Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,736 --> 00:00:05,106
So you understand
the situation?
2
00:00:05,173 --> 00:00:06,574
I think so.
3
00:00:06,640 --> 00:00:08,409
Now that we're not
married anymore,
4
00:00:08,476 --> 00:00:09,943
you want to sell
my condo.
5
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:11,545
No, no, it's, it's our condo.
6
00:00:11,612 --> 00:00:13,081
I got it for us.
7
00:00:13,147 --> 00:00:14,582
Not the smartest thing
I ever did,
8
00:00:14,648 --> 00:00:18,552
but my real estate adviser
was my penis.
9
00:00:18,619 --> 00:00:20,121
Is that what they mean
10
00:00:20,188 --> 00:00:22,590
when they say
the market's gone soft?
11
00:00:22,656 --> 00:00:25,493
I don't think so.
12
00:00:25,559 --> 00:00:27,027
Look, my point is
13
00:00:27,095 --> 00:00:28,429
I can't afford
to carry the mortgage
14
00:00:28,496 --> 00:00:30,030
on this place,
but if we sell it,
15
00:00:30,098 --> 00:00:31,565
then we can split the profit.
16
00:00:31,632 --> 00:00:33,334
Or I could
buy you out.
17
00:00:33,401 --> 00:00:34,735
Do you have money?
18
00:00:34,802 --> 00:00:37,138
I will after we sell.
19
00:00:37,205 --> 00:00:39,107
I am at the end of my rope.
20
00:00:39,173 --> 00:00:41,041
If can't get out
from under these bills,
21
00:00:41,109 --> 00:00:43,411
I may well have
to declare bankruptcy.
22
00:00:43,477 --> 00:00:45,213
Wow,
23
00:00:45,279 --> 00:00:46,514
that sounds
really serious.
24
00:00:46,580 --> 00:00:48,582
It is deadly serious.
25
00:00:48,649 --> 00:00:52,686
Well, in that case...
26
00:00:52,753 --> 00:00:55,055
Want to have sex?
27
00:00:55,123 --> 00:00:56,190
What?
28
00:00:56,257 --> 00:00:57,491
I'm horny, you're stressed,
29
00:00:57,558 --> 00:01:00,194
seems like we both benefit.
30
00:01:00,261 --> 00:01:03,464
Well, I am really stressed.
31
00:01:03,531 --> 00:01:04,698
No, that's not going
to solve anything!
32
00:01:04,765 --> 00:01:06,167
Okay.
33
00:01:06,234 --> 00:01:08,136
Well, I'm gonna go
take a shower.
34
00:01:08,202 --> 00:01:09,570
Let me know
if you change your mind.
35
00:01:09,637 --> 00:01:10,771
I changed my mind.
36
00:01:14,275 --> 00:01:15,409
(snorts)
37
00:01:17,278 --> 00:01:18,679
(groans)
38
00:01:18,746 --> 00:01:21,482
I either drank too much...
39
00:01:21,549 --> 00:01:24,252
or got hit by a train.
40
00:01:27,655 --> 00:01:29,657
Oh, God... train.
41
00:01:29,723 --> 00:01:31,259
Charlie.
42
00:01:33,727 --> 00:01:35,363
Oh, look,
43
00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:38,732
it's my sweet angel
come to take me to heaven.
44
00:01:38,799 --> 00:01:41,502
Don't touch me.
45
00:01:41,569 --> 00:01:43,637
I hope you're proud
of yourself.
46
00:01:43,704 --> 00:01:47,074
Well, I didn't wake up
in my own vomit,
47
00:01:47,141 --> 00:01:48,542
so, yeah, kinda.
48
00:01:50,244 --> 00:01:52,546
You are such
a child.
49
00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:53,714
Many people find that
50
00:01:53,781 --> 00:01:55,783
to be an endearing
quality.
51
00:01:55,849 --> 00:01:58,118
I'm not one of them.
52
00:01:58,186 --> 00:02:01,822
It would appear not.
53
00:02:01,889 --> 00:02:03,824
We had fun last night,
though, right?
54
00:02:03,891 --> 00:02:05,393
Oh, terrific.
55
00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:07,795
What woman doesn't enjoy
pleasing a man
56
00:02:07,861 --> 00:02:12,099
who falls asleep while he's
in the middle of reciprocating?
57
00:02:12,166 --> 00:02:15,336
That explains why I dreamt
I was kissing Abe Lincoln.
58
00:02:29,283 --> 00:02:34,588
Okay, some underwear,
no need to panic.
59
00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:37,725
And a little bit of makeup,
no biggie.
