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1
00:00:04,234 --> 00:00:06,001
Okay, I'm ready for Vegas.
2
00:00:06,003 --> 00:00:07,802
Wait... hand sanitizer,
3
00:00:07,804 --> 00:00:09,471
Band-Aids, toilet seat covers.
4
00:00:09,473 --> 00:00:10,839
Yep, I'm ready.
5
00:00:12,347 --> 00:00:14,476
I'm proud of you, Lizzy,
being all spontaneous
6
00:00:14,478 --> 00:00:16,420
and going to Vegas on two weeks' notice.
7
00:00:17,990 --> 00:00:19,714
So I'll miss Suze Orman's TED Talk.
8
00:00:19,716 --> 00:00:21,662
I'll catch the highlights
on "Rachel Maddow."
9
00:00:22,853 --> 00:00:24,586
That's the gayest thing you've ever said.
10
00:00:25,855 --> 00:00:27,998
And that includes, "Luke, I'm gay."
11
00:00:29,787 --> 00:00:31,693
Viva Las Vegas, baby!
12
00:00:35,131 --> 00:00:37,165
Are you going to visit or to work?
13
00:00:39,368 --> 00:00:41,169
I actually did work in Vegas.
14
00:00:41,171 --> 00:00:43,772
I was the top showcase girl
at Sapphire, which means...
15
00:00:43,774 --> 00:00:45,607
Oh, I think I know what that means.
16
00:00:47,076 --> 00:00:49,230
That I sold the most sapphires.
17
00:00:49,232 --> 00:00:50,879
It was a jewelry store...
18
00:00:50,881 --> 00:00:52,287
inside a strip club.
19
00:00:53,552 --> 00:00:55,654
I knew we'd end up there.
20
00:00:56,153 --> 00:00:58,386
I love that we're going back
to the place where it all began
21
00:00:58,388 --> 00:01:00,386
to celebrate our two-month anniversary.
22
00:01:00,388 --> 00:01:00,989
Aww.
23
00:01:00,991 --> 00:01:02,123
It's cute that you're celebrating
24
00:01:02,125 --> 00:01:03,425
your two-month anniversary.
25
00:01:03,427 --> 00:01:05,232
You and a bunch of seventh-graders.
26
00:01:06,482 --> 00:01:08,597
And I'm so glad you
could come with us, Lizzy.
27
00:01:08,599 --> 00:01:10,732
What's more romantic than
sharing a junior suite
28
00:01:10,734 --> 00:01:13,368
with my new husband and
the woman he got pregnant?
29
00:01:15,371 --> 00:01:17,606
Look at me. I got a lady on each arm,
30
00:01:17,608 --> 00:01:19,107
a suitcase full of Red Bull,
31
00:01:19,109 --> 00:01:21,376
and a two-for-one to
"The Vagina Monologues."
32
00:01:22,745 --> 00:01:24,446
That's playing in Vegas?
33
00:01:24,943 --> 00:01:27,949
No, actually, it's
"Rick's Vagina Monologues."
34
00:01:29,485 --> 00:01:31,386
He gets them to talk.
35
00:01:32,855 --> 00:01:35,521
Please tell me there's
audience participation.
36
00:01:42,801 --> 00:01:44,801
Synced and corrected by Chitorafa
www.addic7ed.com
37
00:01:46,702 --> 00:01:47,998
So this is where you got married
38
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and perhaps contracted
39
00:01:49,234 --> 00:01:51,131
one or more of the "hepatie-tie."
40
00:01:52,042 --> 00:01:54,276
It is, but it didn't look like this.
41
00:01:54,278 --> 00:01:56,732
I mean, it didn't look
much better than this.
42
00:01:57,615 --> 00:01:58,879
Well, the good news is,
43
00:01:58,881 --> 00:02:00,916
I am no longer sad that
I missed your wedding.
44
00:02:02,251 --> 00:02:03,600
Excuse me, sir...
45
00:02:04,178 --> 00:02:05,795
Ma'am.
46
00:02:06,490 --> 00:02:08,657
What's going on? 'Cause
we got married here.
47
00:02:08,659 --> 00:02:10,760
- No, you didn't.
- Yes, we did.
48
00:02:10,761 --> 00:02:12,198
No, you didn't.
49
00:02:13,620 --> 00:02:16,588
None of the weddings that
happened here were legal.
50
00:02:16,698 --> 00:02:18,151
Sorry, you got scammed.
51
00:02:18,392 --> 00:02:20,565
This place was a front for the mob.
52
00:02:21,776 --> 00:02:22,782
This is messed up.
