Original subtitles

I'm going home.

Just give us 24 hours to find Steve, then we'll come clean.

We haven't got an image of Steve.

But I know where we can get one.

We are coming for you.

Have you got any last words?

What if I was to call up your record and just hit delete?

I kind of told him I could wipe his record.

Tell him you wiped it.

By the time he finds out the truth, the police have got him.

- Oh! - Is it done?

It is done, your record is clean.

Your boyfriend is here!

Hello, beautiful. How was your day?

FAMILY LAUGHS

Oh, Julie! That food was something.

Wait, was that a hint of cumin in that rice?

Yes, there was! Thank you, Tevin.

So, Dom, tell us - how did you meet such a sweet, sweet guy?

Oh, you mean how did I manage to meet such a sweet, sweet girl?

He thinks she's the catch.

We can all hear you, Dad.

So, how long have you two been an item?

Yeah, um, you know, I...

We're not really, like, an item, it's more of a...

The kids say situationship.

Four months last Wednesday.

After Dom bought me a dozen roses, I thought, "Rah, rah, fair play."

I mean, why can't a woman buy a man flowers?

- Oh! - Right, who's got room for dessert?

- Oh, yes, please. - Yeah, actually, Tevin,

I think you've got to be getting back, right?

- No. - Tevin lives south, like really south, like Croydon.

South Croydon. And I remember you saying that you need to get home

to close your curtains before it gets dark

cos, you know, your estate's a bit rough.

- Oh? - Yeah, yeah, actually that's what I came round here to tell you.

To tell us what, Tevin?

I don't live in South Croydon any more.

Actually, I don't live anywhere any more.

- Landlord kicked me out. - What? - Yeah.

He hiked up the rent cos Croydon's so up-and-coming,

especially the south part, where it's leafier.

I told him I couldn't afford it, came home,

found my stuff in bin bags

and the locks changed.

- No, that's disgusting. - Not to mention illegal. - Yeah.

Well, maybe we could help.

Yeah, we could get you the name of a really good lawyer.

No! We've got space here.

- Do we? - Do you? - Yeah, you could... You could crash here for a bit.

Rah!

I just... I was just thinking about the insurance.

You know, can we have guests?

- Of course we can have guests, Dom. - Yes.

Thank you, Morris, I mean...Dad.

It's, it's... Listen, it's no problem...son.

DOM CHOKES

Yeah, right.

Er, babe, can you help me clear these plates

before we have this dessert that Julie's so obsessed with us having.

- Thanks. - Sure. - Ooh.

Come on, let's go.

Ooh! Dom's clearing the plates.

This is... This is a first.

What the fuck is this? What are you doing here?

I know you didn't get my record wiped.

I made some calls and I know it's bollocks.

OK, Tevin, here's what's gonna happen, OK?

You've got ten seconds to get the fuck out of my house

or I'm gonna call the police

and, by the way, I have a special number to call

because I'm secret services, bitch, and they come that bit faster.

- You won't call the police. - Oh, I'm already doing it.

Because if you do, you'll have to tell them

that you handed over state secrets to a terrorist.

At least that's what I heard you say earlier.

"Possible terrorist" is what I think I said, actually.

Um...

SHE CLEARS HER THROAT

OK, look. I did try to get your record wiped.

- Oh, you tried? - Yeah.

Oh, you tried. Well, that's fine, we'll just leave it, then.

- Thank you for understanding. - Try harder!

Oh!

THEY LAUGH FALSELY

It's so funny when you say things like that.

Cos I'm not leaving here until it's done.

Get me?

Yeah. I get you.

Oh, Julie, is this the dessert, yeah?

Ew.

Nah, this isn't Julie's lemon drizzle cake,

this has got to be M&S.

Stop it, you.

THEY CHUCKLE

Come on, Pookie, let's go.

So this is my side and that's your side.

- Did you put actual masking tape down? - Mm-hm.

I don't think it's halfway.

No, it's not halfway. You want to know why?

Because this is my room.

And can we get something clear, all right?

All of this...

HANDS SLAP AGAINST BOTTOM

..not part of the deal.

I'll try to keep my hands to myself.

