Original subtitles

Welcome to Waterloo Road, Russell. I'm sure the parents are going to be very

happy that we've got a local hero doing his teaching practice here.

Well, I hope the kids feel the same way.

Well, from what I hear from Kim, you've got no worries there.

And you even look the part, so you managed to find the iron.

Yes.

Andrew's going to be your mentor while you're here.

I'm looking forward to my 14 weeks, if I last that long. Well, you've certainly

got experience if I'm all...

How shall I put it?

Recalcitrant children.

That's half the battle. He means the scumbags.

And I bet they don't call them that at college.

Jack likes to shock. It's a personality disorder.

You're going to love it, Ian.

Waiting

for

the right word.

But I won't find them anyway, to let you know my truth.

I'll wait with you.

Bye, Pat.

I just wondered if you were free tonight.

I was free the other night, but you blew me out.

Yeah, I know, I'm an idiot, but... I think you should know.

Jack asked me to move in with him.

How do you want to live with him?

Last week you were going out with me.

I've been kidding myself thinking I can have what I want when I want it.

Putting everyone in their separate box.

And I've realised I don't want to be in a separate box anymore.

I think Raymond loves you.

So why else would he ask me to live with him?

You're his second.

Every box is fantasy, isn't it?

Morning.

Miss you last night.

And the night before that.

And the night before that. That's what I'm missing.

I do have to stay at my own place sometimes.

Which reminds me.

Have you made your mind up yet about moving in?

I'm still thinking it over.

Thinking or stalling?

So is he arrived yet?

No, he couldn't.

He's having a nosy round the school.

Go admire him.

Leaving the police to become a teacher.

You admire that, do you?

It's not an easy job, this.

No. Not like a secretary's.

Eh?

So, what would I have to do to become one of these teaching assistants?

You serious?

Hiya.

Hiya.

And a kindred spirit.

Oh, you were.

There's some amazing stuff in him.

Did one of your pupils do that?

Yeah, yeah, one of my year nine.

Got high hopes for her.

It's great to see that kind of self -expression in a young person.

Yeah, she's a natural.

Like you.

You velvet.

Kim knows she's my role model.

I might need you to hold my hand for a couple of days.

I know you can do it.

I just can't afford to lose you from this office.

The whole school revolves around you.

Are you patronising me?

The exact opposite.

Which is what?

Well, I'm bigging you up, aren't I?

You know what, Jack? I sometimes worry that you think this is me.

What you see here every day.

Doing the boss's filing, typing his letters, making us coffee.

Look, I'm the one that asked you to move in with me.

Says what I feel about you.

And no, I'm not going to ask you to wash my socks.

I do have three A -grade A -levels of my own, you know.

I just decided that I'd learn more travelling the world than going off to

Which is why I did a secretarial course.

So I could get a job whenever I needed to.

That's great.

There'll be loads of conversations we haven't had yet.

Listen, I'm just glad that you ended up working here.

So I could meet you.

Look, why don't I make the tea? Prove my new man credentials.

So it's okay then, is it?

Me sending my TV off for clearance.

Look, I'm keen for you to get on, but maybe not this year, eh?

Not with the headmaster's interviews only a couple of weeks away.

Let's just work together for a while, see how it pans out, yeah?

Which makes me sound like a little extension of you, which I'm not.

Don't be like that.

You know what, Jack?

I was thinking when you asked me to move in with you that it meant something.

But it doesn't, does it?

It's all about convenience for you.

How much?

Ruffalo used to be a policeman before he got the call to teach.

He actually got stabbed as well, saving this young woman from a violent lover.

Wow, fantastic.

Oh, sorry, I hope you don't mind me.

No, I just hope you've got metal detectors on the school gates.

You're joking, aren't you? We don't even have a school gate at the school gate.

Nicked. Take my advice.

Pretend you've still got the power of arrest. They won't know any different.

And you can keep them right there.

Well, I might have to come to you myself when I've got a problem, Russell.

I'm Steph, by the way. Steph Haydock.

French. Hi.

So, why did you give up the force? Was it because of the stabbing?

I was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Russell. Why don't we head off? I'll show you my lesson plan for the next

period.

