Original subtitles

Previously on The Real Housewives of Vancouver...

The air smells so fresh. I'm not used to it.

- Fresh air? - Yeah.

You don't get out of the bedroom much, Christina?

She's so mean to her.

Jody looks at me just with blatant disapproval.

I want Vodka.

Happy birthday!

Hi!

She looked so beautiful, from a distance.

With the tiara on, she felt like she was queen of England.

Christina should have a few drinks before she opens my gift.

"Like a hooker only smarter."

Yeah. Not so impressed.

My God, it's like Christina, you should've left the dress on.

At this stage in my life,

I can afford to say it like it is, and look good doing it.

I live life in the fast lane, catch me if you can.

I traded being a singer for being a mom

but now I'm ready to step back into the spotlight.

Every queen needs an empire and I built mine from scratch.

Vancouver's a gold mine and I love to go digging.

Morning... morning... morning...

Go away.

Morning, Napoleon.

- Hello? - Uh...

Morning, Marika.

How are you?

I love that you just start laughing.

You had so much fun.

I had so much fun. I'm just remembering parts of it.

- I know. - And cringing.

What was on Jody's head? tiara?

That's cute, right?

But, hey, we're still on for coffee? - Yeah.

I love you. See you soon. I'll just get...

Just throw some clothes on.

- Okay. Bye. - Okay. Bye.

My sore head.

Mommy has a sore head.

Isn't she lovely?

If I'm not careful, I'm going to look my age

and that can't happen.

- Hi, Jody! - Hi!

My girlfriend Reiko. -Hi, Reiko, nice to meet you, Reiko.

Nice to meet you too.

I'm not a spa person, but Jody is and knowing Jody,

I'm not sure what to expect, so I'm a bit nervous.

If you come every three weeks, like seriously you'll look 12.

I want her to see that there's all sorts of technology out there

that gives us youthful, dewy skin. It's fantastic.

This is dermabrasion.

It's actually a very fine diamond dust.

Diamond dust.

It is quite expensive.

Are you diamond dusting your face, Jody?

I'm almost 50 and I go at least once a month,

this is how I stay young.

I'm gonna do my tuccus, my arms, my chest...

When Jody tells me that her secret to looking young is facials...

I feel like a mummy.

Better get started.

So what is this now, Rosalyn, what are we doing?

What's on your skin is live cells,

so it makes it look younger and shinier.

Wow. - It's made from whale sperm.

- Pardon? - Yeah.

When Jody throws out stuff like whale sperm...

I mean, I don't know whether to believe it or not.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

No, I'm not kidding about the whale sperm,

it's really whale sperm.

- No, no, no. - Yeah, yeah.

- It is, it is! - You'll recognize the texture.

Reiko's like, "Eww, eww."

I was like, "Oh, be quiet, you've had it on there before. And...

I will recognize the texture.

She's like, "What is it?".

I have live cells on my face.

You won't believe what it does. Seriously.

Well, this is my question, how is whale sperm obtained and why?

I don't care what she sticks on my face

as long as it makes me look youthful and it's painless.

What did you think of the party, Reiko?

Well... from what I gather, Christina was really out of hand. No?

From what I hear...

like tone it down a bit, you know? You don't have to be so sexual.

I think Ronnie's gift was hysterical.

"Like a hooker only smarter."

If the shoe fits, wear it. Like look where it got Cinderella.

I can't stand it.

When Christina arrived, she looked gorgeous.

- Yeah, wow. - I had to... Oh, my gosh,

like a model out of a magazine.

Totally.

But an hour later, she looked like a bag lady.

What the hell?

I was disgusted and I really want to ask Christina,

what the hell was she thinking that night?

I'm so glad you had a good time.

You might have to tell me how good of a time you actually had.

- You have a liquor license. - Oh, yeah.

Fantastic.

How do you feel about the whole night? I'm curious.

Oh, well... I don't know where to start.

When I saw Jody,

I was just looking at her stupid tiara.

She is kind of the queen of it all. The queen mother.

- Really? Since when? - Yeah.

And her nose is just so long with all those lies.

Of course I get drunk.

And then I told Jody she was everything I aspire to be.

- Really? - She's my hero.

