Original subtitles

Ow! Don't step on me, you idiot!

Ah! Don't touch me! Stop, you pervert!

Don't push me! Go the other way, you smell!

— Hey, you're pulling my hair! — Move! Get outta my way!

What idiot got me into this potato-scrubbing machine?!

Come out and show your face!

Don't look at me.

That would be me.

But, you said you were willing to try the Rush Hour Experience Tour.

You know, there is such a thing as going too far.

That's right. Just like how a miniskirt should only be so short.

Oh, I like miniskirts.

That's not the point!

Omokagebashi. This is Omokagebashi.

Next is the final stop, Waseda. Waseda.

Hey, look!

Someone is drying their laundry on a clothesline. This is fascinating!

You can really get a feel for how people lived their lives.

Of course. That's the whole selling point of this place.

Honestly, Kei, you're such a stick in the mud.

The train will be pausing for a traffic light.

Wow, they're actually eating a meal.

That might be a real family, though\hI\hguess it's not important.

Look at that overacting. This is all just a gimmick for the Metropolitan Train Tour.

Then the train stopping here is all part of the show?

That's taro. It's slippery, and hard to grasp.

It's indigenous to the swamp areas of\hthe\hAsiatic monsoon region of Terra.

Though I guess it's not important.

What's "not important" is all your stupid exposition.

Dirty Pair Flash 2

Chance! Rushing through the world at super-high speed

Chance! Girigiri no supeedo de sekai wo kakenukeru

I'm in love with the thrill that no one else can give me

Mou daremo todokanai suriru ni koishite

You can't stand it, but you can't hate it, either

Kuyashii kedo nikumenai

Leaving behind a smile like that

Sonna egao nokoshite

When I'm shooting for romance,

Romantic wo shooting

I always hit my mark

Nerai wa hazusanai

Softly touching that snow-white chest

Shiroi mune wo kasumeteku

I'm a sniper who aims for love

Koi wo nerau sniper

Thrills are always sexy

Suriru wa itsumo sexy

Don't underestimate me!

Amaku minaide yo

Once I start running, I am...

Hashiri dashitara watashi wa

Non-stop, non-stop, non-stop

Nobody can stop me, I'm a...

Mou dare ni mo tomerarenai

Non-stop angel!

Chance! As you hold your breath and look my way,

Chance! Iki wo tome mitsumeteru

I take aim at you

Anata wo neratteru

It's far too late, I'm in love with the thrill

Mou osoi te wo kure yo, suriru ni koishite

Chance! Our passions run wild toward that far-off horizon

Chance! Jounetsu ga kakenukeru haruka na chiheisen

The two of us are like the wind

Watshitachi kaze ni naru,

Our lives burning bright

Inochi ga moeagaru

I want to feel it with you,

Futari de kanjitai

the next future that awaits us

Tsugi no mirai wo

Last stop, Waseda Station.

Please remember to collect all personal belongings.

Tokyo Holiday Network

This is the last stop? A place like this?

Then how do we get to Shinjuku?

We'll manage. It'll work out.

Touma, we were assigned to be your bodyguards here.

Don't just say "It'll work out." Do something about it!

— Me? — Who else?

Hey, they had taxis in this era, right?

So let's take a taxi from here.

Touma the Clueless is seriously pissing me off!

Once we get through this shopping centre, we'll be on a major street for sure.

So this is what it was like to go shopping 300 years ago, huh?

I wonder what's going on there?

Though the Narita Spaceport is currently closed due to maintenance on the main control system,

a small spacecraft made a forced landing there earlier today.

There was some minor damage as it collided with parked shuttles.

That's not fair! That landing was great! Why would they make a fuss about it?

No matter how you look at it, it's your fault in the end.

The control tower was closed and the beacon was down!

I should get a medal for making that landing manually.

Spaceport operations will resume once the maintenance work on the main computer is finished.

Please bear with us a little longer.

Geez, they still don't have it working?

How long are we going to be stuck here?

For those customers whose return has been delayed, World's World would like to assure you...

that your food, lodging and return passage will be paid for in full.

Please take this opportunity to enjoy World's World a little longer.

All right! This means I'm still on break from school!

It's like getting an extension on my vacation. This is the perfect excuse for my boss!

We can just sit back, relax and enjoy ourselves.

In other words, the length of all these people's vacations depends on Touma's skills.

How did a guy like that ever become a TroCon?

There's gotta be something wrong with the 3WA.

Well, it looks like that TroCon has gone missing.

There he is, that bastard.

Not here either...

What isn't here?

