Original subtitles

WHITE NOISE

Well, what is it?

Did you hear me?

Dominique.

Dominique...

WHITE NOISE FADES

What is it?

Erm...

..I saw something suspicious on the Tube.

Mm-hm.

It was a Pog.

I mean, a bag.

It was a pag, a pannier bag.

I call them pags

because I am young and we like to mix...

..two different words and bring them together.

Case in point, Brangelina. God rest them.

So, anyway, what was a pannier bag - or pag if you will -

doing not on a bike but on the Tube, Director?

Well, someone took their bike on the Tube.

Yes.

Yes. Yes! Someone took their bike...

Of course! That is why you're in the big chair.

"See it, say it, sorted."

I saw it, I said it, you sorted it.

OK, I'm going to go.

Did you do something different with your hair? Cos it's fire!

OK, I know the way out. Bye!

You're where I need you to be.

Been doing a fair bit of work with the IRA recently.

They said he was from a local residents' association.

Fisher's file.

And this is her address - 32 Ivydale Grove.

Ivydale Grove...

The nation saved, is it?

Ivydale Carnival...

IRA...

Ivydale Residents' Association...

No-one is more fond of the Carnival than we are.

I mean, our concern here is for public safety -

us and the festivalgoers.

For everyone's safety,

we're suggesting that the Carnival be moved to a more suitable

location - Hyde Park or...

..Coventry.

- Mm. - Mm-hm.

IRA.

Ivydale Residents' Association.

Bastards!

UPBEAT MUSIC

The IRA is the Ivydale Residents' Association.

What?!

The Ivydale Residents' Association.

And Fisher's in it!

They've been trying to get Carnival shut down or moved for years.

The radio scrambling isn't a cover for a terror attack.

- I think it IS the terror attack. - What?! What?!

I think they're trying to cause a crush to prove their case!

And you're sure Fisher's in on this?

Yeah.

I was set up. I was the patsy - handing over security plans

so her hands are clean!

So, what shall we do?

Shall we warn people?

Positions, please, people!

No, no, no, no.

It could cause a panic. We'd be doing their jobs for them.

Ooh! Ooh! The tracker you put in Steve's car!

Yes!

Actually, I've been meaning to ask, how do I track a car?

I-I-I just put it under there, hoping for the best.

Go see Dave in the gadget stores and he'll give you a receiver.

OK. I'll call you when I find Steve.

Be safe, yeah?

- Yep. - And also, try and act normal.

Yes, yes. All right, sister, yeah.

Yeah...

Let's go play some pan.

We need to abort.

What? What are you talking about?

I think someone's onto us - my fall guy.

Based on what?

Based on...

..a feeling.

Last-minute nerves, Joanna.

You were the same when we installed the rising bollards.

No, listen...

Besides, such a decision requires a meeting.

Quorum.

Then we need an emergency meeting.

Which requires 24 hours' notice.

We have articles of association...

BEEPING

- The cherries are steeped in our own liqueur. - Oh, lovely.

Who was on the phone?

No-one. The cat-sitter.

Would it be crass to have a glass of bubbly?

Oh, lovely. Shall I turn on the TV?

Good God. You're not suggesting we watch?!

I'm beginning to wonder if we're doing the right thing.

Come on, Cynthia,

we've been over and over this - we've had vote after vote.

The current situation is untenable, we know that.

Sooner or later, there's going to be a serious incident.

The AI modelling that Zach kindly prepared for us showed as much.

We've tried everything we can to make the council listen

and they simply won't.

If anything, this is on them.

We've suggested every viable alternative location,

like Stratford.

Oh, no! My sister lives there.

Again, not that Stratford, Cynthia.

We saw an all-black production of Hamlet at the RSC.

Do you know, it was absolutely marvellous.

Yes, of course, regrettably, there will be some...

..casualties...

..but at least this way, we have some control over the numbers.

"If it were done when 'tis done,

"then 'twere well, it be done quickly."

Thank you, Murray.

Also, it's knocking a million off my house price.

It's economic vandalism!

When exactly will...

..it happen?

As soon as the parade comes to a close...

..and the crowds start moving...

..then our chap will... jam the radios.

Chin, chin.

- Cheers. - Bottoms up.

PHONE VIBRATES

Yeah, what do you want?

OK, I might have a way to get your record wiped.

It's a long shot, OK? It's a very long shot,

but it's the best shot you're going to have,

and I need you to work with me on something.

Work with you? On what?

I'm going to need to sell that you were my informant.

Snitch? Nah, bun that.