Oh, my God.

- I didn't mean it. - No, you don't...

God, no. -Obviously, you don't mean it now.

- Just entertaining myself. - You don't mean it now,

that's for sure.

I think I said,

"You're the epitome of what a wife and mother should be."

Just take a look at Mia!

Well... Oh, my gosh.

- She is her mother's daughter. - Yeah.

- They're a team. - Aren't they?

- Well, so are we. So... - Okay. Thank you. Okay.

I'm going to Grace, my studio and meet with my business partner

about a line of scarves that we're launching.

No one should live and die

without wearing a great scarf. That's our motto.

Let's not do all of our colors. What if we just do black for them?

That's kind of a nice idea.

We've been friends for years.

She helped me in my first music video.

We always thought that we should do something together

and then about a year and a half ago, we just went in on this line

and then we became partners.

- Ah, very nice. - Isn't that nice?

We're just finishing up everything, we're trying to make sure

that everything is working the way we want it.

By fall, we want this in all of our favorite stores.

All of the stores that we would shop at.

Fred Seagle and Ron Herman and Maxfield.

We don't want to punk around with any kind of--

Oh!

Oh, my gosh.

Ronnie's coming over.

What did she say though? I need to know.

All right. Hold on. I'm going to check. She said...

"I am... I'm in a great mood

- and massively buzzed." - Oh, yay.

I could easily drink two bottles.

Two glasses? That's great, I'm just getting started.

I knew it was gonna be interesting when she had a few cocktails

and she walked into our space.

It's not gonna be pretty.

Coming up on The Real Housewives...

The Nightmare Before Christmas.

Take it off.

This is just... wrong.

My God!

Ronnie's one of my best friends for sure.

I really wanted her to look at the scarves

and really try some scarves on and see...

We really put a lot of work into the scarves.

You do this and then go like this to your customers.

But she's massively buzzed.

- Do you got wine? - You got wine!

- I couldn't say no. - Cheers, honey.

Ronnie is Ronnie. She doesn't listen to me.

Ariba!

I'll have a chardonnay or two...

Sweetheart, you're riding the sheep.

maybe 3.

What else am I supposed to ride?

Know your limit, stay within it.

So...

Okay, let's go look at the scarves. Come on.

Wendy's trying to get her onto the scarf subject and...

Woo-hoo!

I like small boobs.

I think that too big is just a little cheapish.

Mine are normal.

Not like over the top or anything. Right?

- Let's show our dear-- - Do you want to see them, honey?

- Ronnie, our scarves. Come on. - Scarves?

- Yeah. - Oh, yeah. Come see our scarves.

So this is the other space that we have.

Oh, my God!

Ronnie's looking seriously inebriated at this point.

I'm gonna set you up with a hit-young...

A hit girl that's young...

It was really difficult to get her to focus on the scarves.

Long and short of it is Mary is now going for women.

- Okay. - Oh, shut up.

Oh, lord, I don't know what she's talking about.

- Okay. - We need subtitles.

'Cause I'm totally confused.

Put this down, I'm going to put this on you.

Okay, you hold it.

Stop, this is enough. It's starting to really irritate me.

- She's not into it. - That looks so pretty on you.

I love it.

I'm not a scarf person. I don't wear scarves.

Just wrap it around your shoulders and then do this.

Watch, look at that.

It is really beautiful.

Honey, it's beautiful. Think of yourself.

No, it's so beautiful. It's truly is the most beautiful thing.

- Honey, do you like it? - Yeah. I love it. I love it.

She was being insincere.

I wanted her to be a little bit more supportive.

I'm, like, totally loving it. I'm loving it.

I don't wear scarves.

It was kind of, like, just get this off of me.

That's cool, look how gorgeous that looks.

Wendy was a little disappointed.

Mary, I'm heading out. I gotta go.

- Yeah, I gotta go buy a puppy. - Where's the wine?

I was hurt because I feel that good friends

should be supportive of each other.

What?

Now I get to dress you up. Come on, try it on.

Just take it off.

- Go on... - Oh, my God.

This is just wrong.

Nothing is funny about this to me.

Can I sit down for a second?

It's just not the way I want to have my friendships to be.

