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1
00:00:01,687 --> 00:00:04,097
Cheers is filmed before
a live studio audience.
2
00:00:05,941 --> 00:00:08,076
Well, here are the
proud parents-to-be.
3
00:00:08,144 --> 00:00:09,978
Yes, and we've been shopping.
4
00:00:09,979 --> 00:00:11,930
Yeah, look what we found.
Pretty neat, huh?
5
00:00:11,931 --> 00:00:13,415
Oh that's perfect.
6
00:00:13,416 --> 00:00:15,717
It'll do wonders for his motor
skills and his mental acuity.
7
00:00:15,718 --> 00:00:18,370
Oh, yeah. Check this out, we
got one for the baby, too.
8
00:00:19,839 --> 00:00:23,575
Our next city councilman,
ladies and gentlemen!
9
00:00:23,576 --> 00:00:26,344
Boy, it's gonna be tough finding
a replacement for you, Woody.
10
00:00:26,345 --> 00:00:28,113
Well, why would you want
to replace me, Sam?
11
00:00:28,114 --> 00:00:29,581
Well, you can't tend bar here
12
00:00:29,648 --> 00:00:31,483
and be a councilman
at the same time.
13
00:00:31,551 --> 00:00:32,750
That's a full-time job.
14
00:00:32,818 --> 00:00:34,402
It is, Sam? Yeah.
15
00:00:34,470 --> 00:00:37,606
And working here at Cheers
is a full-time job, too.
16
00:00:37,674 --> 00:00:39,240
It is, Sam?
17
00:00:39,308 --> 00:00:41,176
Yes.
18
00:00:41,177 --> 00:00:43,261
Well, can't I tend bar
at least sometimes?
19
00:00:43,262 --> 00:00:46,698
I mean, what all does a city
councilman have to do anyway?
20
00:00:46,699 --> 00:00:48,216
Well, Woody, our present
councilman, Kevin Fogerty,
21
00:00:48,217 --> 00:00:50,519
rises at the crack of dawn,
6:30 to be exact.
22
00:00:50,586 --> 00:00:53,221
Then he showers,
shaves, goes downstairs
23
00:00:53,222 --> 00:00:55,423
for a leisurely breakfast
with his wife Estelle.
24
00:00:55,424 --> 00:00:57,258
Then he takes his son
Joseph, eight,
25
00:00:57,259 --> 00:01:00,379
and Hillary, 11, to the
Fenwick Elementary School.
26
00:01:00,446 --> 00:01:02,247
At least that was his routine
27
00:01:02,315 --> 00:01:06,385
before, the court order
deprived me of my right to know.
28
00:01:07,636 --> 00:01:10,805
Big Brother, my friends,
Big Brother!
29
00:01:12,024 --> 00:01:14,042
Years from now,
they're gonna ask me
30
00:01:14,110 --> 00:01:16,245
why I didn't see the signs.
31
00:01:22,919 --> 00:01:25,170
♪ Sometimes you want to go ♪
32
00:01:25,237 --> 00:01:28,740
♪ Where everybody
knows your name ♪
33
00:01:30,677 --> 00:01:34,780
♪ And they're always
glad you came ♪
34
00:01:34,848 --> 00:01:37,883
♪ You wanna be
where you can see ♪
35
00:01:37,951 --> 00:01:40,218
♪ Our troubles
are all the same ♪
36
00:01:40,286 --> 00:01:45,290
♪ You wanna go where
everybody knows your name. ♪
37
00:02:01,429 --> 00:02:05,276
I guess I'd better
call the newspaper
38
00:02:05,277 --> 00:02:08,245
and put an ad in there looking
for an assistant bartender, huh?
39
00:02:08,246 --> 00:02:10,014
All right, all right, Sammy.
40
00:02:10,081 --> 00:02:12,684
Let me fill out an application.
41
00:02:12,751 --> 00:02:13,801
Sammy... What?
42
00:02:13,802 --> 00:02:15,520
What about me?
I'd be a great bartender.
43
00:02:15,521 --> 00:02:16,971
Oh, come on, are you kidding me?
44
00:02:16,972 --> 00:02:18,306
With those powerhouse
drinks you make?
45
00:02:18,307 --> 00:02:19,673
Aw, come on!
46
00:02:19,674 --> 00:02:21,693
Sweetheart, the last time
I let you tend bar
47
00:02:21,694 --> 00:02:23,945
there were 12 people who
made a naked conga line
48
00:02:23,946 --> 00:02:26,047
all the way out
to the commons there.
49
00:02:26,115 --> 00:02:29,917
And Phil over there tried
to join the Flying Wallendas.
