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1
00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:41,400
Lilly's throwing
a fit out in the car.
2
00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:43,130
She wants us to hurry.
3
00:02:14,660 --> 00:02:16,000
What are you doing?
4
00:02:17,230 --> 00:02:19,300
Having fun.
5
00:02:19,300 --> 00:02:20,670
Join in.
6
00:03:21,260 --> 00:03:22,470
Come on, Zack.
7
00:03:22,470 --> 00:03:24,170
Enjoy the ride.
8
00:04:13,180 --> 00:04:14,550
Zack?
9
00:04:14,550 --> 00:04:15,920
Hello?
10
00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:17,320
Are you listening?
11
00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:18,520
Huh?
12
00:04:18,520 --> 00:04:20,460
Sorry, I was just thinking
13
00:04:20,460 --> 00:04:22,390
about this gay resort
we're going to.
14
00:04:22,390 --> 00:04:24,730
You make it sound
like a bad thing.
15
00:04:24,730 --> 00:04:26,730
We won a free vacation,
16
00:04:26,730 --> 00:04:28,600
and it's gay.
17
00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:30,170
What more could you want?
18
00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:35,500
Is it the open thing?
19
00:04:35,500 --> 00:04:36,910
We talked about this.
20
00:04:36,910 --> 00:04:39,740
I know.
21
00:04:39,740 --> 00:04:41,580
It's just for the weekend,
22
00:04:41,580 --> 00:04:43,350
but I'm nervous.
23
00:04:43,350 --> 00:04:46,750
I mean, I was always
the last one picked in gym class.
24
00:04:46,750 --> 00:04:48,580
I don't want to lose you,
25
00:04:48,580 --> 00:04:50,250
but it's something
that's in my gut.
26
00:04:50,250 --> 00:04:54,120
I'm just not ready
to limit myself sexually.
27
00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:58,460
So if we can't do this,
we should just be honest
28
00:04:58,460 --> 00:05:00,760
and break up.
29
00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:02,100
I don't want to break up.
30
00:05:02,100 --> 00:05:04,470
I don't either.
31
00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:09,510
And I do like sex.
32
00:05:09,510 --> 00:05:12,810
Picture the entire
Manhunt website
33
00:05:12,810 --> 00:05:14,880
stuffed into one hotel.
34
00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:17,680
We could have so much fun...
35
00:05:17,680 --> 00:05:19,850
together.
36
00:05:19,850 --> 00:05:21,480
It's just that sleeping
with other guys
37
00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:23,250
is not how I imagined
my relationship.
38
00:05:23,250 --> 00:05:26,860
Come on.
Its one open weekend.
39
00:05:26,860 --> 00:05:28,590
At least try it.
40
00:05:31,490 --> 00:05:33,460
Okay.
41
00:05:33,460 --> 00:05:36,370
One open weekend.
42
00:05:36,370 --> 00:05:37,670
Yay.
43
00:05:37,670 --> 00:05:39,500
I lurve you.
44
00:05:39,500 --> 00:05:40,840
I lurve you, too.
45
00:05:42,140 --> 00:05:43,470
You guys need to talk?
46
00:05:44,670 --> 00:05:47,910
♪♪
47
00:05:47,910 --> 00:05:49,750
♪ We can dance,
we can dance ♪
48
00:05:49,750 --> 00:05:51,480
♪ We can dance all night ♪
49
00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:53,480
♪ We can dance,
we can dance ♪
50
00:05:53,480 --> 00:05:56,350
♪ We can dance all night ♪
51
00:05:56,350 --> 00:05:59,690
♪ Tonight is the night
I'm gonna make you mine ♪
52
00:05:59,690 --> 00:06:01,860
♪ There's a feeling
in the air ♪
53
00:06:01,860 --> 00:06:03,890
♪ I can't deny ♪
54
00:06:03,890 --> 00:06:05,500
♪ Tonight we're gonna dance ♪
55
00:06:05,500 --> 00:06:07,930
♪ I'll be your partner
in crime ♪
56
00:06:07,930 --> 00:06:09,930
♪ Got me on another level ♪
57
00:06:09,930 --> 00:06:11,700
♪ I'll show you what I ♪
58
00:06:11,700 --> 00:06:15,840
♪ When I touch you,
my hands catch fire ♪
59
00:06:15,840 --> 00:06:18,310
♪ I can't stop dancing ♪
60
00:06:18,310 --> 00:06:20,240
♪ Take me higher ♪
61
00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:24,180
♪ Feel so good,
I think I'm flying ♪
62
00:06:24,180 --> 00:06:26,120
♪ Put your hands up ♪
63
00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:28,080
♪ Let's go higher ♪
64
00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:32,020
♪ Take my hand
and hold on tight ♪
65
00:06:32,020 --> 00:06:36,330
♪ 'Cause when I'm with you,
it feels so right ♪
66
00:06:36,330 --> 00:06:37,890
♪ Don't let go ♪
67
00:06:37,890 --> 00:06:39,630
♪ Let's dance all night ♪
68
00:06:39,630 --> 00:06:41,800
♪ We can dance,
we can dance ♪
69
00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:44,400
♪ We can dance all night ♪
70
00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:47,800
♪ Take my hand
and hold on tight ♪
71
00:06:47,800 --> 00:06:52,140
♪ 'Cause when I'm with you,
it feels so right ♪
72
00:06:52,140 --> 00:06:53,640
♪ Don't let go ♪
73
00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:55,610
♪ Let's dance all night ♪
74
00:06:55,610 --> 00:06:57,810
♪ We can dance,
we can dance ♪
75
00:06:57,810 --> 00:07:00,180
♪ We can dance all night ♪
76
00:07:00,180 --> 00:07:03,590
♪ Take my hand
and hold on tight ♪
77
00:07:03,590 --> 00:07:08,290
♪ When I'm with you,
it feels so right ♪
78
00:07:08,290 --> 00:07:09,630
♪ Don't let go ♪
79
00:07:09,630 --> 00:07:11,590
♪ Let's dance all night ♪
80
00:07:11,590 --> 00:07:13,460
♪ We can dance,
we can dance ♪
81
00:07:13,460 --> 00:07:16,130
♪ We can dance all night ♪
82
00:07:21,270 --> 00:07:22,770
Just my luck
to win a free vacation
83
00:07:22,770 --> 00:07:25,170
to a resort
that's totally gayified.
84
00:07:25,170 --> 00:07:27,080
I know.
85
00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:28,440
Remember when I asked
86
00:07:28,440 --> 00:07:30,650
what could possibly be gayer
than Drama Camp?
87
00:07:30,650 --> 00:07:31,850
Screw you, too.
88
00:07:31,850 --> 00:07:34,150
- Excuse me?
- Look around.
89
00:07:34,150 --> 00:07:35,790
You're in fucking paradise,
surrounded by beautiful men.
90
00:07:35,790 --> 00:07:37,190
And it's free.
91
00:07:37,190 --> 00:07:39,390
Now drop your uppity
Katy Perry attitudes,
92
00:07:39,390 --> 00:07:43,590
or the computer
might accidentally eat your reservations.
93
00:07:43,590 --> 00:07:44,860
You're right.
94
00:07:44,860 --> 00:07:47,730
I'll just uh tie a flashlight
to my head,
95
00:07:47,730 --> 00:07:49,070
act like Lady Gaga,
96
00:07:49,070 --> 00:07:50,400
and the men will flock to me.
97
00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:52,340
Now, that's the spirit.
98
00:07:52,340 --> 00:07:54,370
And here they are.
99
00:07:54,370 --> 00:07:55,870
I think the batteries are dead.
100
00:07:55,870 --> 00:07:58,270
You know that's not
a flashlight, right?
101
00:08:00,780 --> 00:08:04,110
Now, that is how you attract
the boys around here--
102
00:08:04,110 --> 00:08:05,880
With sweet, sweet nectar.
103
00:08:09,420 --> 00:08:11,050
Oh, come on Casey.
104
00:08:11,050 --> 00:08:13,990
If I wasn't me, I'd totally
be laughing right now.
105
00:08:13,990 --> 00:08:15,590
What's wrong with you?
106
00:08:15,590 --> 00:08:19,430
My ex-boyfriend
and his new boyfriend just texted.
107
00:08:19,430 --> 00:08:23,030
They're here staying in Room 3.
108
00:08:23,030 --> 00:08:24,600
Your keys.
109
00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:28,300
Room 4.
110
00:08:28,300 --> 00:08:29,910
Hey, I'm supposed to get
my own room.
111
00:08:29,910 --> 00:08:32,210
And I'm supposed to be nice
to customers.
112
00:08:32,210 --> 00:08:34,210
- Next!
- What? Wait.
113
00:08:34,210 --> 00:08:36,150
If you're gonna cry
like Baby Jesus,
114
00:08:36,150 --> 00:08:37,910
I can put you out back
in the manger.
115
00:08:37,910 --> 00:08:40,220
Oh, my God, we share a bed.
116
00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:42,850
Welcome to the Triangle Inn.
117
00:08:42,850 --> 00:08:45,660
Eh, Eh.
Come on.
118
00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:49,160
You have really nice energy.
119
00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:57,870
Well, at least Zack
will be with his boyfriend,
120
00:08:57,870 --> 00:09:01,400
so you don't have to watch
him whore it up with a...
121
00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:04,870
never ending parade
of man-whores with muscles
122
00:09:04,870 --> 00:09:06,280
and huge sacks of ball-age.
123
00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:08,110
I'm ready to leave. Now.
124
00:09:08,110 --> 00:09:10,050
No, Casey you can't!
125
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:11,550
This is too much for me.
126
00:09:11,550 --> 00:09:16,690
I need to call some
more experienced fag hags.
127
00:09:19,790 --> 00:09:21,290
Hello?
128
00:09:21,290 --> 00:09:22,430
This better be good.
129
00:09:22,430 --> 00:09:23,890
Casey's wussing out
130
00:09:23,890 --> 00:09:25,160
because Zack's here,
131
00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:26,430
and there's lots
of hot guys, too.
132
00:09:26,430 --> 00:09:27,860
Do I even know you?
133
00:09:27,860 --> 00:09:30,900
Honey, just pretend
he doesn't exist.
134
00:09:30,900 --> 00:09:33,400
Gays do that all the time
to with their exes.
135
00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:35,270
It's the mature thing to do.
136
00:09:35,270 --> 00:09:37,210
I can't ignore him.
137
00:09:37,210 --> 00:09:39,810
He wants to work on our
friendship this weekend.
138
00:09:39,810 --> 00:09:41,740
He wants us to normalize.
139
00:09:41,740 --> 00:09:43,950
It's like when you put
a new fish in the tank,
140
00:09:43,950 --> 00:09:45,780
you have to keep it
in the bag for a while
141
00:09:45,780 --> 00:09:47,250
so the others
don't eat its eyes.
142
00:09:47,250 --> 00:09:48,880
Girl voice, hush.
143
00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:51,390
Casey, just be his friend
144
00:09:51,390 --> 00:09:52,960
and have an obnoxious
amount of fun.
145
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:56,430
Show that assgoblin
what he's missing.
146
00:09:56,430 --> 00:09:58,060
You can't be friends
after a break-up.
147
00:09:58,060 --> 00:10:02,100
I thought you told him
that you wanted to be friends.
148
00:10:02,100 --> 00:10:03,600
Everyone says that.
149
00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:04,970
It's just so you can go
around telling people
150
00:10:04,970 --> 00:10:06,400
you're still friends.
151
00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:08,370
Wait, whose side did I take
in this break up?
152
00:10:08,370 --> 00:10:09,810
Do I even like you?
153
00:10:09,810 --> 00:10:10,970
You took my side.
154
00:10:10,970 --> 00:10:12,110
You knew me first.
155
00:10:12,110 --> 00:10:13,510
Oh, is that how that works?
156
00:10:13,510 --> 00:10:17,510
Look, honey, this weekend
is not about Zack.
157
00:10:17,510 --> 00:10:20,020
Just concentrate on having
a really good time.
158
00:10:20,020 --> 00:10:22,390
Aunt Helen,
are you having sex in my bed?
159
00:10:22,390 --> 00:10:24,520
I wouldn't call it sex.
160
00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:27,890
The best thing to do is to find someone
hotter than Zack and fuck him.
161
00:10:27,890 --> 00:10:30,160
And what are you doing?
162
00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:32,400
It's a long story.
163
00:10:32,400 --> 00:10:33,860
I'll explain it in the sequel.
164
00:10:33,860 --> 00:10:35,030
Gotta go.
165
00:10:35,030 --> 00:10:37,500
Bye.
166
00:10:40,740 --> 00:10:44,240
So I guess my goal this weekend
167
00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:45,980
is to stay distracted.
168
00:10:45,980 --> 00:10:49,040
My goal is to watch
two men have sex.
169
00:10:49,040 --> 00:10:50,410
You've seen that.
170
00:10:50,410 --> 00:10:52,550
It doesn't count
when it's on stage.
171
00:10:52,550 --> 00:10:54,820
Here it's like I'm on a safari
172
00:10:54,820 --> 00:10:57,950
watching lions and gazelles
tear each other up
173
00:10:57,950 --> 00:11:01,020
in a frenzy of flesh
and spermicidal lubricant.
174
00:11:01,020 --> 00:11:04,260
Wouldn't you actually
rather just have sex?
175
00:11:04,260 --> 00:11:06,260
What, with a gay man?
176
00:11:06,260 --> 00:11:09,430
And wind up with
a vagina full of vomit?
177
00:11:09,430 --> 00:11:12,700
Been there.
178
00:11:12,700 --> 00:11:15,940
Oh my God, my straight-dar
just went off.
179
00:11:15,940 --> 00:11:18,880
Maybe I could lose
my virginity on this trip.
180
00:11:20,540 --> 00:11:22,410
Tell me what happened,
181
00:11:22,410 --> 00:11:24,110
but I'm gonna stop you
if I get bored.
182
00:11:24,110 --> 00:11:26,720
He doesn't want to limit
himself sexually.
183
00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:28,480
How Catholic.
184
00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:33,290
Miami Beach or Black Giraffe.
185
00:11:33,290 --> 00:11:36,360
Which says "Look at me"
without saying "desperate for attention"?
186
00:11:38,060 --> 00:11:39,530
I ordered cocktails.
187
00:11:39,530 --> 00:11:40,900
I figured we'd need them.
188
00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:45,900
Why, hello.
189
00:11:45,900 --> 00:11:47,300
How are you?
190
00:11:47,300 --> 00:11:49,000
Heterosexual.
191
00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:51,010
How about you?
192
00:11:51,010 --> 00:11:52,810
I am straight, yes.
193
00:11:52,810 --> 00:11:55,080
I wasn't expecting
any of that here.
194
00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:57,410
Well, I'm full of surprises.
195
00:11:57,410 --> 00:11:59,050
- Are you flirting with me?
- Should I stop?