- I need another glass of wine. - Uh...

Oh, my God.

I'm hurt. I'm very hurt actually.

My clothing store and my catering company

are in the same building...

What's going on?

And Jody's Fine Foods needed some remodeling.

Oh, my God.

So today I'm starting renovations.

I had no idea how stressful it was.

Mr. Moe? How much timing you need for electrical work.

A year.

I've hired these two fabulous contractors

called Moe and Moe.

It's easy for me to remember. Moe, Moe, Moe.

Gonna take all this out right now

and I need you to stay a little bit back.

Sure. -Don't want anything fly and hit you.

We have to make sure that, you know, no dust leaks,

there's no noise for the clients et cetera,

'cause we have the dress shop in the front.

First, we have the high heels coming, the summer ones.

Oh, God.

My retail shop!

I'm gonna be bankrupt!

- Can't you do this quietly, Moe? - Yeah, I can do it quietly for you.

- The winter stuff coming also. - The chains?

The chain and the crochet and the boots with all the...

This is the last pair.

This is not healthy.

Holy...

That's mold, isn't it?

That's a concern.

- So did you want these boots? - I love them.

Whoa!

I'll be borrowing them because we're the same foot size.

Whoa!

Take me out back and shoot me.

I would like the whole thing

to be finished in two and a half weeks.

They'll have it finished.

I'm so looking forward to seeing Christina.

Hi, Mary!

- Hi, honey! - Hi!

I really like Christina.

You look gorgeous! Where are you going?

I'm in love with Mary, I just want to embrace her.

I hate men so I'm thinking of becoming a lesbian.

I've heard lots of different things about Christina,

that she is quite the promiscuous one

and that she has had problems with Jody's daughter Mia.

- It's so nice to see you! - So nice to see you, sweetie.

I don't know what's true and what's not true,

all I want to do is give her the benefit of the doubt

and treat her at face value.

Okay, so... How did you like the birthday party?

- The night is kind of a blur... - Is it?

to be honest.

I danced around in a T-shirt, the hooker T-shirt in my underwear.

Ronnie's gift just did not sit right with me.

I was mortified.

Ronnie texted me she said

that I didn't have her back, that I let her drink.

- Oh, my God! - Okay!

And that I offered her a drink at Grace

when she came by to see the studio but she had already texted me

before she got to Grace saying that she was already wasted.

She was drinking at my studio, so, boom, it's my fault.

So she called me, texted me and said, "You know, the thing is that

you're supposed to be watching my back,"

and I said, "Ronnie, but you can't blame this on me,

- I do try to watch your back... - No...

Then she said for me to go "F" myself.

- What? What? - This is what she wrote to me?

In a text? She wrote it?

Why are people so stupid

that they write things in texts? -I know.

Like there's no denying something written.

And I was really hurt 'cause she's done this before.

I know you guys didn't speak for a couple years.

Yes. - For something similar.

- Kinda, yeah. - Yeah.

- And... - That's not fair to you.

That disappoints me.

Yeah, so this time it's not gonna...

Unfortunately, it's gonna take a lot for this to heal.

Coming up on The Real Housewives of Vancouver ...

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God!

Here's Christina's birthday party pictures.

- Okay come here. - Is that?

Is that her in her underwear?

She's like half naked.

"Like a hooker only smarter."

With the ass out.

I just brought the T-shirt as a joke and she obviously liked it.

I'm glad it wasn't you, Mom. That's disturbing.

Does she know about these pictures? -Yeah, I was the one taking them.

Okay, so I'm gonna send these onto--

What do you think Christina will think?

- She won't care. - She won't care

that you're passing them around?

If somebody were worried

that these photos were going to circulate,

they wouldn't have danced around in front of the camera

- while I was taking pictures. - That's true.

No, it's all in good fun.

So is it working out with my hair?

Yeah. It's gonna be really classic looking.

- I like that look. - Cascading curls.

Let's see another email.

Ronnie.

Oh, my God!

I'm sorry you have to witness that.

Oh, my God, Christina.

I was mortified. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Is she the only one without her pants on?

Yes! I think so.

Christina, no!

Mia! Oh, my gosh.