OK, look, Tevin, if you are really serious about going straight,

if you really want to be in your daughter's life,

these are the kind of decisions you're going to have to make, right?

You're going to have to not be so cool in front of your boys.

And, yes, maybe they might try and kill you every once in a while...

BUZZING

Hey, it's Dom.

I forgot the password. Can you let me in?

..but I need you to work with me on this, OK?

Are you in or are you out?

What do you need me to do?

OK.

I should just give you two your own set of keys.

Oh, shit!

Oh, my God. Dad. OK...

LINE RINGS

Come on, pick up.

Dad, pick up!

You've reached the voicemail of...

..Dr Morris Archibald.

Please leave a message.

BEEP

Hey, Dad, it's me. I don't know if you're at Carnival yet,

but if you aren't, don't go.

And if you are, leave now.

Something's going to go down.

And I don't mean to Funkytown, Dad. This isn't a joke, OK?

Just...call me when you get this. HORN HONKS

What the fuck, man?

- For Dom, yeah? - Yes, boss.

So, how are you liking the bank holiday vibes? Fantastic weather.

Yeah, it's great.

Erm...I-I need to change the destination, mate.

Sorry, boss.

You'll have to do it on the app.

Yeah, I can't do it in the app because my destination is...

..it's moving.

Are you following someone?

Yes.

Like in a film?

I guess...

You'd be surprised how much this happens.

Strap in.

ENGINE REVS, TYRES SCREECH

Yeah, go, go, go, go, go!

Hang a right here.

TYRES SCREECH

Go round him!

Move out the bloody way!

HORN HONKS

OK, here, here, here, here, here, here, here!

Stop, stop, stop!

Thank you! Five stars, mate!

Damn right, five stars.

Freeze!

Whoa!

Ah... I-If you want a 99, you've got to queue like everybody else.

Hold that, mate.

Shit, shit, shit!

Thank you!

Sorry! Have fun!

Let me get a banana lolly.

Sprinkles as well, yeah?

On a lolly?!

That's how I like my stuff.

Hi, Dom, thanks for calling!

Steve's onto us! He put the tracker on an ice cream van!

What?! Where are you?!

Three o'clock.

No, that's nine o'clock.

And that's 12.

Now you're just looking in the sky.

I'm more comfortable with military time, Dom!

Get on your bloody right, Kay!

Yes!

Sorry. Just coming...

You get off...and I'll come round!

Yes! Yeah! Yes!

Excuse me. Sorry.

Oh, my God. Officer, I know this is going to sound a bit weird,

but I need you to believe me on this, right?

There is going to be a crush.

A really big one.

Yeah, I think so.

What?

No, I meant...

Hello, everybody! Are you enjoying yourselves safely?

CHEERING

Good! Good!

Oh, Dom! Dom, Dom, Dom.

I got here as quick as I could.

OK, so here's where we're at, right?

We're pretty sure that Steve is going to trigger a fatal crush

and we have no idea where he is.

He could set this thing off any minute.

- Hang on. - What?

- Dave said you need a transmitter to scramble the radios. - Mm.

If you're going to block a signal, you need an aerial...

..probably a really big one...

..placed somewhere like that!

Oh, my God, Kay. Yes!

Which flat is that?

Er, sixth floor.

Er, one, two, third across.

Kay, you're a fricking genius!

- Come on. - No, Dom, Dom, Dom, Dom!

What if it's someone that really doesn't want to pay for their Sky?

Well, what else have we got?

Gilbert Road, come in.

This is Gilbert Road.

How's it looking down there?

We're about 60% capacity.

Copy that. Over.

Yeah, come on. Wind your bumps somewhere else, man!

Can you move? It's really important! National Security!

I said, move out of the way!

- We're so sorry. - What are you talking about?! - No, no, no, no...

- I'm trying to save your life! - We're so sorry, guys! Enjoy Carnival!

RADIO CHATTER

DIALS PHONE

LINE RINGS

Conditions are optimal to go.

In that case, with the authority invested in me as chairman,

I therefore...

..with due solemnity...

..authorise engagement.

May God have mercy on our souls.

BUZZING

DOGS BARK

BUZZING

- BANGING - Hello?! Are you deaf or what?!

Open the door!

What?

Is this your car, mate? Black Golf, 17 plate?

Why?

You might want to come down here - council are towing it.

All right, Steve?

So good to see you.

Looking good.

Inside.

You know, you kind of ruined my life, Steve.

Sorry, Dom.

You look lovely by the way.

Thank you, I... I glisten when I sweat.

Lift was out of order.

We haven't met, Steve. I'm Kay.

Look, we know all about your plan, Steve.

Your fake Irish jig is up.