196
00:11:59,050 --> 00:12:01,450
Only if it doesn't work.
197
00:12:01,450 --> 00:12:02,990
Lilly, come on.
198
00:12:02,990 --> 00:12:05,890
Sorry, I have to go feed
my gayby.
199
00:12:11,590 --> 00:12:13,000
It's like cock roulette
out here.
200
00:12:14,430 --> 00:12:16,770
You should have no problem
finding a rebound.
201
00:12:16,770 --> 00:12:18,530
Hmm. I don't do rebounds.
202
00:12:18,530 --> 00:12:20,870
Rebounds are my specialty.
203
00:12:20,870 --> 00:12:23,110
- Peter?
- Casey.
204
00:12:23,110 --> 00:12:24,840
I thought that was you.
205
00:12:24,840 --> 00:12:26,780
What are you doing here?
I didn't know you were gay.
206
00:12:26,780 --> 00:12:29,140
What are you doing here?
I didn't know you were a slut.
207
00:12:29,140 --> 00:12:31,080
Oh, my God, this is crazy.
208
00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:33,280
Umm. In high school, he was--
209
00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:34,580
The homophobic jock?
210
00:12:34,580 --> 00:12:36,090
I've seen Glee.
211
00:12:36,090 --> 00:12:39,120
God, I wish.
I was fat.
212
00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:40,220
- No.
- And shy.
213
00:12:40,220 --> 00:12:43,460
When did you get so-- so hot?
214
00:12:43,460 --> 00:12:44,560
In college.
215
00:12:44,560 --> 00:12:45,800
I turned gay,
216
00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:49,670
I got rid of my braces,
and I got these.
217
00:12:49,670 --> 00:12:50,500
Wow.
218
00:12:50,500 --> 00:12:52,940
Is that, like, a 50-pack?
219
00:12:52,940 --> 00:12:54,300
Feel them.
220
00:12:54,300 --> 00:12:56,840
Its like The Situation,
just without the scabies.
221
00:12:56,840 --> 00:12:58,670
Oh, cool.
222
00:12:58,670 --> 00:13:02,310
Is it me, or does something
smell really cummy?
223
00:13:02,310 --> 00:13:05,080
So, Peter, are you single?
224
00:13:05,080 --> 00:13:07,180
What's the point of coming
to a place like this
225
00:13:07,180 --> 00:13:08,450
if you're not single?
226
00:13:08,450 --> 00:13:10,220
Casey's single, too.
227
00:13:10,220 --> 00:13:11,820
Oh, my God.
228
00:13:11,820 --> 00:13:14,990
You and I are gonna get
into so much trouble.
229
00:13:14,990 --> 00:13:17,730
Anyway, I gotta go meet
with a buddy
230
00:13:17,730 --> 00:13:18,730
to play some strip tennis,
231
00:13:18,730 --> 00:13:20,960
but tonight, sarong party.
232
00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:22,400
I will find you.
233
00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:24,400
I will make sure I'm findable.
234
00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:27,540
So amazing seeing you, Casey.
235
00:13:27,540 --> 00:13:29,570
I used to have
the biggest crush on this one.
236
00:13:33,810 --> 00:13:36,850
He totally wants you
inside of--
237
00:13:36,850 --> 00:13:39,950
He wants the Million Man March
inside of him.
238
00:13:39,950 --> 00:13:41,720
Aw, poor thing.
239
00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:43,650
Let's go get you to our room
240
00:13:43,650 --> 00:13:46,420
and download some
"It Gets Better" videos.
241
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:51,230
So tell me, what are the rules
to this open relationship?
242
00:13:51,230 --> 00:13:52,860
Well, we're just trying it
for the weekend,
243
00:13:52,860 --> 00:13:54,430
but other than that
we don't have any rules.
244
00:13:54,430 --> 00:13:57,070
You need to have rules,
or someone's gonna get hurt,
245
00:13:57,070 --> 00:14:00,000
like do you kiss and tell,
three-ways only?
246
00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:01,700
Is he allowed
to get punch fucked
247
00:14:01,700 --> 00:14:04,040
by hairy strangers
right here in your bed?
248
00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:06,980
- You know the worst part?
- STDs?
249
00:14:06,980 --> 00:14:10,310
I have to compete
with my own boyfriend to meet guys,
250
00:14:10,310 --> 00:14:14,250
and he'll win every time
because he's the hot one.
251
00:14:14,250 --> 00:14:16,720
Now I know how Casey felt
when he was dating me.
252
00:14:18,750 --> 00:14:22,160
- Well, I got good news.
- What?
253
00:14:22,160 --> 00:14:26,630
I finally got the date
on my surgery.
254
00:14:26,630 --> 00:14:29,000
The big one.
255
00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:30,700
The lower one.
256
00:14:30,700 --> 00:14:34,240
- Make a face like that again.
- Sorry.
257
00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:35,670
Congratulations.
258
00:14:35,670 --> 00:14:37,710
That's huge.
259
00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:39,440
Way more important
than my drama.
260
00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:41,280
Thank you.
261
00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:44,850
So do you really think
it's going to change everything?
262
00:14:44,850 --> 00:14:48,020
In my mind I know
it's just a simple procedure
263
00:14:48,020 --> 00:14:50,920
and a lot of people won't
even know the difference,
264
00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:56,090
but I feel like when I wake up
from this,
265
00:14:56,090 --> 00:14:57,560
I'll finally be me.
266
00:14:59,930 --> 00:15:02,660
- Well, then let's celebrate.
- Yes.
267
00:15:02,660 --> 00:15:06,230
This weekend will be
a cock-and-ball funeral.
268
00:15:06,230 --> 00:15:08,540
Let's find that straight boy
and get more drinks.
269
00:15:10,640 --> 00:15:12,180
Ooh, baby.
270
00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:21,720
There are so many hot guys here.
271
00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:24,520
Okay, we need to lay down
some rules.
272
00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:25,820
Rules?
273
00:15:25,820 --> 00:15:27,890
Yeah, like no hooking up
in our bed.
274
00:15:27,890 --> 00:15:30,090
Technically, it's not our bed.
275
00:15:30,090 --> 00:15:31,760
Benji.
276
00:15:31,760 --> 00:15:34,860
Okay, I just don't get
why you need rules.
277
00:15:34,860 --> 00:15:36,070
It's our right as gay men
278
00:15:36,070 --> 00:15:39,030
to make any kind
of relationship we want.
279
00:15:39,030 --> 00:15:40,600
If they're not gonna let us
get married,
280
00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:43,070
why should we follow
their rules?
281
00:15:43,070 --> 00:15:45,770
Non-monogamy
is the ultimate political statement.
282
00:15:45,770 --> 00:15:47,710
Uh, I don't see
how two dicks in your mouth
283
00:15:47,710 --> 00:15:49,080
is a political statement.
284
00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:51,550
We owe it to future generations.
285
00:15:56,450 --> 00:15:57,850
Casey's here.
286
00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:01,060
Operation Awkward.
287
00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:08,530
Okay, rule number two--
288
00:16:10,070 --> 00:16:12,300
No ex-boyfriends.
289
00:16:12,300 --> 00:16:13,800
I'll see you later.
290
00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:18,110
I'm not pathetic.
291
00:16:18,110 --> 00:16:20,440
I'm having the best time
of my life,
292
00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:22,810
and I am a total 7.
293
00:16:25,950 --> 00:16:27,920
Hey, Zack.
294
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:30,390
Oh, wow, I love your--
295
00:16:30,390 --> 00:16:32,260
Uh, chest hair.
296
00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:35,520
God, I've missed you.
297
00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:36,560
How're you doing?
298
00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:37,990
Um, me?
299
00:16:37,990 --> 00:16:40,200
I'm--
300
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:42,400
I'm great, actually.
301
00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:45,800
How can you not be
with all these studs around, you know?
302
00:16:45,800 --> 00:16:47,600
Yeah, lots of studs.
303
00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:50,610
Oh, just throwing
themselves at me--
304
00:16:50,610 --> 00:16:51,810
How could I resist?
305
00:16:51,810 --> 00:16:54,140
You met someone already?
306
00:16:54,140 --> 00:16:58,050
Well, I guess I'm kind
of a dick magnet.
307
00:16:58,050 --> 00:17:00,050
I never thought of you
as a hook-up guy.
308
00:17:00,050 --> 00:17:02,390
Oh, this wasn't just a hook up.
309
00:17:02,390 --> 00:17:05,650
We-- We really
just hit it off.
310
00:17:05,650 --> 00:17:08,320
Oh.
311
00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:09,730
Where's your Casanova now?
312
00:17:09,730 --> 00:17:14,300
He's-- He's sleeping.
313
00:17:14,300 --> 00:17:15,530
Guess I wore him out.
314
00:17:15,530 --> 00:17:19,840
Wow. That's great.
315
00:17:19,840 --> 00:17:22,370
We should do a double date
while we're here.
316
00:17:22,370 --> 00:17:25,470
Yeah. Oh, definitely.
317
00:17:25,470 --> 00:17:28,880
Ah, so how are you and Benji?
318
00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:31,610
Having a good time?
319
00:17:31,610 --> 00:17:34,550
- The best.
- Great.
320
00:17:34,550 --> 00:17:36,850
So tomorrow, brunch?
321
00:17:36,850 --> 00:17:40,520
- Huh?
- Double date with your new boo?
322
00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:41,860
Um, yeah.
323
00:17:41,860 --> 00:17:44,260
Sure. Sure...
324
00:17:44,260 --> 00:17:45,490
Awesome.
325
00:17:45,490 --> 00:17:47,500
See? We can do this.
326
00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:48,970
Be friends.
327
00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:52,170
Friendship rocks.
328
00:18:02,310 --> 00:18:05,780
- This is the perfect place to
find your meat puppet. - My what?
329
00:18:05,780 --> 00:18:07,080
Some big dumb jock
330
00:18:07,080 --> 00:18:08,950
who will pretend to be
in love with you
331
00:18:08,950 --> 00:18:12,690
for a free brunch
and some rebound MuMa.
332
00:18:12,690 --> 00:18:15,190
- MuMa?
- Mutual Masturbation.
333
00:18:15,190 --> 00:18:17,230
Even I knew that.
334
00:18:17,230 --> 00:18:20,700
What about... him?
335
00:18:22,530 --> 00:18:23,670
Oh, he's cute.
336
00:18:23,670 --> 00:18:25,840
I'd definitely MuMa him.
337
00:18:30,140 --> 00:18:32,510
He's not wearing any underwear.
338
00:18:32,510 --> 00:18:36,310
None of them are.
It's customary, I think.
339
00:18:36,310 --> 00:18:38,080
So I can just run around
340
00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:40,620
accidentally fondling
big shiny ding dongs?
341
00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:42,390
I think they'd be insulted
if you didn't.
342
00:18:45,420 --> 00:18:49,690
You are the hottest guy here.
343
00:18:51,030 --> 00:18:53,960
Okay, okay.
344
00:18:56,830 --> 00:18:59,570
You are the hottest guy here.
345
00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:03,270
Is it bad that I want him
to say that to me again?
346
00:19:04,170 --> 00:19:05,810
You can almost see the crabs
347
00:19:05,810 --> 00:19:07,780
leaping from one torso
to the other.
348
00:19:07,780 --> 00:19:13,050
- Jerry?
- In the very loose flesh.
349
00:19:13,050 --> 00:19:15,720
This is Bernard, my fiancé.
350
00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:18,690
- Hello.
- I'm Penny, hag-in-training.
351
00:19:18,690 --> 00:19:20,390
Fiancé- wow.
352
00:19:20,390 --> 00:19:22,290
We're getting legally married
this weekend.
353
00:19:22,290 --> 00:19:23,530
What?
354
00:19:23,530 --> 00:19:26,560
You haven't heard about
the Liberace Loophole?
355
00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:28,400
Who's Liberace?
356
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:30,470
Think George Michael,
only sluttier.
357
00:19:30,470 --> 00:19:32,130
Who's George Michael?
358
00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:35,140
Think Adam Lambert,
but with plastic surgery and success.
359
00:19:35,140 --> 00:19:36,570
Oh, okay.
360
00:19:36,570 --> 00:19:39,640
Anyway, because of some
legislative screw-up,
361
00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:41,010
there's a one hour window
362
00:19:41,010 --> 00:19:42,750
in which it will be
legally permissible
363
00:19:42,750 --> 00:19:44,350
for gays to marry.
364
00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:46,250
We're staying over
at the Hacienda resort
365
00:19:46,250 --> 00:19:48,380
and they're offering
free weddings
366
00:19:48,380 --> 00:19:50,850
for any couple who wants
to take advantage of the opening.
367
00:19:50,850 --> 00:19:52,590
I love to taking advantage
of openings.
368
00:19:52,590 --> 00:19:54,460
As you can see,
369
00:19:54,460 --> 00:19:57,990
he shares my inappropriate
and pedestrian sense of humor.
370
00:19:57,990 --> 00:19:59,530
Well, I totally be
your flower girl.
371
00:19:59,530 --> 00:20:02,100
Where's that strapping young
boyfriend of yours?
372
00:20:02,100 --> 00:20:05,770
Um, it's-- it's a long story.
373
00:20:05,770 --> 00:20:08,000
Oh, honey, what happened?
374
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:10,670
I thought you were as steady
as Barack and Michelle.
375
00:20:10,670 --> 00:20:13,140
Well, he's...
376
00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:16,380
here.
Gotta go.
377
00:20:20,420 --> 00:20:23,520
- Youth.
- The trolls of tomorrow.
378
00:20:30,030 --> 00:20:32,130
What're you doing to my dick?
379
00:20:32,130 --> 00:20:33,030
Nothing.
380
00:20:33,030 --> 00:20:36,830
Peter, here's the deal.
381
00:20:36,830 --> 00:20:38,330
Oh, God, those abs.
382
00:20:38,330 --> 00:20:40,100
Casey did a really stupid thing
383
00:20:40,100 --> 00:20:42,170
and lied to his ex
that he met someone here
384
00:20:42,170 --> 00:20:43,710
because he didn't want
to look like the loser
385
00:20:43,710 --> 00:20:45,310
that he may very well be,
386
00:20:45,310 --> 00:20:47,810
so we need you to pretend
to be Casey's boyfriend.
387
00:20:47,810 --> 00:20:49,650
No way.
388
00:20:49,650 --> 00:20:51,310
I'm here to get my sex on.
389
00:20:51,310 --> 00:20:53,220
Please, for old time's sake?
390
00:20:53,220 --> 00:20:54,720
We didn't hang out at all
in high school.
391
00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:58,390
So you've got
a lot of catching up to do.
392
00:20:58,390 --> 00:21:00,660
Look, I'm all
for hooking with you.
393
00:21:00,660 --> 00:21:02,860
But I'm not in a place
where I can date right now,
394
00:21:02,860 --> 00:21:05,560
pretend or otherwise.
395
00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:09,100
Wait, you're
all for hooking up with me?