Oh, we can pick up a cab here. Right, ma'am?

I don't understand him. I can't figure out how he thinks.

That's what makes him interesting. He's a lot more complex than you!

You looking for a fight?

Wow! I've heard people talk about old roads\hbefore. So this is what they were like, huh?

Here we go! Cars that run on gasoline!

Wow, this thing is lame.

Where do you wish to go?

Um, a place called Shinjuku please.

Which part of Shinjuku do you need?

— Which part? — Kabukicho.

All right, then.

That's strange. If you will excuse me a moment...

Is this thing reliable?

Excuse me, I'm getting out as well.

What's with you, all of a sudden?

Wait a minute!

The old woman's waving to me. She must have found the brand of cigarettes that I was looking for.

— Is it a gift for the Chief? — No, it's for myself.

I collect labels from old cigarette brands.

Kabukicho Ichibangai

Here we go. This is the area that the Chief was talking about.

Wow, look how crowded and cluttered it is.

The guidebook says that they "recreated the world's brightest and noisiest arcade."

Touma, don't go off on your own.

Somebody's after us, so keep your guard up or you're finished.

For now, just make sure to stay close to us.

You two seem to have a lot of people harbouring grudges against you.

You idiot! We're not the target.

Then who is?

— You. — Me?

That makes no sense. Who would be after me?

We have no idea!

And that taxi driver disappeared...

That bastard, he's gonna pay dearly when I catch up to him.

What's up?

The guy who just walked by was so handsome!

You've gotta be kidding.

Huh? Touma's gone.

Ah, there he is.

Off in his own little world again.

Touma, we told you to stay close.

Even in a large city like this, there are little birds here.

I wonder what they eat?

Idiot! Who cares about that crap. We need to find Snack Bar Juno!

There's a World's World office in that snack bar, right?

And once we're there, we have to sit through a torturously boring briefing!

Juno, Juno... Look at all these signs. How\hare we supposed to find it in here?

What a sight...

Isn't it kind of weird for an office to be in a snack bar to begin with? Maybe they're renting the space?

Take a look, Yuri.

Hey, that's right! Asking the locals is the best way.

Did you get an answer, Touma?

Yes! They subsist on bread crumbs and other leftovers.

I'll kill him!

Snack Bar Juno

Here it is.

They run a theme park this big, and this is it? They must be some kind of cheapskates.

They've definitely got to be renting.

Excuse me.

Um, is there a Gold Ohara at this address?

We were told to come here.

Who are you?

We're from the 3WA.

Thanks, but no thanks.

Huh?

You're insurance saleswomen, right?

No, we're not.

Car saleswomen?

We're nothing of the sort!

I've got it, you sell make-up.

Don't you understand "no" when you hear it, you knucklehead?!

If you're looking for Mr. Gold\hOhara, he's right behind you.

You're the one who gave me a flier.

I'm Gold Ohara, the man you're looking for.

Oh? So you're the ones who made that forced landing and recklessly—

I mean, you're the 3WA Trouble Consultants.

Hey, get me the Chief of Security.

Let me introduce you.

It seems these three are the TroCons the 3WA sent to help us.

These people? But they're so young.

Age doesn't mean anything at the 3WA. What's\himportant is your brains and your courage!

But in Kei's case, she falls short in the brains department, right?

At any rate, the Central Computer chose us.

It appointed me and that airhead to handle this case.

The Central Computer at the 3WA is known as one of the top-class super-systems in the galaxy.

Now you're coming around.

Ah, please forgive our rudeness. And you are?

I'm Touma, the networking TroCon.

I'll be conducting repairs on the computer that has the virus infection.

We're his bodyguards.

Bodyguards?

The Chief wouldn't shut up about Touma needing bodyguards.

Though as it turns out, he was right.

I was informed of the taxi-bomb terrorist attack.

Looks like we have no time to spare. Why\hdon't we get started right away?

Wow, it's like we're entering a secret base!

This is no secret.

As you know, World's World is a theme park that's currently under construction.

Our motto is "The fusion of knowledge and fun."

We try to recreate the civilizations and cultures that once existed on Earth, our former home world.

That's why all forms of modern technology have been placed behind the scenes,

where they remain hidden from the eyes of the tourists.

Why were you dressed up like a clown?

That's one of our company's policies.

Even high-level executives are required to do field research, to better grasp customers' needs.

Wow! So this is the control room for all of World's World...

That's correct.

At present, we have already completed a late 1990s Tokyo area.

There is also a New York area currently under construction,

and London and Shanghai areas currently in the planning stages.