60
00:02:37,791 --> 00:02:41,295
Running shoes, reading glasses,
flannel nightgown
61
00:02:41,362 --> 00:02:44,365
and the latest issue
of Modern Bride magazine.
62
00:02:44,432 --> 00:02:46,166
Red alert.
63
00:02:47,635 --> 00:02:49,470
Lydia?
What?
64
00:02:52,340 --> 00:02:55,142
I couldn't help but notice
that you put some of your stuff
65
00:02:55,209 --> 00:02:56,510
in one of my drawers.
66
00:02:56,577 --> 00:02:59,179
Yeah. Hey, you want
to come in here
67
00:02:59,247 --> 00:03:00,414
and make up
for last night?
68
00:03:00,481 --> 00:03:03,150
Well, yeah, but I think
we should talk
69
00:03:03,217 --> 00:03:03,884
about this drawer thing.
70
00:03:03,951 --> 00:03:05,586
Okay,
71
00:03:05,653 --> 00:03:08,356
talk.
72
00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:14,362
Four score and
seven years ago
73
00:03:14,428 --> 00:03:16,464
our fathers brought forth
a upon this continent
74
00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:17,898
a new nation...
75
00:03:17,965 --> 00:03:21,269
* Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men *
76
00:03:21,335 --> 00:03:24,538
* Men, men, men, men,
manly men, men, men *
* Ooh
77
00:03:24,605 --> 00:03:27,541
* Men, men, men, men,
manly men *
* Ooh
* Ooh
78
00:03:27,608 --> 00:03:29,743
* Ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ohh, ooh-ooh... *
79
00:03:29,810 --> 00:03:32,413
* Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men *
80
00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:35,416
* Ooh
* Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men *
81
00:03:35,483 --> 00:03:38,486
* Ah.
* Men.
* Men.
82
00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:51,164
Morning.
83
00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:54,302
That was a great job.
84
00:03:54,368 --> 00:03:57,271
Yeah, you know it's good
when you feel dirtier
85
00:03:57,338 --> 00:03:59,873
coming out than you did
going in.
86
00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:01,842
So what are you doing?
87
00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:03,344
Just practicing.
88
00:04:03,411 --> 00:04:04,244
For what?
89
00:04:04,312 --> 00:04:05,346
Nothing in particular.
90
00:04:05,413 --> 00:04:06,914
Just keeping sharp
for my work.
91
00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:09,249
Oh, yeah, your
little jingle thing.
92
00:04:11,352 --> 00:04:13,587
Hard to believe
that takes practice.
93
00:04:21,362 --> 00:04:23,964
Berta, I'd like
some scrambled egg whites,
94
00:04:24,031 --> 00:04:26,567
dry wheat toast
and Earl Grey tea.
95
00:04:26,634 --> 00:04:28,569
Oh, yeah? well, I'd
like some new shoes
96
00:04:28,636 --> 00:04:31,004
a jet pack
and a waistline.
97
00:04:35,976 --> 00:04:38,211
You really thought
she was going
98
00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:39,513
to make you breakfast?
99
00:04:46,554 --> 00:04:47,455
Yo, bro.
100
00:04:47,521 --> 00:04:49,323
Hey.
101
00:04:49,390 --> 00:04:50,358
How'd it go with Kandi?
102
00:04:50,424 --> 00:04:53,361
(chuckling):
Great, just great.
103
00:04:53,427 --> 00:04:56,330
Turns out we can be friends
with benefits.
104
00:04:56,397 --> 00:04:59,232
Ooh, nice. Did she agree
to sell the condo?
105
00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:00,434
What?
106
00:05:00,501 --> 00:05:01,969
Isn't that why
107
00:05:02,035 --> 00:05:03,437
you went over there
in the first place?
108
00:05:03,504 --> 00:05:06,607
Oh, yeah.
109
00:05:06,674 --> 00:05:10,210
Son of a bitch!
110
00:05:10,277 --> 00:05:11,545
Charlie,
111
00:05:11,612 --> 00:05:13,381
you need to talk
to your maid.
112
00:05:13,447 --> 00:05:15,182
Shh-shh-shh-shh!
Keep your voice down.
113
00:05:15,248 --> 00:05:17,117
Yeah, we don't use
the "M" word around here.
114
00:05:17,184 --> 00:05:18,386
Why not?
115
00:05:18,452 --> 00:05:19,487
Because it's
disrespectful.
116
00:05:19,553 --> 00:05:20,654
And demeaning.
117
00:05:20,721 --> 00:05:22,222
And wildly inaccurate.
118
00:05:26,394 --> 00:05:29,162
The point is, Berta's the one
who keeps this house running,
119
00:05:29,229 --> 00:05:31,365
and more important,
she's kinda like family.