396
00:21:11,370 --> 00:21:14,140
Shit.
397
00:21:14,140 --> 00:21:16,200
Is this your new boyfriend?
398
00:21:17,910 --> 00:21:19,480
Um...
399
00:21:21,010 --> 00:21:23,250
Hi, I'm Peter.
400
00:21:23,250 --> 00:21:25,650
I'm Zack.
This is my--
401
00:21:25,650 --> 00:21:27,650
Benji.
402
00:21:27,650 --> 00:21:30,750
Your dish towel's slipping.
403
00:21:30,750 --> 00:21:32,220
Oh, yeah, it is.
404
00:21:32,220 --> 00:21:34,020
Are we on for tomorrow morning?
405
00:21:34,020 --> 00:21:36,120
Uh, I don't know.
406
00:21:36,120 --> 00:21:38,260
Are we free
for brunch tomorrow, baby?
407
00:21:38,260 --> 00:21:40,660
As long as it starts
after 3:00 p.m.
408
00:21:40,660 --> 00:21:43,330
'Cause we'll be up
all night making love.
409
00:21:43,330 --> 00:21:44,630
Right, lover?
410
00:21:44,630 --> 00:21:48,070
Something like that,
my sweet little asshole.
411
00:21:48,070 --> 00:21:50,540
Great.
Well, we're gonna go dance.
412
00:21:58,650 --> 00:22:02,220
You are so buying me drinks
the rest of the weekend.
413
00:22:09,320 --> 00:22:11,990
♪ Fingers to the head,
to the toes ♪
414
00:22:11,990 --> 00:22:13,730
♪ Like some kind of rose ♪
415
00:22:13,730 --> 00:22:17,830
♪ Like something
you'd notice ♪
416
00:22:17,830 --> 00:22:20,000
♪ In a room full of confusion ♪
417
00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:23,510
♪ And illusion
and delusion ♪
418
00:22:23,510 --> 00:22:26,240
♪ There's someone saying
something to you ♪
419
00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:28,210
♪ But what can you do?
420
00:22:28,210 --> 00:22:31,980
♪ You're just hoping
and hoping ♪
421
00:22:31,980 --> 00:22:33,750
♪ But a rose is just a rose ♪
422
00:22:33,750 --> 00:22:35,780
♪ Until she's
underneath your nose ♪
423
00:22:35,780 --> 00:22:39,120
♪ And you see her
in the room ♪
424
00:22:39,120 --> 00:22:42,560
♪ And you smell
her perfume ♪
425
00:22:42,560 --> 00:22:48,160
♪ What a fuss, and she's
just the one for us ♪
426
00:22:48,160 --> 00:22:51,300
♪ You're taking it
in stride, but you know ♪
427
00:22:51,300 --> 00:22:56,770
♪ That people you know
are beginning to notice ♪
428
00:22:56,770 --> 00:23:02,440
♪ Your words full of confusion
and illusion and delusion ♪
429
00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:05,310
♪ And the girl you brought
to party with you ♪
430
00:23:05,310 --> 00:23:08,550
- Have fun?
- Yeah.
431
00:23:08,550 --> 00:23:09,990
Busy steam room here.
432
00:23:09,990 --> 00:23:12,850
How bout you?
433
00:23:12,850 --> 00:23:14,420
Yep.
434
00:23:17,490 --> 00:23:22,000
Oh, really?
You met someone?
435
00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:23,470
Mm...
436
00:23:23,470 --> 00:23:26,640
Well, congratulations, tramp.
437
00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:29,670
Hey, maybe we can get
a little threesome going?
438
00:23:32,940 --> 00:23:34,710
I saw you come out of that room.
439
00:23:34,710 --> 00:23:37,610
I can't believe you had
a threesome before brunch.
440
00:23:37,610 --> 00:23:40,280
Oh, my God, a gay guy's acting slutty.
Call TMZ.
441
00:23:40,280 --> 00:23:42,150
Just be careful, all right?
442
00:23:42,150 --> 00:23:44,590
If Zack sees you with someone
who isn't me, it's all over.
443
00:23:44,590 --> 00:23:46,250
Come on.
We're late for brunch.
444
00:23:46,250 --> 00:23:48,460
I haven't showered.
Do I smell like sex?
445
00:23:48,460 --> 00:23:50,560
Everything here smells like sex.
446
00:23:54,300 --> 00:23:55,930
We should get married.
447
00:23:55,930 --> 00:23:57,670
What?
448
00:23:57,670 --> 00:24:01,270
They're doing those legal
weddings for one hour tomorrow.
449
00:24:01,270 --> 00:24:02,940
The more gay couples who marry,
450
00:24:02,940 --> 00:24:04,870
the bigger
the impact on society.
451
00:24:04,870 --> 00:24:07,940
We should get married
to make a political statement.
452
00:24:07,940 --> 00:24:10,250
Yesterday you wanted
to have an orgy
453
00:24:10,250 --> 00:24:11,880
to make a political statement.
454
00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:13,220
Now you want to get married?
455
00:24:13,220 --> 00:24:14,750
What's wrong?
456
00:24:14,750 --> 00:24:16,520
You've been acting like
Kristen Stewart all morning.
457
00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:18,090
I'm fine.
458
00:24:18,090 --> 00:24:21,320
No, I know that Zacky pout...
459
00:24:21,320 --> 00:24:22,890
You wanna know what's wrong?
460
00:24:22,890 --> 00:24:25,730
- I'm upset because--
- Hey, you guys.
461
00:24:25,730 --> 00:24:27,360
Here we are.
462
00:24:31,870 --> 00:24:34,340
Lilly, I was looking for you.
463
00:24:37,640 --> 00:24:39,510
It's Penny.
464
00:24:39,510 --> 00:24:41,140
Since we're the only two
straight girls here,
465
00:24:41,140 --> 00:24:42,880
we should probably hang out.
466
00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:44,380
Okay, but stop smiling.
467
00:24:44,380 --> 00:24:46,980
You're giving me a headache.
468
00:24:46,980 --> 00:24:48,280
How'd you two meet?
469
00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:50,620
We go way back to high school.
470
00:24:50,620 --> 00:24:52,450
I thought you said
you met yesterday.
471
00:24:52,450 --> 00:24:56,430
Well, we gay met yesterday.
472
00:24:56,430 --> 00:24:58,790
He never paid attention
to me in high school,
473
00:24:58,790 --> 00:25:01,430
but this time...
474
00:25:01,430 --> 00:25:03,100
sparks.
475
00:25:05,900 --> 00:25:08,540
Sparks are what it's all about.
Right, honey?
476
00:25:08,540 --> 00:25:10,070
Mm-hm.
477
00:25:10,070 --> 00:25:12,910
Sparks.
478
00:25:12,910 --> 00:25:15,610
Looks like they're having
a really nice time.
479
00:25:15,610 --> 00:25:17,510
Are you kidding?
480
00:25:17,510 --> 00:25:20,750
Okay, check out your
pigmentally challenged friend.
481
00:25:20,750 --> 00:25:22,180
He has his hands all over
482
00:25:22,180 --> 00:25:25,520
that Ryan Phillippe/
Kwanten/Reynolds guy,
483
00:25:25,520 --> 00:25:28,760
but his eyes are on Zack.
484
00:25:28,760 --> 00:25:31,760
So looks like you two can't
get enough of each other.
485
00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:34,500
Oh, I know.
I mean, look at us.
486
00:25:34,500 --> 00:25:36,100
We're practically making love.
487
00:25:36,100 --> 00:25:37,700
Nope.
488
00:25:37,700 --> 00:25:40,470
We can't keep our hands
off of each other.
489
00:25:40,470 --> 00:25:44,170
Oh, my God, it's huge.
490
00:25:44,170 --> 00:25:46,210
Surprises me every time.
491
00:25:47,640 --> 00:25:49,580
Should you two be doing
that in public?
492
00:25:49,580 --> 00:25:51,350
The sign doesn't say
public resort.
493
00:25:51,350 --> 00:25:54,350
Maybe we shouldn't.
494
00:25:54,350 --> 00:25:56,050
Not without kissing anyway.
495
00:25:56,050 --> 00:25:57,790
Excellent idea.
496
00:26:07,460 --> 00:26:08,760
Nice.
497
00:26:14,270 --> 00:26:16,310
That gets me hot.
498
00:26:27,680 --> 00:26:29,680
I will never truly
understand the gays.
499
00:26:29,680 --> 00:26:31,720
You don't even understand
the Wheel of Fortune.
500
00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:33,620
Good afternoon,
beautiful ladies.
501
00:26:33,620 --> 00:26:36,790
Hello, I-- we--
502
00:26:36,790 --> 00:26:39,190
Hola, Luis.
503
00:26:39,190 --> 00:26:40,860
I met Luis earlier.
504
00:26:40,860 --> 00:26:41,960
So did I.
505
00:26:41,960 --> 00:26:43,770
Like eye contact met.
506
00:26:43,770 --> 00:26:45,270
Remember?
507
00:26:45,270 --> 00:26:47,030
Can I bring you
something else to drink?
508
00:26:47,030 --> 00:26:49,400
Oh, I'm good. Oh.
509
00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:52,770
Oh, Allow me to clean you up.
510
00:26:56,780 --> 00:26:58,180
Oh, Jesus.
511
00:26:58,180 --> 00:27:00,920
That is not how
a gay man touches boobs.
512
00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:03,650
- I knew you were straight.
- You are correct.
513
00:27:03,650 --> 00:27:06,520
Why would a straight guy
want to work here?
514
00:27:06,520 --> 00:27:08,360
There are many reasons
to work here,
515
00:27:08,360 --> 00:27:11,790
many beautiful reasons.
516
00:27:11,790 --> 00:27:13,760
I am going to bring you
another drink.
517
00:27:18,400 --> 00:27:21,140
That is who I'm giving
my virginity to.
518
00:27:21,140 --> 00:27:22,270
Back off.
519
00:27:22,270 --> 00:27:23,410
We flirted yesterday.
520
00:27:23,410 --> 00:27:24,570
We've established something.
521
00:27:24,570 --> 00:27:26,610
But he touched my breast.
522
00:27:26,610 --> 00:27:29,110
Normally I would never fight
with another woman
523
00:27:29,110 --> 00:27:31,050
over a man, but fuck it.
524
00:27:31,050 --> 00:27:32,650
I'm bored.
525
00:27:32,650 --> 00:27:33,880
It's on.
526
00:27:44,030 --> 00:27:45,460
Ew.
527
00:27:47,660 --> 00:27:49,260
We should do brunch
with them again.
528
00:27:49,260 --> 00:27:51,930
Are you kidding?
That was awful.
529
00:27:51,930 --> 00:27:53,900
Huh?
530
00:27:53,900 --> 00:27:55,300
We spent the entire time
531
00:27:55,300 --> 00:27:56,570
pretending to be
something we're not--
532
00:27:56,570 --> 00:27:57,940
Happily monogamous.
533
00:27:57,940 --> 00:28:00,340
Don't try to make me
the bad guy here.
534
00:28:00,340 --> 00:28:02,110
You agreed to be open
this weekend.
535
00:28:02,110 --> 00:28:03,680
You could've said no.
536
00:28:08,020 --> 00:28:10,290
What possessed me
to break up with Zack
537
00:28:10,290 --> 00:28:12,550
and then try to be friends
with him?
538
00:28:12,550 --> 00:28:14,520
I mean, you'd think
I would've learned
539
00:28:14,520 --> 00:28:16,830
from every relationship
Jennifer Aniston's ever had.
540
00:28:16,830 --> 00:28:20,460
You broke up with him
because you loved him,
541
00:28:20,460 --> 00:28:22,000
and you want be friends with him
542
00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:23,430
because you still love him.
543
00:28:23,430 --> 00:28:25,870
Unfortunately, he loves Benji.
544
00:28:25,870 --> 00:28:27,000
Don't remind me.
545
00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:29,370
Did you see them
all over each other today,
546
00:28:29,370 --> 00:28:32,510
like horny little monkeys?
547
00:28:32,510 --> 00:28:34,880
There was a lot of horny
at that table.
548
00:28:34,880 --> 00:28:37,450
It doesn't count
if you're faking it,
549
00:28:37,450 --> 00:28:40,220
which, I was,
550
00:28:40,220 --> 00:28:41,920
except for the erection part.
551
00:28:44,190 --> 00:28:45,720
Casey and Peter
552
00:28:45,720 --> 00:28:48,060
don't need to an open
relationship to be happy.
553
00:28:48,060 --> 00:28:50,690
They've been together
for, like, five minutes,
554
00:28:50,690 --> 00:28:52,630
and I can tell Peter's
already getting bored.
555
00:28:52,630 --> 00:28:54,560
Is that how long it took you
to get bored with me?
556
00:28:56,630 --> 00:28:58,730
Come on.
557
00:28:58,730 --> 00:29:00,400
We're in the middle of nowhere
558
00:29:00,400 --> 00:29:03,170
with hot guys
we'll never see again.
559
00:29:03,170 --> 00:29:04,770
We can misbehave a little.
560
00:29:04,770 --> 00:29:07,280
Then back to normal at home.
561
00:29:07,280 --> 00:29:09,340
Yeah, but which
is the normal you?
562
00:29:09,340 --> 00:29:10,880
This one or the one back home?
563
00:29:14,420 --> 00:29:16,890
Peter is boning everything
in sight.
564
00:29:16,890 --> 00:29:20,090
I'm gonna get busted,
and you know what?
565
00:29:20,090 --> 00:29:22,120
I'll deserve it.
566
00:29:22,120 --> 00:29:24,330
You know what always helps me
567
00:29:24,330 --> 00:29:26,560
when I get into
this exact situation?
568
00:29:27,930 --> 00:29:30,000
An ego boost.
569
00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:31,430
Oh, my God,
570
00:29:31,430 --> 00:29:33,100
you look amazing.
571
00:29:41,940 --> 00:29:44,050
So do you.
572
00:29:44,050 --> 00:29:45,480
Come on, now.
573
00:29:45,480 --> 00:29:47,550
You made Zack
fall in love with you once.
574
00:29:47,550 --> 00:29:50,290
It's not like you're Marmaduke.
575
00:29:50,290 --> 00:29:52,120
Look at this face...
576
00:29:52,120 --> 00:29:54,960
Madonna would pay good money
for cheekbones like those.
577
00:29:54,960 --> 00:29:56,530
Especially for her face.
578
00:29:56,530 --> 00:29:59,490
And you're funny and smart
579
00:29:59,490 --> 00:30:02,900
and all the things some
wonderful, sexy stud
580
00:30:02,900 --> 00:30:07,170
is gonna see in you as soon as
you start seeing it yourself.
581
00:30:07,170 --> 00:30:09,500
Well, thank you, Mother.
582
00:30:09,500 --> 00:30:11,340
Momma needs you to do
something for her.
583
00:30:11,340 --> 00:30:13,370
- What?
