ville?

No, stupid, its 24 karat pure Baroque.

Oh, of course.

Baroque.

'Signed by the master himself.'

(Lynn) 'And here's a perfect Savarin.'

(Nash) 'Savarin.'

Voila.

[knocking on door]

(Nash) 'Come in.'

- Bonjour, Monsieur Nash. - Bonjour.

[speaking in French]

- Merci. - "Duryea".

Let us pray.

"We are glad to see that our cable company

"delay has resulted in action.

"We congratulate you on obtaining these

"excellent sketches and predict

"the models will be large sellers in New York.

"Enclosed, please find our check..

"...for..

(both) ...$500."

- Oh, baby, we made it. - Wee!

[laughs]

♪ La-la-la-la-la-la ♪♪

[speaking in French]

Now, wait a minute here. Wait a minute.

I'm not accustomed to having people holler at me like this.

Besides, I don't know what you're talking about.

Beat it! Beat it!

[speaking in French]

Next, next, next, next.

[speaking in French]

(Snap) 'I demand the courtesy due a foreigner.'

'Now, there's no more talkin' about it.'

There's no more tellin' me what's going on, 'cause..

Well, well, what seems to be the trouble?

I don't know, this guy grabs the key

and then they both start hollering.

[speaking in French]

- Hmm. - What is it?

Payment on the car. Slightly overdue.

How much?

Uh...$500.

Fi..

Oh-oh-oh, well, that's a cinch.

[clears throat]

[speaking in French]

I'll, uh, just endorse this.

[speaking in French]

Merci.

[speaking in French]

What's it all about? Are we in the money again?

We were for a minute.

Yes. Now, you see it. Now, you don't.

What do you mean?

It's a long story, Perkins. To the embassy.

How are we going to use the money?

Don't worry, I'll think of something.

[clattering]

[instrumental music]

Ah.

[speaking in French]

Champagne cocktail.

[speaking in French]

Are you crazy? Who's going to pay for them?

My dear, they say that if you stay at this bar long enough

you'll meet everybody in the world.

Do you think I might meet somebody with a sandwich?

Now, don't be a pessimist, my dear

where the world is our oyster.

What did you say? What did you say?

Oh, I say the world is our oyster.

Hmm, oh, oysters ain't in season.

Ah-ha, now don't you be a pessimist.

Cheerio, Mr. Ward.

How did you know my name?

Well, my dear sir, I happen to have the gift of second sight.

- Alright. - You seem to be depressed.

- Something on your mind? - Hmm-mm.

I say, my name is Sherwood Nash.

- Well, hello. - Maybe, I can help you.

Eh, it would be much better if your name was Houdini.

Well, look at that, look at that..

Someone with a sandwich.

Here, look, look at that, look at that.

Lovely plume.

I can sell you 10,000 of those.

Quality A number one. Immediate delivery.

And ten percent discount for cash.

Why, I'm sorry, old man, but I'm not in the market.

No. No, I know, nobody is. Nobody is.

No, I've got a 1000 ostriches out in California.

Eatin' their heads off but I haven't

sold a feather in a year.

Well, why is that?

I don't know, ostrich feathers ain't like cheese and flower.

They're always in demand. But plumes like mine..

Uh, no, I give up.

Well..

[music continues]

[speaking in French]

[speaking in French]

[speaking in French]

Who's the lady with Monsieur Baroque?

Grand Duchess Alix, refugee from Imperial Russia.

Ah. Merci.

[music continues]

Mr. Ward, I think you've come to the right man.

Yeah?

In fact, I'm going to congratulate you.

Hmm, for what?

You have some capital, haven't you?

Oh, have I? Heh heh.

And you have thousands of ostrich feathers?

Oh, you're telling me?

How would you like me to put ostrich feathers across for you?

Fine.

How would you like me to make the world

of fashion so feather-conscious

that every well-dressed woman in Paris will be dripping

floating, foaming with ostrich feathers?

You do that, Mr. Nash, and it will be worth $50,000 to you.