Oh, my God!

Where's her pants?

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God. I heard Christina's behavior was bad

but this is even worse than I had heard.

Gosh, when is Christina gonna grow up?

This is her 30th birthday party.

Something's got to be done.

Oh, my God.

Let's blow that up and put it in the window.

"Coming for Spring."

Where's my kiss? Where's my morning kiss?

Family comes first in this family.

With me and my girls, there's just like tons of affection

and I just want to hug and kiss all the time and I just love it.

Good morning!

She said good morning, grandma.

Growing up, it was a little different.

My mom, she has a very Japanese way to her, just not as affectionate.

Ashanti, start eating breakfast, please.

She lives with us and now we get along amazingly.

She's crying, just leave her alone.

My husband's usually in the office and I think it's great

that he usually does work out of the house

because sometimes he'll come out and join us...

- Grandma! - Pardon me, I'm still eating.

It just depends on what the market's doing that day.

Grandma!

Yeah, on with the day.

Okay.

I train five days a week.

One day with my weight trainer and four days with martial arts.

I can't spin around today.

Oh, wow! You just said, "I can't."

Robert is really strict.

- Deck. - No, no.

Hit the deck, it's 10 push ups, you can't say "I can't" in here.

10?

He is a 5th degree black belt in Hakido Tae Kwon Do

and he's an amazing mixed martial artist.

Go.

Good. Knees up!

Okay, hold plank. One, two, three, four, five.

Wearing the wrong bra today.

Six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

Rock form. One, two...

Offensive stance.

I do naturally have a temper.

It's probably the Scottish in me.

Good. Time, moving onto round 2.

Reiko is a full-on competitor.

Put your hands like that, all right?

Reaching for an elite athlete level.

I could see you in a competition.

Not only could I see you in a competition,

I could see you winning one.

Ready, jabs! One.

I never thought in my life

I would actually be training for a competition...

but it seems to be kind of going that way.

Again.

Okay. If you want to do a tournament, you can't run out of gas

in the second round? Come on, try again.

There obviously is a risk of injury.

- Kick! One more. - I think I broke a nail.

There goes my pedicure.

One more, come on!

That was a great workout, Reiko.

- Thank you. Thank you. - You worked really hard.

Do you have a good dental plan?

- Oh, my God. - Just kidding.

They cost me a fortune.

I will get into the ring and spar and I will kick ass

but before I do, I want to talk to my doctor about Botox.

- Good morning. Hello there. - Hi, how are you?

Excellent, I'm great, thanks. How's it going?

Um, well, I train with mixed martial arts and I guess I should ask

if it will affect anything...

Well, yes, if you get punched in the face,

it's gonna bruise your face and swell it

and make the Botox look funny.

No, there's no risk,

it shouldn't change anything to do with martial arts, or fighting

- or type of activity. - Okay.

Let's have a look at you, lift up your eyebrows.

Make sure that you are well aligned, you look natural.

I didn't want to lose all expression in my face.

I didn't want to look fake.

Lift your eyebrows again.

Excellent. Excellent.

So you can see there's nice relaxation there.

Your eyebrows look natural.

I think so too, I mean, I don't want to look unnatural

and I like my frown.

Good. Frown again.

I still have my frown.

Good. Frown again.

You need your frown, you like your frown.

It's good to have the stern mommy face

in my back pocket when I need to pull it out.

- I need to look mad to my kids. - You need to look stern, exactly.

So this is my stern mommy face.

Mia's back from London,

she's been studying at the Cordon Bleu,

I'm really looking forward to working with her this summer.

I'm starving.

So hungry I need a drink desperately.

We work really, really well together.

- Thank you so much. - Thank you.

I find it very hard working for my mom.

She's used to dealing with people and getting what she wants.

I need a beverage.

With all the renovations going on,

I'm really depending on Mia to help me.

I really want a drink...

'cause I got some bad news for you.

- Oh, really? - I think I have to go to London.

Pardon me?

So I'm gonna have to leave for one night to go to London

to fix my apartment 'cause something's not working out

and then come back.

Why can't you get one of your girlfriends?

They all went traveling. My other girlfriends

are in the south of France, everyone's away.