- Wait for me at the bar.
584
00:30:13,370 --> 00:30:17,150
You have to protect me from Lilly
while I move in on the guy she wants.
585
00:30:17,150 --> 00:30:19,510
Are you serious?
586
00:30:19,510 --> 00:30:22,120
It's your turn to be my hag.
587
00:30:33,160 --> 00:30:34,500
These are perfection.
588
00:30:34,500 --> 00:30:37,300
I shall call it "The Lilly."
589
00:30:37,300 --> 00:30:40,800
Oh, my.
590
00:30:40,800 --> 00:30:44,610
So how many lonely fag hags
have you picked up here?
591
00:30:44,610 --> 00:30:46,470
Not as much as you might think.
592
00:30:46,470 --> 00:30:47,910
Don't give me that.
593
00:30:47,910 --> 00:30:49,980
Tons of women get dragged here
by gay friends
594
00:30:49,980 --> 00:30:53,050
who dump them
for poppers and handjobs.
595
00:30:53,050 --> 00:30:54,180
Um, I'm right here.
596
00:30:54,180 --> 00:30:55,980
Yeah, but your brain isn't.
597
00:30:55,980 --> 00:30:59,020
It's in Benji's pants
or Casey's ass
598
00:30:59,020 --> 00:31:00,090
or some shit like that.
599
00:31:00,090 --> 00:31:02,020
It's not like that.
600
00:31:02,020 --> 00:31:03,260
I just don't want Casey
to find out
601
00:31:03,260 --> 00:31:04,860
about our open weekend thing.
602
00:31:04,860 --> 00:31:06,660
What would happen
if Casey found out?
603
00:31:06,660 --> 00:31:08,300
He'd say something like,
604
00:31:08,300 --> 00:31:10,300
"You're better than being
in a relationship
605
00:31:10,300 --> 00:31:11,700
that isn't working for you."
606
00:31:11,700 --> 00:31:13,840
You make Casey
sound pretty smart.
607
00:31:13,840 --> 00:31:16,240
But compromise is what being in
a relationship's all about, right?
608
00:31:16,240 --> 00:31:19,010
I should give it a try before
throwing the whole thing away.
609
00:31:19,010 --> 00:31:22,580
Well, here's your chance
to test your theory.
610
00:31:24,180 --> 00:31:25,310
How's it going?
611
00:31:25,310 --> 00:31:26,750
Okay.
612
00:31:27,820 --> 00:31:29,220
You're great at this.
613
00:31:29,220 --> 00:31:31,420
I'm Jaden.
614
00:31:31,420 --> 00:31:33,160
You having fun this weekend?
615
00:31:33,160 --> 00:31:37,790
Yeah, I'm liking
the peace and quiet.
616
00:31:37,790 --> 00:31:39,160
Okay.
617
00:31:42,060 --> 00:31:44,730
Actually,
that came out all wrong.
618
00:31:44,730 --> 00:31:46,100
What I mean to say is
619
00:31:46,100 --> 00:31:47,700
I'm having a great weekend...
620
00:31:49,140 --> 00:31:50,610
now.
621
00:31:50,610 --> 00:31:52,010
Oh, yeah?
622
00:31:52,010 --> 00:31:54,410
Yeah.
623
00:31:54,410 --> 00:31:56,840
That's so hot.
624
00:31:56,840 --> 00:31:59,480
You tried the Jacuzzi yet?
625
00:31:59,480 --> 00:32:00,750
Yeah.
626
00:32:00,750 --> 00:32:04,020
But I could always go again.
627
00:32:04,020 --> 00:32:06,550
I want to wrap my legs
around your face
628
00:32:06,550 --> 00:32:09,960
like a pair of Bono sunglasses.
629
00:32:09,960 --> 00:32:11,160
And then what?
630
00:32:14,900 --> 00:32:16,230
Shit.
631
00:32:16,230 --> 00:32:17,970
Okay.
632
00:32:17,970 --> 00:32:19,230
I gotta go.
633
00:32:25,610 --> 00:32:27,110
Hey, Peter,
634
00:32:27,110 --> 00:32:29,540
just saw your boyfriend
heading into the bar.
635
00:32:33,980 --> 00:32:36,180
I don't mess with guys
in relationships.
636
00:32:36,180 --> 00:32:38,250
It's too much drama.
637
00:32:38,250 --> 00:32:39,850
Okay.
638
00:32:39,850 --> 00:32:42,360
Wouldn't want to compromise
your morals.
639
00:32:42,360 --> 00:32:44,130
See? Drama.
640
00:32:45,630 --> 00:32:47,060
Fuck.
641
00:32:57,410 --> 00:32:59,010
Holy shit.
642
00:33:16,390 --> 00:33:20,730
He's cheating on Zack.
643
00:33:20,730 --> 00:33:22,800
Hey Zackattack,
I brought you a present.
644
00:33:22,800 --> 00:33:24,370
What is he doing here?
645
00:33:24,370 --> 00:33:27,000
Your boyfriend wanted
to watch us do it.
646
00:33:30,070 --> 00:33:33,370
- Consider him a peace offering.
- I don't know.
647
00:33:33,370 --> 00:33:35,240
- Is he too fat?
- Am I what?
648
00:33:35,240 --> 00:33:38,080
No, he's perfect, but...
649
00:33:38,080 --> 00:33:40,220
Come on.
650
00:33:40,220 --> 00:33:42,680
Your boyfriend's
really into this.
651
00:33:42,680 --> 00:33:44,820
Plus, l bet you taste delicious.
652
00:33:57,330 --> 00:33:59,200
Damn, guys, that's hot.
653
00:33:59,200 --> 00:34:00,940
Oh, yeah, so hot...
654
00:34:03,670 --> 00:34:05,070
Are you okay?
655
00:34:05,070 --> 00:34:06,440
You're kinda limp down there.
656
00:34:06,440 --> 00:34:08,680
Just pretend.
657
00:34:08,680 --> 00:34:10,180
Suck it.
658
00:34:10,180 --> 00:34:12,110
Suck it with that pretty mouth.
659
00:34:14,580 --> 00:34:16,320
Oh, yeah.
660
00:34:16,320 --> 00:34:18,590
Yeah, do his face.
661
00:34:21,190 --> 00:34:22,520
Oh, yeah.
662
00:34:22,520 --> 00:34:23,620
Oh, my God, I'm close.
663
00:34:23,620 --> 00:34:25,290
Me, too.
664
00:34:25,290 --> 00:34:26,730
Oh, so close.
665
00:34:26,730 --> 00:34:29,400
Oh, Fu...
666
00:34:29,400 --> 00:34:30,700
I'm gonna come.
667
00:34:30,700 --> 00:34:32,370
Oh, fuck.
668
00:34:38,540 --> 00:34:40,110
Oh, yeah.
669
00:34:46,850 --> 00:34:48,850
That was just...
670
00:34:48,850 --> 00:34:50,690
all kinds of wrong.
671
00:34:58,990 --> 00:35:02,360
Now I'll try to find someone
for you to watch me with.
672
00:35:12,740 --> 00:35:14,180
One Lilly.
673
00:35:24,490 --> 00:35:26,350
Shit.
674
00:35:30,090 --> 00:35:32,390
I can not let him see
her looking like that.
675
00:35:36,560 --> 00:35:38,730
Penny, wait.
676
00:35:38,730 --> 00:35:40,200
Penny.
677
00:35:41,800 --> 00:35:44,110
Ay, dios mio.
678
00:35:56,550 --> 00:35:58,290
Are you okay?
679
00:35:58,290 --> 00:36:00,120
I think so.
680
00:36:00,120 --> 00:36:03,660
Did you by any chance see me
before I fell in?
681
00:36:03,660 --> 00:36:05,430
I am afraid I did not, no.
682
00:36:05,430 --> 00:36:07,160
Shart.
683
00:36:07,160 --> 00:36:09,260
But I am sure
you looked beautiful.
684
00:36:13,400 --> 00:36:15,140
I'm so sorry, Penny.
685
00:36:15,140 --> 00:36:17,910
- I didn't mean to.
- I bet you didn't.
686
00:36:17,910 --> 00:36:20,740
These are yours--
Room number 4.
687
00:36:20,740 --> 00:36:22,210
And...
688
00:36:23,740 --> 00:36:25,310
Hormone pills?
689
00:36:27,580 --> 00:36:28,980
These are your pills?
690
00:36:32,620 --> 00:36:34,160
Yes, they're mine.
691
00:36:34,160 --> 00:36:36,120
So what?
I get cramps.
692
00:36:46,800 --> 00:36:49,400
Hey, lover.
693
00:36:49,400 --> 00:36:53,140
Hi.
694
00:36:53,140 --> 00:36:54,780
You know you cock-blocked me
695
00:36:54,780 --> 00:36:57,780
and you weren't even
in the room.
696
00:36:57,780 --> 00:37:00,380
Sorry about that.
697
00:37:00,380 --> 00:37:03,420
Eh, it don't stay blocked
for long.
698
00:37:03,420 --> 00:37:06,150
Pesky thing.
699
00:37:06,150 --> 00:37:09,490
Hey, thanks for being
my pretend boyfriend.
700
00:37:09,490 --> 00:37:11,160
I have to say this is
701
00:37:11,160 --> 00:37:17,100
one of the most perverted
things I've ever done.
702
00:37:17,100 --> 00:37:20,800
Did you really have a crush
on me in high school?
703
00:37:20,800 --> 00:37:25,410
Absolutely.
You were so adorable.
704
00:37:25,410 --> 00:37:29,010
Still are.
705
00:37:29,010 --> 00:37:32,850
So, why don't you have
a boyfriend?
706
00:37:32,850 --> 00:37:36,880
Maybe you haven't noticed,
but I'm kind of a slut.
707
00:37:36,880 --> 00:37:38,890
I've noticed.
708
00:37:38,890 --> 00:37:43,020
I'm just not the boyfriend type.
709
00:37:43,020 --> 00:37:45,330
I'm definitely
the boyfriend type.
710
00:37:45,330 --> 00:37:48,100
That's part of
what makes you so hot.
711
00:37:48,100 --> 00:37:51,700
And why I haven't tried to go
to naked town with you.
712
00:37:51,700 --> 00:37:53,570
I respect you.
713
00:37:56,040 --> 00:37:59,470
That's really sweet, but...
714
00:38:00,980 --> 00:38:05,950
I'd love to be
disrespected right now.
715
00:38:09,820 --> 00:38:11,190
♪ Will we ever ♪
716
00:38:11,190 --> 00:38:14,090
♪ Will we ever get there?
717
00:38:14,090 --> 00:38:16,920
♪ Waiting on the horizon ♪
718
00:38:16,920 --> 00:38:20,730
♪ For ships to come ♪
719
00:38:20,730 --> 00:38:26,330
♪ There is something
to believe in again ♪
720
00:38:26,330 --> 00:38:30,770
♪ Something's passing
through me ♪
721
00:38:30,770 --> 00:38:33,540
♪ Like electricity ♪
722
00:38:33,540 --> 00:38:38,050
♪ Constantly waiting
till I see you again ♪
723
00:38:50,820 --> 00:38:53,360
♪ Running wild ♪
724
00:39:01,570 --> 00:39:03,100
I'm so sorry, Penny.
725
00:39:06,570 --> 00:39:09,680
What were you thinking?
726
00:39:09,680 --> 00:39:11,550
Honestly?
727
00:39:11,550 --> 00:39:13,480
I didn't mean to knock you
in the pool.
728
00:39:13,480 --> 00:39:19,250
I just didn't want Luis to see
you looking that good.
729
00:39:19,250 --> 00:39:20,860
So you did do it on purpose.
730
00:39:20,860 --> 00:39:23,060
No, I just said I didn't.
731
00:39:23,060 --> 00:39:25,630
You said you didn't want him to
see me looking that gorgeous.
732
00:39:25,630 --> 00:39:27,330
I didn't say gorgeous.
733
00:39:27,330 --> 00:39:30,130
I can't believe I covered
for your stupid hormone pills.
734
00:39:30,130 --> 00:39:33,430
That was really sweet of you.
735
00:39:33,430 --> 00:39:34,970
Mind if I have them back now?
736
00:39:34,970 --> 00:39:37,470
Like I told Luis,
737
00:39:37,470 --> 00:39:39,010
they're mine.
738
00:39:45,650 --> 00:39:47,820
You know he named
that drink after me?
739
00:39:47,820 --> 00:39:49,350
It's called the Penny.
740
00:39:49,350 --> 00:39:53,120
♪ Will we ever,
will we ever get there? ♪
741
00:39:53,120 --> 00:39:56,720
♪ Waiting on the horizon ♪
742
00:39:56,720 --> 00:39:58,290
I should tell Zack what I saw,
743
00:39:58,290 --> 00:40:00,800
but he will totally hate me.
744
00:40:00,800 --> 00:40:03,300
I'd wanna know if my boyfriend
was cheating on me.
745
00:40:03,300 --> 00:40:05,030
Maybe they have
an open relationship.
746
00:40:05,030 --> 00:40:08,940
- Really? Zack?
- I know.
747
00:40:08,940 --> 00:40:11,310
So are you and Peter
a thing now?
748
00:40:11,310 --> 00:40:15,910
No, it was just like,
friend sex,
749
00:40:15,910 --> 00:40:18,680
really amazing friend sex.
750
00:40:20,050 --> 00:40:22,680
- We're friends.
- Ew.
751
00:40:22,680 --> 00:40:26,650
Please, like I'd waste my cherry
on your little pink baby corn.
752
00:40:26,650 --> 00:40:29,490
What happened
with the bartender?
753
00:40:29,490 --> 00:40:31,960
Hello. Have you seen
the bandage on my head?
754
00:40:31,960 --> 00:40:34,700
Obviously there's
a terrible story behind it.
755
00:40:34,700 --> 00:40:36,260
I wasn't sure
that was a bandage.
756
00:40:36,260 --> 00:40:38,700
I mean sometimes
you dress kinda weird.
757
00:40:43,700 --> 00:40:46,940
Damn, don't bruise me
before the underwear party.
758
00:40:46,940 --> 00:40:48,940
They're all underwear parties.
759
00:40:48,940 --> 00:40:52,180
Apparently, you can't have a wedding
without three nights of orgies.
760
00:40:52,180 --> 00:40:55,480
First comes love,
then comes marriage.
761
00:40:55,480 --> 00:40:58,190
But they never warn you about
the three ways in between.
762
00:40:58,190 --> 00:41:00,590
I don't wanna lose
Benji over this.
763
00:41:00,590 --> 00:41:02,690
- I normally love three-ways.
- Who doesn't?
764
00:41:02,690 --> 00:41:05,230
I just don't want one
in my relationship.
765
00:41:05,230 --> 00:41:06,790
Okay, that doesn't make
any sense.
766
00:41:06,790 --> 00:41:08,660
If you fantasize about it,
767
00:41:08,660 --> 00:41:11,000
why not share that
with your boyfriend?