Yeah, and, and...and we get changed under the bedding here

because this is a Christian household.

I'm told.

Praise Jesus.

Yeah, praise him.

TEVIN SNORES

- Where you going? - Shit.

I'm going for a piss.

Is that all right with you?

Don't drink liquids after 8pm.

And, Dom?

Don't get any ideas.

I know where you live.

Overnight oats, revelation.

- A little pinch of... - Thank you, Sue.

Overnight oats, great, we all know.

Mm, your 24 hours are up!

Tevin is living in my house.

What? What?!

He knows I didn't wipe his record, he knows about the Carnival file,

he is blackmailing me, living in my house

and eating my Pop-Tarts until I get his record wiped.

Oh! Oh! Is he staying there forever?

Because you're never getting his record wiped.

Yes, I know that, Kay.

Why did you tell me to say it?

- I didn't tell you to say it. - Uh-huh?

I just...floated it as a possibility.

Look, if you tell Fisher about the Carnival file,

then he wouldn't have anything to blackmail you with.

Yeah, cos I'll be in prison and he'll be at home,

watching Rick Stein's Mediterranean Adventures with my dad and Julie.

But if we sort this out ourselves,

then he also won't have anything to blackmail me with.

No, need I remind you that you said 24 hours to solve this,

and that was up about 14 hours ago.

OK, clock watching, hm?

Holding me to my exact words, is that what you're doing now, is it?

Yes.

Oh.

Well, I said 24 hours until we get somewhere, and we got somewhere.

We got his picture. And we can find out who the guy is

if we just take one little trip to the facial recognition suite.

So come on! Let's go.

Ooh! Yeah, it's classified and official documents, like, like...

Ooh, there's someone there.

So what's the big plan, then?

Because our passes don't work on this level so...

Shh, Kay! I'm trying to think.

Ooh, maybe we try the African cleaner thing.

- No, we work here... - They don't... Oh...

- Yes. - So MI5 classified information... - Yeah.

It's just classified...

I don't like this, Dom. I respect authority.

There's a reason we shouldn't be in rooms we shouldn't be in.

OK, just watch the corridor and tell me if anyone comes.

- Whose login are you using? - Graham's.

Password, Rincewind69. God, he is such a Graham.

His Majesty's Government takes civil liberties extremely seriously...

- Oh, God, boring. - ..so please... - VIDEO STOPS

How's the view out there?

It's all clear for now.

OK, let's get this bastard.

Ah! Got him.

Who is that? That's not Steve.

Yeah, no, it's some guy that ghosted me about six months ago.

Claimed he was moving to Frankfurt for work,

- but I saw him at a Lidl and I'm pretty... - Dom?

Just do Steve. We haven't got time for sunglasses man.

We have not got time for sunglasses man.

- We have not got time for sunglasses man! - All right!

Just watch the corridor.

You have no idea how difficult it is for a single woman in London.

Whatever.

- There he is. - Finally!

OK, database searching.

Shit, must be off-grid. Figures.

- OK, OK. Well, we tried. - Oh, hang on, we still have to

cross-reference his image against CCTV.

- OK, um...Dom, I can hear someone coming. - OK.

I think it was the guy that was in here.

- Hurry up, Dom. - "Hurry up"?

I'm not the one deep-scanning London's CCTV network, all right?

It is the guy that was in here! We need to get out, now.

All right. God. It's like Crystal Maze, this.

Ah.

OK.

That was too close, Dom.

I honestly thought for a second under there my heart had stopped.

COMPUTER CHIMES

Yes, it worked.

- And I didn't see the light. - OK, come and look at this, Kay.

Look at all these sightings of Steve.

My God, they really do know everything, don't they?

- I mean you can't even scratch your arse without MI5... - Dom!

Just get on with it.

OK, all right. So there's a cluster there...

I think this must be where he lives, right?

OK.

Oh, my God, there he is, there he is.

Yes! Subject identified.

DOM LAUGHS

We are coming for you, Steve.

What are you doing, Steve?

And then she goes to dry her face with a tea towel,

and there he is, clear as day, the image of Jesus.

- Where'd he go? - Right there. I mean, she framed it.

She put it on the wall in her church next to the notice board.