You threat.

You can do hockey like no one else can know.

I don't feel like talking, really.

I don't think I want to listen anyway, so why waste my breath?

It's you that don't want to listen.

Maybe I've just got too much stuff clashing in my head right now.

Do you think it's possible for someone to like two people at the same time?

No, I don't.

If that's what's bothering you, I'd stick my clasping head under a tap.

How can you be so sure?

Because if you really love someone, Brett, you want to be with them all the

time.

Anyway, I can guess who you're talking about.

Leanne Galloway?

Leanne?

It's DeViva's shacklet.

Come on.

Beep, beep.

If you don't play, I'll pause there, remember?

Just a second, Tammy.

She's gone out with Mr. Willer, hasn't she?

I didn't know that.

I met her in a bar one night.

I didn't know who she was then.

It's just wild.

It's just pretty amazing.

Yeah. And then I couldn't find her again.

She lost her phone.

I kept going back far, but next time I saw her, I couldn't believe it.

It was sitting there on her desk in here.

Anyway.

Don't think anything's going to happen now.

Sorry about that. Just got cut short.

Brett!

D 'accord.

I don't get it.

Why did you end up on my doorstep the other day?

Do you mean to blow you out, did you say? You thought you'd come and give me

go?

You know I feel something for you.

Something?

Do you know what, Brett?

You make me sick.

All right?

Best way to start at last, have them calm and orderly before they're going.

Kim told me you were a bit of a stickler for the old rules.

Did Kim?

Don't get me wrong, I think it's great. I mean, obviously it works a treat.

After you.

Did I not help you with your own work last night?

Well, I had to work out a bit last night, eh?

You mean you didn't do it?

You're all going to be getting your detention.

Oh, big deal.

It's nuts, isn't it? Having your foster mum be your detention.

She's not my foster mum.

I'm getting a real one today, though. I can't wait.

It's like the day dot was well bad.

The flaming alcoholic.

Well bad.

Quite a difference, ain't it?

I dropped the bottles in the bin and I was like, well, and that's been, like,

not even a week.

Definition, anybody?

Francis. Sir, is it a description of a word?

Indeed it is, Frances.

Think out of the box, as they say.

Mr Millen and I will come round and have a look at your suggestions.

Very impressive.

Little thing I've learned over the years.

Don't let even one child slack.

If people believe that there are deeply free zones, then they always have a few

whose attention wanders.

I don't think so. No, it's not a dumb thing, but I like being thrown into the

deep end.

And you've done all the hard work. I'd rather you didn't serve for the time

being. You might pick up a few tips.

All right, look, you've seen the lesson plan.

Why didn't you take them for the last five minutes?

On my own.

Look, I admire your enthusiasm.

Ooh, take you all of two minutes, did it, Janice?

Oh, no way, Miss, I've set it all night.

Shut it, you!

No, you!

Shut it.

You are going to have to put in a lot more effort if you want to even think of

getting any GCSEs.

This is your second chance, Janice.

Don't blow it.

At least I've done something she hasn't. None of your business what I've done.

Me? Maxine said you didn't bother with the work because you were too out of it.

She said you go through two bottles of gin a week.

I couldn't lie. Yes, it is a lie.

How dare you?

Miss, she's making it up.

Who's lying now, Maxine?

You can't have the bottles in me, say, Doctor Finn.

Say, she put that dry martini stuff as well in your drink.

You're for it, you are. You're always talking about Steph, isn't she?

Loyalty.

Stick. How did you come up with that? When you're loyal, you stick by

don't you?

Anger kettle Bowl with anger like a kettle I Don't

think Aaron's quite got what you were on about. Mr. Chairman. Perhaps you could

explain someone Yeah, yeah You see what it is

that you're looking for here Aaron is a word that isn't Too

far away from the words that are on the board

For example, anger is something that comes from inside you. It's a feeling.

Like when your mum doesn't allow you to watch your TV in your bedroom.

You mean like minging?

Exactly. Good.

Oh, the anger is a noun.

An abstract noun.

As Mr Millen says, it's about a feeling.

Things you can't touch or see or smell or hear.