768
00:41:11,000 --> 00:41:12,870
I guess I'm over-thinking it.
769
00:41:12,870 --> 00:41:15,640
I mean, last night
should have been totally hot.
770
00:41:15,640 --> 00:41:18,140
Just give yourself over.
771
00:41:18,140 --> 00:41:22,610
Over to what, studmuffin?
772
00:41:22,610 --> 00:41:24,950
Absolute pleasure.
773
00:41:24,950 --> 00:41:29,880
Last night
was just an appetizer.
774
00:41:29,880 --> 00:41:31,420
Tonight...
775
00:41:35,120 --> 00:41:38,660
we're having a real three-way.
776
00:41:38,660 --> 00:41:40,090
I lurve you.
777
00:41:40,090 --> 00:41:41,430
I lurve you, too.
778
00:41:58,880 --> 00:42:00,480
It's underwear night.
779
00:42:00,480 --> 00:42:01,780
Why aren't you in your panties?
780
00:42:01,780 --> 00:42:03,550
I miss wearing clothes.
781
00:42:03,550 --> 00:42:06,390
Well, I have plans for tonight,
782
00:42:06,390 --> 00:42:09,460
so the room is free
for whatever you need to do,
783
00:42:09,460 --> 00:42:12,960
say bring a certain someone
back to it and get it on?
784
00:42:12,960 --> 00:42:14,260
Don't bother.
785
00:42:14,260 --> 00:42:16,060
I don't plan on using it.
786
00:42:16,060 --> 00:42:18,300
Then the room
will sit there empty.
787
00:42:18,300 --> 00:42:19,570
Fine by me.
788
00:42:19,570 --> 00:42:21,200
Come on, Casey.
789
00:42:21,200 --> 00:42:22,800
This is your life.
790
00:42:22,800 --> 00:42:24,340
Get out there and live it.
791
00:42:24,340 --> 00:42:27,740
You make everything sound
like a Tweet from Oprah.
792
00:42:30,210 --> 00:42:33,150
I forgot
how much I love ordering in.
793
00:42:33,150 --> 00:42:34,520
Oh, what about this guy?
794
00:42:34,520 --> 00:42:36,850
Versatile top loves group play.
795
00:42:36,850 --> 00:42:40,820
Ooh, 5'1"? Sixty-nining
short guys cramps my neck.
796
00:42:40,820 --> 00:42:42,390
We don't have to do this
if you don't--
797
00:42:42,390 --> 00:42:44,360
Whoa, what about him?
798
00:42:44,360 --> 00:42:46,930
Hmm, not my type.
799
00:42:46,930 --> 00:42:48,300
How 'bout that guy?
800
00:42:48,300 --> 00:42:49,630
No, thanks.
801
00:42:49,630 --> 00:42:51,530
He looks 12.
He looks a hundred.
802
00:42:51,530 --> 00:42:54,470
He looks like Rachel Maddow.
803
00:42:54,470 --> 00:42:56,700
Whoa.
804
00:42:56,700 --> 00:42:57,870
Super hot.
805
00:42:57,870 --> 00:43:00,510
It says he's only looking
for friendship.
806
00:43:00,510 --> 00:43:02,440
Let's see if he wants
to be our friend.
807
00:43:16,890 --> 00:43:18,790
If I were
a stupid, heartless bitch,
808
00:43:18,790 --> 00:43:20,900
where would I hide
someone's meds?
809
00:43:32,670 --> 00:43:33,840
Casey.
810
00:43:40,580 --> 00:43:41,720
Figures.
811
00:43:42,980 --> 00:43:44,390
Where are they?
812
00:43:48,220 --> 00:43:50,930
Ugh. Harry Potter vibrator?
813
00:43:52,790 --> 00:43:56,600
♪ I'm on
a man hunt, man hunt ♪
814
00:43:56,600 --> 00:43:58,700
♪ I'm not looking
for the one ♪
815
00:43:58,700 --> 00:44:01,270
♪ I'm on
a man hunt, man hunt ♪
816
00:44:01,270 --> 00:44:04,740
I didn't think finding a three-way
would be so complicated.
817
00:44:04,740 --> 00:44:06,810
Well, when you're matching
three checklists
818
00:44:06,810 --> 00:44:09,440
against each other,
it gets pretty elaborate.
819
00:44:09,440 --> 00:44:11,680
It's a good thing
I studied calculus.
820
00:44:19,390 --> 00:44:23,390
Hey, let's split up
and meet back up in 30.
821
00:44:23,390 --> 00:44:24,960
See what we can rustle up
on our own?
822
00:44:26,230 --> 00:44:27,860
Okay.
823
00:44:29,800 --> 00:44:32,570
♪ Then I wonder
if sometimes ♪
824
00:44:32,570 --> 00:44:35,370
♪ I just want to be alone ♪
825
00:44:35,370 --> 00:44:37,570
♪ I'm on
a man hunt, man hunt ♪
826
00:44:37,570 --> 00:44:41,480
♪ I just want a night of fun ♪
827
00:44:41,480 --> 00:44:44,950
♪ I'm on
a man hunt, man hunt... ♪
828
00:44:44,950 --> 00:44:47,350
♪ I'm not looking
for the one... ♪
829
00:44:52,590 --> 00:44:55,620
Look, I'm just gonna be
straight-up honest
830
00:44:55,620 --> 00:44:58,990
because, what the hell,
I'm never gonna see you again.
831
00:44:58,990 --> 00:45:02,700
I sensed some kind of
flirtation going on between us,
832
00:45:02,700 --> 00:45:05,930
and, well, I'm a virgin,
833
00:45:05,930 --> 00:45:07,500
and I really don't want
to be anymore,
834
00:45:07,500 --> 00:45:09,100
so if you're not busy,
835
00:45:09,100 --> 00:45:10,870
can we fuck?
836
00:45:10,870 --> 00:45:12,870
With condoms?
837
00:45:12,870 --> 00:45:14,240
Your honesty is,
838
00:45:14,240 --> 00:45:16,010
uh, sexy,
839
00:45:16,010 --> 00:45:18,180
but can I be honest as well?
840
00:45:18,180 --> 00:45:19,310
You're gay.
841
00:45:19,310 --> 00:45:20,350
No.
842
00:45:20,350 --> 00:45:22,320
I just.
843
00:45:22,320 --> 00:45:24,150
I know what those pills were.
844
00:45:24,150 --> 00:45:27,560
I like women, real women.
845
00:45:27,560 --> 00:45:29,260
But those were...
846
00:45:30,420 --> 00:45:31,860
If you honestly think
847
00:45:31,860 --> 00:45:34,960
that those pills make me
any less of a woman,
848
00:45:34,960 --> 00:45:38,370
then you're not nearly
enough man for me.
849
00:45:38,370 --> 00:45:39,930
Wait, I-- You--
850
00:45:41,900 --> 00:45:43,970
Pedomierda.
851
00:45:46,370 --> 00:45:48,910
Hey, Peter.
852
00:45:48,910 --> 00:45:51,950
Yeah, the bar
is three blocks down
853
00:45:51,950 --> 00:45:53,410
and two blocks west.
854
00:45:53,410 --> 00:45:59,090
- See ya.
- Yeah I'm a person, too, you know.
855
00:45:59,090 --> 00:46:00,960
Who was that?
856
00:46:00,960 --> 00:46:02,460
Who was who?
857
00:46:02,460 --> 00:46:04,360
That guy
you were just hitting on.
858
00:46:07,390 --> 00:46:08,960
Ugh, I don't even wanna know.
859
00:46:10,360 --> 00:46:11,800
Damn it.
860
00:46:19,410 --> 00:46:21,540
Face it, Penny,
you'll die a virgin.
861
00:46:35,320 --> 00:46:38,960
Time for some Quidditch.
862
00:46:42,200 --> 00:46:43,760
Ooh!
863
00:46:50,270 --> 00:46:52,110
Where's your boyfriend?
864
00:46:52,110 --> 00:46:53,510
Um...
865
00:46:55,110 --> 00:46:57,180
where is yours?
866
00:46:57,180 --> 00:47:00,050
Oh, um, he's picking out...
867
00:47:00,050 --> 00:47:01,920
underwear.
868
00:47:01,920 --> 00:47:04,180
Oh.
869
00:47:04,180 --> 00:47:05,590
Hey, um.
870
00:47:05,590 --> 00:47:08,160
Can we go somewhere and talk?
871
00:47:08,160 --> 00:47:09,160
Yeah, sure.
872
00:47:09,160 --> 00:47:12,590
Okay, um, how about my room?
873
00:47:14,700 --> 00:47:17,200
I wasn't hitting on that guy.
874
00:47:17,200 --> 00:47:18,470
Come on.
875
00:47:18,470 --> 00:47:19,600
It was more obvious
than the dent
876
00:47:19,600 --> 00:47:22,800
in Anderson Cooper's forehead.
877
00:47:22,800 --> 00:47:26,640
Something's weird about
your relationship with Casey.
878
00:47:26,640 --> 00:47:28,410
Excuse me, Chelsea Lately,
879
00:47:28,410 --> 00:47:32,010
but you and Zack seem to be
having problems of your own.
880
00:47:32,010 --> 00:47:33,410
Why do you say that?
881
00:47:33,410 --> 00:47:37,720
Well, for one, look at us.
882
00:47:37,720 --> 00:47:39,650
Oh.
883
00:47:41,690 --> 00:47:46,230
Go for the golden snitch.
884
00:47:46,230 --> 00:47:47,600
Oh.
885
00:47:50,330 --> 00:47:51,700
Oh.
886
00:47:55,070 --> 00:47:56,870
Shart, shart, shart.
887
00:47:56,870 --> 00:48:00,040
I might get to see some gay sex.
888
00:48:10,350 --> 00:48:11,820
Um, what's that?
889
00:48:14,050 --> 00:48:15,690
Penny.
890
00:48:19,930 --> 00:48:22,630
Ugh. It smells
like lima beans.
891
00:48:27,530 --> 00:48:33,040
So there's nothing unusual
happening with you and Casey?
892
00:48:33,040 --> 00:48:35,880
And there's nothing unusual
with you and Zack?
893
00:48:35,880 --> 00:48:38,040
You first.
894
00:48:38,040 --> 00:48:40,710
Let's go get Zack,
then find Casey,
895
00:48:40,710 --> 00:48:43,120
then figure out what's going on.
896
00:48:43,120 --> 00:48:44,450
Fine.
897
00:48:44,450 --> 00:48:46,150
But real quick.
898
00:48:50,460 --> 00:48:51,960
Much better.
899
00:48:51,960 --> 00:48:54,430
Yup.
900
00:48:54,430 --> 00:48:59,700
So I have to tell you something.
901
00:48:59,700 --> 00:49:01,900
I saw something last night.
902
00:49:01,900 --> 00:49:03,640
So did I.
903
00:49:03,640 --> 00:49:05,210
Why do you think
we didn't work out?
904
00:49:05,210 --> 00:49:08,080
I-- I don't know.
905
00:49:08,080 --> 00:49:09,340
Um...
906
00:49:09,340 --> 00:49:12,010
gay guys can't have
long term relationships?
907
00:49:12,010 --> 00:49:14,280
You know that's not true.
908
00:49:14,280 --> 00:49:18,020
I guess maybe because we never
tried to spice things up?
909
00:49:18,020 --> 00:49:19,890
What? You wanted
an open relationship?
910
00:49:19,890 --> 00:49:21,150
No.
911
00:49:21,150 --> 00:49:23,460
I know we're gay,
912
00:49:23,460 --> 00:49:25,690
and we're supposed to be able to make
up whatever kind of family we want,
913
00:49:25,690 --> 00:49:29,100
but for me my family--
914
00:49:29,100 --> 00:49:32,070
It's just gonna be one special
person standing beside me...
915
00:49:33,900 --> 00:49:36,700
someone to grow old with,
916
00:49:36,700 --> 00:49:39,040
even during the boring times.
917
00:49:40,540 --> 00:49:42,610
I miss the boring times.
918
00:49:46,950 --> 00:49:48,580
Shit, wrong room.
919
00:49:48,580 --> 00:49:49,980
Hello.
920
00:49:49,980 --> 00:49:51,320
What's going on, guys?
921
00:49:51,320 --> 00:49:52,990
Nothing.
922
00:49:52,990 --> 00:49:56,120
I don't know. It looks
awfully horny in here.
923
00:49:56,120 --> 00:49:58,530
Well, what are you two
doing together?
924
00:49:58,530 --> 00:50:00,960
Looking for you guys.
925
00:50:00,960 --> 00:50:02,430
What were you talking about?
926
00:50:02,430 --> 00:50:05,570
How to keep the spark alive.
927
00:50:05,570 --> 00:50:06,670
Yeah?
928
00:50:06,670 --> 00:50:08,300
How do you guys do that?
929
00:50:09,900 --> 00:50:12,070
Benji was doubting our sparks.
930
00:50:15,880 --> 00:50:20,410
Well, we've got sparks,
right, Zack?
931
00:50:20,410 --> 00:50:23,780
I can feel some sparks
right about now, in fact.
932
00:50:23,780 --> 00:50:28,860
Um, we should get ready
for the party.
933
00:50:28,860 --> 00:50:30,690
I'll go first.
934
00:50:32,830 --> 00:50:36,000
Well, I don't need to change
in the bathroom
935
00:50:36,000 --> 00:50:38,700
if you guys don't mind.
936
00:50:38,700 --> 00:50:40,070
Yeah, go ahead.
937
00:50:42,370 --> 00:50:44,710
- Damn.
- Damn.
938
00:50:44,710 --> 00:50:46,170
Damn.
939
00:50:46,170 --> 00:50:48,640
My underwear
are back in my room.
940
00:50:48,640 --> 00:50:50,040
Hey, honey,
941
00:50:50,040 --> 00:50:52,650
you got some underwear
I can borrow?
942
00:50:52,650 --> 00:50:55,950
Yeah, check in my suitcase.
943
00:51:03,820 --> 00:51:07,290
You look great
in those trunks, Zack.
944
00:51:07,290 --> 00:51:08,700
Maybe I can try them on?
945
00:51:09,700 --> 00:51:11,670
Y-You wanna try mine on?
946
00:51:11,670 --> 00:51:15,140
Please?
947
00:51:15,140 --> 00:51:16,900
He said please.
948
00:51:31,750 --> 00:51:33,120
How do they look?
949
00:51:33,120 --> 00:51:35,990
- They look good.
- Real good.
950
00:51:35,990 --> 00:51:38,430
Except something's poking
out of 'em.
951
00:51:38,430 --> 00:51:40,360
Oh, yeah.
952
00:51:40,360 --> 00:51:41,460
I see that.
953
00:51:41,460 --> 00:51:43,130
It'd be hard to miss.
954
00:51:43,130 --> 00:51:45,430
Um, hi.