53
00:02:22,784 --> 00:02:24,743
I can't believe this isn't a real chapel.
54
00:02:24,745 --> 00:02:28,159
Yeah, what house of God
doesn't have a stripper pole?
55
00:02:29,174 --> 00:02:31,297
Luke, do you know what this means?
56
00:02:31,299 --> 00:02:33,659
It means... I didn't miss your wedding.
57
00:02:33,799 --> 00:02:35,798
And now I get to be your best man.
58
00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:37,064
And you get to have a real ceremony.
59
00:02:37,066 --> 00:02:39,277
Wow, that's a large blood stain!
60
00:02:40,261 --> 00:02:42,830
Lizzy, my visa expires in a week.
61
00:02:42,846 --> 00:02:44,077
If we're not married by then,
62
00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:45,746
I'll be exiled back to England,
63
00:02:45,748 --> 00:02:47,381
forever banished from this land.
64
00:02:47,619 --> 00:02:50,072
Would you just speak
American for one second?
65
00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:52,286
I'll be sent back to England
66
00:02:52,288 --> 00:02:54,855
and put on a permanent no re-entry list.
67
00:02:54,857 --> 00:02:57,391
Well, I love you, and I'm
not gonna let that happen.
68
00:02:57,393 --> 00:02:58,826
All right? We'll just get married again.
69
00:02:58,828 --> 00:03:01,128
There's a chapel across the street, see?
70
00:03:01,130 --> 00:03:02,763
Just past "Nude, Nude, Nude,"
71
00:03:02,765 --> 00:03:05,332
it says, "Wedding, Wedding, Wedding."
72
00:03:05,334 --> 00:03:06,567
Wait, you guys,
73
00:03:06,569 --> 00:03:08,168
you have a week to get married.
74
00:03:08,170 --> 00:03:10,237
I mean, I could plan
something really nice for you.
75
00:03:10,239 --> 00:03:12,506
I have been called "the
organizer's organizer"...
76
00:03:12,508 --> 00:03:16,176
by me... to myself...
while I'm organizing.
77
00:03:17,946 --> 00:03:19,446
I do kinda feel like I missed out
78
00:03:19,448 --> 00:03:21,756
on some of that traditional wedding stuff.
79
00:03:22,108 --> 00:03:23,484
I never got a chance to propose,
80
00:03:23,486 --> 00:03:25,486
or ask your dad for his blessing,
81
00:03:25,488 --> 00:03:28,232
or make bad decisions at a bachelor party.
82
00:03:29,125 --> 00:03:31,889
Dude, look at her, you're
marrying a bachelor party.
83
00:03:32,728 --> 00:03:34,161
Aw, Lizzy, I'm touched...
84
00:03:34,163 --> 00:03:36,263
and someday, you will be again, too.
85
00:03:38,334 --> 00:03:39,418
You know what?
86
00:03:40,066 --> 00:03:41,168
Let's do it right...
87
00:03:42,324 --> 00:03:43,437
starting now.
88
00:03:48,577 --> 00:03:51,043
Prudence Merlizabeth Baines.
89
00:03:51,781 --> 00:03:54,051
- Will you marry me?
- Oh, wait, wait, wait.
90
00:03:54,483 --> 00:03:55,848
Here's a ring.
91
00:04:00,722 --> 00:04:04,046
Luke, I'd marry you a thousand times.
92
00:04:04,594 --> 00:04:06,493
But let's try and cap it at two.
93
00:04:08,930 --> 00:04:10,297
I'm sorry, can I have that ring back?
94
00:04:10,299 --> 00:04:11,960
That was my last peach one.
95
00:04:19,881 --> 00:04:22,782
Okay, the wedding
planning is in full swing.
96
00:04:22,783 --> 00:04:23,982
And remember when I said
97
00:04:23,984 --> 00:04:25,428
I had something big a-brewin'?
98
00:04:25,452 --> 00:04:26,784
Lizzy, I know you're
pregnant, but I don't need
99
00:04:26,785 --> 00:04:28,656
to be on every part of your journey.
100
00:04:29,521 --> 00:04:31,922
No! You wanted to ask Prudence's dad
101
00:04:31,924 --> 00:04:33,390
for her hand in marriage.
102
00:04:33,392 --> 00:04:35,092
Well, someone is a bit
of an Internet sleuth
103
00:04:35,094 --> 00:04:36,827
and tracked down a Mr. Martin Baines
104
00:04:36,829 --> 00:04:38,462
in Splitwick, England.
105
00:04:38,464 --> 00:04:39,930
Oh, wow, you found his number?
