Original subtitles

This is the order of the day?

Yes.

Take care of that.

Yeah, take care of it. Talk to the guy and take care of it.

Alright.

Yeah, tell him it's from me. He knows.

Alright.

Ah,

jeez.

What's going on, dude?

What's wrong? Trouble at work?

No, no, no. These guys take care of this stuff for me. It's, you know, you know

how it goes.

What's going on? You want to talk to me about something?

Yeah, alright.

You know it's Father's Day and everything coming up, right? Right.

Alright, so... I'm having a little issue.

Alright, Fiona... Fiona...

It's really weird to talk about you.

Come on, come on, spit it out, spit it out. Look, Fiona has brought it to my

attention about, you know, trouble with guys, school, whatnot, this, that, and

other. So I don't want her to get distracted by, like, a relationship with

young fucking wet -behind -the -ears college boy, you know what I mean? Okay,

what do you need from me?

Long story short, I need a... You need me to find somebody for your daughter,

that what you're telling me?

Kind of. All right, so, I mean...

I mean, she's very pretty. That's not going to be hard, all right? You want me

to find somebody that's, you know, not going to get her in trouble, something

like that?

Someone that's not going to distract her. Right.

What did we have back when we were, you know, fuck buddies? Like a fuck buddy,

but somebody that's, yeah, and somebody's going to keep her on track

to, I got you, no problem. Don't worry, I'll take care of it for you.

I have the perfect, actually, I got someone in mind.

He's great.

He's fantastic.

He'll be perfect for her.

I got it taken care of. Don't even think about it one more second. Just let the

thought go out of your mind.

I got it. I can't. I can't. I can't. It can't just be anybody.

No, no, no. I got somebody.

Somebody I've known.

Listen, this guy. Tony, Tony, that's the problem.

See, if I put her with someone she may, you know, fall in love with. I got

business here.

Her mother's going to freaking kill me, and it'll ruin her grades. No, no, no.

This guy, leave it up to me.

Don't worry about it. I got it all under control.

Just let the thought go out of your mind. I got a perfect person.

He's going to take very, very good care of her. Do you trust me?

How long we known each other? Do you trust me? I feel like I'm being sold

now, man. Like I'm one of your people. But yeah, I fucking trust you. Alright,

got you. Alright, just don't sell me the deal like you did over there, Python.

Look, another call. Let me take this. Alright.

Hey, what do I do?

Do I set it up? Do I make her? Yeah, tell her. Tell her and just let me know.

Is she coming home now?

Yeah, she's coming home soon. But give me an address or something. A restaurant

or some shit, okay?

But no, no. Take your call. Take your call. I'll figure it out.

Hey Fiona, sweetie.

When you get home, I need to talk with you, okay?

Everything good? Yeah, we're good. Okay, so I got somewhere to be, take care of

a few things.

Do you want me to come back here around 5 o 'clock?

Do you want me to tell her? Yeah, tell her. I'll bring the guy along with me

we'll make it happen.

We'll make it as a whole family event. All right.

I got you. Don't worry about it.

All right. I'll see you later. Hey, don't forget to watch the game.

Busy man. Busy man.

Hey, I got your text. What's up?

All right, sweetheart.

So, I know how things are, you know. I know it's Father's Day. It's a little

vacation time for you from school.

But I'm concerned about your schooling. Since your last boyfriend, you know, you

kind of fell off track. Yeah.

And I understand. And, you know, I don't even want to talk about that.

So I arranged something for you.

Arranged something?

Mm -hmm.

Something to fulfill your needs.

This is a little rough for me. I'm your stepdad. But it's still kind of weird

for me to say. So your sexual desires and maybe an emotional connection.

But it won't diminish your quality of school.

You know what I mean? Right.

So... Here's the thing.

You can't tell your mother.

Can't tell her what?

Anything at all.

Anything? Yes, you can't tell her about this, you can't tell her about the text

message, nothing. Period. End of story. Because she will fucking kill me.

Okay. Alright? So what is it?

You know my, um... Pretty much my lifelong friend, Tony, right?

Yeah. Okay.

He...

Said that he has the perfect person for you for this situation.

Really?

You seem a little too overexcited. Calm down.

Yeah, really.

But remember, this can't be a relationship type thing. You just have

physical. Okay?

Physical. Correct. You can't get too emotionally connected because my main

priority is your schooling. Do you understand?

Right. Yeah, mine too. All right. So...

You got home just in time. Tony's supposed to be here at 5, and it's 4

I'm assuming in a little to no time that Tony and

his... Well, I guess this guy he found for you is going to be here.

Huh. Are you okay with this?

And Mom doesn't know about it?

We just said that Mom cannot know. So obviously Mom does not know.

Do I have to worry that you're going to say something?

No, no.

Okay, mum's the word. Do you understand?

You cannot let it slip. Do you hear me?

Okay. So let me get this straight.

You found a guy for me. No, no, no. I didn't find a guy.

Tony is finding a guy. Tony found a guy. Okay.

For me to use when I'm horny so that I don't have to go chasing college guys,

focus on my schoolwork. You're goddamn right. Your schoolwork is.

The number one priority.

Huh.

Okay.

I'd like to meet this guy. What does he look like?

I have no fucking idea.

You don't know?

Speaking of that, I trust in Tony, and I'm pretty sure it's going to be someone

you really, really like. Come here, buddy.

Hey, brother.

Hey. How are you? Hey, nice to see you. Hey.

What?

A guy.

Hello? Tony.

What? You said you had a guy. I got a guy right here. Listen.

Listen, you said you want somebody you can trust.

Somebody that's not going to get emotionally attached.

You want somebody that's going to take care of her. Put her in a good space.

Make sure she has a good time.

Who better than me? Huh?

Come on.

She's in great hands.

I didn't think you were going to throw your hat into the ring, man. This is

of like, you know, we went from here to right here. This is a very delicate

situation, and in situations like this, you want somebody that you can really

count on, correct?

Who can you count on better than me? No, it's fine, Tyler.

I don't mind.

So I hear you're going to college, right? Yeah.

Yeah, I've been to college once or twice.

Yeah, you know, I think... Okay, well, you guys have a good time. If your

finds out, it's on your ass.

Yeah, you go. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. I got this. Don't

worry.

This could be really fun. Yeah.

If you need anything, I'm the guy. You're the guy.

Man, look at Phil.

Ow.

Ow.

Fuck, in my house? What? On my couch?

You told him to take care of me. Yeah, I thought he was going to take you

somewhere else, not here on my couch.

Your fucking jizz is on my couch.

You got a point. I'm sorry. You know what? I'm going to let myself out.

Ben, remember, you need anything?

I'm going to leave a phone call away, all right? All right.

I'll take you up on that.

My God.

Fiona.

Jeez, you've got to act like your mother.

Listen.

Go put some clothes on and clean that up. No, no, wait, wait. No, no, no, no,

no.

Clean it up. All right. Yeah, put some clothes on and clean that shit up off

couch. Okay? I want to go to Father's Day dinner and your mother's going to be

home soon.

Ooh, can we go for Italian?

Can you just... Okay, okay. I'm sitting here blind right now. Put some clothes

on and clean that shit up. You got Tony's jizz on my couch on fucking

Day. I'll clean it up. Did you leave the room?

Yep.

Fucking Tony.

The guy.

The guy who has the guy that has the guy.

With his jizz on my couch on Father's Day. I'm great.

Clean that shit up, Fiona!

Let's go!