Try to think of a word that you would substitute for anger in a sentence,

He felt anger.

Fury. Good.

Give the boy a gold star.

I am flaming mortified.

Miss, I'm sorry.

You have got a lot to learn about people's privacy, young lady.

I just hope your new foster parents have got the patience to cope with you.

I don't want to be fostered.

Why can't I just stay with you?

And why would you want to stay with someone who drinks 27 dry martinis a

Like I said, Maxine...

It's been nice having you.

But you need proper looking after, and I can't do that.

Why don't you just come right out and say what everybody else does?

You hate me, don't you?

Look, this children and families place will have you sorted come lunchtime.

What you need is security, Maxine, not shacking up with your friend's teacher.

And to be quite honest...

I'd rather be on my own.

All right, kick me out.

Okay.

I'm not bothered.

I've got to hand it to you.

You're in control there.

Yeah. The children like you.

And you managed to keep them engaged.

Just one thing.

A comment designed to make a class laugh at a pupil's expense can have serious

consequences.

Disastrous sometimes.

Are they really that sensitive?

Yeah, in front of their peers.

Trust me.

Did you get anything from the lesson?

Yeah, it was very interesting.

Maybe... Look, I don't know, but at college they were always telling us to

the jazz factor, and possibly we could have...

Put them into pairs, got them to stick their words onto each other. Jazzy

college theories.

Sometimes the only things children need are a pencil and an exercise book.

So?

How did your first lesson go?

Shouldn't you ask Mr Trenneman?

Yes, yes, so far so good.

There's a long way to go, though. Oh, excellent.

Do you know what I think I cried on my first lesson? You?

I certainly didn't cry.

In fact, it was a very pleasant experience.

Yeah, you'll soon learn about Andrew that he was actually born with a piece

chalk in his mouth.

All that comes naturally to him.

Haven't you got Mr. Budgen's class next, Russell?

Oh, naughty boy.

I'll see you later.

See you in a bit.

It's not a good idea to criticise me in front of a student teacher.

Oh, Andrew, lighten up.

He's a fully grown adult who's got a lot more experience in the real world than

you.

So, your teenage son or daughter has come home two hours late and is smelling

alcohol.

Yeah, I know none of you lot know anything about that.

Anyway, you're at your wit's end. I mean, how many flaming times have you

tell them?

So what I want is, I want this side to take the reasonable approach.

Tell the child how worried you are. And I want this side to confront the child

and let the anger come boiling to the surface, yeah?

Drawing from personal experience, are we?

Could you just leave it?

OK? Shall we start?

Well, you're the expert.

And slam!

That drunken, pain -in -the -neck kid of yours comes walking through the door.

I want you to turn around and walk out of here like a decent human being, if

that's possible.

Why don't you just tell me to piss off?

You did my brother for Nick and Cass.

Yes, and he'll do you as well if you don't get on with those questions.

He's not a policeman any more, is he? You're one of them.

Sir, I'm going to show his car.

Why don't you all shut up, OK?

Get on with your work. Now, bags on the floor.

You get 20 out of 20 in your interpretation.

That is about as likely as the Easter bunny hopping through that door.

Well done, you.

Listen, if, um... If you wanted to give me a go on my own, I'm more than

willing. Very tempting.

Very tempting.

Seriously. Go and get yourself a cup of coffee. I'll be fine.

It's going to take him at least 15 minutes to finish those questions.

Exactly.

Right.

You know where I am, Mr Millen, if there's any trouble.

Put that away. Get on with your work.

Sir, Donna's not doing what you told her to do. I need more out of you and

I'll... Did you hear me say to put that away?

Stump it.

That is pure cheat.

Okay, fine.

It's been accomplished, Gareth.

Sir, you're not allowed to steal from people.

Do you hear what she called you, sir?

What? I didn't say anything.

It's the way now.

OK, just get on with your work, yeah? You, put that hood down.

What did you call Mr Miller?

Don.

Something. Sarah, she said it again.

Said what?

Began with S, didn't it?

So does she.

Get on with answering those questions.

No, S -D.

Um. Yeah, S -D, um.