106
00:04:39,932 --> 00:04:41,698
No, that would be average "best man-ing."
107
00:04:41,700 --> 00:04:44,501
This little lesbo went to the market.
108
00:04:46,621 --> 00:04:47,949
Is this a riddle?
109
00:04:49,674 --> 00:04:52,242
I flew in Prudence's dad!
110
00:04:52,244 --> 00:04:53,577
His cab just got here!
111
00:04:53,579 --> 00:04:55,479
He is sitting on the couch right now!
112
00:04:55,481 --> 00:04:57,514
If I had a mic, I'd drop it.
113
00:04:59,613 --> 00:05:02,319
Oh, my God, I'm about to
meet my future father-in-law!
114
00:05:02,321 --> 00:05:03,754
What do I do? How do I look?
115
00:05:03,756 --> 00:05:06,256
- Do I curtsy?
- Yes, curtsy... no!
116
00:05:06,258 --> 00:05:08,225
Just relax, okay?
117
00:05:08,227 --> 00:05:09,793
Be your amazing self.
118
00:05:09,795 --> 00:05:11,595
Ask for his daughter's hand.
119
00:05:11,597 --> 00:05:13,096
And just remember that
you're supposed to get
120
00:05:13,098 --> 00:05:15,265
your best man a gift, so cashmere will do.
121
00:05:17,468 --> 00:05:18,769
Thank you.
122
00:05:18,771 --> 00:05:20,504
You really are the greatest best man.
123
00:05:20,506 --> 00:05:21,972
Yeah, I guess the key to being
124
00:05:21,974 --> 00:05:23,874
a great best man is being a woman.
125
00:05:27,552 --> 00:05:30,747
Mr. Luke, I'm Baines... Bad start.
126
00:05:30,749 --> 00:05:32,349
Um...
127
00:05:32,351 --> 00:05:34,618
I'm Luke. It's a
pleasure to meet you, sir.
128
00:05:34,620 --> 00:05:36,253
Oh, please, call me Martin.
129
00:05:36,255 --> 00:05:38,054
Lovely home you have here.
130
00:05:38,056 --> 00:05:39,289
I come bearing gifts.
131
00:05:39,291 --> 00:05:40,731
Here's an airplane blanket.
132
00:05:44,028 --> 00:05:46,096
And instructions for a water landing.
133
00:05:47,965 --> 00:05:49,332
Thank you.
134
00:05:52,070 --> 00:05:54,304
Look, I'm just gonna come out and say it.
135
00:05:54,306 --> 00:05:55,639
I love Prudence.
136
00:05:55,641 --> 00:05:58,108
She makes me happier than I've ever been.
137
00:05:58,110 --> 00:06:00,310
And I want to spend the
rest of my life with her.
138
00:06:00,312 --> 00:06:02,479
So with your blessing, I'd like to...
139
00:06:02,481 --> 00:06:04,081
'Ello, love!
140
00:06:04,083 --> 00:06:06,350
Martin! What are you doing here?
141
00:06:06,352 --> 00:06:08,618
- I flew your father in!
- That's not my father!
142
00:06:08,620 --> 00:06:10,620
- Well, I'm pretty sure...
- I'm her husband.
143
00:06:12,458 --> 00:06:14,208
- What?
- Come again?
144
00:06:14,626 --> 00:06:16,159
My ex-husband.
145
00:06:16,161 --> 00:06:18,795
No, husband... I never
signed the divorce papers.
146
00:06:18,797 --> 00:06:20,797
- We're still married.
- Oh!
147
00:06:23,968 --> 00:06:26,470
This little lesbo went
to the wrong market.
148
00:06:29,841 --> 00:06:32,709
I'm so sorry I never told
you I was married before.
149
00:06:32,711 --> 00:06:34,444
But it's not something I'm proud of.
150
00:06:34,446 --> 00:06:35,912
I was very young.
151
00:06:35,914 --> 00:06:37,288
I was very young when I went through
152
00:06:37,290 --> 00:06:39,702
my eyeliner phase, but
I showed you the picture!
153
00:06:41,919 --> 00:06:43,754
Well, I'm telling you now!
154
00:06:43,756 --> 00:06:45,589
And I was desperate
to get out of my house.
155
00:06:45,591 --> 00:06:47,190
We were really poor.
156
00:06:47,192 --> 00:06:50,293
I had to share a bed with
six of my seven sisters.
157
00:06:50,295 --> 00:06:52,429
Beatrice slept standing up like a horse.
158
00:06:54,162 --> 00:06:56,038
Prudence, how could you not tell me?