I mean it, it's uncanny, I've seen it,

and, yes, you can argue it looks like a young Jeremy Irons,

but he's still with us,

so I don't imagine him appearing on tea towels...

- It's him. - No, it's definitely Jesus, because...

No, it's Steve, he's coming out.

Maybe he was expecting a Deliveroo.

Do you think Steve is a Maccy Ds guy or a BKs guy?

No, he's got to be a Maccy Ds, no-one's a BK...

OK, yeah, he's moving, let's go.

Speaking of Maccy Ds, if we pass a drive-thru, can we just...?

We are following a suspect!

- Look, please, I'm hungry. - All right, fine, if we pass one. - Thank you.

- Don't get too close. - I know what I'm doing.

- You need to change gear. - Oh, my God!

And why are we following him?

I told you, we need to get some leverage on this guy,

find out what he's up to.

Oh, there, there, sitting on a bench.

Ooh, incoming.

Someone with a bag.

Oh, he's sitting down on the bench next to him.

Kind of elder statesman, silver fox, debonair type.

Oh, let me see. Let me see, let me see.

Oh, yeah, he is a silver fox.

Right? I wonder if they're related. They've got the same square jawline.

- Oh, he's left the bag! It's a handover. - It's a handover.

See? I knew it.

Right, coming for you, Steve, and your silver fox.

Maybe you should've followed Silver Fox.

No, we stick on Steve.

We need to find out what that guy gave him and what's in that bag.

Can you leave my air-con alone, please?

I'm hot, this is stressful. He's turned right.

Yes, I have eyes, Kay.

He's walking to a lock-up.

He's opening the lock-up.

He's taking a bag...

- I can see all of this. - ..in the lock-up.

He's closing the door to the lock-up.

And he's looking right at us.

Oh, shit!

And he's driving away without the bag.

The bag is in the lock-up.

SHE GRUNTS

Nope, it's locked.

OK, we need to find out what's in there.

Bomb-making equipment, weapons, anthrax.

That's our leverage, and then we can say to him,

"We've found your little bomb-making lair, it's out of action

"and nobody needs to know about this

"as long as nobody knows about the file".

Sounds icky.

Yeah, well, that's the game, you know? It's icky.

Oh, maybe we can recruit him as an asset,

and then he can foil future plans for us.

Uh-huh.

OK, so how do we get in?

Um...

Oh, oh, oh, they've got a lock picker.

- Who? - The Tesco Express around the corner.

MI5, Kay! You know, our esteemed employer.

- Yeah, no, yeah. - Graham told me about the gadget stores.

No, I'm aware of the gadget stores.

I also know that you need a pink form from Accounts

with a job code to get anything out of there.

It's paperwork, bureaucracy!

Hmm.

What?

Debra. Hi, how are you?

Better for seeing you, handsome!

IRL, I mean.

Dreams don't count.

Great, great patter.

SHE LAUGHS

Er, speaking of dreams, you'd be really making mine come true if...

Go on!

If you could give me a pink form for the gadget stores?

Oh.

To get a pink form you need a blue form signed by your line manager.

Yeah, this is kind of urgent, so I was thinking

maybe if there was a way you could give me a pink form now,

and I can get you that blue form later.

Well, we never normally do it like that.

And...

..by later, I was thinking...

..dinner, perhaps?

In a public venue.

Oh...you naughty boy.

Ooh!

Stop it, stop it.

You were so smooth, Kay.

You were like the Samson to her Delilah.

Ugh. And you're paying for dinner, by the way, and you're calling me

as soon as it gets dark with a fake reason for me to leave.

- You were the David to her Bathsheba. - No!

- The Boaz to her Ruth. - No.

INTERCOM BUZZES

SPEAKER CRACKLES

Salisbury Plain.

DOOR UNLOCKS AND BUZZES

So what kind of lock are we talking?

Cylinder? Deadbolt?

Night lock? Combination?

Oh just, you know, just a standard one.

Well, what kind of building are we breaking into?

- Whoa, breaking in? - Oh, no, breaking, I didn't say anything about break...

- Never, never. - You said it, you said it. - That's illegal.

Oh, yeah, "It's an investigation," yada-yada-yada.