955
00:51:45,430 --> 00:51:47,830
Come here, boyfriend.
956
00:51:47,830 --> 00:51:50,840
Zack and I were...
957
00:51:50,840 --> 00:51:52,710
Have never had break-up sex.
958
00:52:27,240 --> 00:52:28,880
Ow.
959
00:53:21,660 --> 00:53:23,330
That's hot.
960
00:53:33,510 --> 00:53:35,340
Is this what you wanted?
961
00:53:37,280 --> 00:53:38,980
Or this?
962
00:54:42,780 --> 00:54:44,810
What's that?
963
00:54:44,810 --> 00:54:46,850
Air conditioning?
964
00:54:46,850 --> 00:54:48,410
Works for me.
965
00:54:48,410 --> 00:54:49,980
Stay here.
966
00:55:00,630 --> 00:55:01,930
Where's the condoms?
967
00:55:01,930 --> 00:55:03,560
Over here.
968
00:55:12,840 --> 00:55:14,510
Shh.
969
00:55:18,810 --> 00:55:19,980
Get back up here, Casey.
970
00:55:19,980 --> 00:55:22,320
Oh. Yes, sir.
971
00:55:23,580 --> 00:55:25,650
So, who's doing who?
972
00:55:25,650 --> 00:55:27,620
Whom.
973
00:55:27,620 --> 00:55:29,660
Yeah, Zack.
974
00:55:29,660 --> 00:55:30,920
Who's doing who?
975
00:55:30,920 --> 00:55:32,560
Whom.
976
00:55:35,530 --> 00:55:36,930
Well...
977
00:55:38,130 --> 00:55:40,270
I think I wanna do...
978
00:55:41,970 --> 00:55:43,940
I've had it.
979
00:55:46,670 --> 00:55:48,940
What grabbed me.
980
00:55:48,940 --> 00:55:51,980
There's a monster under the bed!
981
00:55:56,480 --> 00:55:57,880
What the hell?
982
00:55:57,880 --> 00:56:01,150
- What's going on?
- Hi.
983
00:56:01,150 --> 00:56:02,160
And what were you doing
under there?
984
00:56:02,160 --> 00:56:03,890
I was just masturbating.
985
00:56:03,890 --> 00:56:05,790
I don't know what she was doing.
986
00:56:05,790 --> 00:56:08,490
I was looking for my
medication this bitch stole.
987
00:56:08,490 --> 00:56:10,660
Then you guys came in and started
playing Human Centipede.
988
00:56:10,660 --> 00:56:12,230
This is too messy for me.
989
00:56:12,230 --> 00:56:14,800
You're part of this mess.
990
00:56:14,800 --> 00:56:18,470
No, he's not.
991
00:56:18,470 --> 00:56:19,940
Zack...
992
00:56:19,940 --> 00:56:23,680
Peter and I aren't boyfriends.
993
00:56:23,680 --> 00:56:25,950
We never were.
994
00:56:25,950 --> 00:56:27,610
What?
995
00:56:27,610 --> 00:56:29,680
I didn't want you
to feel sorry for me,
996
00:56:29,680 --> 00:56:31,690
that you had
a boyfriend and I didn't,
997
00:56:31,690 --> 00:56:35,890
so I asked Peter to pretend
that we were dating.
998
00:56:35,890 --> 00:56:37,160
I knew it.
999
00:56:37,160 --> 00:56:39,760
Well, not that,
but I knew something.
1000
00:56:39,760 --> 00:56:42,700
- I'm sorry.
- I should've known.
1001
00:56:42,700 --> 00:56:46,430
Everything you do involves
a giant conspiracy.
1002
00:56:46,430 --> 00:56:47,730
You should've just have been
honest with him.
1003
00:56:47,730 --> 00:56:51,240
That's priceless
coming from you, Benji.
1004
00:56:51,240 --> 00:56:53,470
I saw him bring a guy back
into your room last night.
1005
00:56:53,470 --> 00:56:55,210
That's what I wanted
to talk to you about.
1006
00:56:55,210 --> 00:56:58,240
- I can bring back whoever I want.
- Whomever.
1007
00:56:58,240 --> 00:57:01,150
'Cause Zack and I are
in an open relationship.
1008
00:57:01,150 --> 00:57:04,750
An open...?
1009
00:57:04,750 --> 00:57:06,920
I-- I didn't know.
1010
00:57:06,920 --> 00:57:09,120
Benji wanted us
to give it a try.
1011
00:57:09,120 --> 00:57:11,990
But why didn't...?
1012
00:57:11,990 --> 00:57:13,290
Wait a minute.
1013
00:57:13,290 --> 00:57:15,630
You're giving me
a hard time for lying,
1014
00:57:15,630 --> 00:57:18,800
when you've been lying about your
perfect relationship all along?
1015
00:57:18,800 --> 00:57:20,630
Fuck you.
1016
00:57:20,630 --> 00:57:24,040
Well, we're better
than you and I ever were.
1017
00:57:24,040 --> 00:57:25,670
Benji, c'mon.
1018
00:57:33,380 --> 00:57:35,350
These are the gays of our lives.
1019
00:57:37,350 --> 00:57:40,020
I cannot believe him.
When is he gonna grow up?
1020
00:57:40,020 --> 00:57:42,920
And you, what was that?
1021
00:57:42,920 --> 00:57:45,260
I'm sorry.
1022
00:57:45,260 --> 00:57:47,660
Maybe I can make it up to you?
1023
00:57:50,530 --> 00:57:53,870
Yeah, it's mostly political,
1024
00:57:53,870 --> 00:57:55,370
but I wanna make a statement...
1025
00:57:56,470 --> 00:57:58,340
with you.
1026
00:57:58,340 --> 00:58:01,480
We're not perfect,
but what couple is?
1027
00:58:09,520 --> 00:58:11,020
Marry me.
1028
00:58:11,920 --> 00:58:13,090
Tomorrow...
1029
00:58:13,090 --> 00:58:15,190
while it's legal.
1030
00:58:17,820 --> 00:58:19,990
Marry me.
1031
00:58:19,990 --> 00:58:21,330
Are you serious?
1032
00:58:26,400 --> 00:58:30,840
Fine.
1033
00:58:30,840 --> 00:58:32,440
That's so romantic.
1034
00:58:34,510 --> 00:58:38,410
♪ So what am I so afraid of ♪
1035
00:58:38,410 --> 00:58:41,380
♪ If it's just you? ♪
1036
00:58:41,380 --> 00:58:43,780
♪ But, baby,
you're hot and cold ♪
1037
00:58:43,780 --> 00:58:45,620
♪ And maybe
you'll never know ♪
1038
00:58:45,620 --> 00:58:50,260
♪ Just what you want me to ♪
1039
00:58:50,260 --> 00:58:53,790
♪ Everything
I need you to say ♪
1040
00:58:53,790 --> 00:58:57,700
♪ Didn't talk
'cause I was so afraid ♪
1041
00:58:57,700 --> 00:59:01,230
♪ Everything
I need you to hear ♪
1042
00:59:01,230 --> 00:59:05,070
♪ Didn't talk
'cause I'm my latest fear ♪
1043
00:59:08,670 --> 00:59:10,180
Hey.
1044
00:59:11,510 --> 00:59:12,810
Hop in.
1045
00:59:12,810 --> 00:59:15,380
Everything's better
after a Jacuzzi.
1046
00:59:27,390 --> 00:59:28,830
How're you feeling?
1047
00:59:30,660 --> 00:59:33,270
Like I just sat through the
first three Twilight movies.
1048
00:59:33,270 --> 00:59:34,730
That bad, huh?
1049
00:59:36,740 --> 00:59:39,640
Hey, I'm sorry about getting
you mixed up in all this.
1050
00:59:39,640 --> 00:59:41,610
It's okay.
1051
00:59:41,610 --> 00:59:44,310
This definitely makes
my top-ten kinky list.
1052
00:59:46,550 --> 00:59:49,220
And it was fun hanging out
with you.
1053
00:59:49,220 --> 00:59:51,450
And you know what?
You are a great kisser.
1054
00:59:51,450 --> 00:59:54,550
And you are packin'
the goods down there.
1055
00:59:54,550 --> 00:59:55,690
Thanks.
1056
00:59:59,230 --> 01:00:01,690
Zack's right, you know.
1057
01:00:01,690 --> 01:00:05,430
Every time I want to get
close to him, I just lie.
1058
01:00:05,430 --> 01:00:07,030
What is wrong with me?
1059
01:00:07,030 --> 01:00:10,300
Deep-seated insecurity.
1060
01:00:10,300 --> 01:00:13,170
Well how can I not have that
when I don't look like you?
1061
01:00:13,170 --> 01:00:17,580
Oh stop using the you're-better-looking-than-me
as a crutch, Casey.
1062
01:00:17,580 --> 01:00:19,350
We've all got shit
we're insecure about.
1063
01:00:19,350 --> 01:00:22,420
And what are you insecure about?
1064
01:00:22,420 --> 01:00:24,080
- Hmm...
- See?
1065
01:00:24,080 --> 01:00:27,420
I'm playin'.
Of course I'm insecure.
1066
01:00:27,420 --> 01:00:29,920
I'm insecure
that I spend so much time
1067
01:00:29,920 --> 01:00:31,390
trying to get laid
1068
01:00:31,390 --> 01:00:34,490
that I'll pass up
on a good opportunity
1069
01:00:34,490 --> 01:00:37,260
when something
meaningful comes my way.
1070
01:00:37,260 --> 01:00:42,330
I'm insecure that I can't
commit to a relationship ever.
1071
01:00:42,330 --> 01:00:43,740
And when I finally do,
1072
01:00:43,740 --> 01:00:47,170
once the sex with me
gets boring,
1073
01:00:47,170 --> 01:00:49,780
I won't have enough to offer.
1074
01:00:49,780 --> 01:00:52,810
And I'm insecure that my arms
aren't big enough.
1075
01:00:52,810 --> 01:00:53,850
My legs are too skinny.
1076
01:00:53,850 --> 01:00:57,450
- My hair is thin--
- Okay, shut up.
1077
01:00:57,450 --> 01:00:59,520
When we get back to the city,
we should hang out,
1078
01:00:59,520 --> 01:01:02,050
I want to go to bars,
meet some guys
1079
01:01:02,050 --> 01:01:07,530
now that I'm finally accepting
that Zack and I are over.
1080
01:01:07,530 --> 01:01:09,230
Yeah, I heard
about their wedding.
1081
01:01:09,230 --> 01:01:10,830
What?
1082
01:01:22,010 --> 01:01:23,640
You feel any better yet?
1083
01:01:23,640 --> 01:01:26,250
I feel like Mel Gibson
at the Museum of Tolerance.
1084
01:01:26,250 --> 01:01:28,680
Let's keep trying.
1085
01:01:28,680 --> 01:01:30,720
Here's what's really jacked.
1086
01:01:30,720 --> 01:01:32,050
I miss him.
1087
01:01:32,050 --> 01:01:33,820
The bean pole?
1088
01:01:33,820 --> 01:01:36,460
Yeah. That's why I wanted
to be friends with him.
1089
01:01:36,460 --> 01:01:39,630
On paper we're totally wrong
for each other.
1090
01:01:39,630 --> 01:01:42,200
He's all dorky
and self conscious.
1091
01:01:42,200 --> 01:01:44,900
He likes Gaga more than Madonna,
1092
01:01:44,900 --> 01:01:49,170
and he actually laughs
at clowns.
1093
01:01:49,170 --> 01:01:50,940
But...
1094
01:01:50,940 --> 01:01:55,370
But his goofy smile
just slays me every time.
1095
01:01:55,370 --> 01:01:57,410
He loves old movies.
1096
01:01:57,410 --> 01:02:00,650
We always order
the same thing on the menu.
1097
01:02:00,650 --> 01:02:03,350
And he always means well,
even when he's lying.
1098
01:02:03,350 --> 01:02:04,720
And from what I saw,
1099
01:02:04,720 --> 01:02:07,820
he's hung like
The Incredible Hulk.
1100
01:02:07,820 --> 01:02:10,860
Yeah, skinny guys
never fail to surprise.
1101
01:02:10,860 --> 01:02:12,730
And he's not
into open relationships.
1102
01:02:17,960 --> 01:02:19,030
I don't know.
1103
01:02:19,030 --> 01:02:21,130
Ask yourself something.
1104
01:02:21,130 --> 01:02:24,340
Why are talking about Casey
1105
01:02:24,340 --> 01:02:27,270
when you're about marry Benji?
1106
01:02:31,410 --> 01:02:34,650
- You look so good.
- You look so good.
1107
01:02:34,650 --> 01:02:37,150
Oh, it's our flower girl.
1108
01:02:37,150 --> 01:02:38,520
You can be my something blue.
1109
01:02:38,520 --> 01:02:40,290
Very funny.
1110
01:02:40,290 --> 01:02:41,920
Darlin', what's wrong?
1111
01:02:41,920 --> 01:02:44,960
Did Kathy Griffin
get another face-lift?
1112
01:02:44,960 --> 01:02:46,160
Zack's getting married.
1113
01:02:46,160 --> 01:02:47,460
Our Zack?
1114
01:02:47,460 --> 01:02:49,030
And he's in
an open relationship.
1115
01:02:49,030 --> 01:02:51,100
Oh, I hate his guts.
1116
01:02:51,100 --> 01:02:54,470
Oh, come now, there's too much
hate in the world already.
1117
01:02:54,470 --> 01:02:56,240
- You don't hate Zack.
- I know.
1118
01:02:56,240 --> 01:02:59,040
Maybe this is life giving you
one of those teachable moments
1119
01:02:59,040 --> 01:03:00,670
they're always talking about
on CNN.
1120
01:03:00,670 --> 01:03:03,540
Maybe you can put
a little more love
1121
01:03:03,540 --> 01:03:05,540
back in the world
by supporting Zack.
1122
01:03:05,540 --> 01:03:07,050
Are you kidding me?
1123
01:03:07,050 --> 01:03:08,550
I don't wanna see him get
married
1124
01:03:08,550 --> 01:03:09,820
to some guy who's not me.
1125
01:03:09,820 --> 01:03:11,380
But this isn't about you.
1126
01:03:11,380 --> 01:03:13,620
This is about someone you love.
1127
01:03:13,620 --> 01:03:15,550
And even though Zack
might not know it,
1128
01:03:15,550 --> 01:03:16,660
he needs your friendship.
1129
01:03:16,660 --> 01:03:18,630
Are you gonna be there for him?
1130
01:03:31,940 --> 01:03:33,570
Truce?
1131
01:03:33,570 --> 01:03:34,970
How did you know
I was behind you?
1132
01:03:34,970 --> 01:03:37,440
Transsexual sense.
We all have it.
1133
01:03:37,440 --> 01:03:38,780
You do?
1134
01:03:38,780 --> 01:03:40,310
Yeah, TSP.
1135
01:03:40,310 --> 01:03:42,780
So truce?