Will you give me that in writing?

Absolutely. But how you gonna do it?

I just told you I had second sight, didn't I?

- Yeah. - Well, leave it all to me.

Uh, what's this?

Oh, well, thank you very much, Mr. Ward.

- That's very generous of you. - Uh-huh.

But I insist the next time, I be permitted to buy the drinks.

Oh, yeah.

[instrumental music]

But I don't know this man. Who is he?

I couldn't say, Your Highness.

It's the same gentleman who's been

telephoning all the morning.

What did he want?

I don't know, Your Highness.

But he insists upon seeing you personally.

Very well, show him in.

- You wish to see me, monsieur? - Yes.

Uh, may I be seated?

May I be permitted to say that the reports

are not exaggerated.

What reports?

That you are the most beautiful

the most gracious

'the best-dressed woman in' Paris.'

Did you come to pay me compliments, monsieur?

Uh, no. I came on business.

The compliments, who could resist offering them?

'Your Highness, I plan to produce a review.'

The most spectacular review that Paris has ever seen.

How does that concern me, monsieur?

Ah, it concerns you intimately.

This is to be a review

glorifying Parisian fashions.

Your Highness, I plan to make you the star of it.

I'm not a muse, monsieur.

You'll be good enough to retire.

I've only just begun.

'Your Highness, I have an idea for an ostrich feather number--'

If you don't leave at once, monsieur

I shall ring for my butler.

But this number, Your Highness

will simply knock your eye out.

Huh! How dare..

Come on now, Mabel, be yourself.

Well, well, well.

How are things back in Hoboken? Ha ha ha.

I thought I was getting away with it.

Well, I must admit the Baroque's hat had me fooled

for a little bit but, Mabel, I never forget her personality.

[knock on door]

You rang, Your Highness?

Uh, yes. You may serve cocktails.

Well, Your Highness, what's the low-down?

Ha, no kidding, Sherry

I didn't think you'd remember me.

Gee, it must be all of five or six years ago.

- Ha, it's 11, to be exact. - Don't be vulgar.

Eleven years ago, I was still in finishing school.

Uh-huh, and I was a boy scout.

Oh, yeah? Ha, what good deed might you be doing in Paris?

I just told you.

I'm going to put on a review

and you're going to star in it.

Ha! Not a chance.

Why not?

(Nash) 'Oh, afraid of his nibs, huh?'

Say, I've got to hand it to that bird, he's smart.

The Grand Duchess Alix, that's marvelous.

He put you across in Paris like a real showman.

He's put me across? Ha!

I put myself across.

He thinks I'm on the level.

- He does? - Certainly.

[chuckles]

Well, well, well.

That's practically perfect.

[clears throat]

What's this?

That's your contract to star in my review.

Don't be ridiculous, Sherry. I won't sign this.

Oh, I think you will, Mabel.

(Butler) 'Your Highness, Mr. Baroque telephoned to say'

he'd be here in half an hour.

Thank you.

Sherry, he'd kill me if I signed it.

No, he won't. We let him design the costume.

Oh, he wouldn't do it.

Of course he will. You will make him.

The best-dressed woman in Paris.

The greatest review of a generation.

The triumph of the ostrich feather.

The great Baroque.

But what if I can't persuade him?

Listen, dearie, you sold him the idea

you're a grand duchess, didn't you?

You're just a piker, Ward.

Why didn't you tell me that 10,000 was your limit?

For $10,000 you couldn't put on a flea circus.

Yeah, but I don't wanna put on in to flea circus.

I want to sell ostrich plumes.

Didn't you tell me that there was $50,000 in it for me

if I put your feathers across?

Yes, I did. But you gotta sell 'em first.

My dear, Joe, can't you see that this review is precisely

the thing that's going to get sell them?

- Millions of them. - Yeah. Ten is my limit.

Mr. Baroque on the phone.

Excuse me, just a moment, please.

Uh, take care of Joe.

- Hello? - Monsieur Nash.