But then I was thinking if I go over there for one night,

I can stop in Ibiza also for one night.

Like we're under a full renovation and you're going to do what?

I almost had a seizure at the table.

It's really inconvenient for me.

- I know but-- - Look at me, I'm a wreck.

I have no voice,

I can't do all of this by myself and you're planning to go to London?

I know. I understand what you're saying but I have to go.

We have so much that we're dealing with right now,

it's overwhelming.

You're making me cry just the thought of it.

You're making me cry at the thought of it.

We're so stressed.

She's supposed to be my sidekick in this project

and she's decided for one split of a second

that she's going to London... not.

Coming up on The Real Housewives ...

When was the last time you saw Mary?

She kind of attacked me and I said, "You're absolutely pathetic,

do you wonder why you are 48 and still single?

We have a tennis court and a private gym.

I hate gyms. I've never been a gym person.

Ronnie!

So we are so lucky to have Stanley.

- Morning. - Hey, Stan!

Stanley, Stanley! I call him "Stanley Manley."

- Hey, Manley. Morning, honey. - Very good.

Stanley was the guard for the queen of England.

Okay.

He's agile, he's quick, he's amazing.

- Okay, I'm all yours. - Yeah, looking good.

The only problem is that when Stanley leaves, I can barely move.

Don't want to burn out.

The last work out I had with Stanley, it was...

Actually had to call my doctor

and get on a heavy-duty muscle relaxant.

I was just like, "Ah, my body!"

Easy, easy.

Good. Good. Get some water.

Yeah, keep your arms up.

Steady. Last two.

When you're punching and you're punching full on...

One, two, three, four.

...you can only go for so long.

- Rest. - Okay.

- Get some water. - Okay.

How the hell do they do ten rounds?

You got to be really fit like you.

I'm ready.

I've sweat, I've really had a great workout

and then I go on with the rest of my day and I just feel like great.

Beautiful, thanks a lot. Yeah, brilliant!

- Good work! - It was awesome! Thanks!

I'm really tired.

So we have a new shipment that came in today

- of new jewelry from London. - Oh, you're kidding? That excites me.

Yes! I waited for you to open it,

which was very nice of me 'cause I never normally do that.

Nice.

- Oh, my God! - But it's super exciting.

Mia's booked a ticket to London

and she says she's gonna go party in Ibiza.

Jody said absolutely not but I am an adult, it is my life.

You understand why I was frustrated, right?

I understand but I think you just need to realize I'm an adult.

I'm your mom and we work together as a team.

I cancelled your ticket.

That's not fair!

- I cancelled it on her. - I was not pleased.

You know it wasn't so difficult.

I just picked up the phone,

I called the airline, I pretended to be her--

If I didn't cancel the ticket, you would have left!

Let's be frank about it, Mia.

Jody, I'm an adult.

Do I want to kill her sometimes?

Yes, definitely.

I need you. For the first time in my life, I really need you.

For you to just call up and cancel my ticket

and pretend to be me, very clever pretending to be me--

- Obviously. - Very clever.

I taught her that trick.

"Hi, it's Jody Claman calling,

of course, I would like to extend my credit card limit."

I taught her well.

You can be so cute and so sweet but you're such a pain in the ass.

That's how I feel about you there, sweet cheeks.

That's not nice.

I get so upset because I get frustrated.

I understand that and I understand you have a lot on your plate,

I just need you realize I'm an adult.

So you have to behave like one.

Okay. I need you to say you're sorry

'cause that's your fault.

Ha! Hell will freeze over first.

Jody always thinks I should apologize.

There should always be an apology in Jody's eyes.

- What are you doing? - I'm sending you an apology.

"I am sorry mother."

There you go. I don't mean it so I'll text it. It's way better.

That's terrible.

Well, I'm not sorry.

I didn't do anything wrong, but there's a message that says I am.

Text messaging is the best way, you write it, you type it,

you might not mean it, you could mean it,

but that's for the person to guess.

Okay, just say sorry.

- I just texted you. - No. Tell me to my face.

I'm sorry.

Come on, Mia, say it nicely.

- Okay, I forgive you, darling. - And now your turn, back to me.

- No! - Oh. you're so!