Sarah just called to stump her. I was just saying what she said.

You are a rock, I guess.

Can I just tell you what I really think of you in case you got the wrong

impression of me?

You're really intelligent.

You're a great organiser. You'd make a fantastic teaching assistant.

But? No buts, no ifs.

Maybe the thing is, I just really like working with you.

And I thought that you really liked working with me.

I thought it said a lot about the way we work together.

Well, you've asked me to move in with you, Jack.

But you've not really said why.

For all I know, it's because you want me to work from home as well as the

office. You're the one who's not committing to me.

But it's not for me to commit, though, Jack, is it?

This is a power relationship.

Don't give me that feminist claptrap.

Why not?

I am a feminist.

And the law says that you're in a position of power over me.

Everybody knows it.

The onus is on you to prove you're not.

So, this is your reference for me for a teaching assistant role.

Mr. Busby is going to be back in a second, yeah?

So, why don't we go over the answers to the questions, yeah?

Okay, question one.

Why was Catherine confused?

Well, the answer is... The answer is... The answer is... The answer

is... Catherine was confused because she didn't know where the noise was coming

from.

Question two.

I was stumped by this question.

You're nothing but a cheeky wee get, do you know that?

My mum's coming in about that.

Is she?

Good. You swore.

teaching that loud swear one more word out of anybody and you are all going in

the cooler that's a promise that's a promise that's it then thanks very much

Mike looks like we're all going in the cooler now

I'm taking them to the library.

So far, so good.

Yeah.

What's going on? Mr. Millen sent us here.

Mr. Millen? I can only apologize, Mr. Trenum.

But they were all well out of order.

Every one of them.

I'm sorry this class has given you so much trouble, Mr. Millen.

Inside, all of you.

Quietly. You.

You.

Here.

Hey. Are you alright?

How many more times is this going to happen?

I don't know if it's a real pain anymore. I'm just imagining it. Yeah.

Try not to get too stressed about it.

I mean, this might be as bad as it ever gets.

And if the pills don't work, well, you can always go on the cannabis.

Yeah, great. Turn into a pothead.

What if I've got someone around to roll them up for me?

I think you're incredible, Lorna.

I'm really amazed by you.

And you know I'll always be around for you, don't you?

Yeah, well, then tell me what I want to hear.

You'll stay with me.

At least until you find a little palace.

Great.

If that's what you want.

Mr Budgen, looking for your class.

Would somebody mind telling me what the hell is going on? You left a student

teacher in charge of your year nines.

Uncontrollable call of nature, and if you want to check with my doctor, feel

free to do so.

Would you rather have had me leave the class on its own? It's not as if I'm

totally inexperienced when it comes to controlling children.

The cooler is designed for problem individuals, not whole classes.

What if the whole class misbehaves?

Look, I do understand something about the mentality of the pack, OK?

You should try placing a football match.

Exactly. Listen, if you lose control of a whole class, you'll never survive.

I'm going to have to speak to the headteacher, just to see how we can best

you along.

We don't want it happening again, do we?

Oh, no doubt you'll cause a major fuss.

You got a minute?

I don't think Andre

Trenneman likes me very much.

Oh, yeah?

He's been dying on me all day.

Well, I suppose we've been given the job of looking after you, haven't we?

I think he sees me as a bit of a rival.

Maxine's 16.

I'm sorry to say she doesn't meet the threshold for fostering.

Why's that?

Put simply, she doesn't class as vulnerable.

Of course she's vulnerable. She's homeless.

Now, strictly speaking, that isn't the case.

Told you.

Well, you can't expect her to go back and live with her rotten mum.

She was harbouring a sex predator, for God's sake.

It's her choice, Miss Haydock.

What she wants to do.

Where are we now, Maxine?

Well, yeah, she's with me at the minute, but it's not just a roof that she

needs. It's proper care.

Look, I suggest you try the homeless persons unit.

Oh, right.

They may be able to find Maxine some sort of semi -independent place, maybe a

hostel or a B &B.

Well, there you are, you see. It's better than nothing.

I'm the one that's got to live there.

I'll give you the number.

Maybe they could fix you up with something today.