159
00:06:56,502 --> 00:06:58,034
I just wanted to erase the past
160
00:06:58,036 --> 00:06:59,631
and pretend it never happened.
161
00:06:59,972 --> 00:07:02,539
I thought I was divorced!
I signed the papers!
162
00:07:02,541 --> 00:07:04,716
But, apparently, that wanker never did.
163
00:07:05,744 --> 00:07:09,046
That is something you
should maybe follow up on!
164
00:07:11,099 --> 00:07:14,151
I know "I'm sorry" doesn't fully cover it,
165
00:07:14,153 --> 00:07:15,778
but if I had flown in your father,
166
00:07:15,780 --> 00:07:16,630
that would have been awesome!
167
00:07:16,632 --> 00:07:18,755
Can we all just take a
moment to imagine that?
168
00:07:20,958 --> 00:07:22,626
Lizzy, how the hell did this happen?
169
00:07:22,628 --> 00:07:24,327
Prudence told me that her
father's name was Martin.
170
00:07:24,329 --> 00:07:26,232
So we can pass the blame around a little.
171
00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:32,102
I took "Baines" when I married him.
172
00:07:32,104 --> 00:07:34,738
And I kept it because my
maiden name was hyphenated,
173
00:07:34,740 --> 00:07:36,907
and it caused me a lot
of grief growing up.
174
00:07:37,458 --> 00:07:38,872
What was your name?
175
00:07:39,578 --> 00:07:42,653
It was Prudence Merlizabeth
Hardmeat-Buttswallow.
176
00:07:46,778 --> 00:07:47,950
You know what?
177
00:07:48,387 --> 00:07:49,622
Good choice.
178
00:07:51,823 --> 00:07:53,023
That's the stuff we would have learned
179
00:07:53,025 --> 00:07:54,257
if we spent our second date
180
00:07:54,259 --> 00:07:55,459
doing hand stuff in a movie theater
181
00:07:55,461 --> 00:07:57,160
instead of getting married in Vegas.
182
00:07:58,863 --> 00:08:00,063
All right, I'm gonna handle this.
183
00:08:00,065 --> 00:08:01,465
I'm gonna get in his face.
184
00:08:01,467 --> 00:08:03,100
I'm gonna make him sign
those divorce papers,
185
00:08:03,102 --> 00:08:05,002
and I'm gonna put him on
the next plane out of here.
186
00:08:05,004 --> 00:08:06,303
Look, before you go out there,
187
00:08:06,305 --> 00:08:08,004
just know he's a bit shifty.
188
00:08:08,006 --> 00:08:09,506
He got kicked out of the
Splitwick Cricket Club
189
00:08:09,508 --> 00:08:11,208
for using a weighted wicket.
190
00:08:13,357 --> 00:08:15,278
Okay, I heard "shifty."
191
00:08:16,414 --> 00:08:17,888
And I can handle him.
192
00:08:18,051 --> 00:08:19,884
Let's hope he can handle me.
193
00:08:21,349 --> 00:08:23,617
That bent my fingernail all the way back.
194
00:08:25,023 --> 00:08:26,271
Don't!
195
00:08:27,493 --> 00:08:28,825
All right, Martin, we need to talk.
196
00:08:28,827 --> 00:08:30,861
Actually, I need to
talk, you need to listen.
197
00:08:30,863 --> 00:08:32,362
Or there's a third
option... we could both talk
198
00:08:32,364 --> 00:08:33,997
at the same time and
see who listens to what.
199
00:08:33,999 --> 00:08:35,332
- What?
- What?
200
00:08:38,503 --> 00:08:41,371
See? That got us nowhere. So let me start.
201
00:08:41,373 --> 00:08:43,106
Pretty curious, isn't it,
202
00:08:43,108 --> 00:08:44,841
that your wife never told you about me.
203
00:08:44,843 --> 00:08:46,176
First of all, she's my wife.
204
00:08:46,178 --> 00:08:47,377
That's what I said, "She's my wife."
205
00:08:47,379 --> 00:08:48,745
So that's settled.
206
00:08:50,548 --> 00:08:52,349
No, it's not settled.
Prudence signed those
207
00:08:52,351 --> 00:08:55,244
divorce papers a long time
ago, and you should've, too.
208
00:08:55,721 --> 00:08:58,855
I let Prudence go once,
and now that I've found her,
209
00:08:58,857 --> 00:09:02,760
I am never letting her go again.
210
00:09:06,397 --> 00:09:08,135
Now, you go!
211
00:09:09,850 --> 00:09:12,069
Oh, I'll go. You're
gonna sign those papers
212
00:09:12,071 --> 00:09:13,537
or I'm gonna kick your ass.