I would like to see you regarding this review

in which you propose to present the Grand Duchess Alix.

Monsieur Baroque, it will be a pleasure

and a privilege to meet you.

Of course, I'm pretty busy, but, uh, I'll very gladly

put aside my other engagements.

I'm sure if I could see you for a few moments

we could arrange matters to the satisfaction of both of us.

Quite right. Au revoir.

Practically signed up.

Don't be crude.

[laughing]

Gentlemen, Monsieur Baroque and the duchess

will be here in ten minutes.

Now, we've got to put on the dog for this.

Then you don't need me.

- On the contrary, senator. - Senator?

You're Senator Ward. You are financing this show.

Oh, no, I'm not. No, no.

- Now don't worry about that. - Alright.

Just sit still and look like a senator.

Oh.

[burps]

Bonjour, monsieur.

Hello.

Won't you be seated?

[pounding on floor]

[indistinct chatter]

They're here. Here's his card.

Uh-oh.

Oh.

There you are...senator.

Lynn, take a letter.

Oh, just a minute.

Alright. Ahem.

Yes, Monsieur Savarin, I'll be..

I'll be delighted.

(Nash) 'Yes, the contracts are all ready.'

'They're just, uh, awaiting your signature'

'Monsieur Savarin.'

Mr. Nash will see you now. Will you step in, please?

(Nash) 'Oh, yes, yes. I'll be expecting you, Monsieur Savarin.'

Au revoir.

Oh.

Monsieur Baroque, I'm charmed.

Enchante.

Your Highness.

That'll be all, Miss Lynn.

Your Highness, Monsieur Baroque

allow me to present Senator Ward.

Senator. The Grand Duchess Alix.

Monsieur Baroque.

In America, the senator is known as the Ostrich Feather King.

[chuckles]

- What a dumbbell Sherry is? - But what a showman?

Why does he want to go into show business for?

Just as our sketches are beginning

to catch on in New York.

Oh, that's only chicken feed compared to this racket.

Did you get a load of that duchess?

Isn't she a honey?

Yeah, sweet.

Ah-ah-ah, catty, catty.

Why of all people Savarin? He is no artist. He has no soul.

Well, Senator Ward insists upon Savarin.

'Don't you, senator?'

I say, don't you, senator?

I don't I what?

Senator is just a little hard of hearing.

You see, Monsieur Baroque, Senator Ward is my partner

in this review, and of course his is always the last word.

Positively.

I'm willing to buy out

Senator Ward's interest in the review.

Well, I, uh, hardly think the senator would consider that.

Oh, but I would not be happy unless Monsieur Baroque

designed my costumes.

[chuckles] Would I, Oscar?

Senator Ward, what would you want for your interest?

The senator's interest amounts to $75,000.

Would you sell for that?

Buddy, you think I'm deaf?

[laughs]

We're in the bag. We're in the bag.

Mm-hmm, and who'll be left holding it?

What's the matter, honey?

Oh, I do wish he'd stick

to one racket at a time.

Or one girl, huh?

To whom shall I make this check pay up?

- Eh, to cash. - Nash?

Cash. I handle all the finances for Senator Ward and myself.

Voila.

Thank you, Monsieur Baroque

on behalf of the senator.

If I may say so, I think we're all to be congratulated.

Absolument, it'll be nice if you'll give me the honor

of your charming society at luncheon tomorrow

we will discuss the necessary details.

I shall be delighted.

I'm sure our review will have a grand success.

Ah, Her Highness' charm and reputation guarantee that.

[speaking in French]

Au revoir, monsieur.

Well, senator, didn't I tell you?

Ha, we're in the money.

Yeah, well, how about my cut?

Oh-oh, my dear Joe

this money goes right into the show.

- Yeah, I know but-- - You know what?

This show would cause such a craze

for ostrich feathers that your ostriches

will have to work day and night. Double shift.

Yeah, then I better cable California

and buy some more ostrich roosters.

[laughs]

Oh, Snap, just take care of the senator. Ha ha.