Except that...

Ooh...

..I also have a gun.

I guess what we have here is a Mexican standoff.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Mexican standoffs, you need one other person with a gun,

- like, right there, so there's you two... - OK, OK, all right,

fine, then, it's just...

It's just a standoff, then?

Yeah, standoff is good because

Mexican standoff is actually quite offensive to Mexican people...

OK! The point is we both have guns!

Except that...

GUN CLICKS

..mine's real.

Shit. OK, OK.

- Er, move to the backup plan. - Yeah.

Bring out the backup.

- Right. - OK. Just turning it on...

- What's your Wi-Fi password, Steve? - Oh, fuck's sakes.

Just tether it to my phone!

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry...

Oh, sorry, face ID.

Great.

OK.

We knew you might come prepared,

so we got ourselves a little insurance policy.

I understand you collect Pogs, Steve.

Yeah, quite the collection too.

It'd be a shame if something were to happen to it...

..wouldn't it, Tevin?

- There's nothing here. - What?

Been trying to text you. The place is empty.

And don't say my name!

Which he wouldn't have known was your real name

if you didn't just correct me!

You fucking idiots.

Oh, well, that's a bit rude.

At least this way, you get to enjoy the show.

What-what-what do you mean by show?

ELECTRICAL WHIRRING

BEEPING

- OK, that's bad. - Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

Anyone, come in.

RADIO CHATTER

RAISED VOICES

SIREN WAILS

Oh, Dom, there's a reason you get picked to be the patsy.

No, no, no, no, no, no!

GUNSHOT

- Oh, my... - Oh!

Oh, my Go...

- Fisher?! - Yep.

We've been onto this guy ever since you handed over the file, Dominique.

Bullshit!

You were in on this, you and the Ivydale Residents' Association.

Preposterous!

We can't even get Quorum to object to the bike hangars,

let alone organise something like this.

I saw the Pog on your desk!

Yeah, I like a Pog, so what?

I'm a nerd.

You might not believe it, Dominique,

but the truth is I tracked down Steve, found you two here -

despite the fact that you've been relieved of your duties -

Steve shot you both, so I had to shoot Steve.

- What? - No, Steve didn't sh...

Police, please. This is an emergency.

I'm a senior MI5 agent.

I'm in attendance at a scene with shots fired and three fatalities.

Flat 17, Tyburn Tower.

I need a full response team and ambulances.

OK, we're sending officers immediately.

DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

THEY GROAN

Oh, that hurts! That's worse than paintball!

You think that hurts?

Try having all of this!

OK, please tell me you hit record, Tev.

Yes, I hit record!

- Ah, OK. - Ah.

And can you stop saying my name?!

Three victims, did you say?

Yes. He shot two of them, so I had to neutralise him.

I mean, like, prepare yourself.

It's not a pretty sight.

Kay? What are you doing here, mate?

It's a long story, Quentin, but let me just show you.

Steve shot you both, so I had to shoot Steve.

- What? - No, Steve didn't sh...

GUNSHOTS

Oof.

Not all skinfolk, eh?

We have evidence.

Argh!

I've never stolen so much as an apple from a greengrocers!

Anything you do say may be given in evidence.

"Demand me nothing. What you know, you know.

"From this time forth I never will speak word."

Just say, "No comment," you twat.

Can someone please tell my housekeeper

to put the dips back in the fridge?

Take your hands off me! I'm warning you!

I play paddleball with David Cameron!

UPBEAT MUSIC

You do not have to say anything,

but it may harm your defence if you do not mention,

when questioned, something which you later rely on in court.

Are you dancing?

No, my, er...underwear's sort of riding up.

Get in the car!

THEY SQUEAL AND CHUCKLE

Yeah!

What are you doing?

Come on, Dom, it's Carnival!

Mm-mm. It's not my style. I don't really dance.

Come on!

Kay..

..I don't dance.

MUSIC CONTINUES

Woo, woo, woo, woo!

# It's a new dawn

# It's a new day

# It's a new life for me

# Oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-ooh

# And I'm feeling good

# Fish in the sea

# You know how I feel

# River running free

# You know how I feel

# Blossom on the tree

# You know how I feel

# It's a new dawn... #

- Mo. - Dom.

Good to have you back.

Thanks.

# And I'm feeling good... #

I just wanted to say thank you for what you did for Carnival.

Oh.

It's my biggest weekend of the year, that. It's just...

Those are my people!

Yeah, I'm always crate-diving for old dub plates and whatnot, and...

..I live in Clapham, which is pretty near Brixton.

I was actually thinking of setting up my own festival there.