213
00:09:13,539 --> 00:09:17,107
Ooh, bad boy come to rough me up, eh?
214
00:09:18,976 --> 00:09:21,411
This'll be fun. You hit me, I hit you.
215
00:09:21,413 --> 00:09:24,081
You hit me, I hit you.
You kick me, I kick you.
216
00:09:24,083 --> 00:09:26,316
Sorry, mate, sorry, mate.
Pint for you, pint for me.
217
00:09:26,318 --> 00:09:28,251
Let's just cut to the
end. First round's on you.
218
00:09:42,073 --> 00:09:44,941
Look, I printed up standard
British divorce papers.
219
00:09:44,943 --> 00:09:47,127
Cost me 15 quid, whatever that is.
220
00:09:47,931 --> 00:09:49,779
All we gotta do is get Martin to sign it.
221
00:09:49,781 --> 00:09:51,114
Yeah, good luck reasoning with the guy.
222
00:09:51,116 --> 00:09:53,884
He'll steal the watch
right off your... what?!
223
00:09:55,931 --> 00:09:57,254
I left it at home.
224
00:09:59,619 --> 00:10:02,125
Dude's in a drinking
contest with himself...
225
00:10:08,142 --> 00:10:09,728
and he's gonna win.
226
00:10:11,767 --> 00:10:13,695
Look, that's why you
guys are all here, okay?
227
00:10:13,697 --> 00:10:16,297
To create a festive
atmosphere, so he gets so drunk,
228
00:10:16,299 --> 00:10:17,758
he doesn't even know what he's signing.
229
00:10:17,760 --> 00:10:19,320
Yes, but when it comes to drinking,
230
00:10:19,322 --> 00:10:20,898
no one can keep up with him.
231
00:10:20,900 --> 00:10:22,946
He was once told by an angry
mob of football hooligans
232
00:10:22,948 --> 00:10:24,581
to please calm down.
233
00:10:26,361 --> 00:10:27,508
Okay, listen, I got this.
234
00:10:27,510 --> 00:10:28,743
He doesn't know that I'm pregnant.
235
00:10:28,745 --> 00:10:30,144
I will go shot for shot with him.
236
00:10:30,146 --> 00:10:31,579
Even if you weren't pregnant, your idea
237
00:10:31,581 --> 00:10:33,547
of "raging" is late-night "House Hunters"
238
00:10:33,549 --> 00:10:34,982
and chardonnay on ice.
239
00:10:34,984 --> 00:10:36,550
'Ello, 'ello!
240
00:10:37,953 --> 00:10:40,688
Pints taste like a
possum's piss over here.
241
00:10:40,690 --> 00:10:42,823
So, we are switching to whiskey.
242
00:10:42,825 --> 00:10:45,459
Ha-hoo! To Martin!
243
00:10:51,504 --> 00:10:53,817
Feel that one going down, don't you?
244
00:10:54,475 --> 00:10:56,475
Yeah... you do.
245
00:10:58,678 --> 00:11:00,646
Should we throw another one back?
246
00:11:00,648 --> 00:11:03,048
I like your style. But
hands off, love, I'm taken.
247
00:11:13,893 --> 00:11:16,095
Luke, you're not such a bad bloke.
248
00:11:16,097 --> 00:11:17,796
Thanks for keeping the missus warm for me.
249
00:11:17,798 --> 00:11:19,265
I wasn't keeping her warm for you.
250
00:11:19,267 --> 00:11:20,532
Oh, it's big of you to
admit you're impotent
251
00:11:20,534 --> 00:11:22,167
in front of everyone.
252
00:11:22,169 --> 00:11:24,570
Hey, I can get it up, I can get it way up!
253
00:11:30,110 --> 00:11:31,644
He can.
254
00:11:40,854 --> 00:11:42,288
Okay, I think he's drunk enough.
255
00:11:42,290 --> 00:11:44,323
He just exposed himself
to our neighbor's dog.
256
00:11:45,592 --> 00:11:47,220
Poor Coco.
257
00:11:47,828 --> 00:11:49,328
Look, sit him on the couch.
258
00:11:49,330 --> 00:11:51,196
I'll grab a pen and trick
him into signing the papers.
259
00:12:00,740 --> 00:12:03,776
Hey! Hey, Pru Pru, don't be shy.
260
00:12:03,778 --> 00:12:06,545
Come over here and let's
reenact our wedding night.
261
00:12:07,647 --> 00:12:09,582
How? You gonna sleep with my cousin
262
00:12:09,584 --> 00:12:11,784
and then get into an
argument with a post box?