Yeah, I know the drill, but the building, what are we talking?

Oh.

A garage with a key lock thingy.

Okey dokey, now we're getting somewhere.

Jesus Christ.

Er...oh, I'm pleased to see this getting a run out.

You see, everything is cyber these days,

but you just can't beat the classics.

- No, I bet you can't. - Yeah, totally.

If it sticks, a bit of this, she'll be chirpy as a chipmunk.

Gloves, cos I assume you're not planning on

leaving your prints all over the place?

- No, no, I'm not, I don't know about her. - No, absolutely not

- I don't know about you. Are you gonna...? - I'm not going to do that.

- No, we don't wanna leave... - Bolt cutters!

Jeez, Louise!

If all else fails.

And I'll give you a UV torch,

Oh, I always carry one of these.

You'd be surprised the amount of blood and semen

you find under one of these.

Hotel rooms, Tube.

There's more around than you think, the old blood and semen.

And last but not least...

..cacao balls.

Like poisonous cacao balls?

No, just thought you might want a snack.

I made them myself. Packed full of antioxidants.

Oh, well, er, thanks, Dave.

And, um, nice get-up. by the way.

Oh, thanks, yeah.

I'm, er, fighting the Cavaliers later, for my sins.

- Wow. Well, good luck with that. - Thanks, mate.

They're a mad bunch of bastards.

Yeah, IT consultants from Cheadle Hulme.

Oh, well, I'll pray for you.

Keeps me off the streets.

Without it, I'd be a maniac.

Ha...ha...

Stop eating cacao balls! Let's do this.

- There's a guy over there. Shall we wait? - Why?

As far as he's concerned, we're just going to our lock-up.

Yeah, but what if he knows Steve? We're not Steve.

- You all right? - Hi.

KAY MUTTERS JOVIALLY

Just hurry up.

- OK, hand me the silver thing. - Silver thing.

- Hand me the gold thing. - Gold thing.

- Now watch my back. - Yep.

Right.

Yes!

Redemption is on the other side of this door.

KAY SIGHS

Hm?

BEEPING

- Ooh! - Oh, my God! Shit, crap, bollocks.

- There's a code, Kay, what's the code? - How am I supposed to know?

You're the one with the link to the divine.

We should just run, we haven't left any prints.

Dude literally just saw our faces.

And dude is still watching us now.

BEEPING GETS FASTER

OK, why is it going faster? Why is it going faster?

- 1234, 4321, how many combinations can there be? - Thousands, Dom!

- OK, I'm just going to press any random number... - Wait!

- What? - UV torch.

What?

- Hey! - Everything all right in there?

FRANTIC BEEPING

Yeah, yeah.

I see you got some, er, wood.

It's lovely weather for it, you know.

Yeah, it's all right, mate, it's all right.

Right, yeah, um...

SHE GASPS

1-7-8-9.

OK, so what's the order?

Um, maybe it's his birth year.

So, 1987 or 1978?

BEEPING GETS FASTER

- Well, 1978 makes him... - 47?

Mm-mm. And 1987 makes him...

..38!

BEEPING INTENSIFIES

BEEPING STOPS

THEY EXHALE

All right. When we get out of here,

you're going to see me stress-eat about ten cacao balls.

Do not judge me.

Wait, wait, wait.

Wait, wait, wait. Careful.

What the hell...?

They're Pogs.

Again, what the hell?

Yeah, yeah, you remember Pogs. You use a slammer to knock them over

and get as many as possible face down.

These were massive in the '90s.

So was Hootie & the Blowfish, Kay,

but I don't expect them to be hidden in a garage.

Why does he have a bag full of Pogs?

I don't know! Maybe he has a hobby?

OK, fine, all right, OK, fine.

It's a dead end but it's only one line of inquiry, OK?

We have his address, so we can follow him again and...

No, no, Dom.

Dom, you said 24 hours, we've been getting on for three days.

And Carnival's not for another two weeks.

Yes, and with every passing day, we look guiltier.

- Just go away, I need to think! - Think.

No, listen, see.

The scene back in the day was all about Lovers Rock.

- Now no-one talks about Lovers Rock. - No, they don't, they don't.