You're so annoying. I knew you were gonna do that.

Next time, you're going first. Ugh!

I need another glass of wine.

- So fun! - So fun!

Go faster!

I'm excited about Ronnie's property, it's supposed to be beautiful.

Greetings.

How are you, darling?

- Good. - Hi, sweetie!

Look at you.

- You guys thank you for coming! - Thanks for inviting us.

Oh, thank you.

I invited Reiko and Jody over

to see my house before it turns into a massive construction site.

We're so excited because the project's just started.

- Wow! - Yeah.

We have homes side by side on the water,

we're tearing three down and building one big home.

It'll be pretty nice.

So this house right here and this house are coming down.

They're gonna tear down this and tear down that and rebuild this,

I mean, I think it's every woman's dream.

So this house, 11, 12 and 13 will be the main one.

11, 12 and 13.

400 feet of waterfront,

I think possibly the biggest waterfront in Vancouver.

Unreal.

Okay, so this is Russell's man-cave.

My husband Russell is out of town on business,

so that's the perfect time to sneak over to the man-cave.

It's the only thing we're not demolishing.

I named it the man-cave

because I think all men should have one.

- Wow. - We're building a climbing wall.

- So... - Yeah. Looks exciting.

Wow -So I did a photo shoot for Russell

because a bunch of men suggested

they should have scantily clad women on the walls

and Russell said, "Well, do my wife"

and I thought, "Hey, let's make hay while the sun's still shining,

while I still can do it. Absolutely!"

This is Russell's space

and he's building a Cobra right now so he's just...

and they're doing some French doors,

actually this will be a garage to get the cars in and out,

you'll drive your car in and we'll have a turntable

- that turns your car... - Oh, my God!

So you don't have... You just drive on, turns your car,

- you drive out... - My dream garage.

Oh, yeah!

I was thinking I could use myself a little man cave and build a car.

I know you're into cars.

I think Reiko was in awe of how beautiful the house was

and how extensive the project was.

This is our Dojo.

- Reiko, you would love this. - I love it already.

Oh, for sakes. A dojo...

Those are tiny. What are those, 8 ounce gloves?

These are mine. What do you wear?

- 12 ounce. - Oh, sorry.

Oh, my God, that's such a cool spot.

I want a man-cave of my own.

So now you've seen it all

and I'll show you sort of just on the plans there.

- Oh, my God. - So...

The house I think in total will be over 15,000 square feet.

- Wow. - It'd be really, really nice.

I mean, we're a family of five though,

even though the three older ones... One's in boarding school

and two don't live here, still you know what?

Everybody comes home

and this is home and this is us. -It's so special.

I love Ronnie's idea

of building a 15,000 square foot super mansion

and I saw the plans for her shoe closet,

I mean, this girl, she's got it going on.

It's like The Taj Mahal but it's the Ronnie Mahal.

We'll have to have Mary or Christina's wedding here...

Whoever gets married first!

Christina and Mary's wedding, I want to see that.

I'll cater it, it'll only be four people if it's Christina's

and if it's Mary's, I don't know what will happen.

What did you think of those pictures I sent of Christina

dancing at her birthday?

I loathe that behavior.

Oh, my gosh, what made you send those out?

I thought that we should see her real side.

That's a side of Christina I wish I had never seen.

I'm very disappointed, I have to discuss it with her

because I'm really up front and I don't like that behavior.

Coming up on The Real Housewives of Vancouver ...

What she did was bizarre.

It was bizarre behavior.

It's shocking.

I'm still a little hung over from my birthday

and the best cure for a hangover?

I'm going out to the country with my best friend Kevin

to do a little horse shopping.

She's told me that she wants to buy a horse

and I thought, "You know what?

It's the only way to get out there onto the ranch

is the 2011 White Ghost."

one of the most beautiful cars in the world.

Well, darling, we're here.

Oh, my goodness!

Nice to be back out in horse country.

I love everything about horses.

It's been ages, it's been three years.

The peacefulness, the calmness, the smell.

The smell is like horseshit.

I think we should celebrate this riding something four legged

as opposed to two and...

- Oh, I love that sound. - So tell me about this horse.