263
00:12:14,554 --> 00:12:17,423
Darling, let's not fight
in front of company.
264
00:12:17,425 --> 00:12:18,824
You're the company, jackass!
265
00:12:20,394 --> 00:12:22,428
Just piss off, you bloody bastard!
266
00:12:25,131 --> 00:12:28,834
Oh, and, dude, I saw what
Coco saw, and I got you beat.
267
00:12:35,742 --> 00:12:38,310
I'm starting to think
Prudence doesn't like me.
268
00:12:39,061 --> 00:12:39,778
Which is a pity
269
00:12:39,780 --> 00:12:41,834
'cause she's the only
woman I've ever loved.
270
00:12:42,428 --> 00:12:43,749
Yeah...
271
00:12:43,951 --> 00:12:45,951
Did you want to register to vote here?
272
00:12:50,257 --> 00:12:52,381
Can I vote for Prudence to love me?
273
00:12:52,826 --> 00:12:55,170
And less money for those bloody schools?
274
00:12:55,997 --> 00:12:58,430
Maybe it's time to move on from Prudence.
275
00:12:58,432 --> 00:13:00,866
I mean, you're a... catch.
276
00:13:03,336 --> 00:13:05,337
Nah, I'm... Am I?
277
00:13:06,998 --> 00:13:08,139
Do tell.
278
00:13:09,410 --> 00:13:12,332
Okay, um... well, you're tall.
279
00:13:12,334 --> 00:13:15,319
Hmm. And let's say, handsome.
280
00:13:16,514 --> 00:13:18,491
Aren't you my angel tonight?
281
00:13:18,803 --> 00:13:19,985
Look, I'll be whatever
you want if you just
282
00:13:19,987 --> 00:13:21,654
sign these divorce papers.
283
00:13:24,157 --> 00:13:26,158
I've always been suspicious of women.
284
00:13:27,961 --> 00:13:30,062
Like they're using me for something.
285
00:13:30,064 --> 00:13:31,530
But not a little something-something,
286
00:13:31,532 --> 00:13:34,033
if you know what I'm... Sex.
287
00:13:36,436 --> 00:13:39,572
Oh, not gonna use you for that, nope.
288
00:13:39,574 --> 00:13:42,508
But I'm sure a lot of women
would be lucky to have you.
289
00:13:42,510 --> 00:13:44,407
- Like you?
- Oh, boy.
290
00:13:46,274 --> 00:13:47,379
'Cause I've had my eye on you
291
00:13:47,381 --> 00:13:49,735
since you paid for my flight out here.
292
00:13:51,318 --> 00:13:53,319
Is it... mutual?
293
00:14:00,226 --> 00:14:02,428
I don't know. I, uh...
294
00:14:02,430 --> 00:14:03,896
I can't really commit to someone
295
00:14:03,898 --> 00:14:05,731
until I see their... signature.
296
00:14:05,733 --> 00:14:08,751
You kinky devil.
297
00:14:10,136 --> 00:14:12,071
- You're about to.
- Okay.
298
00:14:16,491 --> 00:14:17,558
Hmm?
299
00:14:30,824 --> 00:14:32,191
What do you mean you didn't get him
300
00:14:32,193 --> 00:14:33,692
to sign the divorce papers last night?
301
00:14:33,694 --> 00:14:35,871
Actually, I think Martin's moved on.
302
00:14:36,137 --> 00:14:36,962
On to what?
303
00:14:36,964 --> 00:14:38,152
'Ello, love! Oh.
304
00:14:39,901 --> 00:14:41,613
Mwah.
305
00:14:48,542 --> 00:14:50,175
Be a dear...
306
00:14:50,177 --> 00:14:52,878
whip up some breakfast for
me while I powder my peter.
307
00:14:54,047 --> 00:14:58,008
Sorry, Pruze. You snooze, you lose!
308
00:15:04,579 --> 00:15:06,747
I was just trying to
encourage Martin to move on.
309
00:15:06,781 --> 00:15:09,266
Luckily, he passed out
before he could move onto me.
310
00:15:11,892 --> 00:15:14,193
Actually, this might work for us.
311
00:15:14,228 --> 00:15:15,862
He's not into Prudence anymore,
312
00:15:15,896 --> 00:15:18,898
so all you have to do is
pretend to be straight,
313
00:15:18,932 --> 00:15:21,234
lead him on until he signs the papers.
314
00:15:23,303 --> 00:15:24,770
Just a little bit of flirting.
315
00:15:24,805 --> 00:15:26,639
Second base, max.
316
00:15:28,142 --> 00:15:31,210
Luke, ew, no! That is not my wheelhouse!