There will be many areas from various places and eras, all controlled from this centre.

Maintenance, administration, control, construction, and all other operational aspects...

are centrally controlled by our Silica 2000 computer.

Whoa!

Actually, I was the one who put this computer system together.

Three years ago, when they were going to reconstruct the computer system here,

some of your officials visited my university, and I ended up working with them.

I admit I'm taken aback.

That must be why the chairman instructed us to contact the 3WA when this accident occurred.

But really, you made this?

It's news to me as well. Why didn't you tell us?

Nobody asked me. I didn't think it was that important.

When was the virus infection confirmed?

Ninety-one hours ago.

To prevent contamination, we cut the line, closed\hthe airport and shut down the hyperwave datalink.

Furthermore, all areas of World's World have been placed under quarantine.

Contacting the 3WA was accomplished via an emergency standalone system.

As for the risk of a binary data source breakdown, all\hdata through Module Level 67 is confirmed clear.

Currently, we are using a vaccinated unit in an attempt to recreate the situation through simulation.

Those sounds like ideal countermeasures.

Have you been able to isolate the security breach where the virus entered,

and its route through the system?

Unfortunately, that is still under investigation.

Silica 2000, do you remember me? Or has your memory from three years ago been erased?

It has been a long time, Touma.

I understand you have a virus. How are you doing?

Thanks to rapid isolation of the infected areas and the immunization routine's quality construction,

all systems are operating reliably and securely.

The infected areas are: Perception\hField\hKernel, Districts 28 through 5097.

Language Field Kernel, Districts 114, 981, and 6036.

Artificial Personality Correction\hKernel, Districts 3, 14, 15...

Okay, I've got it.

Forward the report to the kernel. Initialize the cerebrum area.

Do you still retain control over the Artificial Personality Correction Kernel?

Yes, I do.

Thank God.

Well, it looks like your frontal lobe and central nervous system are still intact.

Now I'd like to give you a vaccine program that I've created for you.

Please open I/O bus channel 209144.

You might be uncomfortable for a while, but just hang in there.

Come in.

So you two are the Dirty Pair?

— Lovely Angels! — Lovely Angels!

My name is Poporo. I'm your new\hchief, Garner's replacement.

Is there something wrong?

Yeah, my head.

Do you find headaches to be funny?

Poporo here.

I know! I'll buy it on my way home from work.

600 grams of pork loin, right? I got it, honey.

Well then, about your next assignment.

You will be acting as bodyguards.

Bodyguards? For who?

The main computer at a theme park has been hit with an unknown virus.

For some reason, the 3WA has been called in to investigate and eliminate the virus.

This is Touma, a network TroCon.

He will investigate the virus and eliminate\hit. Your job is to guard him.

You'll receive further details in the field.

Poporo here.

I thought I said I'd handle it!

What? Some green peppers?

Is one bag enough?

Anything else?

Tomatoes?

This is the worst mission.

There's not one handsome, rich guy here!

Check bus channel 500105.

Redirect the error level output of the anti-virus unit TZ-25 to the VPP.

Redirection completed.

I found another infected area in the Language Field Kernel, District 908.

Well, we could track down the jerk who tried to bump us off.

Hey, Mr. Chief!

Who would benefit the most from World's World's computer going haywire?

Oh, I'm sure Cosmo Planet must be overjoyed by this.

Cosmo Planet?

The Afghanistan Warlords Experience, Australian\hKangaroo\hRanch, Borneo Rain Forest Tour...

They run things like that, right?

Yes. They launch theme parks similar to ours and compete for our customer base.

If the system that runs a popular theme park crashes,

then the customers will leave for another place that provides similar experiences.

That's why they're after Touma. If the virus is eliminated, then their plans are wasted.

We've got a good hypothesis going\hhere! This will be a snap!

So they came up with such a simple plan that even Kei could figure it out, huh?

What's that supposed to mean?

But, if that is the case, that means the perpetrator is still lurking around here somewhere.

If the virus doesn't work, then they'll try something\helse, like blowing up the facilities.

Those are grave predictions. We'll\hhave to strengthen security.

I'll leave at once to give my people instructions.

We have lunch ready for you now.

Lunch?!

Mr. Ohara had it prepared for you.

Oh, will it be an executive luncheon?

If you lower the console rate to 200\hgigs, you should be able to catch it.

— Touma, it's time for lunch! — I will carry out the operation.

I wonder what it'll be? Since it's lunch, I hope it isn't a full course of French cuisine!

I'd love to have an Italian lunch.

What is this?