A little carnival. The Clapham Carn...

..vival. Erm...

I'm in a reggae band, basically.

You'd be kind of hot if you weren't such a knob, you know that?

Bye.

Happy with that.

We have set you up with your own desk over here.

We need you to familiarise yourself with this first.

We're briefing Cobra in two hours.

This is you.

Welcome to the fast lane.

Thank you.

Oh, erm...

Remember I mentioned that informant who helped me?

I kind of promised him I'd get his record wiped.

Yeah, look, it's a bit of a hassle, that sort of a thing.

Usually takes a second tick from Whitehall.

But my computer is logged in.

I'm going to go for a piss and an Earl Grey,

so I dare say if you were to access the records, third icon down...

..well, I'd be none the wiser, would I?

Thank you.

Hi.

- Egghead! - Daddy!

I missed you!

Look, I've got something for you, Egghead.

You paid for that?

I always pay for stuff!

Just with money from...you know.

And, yeah, there were sometimes I didn't pay for stuff either,

but I, but I did pay for this.

Look...I've got the receipt.

It's all right.

I believe you.

Look, erm, T'Nisha, things are...

..things are going to be different now,

I promise.

Come here.

All right, look, er...

go inside, Egghead. I'm right behind you.

DOOR OPENS

Officer Ogundare.

Dom! How did you know I was here?

Did you trace my mobile? Because you're not meant to do that!

Relax, all right?

I know your beat and I know how you feel about pastries.

It wasn't hard.

Now, I have a job for you.

What, are you... Are you, like, Fisher now?

Er, I'm sort of better than Tom, not quite as good as Alasdair.

What do you think? Hmm?

I don't know.

Like, today, I got a Frisbee down from a tree.

I stopped some lads from throwing another lad's bag

on top of a bus stop.

I can see the difference I make in my community.

I just...

I just didn't get that with MI5.

Kay...

..you just saved Carnival.

Probably thousands of lives.

You bravely went and got that pink form.

Ooh, Debra's still texting me about a date,

if that's what you can even call some of the things she's describing.

You figured out about the radios.

You worked out how to find Steve's lair.

It was a lair, wasn't it?

Kay, YOU are the difference in the community and MI5 needs that.

MI5 needs you.

So, what do you say?

Working together again?

Team Day, huh?

All right. Two hot chocolates with oat milk

because dairy's for don't care-ies.

- We say boo to the moo. - Stop it!

- No, did you see what I did there? - Stop it!

THEY LAUGH

What the hell is happening?

Oh, erm, er, this is Yas.

Hi.

Ah... THIS is Yas.

- Yeah. - She's pretty.

Er... I'm here.

But thank you.

Erm, Yas, this is Dom.

What, THE Dom?

Oh, I see my reputation precedes me.

Er, Dom has very kindly offered me a job.

Wait, what?

- Mm. - We've talked about this. This is what she does.

I'm sorry, this is what who does what?!

Look, no offence, yeah...

..but your relationship, it's not healthy.

You're co-dependent.

Oh...

Yeah...

..we are co-dependent!

Kay, I want you to come and work with me

because I depend on you and you depend on me.

And we are co...

..depending...on each other.

So just come work with me, man!

Please?

Yas...

..I don't think I'm going to be finishing my shift.

- Kay... - Yeah!

Here are the keys to the community centre.

You're going to have to fly solo for pensioner bike maintenance.

Don't do this, Kay.

Make sure you reset the heating after hot yoga

and don't let the Quakers bully you out before six.

Bye, Jaz.

It's Yas.

Oh, sorry. I really don't care.

Good luck, Yas!

But you left...

Oat milk?

Yeah, I don't actually understand how an oat can be milked.

Good to have you back, friend.

Now, let's get out of here, shall we?

- No! - Hm-hm!

- No! - Just a perk of the job!

- You going to drive in those heels? - Yes, I am.

Ooh, you see? You're slipping off the pedal.

It's cos it has a low biting point.

I'm just saying, you could have a pair of flats in your bag.

Oh, my God, Kay. You're putting me off. I'm just...

A little pair of ballet pumps doesn't have to break the bag.

If you don't stop talking, I swear I will hit you!

Keep your hands at ten to two, please.

Do I get my own office?

I don't even have my own office, so no!

- Can I have a bigger desk? - No!

Can I have a plant on my desk?

Fine, yes. You have to pay for it yourself.

That's all right. Can I start an office netball team?

Netball?

- No! - OK.

# Bite your lip

# And take a trip

# Though there may be wet road ahead

# And you cannot slip

# Just move on up

# For peace, you will find... #