I'm not going... Going to no homeless unit. Please don't be like that, Maxine.

I'm not!

About me.

Look, this is a bit awkward, but I'm going to have to ask you to stop me and

and Tina teaching together.

Hmm? I don't want to go into details, but he's been bringing his personal life

into the classroom.

Didn't have much of a personal life last time I spoke to him. Look, I know you

want to tell my mate.

You're asking me to disrupt my staff rotas.

I'll need good reason.

If Tom's behaved unprofessionally. I don't want to meld him up in front of

kids. If he can't get them to himself, then I don't want him in my class.

You can't blame a man feeling aggrieved being thrown out of his home.

He doesn't have to force it down the kid's throat, does he?

I mean, you need a trainee to be able to shout for help, not lie through his

flaming teeth at you. I think it's a lack of confidence.

Scared to admit there's something he doesn't know.

I should know you'd be here.

Russell is really upset, Jack.

And let's face it, Grantley shouldn't have even left him on his own. Well,

you're right there, but he lied to me.

He told me he was taking him to the library.

I'm not trying to make excuses for him, but he was embarrassed, you know. He was

trying to cover up.

Which is exactly what we need to teach him not to do. Oh, for God's sake, it's

not like someone's died, is it? You're allowing your friendship to interfere

with your judgement.

Has anyone ever told you that you can be quite pompous? You have, on several

occasions. Well, at least I'm consistent, aren't I? All right, calm

Look, can I not just mentor him, please?

Before Andrew puts him off teaching for life?

No. He's based in the English department. I want Andrew to keep an eye

I'm not getting it.

You're making it sound like he needs babysitting.

He's a trainee teacher.

Perhaps he does.

Has she got the arts for him or something?

I've spoken to Jack.

Everything's fine.

I'm not going to get six whacks of the cane, then.

Did Mr Rimmery mention my little fib?

Yeah, he did.

Do you want more tea?

Do you think I should go and apologise?

No. Do you know what? Just wait until things settle down a bit.

Settle down?

I thought you said everything was fine.

It is. Just forget about it.

I'm just frozen staring into space.

After that, the speed of light, I'm holding on, I'm holding tight. Stars are

gonna crash into this place.

Let's call it widescreen so we don't miss a thing.

Now I'm standing clean.

Mr. Treneman, about the incident... Don't be too hard on yourself.

We all need help sometimes.

I suppose I'm just used to being able to dish out the punishment.

That's the problem with teaching.

Our options are strictly limited.

So we have to make sure that we use them judiciously.

Well, I've got a departmental meeting next. Shouldn't be any problems there.

Me too, sure.

Is there anything else?

Something you'd like to talk about?

No. No, of course not.

I'm off to set up our work experience week, but I'll be back later on if you

need a sanding board.

Team teaching timetables.

Looks like it's all changed.

Can we discuss this in private, please?

Don't dog me in it, will you?

I'm trying to keep the lid on things in front of the kids.

You don't give a damn about the kids, and certainly not your own. All you're

doing is worrying them sick.

It's a deep -hot mental meeting. Leave my kids out of it. No, I won't leave

out of it because I care about them just as much as you.

Shut up, Tom. Don't you tell me.

You're the one who should feel guilty that this has happened. I do feel

You really are the limit. Listen to yourself, Lorna.

Defending them, letting them live in your house, spawning all over them.

you've got a sore bloody memory. That's all I want to say.

Bye.

Right, this isn't easy, guys, but either you sort this out for yourselves or I'm

going to have to sort it out for you.

I don't think anyone can do that.

Not unless they have a personality change.

Either you leave your personal issues at the school gate or one of you, or

perhaps two of you, have got to find somewhere else to teach. Hey, hold on a

second. We've got a right to a private life.

The problem with you lot is you can't keep it private.

Your 11 .30's waiting.

Talking of private lives... Right, I'm not having this.

One of you has got a fall on your sword. Do I have to choose which one?

If I could leave, I would.

But I've got the issue of having two teenage girls here.

Well, I'm not budging. I don't see why I should.

I see.

So it all comes back to me.

Fine. You'll have my resignation by the end of today.