120
00:05:31,432 --> 00:05:34,101
She's rude, offensive
and vulgar.
121
00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:37,170
Okay, exactly like family.
122
00:05:37,237 --> 00:05:38,672
Fine.
123
00:05:38,739 --> 00:05:41,208
See if she'll do that thing
with the ice cubes
124
00:05:41,274 --> 00:05:43,611
and the silk handkerchief
you like so much.
125
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:45,513
Come on, sweetie,
don't be like that.
126
00:05:45,579 --> 00:05:48,215
Ice cubes
and a silk handkerchief?
127
00:05:48,281 --> 00:05:50,918
You can also use
a Popsicle and a necktie.
128
00:05:50,984 --> 00:05:53,220
But I do owe you
a silk handkerchief.
129
00:05:56,390 --> 00:05:58,559
And your Water Pik's
kinda iffy.
130
00:06:01,028 --> 00:06:02,362
And whatever you do,
131
00:06:02,430 --> 00:06:04,331
don't lick your hairbrush.
132
00:06:08,502 --> 00:06:10,370
* Men.
133
00:06:10,438 --> 00:06:14,307
I'm sorry to come over here
and bother you again,
134
00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:16,209
but we never finished talking
about selling the condo.
135
00:06:16,276 --> 00:06:18,245
But I don't want
to sell the condo.
136
00:06:18,311 --> 00:06:19,947
I can see boats from here.
137
00:06:20,013 --> 00:06:24,117
I understand, but I can't
afford the payments.
138
00:06:24,184 --> 00:06:27,588
I like boats.
139
00:06:27,655 --> 00:06:29,189
All right, well,
if you won't...
140
00:06:29,256 --> 00:06:31,425
you won't cooperate,
I'll just have
141
00:06:31,492 --> 00:06:32,593
to call my lawyer.
142
00:06:32,660 --> 00:06:34,227
What are you doing?
143
00:06:34,294 --> 00:06:37,297
Chester lost his bone.
I'm looking for it.
144
00:06:37,364 --> 00:06:39,332
Now? Can't it wait?
145
00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:41,702
No, when Chester wakes up
from his nap,
146
00:06:41,769 --> 00:06:43,403
he's gonna want his bone.
147
00:06:43,471 --> 00:06:45,272
You can keep talking.
148
00:06:45,338 --> 00:06:48,108
Okay, well, as I said,
149
00:06:48,175 --> 00:06:52,412
if you won't be reasonable,
I'll just have to...
150
00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:54,448
to..
151
00:06:54,515 --> 00:06:58,519
Have to what, Alan?
152
00:06:58,586 --> 00:07:00,187
Son of a bitch!
153
00:07:03,123 --> 00:07:04,692
* Men.
154
00:07:07,795 --> 00:07:09,530
(gasps)
155
00:07:09,597 --> 00:07:10,631
What the...?!
156
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:14,468
We need to talk.
157
00:07:18,305 --> 00:07:20,373
Okay.
158
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,710
I don't mind your girlfriends
throwing the occasional thong
159
00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:24,411
or panties into the hamper.
160
00:07:24,478 --> 00:07:27,648
I just boil 'em
and sell 'em at the swap meet,
161
00:07:27,715 --> 00:07:30,217
but this broad
is taking advantage
162
00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:32,385
of my easygoing nature.
163
00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:35,756
Now, to be fair,
164
00:07:35,823 --> 00:07:38,291
Lydia does have her positive
attributes.
165
00:07:38,358 --> 00:07:40,393
Yeah, well, I ain't hitting
any of them attributes
166
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:42,395
so I don't give
a rat's ass.
167
00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:44,498
All right, all right.
168
00:07:44,565 --> 00:07:46,767
You know what
she said to me, Charlie?
169
00:07:46,834 --> 00:07:49,236
She said I need to learn
my place around here.
170
00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:51,371
Oh, she didn't.
171
00:07:51,438 --> 00:07:54,441
Ah, but she did.
172
00:07:54,508 --> 00:07:57,444
Is that true, Charlie?
173
00:07:57,511 --> 00:08:00,548
Do I need to learn
my place around here?
174
00:08:00,614 --> 00:08:02,550
No, Berta,
we all know our place.
175
00:08:02,616 --> 00:08:03,684
And where is that
place, Charlie?
176
00:08:03,751 --> 00:08:04,585
Wherever you want
it to be.
177
00:08:04,652 --> 00:08:06,253
There's only room
178
00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:08,589
for one alpha dog
in this house.
I know.
179
00:08:08,656 --> 00:08:10,390
And who is that
alpha dog, Charlie?