Huh..

Congratulations, Sherry

you're just as smooth as ever.

Oh. Just as smooth as ever.

Uh, Lynn?

Oh, baby, it worked.

So, I see.

Well, what's the matter, honey? Aren't you pleased?

We stand to make a fortune out of this.

You can't tell where we'll end?

Oh, I know where we'll end.

I don't see why you don't have faith in me.

Well, look in the mirror and see.

[piano music]

How about a little relax-avoo?

[laughing]

[music continues]

[indistinct chatter]

Senator, are you ready for a still picture?

Just a moment. Now, just a moment.

What the..

- There you are. - 'Hold it.'

- 'Still. Voila.' - Fine.

Now, let's get one with Nash.

That's the second act finale.

I practically wrote it for you.

Suppose you say the rest with the music.

Come on, do a Helen Morgan. Sit there and inspire me.

Alright.

[piano music]

Oh-oh, Mr. Nash, I've been looking for you.

- Oh, yes? - Yeah.

- What do you think of that? - Say.

What do you think of that for a fan, huh?

- Fan? - Yeah.

Why, that's a complete costume.

Yeah.

[music continues]

Ah!

- Snap. - You're right, governor.

(Nash) 'Uh, Lynn?'

Huh, it's too bad, you don't get along

better with our young American composer.

Oh, Jimmy's a darling. Don't you like him?

My passion for him is well under control.

Mr. Nash, Peter is looking for you.

I'll be right there.

Are you lunching with me today?

If you like.

Oscar, do go and see if my second act costume

is ready for fitting, yeah?

[speaking in French]

- Ha, Bonjour, monsieur. - Bonjour, monsieur.

Your Highness.

Why, say, that's not bad.

Not bad? Say magnifique.

- Mon cheri. - Yeah.

The duchess, she wants help.

Ah, Your Highness.

At your service.

Oh.

I beg your pardon.

Say, what is this Lynn girl to you, anyway?

Now, don't you start, I am having enough trouble

explaining you to her.

Oh! You..

Say, Lynn, how about having lunch with me?

No thanks, Jimmy, not today.

Got other plans? Oh, I forgot.

You're still carrying a torch for that Nash, aren't you?

Listen, Lynn, I'm crazy about you.

Why don't you forget that worthless--

- No account. - Double crossing.

- Lying. - Two-timing.

- Unscrupulous. - Unfaithful.

- Son of a-- - So and so.

It's no use, Jimmy.

Atop every adjective you can give me.

I see, it's a case of..

♪ Oh my man I love him so.. ♪♪

Oh, stop it.

[piano music]

[orchestral music]

[applauding]

Ready? Ready? Quick. Pick my next change.

Oh, baby, baby.

Just in time to congratulate you.

Oh. No kidding, Sherry. How was I?

- Did they like me? - Like you? Listen to them.

Say, if you're half as good in the second act

as you were in the first

well, duchess, that'll make you a queen.

Ah!

[orchestral music]

Senator?

You want to make as much money as possible.

- Do you not? - I certainly do.

Now, you and I, senator

can rule the ostrich feather world.

It's no use. I'm tied up with Nash.

What's tied can be untied by a clever lawyer.

- I have an attorney. - Yes.

But I gave him an option. He can sue us.

- Oh, scrap of paper. - Hmm.

I can do more for you than this Nash.

We will have my lawyer void the option.

At the worst he can only sue us.

What else can he do?

Oscar?

You'll be surprised.