It's ramen and gyoza delivered from nearby.

I was told to let you enjoy the cuisine of this era's commoners.

Boss' orders!

My, how thoughtful of them.

But we don't have to go back in time 300 years to eat this stuff.

Touma!

Huh? What is it?

Get over here!

You alive?

I'm all right...

...I think.

Hey, what the?

This is an android used for events. Somebody\hscrewed with its programming.

Bastard!

That's it! I've had enough! I'm gonna hunt them down!

That's it, Touma. Just keep on walking as if you're in your own little world.

Someone's watching you. Keep your guard up.

I got a great girl for you, mister. C'mon, mister!

What do you want? Please stop!

Why, you!

What are you doing?!

Transvestites were part of the popular culture of the 20th Century!

Why are you discriminating against me?!

You should understand! You're a transvestite yourself!

I am a woman!

No way!

Yes, we have a special room waiting for you on behalf of Mr. Ohara.

But what of your companions?

Oh, I see, they'll be arriving later tonight. Then let me show you to your room.

This will be your room. Please have a relaxing night.

Excuse me.

Here's the meal that you ordered.

But I didn't order anything...

Oh no, that's fine.

This is all there is on the menu.

A-Actually, I'm a really picky eater, so\hI'd\hrather avoid something like that.

Wait, you're...

You were at Juno.

You have an exceptional memory. You\hcan fix computers in the afterlife.

You're going to kill me? But I\hhaven't been with a girl yet!

Oh, I'm sure you can take care of\hthat in the afterlife, too. Probably.

So, you set the ramen bombs?

That was me. I also set the taxi bomb.

How was the virus introduced into the computer?

I have no idea.

You don't know?

My only job is to get rid of you and prevent the elimination of the virus.

And I'll be done with that in just a second.

Bastard!

Nooo!

You won't get away!

Here it is. This is where Goto\hAbiko, the bartender, lived.

When did he start working for us?

According to our records, he joined us two years ago.

Was it Cosmo Planet?

We're investigating right now, but it appears that he was a freelance hitman.

It's unlikely that we'll be able to implicate those who hired him.

He said nothing about the introduction of the virus?

Correct, but the fact that he has a terminal here...

I see. Using that, he could very well have done it.

Well, it looks like this case is all wrapped up,

now that the vaccine is completed.

Oh, wow. The whole building's messed up!

Who cares? The computer's fixed and the hitman blew himself up.

All we have to do now is go home!

That won't be possible.

What?

We can't go back yet.

We have to go through all the system components,

and do a burn-in test of all computer functions before we can remove it from quarantine.

There might be an unidentified, transforming\hvirus still hibernating somewhere.

How long will something like that take?

At the very least, no less than two weeks.

Two weeks?!

Yeah, but we've finished our job, right?

We don't have to do anything now, right?

We could have the time of our lives for two weeks,

and no one could complain!

We'll just get ourselves a new room!

After that, all that's left to do is have fun.

Of course, we'll keep this a secret from the chief.

Who's the one that fell in love?

Koi wo shita no dare dare

Come over here

Koko ni oide yo

It's like magic, isn't it?

Marude mahou da yo ne da yo ne

This beating of my heart

Konna ni mune ga

Thump thump

Doki doki

Just like that

Suru no wa

Hey, the truth is dreams are all around you

Ne maji ni wa yume ga afureru

And you can't make them bloom by yourself

Sou hitori ja sakasenai yo

Stop the clock

Tokei wo tomete

Snap your shoes

Kutsu wo narashite

Let's do something that no one can teach us

Daremo oshiete kurenai koto shiyou

The sun up above is looking down at the two of us

Ohisama mo ima futari wo miteru

Let's toss aside all the drama with a smile

Dramatic nante koto wa warai tobashichae

I really like you

Kimi ga daisuki

Such a wonderful holiday

Suteki na holiday

It has nothing to do with romance

Romantic nante koto wa kankei nai yo ne

I really like you...

Kimi ga daisuki

Preview

Oh, no! I dreamed about taking a test, yuck.

Hmph, I don't have dreams like that. I dream about getting arrested by the police.

Well, of course. You barely went to school at all.

And I'll never go to a place like that again!

Well, that's too bad for you, because we're going to be students at a girls' school!

You idiot. I'm not going. Yuri, you can go there alone.

Oh, no you don't! You're going to\hwear this uniform and go to class!

A skirt?!

Hey, wait! Stop! You're killing me!

Next Episode

Mysterious High School Seventeen

Next episode will be "Mysterious\hHigh School Seventeen"!