180
00:08:10,457 --> 00:08:12,225
You are.
Say it.
You're the alpha dog.
181
00:08:12,292 --> 00:08:14,695
Aw, you sweet talker you.
182
00:08:17,230 --> 00:08:19,432
We'll just pretend
that's morning wood.
183
00:08:24,572 --> 00:08:25,739
* Men.
184
00:08:34,815 --> 00:08:36,684
Hi, how's it going?
185
00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:39,553
Well, look who's finally up.
186
00:08:39,620 --> 00:08:41,254
I need some lotion on my back.
187
00:08:41,321 --> 00:08:43,557
Oh, sure.
188
00:08:43,624 --> 00:08:46,159
Listen, I have to talk
to you about Berta.
189
00:08:46,226 --> 00:08:49,462
For God's sake, Charlie,
grow a pair.
190
00:08:51,599 --> 00:08:53,266
Is this your house or hers?
191
00:08:53,333 --> 00:08:56,770
Well, my name's on the deed,
but she was here first.
192
00:08:56,837 --> 00:08:59,239
Thing is,
over the years
193
00:08:59,306 --> 00:09:00,373
Berta and I have developed
194
00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:02,175
a really nice working
relationship.
195
00:09:02,242 --> 00:09:03,376
Do my thighs.
196
00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:07,447
Right.
197
00:09:07,514 --> 00:09:09,583
And the key to a happy
home, I find,
198
00:09:09,650 --> 00:09:11,218
is to not rock the boat.
199
00:09:11,284 --> 00:09:12,419
Not tamper
with that balance.
200
00:09:12,485 --> 00:09:14,254
So you really need
to make the effort...
201
00:09:14,321 --> 00:09:15,856
Where is she now?
202
00:09:15,923 --> 00:09:18,358
Huh? Oh, she went shopping.
203
00:09:18,425 --> 00:09:20,160
Anybody else around?
204
00:09:20,227 --> 00:09:22,362
No. Anyway,
the thing with Berta...
205
00:09:22,429 --> 00:09:25,332
Why don't you put some sunscreen
on your cute little bottom?
206
00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:27,167
What for?
207
00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:29,502
'Cause I wouldn't want you
to get a nasty burn.
208
00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:31,371
Why would I get a nasty...?
209
00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:35,575
Oh, we have sex.
210
00:09:35,643 --> 00:09:39,179
Good thing you're pretty
'cause you're very slow.
211
00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:41,682
* Men
212
00:09:46,987 --> 00:09:49,156
(mimics Lydia):
Grow a pair, Charlie.
213
00:09:54,161 --> 00:09:57,030
Hey, Alan, come here.
214
00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:58,531
What's going on?
215
00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:00,400
I'm doing Lydia's laundry.
216
00:10:00,467 --> 00:10:03,637
Can I throw in
my handkerchief?
217
00:10:03,704 --> 00:10:04,705
It wouldn't help.
218
00:10:04,772 --> 00:10:06,173
You'll probably have to burn it.
219
00:10:07,675 --> 00:10:10,543
Okay. And why are you
doing Lydia's laundry?
220
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:12,279
'Cause Berta won't.
221
00:10:12,345 --> 00:10:13,714
Then why doesn't Lydia
do it herself?
222
00:10:13,781 --> 00:10:15,515
'Cause I told her
I'd get Berta to do it.
223
00:10:15,582 --> 00:10:19,486
Aha. And do you have
any idea how to do laundry?
224
00:10:19,552 --> 00:10:21,121
Oh, come on. You wash 'em,
you dry 'em.
225
00:10:21,188 --> 00:10:22,155
How tough could it be?
226
00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:23,556
So what do you need me for?
227
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:26,559
Which one's the washer?
228
00:10:29,797 --> 00:10:31,298
That one.
229
00:10:31,364 --> 00:10:32,565
Thanks.
230
00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:36,336
Just kidding.
It's that one.
231
00:10:38,505 --> 00:10:39,606
Sorry.
It was the first one.
232
00:10:41,742 --> 00:10:43,777
Look, it says "Wash"
on the dial.
233
00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:46,747
Okay, okay, I can do this.
234
00:10:46,814 --> 00:10:48,716
I just turn it on
and stick 'em in.
235
00:10:48,782 --> 00:10:53,520
It's a washing machine,
not a cocktail waitress.
236
00:10:53,586 --> 00:10:56,589
Let's start by
separating the delicates.
237
00:10:56,656 --> 00:11:00,293
How is that not like
a cocktail waitress?
238
00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:03,663
The reason you need
to do these separately
239
00:11:03,731 --> 00:11:05,232
is they're
mostly synthetic.