I'm so excited to see him and I'm so excited to meet him,

his name is Merlin and I love the name.

Thank you.

And I'm hoping he's the one.

- Cheers, darling. - Cheers.

Come and meet, Christina.

Wow.

He's lovely.

- Hi, Christina. - Beautiful horse.

He's as beautiful as you, Napoleon. -This is Merlin.

- Oh, my goodness, hello! - Merlin, meet Christina.

What a beautiful horse.

Merlin is so handsome. He is love at first sight.

Hi, Merlin.

I sweet talk everyone, darling.

And he kind of matches Napoleon.

So I like that as well.

Please like me. Please. Please.

For a minute I got jealous and then I thought, "You know what?

If you're gonna buy him, it's best you kiss him."

He kissed me back. It's the best kiss I've had all year.

He really likes my Hermes bracelet. Great.

You have good taste. You and I are going to get along just fine.

And how much is he?

He's currently priced at 35.

Okay.

$35,000 on a horse is money very well spent,

especially when it's not my money.

It's exciting. It's nice.

I don't know who's buying this horse.

I guess I'll have to get myself a new boyfriend.

This is exciting! I'm excited for you.

I've ridden horses my entire life

and it's been a few years, I really miss it.

I used to skip school and go to the stables

and just ride horses all day and then I found boys.

- How's that feel? - Good.

Be nice to me, I'll buy you and stuff you with carrots.

Tally ho!

Looks like a nice size for you.

Just trot around, feel comfortable.

Nice work, honey, nice work. Nice work.

I've always connected with horses. I find them so soothing and peaceful.

Honey, you look great on him.

Come on, big jump, big jump, big jump!

All right!

Nice riding, beautiful riding. Nice!

You've done that before.

- She can ride! - Yeah!

- Very good! - Excellent!

That was fun, you're really good.

- I'm in love! - Yeah.

He has a wonderful personality and a lot of it.

- I really like him. - Yeah, he's beautiful.

Like, I really like him!

He's just... I think he'll entertain me.

- To Merlin. - Here's to Merlin.

Hopefully the new member of our family.

I'm giving sugar to my new daddy.

Little role reversal. Not like I'm not used to that.

I really, really like Ronnie. I have a lot of time for her.

She's a riot. She's sort of like me.

She says what she wants, she doesn't really care.

Ah, so we annihilate a few people, we pick you back up,

we smile, we shake your hand, we dust you off

and you'll be good to do.

So good to see you. -Good to see you too, cheers, honey.

Yeah, thank you.

So when was the last time you saw Mary?

Um, she kind of attacked me... She attacked me. She kind of went...

- When? - Via text.

She said, "Hey, you need to take responsibility"

and I said, "If I order myself a glass of wine or two, no problem.

But don't you be pushing it on me."

Grace studios, she had two bottles of Chardonnay.

I said, "Of course, I'm gonna drink the wine. I like wine."

Then it was almost like a bunch of pent up anger

that maybe she's had towards me or jealousy over all the years,

just kind of... just...

It was a little disturbing and I said something

- I probably shouldn't have said. - What did you say?

I said, "You're absolutely pathetic"

and I said, "Do you wonder why you are 48 and still single?"

I look at their relationship like my ex-husband.

Mary's a bad wife and Ronnie should get rid of her.

Get a divorce.

But I'm more concerned about Christina right at the moment.

What she did was bizarre.

It was bizarre behavior.

I thought her hair was darling and I thought her dress was darling

but I just wish she would have kept it on.

Let me tell you, she looks better with clothes on then off.

I do.

I was like, "Is this real life?"

This woman is in a pair of underwear with high heels and a T-shirt.

- Did you make her wear it? - No, God, no.

Did you make her strip down to nothing and put it on?

No. It was supposed to be funny, it was a gag gift come on.

- I'm sure she'll give me - Excuse me.

- something hilarious. - Let's be frank. Let's be frank.

On my 40th birthday, somebody brought me a vibrator,

like hello? I chucked it in the garbage,

but you know you think I get down nude and start using it?

I mean, it's shocking.

People bring hilarious gifts. Penis putters,

you don't take like the golf club

and, like, Scotland and use the penis putter,

it was a joke for your 50th birthday, sweet cheeks.

I don't know. It worries me.

But I think we should try and help her. I don't know.

Like... -You almost feel like you want to.

You almost feel like you want

- As a woman, you have to. - to take somebody like Christina

under your wing, but it would be a lot of work.

I don't know if I have the time to take Christina under my wing.

I'm a mother with five children

but you almost wish that somebody would.

Coming up on The Real Housewives...

Be responsible for your actions, Christina.

Don't think I'm your enemy 'cause I'm not.

Really? It certainly seems like you are.

I'm wearing slippers today because I was very busy this morning

working from bed.

Prada slippers.

It's a good look.

I'm going to meet Christina today

because somebody has to tell Christina,

it's time to grow up.

- Christina! - Hi!

How are you? You look so pretty. -So do you. All summery.

I don't look pretty at all,

I was just in my bedroom doing meetings,

so I come out in my slippers, I'm sorry.

I'm really nervous about my meeting Jody.

She's... very intimidating.

- How are you feeling? - Any day is a good day.

Yeah, yeah, you woke up alive and what a birthday!

- Quite! - Is that how you planned it?

God, no.

Let's be really clear here, you know,

I'm straight forward, and your behavior...

Thank God I left then.

Have you seen the pictures that are traveling the internet?

You stripped.

It's pathetic.

So you came to chastise me about my birthday?

Look at your daughter.

My daughter?

Don't ever bring my daughter up. I will sue your ass.

- Really? - Yeah. It'll be on fire.

You mention my daughter... You mention my daughter, Christina,

one more time and you'll be served.

My daughter is 24, she's not a misbehaved child,

she's not married...

She's never been married and she will do as she pleases.

Don't bring up my daughter. Off grounds.

So she's never been married that means she's a virgin?

Yes, I was married at 25, twice, but Mia's pretty skanky.

She likes to party.

I came to meet you to talk about your birthday, not my daughter.

- Kids are out of bounds. - My inappropriate behavior.

Christina. You want to see what's on the internet?

Let me show you what's being downloaded.

Drop it. -Let's look here first. You think...

God, you bore the out of me.

- You think that's pretty? - Whatever!

You think that's pretty? You think that's nice?

Shot after shot after shot.

- Whatever. - 20 photos.

- What do you mean whatever? - It's done. It's done. It's done.

Do I regret it? Sure! Do I regret lots of things in my life? Sure.

Be responsible for your actions, Christina.

Don't think I'm your enemy 'cause I'm not.

Really? It certainly seems like you are.

- No. - You are so disapproving

- of everything and everyone - Let me tell you something...

and you lord over everyone, you think you're some queen,

you wear a goddamn tiara, okay?

I wear a tiara 'cause I want to wear a tiara

'cause it's fashion forward and it's by Butler and Wilson.

What are you talking about?

Come on, Christina, why are you crying?

You're crying because of your behavior,

not because of my actions. I did nothing wrong, I left at 11:00.

I'm crying because I'm sick of having to make excuses for myself.

Well, then don't. But you know what? Don't strip in public.

- Not cool. - Don't tell me what to do.

Who do you think... Who do you think sent these pictures?

Don't tell me what to do. -Who do you think sent the pictures?

Probably you.

I wasn't there, sweet cheeks, what are you, stupid?

Concentrate on what you're saying.

- Shut up. - No.

You know what? I can't do this, I don't want to do it.

So is there anything else you'd like to say to me?

Absolutely not.

Okay. Thank you.

Very, very much.

I hate your slippers by the way.

She hates my f-ing slippers?

That's all you hate? I hate a few more things.

I'm crying and I hate that she can make me feel like that.

I hate that she can make me feel so small.

Next time on The Real Housewives of Vancouver...

Make a big wish!

We've invited the neighbors,

my friends, Mia's friends, our friends,

Mary's not invited and Christina's not invited either.

When you're not invited to one party, you make another party.

It's not a pity party, it's an instead of party.

Here's to a better party.

You come in and you pretend like nothing has happened.

Jody is sizing up Christina for round two...

- We don't get along. - I agree on that.

There is definite tension. It's uncomfortable.

And here we go!