317
00:15:31,245 --> 00:15:32,879
Uhh!
318
00:15:32,913 --> 00:15:34,814
Lizzy, if I'm not divorced and re-married
319
00:15:34,848 --> 00:15:36,716
in four days, I'm gone.
320
00:15:36,750 --> 00:15:38,151
You gotta take one for the team.
321
00:15:38,185 --> 00:15:40,119
I don't play for that team!
322
00:15:42,589 --> 00:15:45,324
Okay, you don't have to play,
just show up to practice.
323
00:15:47,327 --> 00:15:49,295
Ah, all cleaned up.
324
00:15:49,329 --> 00:15:52,331
I, uh, improvised a bidet
in there... hope that's okay.
325
00:15:54,001 --> 00:15:56,502
Last night was fun, eh? Whoo-hoo!
326
00:15:56,537 --> 00:15:59,739
All I can remember is this
one calling me handsome
327
00:15:59,773 --> 00:16:03,158
and then, uh, things got a little hazy.
328
00:16:03,544 --> 00:16:05,511
Did we...
329
00:16:05,546 --> 00:16:07,994
Yeah, Lizzy, did you...
330
00:16:10,184 --> 00:16:12,318
Yeah, um...
331
00:16:12,352 --> 00:16:13,768
We had...
332
00:16:14,454 --> 00:16:16,389
boy-girl sex.
333
00:16:19,026 --> 00:16:22,395
And it was the best
boy-girl sex I've ever had.
334
00:16:23,697 --> 00:16:25,798
Ooh, that's gotta sting, Pru.
335
00:16:25,832 --> 00:16:28,346
Remember when we had boy-girl sex?
336
00:16:31,472 --> 00:16:33,539
I just don't think I can be with you again
337
00:16:33,574 --> 00:16:35,575
in a heterosexual way...
338
00:16:37,377 --> 00:16:39,812
as long as you're still
married to Prudence.
339
00:16:41,815 --> 00:16:43,850
Sorry, Pru, but I always thought
340
00:16:43,884 --> 00:16:46,187
I could do better than you, anyway.
341
00:16:47,054 --> 00:16:49,989
I'm about to slap the
accent right out your mouth.
342
00:16:52,259 --> 00:16:53,960
I never loved you, Martin.
343
00:16:53,994 --> 00:16:55,361
I was only using you to get out
344
00:16:55,396 --> 00:16:57,363
of a bad situation at home.
345
00:16:57,398 --> 00:16:58,631
Why else would I marry you after only
346
00:16:58,665 --> 00:17:00,500
knowing you for three days?
347
00:17:02,703 --> 00:17:04,804
That's just the jealousy talking.
348
00:17:04,838 --> 00:17:07,440
Hey, Lizzy, fancy
another British invasion?
349
00:17:10,210 --> 00:17:12,084
I don't think so, Marty.
350
00:17:12,513 --> 00:17:15,815
'Cause you just divorced
your wife for a lesbian!
351
00:17:15,849 --> 00:17:17,450
Boom!
352
00:17:21,818 --> 00:17:24,638
Wait, so what I'm hearing is...
353
00:17:25,560 --> 00:17:27,860
I bagged me a lesbian?!
354
00:17:30,431 --> 00:17:32,398
That is quite a coup.
355
00:17:32,432 --> 00:17:33,833
I gotta go call me mates!
356
00:17:33,867 --> 00:17:34,912
No!
357
00:17:35,669 --> 00:17:37,603
No, that's not what I'm saying!
358
00:17:37,638 --> 00:17:39,539
There was no invasion!
359
00:17:42,242 --> 00:17:45,444
Oh, my God, I'm divorced! I'm so relieved.
360
00:17:48,949 --> 00:17:50,138
Are you all right?
361
00:17:51,349 --> 00:17:53,486
We also got married after a couple days.
362
00:17:55,255 --> 00:17:57,657
Were you using me to get
out of a bad situation?
363
00:17:59,493 --> 00:18:02,994
Yeah, I know, totally gay.
364
00:18:03,373 --> 00:18:05,076
Well, not anymore.
365
00:18:05,899 --> 00:18:07,717
- You wanna say hi?
- No!
366
00:18:08,669 --> 00:18:09,869
All right, talk to you later, mate.
367
00:18:10,107 --> 00:18:11,370
So, here's what I'm thinking.
368
00:18:11,405 --> 00:18:13,539
I move in here, we summer in Splitwick.
369
00:18:13,574 --> 00:18:14,874
I don't have much pride, so I'm happy
370
00:18:14,908 --> 00:18:17,037
to stay home while you work.