[audience applauding]

[orchestral music]

♪ When your melody of tomorrow ♪

♪ Seems to go astray ♪

♪ Let your heart be free ♪

♪ Of the cares that come to you ♪

♪ Sing your lonely song of the blues ♪

♪ In a happy-go-lucky rhyme ♪

♪ In a while you'll find ♪

♪ That it's all been blended ♪

♪ Mended ♪

♪ Play your broken melody ♪

♪ Upon the strings of fantasy ♪

♪ Forget about your rainbow schemes ♪

♪ Spin a little web of dreams ♪

♪ There's a rosy dawn on high ♪

♪ That flames across a summer sky ♪

♪ To capture all its golden beams ♪

♪ Spin a little web of dreams ♪

♪ You can weave your calicos ♪

♪ Into a feather gown ♪

♪ Purple plumes and lace of golden brown ♪

♪ To grace you ♪

♪ Love will take you by the hand ♪

♪ And lead you to its wonderland ♪

♪ Forget about your rainbow schemes ♪

♪ Spin a little web of dreams ♪

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[music continues]

♪ Play your broken melody ♪

♪ Upon the strings of fantasy ♪

♪ Forget about your rainbow schemes ♪

♪ Spin a little web of dreams ♪

♪ There's a rosy dawn on high ♪

♪ That flames across a summer sky ♪

♪ To capture all its golden beams ♪

♪ Spin a little web of dreams ♪

♪ You can weave your calicos ♪

♪ Into a feather gown ♪

♪ Purple plumes and lace of golden brown ♪

♪ To grace you ♪

♪ Love will take you by the hand ♪

♪ And lead you to its wonderland ♪

♪ Forget about your rainbow schemes ♪

♪ Spin a little web of dreams ♪

[instrumental music]

♪ You can weave your calicos ♪

♪ Into a feather gown ♪

♪ Purple plumes and lace of golden brown ♪

♪ To grace you ♪

♪ Love will take you by the hand ♪

♪ And lead you to its wonderland ♪

♪ Forget about your rainbow schemes ♪

♪ Spin a little web of dreams ♪♪

[audience applauding]

Ladies and gentlemen.

All the charm, all the glamour

you've seen this evening was presented, executed

and designed by the energy, the enthusiasm

and the genius of one man..

'Mr. Sherwood Nash.'

Ladies and gentlemen.

I've always been told that when good Americans die

they don't go to heaven.

They go to Paris.

Smart Americans don't wait until they die.

They don't want to take any chances.

My friends, tonight you have seen more

than the premier of review.

You've seen the birth of an idea.

I am not content merely to give you fashion

over the footlights.

I want to bring it to you into your homes.

'It is my plan therefore to establish here'

in your great city, an institution dedicated

to the highest ideals of fashion.

A temple of creative art.

What I may offer for your approval

'the most advanced conceptions'

in modern styles.

This establishment, I shall call Maison Elegance.

'Where I trust, I shall continue'

'to have the pleasure of catering'

'to your discrimination and taste.'

It is my further hope that Maison Elegance

will prove a worthy successor to the house of Oscar Baroque

your reigning king of fashion

who I learn is about to abdicate.

'I thank you.'

[instrumental music]

- Alright? - Governor, you wowed 'em.

We'll put that guy on ice.

Sold.

You liar, crook. What does this mean?

Oscar, I told you, you'd be surprised.

What about your contract with me?

What is tied can be untied.

You cannot beat this contract.

A contract. A piece of paper.

You cannot bluff me. I'm not to be kickin' in.

I am the king of fashion.

Well, for your information, Oscar

a king can always be taken by an ace.

[instrumental music]

Oh, they're beautiful.

Tell me, does it hurt the ostrich

when they're plucked?

Madame, our patented plucking process

is practically painless.

- Monsieur Nash. - Madame.

Tell me, I'm so interested.

Do you supervise all details of this?

Even to the page girl's costumes?

Oh, yes, I take care of everything

from the bottom up.

- How do you do? - Monsieur Nash.

I want you to do my entire trousseau, bridal gown

going-away dress, laundry.

You handle laundry, don't you?

Oh, yes. I take care of that personally.

Oh, thank you, thank you.

You serve the most delicious caviar.

I guess. It comes from contented sturgeons.

- Monsieur Nash. - Yes.

This is all very beautiful.

But where are the dresses?

Ah, madame, have patience.

My creations are like jewels.

They require the proper setting.

Monsieur! Monsieur!

Madame has just arrived.