1136
01:03:42,780 --> 01:03:44,980
Truce.
1137
01:03:44,980 --> 01:03:48,250
What's the catch?
1138
01:03:48,250 --> 01:03:50,920
I think our fight
is actually pretty stupid.
1139
01:03:53,190 --> 01:03:54,630
It's just that since Jason,
1140
01:03:54,630 --> 01:03:56,260
I act like I'm confident
1141
01:03:56,260 --> 01:03:59,130
and I can find another
boyfriend whenever I want,
1142
01:03:59,130 --> 01:04:00,870
but...
1143
01:04:00,870 --> 01:04:03,700
- I'm scared.
- You and me both.
1144
01:04:03,700 --> 01:04:05,200
Oh, come on.
You have a natural born vagina.
1145
01:04:05,200 --> 01:04:07,040
Just lay it out on plate,
and men come crawling.
1146
01:04:07,040 --> 01:04:09,380
But my personality
scares them off.
1147
01:04:09,380 --> 01:04:11,710
I wish I was more like you.
1148
01:04:11,710 --> 01:04:14,880
I can't believe a cis woman
just said that to me.
1149
01:04:14,880 --> 01:04:16,950
A what?
1150
01:04:16,950 --> 01:04:18,250
A non-transsexual.
1151
01:04:18,250 --> 01:04:19,390
Oh..
1152
01:04:19,390 --> 01:04:21,920
Buenos Dias, ladies.
1153
01:04:21,920 --> 01:04:23,320
He's all yours.
1154
01:04:23,320 --> 01:04:26,190
Oh, I'm mad at him.
1155
01:04:26,190 --> 01:04:28,130
It is hot today, isn't it?
1156
01:04:31,400 --> 01:04:34,630
God, it's hard to stay mad
at him.
1157
01:04:34,630 --> 01:04:36,270
Is he flirting with you or me?
1158
01:04:36,270 --> 01:04:38,070
He's playing with both of us.
1159
01:04:38,070 --> 01:04:40,240
I guess teasing gay boys
isn't enough.
1160
01:04:40,240 --> 01:04:43,380
He has to get us women
to fight each other, too.
1161
01:04:43,380 --> 01:04:46,250
Let's go put that sexy
bastard in his place.
1162
01:04:46,250 --> 01:04:50,020
- You've got balls.
- That's not funny.
1163
01:04:50,020 --> 01:04:51,280
Oh, God.
1164
01:04:51,280 --> 01:04:53,590
I'm sorry.
I meant in the same way I do.
1165
01:04:53,590 --> 01:04:56,460
Just fucking with you.
I know what you meant.
1166
01:05:01,930 --> 01:05:04,130
And do you,
Rick, promise to love Steve
1167
01:05:04,130 --> 01:05:05,430
for as both as you
long shall live?
1168
01:05:05,430 --> 01:05:07,800
- Well, duh.
- Great.
1169
01:05:16,080 --> 01:05:17,640
Congratulations.
1170
01:05:17,640 --> 01:05:19,410
So you heard.
1171
01:05:19,410 --> 01:05:21,080
Yeah.
1172
01:05:26,550 --> 01:05:28,960
I'm sorry that I lied to you.
1173
01:05:30,560 --> 01:05:32,590
I'm sorry, too.
1174
01:05:34,560 --> 01:05:39,130
Are you excited
for your wedding?
1175
01:05:39,130 --> 01:05:40,670
I don't know.
1176
01:05:40,670 --> 01:05:45,640
We're just getting married
to make a political statement.
1177
01:05:45,640 --> 01:05:48,410
I always pictured
a big beautiful wedding.
1178
01:05:48,410 --> 01:05:50,280
What, you in white?
1179
01:05:50,280 --> 01:05:52,480
Sunflowers everywhere.
1180
01:05:52,480 --> 01:05:53,780
A choir singing Ray of Light.
1181
01:05:53,780 --> 01:05:55,480
We'd write our own vows.
1182
01:05:55,480 --> 01:05:57,620
Aw, and they'd make us
cry when we read 'em.
1183
01:05:57,620 --> 01:05:59,920
And when the minister pronounced
us husband and husband...
1184
01:05:59,920 --> 01:06:02,720
We'd do a choreographed dance
to "Umbrella."
1185
01:06:02,720 --> 01:06:06,030
With umbrellas.
1186
01:06:06,030 --> 01:06:11,060
I-- I didn't mean we.
I meant you.
1187
01:06:15,470 --> 01:06:18,540
Do you do you need a best man?
1188
01:06:20,770 --> 01:06:22,810
What? Are you serious?
1189
01:06:22,810 --> 01:06:25,980
I know I haven't always
been the best man,
1190
01:06:25,980 --> 01:06:27,810
but...
1191
01:06:27,810 --> 01:06:32,020
I came here to tell you
that I want you in my life,
1192
01:06:32,020 --> 01:06:35,290
even if it is just
as your best man.
1193
01:06:41,330 --> 01:06:43,900
I get why you did it.
1194
01:06:43,900 --> 01:06:46,830
You wanted the best for me.
1195
01:06:46,830 --> 01:06:48,200
It's what best men do.
1196
01:06:50,900 --> 01:06:55,740
So does that mean I can do it?
1197
01:06:55,740 --> 01:06:57,780
But this isn't my real wedding.
1198
01:06:57,780 --> 01:07:00,610
Casey?
It's time.
1199
01:07:04,780 --> 01:07:05,890
This is his room.
1200
01:07:05,890 --> 01:07:07,020
So what's the plan?
1201
01:07:07,020 --> 01:07:08,550
I thought you had a plan?
1202
01:07:08,550 --> 01:07:09,890
That's because you're stupid.
1203
01:07:09,890 --> 01:07:11,990
Wait. What if he's
with someone?
1204
01:07:11,990 --> 01:07:14,730
You're right.
We should break in.
1205
01:07:17,760 --> 01:07:20,200
- What are you doing?
- Shh.
1206
01:07:25,370 --> 01:07:27,140
Come on, Luis.
1207
01:07:27,140 --> 01:07:29,010
Are you scared to face up
to the consequences
1208
01:07:29,010 --> 01:07:30,840
of the way you treat women?
1209
01:07:32,340 --> 01:07:34,710
I spy with my little eye
1210
01:07:34,710 --> 01:07:36,720
something that begins
with pussy.
1211
01:07:36,720 --> 01:07:39,390
I not scared.
1212
01:07:39,390 --> 01:07:40,550
I am naked.
1213
01:07:40,550 --> 01:07:44,190
Oh, my.
You are.
1214
01:07:44,190 --> 01:07:47,190
He's butt naked and circumcised.
1215
01:07:47,190 --> 01:07:48,630
Congratulations.
You can read.
1216
01:07:48,630 --> 01:07:50,500
What are you doing here?
1217
01:07:50,500 --> 01:07:52,160
You've been playing us against
each other this whole weekend.
1218
01:07:52,160 --> 01:07:53,730
Leading us on.
1219
01:07:53,730 --> 01:07:55,540
Naming the same drink
after both of us.
1220
01:07:55,540 --> 01:07:56,740
Ogling our bosoms.
1221
01:07:56,740 --> 01:07:58,570
What's the matter with you?
1222
01:07:58,570 --> 01:07:59,910
I sorry.
1223
01:07:59,910 --> 01:08:02,540
I just like the attention,
1224
01:08:02,540 --> 01:08:04,210
but I'm harmless.
1225
01:08:04,210 --> 01:08:06,280
You see,
no women will ever have me
1226
01:08:06,280 --> 01:08:08,310
because of my...
1227
01:08:08,310 --> 01:08:09,480
problem.
1228
01:08:09,480 --> 01:08:11,250
What problem?
1229
01:08:11,250 --> 01:08:13,520
Oh, Penny, I should not have
been so quick to judge you.
1230
01:08:13,520 --> 01:08:15,250
You are right.
1231
01:08:15,250 --> 01:08:19,430
It is not your anatomy that
makes you a beautiful woman.
1232
01:08:19,430 --> 01:08:20,630
So what, you're trans now?
1233
01:08:20,630 --> 01:08:22,230
I was trying to do
the right thing.
1234
01:08:22,230 --> 01:08:25,060
- Those were not your pills?
- No, they're mine,
1235
01:08:25,060 --> 01:08:26,830
and how is stealing
my identity the right thing?
1236
01:08:26,830 --> 01:08:28,170
Well, I guess you
had to be there.
1237
01:08:28,170 --> 01:08:30,140
It doesn't matter who is what.
1238
01:08:30,140 --> 01:08:32,840
You are both beautiful women.
1239
01:08:32,840 --> 01:08:35,510
And like so many beautiful
and cruel women before,
1240
01:08:35,510 --> 01:08:40,480
neither of you will have me
once you have seen my problem.
1241
01:08:40,480 --> 01:08:42,780
What's you're goddamned
problem already?
1242
01:08:45,580 --> 01:08:47,420
I was born with a tail.
1243
01:08:47,420 --> 01:08:49,220
Born with a what?
1244
01:08:54,330 --> 01:08:55,860
Whoa.
1245
01:08:55,860 --> 01:08:59,270
My mother, she thought
it was a sign from God,
1246
01:08:59,270 --> 01:09:01,830
so she made the doctors keep it,
1247
01:09:01,830 --> 01:09:03,200
and now that I am grown,
1248
01:09:03,200 --> 01:09:06,040
it is too dangerous
for them to take it out.
1249
01:09:06,040 --> 01:09:07,840
Because of this tail,
1250
01:09:07,840 --> 01:09:10,510
women scream
1251
01:09:10,510 --> 01:09:11,740
and I never make love.
1252
01:09:11,740 --> 01:09:14,410
I just flirt.
1253
01:09:17,980 --> 01:09:20,220
I kind of know exactly
where you're coming from.
1254
01:09:21,590 --> 01:09:24,220
So now what?
1255
01:09:30,460 --> 01:09:32,130
To be honest,
1256
01:09:32,130 --> 01:09:36,100
I'm having some really trashy
thoughts right now.
1257
01:09:36,100 --> 01:09:37,740
Me, too.
1258
01:09:39,310 --> 01:09:41,540
What is happening?
1259
01:09:41,540 --> 01:09:44,180
I don't think they have
a name for this in Spanish.
1260
01:10:02,160 --> 01:10:05,430
- No way.
- Not happening.
1261
01:10:05,430 --> 01:10:09,300
Let's just keep you
in the middle.
1262
01:10:09,300 --> 01:10:11,370
Maravillosa.
1263
01:10:11,370 --> 01:10:16,040
Quick question--
Can that thing get hard?
1264
01:10:16,040 --> 01:10:21,880
Jerry, you're the Aladdin
to my Jasmine,
1265
01:10:21,880 --> 01:10:23,680
the Weasley to my Hermione,
1266
01:10:23,680 --> 01:10:27,350
and the Brad to my Angelina
if they're still together.
1267
01:10:27,350 --> 01:10:32,460
Oh, Bernard,
I once loved someone and set him free.
1268
01:10:32,460 --> 01:10:35,460
He slept with a meth head
and ran off with a hairdresser.
1269
01:10:35,460 --> 01:10:37,060
Of course he did.
1270
01:10:37,060 --> 01:10:41,870
So now I'm gonna tie you down
while I can, okay?
1271
01:10:44,640 --> 01:10:45,970
You two are next.
1272
01:10:45,970 --> 01:10:47,210
We've assigned witnesses
1273
01:10:47,210 --> 01:10:48,970
unless you have
friends or family here.
1274
01:10:48,970 --> 01:10:51,080
Yeah, my best man
is their flower girl.
1275
01:10:51,080 --> 01:10:53,610
- Oh, but...
- But what?
1276
01:10:53,610 --> 01:10:55,110
Oh, my...
1277
01:10:55,110 --> 01:10:56,150
That means you two
1278
01:10:56,150 --> 01:10:57,650
are the ex and new boyfriend
1279
01:10:57,650 --> 01:10:59,120
he was so intimidated by?
1280
01:10:59,120 --> 01:11:01,920
- He told you?
- He told someone.
1281
01:11:01,920 --> 01:11:04,460
I just have really good hearing.
1282
01:11:04,460 --> 01:11:08,190
So he's gonna help
you guys get married?
1283
01:11:08,190 --> 01:11:11,500
Guys that good
are really hard to find.
1284
01:11:11,500 --> 01:11:12,900
Yeah, they are.
1285
01:11:16,170 --> 01:11:18,300
Love is never easy.
1286
01:11:18,300 --> 01:11:20,670
We won't always understand
each other.
1287
01:11:20,670 --> 01:11:23,680
We won't even like
each other some days,
1288
01:11:23,680 --> 01:11:27,710
but no matter what,
you're a part of me.
1289
01:11:27,710 --> 01:11:30,950
My heart is connected to yours,
1290
01:11:30,950 --> 01:11:33,720
and no argument, no document,
1291
01:11:33,720 --> 01:11:36,160
and certainly no court ruling
1292
01:11:36,160 --> 01:11:37,990
is ever going to change that.
1293
01:11:37,990 --> 01:11:40,390
And now, by the power
vested in me--
1294
01:11:40,390 --> 01:11:42,600
- Can we kiss already?
- Please, please.
1295
01:11:48,670 --> 01:11:51,700
So now I've had sex.
1296
01:11:51,700 --> 01:11:52,970
How does it feel?
1297
01:11:52,970 --> 01:11:55,010
It was good...
1298
01:11:56,240 --> 01:11:58,580
but not as good as cheesecake.
1299
01:11:58,580 --> 01:12:00,150
It never is.
1300
01:12:03,220 --> 01:12:06,590
There will be cheesecake
at the wedding reception.
1301
01:12:06,590 --> 01:12:08,390
The wedding.
1302
01:12:09,520 --> 01:12:11,320
Those old farts
sure took their time.
1303
01:12:11,320 --> 01:12:12,890
Okay, we've got five minutes
1304
01:12:12,890 --> 01:12:14,060
before the legal marriage
loophole closes.
1305
01:12:14,060 --> 01:12:15,460
You two ready?
1306
01:12:15,460 --> 01:12:17,160
Ready.
1307
01:12:22,000 --> 01:12:24,240
Aah, wait.
My tail is stuck.
1308
01:12:27,440 --> 01:12:31,940
Okay, we are here
to join Zachary and Benjamin
1309
01:12:31,940 --> 01:12:33,140
in rapid matrimony.
1310
01:12:33,140 --> 01:12:34,980
Marriage is a contract
1311
01:12:34,980 --> 01:12:37,480
that should not be entered into
lightly, blah, blah, blah,
1312
01:12:37,480 --> 01:12:39,650
we gotta hurry this up if you
guys wanna do this in time,
1313
01:12:39,650 --> 01:12:40,850
so does anyone object?
1314
01:12:40,850 --> 01:12:42,220
Anyone?
1315
01:12:44,020 --> 01:12:46,590
Someone objects.