371
00:18:17,978 --> 00:18:19,131
But I don't clean, I don't cook,
372
00:18:19,133 --> 00:18:20,912
and I definitely don't
want a bunch of stinky kids
373
00:18:20,914 --> 00:18:22,506
ruining your better bits.
374
00:18:26,186 --> 00:18:28,488
Oh, you... you don't want kids.
375
00:18:28,522 --> 00:18:29,755
No.
376
00:18:29,790 --> 00:18:31,924
Actually, that's gonna be a problem,
377
00:18:31,959 --> 00:18:35,595
because last night when
we were doing the... sex...
378
00:18:37,562 --> 00:18:39,405
I'm pretty sure you got me pregnant.
379
00:18:40,360 --> 00:18:43,035
What? Oh, no...
380
00:18:47,341 --> 00:18:49,509
I couldn't have put one
up your duff that fast.
381
00:18:51,390 --> 00:18:53,846
I'm just gonna go see if
I have a pregnancy test,
382
00:18:53,881 --> 00:18:56,315
'cause I'm pretty sure I
got some stuff in my duff.
383
00:18:58,318 --> 00:18:59,952
Okay, well, um...
384
00:18:59,987 --> 00:19:02,321
fingers crossed it's just sour stomach!
385
00:19:03,991 --> 00:19:05,825
Just a bit of the botty totty.
386
00:19:07,561 --> 00:19:10,029
I'm... I'm sorry, Prudence,
I don't know what to believe.
387
00:19:10,064 --> 00:19:12,432
First, you lied to me
about ever being married.
388
00:19:12,466 --> 00:19:13,933
And then I find out
389
00:19:13,967 --> 00:19:16,636
you married Voldemort
after three days also!
390
00:19:18,839 --> 00:19:21,641
Our situation is completely different.
391
00:19:21,675 --> 00:19:23,757
I married you after five!
392
00:19:25,212 --> 00:19:27,046
Oh, two extra days!
393
00:19:27,081 --> 00:19:28,915
Now I feel like a princess!
394
00:19:30,184 --> 00:19:32,075
Luke, I understand you're angry.
395
00:19:32,077 --> 00:19:33,219
Just let me explain.
396
00:19:33,253 --> 00:19:35,722
There's nothing to
explain. This is a pattern.
397
00:19:35,756 --> 00:19:37,123
You marry the first sucker you meet
398
00:19:37,157 --> 00:19:38,991
to solve your problems!
399
00:19:40,694 --> 00:19:43,476
Did you marry me because you
were about to be deported?
400
00:19:43,997 --> 00:19:46,999
Luke, I didn't use you
to stay in the country.
401
00:19:47,034 --> 00:19:50,570
I wanted to stay in the
country so I could be with you.
402
00:19:50,604 --> 00:19:52,538
You know what we have is real,
403
00:19:52,573 --> 00:19:54,312
and you know that I love you.
404
00:19:55,241 --> 00:19:58,111
Is exactly what you would say
if you were using somebody.
405
00:19:59,580 --> 00:20:00,980
Luke, please!
406
00:20:01,014 --> 00:20:02,280
You have to believe me.
407
00:20:02,282 --> 00:20:03,716
Actually, I don't.
408
00:20:03,884 --> 00:20:05,685
I just have to get out of here.
409
00:20:10,190 --> 00:20:12,191
This is a bunch of measuring spoons.
410
00:20:13,694 --> 00:20:15,429
These are my keys!
411
00:20:20,100 --> 00:20:23,870
Martin, someone's gonna be a daddy!
412
00:20:26,106 --> 00:20:27,507
Martin?
413
00:20:27,541 --> 00:20:29,569
Wow, that was fast.
414
00:20:31,712 --> 00:20:33,012
Martin's gone!
415
00:20:33,046 --> 00:20:35,214
- So is Luke.
- What?
416
00:20:35,921 --> 00:20:38,017
He's convinced I was using him.
417
00:20:38,051 --> 00:20:39,929
He's really upset. He's just took off.
418
00:20:39,930 --> 00:20:41,007
Where did he go?
419
00:20:42,172 --> 00:20:44,319
- I don't know.
- Ohh.
420
00:20:46,882 --> 00:20:48,882
So what you're saying is
421
00:20:49,375 --> 00:20:51,375
it's just you and me now.
422
00:20:58,343 --> 00:21:00,343
It's just you and me.
423
00:21:02,100 --> 00:21:04,100
I'm gonna see how far Martin got. No?
424
00:21:05,935 --> 00:21:08,032
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