Sherry, it's late, you can't keep

those people waiting here all day.

Don't worry, baby. As long as there's food, they'll wait.

Governor. Here she is.

(male #2) 'Grand Duchess Alix.'

You're late, duchess.

When Baroque discovers I've been here

I'll be the late duchess.

How do you do?

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[audience applauding]

I regret we haven't been able to please you, madame.

They have nothing. We'll go over to the Maison Elegance.

Madame, monsieur.

We are all suffering

at the hands of this unscrupulous American.

Your showroom, Savarin.

And yours madame De Ville

and yours and yours and yours are as empty as mine.

What are we going to do about it?

My friends, I have here cables to my agents in New York.

Reports of my detectives in Paris, proving that this Nash

'is selling fraud sketches in New York.'

(all) What!

Sketches signed Baroque.

Signed De Ville. Signed Savarin.

We must protect ourselves.

- Yes. - It must be done at once.

Monsieur Baroque, what shall we do?

I'm glad to see that in this crisis

we cease to be competitors.

We must unite to drive this thief out of our country.

Here is my plan to get rid of Nash.

We've got to get that shipment of feathers through the customs

right away. When did the boat dock?

Uh, yesterday morning. But it seems there's some hitch.

Well, why don't you drive down to the customs house yourself

and un-hitch them? We're up to our eyebrows in orders.

'And cable California to step up production.'

- 'We're way behind.' - Right.

I got 50,000 eggs all ready to hatch.

Well, women don't wear eggs. They wear feathers.

Yes, but they can't hurry Mother Nature, Mr. Nash.

I suppose not. Say, I've got it.

Women buy unborn baby lamb for furs.

- Don't they? - Yes.

We'll ship the eggs over here and sell them

unborn baby ostrich.

- That's great. Great. - On your way, senator.

Just soon as I have a drop of lunch.

Now, all you gotta do is tell me

what time will you be there?

I didn't quite get that, honey.

What time, cherie?

Snap.

- You're right, governor. - What?

Oh. Something I forgot.

Don't you see, Lynn, you simply gotta make up your mind

because I'm going away.

- Leaving Michelle? - Yes, I'm going to Berlin.

Won't you come with me?

I'm asking you to marry me.

- Oh, I don't know, Jimmy. - Don't be such a little fool.

You know Nash will never marry you.

How can you go on believing in him?

He told you he'd quit after this show, didn't he?

Look at this place. He'll never quit.

He'll drag you from one racket to another.

Oh, Jimmy, would you please stop this?

He's just using you, you do all the work here

while he fools around with the duchess.

I see.

Dirty work in the gold shop.

I must see you alone at once.

Yes. Something very important.

Well, can't you tell me over the phone?

Oh. Alright.

I'll be here. Au revoir.

I love you, Lynn. I could make you happy.

Am I interrupting a sale?

I hope you heard what I was saying.

The lyrics are charming, you must let me

hear the music sometime.

I'm trying to persuade Lynn

to forget you and marry me.

If she's smart, that's probably what she would do.

You hear that?

Sherry, do you mean that?

Do you really want me to go away with him?

No, baby, I don't.

But he'd probably make you much happier than I would.

[instrumental music]

Darling, will you come with me?

Oh, Jimmy. I don't know what to do.

You know when my train is. Will you try to make up your mind?

Yes. I'll try.

Are you in love with him?

Jimmy's a grand person and he's a soul of honor.

- And I'm a heel. - Oh, don't be so funny.

Baby, I'll make you a promise.

I'm so tired of your promises.

Yeah, but this one is different, honey.

- I mean it. - Well..

Give me two more weeks to wind this up, and I'll quit.

I'll cash in and we'll go back to America.

What about your titled girlfriend?

(Nash) 'Well, in the first place she isn't my girlfriend.'

'And in the second place her title is phony.'

(Lynn) 'What do you mean?'

(Nash) 'I mean that the Grand Duchess Alix'

'is plain Mabel McGuire of Hoboken.'

I knew of that 11 years ago.