1316
01:12:46,590 --> 01:12:49,030
Oh, God, her?
1317
01:12:49,030 --> 01:12:50,660
No. Sorry.
1318
01:12:50,660 --> 01:12:54,700
I wasn't--
Not forever holding my peace.
1319
01:12:54,700 --> 01:12:56,840
Okay, so do you Zachary
1320
01:12:56,840 --> 01:12:59,340
take Benjamin to be your lawfully
wedded partner for life?
1321
01:13:00,470 --> 01:13:01,910
I...
1322
01:13:03,410 --> 01:13:04,980
I...
1323
01:13:06,950 --> 01:13:08,350
Can I talk to you?
1324
01:13:08,350 --> 01:13:11,120
Yeah, sure by all means,
please do.
1325
01:13:11,120 --> 01:13:13,190
You've got several seconds.
1326
01:13:14,620 --> 01:13:15,720
We can't do this.
1327
01:13:15,720 --> 01:13:16,820
You don't even love me.
1328
01:13:16,820 --> 01:13:18,860
No, but I lurve you.
1329
01:13:18,860 --> 01:13:20,330
We're evolving,
1330
01:13:20,330 --> 01:13:22,330
and this is just a legal
procedure, that's it.
1331
01:13:22,330 --> 01:13:24,530
I know it is, for you.
1332
01:13:24,530 --> 01:13:27,170
That's not what marriage is
to me.
1333
01:13:27,170 --> 01:13:29,170
I'm not fighting
1334
01:13:29,170 --> 01:13:31,600
for the right to make
a political statement.
1335
01:13:31,600 --> 01:13:33,340
I'm asking my country
to recognize me
1336
01:13:33,340 --> 01:13:35,710
for who I am
and the family I want to make,
1337
01:13:35,710 --> 01:13:37,680
and this isn't it.
1338
01:13:37,680 --> 01:13:43,020
Are you saying you don't want
to make a family with me?
1339
01:13:43,020 --> 01:13:45,120
I guess I am.
1340
01:13:45,120 --> 01:13:47,090
I mean, I lurve you...
1341
01:13:49,560 --> 01:13:50,690
but...
1342
01:13:52,760 --> 01:13:54,090
I love somebody else.
1343
01:13:58,760 --> 01:14:01,270
You've always been there.
It's always been you.
1344
01:14:01,270 --> 01:14:03,800
It's always been you.
1345
01:14:03,800 --> 01:14:06,770
I just I didn't realize it...
1346
01:14:06,770 --> 01:14:08,110
Until now.
1347
01:14:09,740 --> 01:14:14,110
One minute.
1348
01:14:14,110 --> 01:14:16,980
I'm really sorry.
1349
01:14:16,980 --> 01:14:20,020
Go ahead, kiss him.
1350
01:14:23,760 --> 01:14:25,890
You were my best friend,
1351
01:14:25,890 --> 01:14:29,630
then my boyfriend,
1352
01:14:29,630 --> 01:14:31,560
and then my best man,
1353
01:14:31,560 --> 01:14:33,630
- and now--
- Thirty seconds.
1354
01:14:33,630 --> 01:14:35,230
Is somebody going
to get married or what?
1355
01:14:51,250 --> 01:14:52,890
What a day it's been.
1356
01:14:52,890 --> 01:14:54,650
What a life it's going to be.
1357
01:15:01,730 --> 01:15:03,030
One Penny.
1358
01:15:03,030 --> 01:15:04,300
Ooh.
1359
01:15:04,300 --> 01:15:05,930
And one Lilly.
1360
01:15:05,930 --> 01:15:07,370
Thank you, Luis.
1361
01:15:07,370 --> 01:15:09,370
We're gonna miss you, Luis.
1362
01:15:09,370 --> 01:15:12,040
Oh, you will forget me
once you leave this place.
1363
01:15:12,040 --> 01:15:13,710
- Never.
- Probably.
1364
01:15:13,710 --> 01:15:15,110
Hm.
1365
01:15:16,640 --> 01:15:20,450
So how do you feel
now that you're a woman?
1366
01:15:20,450 --> 01:15:22,180
Not that different than before.
1367
01:15:22,180 --> 01:15:23,850
Just a little more...
1368
01:15:23,850 --> 01:15:27,650
I don't know, powerful.
1369
01:15:27,650 --> 01:15:30,560
I'll be asking you the same
question in a few weeks.
1370
01:15:30,560 --> 01:15:33,730
And you'll probably
get the same answer.
1371
01:15:33,730 --> 01:15:39,430
To a beautiful weekend.
To two beautiful women.
1372
01:15:39,430 --> 01:15:41,270
Cheers.
1373
01:15:43,270 --> 01:15:44,800
Shall we?
1374
01:15:52,910 --> 01:15:56,250
You're awful frisky
for a jilted groom.
1375
01:15:56,250 --> 01:15:57,980
Hey, it sucks to break up,
1376
01:15:57,980 --> 01:16:00,520
but that's
why they invented rebounds.
1377
01:16:00,520 --> 01:16:02,250
Rebounds are my specialty.
1378
01:16:06,190 --> 01:16:09,830
And three-ways--
Those are my specialty.
1379
01:16:19,100 --> 01:16:22,110
For a second there I thought
we were gonna get married.
1380
01:16:22,110 --> 01:16:23,980
I know.
So did I.
1381
01:16:23,980 --> 01:16:25,710
Can you imagine?
1382
01:16:25,710 --> 01:16:27,910
Well, yeah.
1383
01:16:27,910 --> 01:16:29,750
Me, too.
1384
01:16:29,750 --> 01:16:33,120
So we both love each other.
So now what?
1385
01:16:33,120 --> 01:16:35,490
You mean what if
we get bored again?
1386
01:16:35,490 --> 01:16:37,160
Yeah.
1387
01:16:37,160 --> 01:16:39,690
I guess
we could always break up.
1388
01:16:39,690 --> 01:16:42,390
And then lie, trick,
and seduce our way
1389
01:16:42,390 --> 01:16:44,200
back into each other's hearts.
1390
01:16:44,200 --> 01:16:46,900
Sounds like a plan.
1391
01:16:46,900 --> 01:16:50,270
We are so weird.
1392
01:16:50,270 --> 01:16:52,470
♪ So I asked for love ♪
1393
01:16:52,470 --> 01:16:56,210
♪ I asked for a song ♪
1394
01:16:56,210 --> 01:16:59,480
- ♪ And there'll be joy ♪
- ♪ There'll be joy ♪
1395
01:16:59,480 --> 01:17:01,280
- ♪ Joy ♪
- ♪ There'll be joy ♪
1396
01:17:01,280 --> 01:17:04,080
♪ Joy ♪
1397
01:17:04,080 --> 01:17:06,120
♪ I searched for peace ♪
1398
01:17:06,120 --> 01:17:07,950
♪ I begged for health ♪
1399
01:17:07,950 --> 01:17:11,460
- ♪ And I Prayed for time ♪
- ♪ Prayed for time ♪
1400
01:17:11,460 --> 01:17:14,730
- ♪ And there'll be joy ♪
- ♪ There'll be joy ♪
1401
01:17:14,730 --> 01:17:16,730
- ♪ Joy ♪
- ♪ There'll be joy ♪
1402
01:17:16,730 --> 01:17:20,530
♪ Joy ♪
1403
01:17:20,530 --> 01:17:22,300
♪♪
1404
01:17:27,170 --> 01:17:29,340
♪ I searched for peace ♪
1405
01:17:29,340 --> 01:17:31,180
♪ I begged for health ♪
1406
01:17:31,180 --> 01:17:33,080
♪ And I prayed for time ♪
1407
01:17:33,080 --> 01:17:35,150
♪ Prayed for time ♪
1408
01:17:35,150 --> 01:17:38,220
- ♪ And there'll be joy ♪
- ♪ There'll be joy ♪
1409
01:17:38,220 --> 01:17:40,220
- ♪ Joy ♪
- ♪ There'll be joy ♪
1410
01:17:40,220 --> 01:17:42,420
♪ Joy ♪
1411
01:17:56,230 --> 01:17:58,740
♪ Took a walk alone today ♪
1412
01:17:58,740 --> 01:18:01,170
♪ First time
I'd seen the sun ♪
1413
01:18:01,170 --> 01:18:04,710
♪ The oceans, every blade
of grass, and I ♪
1414
01:18:04,710 --> 01:18:06,710
♪ We all live as one ♪
1415
01:18:06,710 --> 01:18:09,620
♪ Two birds
in a yellowwood tree ♪
1416
01:18:09,620 --> 01:18:12,050
♪ I wish our love
would always be ♪
1417
01:18:12,050 --> 01:18:14,550
♪ I've seen
the works of heaven ♪
1418
01:18:14,550 --> 01:18:17,660
♪ But it took your love
to set me free ♪
1419
01:18:17,660 --> 01:18:20,630
♪ I've seen the wonders
of the world ♪
1420
01:18:20,630 --> 01:18:23,500
♪ Stood on mountains
green and tall ♪
1421
01:18:23,500 --> 01:18:26,670
♪ Seen kingdoms
rise and fall ♪
1422
01:18:26,670 --> 01:18:28,870
♪ All for love and war ♪
1423
01:18:28,870 --> 01:18:31,600
♪ Yet I yearn to understand ♪
1424
01:18:31,600 --> 01:18:34,540
♪ The amazement in my hands ♪
1425
01:18:34,540 --> 01:18:37,540
♪ There's nothing
on this land ♪
1426
01:18:37,540 --> 01:18:41,610
♪ Like you ♪
1427
01:18:44,420 --> 01:18:46,890
♪ You ♪
1428
01:18:46,890 --> 01:18:49,950
♪ Amaze me ♪
1429
01:18:49,950 --> 01:18:52,820
♪ Thought about
how you made me see ♪
1430
01:18:52,820 --> 01:18:55,390
♪ And how the colors
came to life in me ♪
1431
01:18:55,390 --> 01:18:57,730
♪ When I saw a butterfly ♪
1432
01:18:57,730 --> 01:19:00,800
♪ Dance upon destiny ♪
1433
01:19:00,800 --> 01:19:03,440
♪ And I watched it
rise up and fly ♪
1434
01:19:03,440 --> 01:19:06,070
♪ It was then
I saw you and I ♪
1435
01:19:06,070 --> 01:19:08,870
♪ I feel
like a little child ♪
1436
01:19:08,870 --> 01:19:11,680
♪ On its first breath
of life ♪
1437
01:19:11,680 --> 01:19:14,750
♪ I've seen the wonders
of the world ♪
1438
01:19:14,750 --> 01:19:17,420
♪ Stood on mountains
green and tall ♪
1439
01:19:17,420 --> 01:19:20,590
♪ Seen kingdoms
rise and fall ♪
1440
01:19:20,590 --> 01:19:22,890
♪ All for love and war ♪
1441
01:19:22,890 --> 01:19:25,660
♪ Yet I yearn to understand ♪
1442
01:19:25,660 --> 01:19:28,590
♪ The amazement in my hands ♪
1443
01:19:28,590 --> 01:19:31,600
♪ There's nothing
on this land ♪
1444
01:19:31,600 --> 01:19:35,670
♪ Like you ♪
1445
01:19:35,670 --> 01:19:38,470
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
1446
01:19:38,470 --> 01:19:40,940
♪ You ♪
1447
01:19:40,940 --> 01:19:45,680
♪ Amaze me ♪
1448
01:19:45,680 --> 01:19:49,180
♪ Yeah, yeah, whoa... ♪
1449
01:19:49,180 --> 01:19:51,650
♪ When I count
the compromises ♪
1450
01:19:51,650 --> 01:19:55,450
♪ Showed me like... inside ♪
1451
01:19:55,450 --> 01:19:57,790
♪ And I saw you ♪
1452
01:19:57,790 --> 01:20:00,360
♪ I've seen the wonders
of the world ♪
1453
01:20:00,360 --> 01:20:03,000
♪ Stood on mountains
green and tall ♪
1454
01:20:03,000 --> 01:20:06,370
♪ Seen kingdoms
rise and fall ♪
1455
01:20:06,370 --> 01:20:08,570
♪ All for love and war ♪
1456
01:20:08,570 --> 01:20:11,300
♪ Yet I yearn to understand ♪
1457
01:20:11,300 --> 01:20:14,040
♪ The amazement in my hands ♪
1458
01:20:14,040 --> 01:20:17,240
♪ There's nothing
on this land ♪
1459
01:20:17,240 --> 01:20:19,750
♪ Like you ♪
1460
01:20:19,750 --> 01:20:22,650
♪ There's nothing
on this land ♪
1461
01:20:22,650 --> 01:20:28,520
♪ Like you ♪
1462
01:20:29,590 --> 01:20:32,360
♪ You ♪
1463
01:20:32,360 --> 01:20:35,130
♪ Amaze me ♪
1464
01:20:42,800 --> 01:20:45,540
You are 10 kinds of sexy.
1465
01:20:45,540 --> 01:20:48,070
How do you feel
about open relationships?
1466
01:20:49,910 --> 01:20:51,580
Intrigued.
1467
01:20:51,580 --> 01:20:54,280
Do you maybe want
to go out on a date?
1468
01:20:54,280 --> 01:20:58,120
I'd like that.
1469
01:20:58,120 --> 01:21:00,990
Can I come?
1470
01:21:00,990 --> 01:21:04,260
Just kidding.
I'm a Republican Congressman.
1471
01:21:04,260 --> 01:21:05,690
Can you imagine if that got out?
1472
01:21:13,000 --> 01:21:15,570
♪ Do you like what you see? ♪
1473
01:21:15,570 --> 01:21:18,500
♪ I keep entertaining ♪
1474
01:21:18,500 --> 01:21:22,070
♪ Why won't you let me be? ♪
1475
01:21:22,070 --> 01:21:25,110
♪ Me be? ♪
1476
01:21:25,110 --> 01:21:28,680
♪ So what
am I supposed to do? ♪
1477
01:21:28,680 --> 01:21:31,420
♪ To do business with you? ♪
1478
01:21:31,420 --> 01:21:34,150
♪ I like your company ♪
1479
01:21:34,150 --> 01:21:37,460
♪ Your company ♪
1480
01:21:37,460 --> 01:21:40,360
♪ Keep it professional ♪
1481
01:21:40,360 --> 01:21:41,730
♪ Keep it ♪
1482
01:21:41,730 --> 01:21:43,860
♪ Keep it professional ♪
1483
01:21:43,860 --> 01:21:47,230
♪ Extra! Extra!
Read all about it ♪
1484
01:21:47,230 --> 01:21:50,100
♪♪
1485
01:21:50,100 --> 01:21:53,170
♪ Keep it professional... ♪
1486
01:21:56,780 --> 01:22:01,280
♪ Extra, extra, extra ♪
1487
01:22:01,280 --> 01:22:02,980
♪ Read all about it ♪
95759
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