240
00:11:05,298 --> 00:11:07,034
Add a beat-up Civic
and an ex-husband
241
00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:08,568
and we're back to
cocktail waitress.
242
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:12,539
Charming. Hand me
the detergent.
243
00:11:12,605 --> 00:11:14,742
This stuff here?
244
00:11:14,808 --> 00:11:16,643
No, no, that's
fabric softener.
245
00:11:16,710 --> 00:11:18,578
You put that in after
the first rinse cycle.
246
00:11:21,614 --> 00:11:24,651
You know what? Maybe I'll just
buy her some new clothes.
247
00:11:24,718 --> 00:11:26,820
Don't be such a baby.
248
00:11:26,887 --> 00:11:28,588
Detergent.
249
00:11:28,655 --> 00:11:29,823
See?
250
00:11:29,890 --> 00:11:33,426
Here we go.
251
00:11:33,493 --> 00:11:34,561
Cold wash.
252
00:11:34,627 --> 00:11:35,763
Cold rinse.
253
00:11:35,829 --> 00:11:37,164
Gentle cycle.
254
00:11:37,230 --> 00:11:38,165
Done.
255
00:11:38,231 --> 00:11:39,566
(water running)
256
00:11:39,632 --> 00:11:40,700
What's that?
257
00:11:42,836 --> 00:11:45,405
That would be water
entering the washing machine.
258
00:11:46,639 --> 00:11:48,441
Amazing.
Mmm.
259
00:11:50,143 --> 00:11:51,544
Yeah, it's pretty
cutting edge.
260
00:11:56,283 --> 00:11:57,217
(water flow stops)
261
00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:01,454
Did I break it?
262
00:12:02,522 --> 00:12:04,624
Close the lid.
263
00:12:04,691 --> 00:12:06,559
(water running)
264
00:12:08,428 --> 00:12:09,562
Well, son of a gun.
265
00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:17,104
(water flow stops)
266
00:12:17,170 --> 00:12:18,105
(water running)
267
00:12:18,171 --> 00:12:20,573
(water stops)
268
00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:22,109
(water running)
269
00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:25,245
what will they think of next?
270
00:12:26,646 --> 00:12:29,349
Yeah, I hear scientists
are working on a machine
271
00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:32,652
that can cook two pieces
of bread at the same time.
272
00:12:38,658 --> 00:12:40,360
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
very funny.
273
00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:41,261
Now what?
274
00:12:41,328 --> 00:12:42,562
We wait.
275
00:12:42,629 --> 00:12:44,564
How will we know
when they're done?
276
00:12:44,631 --> 00:12:47,434
Don't worry, the machine'll
call you on your cell phone.
277
00:12:48,969 --> 00:12:49,903
Really?
278
00:12:57,644 --> 00:12:59,279
I don't know what Berta
is always complaining about.
279
00:12:59,346 --> 00:13:00,914
This is kinda fun.
280
00:13:00,981 --> 00:13:03,851
Yeah, well, you're dealing
with pretty-girl underwear.
281
00:13:03,917 --> 00:13:05,452
Berta has gotta handle
Jake's skivvies
282
00:13:05,518 --> 00:13:07,720
after P.E. and
pudding pops.
283
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:08,889
Good point.
284
00:13:10,690 --> 00:13:11,691
What are you doing?
285
00:13:11,758 --> 00:13:13,560
Pouring a glass of vodka.
286
00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:14,828
Is that part of
"doing the laundry"?
287
00:13:14,895 --> 00:13:17,197
'Cause I could really
get into this.
288
00:13:17,264 --> 00:13:19,266
No, I'm just mad at myself.
289
00:13:19,332 --> 00:13:20,733
Well, in that case,
pour me one.
290
00:13:21,734 --> 00:13:23,470
I'm mad at you, too.
291
00:13:25,538 --> 00:13:27,374
So what's the problem?
292
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:28,675
I went over to
Kandi's again.
293
00:13:28,741 --> 00:13:30,477
And how'd that go?
294
00:13:30,543 --> 00:13:32,479
Not only are we not
selling the condo,
295
00:13:32,545 --> 00:13:34,447
I may have promised to
buy her a new fridge.
296
00:13:34,514 --> 00:13:35,949
Oh, Alan.
297
00:13:36,016 --> 00:13:38,585
She likes getting ice without
having to open the door.
298
00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:40,888
You poor, whipped sap.
299
00:13:40,954 --> 00:13:42,589
Me? What about you?
300
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:43,924
What about me?
301
00:13:43,991 --> 00:13:45,225
Charlie, you're
doing a woman's laundry.