50
00:02:29,985 --> 00:02:34,271
I tell you, I sobered up
real fast on that high wire.
51
00:02:34,340 --> 00:02:35,640
Phew.
52
00:02:35,641 --> 00:02:40,345
All right, so I made the drinks
a little strong that night.
53
00:02:40,346 --> 00:02:41,645
It's not gonna happen again.
54
00:02:41,646 --> 00:02:43,547
Come on, Sammy, I could
really use the money.
55
00:02:43,548 --> 00:02:45,116
You won't be sorry.
56
00:02:45,117 --> 00:02:47,435
Yeah, all right, go ahead,
I'll give you a shot. Yes!
57
00:02:47,436 --> 00:02:48,970
Now hold it a second!
58
00:02:48,971 --> 00:02:51,272
I'm the one who's supposed to
make the decisions around here.
59
00:02:51,273 --> 00:02:52,373
I am the manager.
60
00:02:52,441 --> 00:02:54,592
Now, to whom
61
00:02:54,659 --> 00:02:57,162
should I give this
job of bartender?
62
00:02:57,229 --> 00:03:00,119
How would you like me to rip
out your still-beating heart
63
00:03:00,132 --> 00:03:03,301
and show it to you before
you hit the ground?
64
00:03:03,369 --> 00:03:07,372
I've got it! How about Carla?
65
00:03:07,373 --> 00:03:09,139
You know something, with
Carla being our new bartender,
66
00:03:09,140 --> 00:03:10,520
we're gonna need a waitress.
67
00:03:10,521 --> 00:03:12,810
Why don't you get on the phone
and call the agency
68
00:03:12,811 --> 00:03:13,811
and hire one?
69
00:03:13,812 --> 00:03:15,132
Think you can manage that?
70
00:03:15,146 --> 00:03:17,348
Yes, I think I can manage that!
71
00:03:17,416 --> 00:03:20,718
But could you dial?
I just had my nails done.
72
00:03:20,786 --> 00:03:21,920
And could you talk?
73
00:03:21,987 --> 00:03:25,356
I get uncomfortable
talking to strangers.
74
00:03:25,357 --> 00:03:27,117
Well, Carla, congratulations
on your new job.
75
00:03:27,976 --> 00:03:29,660
Here's to Carla,
our new bartender!
76
00:03:29,661 --> 00:03:30,695
Hear, hear, hear.
77
00:03:30,696 --> 00:03:32,496
Yeah, Carla, why don't
you fire up a pitcher
78
00:03:32,497 --> 00:03:33,965
of those lethal
cocktails that you make?
79
00:03:33,966 --> 00:03:35,967
Just don't tell Sammy, okay?
80
00:03:35,968 --> 00:03:38,236
I'm gonna make you one pitcher
of a little drink
81
00:03:38,237 --> 00:03:39,804
my grandfather taught me.
82
00:03:39,871 --> 00:03:43,441
It's called, "I Know
My Redeemer Liveth."
83
00:03:45,244 --> 00:03:46,394
Is it strong?
84
00:03:46,461 --> 00:03:47,595
"Is it strong?"
85
00:03:47,663 --> 00:03:50,253
One drink and you won't
recognize your best friend.
86
00:03:51,483 --> 00:03:53,484
Make mine a double.
87
00:03:59,741 --> 00:04:03,044
Sam, this place is just a mess.
88
00:04:03,111 --> 00:04:04,496
Yeah, I know.
89
00:04:04,497 --> 00:04:06,864
Carla made one of her
specialty drinks last night.
90
00:04:06,865 --> 00:04:07,999
Things got out of hand.
91
00:04:10,485 --> 00:04:13,387
Morning everybody.
92
00:04:13,388 --> 00:04:14,555
Norm!
93
00:04:18,592 --> 00:04:21,212
How are you feeling, Norm?
94
00:04:21,213 --> 00:04:23,347
Terrible.
95
00:04:23,415 --> 00:04:25,283
A splitting headache.
96
00:04:25,350 --> 00:04:27,518
And I think I might be sick.
97
00:04:27,586 --> 00:04:29,087
Can I have a beer, Sammy?
98
00:04:34,493 --> 00:04:35,726
Hey there, Frasier.
99
00:04:35,794 --> 00:04:37,846
I'm sorry, Sam.
100
00:04:37,913 --> 00:04:40,982
Your friend Frasier is dead.
101
00:04:41,050 --> 00:04:44,953
What you are looking at
is his undead corpse.
102
00:04:46,738 --> 00:04:49,240
Here you go, pal.
103
00:04:49,308 --> 00:04:51,793
All right, let's review.