Hello? I'm home.

Oh, shit, shit, shit, shit.

- Give me that. It's cool, it's cool. - Hey, Dom!

Hey, Dad.

You OK?

Dom, you've got a real keeper here.

Don't let a good one go.

Oh, I won't.

Remember the stiff drawer?

Tevin fixed it!

And he made us brunch this morning.

What did you put in those eggs?

- A pinch of garlic powder. - Oh, you sorcerer!

Garlic!

Yeah, I'm just trying to earn my keep.

I don't want to outstay my welcome, you know what I mean?

You stay as long as you need, my bredren.

"Bredren"? OK.

All right, er, Tevin, babe, can we have a little word in private?

Now?

Sure thing.

Tevin, thank you.

Were you just smoking a spliff with my dad?

It was just a rollie, but I didn't want to burst his bubble, you know?

- All right, just stop. - Stop what?

Whatever this is, like palling it up with my family.

They're good people, I get on with them.

OK, I get that you're trying to psych me out,

but you can save your energy.

I already told you I can't get your record wiped.

Yes, you can.

I've seen what you can do when you put your mind to it.

So put your mind to this. Get it done.

And I ain't even fucking about, Dom.

PHONE BUZZES

- Get the fuck out. - Of my room? - Yes!

It's a business call.

I need something from the kitchen anyway!

Jay, baby, what you still doing awake?

I had a scary dream, Daddy.

All right, babe, it was just a dream, OK?

Can you sing to me like you used to?

Please?

# Frere Jacques, frere Jacques

# Dormez-vous? Dormez-vous? #

Who's that lady?

I was just going through the thing...

Hi, um...

# Sonnez les matines Sonnez les matines

# Ding, dang, dong Ding, dang, dong

# Frere Jacques, frere Jacques

# Dormez-vous? Dormez-vous?

# Sonnez les matines Sonnez les matines

# Ding, dang, dong Ding, dang, dong #

All right, Jay, baby? Get to sleep now.

Night-night. Love you, Daddy.

I love you too, Egg Head.

- "Egg Head"? - Shut up.

That's why you want to get your record wiped, isn't it?

Yeah, we're not doing this right now.

BEEPING

BEEPING STOPS

- Afternoon. - Ha. Yeah, funny.

- What's all this? - Catch up. Where were you yesterday?

Er, I had suspected meningitis, Graham, as I texted.

I can't think why you're still not an agent.

Kay, do you recognise this?

It's a pink form.

It's your pink form.

And you're supposed to get a blue form signed by me

to get one of those.

Yeah, yes, I know. Er, I'm sorry, it was an emergency.

Why did you even need anything from the gadget store?

Oh, it was a lock picker, and, um, I was, er...

I got locked out of my flat.

You used Government resources like this because you got locked out?

I'm sorry, but do you really think the taxpayer should be funding this?

Alasdair, I just thought, you know...

..if I can't get into my flat...

..then I can't go to bed,

and then I can't have my Coco Pops in the morning,

and that, right,

I don't think I would be at my best for the taxpayer.

Well...

..next time, get a locksmith.

- Yes. - All right. - Yes, sir. Abso...absolute...

I know, right?

Wednesdays be Wednesdaying.

Oh...

I need a file pull on two agents.

Kayode Ogundare and Dominique Archibald.

DOOR SQUEAKS OPEN

- Dom? - Oh, look, Kay, check this out.

Fisher's file, it was in my pile.

That rhymed. Oh, my God.

Do you know she was in the army?

- Dom... - Like the actual army.

- Dom? - And this was her at uni. Check that out for some Bullingdon shit.

Ooh, and this is her address, 32 Ivydale Grove.

- Pretty swish... - Dom!

There's something I need to tell you.

All right! Just tell me, you don't have to shout.

Either you come clean or I will.

Are you being serious right now?

Very.

All right, fine.

Oh, thank the Lord.

OK, look, Fisher's in her office, we...

But...we're bringing Steve in.

What?

If I'm going to have to confess to this thing,

then I want to bring him in at the same time.

Bang, solid proof I wasn't working with the guy.

That's the compromise, Kay.

We are bringing Steve in.

We might have a situation here.