302
00:13:45,292 --> 00:13:46,559
No, no, no. No. See,
303
00:13:46,626 --> 00:13:48,195
that's just me
trying to pitch in.
304
00:13:48,261 --> 00:13:49,696
Oh, just face it.
Lydia's got you
305
00:13:49,762 --> 00:13:50,563
wrapped around
her little finger.
306
00:13:50,630 --> 00:13:53,633
She does not.
307
00:13:53,700 --> 00:13:54,902
She uses this one.
308
00:13:56,970 --> 00:14:00,673
And it's not so much wrapped
as... skewered.
309
00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:04,611
Who's using my washing machine?
310
00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:06,279
Excuse me, but it's my
washing machine,
311
00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:08,781
and I'm using it
to wash Lydia's clothes.
312
00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:10,483
You're doing laundry?
313
00:14:10,550 --> 00:14:12,652
Hey, it's not rocket science.
314
00:14:12,719 --> 00:14:14,922
Cold wash, cold rinse,
gentle cycle,
315
00:14:14,988 --> 00:14:17,290
but first,
you separate the delicates.
316
00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:17,991
Is that so?
317
00:14:18,058 --> 00:14:19,392
Yeah, that's so.
318
00:14:19,459 --> 00:14:21,228
(phone rings)
319
00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:23,730
That's probably them now.
320
00:14:26,499 --> 00:14:27,700
Hello.
321
00:14:27,767 --> 00:14:29,002
Oh, hey, Mom.
322
00:14:29,069 --> 00:14:30,938
I thought you were
my washing machine.
323
00:14:36,309 --> 00:14:38,645
* Men.
324
00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:40,680
Rodney Cerman's
the lone setback.
325
00:14:40,747 --> 00:14:41,881
Fox straight back again.
He's got...
326
00:14:41,949 --> 00:14:43,316
Oh, come on--
throw the ball.
327
00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:44,517
Throw the ball!
328
00:14:44,584 --> 00:14:48,555
Or... fall down.
329
00:14:48,621 --> 00:14:50,757
Charlie, I'm leaving.
330
00:14:50,823 --> 00:14:51,925
Bye.
331
00:14:54,627 --> 00:14:55,762
I'd like a kiss.
332
00:15:01,634 --> 00:15:05,638
She's still there,
isn't she?
333
00:15:05,705 --> 00:15:06,906
Yep.
334
00:15:06,974 --> 00:15:09,342
Just kidding, sweetie.
335
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:10,777
That's better.
336
00:15:10,843 --> 00:15:11,979
Good-bye, Jake.
337
00:15:12,045 --> 00:15:13,913
I'm not kissing you.
338
00:15:13,981 --> 00:15:16,483
Oh, Charlie,
I almost forgot.
339
00:15:16,549 --> 00:15:18,585
I'm serving hors d'oeuvres
at an open house tomorrow,
340
00:15:18,651 --> 00:15:20,653
so I'll need to borrow
Berta for a couple of hours.
341
00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:22,555
Say what?
342
00:15:22,622 --> 00:15:23,823
I'm talking to Charlie.
343
00:15:23,890 --> 00:15:25,458
You don't mind,
do you?
344
00:15:25,525 --> 00:15:27,995
Mind? Well, I, uh...
345
00:15:28,061 --> 00:15:29,596
You want to borrow me?
346
00:15:29,662 --> 00:15:32,632
What am I,
a carpet steamer?
347
00:15:32,699 --> 00:15:34,467
I'm not saying
I won't pay you.
348
00:15:34,534 --> 00:15:36,369
Plus, you can take home
all the leftovers.
349
00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:38,938
Oh, gee, why don't you just
toss them all in a big bowl,
350
00:15:39,006 --> 00:15:40,740
and I'll eat them
out in the yard?
351
00:15:40,807 --> 00:15:42,475
Well, that's a little
uncalled for.
352
00:15:42,542 --> 00:15:43,977
I thought I was
doing you a favor.
353
00:15:44,044 --> 00:15:46,446
You want to do me a favor,
you take the money
354
00:15:46,513 --> 00:15:47,680
that you were going
to pay me,
355
00:15:47,747 --> 00:15:49,516
convert it into
rolls of nickels,
356
00:15:49,582 --> 00:15:50,583
then bend
over and...
Berta!
357
00:15:50,650 --> 00:15:51,584
Berta! Berta.
358
00:15:55,588 --> 00:15:58,325
Well, I don't have to stand
here and listen to this.
359
00:15:58,391 --> 00:15:59,592
Charlie, you have
to make a decision.