104
00:04:51,861 --> 00:04:55,897
Last night I got,
knee-walking drunk,
105
00:04:55,965 --> 00:05:00,769
and now I am...
back in this bar,
106
00:05:00,836 --> 00:05:05,240
a mere seven-and-a-half
hours later, hung over.
107
00:05:05,307 --> 00:05:07,742
Well, it's official.
108
00:05:07,776 --> 00:05:10,945
I have a problem.
109
00:05:16,568 --> 00:05:19,070
Cheers.
110
00:05:19,138 --> 00:05:20,872
Hey, is that you, Cliffie?
111
00:05:20,939 --> 00:05:22,606
Cliff?
112
00:05:23,942 --> 00:05:25,309
He, uh, just woke up.
113
00:05:25,377 --> 00:05:26,961
He doesn't know where he is.
114
00:05:29,381 --> 00:05:30,682
Cliffie, calm down, man.
115
00:05:30,749 --> 00:05:34,619
Just, just, just look around
and describe what you see.
116
00:05:34,687 --> 00:05:37,355
Cliff, you're
in the office, pal.
117
00:05:39,074 --> 00:05:41,041
My pleasure.
118
00:05:58,244 --> 00:06:00,111
Uh, coffee, please there, Sammy.
119
00:06:00,178 --> 00:06:02,113
I told you to watch out
for her drinks.
120
00:06:02,180 --> 00:06:04,181
How many did you have?
121
00:06:04,182 --> 00:06:05,650
Oh, I don't even remember, Sam.
122
00:06:05,651 --> 00:06:07,252
Don't remember much of anything
123
00:06:07,253 --> 00:06:12,390
after the wooden lady laughed
at me and called me a half man.
124
00:06:12,458 --> 00:06:14,408
Well, look at you guys.
125
00:06:14,476 --> 00:06:15,910
I wonder how Woody's doing.
126
00:06:15,978 --> 00:06:18,079
He was really knocking
'em back, huh?
127
00:06:18,080 --> 00:06:21,148
Oh, nobody could drink that much
and end up feeling human, Sam.
128
00:06:21,149 --> 00:06:22,349
Hey, everybody.
129
00:06:22,417 --> 00:06:25,820
Sorry I'm late.
I was doing my Nordic Track.
130
00:06:25,888 --> 00:06:29,123
Woody, you had as much of that
vile brew as the rest of us.
131
00:06:29,191 --> 00:06:31,358
How can you be so chipper
this morning?
132
00:06:31,426 --> 00:06:34,011
Oh, it's because of the old
Hanover hangover cure.
133
00:06:34,079 --> 00:06:35,129
It's very simple.
134
00:06:35,163 --> 00:06:37,698
First, put on your pyjamas.
135
00:06:37,766 --> 00:06:42,520
Then, take an aspirin
with a glass of cold water.
136
00:06:42,588 --> 00:06:44,698
And then, you vomit
till your nose bleeds
137
00:06:44,723 --> 00:06:47,358
and heave until you see
the angels.
138
00:06:47,426 --> 00:06:51,045
Wake up in the morning,
you feel brand-new.
139
00:06:51,113 --> 00:06:52,296
Boy, I am hungry.
140
00:06:52,364 --> 00:06:54,698
Anybody for some chilli dogs?
141
00:06:56,719 --> 00:06:59,019
Okay, okay, but only two.
142
00:07:08,296 --> 00:07:10,865
Sammy, office. Quick!
143
00:07:13,568 --> 00:07:15,235
What was that?
144
00:07:15,303 --> 00:07:18,656
That was either Carla
or the grim reaper.
145
00:07:19,858 --> 00:07:23,094
Dear Lord, let it be the reaper.
146
00:07:23,588 --> 00:07:26,397
Come on, talk to me, will you?
147
00:07:26,398 --> 00:07:28,166
Oh, I, I can't even say it.
148
00:07:28,167 --> 00:07:30,968
It's just the worst thing that's
ever happened to me in my life.
149
00:07:30,969 --> 00:07:32,620
You're scaring me, sweetheart.
150
00:07:32,687 --> 00:07:33,827
Tell me what's going on.
151
00:07:33,855 --> 00:07:35,523
Okay.
152
00:07:35,590 --> 00:07:39,460
Last night, you know, I, I had
a few of those drinks I made
153
00:07:39,528 --> 00:07:40,661
and I got loaded.
154
00:07:40,729 --> 00:07:42,539
I warned you about
that, didn't I?!
155
00:07:42,564 --> 00:07:43,665
I know. I know.