Please, believe me, I'm not going out of my way to find fault with Russell.

Right, but you're going to.

I saw him come out of an off -licence not 20 minutes ago.

He looked... uncomfortable.

What, more uncomfortable than you do now?

Why would he go to an off -licence in his lunch break?

I don't know, erm... Maybe the same reason that I go, to get tea bag or a

of milk. In the middle of the working day...

Why don't you just come out and say it?

I mean, you've already made your mind up about it, haven't you?

What, he's a raving alcoholic? That's why he's bouncing off the walls, is it?

Just shows how much you know about alcoholics.

What the hell do you know about it? A lot more than you suspect.

Look, do you know what I suspect?

I suspect that you're actually jealous of Russell.

Because you know that he's going to be ten times the teacher that you are.

In the history of your cheap remarks, that's just about the cheapest.

The only thing I feel when I see a good teacher is relief.

And I think that Russell might just be one.

It's just... He lacks confidence.

Well, he had the confidence to wade into a domestic and get himself stabbed.

We need people who can stand back and assess situations. Who knows, a

personality might have saved himself from the assault.

Please forgive me, Miss Diggity, the corridors are a bit of a warrant.

Hey, it's Mr Stumpy.

Did I hear my nickname?

You.

You called me Stumpy, didn't you?

So, I've got a limp.

You want to make something of it?

No, sir.

Really?

Then why did you call it out?

I don't know. I don't know.

Maybe it's because you're a moron.

Yeah. Good. Well, that's clear to everyone now, isn't it?

What's your name?

Dante. Dante the Moron.

Um, if you can all turn to page 38 in your anthologies, please.

Would you like me to read it, Miss Diggity?

We'll make planned ideas.

Stealing.

The most unusual thing I ever stole.

A snowman.

Midnight.

He looked magnificent.

A tall, white mute beneath the winter moon.

Looking for Brett?

No.

Taking down some old notices.

Yeah, we've always got some abuse, haven't you?

And what's with your attitude, Missy?

Can't you see what you're doing to him?

Or do you just not care about anyone else?

Excuse me?

Maybe you can't see how screwed up he is over you.

Look, why don't you just stop playing games and be straight with him?

Hi.

What have you said?

Wait.

Well, you've really done it now, haven't you?

What's the one thing you missed of you?

To be discreet. I had to talk to someone.

Mika won't tell anyone else.

Wish you'd better not.

God, I must have been totally loopy picking up what you were doing.

A schoolboy, I mean.

Pathetic.

Well, this is me and you finished and I'd wrecked your... Look, hang on. I

thought you weren't a girlfriend. You've got one waiting up there.

Hey.

She's obviously breaking her heart for you.

I thought you handled Dante Kells really well.

How'd it go?

Yeah, I think Russell will make an excellent teacher.

Yeah? And when you're qualified, you might want to apply for my job. What?

You're leaving Waterloo Road?

I want a change of school.

I probably shouldn't say this in front of you, Russell, but Waterloo Road can

quite stressful.

I'll find that out today.

There'll be plenty more days like it. In fact, there'll be days when you're at

the depths of despair.

Yeah, but he's got what it takes, hasn't he?

I mean it.

You know you said you think Anthony's crazy.

I think you might be right.

You mean about him seeing me as a riot?

Yeah, but I don't, right, so it's all accounts.

I don't know, Kim.

I don't want to make an enemy out of the deputy head, do I?

I don't want him giving me a bad report for my first teaching practice.

Well, if he does, he's going to have me to answer to.

Anyway, what he's saying now is ridiculous.

What's he saying?

I shouldn't really say, but...

He said that he saw you coming out of the offy at lunchtime.

I mean, he's implying that you went in there and bought a couple of bottles of

whiskey or something. Please breathe into this bag, sir.

So he has got it in for me. Good, that's all I need.

So, did you go to the offy?

I went for a walk.

I was starving. I went down to get a Mars bar and a packet of cheese and

But maybe crisps and sweets aren't allowed in Mr. Treneman's book of do's

don'ts. Yeah, and that is one big, fat, thick book.

Anyway, look, I'll see you after the final whistle, yeah?