Oh, baby..

Your little finger means more to me

than all the Mable McGuires or grand duchesses

in the whole of Europe.

You made love to her.

Well, maybe I did. I had to kid her along.

But on the level, honey, she doesn't mean a thing to me.

Well, I think you're lying, but you do it so beautifully.

Oh.

Oh. Well, hello.

We were just talking about you. Don't go, baby.

Well, duchess, what was it you had to tell me?

Nothing.

But over the phone you said, uh..

I say now, nuts.

- Boss. - Yeah.

There's two mugs out there that wanna see you.

- Let 'em wait. - No.

They won't wait. They're cops.

Let 'em in.

Ah, bonjour, monsieur.

Won't you sit down?

Have a smoke.

This is no social visit, monsieur.

I am from the prefect of police.

Well..

You are charged, monsieur, with forgery

fraud, petty larceny

and grand larceny and a paragraph five

sub-section B, article 17, of the criminal code

of the Republic of France.

It is my duty to arrest you.

And who brings these charges?

As you will see.

Mm, Oscar Baroque.

Oh, on behalf of

the Associated Coutoures Protective Alliance of Paris.

Well. That's ducky.

Oh, monsieur, uh, could I have a few moments

with my secretary?

Privately?

Oh, I'll not try to escape.

If monsieur will give me his word of honor.

By all means, monsieur.

I told you this would happen.

You...you promised me you'd quit.

No, baby, it's alright. I can get out of this.

I don't care whether you do or not. I'm through.

But, honey, it's very simple.

Why, all I got to do is find the duchess.

Then tell the duchess.

I'm going to Berlin with Jimmy tonight.

Oh, but wait a minute, baby, you can't do this.

- You love me. - No, I don't.

I don't!

Monsieur, if you'll give me just half an hour

I'm quite sure that this little misunderstanding can be settled.

By all means, monsieur.

But we'll have to go with you wherever you go.

Monsieur, it's a pleasure. Come on.

Hmm. I wanna see you, just a moment, Mr. Nash.

Well, some other time, senator.

It's about those feathers.

Well, we'll get together again.

- I bet they were all diseased. - Diseased?

Yeah, the entire cargo has been confiscated

by the French Board Of Health. They're all condemned.

- When did you hear this? - Just now.

You haven't heard a thing. Get me?

Yeah.

[instrumental music]

[indistinct chatter]

Monsieur Nash.

Ah, I see, I'm just in time to congratulate you.

How dare you come here?

Oh, I'm leaving in a moment.

Just a soon as you tell this gentleman

that there's been a little mistake.

There has been no mistake.

I've to complaint myself.

Don't you think there's been a little mistake, precious?

Monsieur, you will address Her Highness

by her correct title!

Would you really like me to do that?

Perhaps you have been little too hasty, darling.

No, I have delayed too long!

Take him away.

Just a moment.

Monsieur Baroque, I have something to tell you.

Something rather personal.

If you take a tip from me

you'll listen to it... in private.

- Monsieur-- - Oscar.

Why did you bring him here?

He asked if he might drop in

for a moment on his way to jail.

Sherry, you're gonna spill the beans about me?

Not if you call your husband off.

But I can't do that, he's determined

to put you behind bars.

But I don't like it behind bars.

I'm sorry, Mabel, but it's my only weapon.

What about me?

Well, listen, baby, the wedding is over.

You've got him, haven't you? He's hooked.

What can happen to you?

He can have the marriage annulled.

What, and be the laughing stock of Paris? Oh, no.

Well, what have you to say?

Monsieur Baroque..

Before they drag me off to the Bastille

I'd like to tell you a little story.

And let you decide whether or not

I should tell it to the press.

'This is the story of someone'

'very near and dear to you.'

- Well? - Well.

Years ago in the lovely American city of Hoboken..

There was born to Mr. and Mrs. Elma McGuire

a beautiful bonny little baby girl

'whom they named Mabel.'

But this does not mean anything to me.

Oh, you're not interested in little Mabel.