156
00:07:43,666 --> 00:07:45,867
But, anyways, I kind
of lost track of myself
157
00:07:45,868 --> 00:07:49,336
and, I think I went
home with a guy.
158
00:07:49,404 --> 00:07:50,705
Yeah?
159
00:07:50,773 --> 00:07:52,440
It was a Cheers guy.
160
00:07:53,858 --> 00:07:56,093
Oh, Sammy, Sammy, please!
161
00:07:56,161 --> 00:07:58,362
Please, tell me it was you!
162
00:08:00,199 --> 00:08:02,933
I'm sorry, sweetheart,
it wasn't me.
163
00:08:03,001 --> 00:08:04,619
Oh, God!
164
00:08:04,686 --> 00:08:08,589
Oh, God, the options that
leaves are so horrible!
165
00:08:08,590 --> 00:08:10,858
All right, all right,
all right-wait a minute.
166
00:08:10,859 --> 00:08:12,744
Now what, what do you remember?
167
00:08:12,811 --> 00:08:15,446
Well, I don't remember much.
168
00:08:15,514 --> 00:08:18,616
Just... slow dancing
to Nat King Cole
169
00:08:18,684 --> 00:08:21,252
and doing it till
the sheets burned.
170
00:08:21,319 --> 00:08:22,887
And what else?
171
00:08:22,954 --> 00:08:25,823
Gotta think. Gotta think.
172
00:08:25,891 --> 00:08:27,291
Who was there?
173
00:08:27,292 --> 00:08:29,326
All right let's see,
there was Frasier.
174
00:08:29,327 --> 00:08:32,597
Frasier, I could live with that.
175
00:08:32,664 --> 00:08:34,198
Who else?
176
00:08:34,266 --> 00:08:35,500
Norm?
177
00:08:35,567 --> 00:08:37,318
Oh, it couldn't have been him.
178
00:08:37,385 --> 00:08:40,655
Even drunk, I think
I'd remember that.
179
00:08:40,722 --> 00:08:41,856
Woody?
180
00:08:41,924 --> 00:08:45,610
Nah. No.
181
00:08:45,677 --> 00:08:47,978
Well, I guess there's
nobody else.
182
00:08:48,046 --> 00:08:50,648
Well, what about Cli...
There's nobody else, Sam!
183
00:08:50,716 --> 00:08:52,049
Come on, sweetheart.
184
00:08:52,117 --> 00:08:53,651
It's gonna eat you up inside.
185
00:08:53,719 --> 00:08:56,638
Why don't you go talk
to each guy alone, very subtly,
186
00:08:56,705 --> 00:08:59,475
and just ask them what they
remember about last night?
187
00:08:59,541 --> 00:09:01,142
Chances are, whoever it was,
188
00:09:01,143 --> 00:09:04,078
he'll be just as embarrassed by
the whole situation as you are.
189
00:09:04,079 --> 00:09:05,279
You really think so?
190
00:09:05,347 --> 00:09:06,413
Yes, absolutely.
191
00:09:06,481 --> 00:09:07,798
That's worth a try.
192
00:09:07,866 --> 00:09:09,700
Yeah.
193
00:09:09,768 --> 00:09:11,235
Hey, Sammy. Mm-hmm?
194
00:09:11,236 --> 00:09:13,203
You don't think
any less of me, do you?
195
00:09:13,204 --> 00:09:16,106
Well, let's see who it is first.
196
00:09:27,252 --> 00:09:29,687
Hey, Fras.
197
00:09:29,754 --> 00:09:33,157
Pretty wild last night, huh?
198
00:09:35,177 --> 00:09:36,961
If you can call
Lilith rescuing me
199
00:09:36,962 --> 00:09:39,630
from accidental drowning
in my toilet pretty wild,
200
00:09:39,631 --> 00:09:42,400
well then, yes,
life is a cabaret.
201
00:09:48,173 --> 00:09:49,974
Hey, Norm. Yeah.
202
00:09:50,041 --> 00:09:53,311
Do you believe all that stuff
that happened last night?
203
00:09:53,378 --> 00:09:57,348
I don't remember a single thing
that happened last night.
204
00:09:57,416 --> 00:09:59,617
I do have a bad feeling, though.
205
00:09:59,685 --> 00:10:01,352
Vera made me
206
00:10:01,419 --> 00:10:04,288
breakfast in bed this morning,
207
00:10:04,355 --> 00:10:08,259
and kept calling me
"Mister Two Times."
208
00:10:12,714 --> 00:10:15,883
Maybe it's best
I don't remember.
209
00:10:19,054 --> 00:10:20,988
Wood.
210
00:10:20,989 --> 00:10:23,374
Remember anything about
what happened last night?
211
00:10:23,375 --> 00:10:24,942
Well, whatever it
was I missed it.
212
00:10:24,943 --> 00:10:26,143
Spent most of last night
213
00:10:26,211 --> 00:10:28,162
listening to Phil tell stories
214
00:10:28,230 --> 00:10:30,631
about how he worked on
the Manhattan Project.
215
00:10:30,698 --> 00:10:33,934
Try sleeping with
that for 50 years.
216
00:10:41,410 --> 00:10:43,377
Well, that's everybody.
217
00:10:43,445 --> 00:10:45,646
Yeah, what about...?
218
00:10:45,713 --> 00:10:48,282
That's everybody, Sam!
Come on, get out there.
219
00:10:48,350 --> 00:10:49,433
You've got to ask him.
220
00:10:49,501 --> 00:10:51,269
You'll go crazy
if you don't know.
221
00:10:59,778 --> 00:11:01,929
Hey, uh, Cliff...
222
00:11:04,249 --> 00:11:06,784
so, how was your
evening last night?
223
00:11:06,851 --> 00:11:11,556
You ought to know, Carla.
224
00:11:11,623 --> 00:11:13,724
It was F-U-N, fun.
225
00:11:19,448 --> 00:11:24,085
How-how was it F-U-N,
fun, Cliff?
226
00:11:24,152 --> 00:11:27,154
Well, Carla, I spent most
of the night in the backseat
227
00:11:27,155 --> 00:11:28,789
of a cab with yon Norm Peterson.
228
00:11:28,790 --> 00:11:32,059
Now if that isn't a recipe
for fun I don't know what is.
229
00:11:32,127 --> 00:11:33,461
You bet.
230
00:11:34,896 --> 00:11:36,747
I don't get it.
I just don't get it!
231
00:11:36,814 --> 00:11:38,515
That's everybody, right?
232
00:11:38,583 --> 00:11:40,251
Geez, I...
233
00:11:40,318 --> 00:11:43,754
Unless, unless I met someone.
234
00:11:43,821 --> 00:11:45,756
That's it.
235
00:11:45,823 --> 00:11:48,692
Mr. Right walked into the bar,
swept me off my feet,
236
00:11:48,760 --> 00:11:51,661
and we made mad, passionate love
all night long.
237
00:11:51,662 --> 00:11:53,330
He's probably coming back
for me tonight.
238
00:11:53,331 --> 00:11:55,382
You could be right.
I'll bet that's what it is.
239
00:11:55,383 --> 00:11:58,385
It's gotta be, because everybody
here checks out, thank God.
240
00:11:58,386 --> 00:12:00,020
I know I didn't miss anybody.
241
00:12:04,926 --> 00:12:07,110
Hey, sexy.
242
00:12:15,603 --> 00:12:20,090
♪ Mona Lisa, Mona Lisa,
men have named you... ♪
243
00:12:46,801 --> 00:12:51,072
Well, guys, guess who scaled
Mount Paulie last night.
244
00:12:51,139 --> 00:12:54,008
Uh, Paul, Paul,
245
00:12:54,009 --> 00:12:56,477
can I talk to you in the
office for a second, pal?
246
00:12:56,478 --> 00:12:57,945
Oh, sure, Sammy, I get it.
247
00:12:57,946 --> 00:13:00,248
Uh, afraid of the new
gunslinger in town, huh?
248
00:13:00,249 --> 00:13:01,999
Yeah, that's,
that's right, Paul.
249
00:13:02,651 --> 00:13:04,885
What's the idea, Sammy?
250
00:13:04,953 --> 00:13:06,954
I've got major dish
for the guys.
251
00:13:07,022 --> 00:13:08,089
Yeah, I know.
252
00:13:08,090 --> 00:13:10,191
Paul, listen, I-I, heard
about what happened
253
00:13:10,192 --> 00:13:13,160
between you and-
you and Carla last night.
254
00:13:15,631 --> 00:13:18,482
She's already been
bragging about it, huh?
255
00:13:18,550 --> 00:13:20,701
No. Not exactly, Paul.
256
00:13:20,769 --> 00:13:23,904
You know, it was wild, Sammy.
257
00:13:23,972 --> 00:13:26,491
All that screaming
and scratching.
258
00:13:26,492 --> 00:13:27,992
You should see the nail marks...
259
00:13:27,993 --> 00:13:29,527
that are all up and
down her back.
260
00:13:30,929 --> 00:13:34,565
Oh, my. Yeah, uh, listen...