Oh, there.

How'd it go down the housing department?

Brilliant. They've found somewhere for Maxine.

Oh, well, that's great.

And it's been properly checked to full council standards, and she gets visits.

You do know that you don't have to go through the system on this, don't you?

If you're just happy with her to stay where she is, the social services will

call it a private fostering agreement.

They'll let you claim Section 17 money to help.

It's not about the money.

Well, I was just wondering.

So have you been down there to check it out?

No, I'm going after school, aren't I?

I know. What does Maxine think of the news?

She'll be thrilled.

What did you say?

Just coffee. Well, don't cough.

bit of alcohol.

Here's another one you should lock up. See you tomorrow for more of the same.

I want to talk to you.

Should I have taken your advice?

But it was just a moment of madness.

That's all.

I swear that it will never happen again.

No, it won't.

Because you can't come back here.

In fact, I don't think you should be near any children in any school.

Because you're out of control.

You're not going to say anything to anyone, are you?

No.

Because you're going to have to.

What you gonna do when you're just found forever?

Where you gonna get to when you can't get it together?

Forever and a day A fly gets caught upon a spider's web This

snake still has another skin to shed Forever

and a day

Is it all a dream or have you just found forever?

Get it all together, get like first of a feather.

Forever and a day.

Time to turf me out onto the street, then.

Well, you can get up off your backside and tidy up this flaming mess for a

start. I've been packing.

Well, you can go and unpack.

I've changed my mind.

Are you joking? Why?

I'm warning you, Maxine.

One more step out of line and there will be no more... even onion crisps.

And if I... put on as much as one extra ounce because of all of your junk food.

You're out of here sharpish. Now go on, hop it.

I invite her into my home.

She doesn't seem to care.

It's funny.

You seem to think that because you've asked her to live with you that she

then give you something back in return and I'm sorry, it just doesn't work like

that.

I might have known I was trying to do another lame infirmity.

Aye, aye.

Pint? Mineral water for me, please.

Vodka and tonic. Can you make it a double?

So, you think you've found your feet yet, Russell?

You looked a lot more confident towards the end of the day there. Yeah, alone I

couldn't have been any more flattering.

Actually, I think you lot create a bit of a fuss about how difficult the job

I mean, think about it. You get 13 weeks holiday a year, you don't work any bank

holidays and you're finished by four o 'clock.

And when you are at work, what do you do? You read novels, mark essays, set a

few questions.

Well, you'll just have to take my word for it, mate.

It's not everyone takes to a job like this.

Because you guys create such a mystery about it.

Hang on a minute. You're going to be one of us lot, Steve. No, I'm not, Kim.

It's not stimulating enough for me. I'm bored, frankly.

You are?

I could.

After one day?

No.

I wouldn't want to be taking a drink to get my eyes, would I?

Russell, hang on a minute.

Wait.

This is down to you, this, innit?

Maybe you should talk to Fraser Crossley before putting the blame on me.

I caught Russell beating him over the head with his briefcase, which just

happened to be filled with booze.

Did he tell you?

I don't get it. You were always so anti -violent.

Not with a drink in me, I'm not.

You see, all this time, I had no idea that you... I've been dry for almost a

year.

Since the, um... accident.

I'd been drinking that day a lot if I hadn't been there.

Well, put it this way, the kids wouldn't be calling me stumpy.

Today I realised the only way I can cope is vodka.

So, teacher or dry?

I know which one I prefer.

I think you're dead brave.

Yes, that was true.

Thank you.

I can't believe I didn't see the signs.

It just always seems so... together.

There's nothing wrong in giving a friend the benefit of the doubt.

Please don't be generous.

I can't stand it.

I should have just listened to you.

I'm sorry.

Well, I'd better be going.

Otherwise you're going to have to carry me.

I should be brushing up on my Jermaine Greer.

One thing you were right about.

I was... jealous of Russell.

Not for the reasons you said.

Because... of your feelings for him.

What on earth made you think that?

Just something Jack said.

Andrew, I couldn't ever have the serious feelings for Russell.

It's just... It'd get in the way of what?

Well... Please, can we start again?

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