360
00:15:59,659 --> 00:16:01,661
It's her... or me.
361
00:16:01,728 --> 00:16:04,697
The skank's
right, Charlie.
362
00:16:05,999 --> 00:16:07,000
It's her or me.
363
00:16:10,737 --> 00:16:12,472
Great.
364
00:16:12,539 --> 00:16:14,607
That's just great.
365
00:16:14,674 --> 00:16:18,678
Did somebody say there
was a big bowl of food?
366
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:22,882
* Men.
367
00:16:22,949 --> 00:16:25,785
You got an offer on the condo?
368
00:16:25,852 --> 00:16:28,655
Oh. Oh, Mom, you're a lifesaver.
369
00:16:28,721 --> 00:16:31,124
I don't care. I fully expect
to take a loss.
370
00:16:31,191 --> 00:16:33,593
At least I don't have
to pay you a commission.
371
00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:36,596
Oh, come on, you're my mother.
372
00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:38,898
Wait, wait, hang on, Mom,
I've got another call coming in.
373
00:16:38,965 --> 00:16:40,600
Hello.
374
00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:41,934
Oh, oh, Kandi, Kandi, hello.
375
00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:43,803
Yeah, listen. Um,
about the condo.
376
00:16:43,870 --> 00:16:47,674
My mom just got a very
reasonable offer and...
377
00:16:47,740 --> 00:16:50,610
I give up. What are you wearing?
378
00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:51,544
Hang on.
379
00:16:51,611 --> 00:16:52,612
Mom, I gotta go.
380
00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:53,880
Kandi, I'll be right there.
381
00:16:57,684 --> 00:16:58,851
(whispers):
Hey.
382
00:16:58,918 --> 00:16:59,786
Is Berta here?
383
00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:00,987
I haven't seen her.
384
00:17:01,054 --> 00:17:02,689
Great.
385
00:17:02,755 --> 00:17:04,757
I have to admit, Charlie,
I never thought you'd have
386
00:17:04,824 --> 00:17:05,625
the cojones to fire Berta.
387
00:17:05,692 --> 00:17:06,826
Are you kidding?
388
00:17:06,893 --> 00:17:09,462
I've got huge cojones.
389
00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:11,164
Why do you think I'm
wearing these baggy shorts?
390
00:17:15,001 --> 00:17:15,935
Wait. Wait, wait, wait.
391
00:17:16,002 --> 00:17:17,570
Wait, you fired Berta?
392
00:17:17,637 --> 00:17:19,872
Yes, Alan.
393
00:17:19,939 --> 00:17:22,475
She didn't know her place
and she had to go.
394
00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:24,043
But we can't live
without Berta.
395
00:17:26,079 --> 00:17:27,547
I'll be right there, sweetie.
396
00:17:27,614 --> 00:17:28,515
Hurry.
397
00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:31,851
You know what?
398
00:17:31,918 --> 00:17:33,653
We need to work on our
communication skills.
399
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,822
You know, I always thought
that, but I didn't think
400
00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:38,024
you'd be open to...
No, no, no, you jackass.
401
00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:42,962
God, you play along like
a monkey with a mandolin.
402
00:17:43,029 --> 00:17:45,565
You mean you didn't fire Berta?
403
00:17:45,632 --> 00:17:47,500
That's it. Give me the mandolin.
404
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:49,669
But you promised Berta
you'd get rid of Lydia.
405
00:17:49,736 --> 00:17:52,139
Alan, do you know
what this is?
406
00:17:52,205 --> 00:17:54,907
No.
Then shut your stupid mouth.
407
00:17:54,974 --> 00:17:58,044
And don't tell
Berta she was here.
408
00:17:58,111 --> 00:18:00,647
Fine. Just give me a heads up
when you're lying.
409
00:18:00,713 --> 00:18:03,683
I'm always lying.
410
00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:05,918
I'll give you
a heads up when I'm not.
411
00:18:05,985 --> 00:18:07,454
Yeah, you're the smart one.
412
00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:08,788
Know how I know?
413
00:18:08,855 --> 00:18:11,558
The washing machine
called and told me.
414
00:18:18,665 --> 00:18:20,633
Ooh! High heels and Cool Whip.
415
00:18:23,636 --> 00:18:26,573
(toilet flushing)
416
00:18:30,943 --> 00:18:33,713
Oh, Charlie, how could you?
417
00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:37,150
Berta, this is not
what it looks like.
418
00:18:37,217 --> 00:18:38,885
Charlie, you lied to me.
419
00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:41,921
Lydia, this is not
what it looks like.
420
00:18:43,556 --> 00:18:44,224
That's it. I'm outta here.