261
00:13:34,633 --> 00:13:38,135
I know what you want to do is
run out there and tell the guys,
262
00:13:38,136 --> 00:13:39,970
but I've got to
remind you here, Paul,
263
00:13:39,971 --> 00:13:41,721
a gentleman does
not kiss and tell.
264
00:13:41,740 --> 00:13:42,873
It's just not cool.
265
00:13:42,941 --> 00:13:44,292
But you do it, Sam.
266
00:13:44,359 --> 00:13:46,027
True. True.
267
00:13:46,094 --> 00:13:47,895
But I'm Sam Malone,
268
00:13:47,963 --> 00:13:51,198
and by definition,
everything I do is cool.
269
00:13:51,199 --> 00:13:53,200
You've got a point there, but
Sammy the whole thing is...
270
00:13:53,201 --> 00:13:55,002
Yeah, no-no, Paul,
you don't understand.
271
00:13:55,003 --> 00:13:59,140
Please, I've got to ask you-
keep this to yourself.
272
00:13:59,207 --> 00:14:02,626
Sam, you just don't get it.
273
00:14:02,627 --> 00:14:05,062
This kind of thing has never
happened to me before.
274
00:14:05,063 --> 00:14:07,631
And now, with the one
time it does happen,
275
00:14:07,632 --> 00:14:09,266
I can't even crow
about it just a little?
276
00:14:09,267 --> 00:14:10,467
Yeah, I know.
277
00:14:10,535 --> 00:14:12,052
I know how you feel.
278
00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:13,521
All right, I tell you what.
279
00:14:13,589 --> 00:14:15,389
Why don't you crow
in here with me
280
00:14:15,457 --> 00:14:17,157
and get it out of your system.
281
00:14:17,225 --> 00:14:18,543
Well, okay.
282
00:14:18,610 --> 00:14:21,946
It won't be quite
the same, but...
283
00:14:22,014 --> 00:14:23,180
Yes!
284
00:14:23,181 --> 00:14:24,541
High five, Sammy!
The Paul Monster!
285
00:14:25,768 --> 00:14:27,835
Give me a P! Give me an A!
286
00:14:27,903 --> 00:14:30,404
Give me a U!
Give me an L! P-A-U-L!
287
00:14:30,472 --> 00:14:32,739
Paul! Paul! Paul! Paul!
Paul! Paul! Paul!
288
00:14:32,807 --> 00:14:33,925
Ah.
289
00:14:39,464 --> 00:14:41,198
You through?
290
00:14:41,266 --> 00:14:43,500
Think so, yeah.
291
00:14:43,568 --> 00:14:45,219
Okay, we got a deal?
292
00:14:45,220 --> 00:14:46,821
You're not gonna tell the guys?
293
00:14:46,822 --> 00:14:48,189
I won't tell 'em.
294
00:14:48,256 --> 00:14:49,576
But listen, I, I don't know
295
00:14:49,591 --> 00:14:51,701
how you're gonna keep
Carla from talking.
296
00:14:51,702 --> 00:14:55,329
Well, I'll have this
little conversation
297
00:14:55,330 --> 00:14:56,580
with her, too, okay?
298
00:14:56,648 --> 00:14:58,365
Better be good.
299
00:14:58,433 --> 00:15:00,801
Hey, listen, while you're at it,
300
00:15:00,869 --> 00:15:03,771
could you just tell
her gently that, uh...
301
00:15:03,839 --> 00:15:06,523
this was just a one-night thing.
302
00:15:06,591 --> 00:15:08,461
Paulie don't need
no clinging vines.
303
00:15:10,346 --> 00:15:13,097
I'll, I'll let her
down gently, Paul.
304
00:15:15,834 --> 00:15:17,468
Hey, uh, Paul.
305
00:15:17,469 --> 00:15:18,736
Paul, what was that you
were talking about,
306
00:15:18,737 --> 00:15:19,870
getting lucky last night, huh?
307
00:15:19,871 --> 00:15:23,624
Uh, no, I guess I was
making that up.
308
00:15:23,692 --> 00:15:26,410
Oh, poor guy. Yeah.
309
00:15:26,478 --> 00:15:29,713
Sometimes I feel sorry
for old Paulie. Yeah.
310
00:15:29,714 --> 00:15:32,049
Hey, maybe we should have
invited him to come along
311
00:15:32,050 --> 00:15:33,851
with us last night.
312
00:15:33,919 --> 00:15:36,754
Boy, did we have ourselves
some fun or what.
313
00:15:36,822 --> 00:15:40,074
What all did we do, anyway?
314
00:15:40,142 --> 00:15:43,861
Oh, the best way to reconstruct
a night like that, Normie,
315
00:15:43,928 --> 00:15:46,631
is to, uh, go through
our pockets.
316
00:15:46,698 --> 00:15:49,133
Oh, yeah, here we go.
317
00:15:49,201 --> 00:15:52,503
All right, uh, here's a receipt
for the pizza place.
318
00:15:52,571 --> 00:15:54,105
I sort of remember that one.
319
00:15:54,172 --> 00:15:57,008
Yeah, $24.95,
the bowling alley. Uh-huh.
320
00:15:57,075 --> 00:15:59,977
200 bucks for
the tattoo parlour.
321
00:16:00,045 --> 00:16:01,895
And, uh, 12 bucks for the cab
322
00:16:01,963 --> 00:16:03,547
and the doughnut shop.
323
00:16:05,416 --> 00:16:08,285
Say, Cliff...
324
00:16:08,353 --> 00:16:10,220
what, uh, what was that one
325
00:16:10,288 --> 00:16:12,990
between the bowling alley
and the taxicab?
326
00:16:14,559 --> 00:16:17,962
Uh, Fred's Tattoo Parlor.
327
00:16:22,534 --> 00:16:24,668
Yeah, funny that
should be in there, huh?
328
00:16:27,139 --> 00:16:28,572
Yeah.
329
00:17:06,161 --> 00:17:07,851
I'll tell you
what's on your butt
330
00:17:07,896 --> 00:17:09,997
if you tell me what's on mine.
331
00:17:15,470 --> 00:17:17,705
Let's get it over with.
332
00:17:26,548 --> 00:17:29,983
Those guys spend way
too much time together.
333
00:17:53,125 --> 00:17:55,292
Okay, Cliff...
334
00:17:55,359 --> 00:18:01,598
do you want to tell me what's
tattooed forever on my butt?
335
00:18:01,666 --> 00:18:06,670
It's uh, a big American
flag there, Norm,
336
00:18:06,738 --> 00:18:10,608
with the motto "God Bless
the U.S. Post Office."
337
00:18:18,032 --> 00:18:23,237
What, uh, what's on mine?
338
00:18:23,304 --> 00:18:28,175
A big heart with
the words, "I love Vera."
339
00:18:38,486 --> 00:18:42,873
Guess they mixed them up, huh?
340
00:18:42,940 --> 00:18:45,309
I assume so.
341
00:18:47,412 --> 00:18:51,182
Beautiful workmanship.
342
00:18:51,249 --> 00:18:54,451
Yeah, you want me to come
over and show Vera?
343
00:18:58,840 --> 00:19:01,375
Thanks, but no.
344
00:19:01,443 --> 00:19:03,611
In that case, would you mind
345
00:19:03,678 --> 00:19:06,713
coming down to the post office
and show my supervisor?
346
00:19:06,781 --> 00:19:11,051
No, no, I don't think so, Cliff.
347
00:19:11,119 --> 00:19:13,170
Oh, come on, sweetheart.
348
00:19:13,238 --> 00:19:15,172
It's not that big a deal.
349
00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:17,274
So you slept with Paul.
350
00:19:17,342 --> 00:19:19,710
I mean, you, you,
you've gone to bed
351
00:19:19,777 --> 00:19:21,745
with a lot of guys before.
352
00:19:21,813 --> 00:19:24,648
Not really, Sam.
353
00:19:24,716 --> 00:19:26,850
I mean, I talk a lot, you know,
354
00:19:26,918 --> 00:19:32,222
but when it comes right down to
it, I'm more talk than action.
355
00:19:32,290 --> 00:19:36,860
But even when I did fool around,
I, I always knew their names.
356
00:19:36,928 --> 00:19:39,362
I was always
in control, you know.
357
00:19:39,430 --> 00:19:43,317
Last night was the first time
I ever lost control.
358
00:19:43,385 --> 00:19:45,519
I stepped over the line.
359
00:19:45,587 --> 00:19:47,721
I am now officially a slut.
360
00:19:50,124 --> 00:19:51,959
Oh, come on, don't say that.
361
00:19:52,027 --> 00:19:54,895
I told you,
I-I talked with Paul.
362
00:19:54,963 --> 00:19:56,797
No one's ever gonna know.
363
00:19:56,865 --> 00:19:59,482
Yeah, but I know, Sam.
364
00:19:59,483 --> 00:20:01,551
This is a secret that I'm
gonna have to live with
365
00:20:01,552 --> 00:20:02,920
for the rest of my life!
366
00:20:04,355 --> 00:20:06,640
Well, come on, sweetheart.
367
00:20:06,708 --> 00:20:08,859
I mean, we all have
to live with secrets.
368
00:20:08,927 --> 00:20:12,646
Yeah, but not this bad.
369
00:20:12,714 --> 00:20:14,731
What, uh, what if I told you
370
00:20:14,799 --> 00:20:16,867
that I have a secret
a lot worse than this.
371
00:20:16,935 --> 00:20:18,235
Sammy.
372
00:20:18,236 --> 00:20:20,070
How could you have
a problem worse?
373
00:20:20,071 --> 00:20:21,438
You're perfect.
374
00:20:21,506 --> 00:20:25,943
You don't even know what the
rest of the world is like.
375
00:20:26,010 --> 00:20:27,678
Honey, I, I'm not perfect.
376
00:20:27,745 --> 00:20:30,181
Oh, yeah, right.
377
00:20:30,248 --> 00:20:34,785
All right, you really
want to know?
378
00:20:34,852 --> 00:20:36,086
Watch this.
379
00:20:48,316 --> 00:20:49,716
Holy Mother of God!
380
00:20:49,784 --> 00:20:51,135
Oh, Sammy!
381
00:20:51,203 --> 00:20:52,736
You wear a rug!
382
00:20:52,804 --> 00:20:56,023
It's not a rug! It's not a rug!
383
00:20:56,091 --> 00:20:58,926
It's a hair replacement system.
384
00:20:58,994 --> 00:21:00,778
Oh, Sammy!
385
00:21:00,846 --> 00:21:05,316
Look at you, you're bald!
386
00:21:05,317 --> 00:21:07,451
All this time,
the great Sam Malone's hair
387
00:21:07,452 --> 00:21:09,052
is nothing but a fraud!
388
00:21:09,120 --> 00:21:12,122
Hey, at least I didn't
sleep with Paul!
389
00:21:15,239 --> 00:21:18,529
Paul, Schmall-that's nothing!
390
00:21:18,530 --> 00:21:19,580
Yeah, nothing.
391
00:21:19,631 --> 00:21:21,598
It was a pretty big
deal a minute ago.
392
00:21:21,599 --> 00:21:24,067
Yeah, well, that was before I
found out you wear a piece.
393
00:21:24,068 --> 00:21:28,104
Hair replacement system!
Hair replacement system!
394
00:21:28,105 --> 00:21:29,940
You know, if you're not going
to use the proper terminology,
395
00:21:29,941 --> 00:21:33,444
I think I'd just like
to be by myself right now.
396
00:21:33,511 --> 00:21:35,045
Sammy, I-I'm sorry.
397
00:21:35,112 --> 00:21:37,581
It's just that you
caught me by surprise.
398
00:21:37,649 --> 00:21:39,567
Yeah, well, imagine
how it caught me
399
00:21:39,634 --> 00:21:42,503
when, on the morning
of August 12, 1989,
400
00:21:42,571 --> 00:21:45,639
I looked in the sink and...
401
00:21:45,707 --> 00:21:48,942
I'm sorry, I thought
I could talk about it.
402
00:21:54,449 --> 00:21:56,316
Sam, Sam.
403
00:21:56,384 --> 00:21:58,886
Sammy, it's, it's okay.
404
00:21:58,954 --> 00:22:00,644
So you're blowing your feathers.
405
00:22:00,655 --> 00:22:02,923
It's not the end of the world.
406
00:22:02,924 --> 00:22:03,857
Sure.
407
00:22:03,858 --> 00:22:05,242
You know, there's a lot more
408
00:22:05,310 --> 00:22:08,428
to Sam Malone
than just your great hair.
409
00:22:08,496 --> 00:22:09,546
Really?
410
00:22:09,613 --> 00:22:10,714
Of course.
411
00:22:10,781 --> 00:22:12,399
You're a great guy.
412
00:22:12,466 --> 00:22:14,034
Handsome, sweet...
413
00:22:14,102 --> 00:22:15,853
Oh, don't say "sweet."
414
00:22:15,921 --> 00:22:17,938
What's the matter with sweet?
415
00:22:18,006 --> 00:22:19,906
It's another way of saying bald.
416
00:22:21,309 --> 00:22:23,077
Sam, Sam, I-I mean it.
417
00:22:23,144 --> 00:22:25,846
You are a terrific, sweet guy.
418
00:22:25,913 --> 00:22:28,682
I mean, anybody who would
do what you just did
419
00:22:28,750 --> 00:22:34,120
to make someone feel better
is the best friend in the world.
420
00:22:34,188 --> 00:22:36,873
You don't think any less of me?
421
00:22:36,941 --> 00:22:39,125
Think any less of me?
422
00:22:39,193 --> 00:22:40,777
Oh...
30136
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