Well, now let's see.

Would you by any chance be interested in birthmarks?

- Birthmarks? - Yes, birthmarks.

Mabel had one. Oh, yes indeed.

She had the cutest little strawberry mark

in the most unusual and interesting location.

What proof have you of this?

Aside from the strawberry mark?

Well, uh, there's Elma McGuire

her father as able and conscientious

a bootlegger as ever faked a gin label.

I'm sure he'd be able to identify her.

- Is this true? - But, darling.

You swore it was me you loved, not my title.

You have tricked me! You're an impostor!

Oh, pipe down, quit yelling at me

you cheap little dressmaker.

You are fraud. You tricked me into marriage.

Tricked you? Who wanted this marriage in the first place?

You know, you're no bargain.

You begged and pleaded, why?

So I'd bring customers into your shop.

I'll have you put in prison!

Maybe we'd get adjoining cells.

Go ahead. Just try to put me in jail.

Just you try.

Oh, boy, I can spill more dirt

about you and some of your pretty little habits.

- You are shameless. - Go ahead. I'm all for it.

They haven't had a good laugh in Paris for years.

Let's give them a break.

Madame Baroque tells all.

The love life of dressmaker.

- But that would ruin me. - You said a mouthful.

Ah, but, monsieur, uh, no one need know.

It was my very good fortune to meet Her Highness years ago

but, uh, I'm the soul of discretion.

[knocking on door]

Monsieur, I cannot wait any longer.

I must take the defendant.

Monsieur Baroque, don't you think now

that there has been a little mistake?

I will withdraw the charges.

Well, that's that.

- Now. - What's this?

This is a contract to purchase Maison Elegance.

The most flourishing business in Paris.

Send the porter up with my things, will you?

And call a taxi.

Yes, for the Berlin Express.

Alright, Tibby.

Now, we're ready to go.

Voila.

Now, merci, monsieur.

This includes everything.

Business, goodwill, fixtures, and of course, the feathers.

Including the last big shipment.

Oh, yes indeed.

All the feathers.

I, uh, regret that I can't remain

at your charming reception.

Monsieur, in America, it's the custom of good friends

to kiss the bride.

In France, I understand they also kiss the groom.

Au revoir, monsieur.

Your Highness.

Bon fortune.

[car engine revving]

But that's not my bag.

No, baby, that's mine.

What? I thought you were in jail.

What are you doing here?

Well, taking you to the boat.

Oh, you're not. I'm going to Berlin with Jimmy.

You're going to America with me.

- Well, I'm not. - Oh, yes, you are.

Look, baby, I've sold the business.

[foghorn blaring]

Sherry, now that you wiggled out of this

you've got to make me a promise.

No more of your crazy schemes.

Honey, absolutely.

From now on, you're the captain.

- Mr. Nash. - Yeah.

- Mr. Nash? - Yes?

Would you mind looking into this box?

What do you see?

- Looks like a lot of worms. - Exactly.

Mr. Nash, I have the most wonderful proposition for you.

For years, I have experimented and at last I've succeeded.

I have succeeded in crossing silkworms with glowworms

to make luminous evening dresses.

Well. Say, that's an idea.

(male #3) 'Why, Mr. Nash, we can make all fabrics'

glow like so many neon lights.

And you are the only man in the world, Mr. Nash

who can put over this marvelous discovery.

Think of the possibilities, Mr. Nash.

Women's dresses glowing, scintillating.

Indoors, outdoors, picnics, parties, balls..

We don't have to stop at dresses.

Well, that's right.

We could make lingerie, pajamas, nightdresses.

Of course. Are you a married man, Mr. Nash?

Wouldn't you like to see your wife glowing in the darkness?

My worms! My worms!

My worms! My worms!

My worms!

Baby, do you know what you've done?

Do you realize what you've thrown away?

Yes, I know. A chance to make a million dollars.

[foghorn blaring]

I get you, captain.

[laughing]

Snap?

Right, governor.

[instrumental music]