421
00:18:44,291 --> 00:18:45,625
Me, too.
422
00:18:45,692 --> 00:18:47,794
Berta. Lydia.
Oh, come on, wait!
423
00:18:47,860 --> 00:18:48,861
This is not what
it looks like!
424
00:18:48,928 --> 00:18:50,062
(doors slam)
425
00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:52,965
Say it a few
more times, Charlie.
426
00:18:53,032 --> 00:18:54,601
Maybe somebody will believe you.
427
00:18:59,672 --> 00:19:01,241
Berta. Berta,
Berta, Berta.
428
00:19:01,308 --> 00:19:02,975
Wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.
You can't quit.
429
00:19:03,042 --> 00:19:04,877
Why not?
Because we're family.
430
00:19:04,944 --> 00:19:06,579
We love each other.
431
00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:08,215
We forgive each other
our shortcomings.
432
00:19:08,281 --> 00:19:09,582
Oh, bite me.
433
00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:11,518
Don't go, don't go.
434
00:19:11,584 --> 00:19:13,720
I promise I'll break
it off with her.
435
00:19:13,786 --> 00:19:15,622
No, you won't. And you
want to know why?
436
00:19:15,688 --> 00:19:17,290
'Cause you are
addicted to this broad.
437
00:19:17,357 --> 00:19:18,725
Oh, that's ridiculous.
438
00:19:18,791 --> 00:19:20,593
I can stop anytime I want.
439
00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:22,695
No, you can't.
You're a nookie junkie,
440
00:19:22,762 --> 00:19:24,597
and I just can't
trust you anymore.
441
00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:26,599
No, no, no,
no, no, wait.
442
00:19:26,666 --> 00:19:28,568
Wait! Wait, wait,
wait, wait.
443
00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:32,104
You're right.
444
00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:33,940
I am addicted.
445
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:36,943
I've got a vagina on my back,
but I know I can get it off.
446
00:19:39,312 --> 00:19:41,614
I mean... you've got to help me.
447
00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:42,915
I can't help you, pal.
448
00:19:42,982 --> 00:19:44,651
You've got to help yourself.
449
00:19:44,717 --> 00:19:45,952
Good-bye, Charlie.
450
00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:47,119
Oh, come on, Berta, don't go.
451
00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:48,321
I'll do anything!
452
00:19:48,388 --> 00:19:49,956
I'm leaving now.
453
00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:51,224
You don't have to!
454
00:19:51,291 --> 00:19:53,626
I just fired her.
455
00:19:54,727 --> 00:19:56,128
Good-bye, Charlie.
456
00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:57,664
Oh, come on, Lydia,
don't go.
457
00:19:57,730 --> 00:19:59,666
I'll do anything!
458
00:20:00,867 --> 00:20:01,968
You know what?
459
00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:03,870
I don't need either one of you.
460
00:20:03,936 --> 00:20:07,139
I can do my own laundry
and I've got my own finger.
461
00:20:09,409 --> 00:20:11,311
* Men.
462
00:20:17,284 --> 00:20:18,851
I don't like it here.
463
00:20:18,918 --> 00:20:20,219
Well, tough.
464
00:20:20,287 --> 00:20:21,954
This is the only way
I can get Berta to come back.
465
00:20:22,021 --> 00:20:23,956
But why do I
have to be here?
466
00:20:24,023 --> 00:20:26,959
'Cause it's the only
way you're ever gonna
sell your condo.
467
00:20:29,262 --> 00:20:31,163
Okay, let's get started.
468
00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:33,300
Welcome to our regular
Monday night meeting.
469
00:20:33,366 --> 00:20:34,867
Do we have any newcomers?
470
00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:43,843
My name is Charlie and, uh...
471
00:20:43,910 --> 00:20:46,313
my maid says I'm a sex addict.
472
00:20:46,379 --> 00:20:48,715
GROUP:
Hi, Charlie.
473
00:20:57,890 --> 00:20:59,392
Uh, hi.
474
00:20:59,459 --> 00:21:02,929
Uh, I'm Alan and...
475
00:21:02,995 --> 00:21:04,697
I have a lovely condo for sale.
476
00:21:07,300 --> 00:21:09,902
And I'm a sex addict.
477
00:21:09,969 --> 00:21:11,371
GROUP:
Hi, Alan.
478
00:21:11,438 --> 00:21:14,106
It's priced to move.
479
00:21:19,379 --> 00:21:22,114
Hi, my name is Pam...
480
00:21:22,181 --> 00:21:24,451
and I'm a sex addict.
481
00:21:24,517 --> 00:21:27,019
GROUP:
Hi, Pam.
32540
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof